S2 Ep 44 Tiarra Brummond. Family Trauma, Divorce, Starting Over and Life's Greatest Blessings!

sick of being sick. And I was so mad at God. I was like, I'm going to take all these garments.

Like, I'm not, I'm not doing any of this. I like moved my scriptures across the room.

And I was just like, my face on the floor just like, so much anger. And I was just like yelling

at God. Like, I'm just done. I'm done.

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You'd be Sprites podcast. I'm Chelsea.

And I'm Becca. And today we have a special guest with us. Her name is Tierra Brumand.

Did I get that right? Yeah.

That took a while. You guys, I just barely met her. Okay. And I just, I'm having a hard day talking.

That's just the truth of it. So I just have a hard name. It's not you.

We are so happy that you came last minute. Usually you guys, we have these planned out months

in advance. Sometimes we have cancellations. We can't help it. I reached out to her literally

yesterday. I'm so glad you could make time. Come sit down and chat with us because honestly,

you are the cutest ever. So we're just going to get into just, we're going to start from the very

beginning. Tell us who you are. Tell us where you grew up and a little bit about your childhood.

Okay. Like I said, I'm Tierra. I, my family's from Washington state originally. Like, that's where

I was born. But then I, we moved when I was really little to Vernal. Okay. Vernal. So fancy.

Yes, yes. And, you know, I had an awesome childhood. I grew up across the street from a cattle ranch

and we just ran feral. Like, there was a canal warehouse and we just spent our days outside.

And those are the best childhoods. So you mostly grew up in Vernal. Yeah. Okay.

Authentic 90s. Child, I love it. So did you go to high school there? I, well, part time.

Okay. Part of the time I did. My parents got divorced when I was 19 and then, okay, wait,

I'm going to start over. I'm going to go back. We're not going to answer that. Okay.

So tell me how many siblings do you have? There are five of us total. Okay. And so where do you

fall in that lineup? I am third. I have two older brothers and two younger sisters. Okay.

You're in the middle. The epitome of the middle child. Right in the middle. Yeah.

So what was one of your favorite childhood memories? Do you have anything that like sticks out to you?

Yeah. So my aunt and uncle had a farm out in a town that's like 30 minutes away from Vernal,

called the point. And my dad, we had a four-wheeler and we would go out there when I would snow.

And literally my uncle took this old, I think it was both at different points, but either a

car hood or a trunk off of an old car that they had on their property. And we would fit like

six cousins on that trunk or the car hood. Oh my gosh. And pulled through the snow.

Oh, fun. That is peak experience if you've never tried that. That would be so fun.

Lisa, tell us about high school. What was high school like for you? A high school was

the first year of high school. It was pretty great. My freshman year.

10th grade things got a little more tricky for me. My parents got divorced when I was like 13.

And life got pretty traumatic. There are for a few years. I was a cheerleader. I mean,

I like to make the cheer team. And it was really fun. And I made a lot of really awesome memories,

but about halfway through my sophomore year had some pretty heavy traumatic things happen. And

I kind of put a damper on everything. Yeah. Was that was your parents' divorce? Was that like

really hard for everyone or just you? Oh no, that was that was high trauma for every single one of us.

Was it a messy divorce? You know, I don't I don't know that there are any good clean cut

divorces to be honest. Yeah, like when there's kids involved and you know, my my parents were married

for 19 years. That's a that's a long time to be together. And so it was just really emotionally

traumatic for everybody. So what was the reason that they got divorced? Do you want to share that?

You don't have to. You know, I probably shouldn't. So

So how did you and your siblings and your family handle that?

You know, looking back, it's kind of interesting. I feel like we all just kind of win our

on different directions. Everybody dealt with it and coped in very different ways. And

you know, some of the stories might tell and some of it's not. But it felt very much like

the family just blew up. And we were all just reeling, you know, and my parents are incredible,

incredible people. But I'm sorry, I'm I'm like really faithful and spiritual. And I just

feel like when when the adversary comes for your family, like it's it's always messy. It's always

hard. And it was really dark for a lot of years. Like that's hard thing. It's like some people can

get divorced. And like within a few years, like things kind of melt out. But for some reason,

it's just like the hits just kept coming over and over. So it was just a lot of years spent in

fight or flight, just constantly wondering what might happen the next day. Yeah. So then did both

of your parents kind of stick around or did one of them leave? So they separated for about a year

and then my dad moved. We lived out in a small town on the outskirts of Vernal and my dad moved

back into town. So we didn't see him a ton. And then a little while after their divorce was actually

final. My mom got remarried and moved to Price, Utah. Oh. And two, three of my siblings went

there with her and two of us stayed in line with my dad. That's so hard. It was really hard. Yeah.

So did it really affect you in your siblings relationships too? Yeah. Yeah, I just like I said,

I feel like everybody just went into their own version of coping and some of us disappeared

some of us were like the younger ones like my sisters and I like we had each other there for a while

but and my youngest sister is like a decade younger than me. She was a surprise. Okay. So the four

older siblings were all kind of like two years apart and then we had this like little sister. She was

two I think when they got divorced. So she kind of she kind of held this intact, you know. Yeah.

Brought a little bit of joy like two or two. So are you close with your siblings, all of your

siblings now? I am really like we did end up like you know like your 20s everybody kind of came

back around and everybody sorry getting married and so I would consider us really close. I do have

one sister that has disowned me a few times so not currently in contact with her and that stems

from a lot of the trauma that we went through and you know things that I handled wrong when I was

15 and you know it's just it's just hard and everybody said you're in fight or flight mode it's

hard to yeah. Well and teenagers in general like little you know kids, teenagers in general are

trying to figure out wife and you know figure out who you are and then that is thrown in the mix

it's a whole different story. Yeah and one everybody processes trauma differently.

You know so it's interesting to kind of see each one of my siblings and how we've handled it but

there some of my siblings are in contact with her and some of us aren't love her and someday

someday that'll come back around full circle but as far as it all goes like my family.

So so my mom was married to that guy in price for a while but he had some he had some issues that

I don't think she was fully aware of and she always she always put us first like she always I mean

she worked like four jobs and she she did everything in her power to be there for us and to

put us to school and to be there like like I said I was a cheerleader and she was always really

supportive and and all that um but she did end up uh splitting from that guy because you know

it was important for her to put us first and um and then I want to say it was my junior year we

ended up moving to Wyoming um Casper, Wyoming and so I went to I did my most of my junior year there

and then you guys how much do you want to know about my everything like tell us my whatever you

want to tell us my random life I actually like when I tell it to people they're like shocked and

I'm like what this is like this is not normal and then I actually um I got married this summer

after my junior year what yeah at the age of 17 wow how did this even happen you know looking

back like as an adult and having almost two decades now to process I know that I was just looking

for my own life I just wanted away from the stress and the up and down like the roller coaster

of you know like my family and I just wanted my own life I just wanted to escape and he was he

was two years older than me and I think he had things he was running from too um again not my

story to tell but I think that that was just our solution yeah we found each other yeah we thought

that that would fix things and it turns out 17 and 19 year olds hmm probably shouldn't get married

they don't know they don't they think they're old oh we thought we were all old at that age

yeah you're not yeah I mean I had been through a lot you know I've been to hell and back at that

point so I do feel like I had to grow up really fast yeah you know I like you're probably more mature

than other 17 year olds your age don't you think yeah because of that yeah I mean to you you

probably felt like you were ready for marriage like that was the next that was the next chapter yeah

so I thought so you stayed married for how long so we were married for 10 months 10 months and then

and then did you mutually decide like this isn't working I'm trying to decide if I should

share how it happened because it's actually so funny but again like I just don't I don't want to

tell anybody else's story but I mean it's my story it is our story yeah because it was actually

it was actually pretty shocking and if it's a if do you even know you don't have to say names or

like he probably won't even listen to this you know I talked to him a few years ago

and Vernal is a very tight tight knit community so he'll probably hear about it but I'm

this all good it's all good you know I'm I'm so grateful he did what he did okay so tell us

so and I did talk to him a few years ago weirdly around into him on the mountain in Vernal

when my husband now will is alcunting so and it was funny we chatted a little bit on Facebook

and it's all good I'm I'm so so grateful for the experience and you know some people look back

and they're like oh gosh I really wish I wouldn't done that but I don't like I learned so much

so wait was your divorce a mutual decision not first okay yeah not for a while

so actually one day just like drove me to the courthouse in Vernal and was like I think we should

get a divorce and I was like blindsided part of you know like like I knew like I knew we had a

crappy relationship I knew we had a crappy marriage like that we fought a lot and but I kind of

felt like that was the normal yeah for a marriage you know um anyways and I was just like what

are you talking about like no way and like we'd been worried like nine and a half months at that

point and you know as a 19 year old kid he's just like well I just I kind of want to truck and I

want a motorcycle and I don't want to have to take care of anyone and I was like oh we'll get you

a truck get you a motorcycle like I I thought it really hard yeah really really in the in the car

in front of the courthouse uh-huh I but then even the weeks following like I was just like don't do

this like no no no you know I tried to prevent um but literally it was done a done deal in two weeks

like he I can't remember what the legal term is but just like you can pay extra to have it done

really quickly like expedited yeah and so it was done dealing two weeks wow so by the end of the two

weeks where you like okay this is happening or were you still like no I don't want to do this

yeah that was still like no no there's got to be a way like it'll still work out somehow

do you feel like your parents getting divorced kind of how do I word this um

like triggered that when you when he confronted you about divorce where you like wait this no

this can't happen like we're not gonna get divorced yeah I was shocked I was just shocked and

I was like no way no way am I gonna do this one thing that like I said like if I do anything

yeah it's not gonna be long but like looking back I just I could not be more grateful that

that happened it was that meant that mentality around it because I think divorce is hard yeah

I don't think it's easy like any means and I've not personally have been there but

I've seen it from the outside and it it looks hard it looks hard on the kids it looks hard on

yeah the two that are getting divorced the families that are affected by it like it's not an

easy thing but yeah well I mean luckily for us was like kind of cut and dry like all done

and done deal in 10 months you know yeah so it wasn't it wasn't too crazy do you feel like it brought

up hearty motions though from your parents divorce yeah yeah well I feel like like growing up I was

always the one that like I wanted to make the piece I was very much I've started with people

pleasing my whole life and I just wanted to fix everything you know and I thought I could fix

people and just make everything okay and when that happens to you and you're like the fixer it's

like no no no that's not supposed to happen um but I mean if you add the context that I was 18

years old and he left and I was in a basement apartment by myself living six hours away from my

family it was a pretty low point for me yeah so what did you do after that well so I was

listen my sweet dad I feel like he thought that I would run away and get married if he didn't agree

he agreed to sign the marriage certificate because obviously I was underage if I promised to

actually graduate high school like no GED the full nine yards actual high school diploma and so

I was like catching up and I was taking like 13 classes my last

holy high school so I was like which is probably looking back a good thing because I I didn't have

a lot of time to sit around and feel sorry for myself I was doing online classes I was doing night

classes was doing in-person actual high school you guys I went to the high school married

my like most of my senior year did people did people there know that though oh yeah okay

oh cuz it's not no something in verbal everything okay knows everything so then you were

taking all these classes did you actually graduate yeah you put it on yeah that's all

sold up her under the deal by the skin of my teeth I did I sure did that's awesome and then what'd

you do well oh gosh so living in this basement apartment as a divorce 18-year-old like this was

like a month before I graduated that had all happened and I actually had a friend who

just angel friend love her so much she ended up pregnant and so she moved in with me and we were

just two pieces of body you know down at basement apartment but then the landlords I mean I was

18 I didn't know how rental agreements go I just knew I needed someone to be with me you know

because it was a hard time and they found out that she moved in and we didn't get that approved

so they evicted us oh what how rude oh my gosh you know to these little 18-year-old girls I know

that's rude like no context for the story like actually what's funny is like they were in my ex-husband's

ward like was there beef or they like I know I was I'm not gonna live here I they were mad they were

mad at me for not telling them that somebody knew moved in which yeah I get it like looking back

I'm like oh yeah that's like an adult thing to know but I didn't know right yeah I think they

would give you a pass or like talk to you or no or say she needs to be added to the lease you know

no literally just like posted a paper on our door wow I had not even in person get out no yeah

oh my gosh so there I was divorced 18-year-old I love that you're laughing about this

I can laugh now because I would literally be a basket game like my life is over I was I

literally felt like so hard at 18 like I like I duffed it I ruined it before it even started you

know yeah and and so I really I really did spiral I started so I actually moved in with

my best friend's older sister in her husband I moved into their basement they were so kind to me

and took me in um and I actually guys my story is sorted I love it I love it I started dating

a 31-year-old this was probably like two weeks after my divorce was final I was just like you know

I don't care about anything yeah so I started dating this guy that was literally so much older

than me how are you me how did you me am so he was roommates with my best friend's boyfriend who

had graduated the year before he was working for her dad and they they lived together and we were

hanging out over there with her boyfriend and I was like oh he's so hot I literally told him I was

like it's too bad you're so old because you are really cute I'm looking now I'm like oh my gosh

he was 31 he knew he knew darn well I was 18 yeah I was gonna say he knew he was okay with it

I was in a vulnerable state no actually he really he helped me so much I really I really believe

that people are like divinely placed in your life at certain points and he saved me like he

just poured in poured into me like told me how incredible I was and how beautiful I was and

never ever to settle for anything ever again and he just showed me like he was from South Dakota

like he'd like gone to school he was an engineer he had a career who's like a real live adult

at 31 you know so hopefully and like he just he just I don't know open expanded my horizons to

things like I don't know like cooking with bell peppers you know it was a big deal for me

you know like he's like 18 that is a big deal he's like you don't have to cook everything in

butter he's like he introduced me to olive oil you know like silly things looking back I'm like

okay well you were wrong because butter is the way this is the way but you know like we we would

go to grand junction and go on these like fancy golf courses I'm I'm a really great like golf

course gal I can drive that thing and just hang out all the live long day I don't want to swing a

club but I'm pretty chill on the on the course yeah I love that um but yeah he I mean there were

some some definite downsides he had been a bartender when he went to college oh and you guys I

would come home from my school because I still had like a few weeks to graduation and I was

trying really hard to pass algebra two I'd failed it twice and if I failed it I would not graduate

so he was and engineer like he was helping me I would come home and he would help me do my

you're coming home from high school and he would like make me a mudslide you know like oh my

god it was like I tell these things and I'm like I have the most ridiculous life but it's my

lived existence you know and I just I started drinking I started partying I just spiraled I did not

care about anything anymore because like I said I just felt like I ruined my life so I just fell

into like that lifestyle and it was called probably like May to September that I just kind of

lived in that that way and it was really empty and really lonely and so I'm grateful I had that

we called him the old man boyfriend well you still graduated high school during that so that's

a positive I did I did that I just you should be proud of yourself I still have nightmares to this

day that my high school calls me and they're like you know what I do actually I remember this did I

black out that would be terrible at this point you just have to be like well I don't even need

it a plumber for what I do so yeah so anyways but yeah then I it was interesting because he was a

Baptist and I was like this little LDS girl and very much not living LDS standards and it was

funny like he he started to get like serious like he wanted to marry me and I was like dude I am

not I'm not getting married again like that's just not happening and you know so we'd get into

deeper conversations about faith and religion and he would ask me like why this is even important to

me and I was like I don't really know why it's important to me and he would ask me certain things and

I just didn't have the answer so I started looking for them and that just start that part of me

started to grow and I I just knew that what I was doing was not gonna get me where I wanted to go

like I was so miserable and that lifestyle was just like I remember really vividly one day we were

in grand junction and I was just I had just finished puking my guts out just waste a drunk and I just

looked at myself the mirror and just stared into my own eyes and I just I didn't even know who I was

I was just like a shell of a person and I think that's kind of where I decided that like I want to

change I don't like this is not helping in the ways that I was hoping it would um so by the end of

that summer I was supposed to go to grand junction and go to massage therapy school and I just

didn't have the money at that point so I decided that I was gonna move up to Casper and move in with

my dad and save up some money and I wrote old man boyfriend a letter broke up with him before I left

and yeah so I had it up he's like I want to get married and you're like here's my breakup letter

your jaw letter yeah I mean really I like I had started to consider it you know because I was like

he can take care of me and you know you could add a sugar daddy I freaking could add a sugar daddy

thinking how old would he be now ill yeah I mean he could be living in a match in now though hey

he never know he might yeah so I thought you didn't either he was actually really hard to break up

with it was kind of ridiculous well he did well well the funny thing was is like he had like

coached me and talked me all summer like don't ever settle again but like when that table turned

on him it was he was not pleased because I just knew that I wanted I wanted to like see what

it was like because my first husband I did not marry in the temple or anything like we just had

a civil marriage and which I was grateful for because I was less of an ordeal but there was just

something in me that like I still wanted that I didn't quite know why just I just knew so I moved

back up to Wyoming and I mean how much of this story do you guys want like as much as you want

to tell us like my life it's just we love it we love them it's good so I moved back up to Wyoming

and I literally was working I have you like heard of those I cannot remember for the life of me

the name of the place but it was like for temp jobs you know are they like give you different assignments

for different days a week and I like I went and I helped set up a bed bath and beyond and I just

did like random all jobs I worked for the muscular dystrophy association doing phone calls I would

like go sit in my car and cry afterwards oh my god cold calling people were really sucks even if

it's for a good cause like that was pretty brutal and then it was sorry before Halloween and some

of the friends that I had graduated with and the girl that lived with me they were like you should

come out to Provo for the like there was some big college dance party at UVU and so I was like oh

yeah I am I'm gonna be there because Casper like bless its heart it's just not I think I

deal college girl town so I went to hot topic oh really cute nurse costume with like

five inch patent red leather high heels so anyways just the super appropriate costume picked out to

go to this college party and like a week before the party they were like hey we actually decided

like we're not gonna go to the dance like we're just gonna hang out here at the apartment because

my friend had had her baby by that point and I was like oh guys this is like an eight hour drive

for me to sit in an apartment ride for eight hours are gonna hang out with you guys so I was like

great that sucks well so this old man boyfriend we had still been like off and on right

and he he wanted to move to Denver like he had buddies in Denver that's where he

lived before he moved to Rinal and that was the year that the Rockies were going to the world

series and they did this really weird thing that year where they sold their tickets online

but you were like in line online if that makes sense and like wait listed yeah yeah yeah and so he

had friends like in Denver he had he was in Virgil like a few people different parts of the country

and me up in Wyoming trying to get these world series tickets and which idiot actually gets through

to the line you mean the stupid 18 year old up in Wyoming and so I like and it was timed like you

had to enter in all your information like like fast fast and I wasn't not fast enough

oh no and so I just felt like such a dummy and I blew it for everybody like these guys are like

hardcore Rockies hands and this was their like moment and I blew it so like kept trying kept trying

everybody was trying I get back on again okay I get on twice nobody else even got on one time

which is crazy I like blazed through that you know like I I entered his credit card information

I had everything and I hit print and I see the tickets on my screen and I hit print and the

computer goes black and I was like call your credit card company like I'm I saw our tickets with

our names on them like everything I just had to print it uh-huh nothing nothing nothing

with her I felt like the worst person in the whole world like I ruined their world series

and so I was literally and this was for that weekend that the college dance party was gonna be

and I was literally like god are you kidding me like maybe I was gonna get in some freak accident

and you just like want me to stay home okay like I get it and so I was sitting at my mom's dining

table like feeling bad for myself and she was like well I mean Saturday like it's my word party

you could come with us and I was like show me you know like I went from college dance party to the

freaking world series to my mom's church party yeah fantastic I was like fine whatever and so I

had that my little sister that's a lot younger than me and then my other sister is only 18 months

younger than me this is the one that I'm not in contact with um so that Saturday rolls around

and my sister and I were like really into like her and makeup and we didn't really go places

without her and makeup and but I had convinced her because we needed to get a costume for my younger

sister and I was like just just come with like we're in Casper or not cute boys here like just

we do not need to get fancy so we literally go like messy buns sweats whatever we like hit up Walmart

and there's nothing there for her and then we drive all the way across town to this uh store

called party America and we're standing there looking at the wall of costumes and all of a sudden

this like guy walks in and he's really tall he's got dark hair and blue eyes and he's got this

cool like snowboarder beanie on and he like smiled at us and walks past us and my sister that's

just younger than me literally like punches my arm and walks out to the car and I was like oh go

he probably thinks I'm a single mom and this is my child yeah you know so so we like look around

and we found her something cute and I think she was like I don't know like seven eight years old

maybe at that point um and I I picked up one more time with that cute guy and smiled at him and walked

out and then that night of course I modified my costume to go to the church party right like I put

on some nice white pants under my nurse costume um but I still wore those red high heels anyways

and I'm sitting there at my mom's party and I'm like on the stage hating my life thinking of all

the fun I could be having at all the much better events I was scheduled for but also just in the back

of my mind like there's got to be something like these were weird things that happened out of the

blue to make make sure I was home and so I'm just sitting there in all my pity and in walks

mr. party america oh my gosh into that church party and I was I literally in my mind just like

immediately start talking to God I'm like are you freaking kidding me no you did not you did not

keep me here so that I could meet some boy I'm not getting married till I'm 25 I don't want a

relationship and how old were you right now I have big plans I was almost 19 okay I was like a month

and a half way from being okay 19 and anyways he goes over to this like group of

teenagers right this was like a family world party right so I figured all these kids are like 18

and under and like I can see them like he's with a group of guys and he kind of keeps looking over at

me and then he just belines it like he'd probably been there for maybe five minutes and just head

straight over and like starts I kind of playing with my little sister to kind of like break the ice

you know and I'm like oh so annoyed like get away from me I'm just immediately mad because I was

like the odds yeah I've seen the same person twice in one day you know oh I've left out a huge part

of the like best part of the story oh go okay rewind party america we leave I go out to the

cart in my sister that's just younger than me is lividly pissed at me because we saw a hot guy

yeah and I was like oh my gosh I was like this is Casper Wyoming you are never gonna see that guy

again it's not like you're gonna date the guy it's not like you're gonna marry the guy but wait

why was she mad because she was hot he was hot and she was like didn't have makeup on oh you know

me and like that really mattered when you were 16 17 years old got you okay anyways so I tell her

this I say these words to her it's not like you're gonna date the guy it's not like you're gonna

marry the guy and then I see him walk into that is this your husband this is my freaking husband

oh my gosh yeah well she wasn't gonna date him and she wasn't gonna marry you I told no lies

that's funny so literally he like sits by me and starts flirting with me and I'm just like

dude you're probably some 18 year old kid getting me going to your mission I don't have the time

day for you but also in the back of my mind I'm like I really need friends that are a good

influence because I had started partying out in Casper too yeah and I was like if I'm gonna go

to church and I'm gonna like really do this I need friends and I've always gotten along with

guys better girls not as much my jam when I was a teenager and so I was like he asked me he's

like you want to go and like get some ice cream after this and I was like no and I'm kind of like

juggling my old man boyfriend in the background you know like we're all I'm gonna off again

and I was like no I'm good and then I'm like oh my gosh you need you need good friends

and he knows all those people over there and so I was like do you want to like come back to my my

mom's house like I'm gonna watch the world series on TV and he's like you're like no

to be yeah and he was like yeah yeah that sounds great and I'm like so I'd like book at home

and I run in the house and I tell my younger sister I'm like you remember that guy

that I said that you were never gonna see again he is on his way and she's like still in her sweats

so she's just like it gets pissed at me all over I gotta just high tails it upstairs and hides

in her bedroom for the rest of my gosh I love that so much so he hung out and like he was just

cool you know it was like whatever and then when he went to leave we're standing outside in the

driveway and he was like okay well cool you know like you want to say hang out some time or

like come he had a friend that was in a band and he was like they're doing a set next week like

you want to come to that and I was like yeah I'd love to and he's like okay can I get your number

he's like holding his cell phone and I'm like sure and I go like this to like grab his phone

and put my number in it and he like looks at me like what do I do sticks his hand out and shakes

and I was like cool I am shake and a phone number awesome he was so embarrassed that

it was so funny cord anyways and then I kind of spent the next

month and a half to two months denying him because I found out shortly thereafter that he was

actually 26 years old and he was a return missionary and he was a wife hunting and I love

I love Casper but Pickens or Slim so he knew he had to act fast he's like this how girl came in

she's my no one else can touch her yeah yeah so anyways it was kind of like close to Christmas

that I like finally really broke up with old man boyfriend and decided that I would be cool

with dating him because he was I don't know he just fit so how long did you guys date

so before you got married so we got engaged so it was like five months after we met we got

engaged in Mexico on the beach I went with his family down the Mozilla and he proposed to me his

sunset on the beach and I was like is this real life yeah that's like not real life I did

call major turnaround from from you know where my life had been the previous year also PS my ex

husband he got married like I think that fall he got really engaged and married I want to say

it was like five or six months after we got to work did he get his truck and his motorcycles he

sure did he roll around on it on his motorcycle yeah wow yeah so well it sounds like you didn't

one out in that anyway oh I yeah it was it all happened a lot faster than I wanted it to you

know I certainly didn't want to be married again by the age of nineteen you know but it was just

like I just knew like I knew the second that he walked into that church party I knew that's why

I was mad because you were trying to deny it yeah yeah but he just I don't know and bless his heart

I because I was a mess you guys like I was on like hormonal birth control I was a crazy lady

well you'd been through a lot in a short amount of time yeah like lots of high trauma and his poor

family was like what are you thinking like don't don't take this girl you know and so I actually

had broken up with him one day because his brother I love his family so much um his brother

well and I had we went to saccharine meeting and then we skipped out on the next class like

pre-suited on the society and his brother told his mom sinful and his mom was just like oh you're

changing and I was like oh my gosh I am not I am not gonna come in and ruin this cute little

return missionary's life and he's like like so I literally broke up with him and that lasted about

12 hours but it was all good and then we got married that next summer in the powerful temple

and you know it's like what am I doing but also at the same time like I just I knew I know it was

right and he was just he was just exactly what I needed like he was so patient with me and you

know the the whole I kind of call it my trial marriage um it was like I very much learned like

what not to do and what I didn't want and so just the contrast contrast between those two relationships

was pretty stark and you know my husband will he just really he just helped me heal in a lot of ways

you know I mean no one better to date when you're trying to learn the gospel in a return missionary

like he just he he taught me a lot and brought me closer to God and it was just a whole different

ballgame with him so you know and then being married we had to like work through the kinks of my trauma

and you know just regular anybody getting married you have to adjust to being with another person

and the things that I thought were normal in a marriage he did not think were normal and I was like

so stubborn yes it is everybody fights and he's like I don't know like this you know like I would

just leave I would just like we'd get in a fight and I would just drive away married just so

quick and hard you're essentially combining two different families that are raised differently

and yeah I get that I think about that all the time even still all look at my husband and be like

this is the weirdest concept like you're literally spending your entire life with someone

like the polar opposite yeah and you're trying to figure it all out and you're like it is it's just

weird weird concept yeah but also it's like like it has to be divinely ordained because what better

way can you grow than to be with someone who is completely your exact opposite you think completely

differently but you just it's like the best way I've ever heard it there's this it's like a

Google speech by a guy named Tim Keller and it's about marriage the Christian view of marriage

and he describes I'm very visual and so when he described marriage as like you're like rocks and

a rock tumbler and you just keep smashing up against each other like every day just just over and

over and over but over time like all those rough edges and all those disagreements like you just

start to polish each other and and I just don't I don't know of any other way that could work

better than that yeah that's a good analogy yeah it is it's super it's really an incredible speech

that's a really good one so tell us about your journey to motherhood like now you've gotten married

you've kind of got your life on track what was motherhood like your journey to motherhood so just

like my whole life was just put on fast forward from the get go you know like I was just ready to live

and but literally two months after we got married I started feeling like we needed to have a kid

and I was like heck no I'm I've already been married twice so that I'm 20 years old it's not

happening you know and but I just it was so strong and then there was this added bonus of like

I'm kind of freaking out that he's kind of old like I felt like he was old I think it was an old man

old man boyfriend old like maybe he primed me to like accept that like my husband was going to be

seven years older than me like that was oh that's not bad yeah yeah I was before it might have been

quite shocking yeah um but I was like call I just I can't deny it like I just feel like we need to

freaking have a baby and done deal like that he looked at you and you're pregnant well then a

month to try yeah I just we just locked eyes and that was that was all she wrote and then um so let's

see my first daughter was born in August of 2009 we were living we we did summer sales so we lived

in LA while I was pregnant that was super fun hell hey you don't you don't see 20-year-olds

pregnant in LA no I think I was kind of a side show walking side show so did you sell with him

oh just I sold them I laid by the pool that's good that's good as you show yes what was he selling

oh he did alarms okay yeah so was he doing that before you guys met or that's what he got into

after you got married when we met he was like laying tile that was his job and that's like hard

labor and then yeah he we decided to try this old summer sales thing out living in Logan it was like

because he he got a degree in fine arts photography hmm what do you do that used to be a thing

you guys yeah I used to be able to get a degree in that um but then it was like digital cameras came

out and then everybody was a photographer it was kind of a pointless degree and so like we moved

to Logan oh PS little little side note I absolutely told him I would not marry him if he wanted to

live in Casper Wyoming I was not staying there you guys the wind I'm a baby I am a lightweight

though amount of times I got slammed in my trunk or my car door like the 60 mile an hour winds blowing

in the eight months of winter I'm I'm eight months of winter I feel like I'm not a hardy girl no

so there was that disclaimer that like I like you at all this could be really great but I will not

stay here so what brought you to Logan so he had moved out here he had his own his own tale of

uh what's my how do I describe it I don't want to shake any of his dirty laundry but he had his

little you know D to her in life as well and him and his brother decided that they needed to change

their lives after they had they were I think they were like in college um and will wanted to go

to mission so they moved out here they had an aunt that lived in Logan so he moved out here and he

got ready and went on a mission he actually went on his mission in LA uh Mandarin speaking and so

that was kind of cool and we did live in LA like we got to go see I got to go back onwards and stuff

yeah that has cool so um he was like and I was like I'm definitely never going back to Vernal

bless everyone there love you all not my place anymore I just had too much trauma there you know um

and so he was like well I mean Logan's Logan's the awesome place and I was like great

when he even heard of Logan I'm sure I had I was not familiar but I came um wedding dress shopping

with my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law obviously before we were married but um like driving

here from Wyoming bless Wyoming I love the sunsets in Wyoming there are just some beautiful

beautiful places there but when you get to Utah and you drive through Logan Canyon I was just like

my jaw was just I was floored yeah I couldn't believe such a beautiful place existed

and it didn't end like once you get out of that stunning canyon it was like then you like

pull into the valley and there's the college and the temple and it's just like this

bowl of mountains and I was like you know like I get it this is the place yeah you know

so um yeah so we I actually like such a brat I made sure that this this was going to happen

we moved our stuff here a week before we got married like we signed a lease I made sure that

you were not staying in capsule okay I want to back up a little bit though why did you pick

the bountiful temple oh it's actually funny this is actually how we even decided we were getting married

so I love all your stories come with a giggle because I just like how much do I want people to know

I'm I'm an open book but I'm like whatever I don't care anymore um so when you're dating someone

and you've lived a certain lifestyle and then like you're dating a guy who's like a good guy

and like behaving it's like you got to behave and and so Will and I because I was like I'm really

not going to ruin this missionary by you know being naughty whatever and so what we would do is if

we're like making out and things are getting a little too little too much we would like we'd like

okay that we're good that's the I've hit the wall and we would bust out our scriptures and we

want to keep ourselves in line in the straight and narrow so um one night we were we were reading

scriptures and that was like a picture of a temple in in the scriptures and he was like well

like what temple do you like nice nice Will and I was like oh man like I've always loved like the

San Diego temple like that's so fun but anyways and he was like telling me about the LA temple

and the cool murals in there and so we just started talking about temples and then it just it

just morphed into this conversation of like you know which one would we like if like we picked one

and it was just like I don't know the bountiful temple like out of all the Utah temples growing up

it was like that was the fancy fancy white princess castle so so that was the one so that's the one

and then and then after that was like oh well okay you know like we're getting married I guess

we're gonna get married so yeah that one got picked so you moved to Logan and then you did

summer cells for how many years you know he didn't he didn't just do security he ended up doing

like the insulation there for a while I feel like if you're in summer cells you kind of jump around

I'm pest control yeah yeah the thing he had done pest control before we met out in Washington D.C.

God we probably did that for like seven years off and on like we lived in Ohio hated it there

I'm such a brat when it comes to places to live like I was in Ohio too for summer cells and I

hated it too so at least you've been able to get out and like see these places yeah and then

to know like hey cashvalley's where I want to be yeah I mean after a while being here in cashvalley

I was like we got to get out of this bubble and then you go somewhere like you leave and then

you want to come back here we go like it was outside of Cleveland Ohio and I was like we have got

to get back into the bubble immediately yeah yeah our daughter was three months old when we went

out to Ohio three weeks old not months that's crazy we drove across the country with the newborn

oh my gosh yeah and then we did a couple summers in South Carolina love it there

Charleston is like I've never been homesick for a place that isn't home but Charleston like the

food there and Colesone streets love it there yeah so like we got to go to a lot of fun fun place

it was more fun for me than for Will because he's working in like ghetto you know when we

lived in Charleston actually that somebody had been murdered the week before in the mall that was

like a mile away from our apartment oh my gosh how did you even venture out with the baby knowing

that I didn't I didn't go too far without Will you know like we would save our our ventures for

Sundays and we'd go down to the French Quarter and get coconut ice cream from killins

just we just don't food the same way you know I love the bubble but and it's getting better

yeah it's getting better but like if we get one more chicken joint in this valley

we do have a lot of chicken a lot of chicken I'm gonna puke yeah I just can't like yeah it's like

that one year we got all the burger joints and then it was like two years later it's like all the

chicken chicken what other yeah what other protein can we bring to this valley yeah I feel yeah

but I'm over it I could just anywhere we went to eat down south was like the best

for new foods so then tell us about having your other kids where you you stayed here did you have

all of your kids here yeah all my kids were born here in Logan okay um I mean it was pregnant

in different summers like um so my second we had him you guys I I didn't know you know I didn't

know that you could get pregnant while you were still breastfeeding oh so many people say that

yeah yeah they should tell you that they should like there should be a disclaimer when

you have a baby they're like listen instead of watching all the blue crying videos they should be

like listen yeah this is this is a real possibility like if you have a period you're not having

your period but you're still breastfeeding yeah that you can get pregnant yeah I think like I just

legit didn't know that if you hadn't had your period you were still cycling I don't I don't know

so I end up pregnant logically wouldn't make sense right if you're not sick or if you're not

bleeding you're not sick yeah yeah so so my daughter was eight months old I found out I was pregnant

with her second so that you cry are you like I was just in his life I was just in so much shock

but also like like what do you do my my life to this point you guys I was like okay cool whatever

yeah bring it on next yeah bring it on so yeah they're like 18 months apart on the dot wow so

so two girls no he's a boy so one girl one boy boy yeah my first is Ryan

she's 16 now and my second is Rome he's 14 almost 15 so yeah and then and that that pregnancy was rough

actually he was it couldn't be because you had a young baby yeah and then oh god I want to say

we lived out in Smithfield when I was pregnant with him yeah and then probably like a year after I

had him they they instantly like gave me the marina IUD because I was like how do we make this not

been yeah so I started having a lot of health issues like just random seemingly out of the blue

just I just had like sinus issues like I couldn't breathe and it's just really rough for a long time

like they started just like pumping me philanthropic which like messed up my stomach and then my

digestion and just just kind of teed me up for lots of health issues in the years to come

um and then oh I want to say there's like three and a half years between my I did a gap you know

I haven't waited for a break yeah having a baby in it all this was quite a while so yeah then we had

our third bucket he's 11 now um so he's like three and a half years after I had Rome

and then my body really really shut down after that pregnancy um I just started having like

vertigo if I read vertigo it's actually like the worst thing but I can't imagine just the whole

world starts spinning and they thought like I went in and they thought I was having like mini strokes

like the left half of my body was going numb I couldn't walk about like my legs would just give out

I just started being super super dysfunctional like my heart would go into AFib and like I had

tack a cardio all the time and I would have like heart palpitations I literally like did this for

like in all and a health problem started was like 12 years before I 12 years yeah before I got

functional again so how did you get functional again like what did they what did you do well the

Western medicine just like completely felt me and I'm like super super sensitive to everything

I'm an opposite reactor like I took a Xanax one time you guys was like I was on meth

like it's supposed to like chill you out but I was like you know like just like I'm falling

asleep and then I would just like freak out wow like so they would try to give me like

prescriptions and my body would just like come up with a whole slew of ways to react to it

like there's a 1% chance that you're going to react where to it you're like the one

yeah so it was just like I just wow those those years were maybe equally as dark as my teenage years

you know like when your body just starts shutting down on you and you have no idea what's going

on and no one can help you every time you're a mom and everyone depends on you yeah and it was

like every test that they would run on me they'd be like oh well everything looks good and I'm

like okay cool but it's not carrying me to the car because I can't use my legs yeah you know so

that was really exhausting and frustrating and just you know more trauma so I don't know just

see lots of years of trying everything trying chiropractic and trying nitriopathic and even like

herbs and like more natural things like my body just could not could not handle anything

and then um in 2022 I I actually um I've I've been like Instagram storing for a long time um

I should probably tell you that we went RVing as a family and that's kind of how that all started

it's like sold our house sold everything that we owned and bought an RV and traveled with our kids

for like year and a half because we also had decided to homeschool like just anything that was not

the normal route to go in life like I was like yeah let's do that it's for me so um and that was

kind of towards maybe like nine years into my health struggles and um that was awesome for me

I'm like very much a free spirit like waking up to different view every day was the best I would

probably get in an RV tomorrow and go again but um so I started um an Instagram for that

and then I started selling makeup and like trying to make money online then I kind of gave up

on that because that was really hard oh my gosh it's so much harder than people think it's ridiculous

and um so I had started this Instagram and I kind of just started sharing like my health journey

and like faith stuff and um I had met while I didn't meet her until after she messaged me so one day

I was like at Ulta in Logan and I was like posting and talking and I was like trying on different

makeups and I'm really sensitive to chemicals and by the time I'd bought I'd probably been an

Ulta for like 15 20 minutes and my legs were giving out on me and I was there by myself and I had

to drive home so I was like I got to get out of here I got to get her now because my body would

just like like I'd be totally fine and then it would just like something would trick or trip and I

would just like melt like non-functional like shaking super weak heart like racing so do you think

it was like all the chemicals in there yeah because I mean even I go in there and I'm like whoa

it's like you get a wall with all of those smells yeah that and um bathroom nope that

the body works yeah I can't even go in there yeah it's just not an option for me so but what's

funny is like I've never really been able to tie it to anything specifically like the dog should

be like what you know what are you doing here what are you doing here and I'm like it seemingly

comes out of nowhere yeah and so it's just this like jigsaw puzzle that I could not fix anyways so

I'm posting and then all of a sudden I'm like you know I'm gonna show this like I'm gonna show

people what happens to me when I have these episodes like when I go down and so I like had

my daughter like I was able to drive myself home like with my head kind of tilted and just like put

that on cruise control so I have to use my legs super safe but I get home and I call Will and I'm

like hey I need you to come carry me in the house and I like I was like bring Ryan like I want

her to video like show people like what I experience and so I like tried to walk and what I would do is

like so it was like my leg muscles would just stop but I could kind of walk if I could balance like

using my bones so I tried to walk a little and then you know Will let's me go like five or six

steps and he just chucks me over shoulders and like he's so used to this by now and and I had a

lady reach out to me on Instagram and she was like hey have you ever heard of like mass cell

activation syndrome and I was like no and I have you guys I'm like a freaking encyclopedia by now

I might have a doctorate for all the research that I did because they couldn't help me and so I

just had to figure out like piece by piece like one of the pieces that came was Epstein bar and

that had come a couple years before um actually weirdly through a conference talk really yeah like

Elder Holland's wife had given a talk I want to say in the it was in the 80s or the early 90s this

was this was a low point where I was like so sick of being sick and I was so mad at God I was like

I'm gonna take all these garments like I'm not I'm not doing any of this I like moved my

scriptures across the room and I was just like my face on the floor just like so much anger and

I was just like yelling at God like I'm just done I'm done what's funny too is like a year into

my like extreme health issues like with the vertigo I had listened to this talk by one of the

apostles and he was talking about his daughter who had struggled for like four years with health

issues and I'm a year in to mine and I tell Will I'm like if somebody told me right now that I had

to go three more years I would kill myself I would end it I cannot do this you know and so

and it's like little did I know I had a lever you were in for a lot more years in front of me um so

by this time I don't know I was probably like 10 years in and I was just I was just so done I was

so done but it's like you have a family and you have kids and I'm like I don't want to traumatize

my kids I don't want to give them any reason to go through some of the things that I I had to go

through and so I just kept fighting and and that day I just lost it and so I'm like just throwing

my little tantrum and I sat on my bed and I'm like closing out of all the like windows on my phone

I'm like I'm done done done with everything I'm not researching anything I'm not reading anything

I'm not listening to anything I'm done I give I gave up and I started like watching a show on my

phone and I was like this is stupid I'm like addicted to research I'm addicted to like fixing it

you know and I was like I'm gonna give you one more chance

my mind's to god I'm like one more chance and and I it was like the last you know like the

are they called windows what are they yeah like the last internet thing that I had up

and it was this talk that when we had been traveling in St. George like I leave my window tabs up

I don't even want to tell you how many I have same and it was the very last one and it I

had been left up from a release study lesson that I they were sharing when we lived in our RV

down in St. George and we were like ward hopping that's fun can't have a calling okay if that

would be nice but I was like I'm gonna read it fine and literally like not very far into the talk

she she brings up in this address about how women are being plagued with this Epstein bar virus

that you know seemingly comes out of nowhere and it affects a lot of people and it just causes

like a plethora of issues and I was like what the heck is that and how random like I knew it wasn't

a coincidence it was like kind of like these moments when we'll walked in to the room like I just

have this like knowing and so I start looking it up and I'm like oh my gosh like that's

like that was the first actual thing I I could grab on to you know and then I got a diagnosis of

pots like it went down the University of Utah and they like did the like ultrasound of my heart

and watched what it would do and I would stand up and they wanted to put me on like a beta blocker

I was 28 I think and I told them no I was like that medicine will just screw me up I know it

anyways so so Epstein bar and then pots and then this lady messages me after I'm at this old

store and she's like you need to look into MCAS mask cell activation syndrome because her daughters

have it and so I start looking into that and I just like start crying like I just I just knew in my

core like this was a huge piece of the puzzle because it was like histamine reaction like that's

like my body would just hit the wall because of like chemicals or stress or you know not sleeping or

whatever it was and then I would just collapse you know and so she reached out to me and she was

like I actually foot zone and I would like I would love to get on your feet if you would

if you would be willing to drive down here to Ogden and I was like I'll do anything you're like

Ogden is close enough I will do anything and I just wanted to talk to her about this

mast cell stuff and because it it just kind of changed everything once I research that and so

I went down there and I had had foot zones here in the valley before it was all just like very

physical and just like fast and crunchy and you know like internally screaming and

this is kind of say like oh you got like this kind of going on here this going on here maybe

avoid gluten for a while you know but um the foot zone she gave me was like everything was about

my emotions and my spirit like energy yeah I mean I think those words are one of the same like

people in church get so weird about energy work and I'm like it is spirit is emotion

anyways so I just have this incredible experience with her she just literally sits at my feet

and like works through my body and she's like talking about my vagus nerve and how that plays into

everything and I was just like this like this is to quote the Mandalorian this is the way

and she wouldn't let me pay her she's just an angel human Heidi McKay and she had told me she

was starting a foot zoning school and they were starting their first track of classes like a month

later and I was like count me in like I don't care how much a cost I'm in and so I went to

foot zoning school in fall of 2022 and this is the strangest thing like have you ever felt like

you just already knew something like like you weren't learning it you were remembering it

like that's that's how that felt to me and what was funny is like I wanted to avoid energy work

at all costs like I'm not going to do energy work but I'm just I'm a very empathetic person

and I just I can sit with anybody I can make friends with anybody and I will like I will cry with

you I will laugh with you like just who I am and so I was sitting at the feet of these people like

it actually scared me a little bit how much I could feel from people like so the the the

our bodies are so cool it's like we have a divine crater or something but there are maps of your

body like in your irises and your ears and your palms like and in your feet like every organ in

your body has nerve endings down in your feet so it's kind of like reflexology a little bit but

she she just opened up a whole new world to me where it was all connected in with like certain

organs hold certain emotions and certain traumas and and your body will just hold these things for

you until you're in a place where it can bring it back up and it's just like my brain just

blew up like here I had spent a decade hating my body and just so frustrated and they're telling

me that like I have autoimmune stuff my body's attacking itself when really like it was it was

keeping me alive it was helping me to survive and so it just it was a huge 180 for me and

weird processing your trauma and your emotions actually helps yeah that was this is what I'd

been missing that whole time like they were trying to figure out was physically wrong with me and

they couldn't find anything because there was nothing physically wrong with me like it was it

was all like spiritually okay and emotionally rooted yeah crazy so do you still have moments where

it comes back so I like episodes of what would you call it the other I think we're kind of I

call them episodes I you know I just have so many tools and things that I that I've done over

the last few years that and there was also a little deal with God made that was a really big part

of it so I can feel myself like when I'm pushing because I actually listen to my body now and I know

how to communicate with my body it's like a language you like know before you get to that break

that wall yeah like I know when I'm pushing it but also like I've been able to build up strength

and build up my mineral reserves and like I know what things to avoid with histamine and you know

it was kind of interesting because that education that came in 22 22 just like it was just like

exponential I also had been introduced to homiopathy the year before and and this is not like

they kind of generalize and say anything homeopathic is just like something you do at home no there's

actual an actual medicine system called homeopathy it's it's very old and like there used to be

homeopathic hospitals all across the United States but because it's a frequency medicine they've

labeled it as like quackery but for me it was like I needed that like my body could handle that

versus a physical substance that was the first thing that ever helped me actually even before

foot zoning it's like Will and I were on our way to the ER for the umpteenth time because my heart

was freaking out and beating wrong like just palpitations on top of palpitations and I was like

I'm gonna die like we have to go and he's like they never do anything for us they just tell they

just watch your heart and they say you're fine and I was like I know but I still also feel like

I'm dying and I feel a little bit better and you don't want to die yeah so um and I had been

listening to this cute little lady on Instagram um it was mama's wild roots she's so cute she

lives down by like mantai I had been listening to her for months um I had I followed her daughter

wildwood farm Sarah she's the cutest I love her family and her mom like they would meet up

every Monday they called it Mondays with mama and she would teach about like herbs and tinctures

and homeopathy and I just started learning like hardcore and I want to say that actually maybe

started in 2020 but then once I learned that it was like frequency medicine I was like oh that's

not real you know but then it kept popping up for me so I tried it anyways so we're on our way

to the ER and I take this I had taken a couple of meopathics where they weren't working and so I

looked at this other one and I started taking it and like within a minute my heart settled back

down and I was like well I think that was the first time something because it was like when these

episodes would start there was nothing I could do literally nothing I could do and that was the

first thing that ever changed the course for me so I I got into homeopathy and then foot zoning

came along and it just like all these things just like went hand in hand and I started actually

improving and then your life changed yeah well when you have like 12 years of feeling so out of

control yeah it was really nice I can't believe you went 12 years yeah I guess but oh yeah like

you don't want to give up you have kids you have a family yeah it just wouldn't be hard it was

hard there was a lot of times I wanted to give up there was a lot of times I just I actually begged

for death yeah I can only imagine yeah so then in what was interesting is like for maybe since like

2019 I'd always just felt like you know people are like oh I'm I'm definitely done having kids or

oh I know that there's one more up there does anyone ever feel done though no I'm like no I could

have babies for the rest of my days you know if I didn't have to be pregnant yeah you know yeah but

I was just like I was just felt like maybe we were missing somebody you know but I was never

confident in that and I knew that I could not get pregnant again like with all these health issues

it's just not an option for me and so when I was like well adoption would be great but

hi I don't have 80 grand lying around yeah and then you know so we kind of threw around foster care

for a little while and then we went and took the classes and I was just like this would be awesome

but like the longer we thought about it like it was just like I knew that I could not handle the

emotional trauma like those the people that do foster care like just different level of angels and

they know you know and I just knew I knew that I did not I could not take that on but so I just

felt like well whatever you know and then fall of 2022 I was talking to a friend who's adopted

all her kids and I was like she's like what's happening with that and I was like I just think it's

just not in the cards you know and she was like well how come and I told her all that and I was

just like I just don't have the money to adopt and she's like what do you think we did like we

private adopted we just like hired a social worker and a lawyer and just advertised for ourselves

and I was like oh you can do that so um but I still kind of was struggling with some health issues

and I was just like I just don't know if I can do this you know but I was going through foot zoning

and I was processing all this trauma and like getting better and then in January of 2023

like the probably the strongest prompting I've ever gotten in my life it was like

like you go now this year right now you're gonna adopt and I was like oh okay and then by

and then by March I kind of like we talked to the the adoption specialist here in Utah and

I met with them and filled out the application and did all that but other than I was really dragging

my face I was like are we adoption people like I know that every every single adoption has trauma

like there's there is no exception and and I just still didn't know like if if the functionality

that I got and was gonna stick you know and then by March of 2023 I was March 18th I have the

note in my phone um I woke up at like 3am just like I had this dream and it was the most real thing

I've maybe ever experienced in my life where and again I'm telling a story that's not fully

mine to tell so I'm trying to you know be mindful um but in this dream I was I was a teenage girl

and I just found out I was pregnant and there were certain details in this dream that I won't share

but like I I knew I was six weeks pregnant and I knew that that baby was a boy and I was really

afraid and I just I woke up I was feeling those emotions I was it was like it was me fully and

wholeheartedly and I felt sir it tell me right every single detail of that down right now so I just

grabbed my phone and I just wrote it in my notes every every detail of of that dream and um and then

I after that I was like okay this might be real you know that might be what a birth mom is experiencing

right now and so I just started praying about it more and more and I just I know like it was

going to happen and it was going to happen fast and so I made the steal with God I was like if

you if you want us to adopt like I have to have functionality I have to have the ability to take

care of a baby because it's one thing for me to have all these health issues when my kids were like

five six seven and pretty independent you know but it was a whole other thing to consider

like bringing home a newborn and I just kept getting better and better and then um we so twice a

year they do um these classes you have to get certified with them to adopt and it was in April

of 2023 so we signed up and we went to the classes and that was a whole ordeal in and of itself

um but they had this they had different panels um they had adoptees kids and adults like

age range like nine to fifty of people who had been adopted and then they had a panel of

parents who had adopted and then they had another panel of birth parents and you know

Will and I are kind of sitting there in this room full of people who struggled with infertility

feeling almost like survivors guilt like what are we doing here like we already have three awesome

kids and and it just it was just a lot there was a lot but when we listened to the um adoptive kids

that's when it was like like we have to do this and the different experiences of like people who

had closed adoptions versus open adoptions like we left their very gun hoe about open adoption

if it was possible and that was kind of the turning point for us that was like okay we're actually

we're actually gonna try to adopt and we have gone and taken pictures like with a little

little chipboard letters like saying like we're adopting and um and I had had those kind of like in my

pocket like waiting for the right time to actually decide if I was gonna actually have the

nurse to post it and after that weekend um we left and and I was I I was come up with these big ideas

like hey we should get goats hey we should get a horse hey we should get a cow like all

these different things and Will is always on board and he always just helps and goes along with

my wild ideas and this one was kind of like this is a little different you know like this is a level

that like we got to really both agree on this and be on the same page because this can't be like

all this was my idea um but after that like we both were like yeah this is this is where we need to go

and so um I posted those photos on my Instagram that next Monday and by Friday at 2 a.m

someone had messaged me on Instagram I was actually sitting in my foot zoning class

and I checked my Instagram and they had taught us a lot about scams and different things and

and I was like okay well I guess I'll just try and she said that she maybe knew somebody she wanted

no more about us before she shared our information because people had shared like far and wide and

we were so grateful um it was like really vulnerable to put that out there like you know people just

have questions and it's just like I don't know we don't know what we're doing like anything I do in

my life I'm like I'm winging it yeah 100% I'm just like trusting God that he's leading me where I

need to go and so by Friday um we've heard back from somebody and it was it was actually really a legit

and it was her daughter and the following months were like we started talking to them and you know

we thought for sure we were gonna adopt a girl because we have two boys and one girl and and then

we found out that she was pregnant with a boy and so I was like is this right and like we went to

the temple and what was interesting is just the same answer over and over again in my head was it

had like everything to do with her with the birth mom like she is what was on my heart and um so we

just started building this relationship over Marco Polo like they were down in Arizona and it was

just the the series of miracles that happened and the coincidences and then when they learned about

the dream and we actually like did the math she was exactly six weeks pregnant that week and

everything that I felt and all of the added details that were in that dream that I'm not going to share

like everything fit wow and so it's just like we all knew that it was being divinely orchestrated and

so um I had gotten that prompting in January and nine months later he was born on Halloween

little turkey cute and you know we got to be there in the room with her and it was it was

really incredible like I've I've never been so acutely aware of the reality of God

in any other experiences I've ever been through um he was it was all very meant to be and I share that

like with a lot of um a lot of empathy because I know that we have a very

very exceptional story when it comes to adoption and um it's very not normal like we are

we are so incredibly blessed we're like family with with both like the birth mom's family and

and birth dad's family and I like I could not have imagined up a better

scenario it was just best case scenario and then some and I feel like our family has just

grown exponentially and he is he's the glow he is our every day sunshine like that kid has five

parents that's amazing it it was it honestly felt like like I've been through all these hard

things for so many years like I just felt like maybe God hated me or maybe I did something wrong

and and I needed to learn how to be better through all these trials but really just it just all

culminated so quickly after foot zoning school and then the year of our adoption and then we we got

into a house too like it was just like after all these years like God just opened up the flood gates

and that there actually was not even room enough to receive it I couldn't believe

how things were happening and just just will never be lost on me that he really is in all the details

even when we're living wrong like he totally rerouted me to Wyoming and he totally just walked

me through all these things just the right time you know to where I am now and so yeah I could not

actually be more grateful that I sat in front of that courthouse at 18 years old because that was

a really good rerout for me what's amazing I love how it all just came together in the end just

perfectly like it was supposed to be yeah yeah I mean gosh we still go through hard things but

I just just overwhelmed with with what the Lord did for me in my life where I thought it was over

before it started and then now I'm just like oh my gosh I just can't even believe how much he's

given me so that's awesome well you are amazing I'm so glad you could come in really

I can hear your whole story I just think the world of you so thank you for coming and chatting

with us and I know somebody will benefit from your story so we're so grateful that you came today

I hope so thank you guys so much you're so great let's tell everybody your social media handles

so they can follow you it's actually just changed it I've had it for a lot of years since we went

RVing because I used to just share like our it was called wild simple life before we shared like

homeschooling and living out in the wild but then the last few months or so I mean I've shared

the gospel in my stories for a lot of years but this year I felt a shift that I need to start

sharing the gospel online and so now it's wild simple light I love that trying to share light

goodness what you are yes you are you're so kind we'll go get for a follow and thank you again

you guys you are just amazing so thank you all right that's it for us we'll talk to you guys next time

bye bye

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