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About this Episode
A collection of gripping detective stories featuring sharp-witted investigators, puzzling crimes, and clever resolutions. Each episode showcases the art of deduction and the thrill of the chase.
Hosts & Guests
Transcript
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Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words.
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Finding great candidates to hire can be like, well, trying to find a needle in a haystack.
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Oh, I'm sorry you have to call back. I'm expecting to be taking dictations
with my employer very shortly. Oh, I am sorry, your time is up, and Edna St. Vincent
Markowicz, who's sending the question, gets bumped off in front of the studio audience,
gathered in the dredgewood room here, and found me a square. Next time, don't ask your
phones stupid. Oh, Sam. Let's have no coaching, please. Oh, did you find the cop? Was it murder?
Was it really worth, um, well, you know, priceless, and like to add, was it fun?
Yes, yes, yes, and no. And finally, are you kidding?
Well, then why was it called the vatio cop?
It's a very old Greek expression, which is what I'll be wearing as I sit in your lap,
dictating my report on the vatio cop paper.
Disho Hammett, America's leading detective fiction writer and creator of Sam Spade,
the hard-boiled private eye, and William Spear, radio's upstanding producer, director of mystery
and crime drama, join their talents to make your hair stand on end with the adventures of Sam Spade.
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Son of a bitch!
Son of a bitch!
Son of a bitch!
Oh, the man's arm is broken. I'm not even wearing a brother's arm.
Uh, date August 22, 1948 to, uh, Jeth Rowett, Scherzwick, S. Quyron.
Oh, Selling fans.
Uh, e.S. Quieu.
No, and I meant the name.
It's Chisro Jethwick.
I did not say Chisro Jethwick.
I said, Jethro Jethwick.
I mean, Chisro, look, we'll check it later.
Damn it, Mike.
I have an uncle in Berkeley named Smith.
Maybe a family out of this, eh?
But he's only by marriage, Sam.
It's quite a common name.
Name three people named Chiswick.
No, Smithwick, Sam.
Honestly, there's Uncle George and Adam Media
by a previous marriage.
Then there's my cousin, Rupert, on the Christie side.
When you have finished ruminating amongst the foliage
of your family tree, Miss Buring.
I only mentioned it in the last name that you bought.
All over again.
Tell out that page.
Yes, Ryan.
Oh, no, please.
No need to curse me.
Till Jethro Chiswick, no common place.
From Samuel Spay, Liza's number one, three, seven, five, nine, six.
What's that?
Nothing.
There's nothing.
Wrong.
Subject, the Vapio Cupcafer, dear Commodore.
That's the way I like you.
Meek.
I'd always considered myself fairly well
first in the subject of cups.
But if anybody had told me there was such a thing as a Vapio Cup,
they'd got to knock me over with one, which they did.
Mr. Spay?
Yeah.
I'm just Ray Brody.
I talk to your secretary on the phone.
Do you follow?
Oh, yes, Mr. Brody.
Sit down.
Rest your package.
Thank you, I prefer to hold it for the time being.
My car, sir.
The office and Brody and porters and exporters, isn't it?
Mr. Theophilus is my partner.
Demetri, the office.
Do you follow?
I follow.
It was Mr. Theophilus who brought the Vapio Cup into the firm.
I furnished the cash capital.
Vapio Cup, I do not follow.
Yes, indeed.
The only one of these treasures to fall into private hands.
One of the fabulous Vapio cups.
Those exquisite and cunningly wrought examples
of the art of the ancient Grecian Golds
with excavated by the great Shliman
from a beehive tomb in Sparta.
Hmm, beehive.
My senior age.
Just west of the lion gate.
Oh, the lion.
Pardon me, Mr. Brody.
Are you trying to tell me that this cup is very valuable?
It's a price, and that you will manage to find a buyer.
You follow?
And that you want me to deliver that package
containing your priceless cup and return with your customers' cash?
Accurately put.
I presume you abonded.
Uncork me and save yourself.
You are a drool fellow to be sure.
I had a light practice, drool, and coffee.
Now, what is this Vapio Cup?
I will show it to you.
You're about to see a treasure, but few eyes
have looked upon in our time, Mr. Spade.
The Vapio Cup.
And we're careful.
It's fragile.
You could crush it in your hand like so much tinfoil.
Yet this golden relic of a golden age
has come down through the centuries miraculously unscathed.
Note the delicately wrought lines of the bar and yet.
The exquisite draperies on the figure of the carry-acted.
The anguish on the face of the fallen hunter,
the sheer brute force of the wild boar charging to the kill.
Holding this golden cup in your hands,
you encompassed 3,000 years.
You comprehend why there's no question of insurance here?
Frankly, I don't.
By the command, an item such as this is
worth only as much as a collectible pay for it.
This particular collector has offered $200,000.
It might never be offered again.
You follow.
I follow.
Very well.
Here's your fee.
$100.
I follow.
And here's the address of my client in Los Angeles.
Commodore Jetthrochiswick.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
You will take the loon train.
Any questions?
Yeah, why can't I go on a plane?
Because I've placed an item in this afternoon's papers
to the effect that the treasure is to be transported by a crane.
If I were a gunner, when I read that,
I'd have to take the train.
That would be your first spot.
Then you would think they're staying there,
taking the plane to make me think they're taking the train.
Therefore, you would take the plane after all.
Oh, would you?
If you were really clever, you might say,
they're taking the plane to make one think it's the train.
So I take the plane after all.
And therefore...
Never mind.
By this time, he's decided on the bus.
The train is perfectly safe.
You follow?
The package was light in the drawing room,
and the train was comfortable.
It seemed like an easy way to earn 100 bucks.
I knew it wouldn't last.
Never does.
Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot
you are about to hear is going to be filled with F-words.
When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder
know you can feel frustrated.
For lore and even.
Like your efforts are futile.
And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people,
only to get flooded with candidates
for just...
Fine.
F**k.
Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that.
And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free
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With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations.
Because we find the right people for your roles fast,
which is our absolute favorite effort.
In fact, four out of five employers
who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate
within the first day.
Fantastic.
So, whether you need to hire four, 40, or 400 people,
get ready to meet first rate talent.
Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip
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Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip.
Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip.
Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees.
But I don't really need it.
Infliction is killing me.
Who cares?
Big retailers and making record profits.
That's why we support the German Marshall
Credit Card Bill.
See?
Things in credit unions help small businesses make pay roll.
This bill would cut the vital resources they need.
While increasing Megastore profits.
They deserve it.
Don't they?
Tell Congress, stop the German Marshall Money Grab
for corporate megastores.
Paid for it by the Electronic Payments Coalition.
Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot
you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words.
When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder
know you can feel frustrated.
For Lauren even.
Like your efforts are futile.
And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people.
Only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine.
Fuck.
Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that.
And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free
at zippercruder.com slash zip.
With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations.
Because we find the right people for your roles fast.
Which is our absolute favorite effort.
In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder
get a quality candidate within the first day.
Fantastic.
So whether you need to hire four, 40, or 400 people,
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I was prepared for the knock on the door
and I got ready for the inevitable small dark man
who plays the feet of Larry Pot.
But this one fooled me.
It was a tall, thin actor with sandy hair.
OK, Sharma, stand over the packet.
You won't be no trouble.
Sure, there it is on the safe, take it.
It's OK.
You got me covered.
I won't make any move.
What are you trying to pull?
To stick up, isn't it?
Maybe I got the rock apart.
Oh, that's it.
The cups in there unwrap it and save yourself.
Oh, no, you don't.
I'm picking up no booby traps.
Oh, yeah, yellow, huh?
I know that one too.
I don't cut no ice from me.
Search yourself.
Gamma gin?
You're nuts.
I'm getting out of here.
All right, a minute.
Followed by a drink.
Hello, Drake.
Lunch?
In a go.
Yes, indeed, Mr. Spade, I agree.
Clarence is a very comical fellow.
Sorry, you.
I took the liberty of stepping into your folks
so whilst you had your little railway
in the after-companion ways, my mate, Dad Clarence.
You mind?
Not at all.
Well, sir, I'm afraid you're going to mind a great deal.
Oh!
Oh!
And that's how I met you, Commodore.
I was so busy sizing up the 45 in your right hand
that I didn't even notice when you left whipped
out of your cold pocket with one of the largest sats
I have ever felt.
The next time I saw a light, you were gone.
The Vapio Cup was gone, and the train
was pulling into San Jose.
I got off, rode back to San Francisco
with a truckload of chickens, and headed straight
for my Clarence apartment.
You got here quick?
Yeah.
Come in.
Nice.
Well?
Well, what?
Like we can't both play this debt, then, we'll stay in no place.
It's in the back room.
What is?
The body.
You're from the police, aren't you?
I'm a private bet.
How dare you?
Hey, what was that for?
The spying on me.
You and all the other cheap gum she was my husband hired.
You're a Mrs. Brody?
I'm in a deophilist.
Didn't meet my husband hired you?
My name is Sam Spade.
I was hired by one Chester A. Brody,
your husband's business partner.
Well, Sam, I hope he paid you an advance
because he's the body.
Chester A. Brody was just barely identifiable.
Somebody had worked hard trying to persuade him to say
I'd do something he either couldn't or wouldn't do.
The only interesting clue was in the waste basket.
At first, I thought it was a flattened beer can.
But it was the vanfield cut, or a facsimile thereof.
Well, how do you like it, Sam?
I don't.
He was my client.
I wasn't hired to protect him.
I didn't like him, but he was my client.
How would you like me for a client?
I'll give you the name of a lawyer, sister.
My name is Inid.
Inid?
Now, let's see what I can squeeze out of you
before the cops do.
Brody was your husband's business partner, and your...
You don't have to be subtle.
He was mad about me.
I'm all broken up about his death.
So is he.
That wasn't funny.
That time I deserved it.
You don't like me, do you?
Can't you get it through that steel jagged at brain of yours
that you're in bad trouble?
That there's a dead man in the next room beating the death
and you're not supposed to be here?
Well, I was supposed to be here.
We were going to a loafer soon as you brought back
the money from that Greek thing.
Yeah, what about that Greek thing?
It was an antique.
It was called the Vapio Cup.
Yes, I know about that.
Well, my husband dug it up in Greece
and smuggled it into the country.
Yeah.
It was all he had, but it was such an important piece
that he was able to persuade Chet, the late Chester Brody
that is, to let him in as a full partner.
Then what?
Well, they quarreled.
My husband made some bad investments
and Chet wanted to sell the cup to save the firm.
The meat tree refused.
I didn't think it was fair, so I got the keys
to save the deposit box where the cup was
and Chet arranged to sell it to the Commodore.
Did you get the money from the Commodore?
All I got from the Commodore was lumps.
You stole the cup?
Roger.
You've got to get it back.
I've got it.
Where?
Yeah, take a look.
Where's Ruin?
Where did you find it?
In a trash basket where it belongs.
To meat tree, did it?
He must have suspected something.
He substituted a fake.
That's that he knows where the real one is.
Somebody thought that your boyfriend knew.
You wanted to kill him?
That's the way it looks.
I mean, that's the way it was meant to look.
You know, somebody might get the idea
that you'd palm the genuine when you got it out
of that safety deposit box.
If I did it was legal, then don't you forget it.
The white can't steal from my husband.
Legally, that one person you can't steal from yourself.
That's the law.
I was wrong.
You don't need a lawyer.
Would you help me?
I may hurt you, and it'll cost you anyway.
I know what's good for me.
Money.
Find that cup.
I know what's good for me, too.
So I took her 100 bucks, advised her to go home,
and made for my own humble logic.
They were not only humble, they were crowded.
The man was small, but the gun was enormous.
I said, don't bother to introduce yourself.
Your name is the meat tree Theopolis,
and you want this package that I'm carrying.
I know what's good for me, too.
So I took her 100 bucks, advised her to go home,
and made for my own humble logic.
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with Sam Spade.
They didn't answer me, so I said it again.
Don't bother to introduce yourself.
Your name is Demetri Fiopolis, and you
want this package that I'm carrying.
Of that, be a sewer.
You obtained this from my dear wife.
And how did you find my darling?
Not at the city pond, surprisingly enough.
Oh, you know my dear wife.
How soon you know my darling so well?
More than I had husband.
Is it possible?
I don't know, is it?
I don't know either.
I employ a detective.
Not this one.
I have need.
My poor partner, Mr. Brody.
You are interesting.
If you are interesting about who killed your partner,
that's one thing.
But if you want somebody to dig out your family's secrets,
that is nothing.
With me, you are always saying no place.
But why, don't I get the right to laugh?
There'll be no trouble, no scandal, no divorcement,
sewing of that, be a sewer.
Even poorchester is dead, so is what one called ancient history.
While he lived, I knew nothing.
I was blind.
After he died, I see certain things.
Yeah, well, you see that maybe your wife had a hand
and Brody's death?
What then?
Well, if it so happens that you cannot separate my darling
from that, do you follow?
Not quite.
I'm not an old man, but my dear wife is about 2 and 20
and a truly lovely person.
We did not be the part of husbandly wisdom
to have, shall I say, a hold over her?
If she's guilty, you won't need it.
Good.
Please, I cannot hold the gun and handle
my wallet at the same time.
Please.
No offense.
You keep the gun.
I'll take the wallet.
You trust me.
You will work for me.
I'll work for anybody.
Here, I left your cab for you.
Oh, assuredly, you are so very kind.
Oh, I'm not saying that.
How the fuck is this?
No.
Then I don't hesitate to suit you.
Oh, wait a minute.
Yes?
This is the fake.
You sure you want this?
Assuredly, yes.
A man has already been killed for it.
Your life's a high price to pay for a fake,
though fancy ten cup.
You're still thinking of the price?
Brother, I know it.
Then you know I will kill you for it.
OK, if it means that much to you,
and I guess it does, it's all yours.
OK, thank you.
Please remember where you are.
If you follow me, I will surely suit you.
For my front window, I watched them come out downstairs
and start across the street.
Then it happened.
I saw the gun flash as it fired,
and the amp was slumped to the pavement.
The package stood away from them and they'd be gutted.
I'd be the panel.
It'd take an all three pellets in the midsection
and close range, as the pulse flooded once or twice
and then stopped.
When I went to look for the package, it wasn't there.
I called homicide and waited until they took him away.
When I told Lieutenant Dundee what I had in mind,
he congratulated me on my brilliant scheme
and told me to go ahead with it.
That was his mistake.
I even talked him out of assigning any of these harness
and then to watch my building for the next couple of hours.
That was my mistake.
I went upstairs, opened the bottle, and waited
for your knock on my door, Commodore.
Well, sir, a man would almost think of expected us.
Keep him with Ryan in current.
Don't let him get to do it.
I say, welcome aboard.
No time for scuttle, but Mr. Spade.
We have bound for Bully Long Bali on the back of the roof,
sailing a dorm.
I want that cup.
But true, the genuine, the Baffio cup.
No more deceptions, no more trickery.
You will have it over without further delay.
Sure.
Be glad to.
Oh, no, not like that.
He will tell Clarence where it is stowed
and Clarence will fetch it above deck.
Why, you old barnacle.
The Arvel has never had his met on a genuine Baffio cup.
Huge water, sir.
When the altar was standard in San Francisco, he didn't have a farthing.
Now he owes half a million dollars.
If he hadn't got the genuine cup,
how could he have borrowed all that money?
Because a bunch of morons like you believed he had it.
That's my binocles, man.
You sound as though you believed what you're saying.
Look, Commodore, you're interested in high finance.
How did I have her Kruger make his millions?
Well, matches.
He was the match king, sir.
Matches had nothing to do with it, Commodore.
He started out with 15 million bucks
with a phony government bonds that he printed himself.
Follow?
They weren't even good cannabis,
but he was smart enough not to try and cash them.
He just kept them in a safety deposit box and borrowed money.
Theopolis, here's this phony Vaffio cup the same way.
That's my binocles, man.
You sound as though you believed what you're saying.
There's a familiar ring to it.
I do.
And I'll tell you why.
You knew that that was the fake in the package
when he held me up for it.
He was willing to risk his own life to get it out of circulation.
That's my timbers.
Oh, the officers left us without a shot in the locker.
You stay with one of the shows.
We're on our beam in.
It's ain't a mark, Commodore.
You pump a bilge blush.
We better haul our wind.
Yes, indeed.
I'm afraid it's getting all the warm in San Francisco.
Bulldog Beckham, you won't make it fast to the potato fetch.
What?
The cops are going to want some answers about a couple of steps
you left behind in San Francisco.
I'm glad you reminded me.
Can I plug them?
No, no.
We are taking you with us.
Oh, that's what you think.
Take it easy, mate.
I think I'll hurt them.
Yes.
Yes.
A rake of chloropharm filled the room
and a fist pounded over my belly.
It knocked my wind out of the same time.
My nose collided with something wet and cold.
I swung out, but didn't connect.
Before I could swing again, the room blurred
and the ceiling light floated down and meet me.
Then the lights went out all together.
At first, I couldn't figure it.
It sounded like what a doctor is through a stethoscope
or maybe an earthquake or maybe shipping.
Which it went out to date.
When the lights came out again,
I was laying on a bunk in a stator room.
I staggered across to the washbasin
and spliced water on my face.
Hello, you.
Eat it, as I hardly live in breathe.
It could get worse.
Yeah, where are we?
Oh, not very far out.
Not past the pherom.
Good.
I'm a stall.
I'll put me off of the planet.
Oh, no, you're not.
Your passage is pain.
Mine?
It is, huh?
It is.
You know who you are.
Who am I?
Chester Brody.
Then I'm dead.
They'll bury me at sea.
Roger.
Who are you?
I'm your widow.
What's the score, widow?
Chester's our book passage on this ship a week ago.
It was part of the plan.
Chester and the Commodore worked it all out.
Yeah, the cup was to have been stolen from me on the train.
Yes.
When the Commodore discovered it was a fake,
everything fell to pieces.
Yeah, he thought Chester was double crossing it.
They forced Chester to talk.
He told him to meet me.
He still had the genuine Vatio cup and had hired you
for the double cross.
Maybe he really believed it.
Anyway, they killed me.
Yeah.
Well, there's nothing on them yet.
But, uh, you're a material witness, right?
I have to at least one of the killings.
That's extra-dietable.
And that dawns on him.
I'll, uh, scuttle you, too.
It's already dawned on them.
I'm desperate.
Yes, I know.
It is.
You, you're practically hysterical.
We have to face that.
Yeah.
Well, give me a couple to face right now.
Where are the Commodore and Clarence?
Up on the bridge.
Good.
All you have to do is walk straight out of the cap
and he'll put them under arrest.
Well, that might be a good idea, darling.
Only...
Only what?
Only the Commodore is the captain.
That tore it.
You're a salty target fooled me, Commodore.
I never dreamed that you were really an old sea dog.
And I do mean dog.
But two can play it that damn.
For my own intimate knowledge of sea-story magazines,
I realized that all hands would be turned to
in the cargo gear.
And the crew quarters would be, therefore, empty.
And more time, and it takes to tell,
even if I have fitted ourselves out in dungaries,
jumpers, and watchcaps, and turn to with them.
I can't imagine coming here to you out of this hell.
Look to the hell.
Oh, you're a subordinate.
Fuck me out of there.
You too.
Look alive.
Still that preventer.
Oh, me?
You are Mary Carl.
Commodore, you may recall me as the man
who ran for a fire extinguisher
when the Bosenjell stole the preventer.
But experience is the best teacher.
And by the time we hold two to put the pilot over the side,
things were in such a state of confusion
that you had retreated to your cabin
with a quadruple ration of drogg.
Seizing that moment, I threw in and over the side yelled,
man, over the board!
And jumped in after it.
Once safely aboard the pilot's corner,
we revealed our true identity
and a married laugh is enjoyed by all.
It drops us at the foot of the market
and we waved warm farewells to our erstwhile rescuers,
then to the snug haven of my office
and a friendly cup,
if you'll pardon the expression,
in the grateful warmth of a gas radiator.
Hmm.
Unhealthy.
For me?
Gas fuel.
Why don't you move into a building with steam heat?
I like this building.
I've been here for a long time.
You don't make much money, do you?
You don't have to rub it in.
It's a lemme.
You happy?
Sure, I am.
Well, guess it's all right then.
You know, sweetheart, there's something missing in you.
Oh, what?
I don't know.
How do you know?
Forget it.
Well, I guess I'll go.
Do you mind if I don't see you at the door?
Why should I?
Why should I?
What?
Hey.
You are human.
You know, that what?
Go ahead, sweetheart.
Try on.
You want to speak up?
You shouldn't have kept it bottled up this long.
What?
It's not what you think.
What is it?
It's you.
You're so nice.
I'm nice.
Yeah, but you're in no place.
You never will be.
And you never will I?
And that carnador is the cargoer.
It was nice seeing you again down at the hall.
They tell me you and Clarence are both trying to turn state's evidence.
But according to the late bulletins, Clarence was leading by a neck in the state.
The DA was afraid that Jerry might not understand your salty talk.
Period.
End of sea chanting.
Oh, see?
That's what, what, what?
I just can't, I can't.
Oh, why can't you?
Are you feeling okay, F?
Oh, see.
You betrayed your trust, you.
Happy speaking.
What is it?
What is it?
I betrayed my trust, what?
Those criminals run at bullets.
Yes.
And you?
You jumped over, boy.
You feel that I was recalcitrant, is that it?
That my anchors were not true blue?
Clear cut, is that it?
Oh, I just go type this up.
And I'm sure you're going to explain.
I hope you can.
I hope.
Sour racket.
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I hope the selling is all right.
I will stop that.
You hate me then.
Oh, no.
No.
I suppose it foolish going long thinking that your ideal doesn't happen to claim.
Oh, Sam, I just can't.
I just can't imagine.
Don't you think I can explain?
Oh, yes.
I'm sure you can explain.
But you do.
You deserted your post and jump overboard like a thinking rat.
That's right.
Sam, that's so unlike you.
It was just by chance they were apprehended.
By chance you say.
Who do you think it was that got himself shot out of a torpedo tube and that submarine?
You think?
No, you think I'm crazy?
I did something too radio detectives ever this way.
I called the harbor patrols single-handed using only one nickel and had them picked up.
Oh, Sam, I wish I'd been there.
Well, it was just a small phone booth.
Besides, if you'd been there, would have been out of order.
Oh, Sam.
It came through after all.
You weren't ashamed that you ever doubted me.
Yes, I am.
There, there, there.
I forgive you.
Good night, Sam.
Good night, sweetheart.
Good night, sweetheart.
The adventures of Sam Spade,
National Hammond's famous private detective, are produced and directed by William Spear.
Sam Spade is played by Howard Dove.
The adventures of Sam Spade are written for radio by Bob Tallman and Gildown.
Musical direction is by Ludgusskin with score composed by Renee Garrigan.
Join us again next Sunday when author, Dashel Hammond and producer, William Spear,
join forces for another adventure with Sam Spade.
Brought to you by Wildroot Cremoyle.
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This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
