S3 EP 69 : Why "Pick me" Energy Is the Worst

0:00Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile with your summer price forecast. Now, unfortunately, we're seeing rising costs across the country with possibility that big wireless hates you 100%. Now, over here at Mint Mobile, we're seeing sunny skies and dropping prices every plan to just $15 a month. Give it a try at MintMobile.com slash switch. Up from payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 month plan required, $15 per month equivalent to taxes in VZXtra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes when network is busy. See terms. This episode is brought to you by Chat GPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about Chat GPT work? It's the new way to use Chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, you have Chat GPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Let's start it at chat GPT.com by selecting Work Mode, Available on Plus and Pro Plans.

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2:22Maybe we could be a family. You're a sadistic pig. The paper. New season streaming September 9th only on peacock. This show gives me a reason to laugh. Really Riley. Really Riley. Really Riley. Really Riley. Really Riley. Really Riley. What are you doing? This is the really Riley podcast. Woo! Well, hello. Beloveds. Welcome back to really Riley. My little corner of the world where I like to talk about all things real, raw, relatable, and Riley. The four R's at this here podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everybody letting me in their ear holes right now. It means the world to me as you OG we got this army know. And you guys that are new to this here podcast, welcome. I hope you like what you hear and you come back for a little more ear gassums. Yeah, I don't know. Today I wanted to talk to you guys about something that like kind of popped in my head and it's not a new term, it's not a new thing. But it's something that kind of like peaked my interest the other day when I was watching

3:26Britney Cartwright's interviews across Bravo, across People magazine on TikTok, whatever. She is on the Valley, most famous for Fanderpump rules. She was also is still technically married to Jack's Taylor, her co-star on the Valley and Vanderpump rules and probably one of the biggest narcissists in reality television. Next time to Sandra Val, they're probably kind of a tie. Several times Sandra Val doesn't have kids, so there's that. So there to four saying we've seen for years, if you're not familiar with Vanderpump rules or you know the Valley, Jack's treat Britney like shittokie mushrooms and cheat on her, make fun of her weight, tell us she's a bad mother. We've seen him doing drugs, drinking, all of the things and like nobody knows inside of someone's marriage except for the two people that are in it and even then there's the line of what is the truth and what's your perception and all that stuff. However, it's pretty safe to say that Britney made the right decision by leaving him,

4:32especially given that he's been in an ad rehab and whatever. Again, I'm not knocking anybody trying to better themselves but given the recent news, don't feel like that's what's happening with him because it was just revealed that Britney recently broke her silence on this one that their former publicists, both of them, Britney and Jack's, you know, before they split they had a podcast together, they had, you know, they were going to do the beer cheese business for a while, whatever, they had ventures together as a married couple as a family blah, blah, blah. And this publicist, like when you have a publicist, they're there for everything. They're there to clean up the mess. They know the skeletons. They know all the things about you and apparently so did this publicist about both of them. Well, Britney at one point was saying like, oh yeah, you know, I think he has a girlfriend. I don't care. But he's going to see this girlfriend in Florida and missing this time with his son, you know, all of these things. And the publicist was like, yeah, look what's in his DMs and telling her all this stuff. And Britney has now described her as being the biggest snake she's ever met because this was a very, very close friend to Britney.

5:35And now it turns out they're dating. And how does Britney find out through a very long text message, which I always love this when people do these life changing messages in a damn text note, like how do you spine for goodness sakes? If you have cried in front of that person, told that person you love them, been around their children, created children with them. What have you? Have a conversation face to face, dammit. Um, any of those will be used. It was like, they were so close. And then she sends her this note, like, oh, I know you're going to be her, but I still love you and I still care about you. And whatever, you're probably still trying to get your 15% or whatever. But she's now with Jackson. And this is right before the news broke. So it's not like she sat her aside when it started going on. She let that crazy train ride go full steam ahead, probably while gathering information, it's just messy. And when I was listening to this very, you know, quickly on TikTok while I was trying to do laundry, I was like, damn, that public has got some pick me energy.

6:35I'm going to go into that in a second. But I was just like, damn, you've seen all the things with a close front bird's eye view of what this man has done to this woman. And maybe vice versa, I don't know, but it's just like, and you're still going to want to be with him. You're still going to want to be like this, this viper for lack of a better word in all of like the social media and this of what their what their fame gives like damn, you have some straight pick me energy. And I know that that term has been like mainly given to like girls in the last couple of years. Like, oh, it's a pick me girl. And you know, I went and did a little bit of research on it. And I'll say I'll admit, like most of the research I did is pertaining to women, but I feel like this could really go either way towards men or women. And like when I started doing even more and more research on this, it's sort of like, it seems like one of the worst and maybe most dangerous in terms of like being detrimental

7:35towards relationships and you know, betrayal trauma and all that, it could be one of the worst energies like ever. So apparently with pick me energy, people mirror you and hide their true likes are personality to gain approval. I hate this. Like if I can't figure somebody out and my intuition is usually pretty sharp about stuff, it doesn't always fire the alarm bells, but if there's a pink flag or red flag, I will smell it. Whether I pay attention to that intuition is a different story because Lord knows I haven't in the past. But it's sort of like these people will just like get in there and infiltrate and mirror you no matter what it is that you want in order to feel chosen. It gives me the he be because I know that there's been so many people that I have let ridiculously close to me that have turned out to be this type of person and or people that have hurt me in the past have whether it's friendships or relationships have left

8:37me for this type of pick me energy. And because they're so pick me, you end up for a little bit anyway feeling super small and like, wait a minute, what? Oh my god. And let me just tell you, the pick me energy ain't ever the way to go. Because you're basically living a lie in a sense, a very sad one at that. So the behavior is often one person like, this is why it's dangerous in relationships, because it often lifts one person up the person that they're trying to get their approval from while tearing other people down. It's sort of just like, I'm going to go ahead and anybody that you don't like, anything that you don't like, whatever. I'm going to make sure that that is the worst thing since sliced bread. It's like moldy, gross and covered in poop and needs to be thrown away and burned in hell. But I'm not like that. I'm the complete opposite is just yuck. But you're basically making the other person or people or situations look. There is so much NFL on ESPN right now, Monday night football, plus pregame and postgame,

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11:45And when you need more than just answers, you have Chat GPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting Work Mode, Available on Plus and Pro Plans. Foolish or look like idiots or look gross to the other person just so that they'll shine that one little bit of sunshine on you and make you feel chosen. So they also act superior to everybody else while simultaneously begging like a little puppy like like pick me pick me pick me pick me look that person you don't like over there. She's terrible that person. Oh my god. How could they do that to you? Your poor nervous system like no. Pick me pick me pick me pick me. It's just so good. Oh, blah. So it's like it's also pretty sad too because people with the pick me energy. It's like it comes from a inner thing. You know, and it seems like they so badly want that connection.

12:46But then what they're getting out of it isn't an actual relationship. It's a competition. How many times can I have you choose me to get that dopamine kick and pretend that this is the real thing because sweet pay. What happens when you stop giving them that pure validation and at some point you have needs of your own because if you don't there's something else wrong. But most people have pick me energy because they have really low self worth. I mean, that's kind of an obvious. But you wouldn't think so because they're so grandiose about things and they're so they build themselves up while they're tearing everybody else down. Like them tearing other people down is like the emotional foreplay in the relationship. And without that, what's going to happen then? Because here's the other thing. It's like they have this really deep need like for validation and they will change anything about themselves to get it hobbies, actual opinions, their needs, their beliefs, their favorite

13:46damn color and or movie. You know, like what they like to eat or what they're, you know, the core things about them, they'll shift and change them suckers just to be like, yep, that's mine. That's mine now. And it doesn't matter the circumstances. Like, especially with this publicist, he's still married friends. He's got a son with this Brit with Brittany and according to Brittany, I don't know, I'm not there, but he's missing time with his son who has special needs to go be with that person. Like if he will do it to her, he will do it to you. Like that's the thing about pick me people too is I don't really think that they have like a very clear view. It's like they've got dirty rose colored glasses on that they think that the at the other end of this competition that I won't call a relationship is going to be like, you know, somewhere over the rainbow. It's not. But I mean, then again, that's why I also think that pick me energy is dangerous because there might be some people that want to be like, oh, you've got inner turmoil. You've got inner trauma and that's why you're doing this. Let me try to help you. Uh-uh.

14:47Uh-uh. No, because I bet you any money, you'll be the one that's in the next one that they tear down to make themselves feel better. So like I said, um, these people often shrink their needs to become more palatable. I can't ever say that word palatable for others. Hi, I'm Raleigh and I swear I talk for a living. I wrote notes because I wanted to get it accurately. Um, the sad part about this is especially for women is it's sort of part of cultural conditioning that it's like the idea of once you're in a relationship, once you're married, once you have a family, once you're chosen by somebody, that is like the mecca of what life has to offer. It's the ultimate achievement and granted, don't get me wrong. There's a million people in this world and then if you can find your person and create a life with them, that's wonderful. But it's not the only achievement in life. You know, you can stick that idea back in the dark ages when women got beheaded because they didn't create a boy son for the king. When ultimately it's found out that there's some male sperm that decides to sex, which is you know, the irony there is not lost on anybody. But it's sad because like that behavior of the pick me energy is also a coping mechanism.

15:53It's not something that somebody's like born with. It's something that they've gone through in their past and keeps regurgitating in every relationship that they get to and they don't see it as that. They just see it as attaining the goal that's in front of them for as long as that goal is in front of them. And then I looked up signs, common signs of the pick me behavior and most of these are for women. This first one's my favorite. Claiming to be unique, constantly stating, I'm not like the other girls, I'm more laid back, I'm more desirable because I give you everything that you want, you're the captain, I would never, ever dare to hurt you or do anything. Okay, because you're born yesterday as new as the driven snow. There are also just, this is for women particularly, they're also disparaging to other women. It's sort of like they will say other women are too much drama and they're too crazy and I would never do that. And most of them don't have any real female friends and if they do have female friends, they're usually like, how do I say this without something in jerk?

16:53Like not, I don't think anybody's above anybody but they think the pick me person thinks that that person that's their quote friend is below them. Like they don't have to compete with them so that's why they can keep them around. They're very into performative rejection. So basically what that is, if the mark your target is rejecting something, you're going to reject it too. That's disgusting. I would never, when a couple months ago you probably thought that was fine. Like a person, even if it's like a relationship situation, like, oh, your ex is awful. But then like six months ago you were like, oh, hey girl. Until you thought there was a chance with the mark. So they're also very well versed in exaggerated low maintenance behavior. Like bragging about how little care they need, how they're the caregiver, how it almost makes them uncomfortable to have you do anything for them because it's, you know, it's their one lot in life to take care of you. What? Jesus. They're just basically like, I don't require anything.

17:57Look, I give you everything and look that person. Require everything of you. It's so dramatic. It's just, yeah. But then I looked up what are the different type of pick me and this is specifically girls. The hate drama realists, we kind of touched on this one. This type claims that they only have male friends because women are too much drama. She distances herself from female companionship to position herself as being easy going in low maintenance. Like, nah, like I know girls are drama period. But if you're that easy going in low maintenance, you would have friends that are not just male. Like, ugh. So the cool Tom Boyce, she makes a big deal out of liking sports, video games, eating junk food while explicitly mocking female interests like makeup, fashion or pop music as shallow. And I always tell this to my 10, almost 11 year old son. Like, when people make fun of you, it's usually because you have something that they want that they can't get. And that's why they make fun of it. They want to convince themselves and you that whatever it is with you inside of you that you have is not worthy of them.

18:58So they want to make you feel small and make themselves feel better. Great way of living there friends. The hyper accommodating partner, this is another one of my favorites. Online discussions on platforms note that this type bends over backwards to prove she in this instance is a good wife or a chill girlfriend. She probably accepts poor treatment, bragging that she doesn't mind her partner going to Boyce trips or watching sports all day. That's the best. That's what I would imagine in this Britney Cartwright Jack's situation that like this publicist has known and seen and probably put out brush fires of the shit that Jack's done to Britney, but yet because he's famous because he probably has a little bit of money because it's the thrill of all that. It's pick me, pick me, pick me. You know, like puppy dog like come on. And the final one here is the humble brager. See as they say in this one, constantly fishes for compliments by pointing out her own physical traits like how she eats a ton and doesn't gain weight while framing yourself

19:58as naturally superior to peers because she doesn't have to work at it. But I think that one is also sort of like where it goes into like, oh, I don't have to wear a lot of makeup. I don't ever get bow talks or any of that. I don't need much. I don't need any of that or like even with gift giving and stuff. Oh, I don't need any flowers. I would not know. I don't need any of that. I just need you. I just need your love. And I mean, I'm not saying that like just because you don't want a bunch of presents, that makes you a pick or a pick me person. However, when it's over the top, please, I just really think that this type of person, hey, I want nothing to do with it. Like I want a person in my life, whether it's romantically with friends with anything, that it's like you're a human. You have wants. You have needs. You have disagreements. You will stand up and say no. I don't want this. I would like this. I'm not saying you have to have a argument every five minutes, but it's just not normal to never have an opinion of your own. Because I think in my opinion, friends, because it's the really rally podcast that when

21:01you do that, you do have your own opinions. You do have your own thoughts. You do have your own wants needs arguments, blah, blah, blah, blah. But just because they never come out of your mouth hole, all that means is they are literally like the human form of a chip bunk. Every single thing that they didn't say that they wanted is stored back here in the cheeks for when winter is coming. And when winter comes and that resentment comes out of their mouth, oh my God, the white walkers from Game of Thrones are coming. So I don't think that these people are more agreeable or more than subpar because they just give everyone around them whatever they want. They don't know who the hell they are. They're trying to be you. They're trying to be a mirror of you and be it's just like at some point, it's human nature to let out who you really are. So then it's a detriment to the person that you were getting trying to get to pick you.

22:01And then anybody else who was in the wake of that that you was being disparaged by you or pushed aside by you or whatever that is like, damn you know, I came out with a soapbox this time. And I'm going to get off it now and just leave you with frick, be authentic like as much as you can. You know, we only have one life and there is only one you. So just be that. I know that that's gotten me in trouble a lot of times, but here's the thing about really Riley. What you see is what you get, you know, I'm not going to perform for someone because I have done that in so many big situations in the past and it all did was bite me in the ass like the snake that Britney described. So there's that any who's obese. I hope you guys enjoyed this here. Potty cast and if you did, please do me a favor, like follow comment share, star day little discussion in the comment section on Spotify. DMs are always open on socials at really, really podcasts on Instagram at Riley Couture on Instagram at Riley Couture 7 on TikTok at House of W by Riley is my crystal intention

23:06candle business. Yeah. And email really, really podcasts at gmail.com. So, yeah, I hope you guys liked my little rant tonight and I hope you have a great day and I will chat with you money on it. Thanks for listening. It's really Riley. This episode is brought to you by chat GPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about chat GPT work? It's the new way to use chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects and when you need more than just answers, give chat GPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports. Get started at chat GPT.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plants.