Seelf Inquiry Part 2

All right self-inquiry part two of three

So in the first video we talked about background of self-inquiry

We talked about a little bit of history and modern history ramen of Mahershi and so forth and I talked about

What goes into inquiry what what you take into inquiry how you orient to inquiry? How you prepare yourself?

um

And then this in this video

I'm going to talk about the process itself and the next video. I'm going to talk about what happens after and

Each three of these phases are important and I talk about this in my book if you haven't seen that read that check it out

But the way I break it down is in these three phases because

Again of the pitfalls that come with this process and with any spiritual process any

Process of digging into your identity

It's important to talk about the pitfalls in the same way. It's it's important to talk about the actual process so

Because of all the pitfalls both before and after it's just as important to talk about what happens before during and after

so

The last thing I wanted to add actually about

Going into this process is

To the degree you can going into it without expectations is really helpful

Now that seems strange. I know because your mind might say well my expectation is to wake up

It's like the biggest expectation. I have it's such a big deal

And that may be the case in the relative world. That's fine relative world meaning your life as you know it yourself as you know

Yourself your motivations as you know them. That's fine

But when we are talking about moment to moment

In experience we're talking about instantaneous experience not even moment to moment but when we're talking about the process itself

Of inquiry you have to be willing to really give yourself to it

That's surrender you have to be willing to surrender to the inquiry

because

Probably what holds it up the most is just this kind of background expectation. You're not aware of

Um

And that comes with the other side of that is not willing to let go of your expectation

Or your your sense of orientation. There's a great quote by my friend Ashwar who says

He said this a few times, but uh what he says is when you come into contact with the unknown

You might want to turn back. There's something in you that will want to turn back

He's like and you have a choice you can turn back to the known

Or you can continue into the unknown

And that's a very very good way of saying it

You have to be as you move into inquiry you have to be willing to go into the unknown

Now that's a paradox in that

Yes, you discover in a sense what was never hidden

but

It's not known in the usual way we talk about known at all

It's it's kind of this very mysterious truth

Living truth

There has nothing to do with knowledge not thought knowledge

Not self-knowledge right so just wanted to say that

Now as we talk about the process itself as I mentioned in the last video there are different ways of doing this

I've talked about probably different ways of doing it

But every time I just try to give certain nuances that are helpful

And I never knew who's going to watch this or who it's going to work for so

I'm sure to work for somebody and that's enough

Uh, so when we're when we're inquiring and by the way if you haven't seen the first video definitely watch that first

So when we're inquiring um

As we as we move into the actual inquiry experience

I want to say something strange and that is

It doesn't matter as much what question you're asking as you think

Um, in the first video I talked a lot about who am I and the robin approach of asking who I am who am I

Noticing the thoughts that answer that question and then seeing

To whom do those thoughts occur or to whom did that thought occur and then seeing the answer is me

And then beyond that asking again who am I then right that's his process um so

It can be the question who am I it can also be the question what is suffering

What is the root of suffering?

It can be the question could be what is truth

The question could be what is stillness

I've heard versions of all of these work for people

The question could be what was my face before my parents were born

So

So find a question that resonates with you. That's interesting

At the very least a question that invokes true curiosity

Because if you're just like ah who am I who am I yeah, I don't this doesn't do much for me

But I think it'll give me enlightenment. So I'm gonna keep doing it

You know, you're gonna do it half-heartedly at best

But if it's if there's a juicy question like no who am I

Because I used to think I was this and that and this and that

This person in this timeline, but I can see now that that's all thought

So who am I really yeah, so if you have that kind of curiosity that's great curiosity is key to this

bring with it curiosity

uh and

When you ask the question

Really to the degree you can feel into it

Don't contemplate it don't think about an answer or don't analyze feel into it

And if if if feeling into it leads you to think if that puts you in your head then hold that lightly

But it's much more of a feel thing than a thought thing

It's much more direct experience than it is concepts

It's much more mysterious than it is known

So feel into it

When you ask the question

Don't ask it like a mantra like who am I who am I who am I

You might start that way maybe maybe it'll clarify the mind a bit

Maybe it'll be a bit of a one-pointed approach or something

But ultimately that's not what you're trying to do

It's really like who am I

And then really seeing how that moves your attention

See if you can notice it moving your attention somewhere that your attention's not used to moving

Because your attention's used to moving to thoughts

I promise that's that's what's happening almost all the time

To the next thought

But when you ask who am I knowing that no thought can define who you are

Now where does your attention go

Who am I

Not trying to land

Not looking for a conceptual answer and anytime a conceptual answer appears or a thought appears

disregarding it

Not pushing it away or resisting it

Or getting frustrated just saying to yourself that's not it that's a thought

So who am I

At some point you can use any in literally any question or almost any question what is this

Once you know the feel of inquiry

You almost don't even need a question

Because inquiry is kind of continuous with this this sort of abjected mystery that will appear

And when you start feeling that mysterious nature of of the inquiry you're in a good place

Let your attention move be playful be

Experimental with your attention

Don't be experimental with thoughts

Let your attention move wherever it wants to move be intuitive

Let go

Who am I

And literally let your attention go wherever it goes don't try to control it

This is I think where this part this actual asking the question probably fails the most is someone's trying to control it

You have expectations you're not fully seeing and you're using those expectations to

Read out

Read out. Oh, I didn't work again. How do you know it didn't work

Who are you that knows that ask that question. Well, who am I then

Can you just not land somewhere

Who am I

Or if it's a call on what is move

Can you let that not land somewhere like a thought

But genuinely ask genuinely release the question

Who am I

Noticing your attention will start to move differently

Might feel floaty and

kind of strange and

Not knowing where to land, but it's still kind of moving around almost like looking for something

Not for a thought anymore

That's fine

You might feel sensations you might feel emotions doing doing this

You might feel a fear emotion arise if it does it's okay. Maybe really intense for short time

It's okay stay in the gap

Keep in that mystery don't insist on an answer

Don't insist on your expectations being what is found or your expectations coming to fruition

Because there are expectations

Who am I

Now

That's one kind of instruction. I'm going to give you a different kind of instruction

And these actually overlay one another they kind of stack

Although they might feel different at first. They're they're the same thing

But

This other pointer is very simple and direct it is

Noticing simply noticing

That which is the most

At the center of your experience

That which is the most

You in a felt way

What is the most felt sense of you

What is the most felt sense of I

Or what does it feel like to be who I am right now

Knowing that you don't have to go anywhere to touch into this by the way

You don't have to go anywhere. That's the strange

Very strange paradox about self-inquiry

You're not going to a new place

You're learning to not go into the well-worn

False place

Of thought of the thought-based I don't go there

Be willing to stay in the mystery

Resting in what it is that feels like the most

You the closest

What's the closest experience possible right now

I'm just feeling into that

And if it gets heady you can use self-inquiry lead yourself back or just remind yourself in the way I just said it

That that itself

Sometimes really it helps people drop in

There's a degree of surrender to all of this as I mentioned at the beginning and that

Becomes a little more important as the inquiry matures and by important I mean

You know come forward in your experience

This kind of surrender it'll feel more

Real than your thought-based

Understanding

It's more of an intuition

And it's automatically here

It's not you can't construct it

It's just here

This mystery this curiosity

This wonder

This

Not a thought

Not a concept not an I thought

That is here already

And it will become more and more compelling and interesting and

I say compelling it's a it's a physical resonance when I say interesting it's

There's nowhere else you want to put your attention anymore

But you don't have to hold your attention rigidly there either. It's it's a freedom of attention

It's not interesting in a conceptual way you realize all those concepts have fooled you

derailed you

caused misery

Rest here

Rest in this

I don't want to make this video too long or complicated or have too many parts because I don't want to make this unnecessarily confusing

That's it

Watch it a few times if you need to read my book or the chapter on um

Inquiry

To dial in further

Yeah

All of the clues are in these videos

Just know you can watch the videos and catch five clues, but the seventh sixth and seventh one maybe the ones that it's easy

They're easy for you to overlook for instance

Because again the ego has a bit of a

Coping mechanism it it likes to survive. It doesn't like to be broken open like this. So

Be patient

The last thing I'm going to say and I really like this

uh

There's let me say it in two versions one is ramen actually

Said

This isn't something this inquiry the self-inquiry isn't something you just do when you're meditating

You do it all the time right

All you can do this all the time

Now

I'm a little cautious to say that because I don't want anyone to beat themselves up because you forgot to do it for five minutes

Or because when you're working you don't have time to think about this or it's too distracting

That's not what I mean

But when you really are on fire with the Dharma when you're really ready for this shift to occur

Something will want to do this all the time or basically all the time that you have the capacity

You have the bandwidth or the free time to do it

And that's how it was for me. It was so profoundly enjoyable when I hit that place where it's like oh shit

I can do this all the time. This is what I was like I want to do

Why don't I do anything else? Yeah

So

That's a good place to be but that's a good pointer for Ramana and then in the three pillars of Zen and this is a

Common thing that the Zen teachers and certain traditions would say

When you're working with a koan say which self-inquiry is is a koan

um

You can treat it

Like a like a real like a railroad track, right? It just goes on to infinity

And don't deviate

That's what I mean by letting your attention free itself from the binding of thoughts

Let that continue on endlessly

Because why not it's so enjoyable finally

Being free of that next thought and that next thought it's being free

From all that

Doubt fucking suffering like it's right here

When you taste that

Then it's like you're willing to apply that that little bit of effort. It's not a lot of effort at first

It might be feel like a lot of effort but with time it'll feel like

Just a bit of effort and a bit of alertness

But you'll start to read even be able to relax into that. It's kind of in my book when I talk about where alertness meets relaxation

That's the sweet spot and you'll find that here

So be willing to continue on with this instead of just telling yourself the same old story about whatever it is

Your spiritual journey and your frustrations and whatever

How long do you want to listen to that story? It's so frustrating, right? So uncomfortable

so

Replace it with this replace it with this endless inquiry into the nature of truth

What more could you want to do in this life like it's it's here for you. It's amazing

It's

The last thing I'll say is there's a quote in the Three Pillars of Zen where

Harada Roshi

This very small short but very fierce

Very renowned Zen master who many many many people woke up underneath him

um in his in his

vicinity and during his retreats and so forth

Uh, but in the Three Pillars of Zen they talk about how he came into the zendo during Sushi and everyone's deeply meditating and all this and these

Mashes a stick over the altar breaks it and he yells at everybody says you're holding the most precious thing in the universe in your hand

Don't squander it

and he's right