Setting Boundaries Is Kindness - EP 982

Today we talk about setting boundaries and how it is a kindness to do this sooner rather than later. Just in time for holiday gatherings. We will also cover our usual Monday segments.

Featured Event: Mastersingers Christmas Concert, Dec 15, 3pm in Cookeville, TN

Sponsor 1: DiscountMylarBags.com

Sponsor 2: AgoristTaxAdvice.com

Livestream Schedule

Shifted to afternoons this week because of Gift Coffee Orders

Tuesday, 2pm with Ready Riflemen

Thursday, 6pm, The Great American Preparedness Tour Live

Friday, 2pm, Homestead Happenings with the Tactical Redneck

Tales from the Prepper Pantry

• Half a cow arrived, the whole one will arrive sometime after Christmas
• Cheated with fresh store veggies this week, because we can 😀
• Still need to reorganize the freezers
• Prepper pantry Redo has stalled and I may see if I can hire someone to help
• Post road trip easy meal: Burgers, salads from the trip, and a dish from Knighthawk

Frugality Tip

I have a favorite pair of headphones I use, mostly in the morning when someone else is still sleeping. They are the over the ear kind, not buds. I picked them up to use and the coating on them was peeling, and when I put on my ears it was itchy. I'm not the one to throw them out and buy a new pair. Also I'm not a crochet kinda girl (yet), but there's a crochet solution as well. I cut off the top few inches of an old sock (which I keep as rags , so had a some) Turned it inside out, rolled it down in half and put them over the headphones. And honestly the sound improved as well. 

So get crafty to get more use out of the things you have 

Main topic of the Show: Setting Boundaries Is KindnessSome weeks, I am not sure what would be the best fit for an LFTN Podcast but today, I had a nice chat with Jenni and she pointed out that lots of people struggle at the holidays with feelings of guilt because they are obligated to see family. Family of the kind that make them uncomfortable or are darn right abusive.

So today, we are going to talk about boundaries, setting boundaries, and why it is a kindness.

Story 1: The Friend or Employee Who Makes Small Mistakes on a Paid Project, John Willis wanting a different set up at SRF.

How to do this kindly:

• Do it with the correct mindset
• Do it one on one
• Be clear on the issue and on the solution to the issue. It is 100% unfair to point out something that needs to be different without clarity on what the steps to making it happen are - even if it is "reflect on the thing and let me know what you plan to do to change it."
• Why it is kind to say something sooner rather than later 
  • small correctable things can become big problems over time. Most people are willing to adjust if they know a reasonable adjustment is needed
• What if the boundary was ignored? Then you know where you stand and can make future decisions sooner.

So in general, being clear and setting reasonable boundaries can be very hard because hard conversations need to be had. There are some common ways to make these conversations reasonable.

1. Timing - heat of the moment issue and Upset Ian story
   1. Jenni's way to walk away in the moment
   2. My way to walk away in the moment
2. Following up, how to bring it up (Avoid the conversation shanghai TRAP)
3. Clear, kind communication based on what you can control (you), what the issue is (How something they do makes you feel), what you want to see be different, Consequences. (Drunkenness Story). ALENON can be a good place to go for learning about setting boundaries that are hard to set
4. Consistency and follow through - once it is set, stick to your boundary in a kind way

Scenario

• Politics or religious pressure at a family Christmas gathering
• Unwanted male attention at a party and "being polite"
• Bad timing for a visit
• Pull from audience

A Hard question for you - what are you doing to invite problems with your boundaries?

• Bringing up politics or things you know will lead to a reaction (The global warming mug)
• Swooping in to rescue people who then take advantage of you
• Other ideas?

I don't know who needs to hear this but it is ok to set boundaries with family. You dont have to go to the thing. You dont have to stay at the thing. You dont have to participate in the white elephant if you cant afford it or just dont want to. You dont have to have the drink. And the same goes for staying – you can just say Im headed home now. Ir "Im leaving. But a caution - I avoid saying "Ive got to go" to get out of a place where people pushed past my boundaries. I dont want them to think I left because of a conflicting obligation.

Forgiveness and boundaries.

Make it a great week!

GUYS! Don't forget about the cookbook, Cook With What You Have by Nicole Sauce and Mama Sauce. 

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