Scott’s Early Career Advice, How Dating Apps Are Making You Lonelier, and Navigating Conflict With Business Partners

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show where we answer your questions about business big tech entrepreneurship and

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first question comes from Rachel Sarecki on LinkedIn Rachel says I'm an

upcoming college graduate what would you do differently when you first started

your career any advice from navigating early career life huh what your first

job most likely will be is something you hate and that is young kind of our

first time jobs are usually shitty jobs usually doing all the work that people

who have some power don't want to do so if you find yourself if you wake up and

think wow I don't love this that's probably where you should be what do you

want in your first job you want a place you're gonna learn not only skills but

learn what you like and don't like one of the biggest blessings I greatest

things I got from Morgan Stanley was wanting attention to detail it was an

incredibly abusive environment and I don't I mean I quite frankly think that

was good for me kind of toughen me up a lot of guardrails you had to show up in

a tie you had to be well prepared I would reprospect this is backwards to try

and find the difference if I'd said base rental payments apostrophe S or S

apostrophe and then go back through the document this is before AI and it was

incredibly taxing and stressful but I kind of needed a swift kick in the ass

and also the brand itself in the platform I think obviously helped me for the

rest of my life and help me get into business school and I was around really

talented people so what do you want to do in your first job you want to find a

place where you can learn ideally a good platform or brand I think the office is

a feature not a bug I would really really work advising against taking doing

remote work when you're young you need to find friends mentors and mates one

of three relationships begins at work and HR people hate that but show me an

HR person who's putting in all these strict policies around dating I'll show

you someone who you know found his wife at work so get into the office try and

get to a good platform if you're working you're trying to go somewhere that'll

let you run flat out one of the things I did and this sounds strange and you

can do this now or they wouldn't let you I was I wasn't a skilled as the other

87 analysts in the class of 89 at Morgan Stanley they all went to Ivy

leagues they were better educated than me not because you see I wasn't a great

education because I see above 2.27 I didn't really do much so I thought okay

what is my advantage I don't have a girlfriend I don't have dogs I'm living in

home I didn't even have a lot of friends at that point because most of my

friends had scattered every Tuesday morning I'd go in at 9 a.m. and I would

stay till 6 p.m. the following Wednesday because I wanted to send a signal

that I was here to play and unfortunately Morgan Stanley was the kind of

abusive behavior where they where they sort of rewarded that I think they

used to give us a clean white shirt the next morning at the end of the year

they line up all the analysts and count how many white shirts or how many of them

pulled on nighters but it was important for me I was what I'll call despite

having shitty grades I was physically strong I wrote crews so I felt like I I

knew how to push my limits so what do I what I did that was smart I got into a

good platform I worked my ass off I was very focused on work I took down the

alcohol and the pot intake for a couple years and I just sort wanted to

show that I was here to here to play because the sad truth to your career is

that people say we enjoy your 20s and have fun anyone who tells you to do that

is already fucking rich unfortunately in a capitalist society your 20s sort

of dictate your trajectory into your 30s and 40s and your your ability to kind

of get to the right positions in your 30s and 40s to really then aggregate

influence and economic security are somewhat a function of the trajectory or

the scale of the velocity you establish in your 20s they metaphor I would

use as a projectile or a rock getting into space and that is the majority of

the fuel expectorated in a launch vehicle you know whether it's a Falcon Heavy

rocket or Saturn rockets or whatever it's in the first few miles the lower

orbit is soupy it is really hard to get traction right out of school so you

want to burn a lot of fuel what does that mean you want to work really fucking

hard you want to try really hard you want to invest in relationships be

seen as a good ally do shit work have a great attitude just be curious you know

just trying to be the most pleasant hardworking version of yourself if you

will right out of school the other thing I would suggest is that you do you

try and find mentors ask people out for coffee develop a kitchen cabinet of

people advise you when you ask people for help and they say yes they become

emotionally invested in your success the most loyal or patriotic Americans are

veterans why because they've invested so much in America and my first boss this

guy Carter coordinator I used to constantly been his office asking for advice

and he started taking me to UCLA basketball games and he took a shine to me I

think he made me one of the few reasons I wasn't fired I was not very good at

that job and but he really liked me and was invested in my success wrote my

letters of rec and I really invested in the in the relationship if you will so

this is a time to work your ass off find a platform where ideally it's a good

brand where you're going to learn a lot absolutely get into the office trying

invest in relationships and also just realize it's a super atmosphere and you're

going to burn a lot of fuel you need to try really hard and work really hard and

also forgive yourself if you don't like what you're doing that's a gift I

figured out almost right away I was not cut out to be an investment banker and

that's a gift to because I realized what I didn't want to do but that's

fine your 20s is for workshoping not only finding what you like to do but

what you don't like to do now at having said that give everything at least two

or three years try really hard show up beyond time and the objective in your

20s is not to find your passion it's to find something you could be good

slash great at and so every job you're in think okay could I be in the top 10

percent of whatever it is I'm doing within say five years and could I be in

the top 1% in a decade because if you're in the top 10% of something you're

going to make a really good living at it and if you're in the top 1% you're

going to get prestige relevance camaraderie that will make you passionate about

whatever that thing is so that's my advice but I think the key thing is invest a

ton of relationships early work hard be nice be supportive of your peers I was

too fucking competitive and too jealous of my peers so I'm sure should have

invested more in their success and tried to establish stronger relationships and

also recognize if you don't love your job and it's hard that's exactly where

you should be and you know realize it it's just as much about figuring out

what you don't want to do is what you want to do oh my god that was a word

salad thanks for the question question number two comes from pour me a

jarber on reddit they ask hi Scott you've been one of the clearest voices

calling out the damage social media platforms have done to society especially

young people but I haven't heard the same level of criticism toward dating

apps it seems these platforms have had an equally corrosive impact on

expectations of the opposite sex and how money and status gets signaled through

a screen do you think dating apps have been just as reckless and contributing to

loneliness and social withdrawal should they be included in the same

resist and unsubscribed category and if not why do they get a pass super

interesting question all right so just some data about a third of us adults say

they've used a dating app among young people it's closer to half men

significantly outnumber women it's about 60 percent by the way the ultimate

dating app where it's it flips is college it's 60 40 female to male some data

from our newsletter no mercy to mouse on hints the top 10 percent of men

receive 60 percent of the likes for women it's 45 percent so again more of that

portion polygamy on the internet everyone has access to everyone and the

digitization of the market results and so that so part of the resistant

unsubscribed movement is sort of this genges and con is a genges and con

but he basically went after he would go after a single city kill all the

dudes rape all the women burn the place down and then point to the next

city and say we're about to do the same thing here or you can just lay down

your weapons and we're actually fairly decent people join our army there doesn't

need to be any bloodshed but you went after one city at a time and what I'm

actually thinking about with resistance and I'm subscribed is narrowing it

down to a smaller number of targets maybe even just one target in March kind

of genges on them go GK on anyways dating apps

yeah I don't think they should be on resistant unsubscribed because they

don't have a market cap big enough but essentially the digitization of any

environment or any market creates a winner take most environment you digitize

retailed and you end up with one company Amazon who through great execution

and access to cheap capital gets 50 percent of all online commerce

same things happened in dating except more on the supply side what do I mean by

that essentially when everyone has access to everyone and he becomes

digitized then everybody wants the same people especially women who are more

choosy the basic anthropological incentives of the following men want to

spread men have millions of sperm women have one egg so men feel it's their

job to spread their seed to the four corners of the earth we're just much less

choosy and quite frankly hornier women are put up a much finer screen to pick

the smartest fastest and strongest feed that's why your kids will likely be

smarter and taller than you now how does millions of seed get through this

much finer screen typically it's been work friends religious

institutions school where people meet those used to be the top

places for people to connect and one of the keys to those

environments was that people had a chance specifically men had a chance to

demonstrate excellence the difference was back in the olden days i

until the dating apps took over men had venues to demonstrate excellence

women say well i didn't like them at first but i liked how cliny was to his

parents i liked his hands i like the way he danced he had wonderful friends it

was really funny they got a chance to demonstrate excellence over time

with dating apps you don't really have a chance to demonstrate excellence it's

been distilled down to a small number of observable digital criteria what's

happened with dating apps is that the the choosiness versus lack of choosiness

has gone crazy and the stat is and i hate the in cell movement that 80% of women

want the same 20% of men but there's some truth to the notion that most of

the women will all be attracted to the same men and unfortunately

it's kind of a few basic things it's sort of height

and perceived resources so the i hate this term but people use it six feet six

figures when you see all these women being interviewed about dating they say

well in a minimum six feet six figures because six feet if you will our height

is measurable height was an issue when i was younger and meeting but it wasn't the

issue it is now online dating has taught

taught people think okay here's a distillable analytical measurable metric

height and then your money where you went to school the watch that's

accidentally the Rolex actually slips into your profile where you live

but over time men got to demonstrate excellence in person now those

venues for demonstrating excellence people aren't going to school as much

remote work they're not going to religious institutions

men ages 20 to 30 are spending less time outdoors

than prison inmates so the dating apps have really

what have they done they have aggregated currency to the most attractive

and in some if you're a dude on a dating app if if you're in the top 10% of

attractiveness it's fucking disco right you can have a date every night

which unfortunately doesn't lead to good long-term behavior or investing in

long-term relationships because you kind of think why should i i think

generally for women it's just shittier a little bit shittier all around

and the bottom 90% of men end up just very discouraged and unfortunately

start developing kind of misogynistic tendencies because they hold women

accountable for their rejection or their lack of self-esteem because they don't

have a place to demonstrate excellence and also there's a generally a rule of

threes that i apply to some of the young men i coach and that is if you want to

mean the top 5% of men in terms of attractiveness you need to

do only three things especially young men work out at least three times a week

work at least 30 hours a week outside of the home and put yourself

in the agency of strangers in the company of doing something bigger than

yourself at least three times a month that puts you

no shit in the top 5% and if you're in the top 5% long enough you're

going to find a potential made or really interesting

friend so what is online dating done it is consolidated the market it's been great

for the top and it's been really harsh on the bottom 90 but i don't think in

terms of resisting unsubscribe i want to go after whatever it is

it's a flutter and that's a gaming one match dot com they just not worth it

they're not worth as much me going after dating sites i don't know i think they're

bigger bigger game to go to fell if you will or to go after

but the digitization of the dating market has become a winner take most

attributes similar to the way america is being run and i think it has really been

harmful to most young people who are very discouraged

especially the bottom 90 men but also it sort of leads men to give up on

dating supposedly about 62 percent of men under the age of 30 aren't even

trying to date and i fucking hate the in-sell movement you're not an in-sell

you're a v-sell you're voluntarily celibate the majority of men

through 99 percent of history have been involuntarily celibate yeah

you got to level up there's very few things men would rather be doing than

having sex okay but you've got to earn it you've got to work out you have to

have a plan you have to be nice you have to persevere you have to have

resilience need to put on a fucking clean shirt smell nice groom and then

put yourself in the company of strangers where you can take risks and realize

if someone's not interested in you in your polite and excuse yourself you're

both going to be fine right in cell instead they give up start blaming

immigrants for their economic problems start blaming women for their

romantic problems and they become quote unquote in-sells like at the badge of

honor no it's not brother no it's not the majority of

us have been in cells but you know we do we fucking level up

and men in America today have more agency

than men have had in through 99 percent of history throughout history

80 percent of women have reproduced and only 40 percent of men

the natural state of the of being in the mating market throughout history

is Porsche polygamy and that is a small number of men through inheritance

or exceptional talent aggregate a lot of influence and power and have

multiple sexual partners in the bottom the bottom half of men have none so

what do we do to level up people we need more third places we need to put more

money in the pockets of young people and also

young people especially men recognize the dating apps are not the dating

world and if you're not successful in dating apps don't get too discouraged

find real world places where you can meet people and demonstrate

excellence and level up you have more agency only 40 percent of men have

reproduced through history in America it's 80 percent of women that hasn't

changed but it's 75 percent of men so all you have to do if you're interested

in having a family which supposedly is the number one priority for for men on

the right is be in the top three quarters and you know how you end up in the

lower quarter you give up and you start resenting people for your

fucking problems no boss you're not involuntarily celibate you're

voluntarily celibate welcome to the fucking work week level up

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welcome back on to our final question which comes from date and stormy on instagram how should

i approach a business partner that i feel is taking on too many other projects have you experienced

this uh i have always started businesses with partners uh i travel offer business and inevitably

wherever i'm somewhere amazing i'll be in paris i used to work with all of you major advise them

and clearance and Chanel inevitably if i'm alone i end up getting upgraded to the presidential

suite with the view of the awful tower and when i'm in a hotel alone in some amazing place

if i'm not with someone it's like it didn't happen and so building businesses with other people

it's just it's just very rewarding it's like building a life with someone else

it doesn't really happen i remember from the age of 20 to 30 i just didn't have very many people

in my life and then when my mom died i felt like when anything good happened to me it didn't really

happen because there was no one to celebrate it with so i really enjoy building businesses with

partners now what you need to do is just have very fluid open respectful communication i've always

i've typically started businesses with people that you know i like or could be friends with and i

have started business with the friends because the first thing you have to bring to a partnership

is generosity because at some point you'll be adding more value than your partner or they'll be

more adding value adding more value than you and if you're constantly measuring each other's

contribution and arguing each other there's nothing that tears down a great small business like

the partner's feuding that that is often that can just kill a business so if your partner is

working on too many things at once what i would suggest is you have opened an honest and say look

in a small business we need to be snipers here it's got to be a sniper rifle not a buckshot it has to

be you know the specific crowds out the general uh one of the key advantages of a small company is

it can be so focused on such a small niche you can just own it you know at L2 we were competing

against McKinsey and i'm not exaggerating we were beating them because like we benchmark the

digital footprint of prestige brands that is just what we do that's all we do we don't do anything

else we're not going to do your supply chain we're not going to do kadafi's PR i mean whatever

what else McKinsey does we we're not going to figure out the right shipping routes or ship you should

acquire a company we're about kvton how does your Instagram and your mobile and your commerce

measure up against botega vennette or whoever they perceive as their competition uh so focus is

super important and what i would suggest you have a conversation with your partner is just express

your fears that we're spreading ourselves to thin that is a small company our advantages focus

and if you guys continue to not get along you may want to bring in a coach or even if you can

i always tried to assemble boards even when i didn't need them because i thought they were helpful

just to work through issues get their advice or get for contacts but you guys may want to enlist a

coach or someone who you both like and trust to kind of mediate i have a friend who has a

sports league and his partner they they have built something amazing but

quite friendly they don't get along and by the way my i always get caught i'm boasting now but

oftentimes i have found i go on boards uh i get put on boards by a friend of mine who's a

stress credit investor who's this brilliant hard charging guy and more often than not i end up

being Switzerland or the buffer zone or the 55th parallel between him and the CEO who usually

some alpha male who thinks he's never wrong either and within about three board meetings they're

lacking horns so having someone that you guys can meet with regularly maybe assembling a kitchen

cabinet to say no these two or three things are worth taking risks on your partner trust or

they can say yeah this guy's right you're spread too thin you need to these all maybe great

opportunities but maybe not great opportunities for you right now because you need to be focused in

open honest generous dialogue and too if that's not working bring it an outside party that you both

respect and trust to discuss through these issues and help you make decisions thanks very much

that's all for this episode if you'd like to submit a question please email a voice

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