Sarah Jakes Roberts - Accepting Confidence

0:00To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left. If... If... Please don't, if I bought it then, please don't touch. Please stop, keep talking that mess, that's fine. But could you walk and talk at the same time, man? Can't grab your keys. Hurry up before your taxi leaves. Hey, hey, ciao. You want to talk about confidence? Confidence is saying I could have another you in a minute. Matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute. Now, let's be honest for a minute. In 2006, 2007, I think that's about when this song came out. How many times did you play this song to get over somebody? You did not really think was replaceable.

1:02The gag about this song is that most of us who had to play with it over and over again weren't really sure we could find someone to replace them. But that's all right, because if we wanted to have another you in a minute, possibly who knows? Okay, Neja says why this extra thing she can sing? Why would you say I cannot sing? First of all, check your heart. Check your heart about why you would kill your sister's dream. Why would you come in here killing my dream and we just started? Huh? Christina says, hey pastor Sarah, hey girl, hey. Okay, listen, Cassie says you can't sing just like me. Wow. Is that how we're going to do it? Is that how we're going to do it? Lydia Cohen says I played it last year, but I will never ever again moving forward. L.O.L. has tag glow up. Let me tell you, sure else says I feel I don't want no scrub in my spirit. I don't want no scrub. I scrub as I have a hanging on up for me.

2:03Hanging up that best friend. I have his friends right? Trying to all read me. I'm taking requests. If you cannot tell, I am taking requests. The peculiar person says I am so glad to be catching a live in the audio makes sense from the get go. It's a blessing. I love you so much, Esher. Thank you. We had a backup plan just in case the audio wasn't hitting, but it sounds like we're doing all right. So you all can hear my song perfectly. You're tripling good for nothing type of Wi-Fi. Oceiling me while having I found another like charter spectrum. When times get hard, you try to take me out instead of the delegation going, whoop yo, but you're tripling. Let me tell you something. The moment I started taking, let me tell you something. This is a word. The moment you start operating in your gift, your under your undercover gift.

3:09Just know that there will be haters. Your undercover gift will be shut down by haters. But don't let that keep you from uncovering your gift. Do you understand what I'm saying? As I was saying, I'm taking requests. Someone requested Beels, Beels, Beels, and Beels, Beels, is what you got. Erin says, hey, your Facebook Live Cutout, we know, Jeff. I was right in the middle of lifting up my mighty song. I was doing scrubs. And then I said way into Beels, Beels, Beels, because yes, Christina's undercover gift. Yes, singing is one of my undercover gifts. Is that? Wow. I thought we were good there, but I guess we weren't good there. Everyone's on the same page now. Latoya says, my voice is angelic.

4:11Angelic says, but sis, let's be sure it's a gift. Tasha says, can we get a new singer? But how are we? I mean, but like, how are we going to walk together? Unless we be agreed? And I just, I don't, I just don't. I'm a cigarette. I try to walk away and not stomach. I just, though I try and hide it. It's clear. My work cuts out then when you are not here. If that was not the best, Macy Gray singing you've heard, you're lying on a Monday or Wednesday. Or whenever you listen to this podcast, you're lying. You love that, Macy Gray. What are you all doing? What is happening in your world? Okay. Sistries? Sissy says, no, hey, but sometimes your undercover gift should stay under the cover.

5:14Why? Emona says, we agree with your sermon. Whatever. I will not be and I will not be silence. I will always sing this song when we open up this podcast. Regina says, preparing for a Zoom call. We are wishing you no Wi-Fi issues like I have all of the time when just trying to be, just trying to be a good person and do the podcast on time. What's going on in your world? Are we drinking water? Are we mining our business? What are you accepting in your life? Okay. Last week we talked about accepting truth. Okay. The truth, the hard truth, the ugly truth, the beautiful truth. This week we're talking about confidence. I've got a few stories that I think are going to speak into this accepting confidence. Hopefully we'll rescue them. If not, I definitely have a snack.

6:16Gabby says, I had shrimp last week and couldn't stop chuckling thinking about roaches of this. I tried to tell you, if you don't accept my singing, maybe you don't accept my veganism either. What you need to accept though for short shrimp are the roaches of this. Not still eat them. But I just want you to know, Britney White says, since you sung that better than Macy Gray honestly. And this is the kind of corner that you need. Sure else says, last week we talking about roaches, what is this week's top? Who knows where this week will take us. Mary says, or Marie says, I'm here at physical therapy. Listen and we'll big up to you. Listen to what your instructor is saying but also get these giggles. What is happening in your life? Okay. Catchy says, fine line between confidence and pride. Ego. Okay. That's true. There is a difference. Champagne is your version of veganism is in realistic. Honestly, I feel like I'm being attacked.

7:18Honestly, I'm feeling like there's not unity in this podcast already. Okay. So I will be honest. Okay. I am not a vegan. Additionally, because accepting truth. Additionally, I am not a singer. I know that I've known this for a long time that I wasn't a singer. And also that I wasn't vegan. But what I will say is this, I enjoy singing anyway. And just because my gift has not been affirmed or validated, doesn't mean that it can't be used for a few giggles. I personally enjoy singing with my whole heart. Even though I sound terrible. And if you need some joy in your life,

8:18touch this girl, we know, oh, okay. Wow. So what I will say is this just because you can't do something. Doesn't mean you can't do something. You know what you know what I mean? Because like I enjoy it. It's fun for me. I laugh at myself when I do it. And I just I won't be silent. So maybe you'll just have to skip like the first 30 seconds if you don't want to hear me singing. But don't miss it. First of all, y'all know I have been singing some throwbacks that just reminded you of a time when you were even. And now you're not even anymore. But them songs remind you when you was even. And that is my joy. Okay. Kami says I'm struggling with being vegan. It's not easy. I know it's not easy. And I know it takes a lot of work because I have tried. Okay. I know I have tried. But I have found that when you really like works and recipes that you don't have to miss it. Go on Womeningvolve TV.

9:18Get the trial. Breeda is teaching us how to make vegan recipes. So each of that each of vegetables eat that tofu. Eat the stuff that makes it hard. But every now and then swing through with a bomb vegan recipe that keeps you that keeps you on track. Ashley takes it. Oh, I live in Eve. Ashley move. I'm out from amongst them. I'm out from amongst Eve. It's fine. Okay. So like I said, what's going on in your world? Are you drinking your water? Are you mining your business? Tunisia says wait, wait. Some of us are still even come out from even on. And on the said Sarah vegan life is rough and very expensive. You ain't never like. Let me tell you because like I could not make everyone. My household will not be vegan. They and I cook for a thousand people, a thousand people who live here. And so which means I would need to still cook dinner for them and also be vegan for myself. And even if they were willing to be vegan, I don't have,

10:18I can't afford for them to all be vegan. Unless we just want to be like eating fruit off a tree. And even fruit is expensive. Honey, Chris, apples are $2. $2. More than apple. Okay, y'all thinking $2 for an apple and bad. Y'all must not have a thousand people to feed. If everybody in my house have an apple a day for a snack, it ain't like that's a meal. That's $16. Of I'm still hungry. Okay. I'm not here for it. Rukises beyond burgers are so nice. I made sure an impossible burger yesterday. She loved it. Okay. So I've tried to ask you a few times what's happening in your world. Christina says, my dancing is a whole undercover struggle gift. That's all right. What is your, can I ask you a question? What is your undercover gift? Shaw has a powerful undercover singing gift. And I don't even know why she sits here in cringes. If y'all don't follow Shanice at the real Shanice Jones.

11:19If y'all don't follow her on Instagram, Shanice loves to get on her InstaStory and give you prime on T vibes. She throwbacks and she's like, she tells me where I'm from and what I really do. So there will be a lot of decline on TV. She throws backs and she holds the phone up so you can see her dancing. She got her arm swinging in the back where the money was out. She put her arm up in the back. What we're not going to do is that we don't function in areas where we don't be, you know, call the function. How about that? in prayer. Natalie, Natalie, I love you. Did you see what Natalie Janice says? Natalie says, it's impossible to eat a burger made of vegetables and I love it. And I love to see it. Okay. Lawana says I'm eating a plant-based pescatarian. I love it. No, you're gonna feel amazing. Honestly.

12:20Sherrell says my undercover gift is a comedian or rapper. Thank you all for helping me. So also one of my not-so-undercover, I will say it's low key. So there's like undercover low key and high key. One of my low key gifts is rapping. Okay. I've got hand movements. I know I've got a whole little I can catch a rhythm. Okay. I can catch a beat a little bit. Okay. So that is one of my low keys. But operating your joint came to me says poetry dancing and singing live. Okay. He's Sean and Michelle says y'all gonna stop coming for SJR voice and I appreciate it. Okay. All right. Listen. So you already know what time it is. It is time. And Vanessa, Shanice, pin your IG tag because I already forgot it. It is at you don't want me to say it again. It's not the real no more. What is it? It's at Shanice M Jones at Shanice S H A N I E C E Jones J O N E S. When can we expect

13:25another performance from you at Shanice M Jones? Don't post my oh okay you post mine. All right. Any who listen? Ella turned six over the weekend. We had a birthday party. Quarantine family. Yeah. It was no. It was just us sitting at the house. We had many miles come over. She had on the whole. We found somebody who addressed up it many miles and put her whole face under a mask. It's because we not playing with the viruses and things. And it was a blessed time. But many tried to take us through a little dance routine. But I had to pull a little swag on mine. Okay. I had to pull a little tank on it. Okay. Because that's what you need to do sometimes. All right. Listen. Moving on. This time for us to get this show on the road. Okay. We got to get this road on the show. Do you see what I'm saying? Oh, I'm going to put it in the she put it in the chat in YouTube at Shanice M Jones. There it is. Follow her and watch these anti vibes. And she will lead you into pure auntie hood with the moves. And we love it. To key says

14:29we seen many miles getting her walk on many miles was walking. I sent a video to my cousin. My cousin says many is doing the walk challenge. And let me tell you one more thing. It was very difficult. It was very difficult for me to just catch a snippet of what could be appropriate. When I looked up the walk song challenge by saucy Zantana, I said my word, my word. But then I still went on and put a three seconds of it. The three seconds is clean. I went on there while many miles was walking. All right. Listen. Okay. So let's get into the get down. All right. So some of you are live for the first time. Get into the comment section. We want to hear from you. We need your opinion. It's time to rescue some people. Okay. And like I said, this week's theme, the whole month, we're talking about acceptance, but specifically this week, we want to talk about accepting confidence. And I have some stories where I feel like that confidence was ringing high, but we have

15:29to determine whether or not we could even stretch to that level of confidence. Now, I'm going to let you know based off of how I was being dragged over my singing, I'm not confident that the Saints are going to want to bring this level of stretching to the rescue stories. But who am I? Let's see. The view. Okay. This week, Democrat Van Jones appeared on the view and was interviewed by a pair of the shows co host, sunny host, and Anna Navarro, where he was chastised for his prior political actions. People in the black community don't trust you anymore. Hostin flatly told Jones who was black. Hostin said Jones was perceived as being a political opportunist and chameleon who provided racial coverage for former President Donald Trump. Jones has spoken frequently about Trump's contributions to the black community, including what he says is Trump's support of opportunity zones, historically black colleges and universities in prison reform. Okay. Jones seems surprised by the charge and said,

16:31I don't think that's true. Then he says my entire life has been about bringing people together to solve tough problems for the people at the bottom who don't have anything. Jones continued adding that his support for prison reform and the release of prisoners of color necessitated working with Republicans. I'm going to keep doing it with whoever's in the White House. You know, I love this story because you know, Van Jones did what a lot of us struggle with doing. And I'm not even going to say that I've mastered it because I am very much so an all or nothing person. He found a way to be in a relationship with an administration he did not necessarily fully agree with because his purpose was greater than the tension of working with the administration. Now, let me tell you something. You talk about somebody who will bite off their nose despite their face. You had never heard that before. Don't bite off your nose despite your face.

17:33It means if you get mad at your face, don't bite off your nose despite the, yeah, don't bite off your face. Why do people say this? Don't bite off your nose. It's what I said, Shanese, don't bite. If you get upset with your face, don't bite off your nose. Everyone knows this. Am I saying it wrong? This is a whole thing. Okay. Anyway, let's see. Shanese is less rescue. Jones, I love that. Tense it. Don't cut off your nose despite your face. But that's the same thing. You brought that cutting like it was different than biting. It's all the, it's still a nose without a face. And I still don't fully because if I get mad at my face and I cut off my nose, then I showed my face who was boss. But then I'm walking around without a nose. Wow, look at that. Okay. Any who, Van Jones lives by this because he didn't cut off his nose despite his face because he need his nose to smell and for prison reform. Hmm. Jason, I've never heard it. Tense it. It's still a nose

18:39without a face. That's what I'm saying. And he says, yes, you need your nose. So don't get rid of it because it's useful. That's right. Any who can we save Van Jones, Van Jones, okay. Can we save Van Jones? He found a way to make it happen. So delegation, what say you? Can we rescue? For us, it says rescue. Okay. He says rescue. Courtney says rescue. I catch you says my, my papa used to say got your nose now. Um, Ronnie says no rescue. You need to say it is still a face. They laughing at me. Um, Dominique says I heard it but never understood it. I obviously didn't understand it either when I slowed it down. Air cuz there's rescue. We need individuals to stand when so many leave it up to someone else. Yes, you know, like Van Jones is out here doing the hard work. I felt like even though the administration had a lot of areas where growth and compassion and empathy could have made a huge difference. He was able to somehow like keep focused on what really

19:41mattered in spite of the potential areas. Like I don't know when I watched the whole video, he basically said what was in that quote, which is like the people who are in prison, they don't care who's president. They're trying to get help. They need someone who doesn't mind handing standing up to solve to hard people and to make sure that that, you know, goal is being met. And I felt like Van Jones was really wise and able in the way that he was able to do that. And I understand how sometimes when we don't fool with somebody, we don't want anybody to fool with them, but I thought it was dope how he kept his eyes on the prize. She says he was a strong Trump supporter and it was not all about prison reform. No rescue. Vanessa says rescue him. Jessica sources. I don't know about this one. He gets a strong side eye from me. Strong side eye. Hmm. Natalie says no, he gets an impossible burger and some flip flops. How could you not love the delegation? How I just don't understand how we cannot. Dominic says send him the yacht. Madonna says Van has gotten so many

20:45chances to get it right. But yet he is definitely a political opportunist. Interesting. You know, now I have to admit that I a hold on rescue. They were rude to him and it's pronounced, pronounced hostile like, oh, like hostile. The I sound got to look out for our fearlessly. Come on, hostile, not hosting, hostile. I'm gonna, I put host because host in. That's how it was built. And I'm just out here. But now I know, hostile like hostile. Teach us on today. Where just says he said, I'm gonna go to the H. E. double hockey. Guys, this okay. All right. So how about this? Can we consider an impossible burger and water skis? Can we give them some water skis? Abby says rescue the nose quote. That is not up for that's not can I call you back? Because that one is not up for debate

21:45right now. Can we rescue my thoughts? I say we rescue with water skis and an impossible burger. That's what I say. And Janine says L. O. L. So he says he was definitely not a Trump supporter. That's crazy talk. Okay. Terence says I vote for water skis for sure. I like water skis. They look fun. They look complicated, but they also look like they could get the job done. I like water skis. Okay. Asus is definitely water skis. Michael McFenner says if I can't let my brother sing sing him a boat. All right. Water skis. We have decided impossible burger and water skis. Now some of the delegation has said no, I see them. They're saying no, but this is what I'm going to say. Okay. Let's say. Let's say we agreed a disagree on this one just like we decided about. About my singing. How about that? You need to say no, but a floaty. He has to blow up and he can get

22:49an impossible burger for the string. I also like that water skis and what we'll do is we'll put the floaty in the water and if it float over to him as well, he'll have something he can blow up on the water skis, but he might have to choose between the water skiing and impossible burger. But if he put that impossible burger in the water and still eat it, bedded tastes the same. Brasia or Nasha? No. All right. All right. So we are going to try that and we're going to see what happens. Asher says how many browns can water skis though that's drowning. Ashley, why would you call us browns? I just why would you call us browns? What is wrong with these people? All right. So we're going to give water skis with a floaty close by an impossible burger because we appreciate the prison reform. We're benefiting from the prison reform and sometimes you'd be out here. So Jade Roper Tobert recently admitted that she

23:56doesn't want to mom today while battling intrusive thoughts. Jade Roper Tobert took to Instagram to share that she was struggling to balance being a mom of two young kids and a newborn. 11 weeks of no sleep and to be honest, I don't want to mom today. That sentence alone is so powerful. When I read this story, I said to myself, I know this sentence very well. Terrence is rescue her. That I don't want to mom today. Have you ever decided I don't want to I don't want to work today? I don't I have been so tired that it was like I don't want to eat today. I just want to stay in bed. My stomach be growling. I'm like growling be quiet. I don't want to eat today. She wants to rescue because I don't want to teach her mom today or tomorrow. When are we going to want to again? Can I tell you can we talk about it real quick? Shots it. It isn't mommy depression. She's stressed. Okay, let me finish

25:01reading it. Tobert's Instagram post began yet here I am right now typing and having a kid's electric toothbrush thrown in my face literally. We'll come turning it on and off for the a millionth time because it makes Brooks happy sweet and only mama can turn it on and off. She continued, I've become more resilient this time around to letting the little expectations go. But the sleep deprivation during the newborn state is brutal and I think my walk. Sleep deprivation is terrible. There was a moment when Ella was a baby where I literally thought I will never sleep again. Okay, Alani says I tell my kids I changed my name from mine. Oh my gosh, I do that too. They're like mommy mommy. I'm like she's not here. I don't know where she went. And do you know what? I started making them. I started answering to names of incredible historical black women just because why not? Have you ever decided to mess with your kids the way they mess with you?

26:01So when I don't answer to mommy after a few times they're like Michelle Obama. Madam CJ Walker. I'm like keep digging. Not her. And you know what? It forces them to do more research on their history. Okay, you've heard about the feelings box. But let's talk about black history. My teacher children black history by only answering to black history people. Okay, legends, icons. Okay, that's what I do. Fashion jazz says rescue her two kids and child. When I say rescue her money, it says this baby needs a rescue and it's her husband helping at all. Kids are exhausting. Can you say I don't have kids so no more. And it says no sleep is really to get on. It's the no sleep part. I can do anything through Christ as long as I have sleep. When I don't have sleep, I'm limited. And like that throwing a toothbrush at my head, I become literally a totally different person. Like when Ella was a baby and then she started biting the

27:01box. You want to talk about the box? The box says if you thought it's not, if you thought it's toothbrushing me one more time. You see what you do with no sleep? No, what I would say is if my child was throwing the toothbrush at me and I was living in the highest version of myself in my feelings box, I was that I can understand how that seems like a lot of fun for you. But it's actually hurting mommy. And I know you love mommy and you don't want to hurt mommy, right? Okay, so let's not throw it at mommy. Let's throw it at the pillow. Maybe we could throw it at daddy and he could come help. But let's not throw it at me. Okay, um, Kardashian says no sleep is the ghetto. Amen. Nancy says rescue her a sap. She needs a helicopter. She needs a spa treatment. She needs, can we get shots that say I can do anything through Christ as long as I have sleep? Please. Tell me that. All right. Shay says rescue her with a jet and send her straight to this

28:07file for some pampering and me time agreed. Natalie says, yeah, uh, uh, my feelings box would be a chick filet. Which uh, Rachel says throw one more time and I'm throwing it back. That's what I do if I hate kids. Let me tell you when I say the one time Ella was running around the house with a wooden spoon time, she was gonna give me a pow pow and then she actually popped me and I took that wooden spoon back and I popped her right on her tail. I popped her right on her tail and it wasn't one of them cute ones that you do when you pretend and then she giving them pow pow. I hit her with force right on her tail. Not that much force, not child abuse force, but enough force to make that booty sting a little bit, make it burn a little bit and then she was like, you hurt me. She she couldn't even cry because she was so shot. I said, you hurt me. Well now we both hurt. Now I need a feelings box. So how about that? Evie said the breastfeeding when the kid has teeth. Make you forget. You be breastfeeding your children and then bite down and you forget you for a minute. Your reflexes don't know you a mother and your reflexes be like, you know, all up on your

29:11child a little bit and that's you know, that's all right. Um, okay. So, child says throw the life jacket to her. We're gonna throw her the life jacket. Dominique says, rescue her ASAP. She needs to she needs the works hotel stay by herself. Yes. Sharon says, that's what I'm talking about Sarah. Sometimes you got a pop up. Sometimes, but they pop them back is what I'm saying pop them back. Ashley Tate says, I get tired of blinking if I'm not careful. Finger up. I cannot imagine it to blinking be exhausted. She real says, as Sharon needs a vacation and she's never lying. She's never lying. Um, okay. So let's rescue her. The delegation, delegation and Greasy y'all. This next story. I'm going in the deep. I'm going in the deep. Influencer Juliana Carlos is apologizing for heckling LeBron James during the Lakers game against

30:18the Hawks in Atlanta on Monday. Juliana, who was kicked out of the game after she stood up and removed her mask to yell at the athlete, shared a statement on Instagram Tuesday saying she took responsibility for her actions. She said about last night to say things escalated quickly at yesterday's game as an understatement. And I want to apologize for losing my cool and removing my mask in the heat of the moment. I saw a video. Okay. Of her talking about how LeBron came with her husband and she didn't care who LeBron was. If somebody comes at her man, she was like, what kind of girl would I be if I if I sat there while somebody was coming at my man? No delegation. I have a question for you. And I want to know if I'm a bad wife because if my husband is getting into it with another man and listen, looks like the man has won up to my man. I'm pretty much going to my business like in the movies where the man where the man and the bad guy be fighting

31:18and the girls in the court. And then she knocked the bad guy knock your man out and she's sitting over there like that. Like I would never let that happen if we beat them down, we beat them down together. But if two grown men having an argument in a conversation, like what I look like jumping in first of all for me, it makes me feel like my man, like I'm trying to say my man can't handle himself unless my mouth is in it. Am I bad for that? But we should rescue her because maybe I'm bad. Maybe I'm maybe I'm not on my game the way I need to be. Jason's he can handle it on his own experiences. I saw the video too. She played herself her 80 year old husband was not about to fight. It wasn't that deep. Delegation be having all the stuff. Ray von said, I'm I'm staying in my place. I'm not about to fight. No, man, I'm first of all not only am I not going to fight a man. I'm not going to fight LeBron James. Like if you bring me a little short man with like, you know, who look a little fragile, I, you know, I just, but who stands up to LeBron James? Somebody six foot

32:23thirteen and says that you're going to mess them up. How do we do that? How could we I couldn't, I don't see it happening for, but you talk about accepting confidence. This is what I'm saying. I'm wrong, but she's wrong because there's something to be said about her saying, I don't care who you are. If you run up on my man, you're going to get dealt with. Okay, LeBron James or not. Okay, I, I'm doing it. She now says she can't sit at our table. So, no, lettuce says she doesn't get rescued because that's the same care and behavior they pull on us out in the street and they play scared when the police come. The factuals. Okay, Marcia says I'm with you as they are. Ray von says, right, he's going to step on my five one behind. Nancy says move on. She not getting it from this delegation. Is there another delegation anywhere who would maybe consider it? Nicky has said, agreed. My man is very strong. I don't worry about him. I have never been in a situation where I felt like my husband now, now, if my husband

33:25is talking to another woman and she pops fly, you've called my name. And I, I am here to answer. Now, you pop off on him and you are woman. You need a woman to talk to. But I am not getting in between two men. What I look like, I can't imagine it. Ray said she probably was drinking courage to rescue hot mess. Come on. She want to rescue. Um, I said, no rescue. Ager says, no, okay, Dominique says, no, if you buck for my husband, Brianna says, right, right, right, right. River the diva says, that's big different. Um, Nancy said she had to protect her bag. Desmond says, you've called my, you've called my name. If you're going off on my husband, you have ranked my telephone. And I am answering, okay. This is a hit dog. Warhola Jessica says, yes, I love you as they are. It's riding big time. Um, so are we rescuing Unique says exactly says, don't come for my man, girl,

34:27you can catch these hands. You went, don't ever. And not lowkey like that also goes for my mother because my mother has lived long enough. She's, you know what? My mother is at an age where she shouldn't have to pick up any dust bunnies. You know what I'm saying, Shaw? No dust bunnies. No dust bunnies. My mother is at an age where she doesn't do dust bunnies anymore. I do. I do. I still have my dust or out. But no, I don't tap this into jet, but she got to be on basketball wives next season as a pop up. Okay. Um, then you're still no rescue. Marcia says one on one. He got it. But if the congregation show up, then it's vastly in time for sure. Okay. Aaron said she gets no rescue. She was too crazy with it. Okay. Not doing that. Keke's critique said you better say that that one won't get that business, but two grown men, not even. Okay. Marcia's let them in be. Uh, so we're not going to rescue. Guess that's a no.

35:35Guess we're not going to do that. That's fine. Um, all right, then. So I guess we'll move on. Let me see. Unapologetically me, V says I was a writer, die wife for my husband. And yes, if a woman pops, pops off at him, that would have been my cue to pop off, but he can handle me and for sure. Okay. All right. So let's move on. Guess we're not doing that. Guess we're not doing that. Um, y'all have been waiting. And I have been waiting. And the time has come for us to no longer wait. Um, should I even, should I do what is in between here? Should I just move on to a shop? Okay. Okay. Okay. Here's the thing. I blame got to be glued. I blame got to be glued because it's

36:45confusing. If there's anyone to blame here, the blame is on got to be glued. When I first heard that people were putting got to be glued on their wig, I saw it on YouTube. And I said, because I had a time in the 2000, it's like 2005 to probably about 2008 where I was glueing my track scene. And I was pulling them tracks out and my hair was coming right out with them tracks. So when I heard about got to be glued, I was like, Oh, no, I've done that before. And they're like, it's not glue is jail. I can see how we could end up in a situation where you say to, and then y'all got gorilla smite. Don't act like we don't know how this happened. Come on. As a community, let's come together. We know how this happened. We got got to be glued and we got gorilla smite. In a time of desperation, how bad could it be? We found out. We found out. We found out because gorilla glue,

37:55gorilla glue is so strong that you can put it on a chair. You can put a whole chair together and sit your whole self in that chair. And it will hold you up. That's how strong it is. Gorilla glue is not for your scalp. It's not for your scalp. And in a friend, a member of the delegation, she doesn't even know it. She found out the hard way. She found out the hard. She found out the hard way. She found out the hard. When I first saw it, I thought I had a giggle because I once again, I was like gorilla glue. Got to be glued. I see how we got here. And then when I realized just how bad this is, it wasn't it. Can we please rescue? Can we please rescue our good sis who put gorilla glue on her hair? I mean, Tannashi says no, no, she used industrial glue.

39:06There is no rescue. Angelica says she's a grown adult with two adult kids, no rescue. Lordly says, CC Catchment, who is we ain't imparted that movement? I'll never, I missed it. I missed what she says. To me, she says, why would she even hair come straight out of it out if it ever loosened? I'm at this point because one I will say it worked. Her hair is laid to the scalp. Okay, her hair is laid to the scalp. That's not Eco-Styler jail. Her hair is laid to be scalp. Okay, it worked. Which means that loosening up is probably going to take a little scalp. I just, but I see how we got here. Blab, blah, blah says I just came in and I'm already saying no. Actually says rescue the baby. Thank you, Alani says rescue these people. You're not in says I'm going rescue because something

40:09has to be abnormal to even think that makes it she not, she not my sister, LOLZ. It says, first of all, she literally did not every form of help and she said she didn't want to help and she didn't want to help, but now she wants to sue. She's going to sue gorilla glue, gorilla glue, gorilla glue, please, I could, I don't have my law degree. I had my doctor degree from last week's episode, but if I could get my law degree, I feel like I could take this case. Seven says, do you think she knew what she was getting her stuff into? It's hard to believe she was completely clueless. I don't think she was completely clueless, but I do think she felt like how bad could it be? You know what I mean? Because like nail glue, like you know how nail glue, you put a little nail glue on your hands or on your fingers and it comes off. Your hand be a little hard in that spot for a few days, but then eventually like a miracle, it goes away. I think that that's what she thought was going to happen with that gorilla glue, but that gorilla glue told Hale no, okay, that gorilla glue said I'm here to stay. Brandy said she has no, okay, simply,

41:11it says, she went to the ER and they gave her acetone, acetone that video is even worse. It's gotta be terrible. Marie says, rescue her, please, I would like to rescue. Dominique says, rescue, gorilla glue, because that was mine and there was now I was going to alternatively say, can we rescue gorilla glue? Because you know, gorilla's not got to be glued. It's all very confusing and all they said was put your chair together, okay, all they said was just put this wood together, glue something to you wall, you know what I mean? Glue some fabric together. They never say it, put it on your scalp, okay, Neja says she does not, she does not, my thing is scrolling so fast against it, she does not get a rescue in Jesus name, okay. Angelique says she made a conscious, I will not read that LL. Tapeth says, right, I can understand the bow hat, the bow bad, could it be logic? She just a little off. Right, I can understand that how bad could it be logic? That's what I

42:17think. I think it was like really one of those like how bad could it be? Like maybe I'm going to have to deep condition a little bit, I may have to steam it, but, but wow, we were off. Deep says, plus her hair was laid on her IG, how do you from slaying to being crazy? People can slaying be crazy. Hello, one of them. Hello, hello, slaying don't mean you're not crazy. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, say this is guerrilla glue with just mind and their business. Sometimes, sometimes you can't slay because you're too busy not being crazy. That's why I get on this, but I've been crazy on this podcast, so that's not a good example. But if I had to slay every day, and show up for my life, I would be crazier, crazier, okay? Dayzo says, let's rescue the poor baby. We know she ain't going to do it again. That's for sure. Tasha and says guerrilla glue was minding their business and be hard wear section emphasis on hardware and Nancy skaters says the barber can

43:21save her with clippers. We can't rescue. I was thinking the even the barber though, because like, your hair needs to be up, you know what I mean? CC cashmere said, listen, I put an air on my eyebrows thinking it wasn't going to be bad and had an allergic reaction next morning with red bumps everywhere. Life be out here. Life be out here and you be thinking to yourself, how bad could it be? How bad could it be? I shaved when I was a child, I shaved all of my eyebrows off with a razor, like a leg razor, because when I was a child, I was like 11 or 12 and y'all had just started arching your eyebrows and I always wanted to be in. I always wanted to be a part of the crowd and so I said, oh, if we shave and eyebrows, I got you. And I took my eyebrows off and I walked out the room as if it never happened. And my, because I didn't know, I thought maybe no one would pay attention and I just thought I'm going to just go out here and act normal. And my mother says, Sarah, have you ever heard my mother speak? Sarah. What happened to your eyebrows?

44:26That's when I let her know. Okay. Z is his, as they are, she 49 to 12. I knew y'all was going to catch me on that age limit, but that's fine. Reaver the diva said she got a weight to that new growth hit. Yes, she's exactly she lined the weight to that new growth and then the barber can maybe do something. I bet she could just let it grow out because the hair is going to puff up. If she lets it grow, but it's been that way for a month, is it going to grow with that gorilla glue on top of it? Is it going to give new growth? Because all she needs is like one of them I sleaked my hair back for a Miami South Beach night and then the humidity got me so it puffed up. She just need a little puff up back there and then she could probably just really take it on off like that. Because I'm worried about the skin. I'm worried about the skin on this thing. Okay. And it says me to L.O.O. but I was 21. They need to be more clear about how they're shaving their eyebrows. And it says you know how long it takes for eyebrows to grow back. I do. That's why I went got my microbladed because they still I'm still waiting on them to recover. Oh,

45:29necessities she has already got it all. Shut your mouth holy ghost. Hold on, let me go on here. She got it all. Hey y'all, I just want to take this time right now to thank everybody that has been praying for me since day one. Half the people I don't even know. I swear on everything. I wish I could come to everybody one by one and give you a big hug. I've been trying to answer all calls, texts and inboxes, but it's a lot. So right now I'm sending a virtual hug. Okay. Let me see. But did we get it? But did we? Let me go on the insta story. Let me. Well, amen. She got it all. Can y'all send me a thing of her with it all? All right. But listen. Herena says she went to the ER. I know, but then the ER gave her some asses. Never mind. Okay. Never mind. Jaylon said she said thank you, but she didn't post a butt on IG. And if I

46:33wanted to just stay on the comments instead of going on Instagram, I could have done that. She places if you've ever wondered if you're saved, saved, shut up holy ghost. All the way. That's and you don't even know how often I say that. If any says see now she don't need a rescue. Cheers to a big old next. All right. Well next moving on. I guess I guess we'll move on. All I will say is that I thought that she got the asses home, but they hadn't taken it off. That you know what though? After this, after this, I bet she's going to spend a lot of time just recovering, you know, because we don't know where this is headed. And she's going to, oh, Dee says I saw a picture, but not sure if it was her, but she's about because you know when people get on here, then they start putting all of these different pictures and Photoshop and stuff. We don't know. Oh, Adeen said she sent me the after pic. Where did you send it to? You sent it to my text. Text messages. You sent it to my to my deemoration. Where you send it to? You sent it to my

47:39text. There it is. That's is that her? That's not her. Is that? That's not her. Is that her? I don't know. Y'all this podcast is trash. All right. Listen, thank you for sending that to my deemoration. I wouldn't saw it. Listen, let me tell you something. Homegirl going to be at the house recovering from this. She's world famous. She don't know what is happening yet next. She don't know what that scout situation is going to be while she's sitting at the house. I have a suggestion. My suggestion is that she goes on Skillshare. If she goes on Skillshare, take the remaining gorilla glue and take a woodworks class over on Skillshare because woodworks is going to show how to gorilla glue and then you're going to be like, wow, there's still a place in the kingdom for the gorilla glue. That transition wasn't good. Well, I wanted to put it above and then you told me not to so I had to just pull from what I had. This is actually your fault. Skillshare is an online learning

48:43community where literally thousands upon thousands of people come together to take the next step in their creative journey with thousands of inspiring classes for creative and curious people on topics including illustration, design, photography, video, freelancing and more. Class topics include graphic design, photography, creative writing, crafts, in which you can use your gorilla glue. I was saying she's already got the tools and then you Skillshare, like I mentioned, it's where millions come together to take the next step. They offer thousands of inspiring classes for creative and curious people on topics including illustration, design, photography, video, all of those things I just named. Skillshare classes include a combination of video lessons and a class project, a project that you can do at home, like homework. It has classes to fit your schedule and skill level

49:46beginners. Get on top of this. Now I already told you all. There is one of the reasons why I love Skillshare the most is that I am tired of my children watching TV or looking at me. If that baby who's got them two babies in a newborn, she needs to put that newborn in front of Skillshare. Learn how to not throw toothbrushes. I don't know if they have classes for infants. I'm just saying it is a great aftercare program and my children have benefited from it greatly. Okay. There are multiple class topics that would appeal to any of your senses and creative urges. So get on there, start learning. Let me tell you something about education. It really is shifting. No longer do you have to go to school to learn how to do something. There is a class that is there to teach you whatever it is you want to learn and you can learn it now and quickly and at your own pace. Skillshare is also incredibly affordable, especially when compared to pricey and personal classes and workshops. Okay. Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com slash evolve and get a free trial of premium

50:48membership. Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com slash evolve and get a free trial of premium membership. Many of you says I'm crying. That was the best transition ever would work. See this what I'm saying. Queen fashion says how much you're getting free premium membership if you put in our code. Okay. How about that? Ashley says, Cheryl Stanley did she ask her team since the I've been in the mighty deep confidently. I'll have this what Cheryl says. Okay. So how about that? Skillshare says I should do I should teach not Skillshare. That said you should do something on there. I should have a Skillshare class. What should my Skillshare class be about singing? It could be for singing. Vocal lessons. I could do vocal lessons on Skillshare. I can share my skill

51:49of singing. All right. So y'all get that free premium membership and stop sin at the house scrolling on Instagram feeling like I should do something with my life. Do something. Hail Mary. All right. Hail Mary's when we take some time and we just acknowledge people out here who are doing a whole thing. Okay. Amanda Seald is one of them. I saw this article from Exxonin Cole. And it's about Amanda Seald's talking about why marriage isn't a priority for some black women. Amanda Seald is a business woman, a comedian and host. Through her comedy she has perfected the art of interchangeably mixing cultural and political conversations. Her primary focus being and always being protecting and advocating for the image of black women. She's also a very savvy business woman recently when asked about marriage and relationship. She says what comes to mind is that black women have become very focused on our self-care and wellness. And doing so we have

52:49really focused on making changes that the patriarchal society that we live in doesn't support yet. So typically we are ahead of the curve and this demonstrates that. There is a revolution amongst black women and our independence. We have done the work but there seems to be a constant imbalance between us and what our partners are expecting of us. She continued, we live in a world that has made actual efforts toward dismantling the black family. We are in a society that consistently undervalues us. We are constantly in a political fight that gets in the way of our romantic togetherness. I believe that our power dynamics within relationships are less about whether we are getting paid equally or doing more work. It goes deeper historically. What I loved about this is that the pressure that on black women to get married on women in general to get married, I think for her to kind of give voice to this idea of self-care was really important. I guess black women are getting married later in life and the divorce rates are shrinking as a result

53:56of it. So I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that that self-care is super important in her taking the time to really have that self-care and if that if she feels like that tendency is true and it is true about other black women then I think that that's amazing. So I made her a hell-married because self-care is important. All right and I do think that I think women in general have this idea of taking care of their world. I think black women especially in western cultures I've never lived anywhere else have been kind of the head of taking care of other people's families and babies and our families and our babies and not ourselves and so I love this idea. Nancy SkiTor says awesome black queen representing and promoting to me. Cajon says I love seals. Terence says come on self-care. I'm your Highness I love me. Some Amanda. Amanda seals that's my girl. She's no nonsense. Jenny Jones says I want you to host your conference on crowdcasts. Okay all right. All right thank you for that. All right I'm gonna put that down. She said I don't work for them neither. All right I'm gonna jot that down. Jasmine says oh she's top mouse on us. All right so

55:03listen that's hell-married for her. My next hell-married is for uh Shonda Rhymes. How many of you all sat up there and watched Bridgerton back to back? This is a safe space be honest. Did you all watch Bridgerton? On Wednesday January 27th Netflix announced that Shonda Rhymes latest project Bridgerton became the streaming services biggest series over on Netflix Vanity Fair reported Netflix stated that 82 million households around the world chose to watch Bridgerton in its first 28 days. Those figures were based on subscribers who watched at least two minutes of a piece of content in amount of time Netflix determined to be long enough to indicate the choice was intentional. So when speaking about this though she where's the quote? Oh she talked about her leaving ABC and when she talked about leaving ABC over the Disney Pass which if you haven't heard that story

56:05a part of her bonus package for ABC was that she wanted an extra Disneyland pass and the one she got and they told her like haven't you had enough and she basically was like I'm gonna show you I've had enough okay and she went on to do big things in Netflix with Bridgerton. How about that? Ronnie says I just finished Bridgerton. She said watch this season twice. Dana Coles says I still haven't watched it but I love her. T says I didn't too much hype LOL just just Michelle says I watched Bridgerton. Erica says Shirley did binge. Sure else says I didn't but that series is all down my face. People were talking about it and I'm not really into like the crown and all of those things. So I turned on one episode when I was taking my hair down and I see why the saints were enjoying it. The saints are having a a conibction over the duke. Essent Hanes says I did the duke is Bay LaToya says I'm about time I'm about time watching it. She's about to watch it maybe Tavis is she she did she made with Netflix

57:09was her story. Come on and we love to see it pretty high and says I love Bridgerton and Rose Jackson says I love the ground. I haven't watched those but I heard they're amazing. All right so the next time Mary is Dr. Shirley Weber makes his history as the first black secretary of state in California. Dr. Shirley Weber was sworn in as California's new secretary of state. Weber making history as the state's first black secretary of state political reports. Weber is a San Diego Democrat and former professor of Africana studies at San Diego State University. She says I'm Blackity Black Black Black where she starts for more than four decades. During that time she spearheaded the push for low income students of color to have opportunities in the legislature. She introducing a bill that passed last October that clears the path for reparations in California. Come on somebody. We love to see it. Okay Jayden Coles says come on.

58:11All right. Taylor says come on doctor. Crystal Burgess is giving you a hand clap and so is Ruthie Monty says we love to see it. You know what else we love to see? Dinner on the dinner table and man I got four ads this podcast and you're going to get every last one of them. This is number two. Don't you love to see dinner on the dinner table? First of all dinner is delicious. Food is nutritious. It tastes amazing and it tastes delicious and nutritious. I told you I had them bars. Now it's time for us to talk about hello fresh. Don't refresh. It's coming at you. Don't go next. Here we go. Undercover gives coming up under coming over the covers. Any who listen? All right. So hello fresh. I've told you once. I've told you twice. I think I'm about to tell you thrice. Hello fresh is where the money resides. Do you hear what I'm saying? It is delicious unto me and that is why hello fresh continues to be one of our sponsors because they prove to me that

59:16they can put some meals together that what have you out here thinking that you are a real actual chef. Kids be asking what's for dinner. Be ready to hear a baked chicken ready to hear spaghetti and I'm like, Nobbra, we have a maple glaze, crusted chicken breast with roasted carrots and sprayed potatoes. I made it the sprayed part. The point is this if you're tired of cooking the same thing over and over again, I want you to get on this hello fresh discount so that you can start spicing things up in the kitchen. Hello fresh is America's number one meal kit. Hello fresh cuts out stressful meal planning and grocery store trips so you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in about 30 minutes or less. Hello fresh offers 23 plus recipes each week featuring a range of flavors, cuisines and ingredients so you'll never get bored. Hello fresh offers the flexibility you need with customizable orders every week. You can easily change your delivery days

1:00:18or food preferences and skip a week whenever you need. So here it is. Here's when you get excited. Okay, because you know what we're doing, we're giving away 10 free meals including free shipping. Go to hello fresh.com slash woman evolved 10 and use code woman evolved 10 for 10 free meals including free shipping. Again, that is hello fresh.com slash woman evolved 10 and use code woman evolved 10 for 10 free meals including free shipping. Okay, I told you all. Because I understand, do you really cook this? I cook all of the time like 24. That first of all, you're never going to believe this and I'm not saying that this is what every woman should do. I'm going to say this is what I do in my house. I make my husband breakfast every morning every single morning. Every single morning I make him breakfast and then I cook for my family of a thousand about five times a week.

1:01:19Six, shot six, six. I cook every night like I already know when I'm cooking tonight. And I do that because ordering out for a thousand people is expensive and it's not always that good. And so I would rather us have a good meal. So I love honestly, I really do love hello fresh because it helps me to kind of get out of my routine. Clearset says I love hello fresh. I'm already a customer. Can I still get 10 free meals? You probably can. What you should probably do is usually one of them emails that you got for one of your random things and get them 10. Get your 10 situations. Okay. So I just said, I bet you can cook. I enjoy cooking. He says I haven't cooked them five years and that's your prerogative. I'm not out here trying to tell anybody that what I do is what they should do because you know where I belong. My injury business ministries. So I'm not even out here

1:02:24trying to tell you but I'm just telling you what I do. Okay. Shanty says who are these a thousand people? It just feels like a thousand. Shinesh. Shinesh usually has dinner over here maybe three or four times a week. Okay. And then there are six children and my husband. They all everybody lives at home depending on if someone's boyfriend is over who quarantines at his house but it keeps it safe. We just have people in and out of our house and y'all's recipes that be calling for four people. I have to double that. And that's when it starts feeling like a restaurant and not just like something I do for fun. But I still enjoy it. It makes me very happy. All right. Um. So as you said, as you are, can you get a tab with the brown edition in the kitchen episode? That would be lit. We love auntie tap. I'm a work on it. Malisha does what's the code again? I was putting dishes away. The code is woman evolved 10. That's 10 free meals. You can do it right now. Okay. God's grace 45 says I cook every day breakfast lunch

1:03:26and dinner. I don't you you have to miss me on lunch. You have to make a way out of no way on lunch. But I got you. Um, I got you. So I have one more Hail Mary. And then we can move to that last question. So a nine year old CEO is on a mission to inspire black girls everywhere to love their hair. Zoe Oli is the owner of beautiful Curly Me. A company she started with her mom, Ivana, to empower young black girls to love their hair. When Zoe was six years old, she came home asking her mom why her hair wasn't straight and pretty like the other girls in her class. That's when the two decided they would begin researching to find dolls whose hair reflected Zoe's when they couldn't find any dolls with braids and curls. Beautiful Curly Me was born. We need to support sis. These dolls are gorgeous. And if you are a mom of a child that's got Curly, Coily,

1:04:31Kinky hair, then representation is super important. They have dolls that have braids on them. They have dolls that have straight up froze and they're actually very, very adorable. I totally relate to this idea that raising an 11 year old and a four year old, you know, when my daughter was 11, I knew very little about my hair or her hair. And so she was my first girl struggle bus. We learned together, we broke off together, come on somebody, edges came back together, but with my four year old, I knew so much more. And she loves her natural hair. Like she told me like when I get my hair done, can I just have it in an afro like she loves her hair. So that's that's super important. Oh, this is pin the site edge. They are. Sha, can you type it in there? I can't type it. Maybe you could put it on the screen. The website is beautifulcurlyme.com. We're going to see if we can put it on the page so that you all can support her.

1:05:31Megan says, yes, my god, mom, just ordered one for my daughter. That is great. Natasha says, I love this so much plan to get my daughter's one of these dolls. So important. Naja cana says, yes, my four year old daughter asked me to straighten her hair. And I didn't know what to say. It be like that, especially when your depiction of beauty never has anyone, anyone's hair who looks like yours. And you know, I think that we've come a long ways, especially since I was a little girl, you should be nothing but white baby dolls. And I'm not saying that it's 50, 50 right now, but I do feel like there is more equality than there probably has ever been. So that is definitely dope. We put the website on the screen. And it's also in the chat. So yes, a beautiful curly mean. Check that out. Daniel King says, her dolls can help me follow up with my hair. I need to practice because I'm so impatient. Can we talk about it? I listen. The one way that I have learned to grow and take care of my hair is basically by not touching and touching it. And most of the natural hair care bloggers basically say protective styles, keeping your hair more

1:06:37moisturized is how you retain your hair length. That is less about my hair won't grow. And more about retaining the length that I do have. And so I've had to learn to do that. And like I got goals, like I want to get myself a silk press and toss it around. But I also don't want to break it off. I am so proud of the length of my hair right now that I don't want to do anything to mess it up. So braiding it down like deep conditioning it trimming it, braiding it down and putting my wig on is the thing that has like made my hair. The health is that it's probably ever been. But you want to talk about trauma, the trauma of natural hair and learning to love yourself and learning to love your hair. Be a struggle out here. Okay. That's why you got to come to a place where you want to talk about accepting confidence. We're working on hey you for February and hey you for February is obviously about acceptance. And like we're talking accepting truth, accepting confidence, accepting love and accepting joy. But that acceptance part is so, so hard, especially when it comes

1:07:38to who you are and how you show up in the world. Acceptance that is defined as consent to receive. And I love that word because for me acceptance translates like it's out there, but I have to sign for it. And so I'm learning to sign for my confidence. I'm learning to sign up to receive the truth. I'm learning to sign up for love and sign up for joy. And I can't wait to talk about it more for a hey you, but that's super, super dope. We've got some advice questions that I think are going to be super, super, super good for you guys to chime in on the first one says dear woman evolve please help me. I have a nine month old son who is so precious in every way. His father and I separated August 2020. Since then I have made several attempts to keep his father in his life as he grows in his milestones. I want so badly for my son to have a relationship with his father. I am doing all that I can to make this possible. I reach out to my son's father constantly

1:08:42in regards to our son. My son's father doesn't try to communicate with me about our son. I have no problem communicating, but I do not get this same in return. As mother and father I believe there should be two way communication. It has been four weeks and I have not heard from my son's father and he is not reached out by text or call to ask about our son. This really hurts and I want my son to have his father, but he makes no attempt to be in his life. I want so badly to co-parent but I'm the only one trying. In the past I've made attempts to have this conversation with his father, but no difference has been made. I feel like I am at a loss. Please help. I want my son to be loved without force. Pray for me please. So when it comes to the relationship dynamics of co-parenting, it can be super, super delicate because when we're no longer with a person, we still want to offer that child the best possible environment. And yet the reality is that in order to create an

1:09:46environment for our child, we have to welcome in an environment that we don't have control over. Sometimes that environment can be unhealthy. Sometimes that environment can just be different than what we're used to and yet that is still a part of our child's environment. In this particular case, my suggestion is to remind yourself that co-parenting is something that each person has to be willing to do. If you're forcing your partner, your co-parent partner to co-parent, then you are parenting him, not partnering him. It's almost as if you're telling him what he should do, but you're not as parent. You're just his partner in co-parenting, which means what you can do is to bring up your child in an environment and in a consciousness that prepares him for the waves and ups and downs that may be his relationship with his father. That doesn't mean that your bad mountain, Kim. It just means that when the dad does come around, you're preparing him to have the proper expectation so that

1:10:48he's not necessarily feeling like he's being rejected or that he's less than or not worthy because of his father's role. Saying things like, I know that your dad really loves you. He just has a different way of showing it than I do. I'm not sure where he is this weekend, but let's let's do something differently. Giving that child space to talk about it. How did you feel? I can understand how that would be hurtful, but I promise you that you will have mommy here and we can continue to work together. You are the only person in control of the environment that you create for your child as it relates to what you create. And in time, as your child gets older, the father is going to have to show up and perhaps answer some tough questions or perhaps not have the relationship that he thinks that he should have because he didn't put the time in. But you cannot force someone to be a parent who doesn't want to be a parent. No matter how much you want it for your child unless that person wants it for the child to, then you're going to be forcing him to fit into a role that he doesn't want to fit in. You've got to let him show up or

1:11:51not show up in whatever way he chooses. And you have to prepare your child for that because that's going to be a part of his reality. As much as I would love for us to have these white picket fences with no broken home, the best thing we can do for our children is to teach them about the world that they're going to live in and not to shield them in such a way from a reality that we don't prepare them for what real life is going to be like. And real life people are going to disappoint you. And real life people are going to fail to meet the expectation you have in mind. And real life people are broken. And real life people don't know how to show up the way that they should show up or the way that we want them to show up. And so how do we continue to keep our heart pure? How do we continue to tap into the joy that is available to us and to not allow our identity to be rooted just on one person's absence or present? That is real life work that even at four years old, you can begin to navigate with your child. But my suggestion would be to stop trying to make him be a parent, stop trying to parent him into parenting. And instead, let him be

1:12:56free to engage in whatever way that he can while preparing your child for what he can expect in that way. That's my suggestion for my experience. But I want to see what the delegation says. Cherelle says, my mother forced my father and it only pushed him away. And my father never showed up like he was supposed to. God sent my Godfather to be the male role model. I needed a daddy to me. Vinnie says, my mom has allowed my dad to do what he does, didn't parent him. That man left no, that left to get milk years ago. He comes around when he wants and I've learned to be okay with it because my mom had to be both parents. And it says, I agree, as they are, I agree. You can't force it. Monique says, leave it alone. That's what I did and gave it to his, it's his loss. And hopefully, he'll come around. Mine's dead when I stop trying. Katar says, this is a whole word. Jayna Cals says, exactly, you shouldn't have to tell a grown man to be in their child's life. You shouldn't. And I know that it's coming from a good place because you want to protect your child.

1:13:58But at the end of the day, you're going to stress yourself out trying to parent a grown man. And you're going to miss out on the opportunity to parent your child. He's your only focus right now. And because he's your only focus, we have to determine maybe you're spending so much energy trying to parent your partner that you don't see how his father's accent is showing up in his own emotional state channel. That energy to something else, help him to understand the uncles that may be around, the teachers that may be around. There's probably books and things like this that you can begin to kind of expose him to so that he can get ready to deal with the unpredictability that will be his father's presence at least for now. God's warrior name, they says, I gave him, I gave him the child's support and never looked back. And the key is, yeah, you can't force it. My mom didn't and my dad showed up as best as he could. And to, I mean, that's a part of preparing is like the most important part of preparing your child to be in a relationship with a father that

1:15:00has maybe or not just a father or mother that has erratic presence is to teach them that with the emotional, mental and past support that they have that that is their best. That is what they have to offer. I don't think that there are good fathers choosing to not be good fathers. I think that there are men who don't know how to be good fathers and whose uncertainty shows up in how they parent their children. But to be a good father who sees that responsibility properly and wants to steward it well, if that is who you are, then no one has to force you to do it. So the idea that they're like doing it on purpose to hurt you like they're withholding something they do have is kind of flawed thinking and it makes us feel wounded. The healthier and more difficult perspective to come to is to come to a place where we recognize that this is all they have. And if this is all

1:16:01they have, what boundaries, what mindsets, what paradigms do I need to have to protect myself from their best. But I think there is something to see and get as their best and not as something that they're doing on purpose. People can understand the consequences of their actions and still not be able to change their actions. You know, like I can understand the consequences, but you're still asking me to do something that I cannot possibly do. I mean, we know that on a human level when it comes to eating what we want or what we should not. Like we know the consequences of that, but it's difficult to stop. Imagine that coming with parenting, the pressures and responsibility of parenting. And I know the consequences may be that you're hurt without me. But what if in that person's mind they're thinking you could be even more hurt if I show up and mess it up or I cannot handle the judgment and pressure of getting it wrong. So I stay away. Like there are all types of

1:17:05reasons why people aren't in other people's lives. And I my goal isn't to make excuses as much as it is to offer perspective because as a single mother who's going to have to erase your children, I think it's important that you have language that helps the child to see the person as a person and not an icon or a figure or someone who was without flaws and should be able to show up without jacking things up because the truth is sometimes if the parent did show up, you would be more wounded than if they stay away. But all of that is perspective. I hope that made sense. Shurel says, God, protecting your son so your child's father won't expose him to toxic things. Vanessa says you are spot on Sarah. Ashley says the child can see the absence but not fully feel the blow of the absence if you're intentional about creating an atmosphere for him that he is ignorant to what he can be lacking. For sure. You know, I think to add to that and then I'll move on to the next question. Culture school life is going to make him feel like he's at a deficit. And so your goal before

1:18:13he's even exposed to what could be a deficit is to help him see that everyone has a different meaning to family. Everyone's life is different but at the end of the day, we all have the same shot at being whole. It is our choices that make them that make the difference. And right now, you're that may have not made the choice to be here, but that doesn't have anything to do with the choices that you can make with your time, your character, your integrity. And teaching him early on what it means to take what it means to take care of his toys to take care of his rooms. It's yours. So you've got to take care of it. You ask for this. So you've got to take care of it. Those are the small things that we can do even at four that teaches them responsibility and integrity and character that subconsciously says to them, if you do this, you have to take care of it. And those are just little things that you can do to maybe to break that curse. He says, coming to terms with the fact that it was their best, it's hard, but it's the fact, especially when they have multiple children. My dad had seven of us in different cities. Karen

1:19:16says, that's true. My daughter's father choosing to not be in her life. I believe was a better decision. She is thriving. Great without him. I think he would have constantly disappointed her. Okay. All right. Next question. Um, hi, Sarah. I listened to your podcast faithfully and also all of your sermons and PT sermons. I pray this gets to you. And I'll try to keep it short. First, I would like to admit that I am broken. And I believe it stems from sexual abuse by two family members. I haven't told my mom about it. And I have been holding onto this heavy secret for years. It started when I was nine. I'm now 31. But I did let her know when I do see her. She lives in UK that I have something to tell. I had a dream about it. And it was weighing heavily on my heart to tell her. My dad wasn't much of a father figure as I would have expected him to be. The men that I've dealt with filled my voids of loneliness because that's what I knew at that time.

1:20:18One of them being married where I am now in life. I feel empty, lost and definitely confused. I recently decided to walk away from a situation. I should have never put myself in. I was even at the moment. He was in a relationship with two kids and had a third. I knew and still decided to play with the devil. I had a long talk with myself and decided to walk away. I was in my feelings and I felt drained. I never should have let it gotten that far. Let alone went down that road with him. I was emotionally attached because the flesh was so lustful. I still think about those moments and I pray for healing every day. I pray my mind is renewed. But sometimes I feel God has turned away from me. Please Sarah in the delegation help me. If you said that you felt like you were even at that moment, then I want you to listen to Hey, you messy addition from January because even when Eve was evening, God got down in that mess with her. He said, what's happening here? Who told you to eat from that fruit? Here are the

1:21:23consequences. But this is how you can recover. We cannot penalize ourselves for the moments where we were like Eve in the garden, in an atmosphere, in an environment where we knew better, but didn't do better and think to ourselves that just because I lost access to the garden doesn't mean I lost access to God. I feel like preaching. All right. But you can make a decision and there can be consequences from that decision that require that you lose access to certain things. Not God, maybe you lose access to a certain person, maybe you lose access to a certain feeling or emotion that felt soothing for the time that you were in. Maybe you lose access to that. But at the end of the day, you don't lose access to God. And what God shows you how to do what his spirit leads you into doing is how to receive what you were getting from the garden, but in a new, even healthier way than you were receiving it before. I just want you to know you haven't lost access to God. God

1:22:25hasn't turned his back on you, but maybe you've turned your back on God. Maybe you feel so much shame. Maybe you feel so much remorse. Maybe you feel so much regret that it's hard for you to even turn and look at God. But I want you to know that God is literally wherever you are. It is just coming to a place where you awaken yourself to the awareness of God's love, no matter where you are. When we talk about accepting confidence, that confidence is not in what we can do or how well we behave. That confidence is knowing that we are loved by a Savior who literally would get on the cross and die for us so that we would have another chance to do it right. It doesn't mean that we just do whatever we want to. It means we have another chance to do it right. And even in our best intentions, when we end up doing it wrong, guess what? There's another chance to do it right. Until now, in the day you go home to be with Jesus, there's another chance to do it right. And I

1:23:27just think it's important for you to know that God hasn't turned his back on you. Maybe you've turned your back on him and who could blame you. I've been there myself where I felt like God don't want to have none to do with me because I barely want anything to do with myself. But just because you don't want anything to do with you doesn't mean God doesn't want something to do with you. The hardest person it is to tell our story to is ourself. So I want to thank you for sharing your story with me even anonymously. I want you to know that even in reciting that story that you begin to look at yourself. And when you look at yourself, I dare you to not look at yourself with shame, to not look at yourself with regret, but to look at yourself through the eyes of love. To recognize that a girl who was sexually abused, who was abandoned, who was rejected, has been looking for love. She's been looking for love so much that she didn't care if she got pieces of it from someone else's husband or pieces of it from someone else's man. And now it's

1:24:32time for you to love that girl to wholeness, to say, I love you, but you don't have to eat from this bin, from this pigstight anymore. I love you, but you don't have to accept this garbage. I love you little girl. So let me wash your face. Let me brush your hair. And let me show you how to show up in the world, in spite of what you've gone through. Love that girl. Don't demonize her. Don't tear her down. Love her. Embrace her. And show her that it's time to grow up now. That it's time to get therapy. That it's time to get help. That it's time to start making healthy decisions. Just because someone victimized you doesn't mean you have to stay a victim. But just like a gunshot wound victim or someone else who's been stabbed in a physical way, if you're no longer going to be a victim, you're going to have to get the help and tools to help you heal. I believe this is just the beginning. And that from this place, you'll be able to really embark on a journey of healing. But see yourself

1:25:36as a little girl, a nine-year-old girl who's looking for someone to tell her that she's loved, that she's cared for, and that she's protected. And then you allow God, the Holy Spirit, to work through you and save those words to that little girl. And bring her to the place where the 31-year-old woman is now. Delegation? What say ye? Michelle says, thank you, Jesus. Ariel says, it's time to start making healthy decisions. Yes, end of an era. You got to watch that message on YouTube, end of an era. I hope it was good. Venetia says, who I feel like crying, rain says, yes, healing her inner, healing her inner child will be vital. Start there. There is a part of you that is nine years old. You're nine years old because life's changed for you at nine years old and at nine years old,

1:26:39life knew that it was wrong. And you knew that it was wrong. But you kept growing physically, but you never got to figure out how do I process what just happened to me. That's the same thing, totally different circumstance. I wasn't sexually abused, but at 13 years old, I knew something had gone wrong. And I kept growing, but I never did the work to figure out what had went wrong. How did I end up here? What are these feelings? It was so overwhelming, but I was looking just like you for someone to tell me, fix me, heal me, make me feel better, make me feel good. And it wasn't until I started looking at myself where I said, this is who you are. And not with shame, but with like, can you love her? If this is who you are and nothing ever changes, can you find a way to love yourself? If you're the nine year old girl who got sexually abused, if you're the 13 year old girl who got pregnant, can you find a way to love her? Can you find a way to love that part of

1:27:41you that was addicted, that part of you that went to prison? This is who you are. We're not talking about make believe, we're talking about this is who you are. And my question for you is, can you find a way to love her? And you cannot love the person you will not look at. And sometimes the person we need to see more than anything is ourselves. And so when we start praying, God, can you show me who I am? It's God, can you show me how to look at me through love and not through pain and not through regret and not through hurt and not through brokenness and not through trauma? Can you show me how to look at me through love? And to worship from that place and pray from that place and speak from that place because I can tell you, God has not changed his mind about you. No more than he changed his mind about Eve. Eve messed up in the garden and God was like, all right, bit. I'm a movie from the garden. I'm going to put the serpent on his belly. You are going to have some consequences, but at the end of the day, I'm going to make sure there is a way for you to come out of this brokenness that you are in. If you would just trust my word. And so cis, I'm asking you,

1:28:46can you trust God when he says, I love you. Can you trust God when he says, I can restore you. Can you trust God when he says, I am your redeemer? Can you trust God when he says that you are worth dying for so that the best version of you can live? Can you trust God? And that is our Mary had a little lamb. Now, Zola says, I recall I had to go on fasting to walk away from that little girl who was hurting and views as well. Need to let that little girl go so you can be 31, clothed in strength and honor. God is waiting on you to come into real love and to see who he's called you to be. See who you are through God's eyes. You'll be whole and healed by it. This actually makes me happy that one of our sponsors is better help because in talking about counseling and therapy and looking at that little girl, I cannot think of a better opportunity to talk about therapy. And I don't even have to transition into this one

1:29:47because we all know how powerful therapy is having a safe space to rehearse our narrative, to look for the flaws in our narrative and to grow into a healthier narrative is exactly what better help is there to do. And so if you're finding that there's something that's interfering with your happiness, that's interfering with your peace, you can start communicating in under 24 hours. That means you can get help immediately. Maybe you don't want to look someone face to face, but you do want to have a moment where you can just spill your guts without judgment. Maybe you're wondering, do I tell my mom? Do I tell my dad? Do I tell anyone what happened to me? Let's start first with telling a therapist. Better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they can make it easy and free to change and they also make it easy and free to change counselors if needed. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available, which means you have no choice. I don't even want to hear because you'll be saying no to therapy and therapy is expensive. Like you already know how much it costs

1:30:47and you haven't even done the work. And this just takes that excuse away because it's his financial aid is available. In fact, so many people have been using better help that they are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. So licensed professional counselors who are special, who specialize in depression, stress, anxiety, relationships, trauma, which is what we just got finished talking about family conflict, self-esteem and grief. I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com slash evolve. Join over one million people taking charge of their mental health again. That's betterhelp.com slash evolve. K-Larens says, do they take Medicaid? I'm not sure about that, but you can download the app and it'll tell you everything that you need to know about that. Okay, thanks. I have one more snack for you. I got you. Okay, so,

1:31:52child accepting confidence. I feel like I'm already gave a snack, but okay, so our word of the week and what we're focusing on accepting is confidence. I wrote some notes down. I want to pull them up because I feel like it's super pivotal to where we are. Okay, so when it comes to accepting confidence, as I kind of mentioned, like I said, it kind of bled over into my snack a little bit into the response to that question, I've been thinking a lot about this, and this idea that confidence is readily available to us, it's just, will we give our self's permission to receive it? In little things like, in body positivity, it's like, I'll be confident in my body when I lose x amount of weight, but the reality is that like there are people who are your size or bigger who have said, I'm confident in the body that I am in right now, which means there is the ability to have confidence, but there is a mental barrier that keeps us from laying hold of

1:32:54how else does that show up? I'll tell you this morning, I woke up, I was rested, I was excited, I felt like today is a good day, I got to spend some morning time with my husband and usually like, I make his breakfast, I go and run on the treadmill, we kind of go our separate ways in the house, but this morning we got to connect a little bit, and there was a part of me that was cautiously optimistic because I didn't want to feel confident that the day was going good and not be braced for if it took a turn, and I realized that I spent so much of my life being cautiously optimistic, where I didn't want to trust the good things, and I didn't want to trust that things would stay steady, and in the process of doing that, I lost the opportunity to be confident in the good things, and confident about what is taking place that is going well, and so my challenge to you is to be present in your life, to not walk around cautiously optimistic waiting on the next shoe to drop,

1:33:57but when you have pockets of peace, when you have pockets of joy, when you have pockets of presence to really dig into those, to breathe those in, because your soul will know it will become confident that this too shall pass. How else can we come to a place where we are confident that this too shall pass, unless we have seen it pass before. When you have had trauma or disappointment after disappointment, it teaches you to live life guarded, and the only problem with living life guarded is that we miss the opportunity to let the good things in, to let the incredible things rest in our spirit, and so yes, whatever you are going through shall pass, and yes, you are going to get over it, but the truth is also that I want you to breathe in those great moments, because your confidence is going to be in the consistency of God, your confidence is going to be in the faith oneness of God, and you will be able to look at whatever season you're in with the confidence that I'm going to get through this, because you know without a shadow of a doubt that you've gone

1:35:01through, that you've gotten through it before. So no more living life cautiously optimistic, instead be present, okay? Because Sandra says be present in your life, wow, Jasmine says why I needed this. I have to tell you, I'm going to tell you this story real fast, we had Ella's like we had many miles you know come by and do a little dance with Ella, and then we decided we would all get in the pool, and that would just kind of be Ella's thing. Well my husband and Kinsey went to the store to get one thing, and they came back with this inflatable bull, okay? This like inflatable bull riding thing that you're supposed to like hop on y'all, it's a mess. We're on folks hopping on an inflatable bull to see if you can stay on top of it, and then other people coming, they shake on it. Everyone in the family has gotten on it, and it was time for me to get on it, and I'm like you know what, sister's hanging on to this 185, but sister's not trying to hop on this bull. First of all, I have to tell you not the most

1:36:03flattering sight seeing people hop on this bull. Things are jiggling, they're shaking, you cannot suck it in, and you're trying to keep from tipping over, I can't keep my stomach sucked in and hop on the inflatable bull, and then the kids were like, please mom, please mom, please mom, then I started realizing that I was going to scar them for life if I didn't get on the inflatable bull, but I did not want to scar them for life by getting on the inflatable bull. Your girl gets on the bull, and I stayed on that bull just so you know, if any was wondering how it went, I managed to stay up. And then the process of staying up, I had a really good time, and we all went on and you know like, I don't, are they judging my body, are things jiggling, the cellulitis happening, like what is going on? I wasn't worried about any of those things because I was having a good time and I was thinking to myself, how often do we hide or shrink because we want to have a false sense of security instead of being confident in the skin that we're in. And you know, that was a nice little lesson for me because I would have missed out on having a good time by trying to protect what I consider the

1:37:08fragility of my confidence instead of confidence being, this is who I am, this is what I got, and there it is. All right. Tittings says, does sound fun girl, you got to let it out sometimes. I, yes, I didn't, okay, exo exo, she said, you had to do it for the one time, not only did I do it for the one time, you know, you know, I did what needed to be done. I stayed up there. All right. So yes, that is my snack for on today. And can I tell you something, this is something that I feel like is a full circle moment. If you saw the message, what was the name of my message that I just preached where I showed the note in the car, the note that I wrote in the car, yeah, I wrote it to my mom, I was like 12 or 14 weeks pregnant. I shared this note. I don't know if you guys heard this

1:38:12message. It's on YouTube. It's the stone cold. Stone cold is the name of it. So I talked about listening to Kirk Franklin and feeling the presence of God so strong and how I couldn't wait for the time when I could tap into that for my own for myself. And like again, I was 13 years old, 12 or 14 weeks into my pregnancy. And so it is with that introduction that I am glad to say that Kirk Franklin has a podcast coming out full circle is that I went from trying to tap into the presence to talking about Kirk Franklin on my podcast that God built with the anointing keep put on my life. And now I get to push someone who helped me tap into the presence of God. Kirk Franklin has a podcast coming out. It's called Good Words with Kirk Franklin and it welcomes people from every cross section of life seeking inspiration and empowerment through intimate conversations exploring faith redemption and the realities of today's world.

1:39:14Kirk invites us to see ourselves in the shared moments between him and his guests. The show provides a fun and energetic outlet to lift people up and share trials and tribulations. Okay, guests includes Chance The Rapper for Rail, her H-E-R, Kelly Rowland and Glenn Endoyle, so many more as special guests are going to be sliding through new episodes every Tuesday. I want you to listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Again, it is called Good Words with Kirk Franklin and you do not want to miss it. Okay, I love y'all. I will see you next week. I am so sorry about all the technical difficulties but we be on it the best way we can. Okay, God, in your presence as the confidence, the strength, the focus and the strategy we need in order to become all that we were meant to be on this earth. So help us to shed the skin of who

1:40:16we were, who we used to be, and to even shed the skin of who we want to be until we are down to nothing but what you place on us. And when you place it on us, we will be confident in that. We will be confident because we know who sent us, who covered us, and who breathed his breath so that we could perform whatever is ahead of us. God, I thank you that you are healing trauma, that you are healing wounds, that you are showing us how to love ourselves even in the midst of our brokenness. Father, I pray for every person listening that they would come into the awareness of your love, of your grace, of your ability to make all things new. We turn ourselves over to you. It's Monday. It's Wednesday. It is whenever we're listening to this podcast and we still need you. So we receive you. In Jesus' name. I love y'all.