Season 1, Episode 25: Collection of Stories from Women Who Lead, Diana Frazier, Alex Jacobson, and Jennifer Tompos

Diana Frazier - Entrepreneur, mother, story teller, musician, worship leader

We start by checking in with Diana and how she is doing during this time of shelter in place.

She says it’s been crazy.  As she tells her kids let’s “taking one day at a time,” and she takes her own advice by waking up and thinking only of today.

Diana’s business - Poulsbo Elderberry - is the busiest it’s ever been in the year and half that she’s owned it. This comes during a time when she now has her four children at home with her and her husband still working. She says is overwhelming, “How do I keep producing and keep up with the ever increasing demand while also being a mom some how?”

When things first starting amping up she was so busy that one day she realized she hadn’t gone to the bathroom in over six hours. It was because she was working, not stopping to eat or  even to go to the bathroom all the while her “house was exploding around her” with kids running around.

We asked her why is her business booming so much? She started Poulsbo Elderberry back in 2018. It’s a pre-made Elderberry syrup with herbs that used as an antiviral immune support. Diana said even just 5 years ago people didn’t really even know about Elderberry. The added herbs like echinacea, hibiscus, ginger and other things that help boost the immune system. It’s been growing in popularity since 2018 but with the Coronavirus she says that even people who “wouldn’t believe in that stuff” are even thinking they should try it.

Winter cold and flu season is usually her busy time of year of but she has seen her business increase by 500%!! Which is insane. She said it really would be more but she actually runs out and can not meet the demand! Like a lot of businesses right now she is stuck waiting on the supply chain. Diana always tries to buy locally and support other business in the Seattle area but when the Coronavirus hit it was sudden and hard she found herself unable to get the bottles she used and even some of the herbs. She has to order from 7 or 8 places and hope that one of them will be able to fulfill her order and actually show up.

It’s said all over media that this is “unprecedented,” we are living in a time when nothing like this has ever happened. It reminds Danielle about trauma and how it has all these tentacles reaching so many different parts.

Diana reiterates that trauma is a place of powerlessness and right now none of us have control over what’s happening or will happen. She said she can feel like she is in control by placing orders to her suppliers, but she doesn’t have any control over whether they will be filled.

She and her husband have a long history of significant medical trauma and so to experience COVID-19 right now she is coming from a perspective of “I’ve already sat vigil while he was dying three times…. I don’t want to do that again.”  She finds her herself busy with work and wondering if she is busy because she doesn’t want to think about or experience the trauma they are in. Everything is amplified for a lot of people because of trauma that we carry with us.

The fact that this is a medical trauma feels very personal for her.

There is this sense of triggering; we’ve done this before, while also having nuances that are different and how our responses can be different. Most of the time when someone is triggered they are having feelings from the past come up in the present but their present self is actually safe. Diana says what we’re experiencing now is a trigger but with a real sense of danger to our present self.

Danielle said many people are struggling to just validate their reality. There’s this attack against our reality. “In this moment I may be safe, but I don’t know.” That is legitimate fear.  COVID lives in the air for three hours so the air we breathe could be toxic even when there is no one around. So even when we take all the precautions of social distancing there’s this weight that it is not enough. How do we validate ourselves without freaking out?

Diana says there’s an inner dialogue happening, “Am I spiraling right now?" Where we critique our own feelings. There’s so much peace in just saying, no that’s a real feeling right now and there is so much that is uncertain for ourselves and our loved ones. We also don’t have the benefit of being able to go on a walk with a friend or get coffee with a friend.

Maggie says she is an extravert this is has been a hard season of not being able to get together with people. She asks Diana what she does in lieu of not being able to go hang with her friends? Diana says she is also an extravert and her self care is looking like showering every day. “What can I do that gives me a sense of normal right now? I shower and I put on makeup and it doesn’t matter that I won’t see anyone.” She also finds time to play piano and sing, working out. She does these things not because she is pretending everything is normal but knowing that she isn’t going to feel great if she has not showered and is not dressed and ready for the day.

Danielle asks Diana about any resources that she has been using during this season: Going to therapy! Still having a safe connection, a place where she can empty out what she is processing. Diana also curates what she is viewing on instagram, making sure that she is not seeing things that make her feel like she is not enough. She I just aware of what she is interacting with with.

You can connect with Diana at: poulsboelderberry.com also on facebook and instagram.

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Alex Jacobson: Wife, mother of 5, leader, bible journal-er, speaker, writer, avid book reader and book reviewer, activist, advocate, lives on her hobby farm with her husband of 12 years, and she’s an excellent cook sharing her cooking tips and tricks on Instagram.

Alex has been strictly  social distancing since March 13th [16 days at the time of this recording] because both her husband and her father, who she usually sees daily, have auto-immune disorders so they have been taking social distancing very seriously from the start.

It’s weighty to carry the responsibility of her husband’s health as well as trying to keep the trauma low for their kids by making the experience positive while also keeping them informed and helping them understand why we’re going through this. “There’s a very specific reason we’re taking extra precautions.”

For her kids, only one even knows or heard the word “coronavirus.” Their family had gone screen-free two months ago, which she felt was a prompting for her family, and so her kids are getting very little outside influence. She says that they know that they are staying home to stay healthy, and that means not seeing going to see friends and really not even going out to the store for errands. It’s a means to protect their Papa who has diabetes, as well as their grandparents, “Nona” and “Dandad.” They’ve focused on re-learning to wash hands. They are keeping medical visits through screens as well as with their kids’ teachers. “We’re just really being selective as to what screen, what media they engage with.”

Danielle said that’s a lot to juggle: managing her kids and protecting her husband and father… But how is she doing?

Alex says she normally ends her days “tired" because she is a high energy multi-task-er but now she ends her days exhausted. She’s been sore in her body and also more sleepy-tired, sleep being much harder to come by with a nursing baby. She said she also has less child-free adult time, and that has been hard as well. She knows sleep is important so her husband has been trying to give her an extra hour of sleep in the morning. In the evenings she has been caring for her body by getting in the hot tub to relax. She is watching an hour of news every couple of days and reading which feeds her. And with this that she HAS to do, like cooking three meals a day, she tries to make them fun by trying new recipes and sharing on social media.

When their self-quarantine started she recognized her need to acknowledge what she’s grateful for. She hasn’t ever kept a gratitude journal or anything but she just knew she needed to say what she is grateful for in this season and she decided to share it on social media. And on that first day she had a response that it was so good to read that she decided to keep it up every day. Now that she’s doing it, it’s easier to find things she is grateful for.

Alex has always done cooking at home in her Instagram stories but now that people are home and cooking at home they are reaching out to her more and using it as a resource. One thing she’s been thinking about in this time is how to care for others. She said,” there’s only so many things I can do during the day” but responding to people on Instagram about their cooking questions feels like one way she can care for others during this time, especially as she is limited by the walls of her home.  Alex wants to love on and encourage others as best she can.

Danielle remarks that social media has become more community oriented. Before social media was a polarizing and isolating, plagued with comparison. And now there’s this sense that “no, I don’t have to be Alex… can you help me? How do you do this?” It’s a sweet connection.

Alex noticed the same thing. She was watching Kelly Welk’s instagram story on pizza dough and it inspired her to try it. It didn’t work for her so she jumped over to her cousin’s post on some quick and easy Korean beef bowls and she was able to whip that up instead. The sharing on social media as been life-giving in so many ways. The ways we are influencing each other, rather than comparison, are more unifying.

Maggie asked Alex how is is staying connected during this time of social distancing. She said her church has moved it’s services online and she’s been loving that. She’s also using a new app called House Party were you can play games live with friends. Because she’s an android user she doesn’t have FaceTime so she’s actually been using Zoom for a long time. Alex also uses Marco Polo which is a video messaging app, which you can view whenever it’s convent. When she thinks of someone she texts them right then, because she believes theres a reason she is thinking about that person.

Alex, over the past year or so, has been in the practice of writing prayers and using scriptures as prayer. When she thinks about her friends she’ll write a prayer, send a scripture or a worship song that reminded her of that person. She tries to let them know the exact words she prayed over them.

Connect with Alex:

InspirationClothesline.com

@inspirationclothesline for both facebook and instagram

She also has done IGTVs and fb live.

Alex is doing a book review of Jen Hatmaker’s upcoming book: “Fierce Free Fire” so stay tuned on her blog fo the review.

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Jennifer Tompos

Jennifer is a  Pastor in Oregon. She's a Leader, Mother, Wife, Graduate student, hard worker and friend.

In light of COVID Jennifer has found that her work has been confusing.  She and her team have to redefine what a win looks like and how to make a team work well. “It’s hard to lead teams when you’re not getting together.”

Musical time has been a felt loss.

What are we offering to people, how do we offer community when no one can be together, and how to make content that’s helpful rather than just more noise.

There’s so much context out there already. Pointing to other stuff out there lacks the personal connection, the people you know. Contextual applicable down to the community level.

Staff signed up on a google sheet and are taking turns going live online instagram for 5-10 minutes to keep people updated and communicated with. You don’t want to run the risk of being just “promotional.” You don’t want to be distracting. There’s a tension — they need to hear from you and you need to let people off the hook.

It’s easy to be discouraged right now, “Am I accomplishing anything?” Everyone is asking these same questions during this time of upheaval. Before you can ask someone to meet another person’s need, as a leader you need to make sure they are okay first, to experience their own grief.

This season marathon not a sprint.

Sabbath and rest is super important for Jennifer. This time is not a break for everyone, especially for people who are being targeted by racial injustice, who are low income or are struggling finically to make it through this time.

This time is a little counter cultural - everything is normally very fast paced and we have an opportunity to slow down. Jennifer calls it the silver-lining of this current situation is to make time for rest as leaders. Jesus rested!

It’s easy as a leader to become a part of the problem if we’re pushing our people to be more productive. It’s actually antithetical to the gospel. This is an opportunity for healthier rhythms, rhythms that create more peace in the midst of this anxiety.

Danielle says there is already a layer of trauma in our society. One way to numb out from trauma is to get really busy so you don’t have time to notice what’s around you, to feel depressed or traumatized. We are living through trauma right now it is ongoing, and we need permission to feel, to become un-busy, and to rest in the grief.

Jennifer says she wonders if leaders feel awkward doing instagram live; there’s a vulnerability to saying things out into the internet and not knowing who is listening out there…. It feels more intimidating than in person trainings that aren’t recorded.

Danielle asks Jennifer how she holds zoom meetings and work from home with kids and do grad school. She replies, “well it’s all a big circus!” Her husband interrupted her zoom meeting last night because their son had swallowed a plastic dinosaur and had to go to the ER. “Not a place you want to be going during a pandemic.” She said most of her life works right now because she and her husband are tag teaming it. She knows it is a privilege that her husband is working from home right now and not everyone has that luxury, so that helps. She is leveraging tv time, using it for when she needs to do video conferencing.

Jennifer said that she’d had to lower her expectations. She finds there’s a correlation between expectations and her level of aggravation. There’s more freedom at her house than their usually would be… Kids pick up on tension and anxiety from us. The kids are also missing their friends and the regular schedule.

Jennifer in regards to her grad school said she would not advise learning an ancient language in the middle of a pandemic. Every day she sets expectations for what is reasonable to do during this day only in regards to self care, kids, husband, school, and work.

Connect with Jennifer on Instagram @JenniferTompos

Well, first I guess I would have to believe that there was or is an actual political dialogue taking place that I could potentially be a part of. And honestly, I'm not sure that I believe that.