Sex, Fantasy & Media Priming: Who Programmed Your Desire?

0:00Sexual intimacy can be a human being's biggest trigger and it can unleash a pandora's box of nightmare scenarios and if we leave sexual fantasy and sexual desire off on the side because we're like, that's taboo, we don't really want to talk about that. That one area can uproot the whole system because when you're having sex, guess what's still there? Your brain, your nervous system, all of your assumptions, all of your perception of reality, all of your emotional homeostasis and all the biochemistry they are addicted to. You are not a victim or a slave to your sexual desires and fantasy. You can learn how to rewire them. Your brain is wired for deception, but here's the truth. Patterns can be broken. The code can be written. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen? There is a conversation about sex that I think we desperately need to have. Throughout most of

1:03my generation, we've been pitched this lie that somehow sexual liberation and following our desires and playing with kink somehow unlocks a new level of consciousness unawareness. I've actually seen quite the opposite in my own life and with even people whom I've loved very, very much like Sam Isadora, who I know many of you once knew really prolific teacher and one of my dearest friends earlier on in my adult life before she had passed away. And I know as of even recently, there are a few other prominent teachers in that tantra space who have also chosen to take their lives. And I'm certainly not here starting off this episode saying, if you participate in d'antra, you're setting yourself up for potentially taking your own life. That's not what I'm saying. I am saying, I think we need to ask some better questions about who's pitching this narrative and where this idea takes us. And more importantly,

2:09what role our brain pattern in our own wounds can play when interacting with things like tantra, sex magic, or even just the idea broadly of sexual liberation. Because I don't think people are asking enough questions about the true origin point of some of these practices and looking meaningfully at how they can and have destroyed people's lives, their marriages. If I look at earlier years of my adulthood, I was a very different person than I am today. And I also just want to remind you, there's no part of me that's saying this from the perspective of you know, being a super legalistic Christian or a Puritan or Orthodox or what have you. I think where I'm coming from is actually quite the opposite. I was raised in a very liberal progressive household, extremely. I had parents who were really,

3:13maybe frankly, far too open about their sexuality and things regarding sex way too early. I've had way too many inappropriate conversations with both my mom and my dad where I'm like, do we have to talk about this? So in comparison to those whose houses gave you some sort of weird metaphorical birds and bees where you were left to like, huh? What do I do with that? You know, at age 14, I had quite the opposite. You've heard me talk on podcast episodes before about how I was exposed to a lot of movies that I likely should not have been exposed to you and early years. And I think there are some ways that that has served me in a positive way regarding pattern recognition, which we talked about on last week's episode. But there are also some ways that I think that is very much harmed me as a person and set me up for potential intrusive thoughts or fears or phobias that I very much struggled with when I was younger. And in today's episode, we're going

4:14to be talking about it through the lens of brain pattern and for those of you that are brand new here because I know we have a lot of new listeners. I want to make sure to land the plane on a couple key teaching principles before we keep going just so that it makes sense. A couple of things that I want to very much make clear are I am never teaching on this podcast or any of my other teaching platforms from a place of I'm right and you're wrong. And if you don't listen to me bad things are going to happen to you. I never would never do that. I'm actually one of the least judgmental people ever. People tell me wild and crazy stuff all the time. I have friends who lead their lives in very drastically different ways than I do. And I truly care not. I genuinely love human beings. I love human beings in their brokenness. That is actually a large part of my job. That is if I wasn't able to do that, I wouldn't be able to do the work that I do. So loving people in their

5:18brokenness, I would say is one of my specialties is kind of kind of my jam. Now, I think there's a way to love somebody in their brokenness without lying to them about the potential long-term consequences of some of their brokenness. And I wish all the time that I had a better mentor somebody in my life at different phases of my 20s that could have slapped me in the face and been like, are you serious? What are you doing? Because I was honestly I was a mess as obviously many 20-year-olds are and I'm not trying to minimize it and blame it on my 20s. I'm actually trying to blame it on my childhood. But the reality is while many people in their 20s can lead, you know, wild lives and be promiscuous all to eventually pull it back together and really change course, I think there's more to it than just a throw away of like, oh, that's just the 20s. I think we need to explore more deeply

6:26the role our childhood and our childhood influences and the frameworks that we establish in childhood and our moral compass, if you will, on what we think is right or wrong, how that influences how we go into our 20s. And you know, because we talk about it on the show all the time, pendulum swings are also real. I also have worked with teen communities who are living in residential sort of psychiatric-ish type care who are dealing with a variety of some of the worst mental illness you can experience in part because their parents tried to lock them down and prevent them from having any access to stuff like this. So when you do that, also it's very common that kids will pendulum swing and everything that you've told them they can't do or is sinful or you just keep them in a little bubble and hope they never find out about that stuff. Well, guess what? Kids are resourceful, they're going to find out about it. And if you've made it your life's

7:27mission to put bubble wrap around your child and only give them like one solid Christian legalistic through line, really bad things also happen. That's where you have kids that get pulled into online trans communities and furry communities because really anything outside of this straight and narrow thing that you've taught them, maybe it feels like rebellion, maybe it feels like exploration, curiosity, but you've peaked their interests because instead of helping them understand everything that's out there and builds up their own personal moral conviction and self trust and confidence, you've basically just put bubble wrap around them and like, you know, hoped and prayed for the best only to one day have your kid meet someone who's potentially a slightly bad influence and now they're exposed to a whole other world that is really enticing because frankly, it's just different or maybe people are really accepting and open and they're experiencing a whole new level of accepting and open that they've never experienced because of this sort of

8:30legalistic Christian through line that you've given them in their childhood. So I'm not here to judge which way you do it, how you raise kids. I can tell you how I do it and I will at the end of the episode. But I think big picture of my job here is never to tell you this is what it is my way or the highway. You guys should listen to what I'm saying, think about it, process it, hopefully reflect on things that you have or haven't done in your life and see where the solfits and then make informed decisions. I never want to be in the position of responsibility over your life. I, in fact, do quite the opposite. I feel like my whole job is to help you learn how to build up your own agency and your metacognition and bolster self-trust so that you can make empowered good long-term decisions for yourself and your family if you have one. But remember, pendulum swings are real. I feel like I was overly exposed in a way that was really harmful but kids can be under exposed and

9:36bubble wrapped in a way that is equally as harmful. Another concept that I want to talk about today as we drop into the episode just to understand a little bit of framework from break method, which is the emotional repatting program that I've been teaching gosh for 12 years. It's crazy to think that it's been going on for 12 years but for 12 years is something called a source belief pattern. If you've been a listener or watcher of the show, you know this concept has come up before. When you are a child, whatever you experience with repetition that is received by you at whatever child at age we're referring to as some sort of negative or stressor or something fear-inducing is going to over that repetition, it's going to create its own sort of pattern or framework with which your brain starts to perceive the world around you. In break method, I often describe this like putting on a glasses prescription that you don't realize you're seeing the world

10:41with. You think that you're just seeing the world objectively but we know what was repeated to you in those early years often in very sneaky under the radar ways puts on this lens of glass through which you're now perceiving reality and you think it's objective but if you've watched the few episodes before this you know it's very much not objective at all. I did a two-part series I think at the end of last season on what is objective reality and doesn't even exist so that'd be a good one to go back. I go a lot more in depth into the neurological structures that are involved in this and how we teach this in break methods. It was a big one to go back and watch. So I want you to imagine now that you're wearing this glasses prescription but you don't know it. You're five-year-old, you have no idea you're wearing glasses where you think that what you're seeing is objectively true and everyone's seeing them things this way because that's what happened, right? Now that glasses prescription is going to slightly shift or distort things and it's important

11:42for you to be aware of what types of things go into the making of that glasses prescription. These are things that can be really direct like somebody showing you a movie or having an appropriate conversation around you or to you about sex where maybe your you know nine and the word blow job keeps getting tossed around you're like what's a blow job? Right I don't think a nine-year-old should just casually hear the word blow job you know tossed around. Did that happen in my house? Unfortunately yes. So if you think about it this way if you're nine or maybe even say six and this word blow job is like floating around you only have a few options right if you're at all an inquisitive or curious person option one is you immediately push back and ask your parent the most awkward question ever you know mom dad what's a blow job? That's option one some kids wouldn't do that some kids would and I think we all know not every parent's going to be like well honey a blow

12:44job is they're probably going to dance around it really oh you don't need to know about that I shouldn't have I shouldn't have said that or maybe they just completely pretend that you don't even ask questions just move on with their lives or because they're like oh crap I shouldn't have shouldn't have said that but I don't want to take ownership maybe if I don't blink they won't realize that it happened. So one of those two things is likely to happen and in those cases what is that child left to do? I don't know back in my day there was no let me google it praise god I can't even imagine what would happen if a six-year-old knew how to type enough to be like what is a blow job on google maybe one of you listening or watching wants to let me know what happens but I'm pretty sure the end result would be horrifying and would do exactly what today's episode is talking about it would give you a priming event that would influence your sexual trajectory forever what is priming you ask well we are highly visual creatures and some of us more so than others

13:49I am a highly visual creature and I have a photographic memory so if I see something that is burned in my memory forever for good or for bad it worked out great for school terrible for virtually everything else because even today if I had a client tell me something extremely traumatizing and my brain built a visual as they were telling the story which it almost always does I can never get that visual out of my mind ever and if you've been following this podcast for the last three seasons I've talked about this a little bit before there are a few probably four client cases where every once in a while and it's happening right now because I'm talking about this the visual that was populated while this client was sharing their extremely traumatizing story will just every once in a while tap me on the shoulder be like hey remember that time horrifying and then I won't be able to get out of my head for weeks and now it's there and here we go so some of us are highly visual and

14:54some of us again are slightly less so when you get that visual stimulus let's say hypothetically even just from googling what is a blowjob on google which again thank god I couldn't do in the 90s you're probably going to see some things or see some words or even read some words that may even then populate a visual so even if you're not explicitly getting a visual of said thing that you googled there are a lot of incoming stimuli that your brain is now going to try to organize and populate some sort of visual boundaries for what you were just exploring that is now going to primate moving forward whatever things we're getting with repetition your brain will start to build these sort of scaffolded constructs with which now you might not be able to stop thinking about it if there's an unknown or you had to fill in some sort of gap sometimes your brain just starts in the middle of the day you're playing soccer and because two weeks ago you had to look up what's a

15:54blowjob and you were freaked out by what you saw and you're like oh I shouldn't have looked that up now you're trying to score a goal in your brain's like now might be a good time to remind you about what you saw on google do you want to remember the horrifying information that you found when you looked up what's a blowjob it's not a great time right now thanks brain but unfortunately guys that is how intrusive thoughts work they often pop up at a moment that you do not want them to pop up so I want us to be aware that these sorts of incoming stimuli even if it's something that we're hearing and passing or we're overhearing in a conversation or somebody's saying to us or we're watching in a movie these are the things that start to build these constructs in our mind of of thoughts and thought forms that sometimes as a child are hard to let go of and kids are naturally curious that is how we learn about our world how we exist in our world what what cause and effect relationships take place in our world and I have seen many many adults who went on to experience

17:00repetitive sexual abuse actually be able to pinpoint this back to early childhood sexual priming that created a curiosity that allowed you to become maybe slightly more obsessive or anxiously attached to the idea of some of these things or the attention of some of these things or even the you know you don't necessarily know what love is when you're young but even what looks like love and affection and you may accidentally attract people who might act this out on you or put yourself in risky situations, surely out of curiosity blended with the scaffolding of priming and it has led people into multiple instances of sexual abuse so that is one of the things that I very much want to discuss today is how those early childhood source beliefs and priming events can influence how we go into the world and how we become adults how we show up in intimate

18:04relationships and even of course what our own deeper desires or sexual fantasies are what sort of porn you're attracted to etc because all of our early childhood patterning is directly connected to those things and I have proven that time and time again over the last 12 years and if you are in break method in module three we go into this with a three-part lecture series where we get to explore source belief patterns and sexual fantasy and also just attraction and what can happen with intimacy between partners because of what happens in our brain patterning so if you don't yeah know what break method is you can go to break method.com it is a four-month intensive emotional re-patterning program that I've been leading for the last 12 years and it is absolutely blowing up right now we I've been on so many other people's podcasts the last few months we have so many students right now and it's just such a I mean it's hard to say that it's fun because you're like wait that doesn't sound

19:07fun it genuinely is fun yesterday we had I now do open office hours every two weeks so for about three hours every two weeks on a Tuesday I just have open office hours so anyone that is in break method right now they're in the practitioner program or they are a graduate can jump on and ask questions get behavior strategy etc and yesterday was one of those days on office hours that just reminded me why I do this work and how much I love this work and it's so cool to see the multiple generations because yesterday on session we had a ton of brand new people because we just have so many new students so a ton of brand new people then we had a ton of people that were you know somewhere in between module two and module three and then we also had a bunch of people that were previously my clients who are now in the practitioner training or are now actively practitioners and it was just really cool to see everybody interact and just really share how impactful this work is

20:09and how much it continues to change lives change parenting style changes intimate patterns and sexuality and identity are a big piece of this and there are so many days in going through brain pattern mapping sessions that you just are overwhelmed with just how many people have experienced sexual abuse it's the majority and I realize I'm not getting a random sampling because I am getting people that are taking brain pattern mapping that are actively aware of an ongoing problem and they're seeking some sort of guidance or assistance with mental health etc. So I realize I'm not getting a random sampling but we have a large sample 20,000 clients over the last 12 years and over 3,000 people just recently in our database and the majority over 90% report some type of sexual abuse incident and often during childhood so with that in mind

21:15this conversation just has to happen because we are a society who on the average has experienced some form of sexual abuse often multiple instances of sexual abuse and then we go out into the world we try to build these adult I can't even keep a straight face when I say try to build these adult relationships we try to build these you know stable reasonable adult relationships and what ends up happening well complete another chaos and one of the more common ways that toxicity and chaos can unravel an intimate relationship is by way of sex and intimacy that is technically what makes something an intimate relationship when you're an adult right that's what would separate friends from intimate partners is that somehow some sort of sexual intimacy is on the table and sexual intimacy can be a human being's biggest trigger and it can unwish a pandora's box of

22:23nightmare scenarios and if you're not willing to explore why it opens pandora's box and take a think more data driven look at what made you think and feel and act and crave what you crave you're probably just going to keep repeating whatever toxic cycles you've been in for a while and maybe you can eat those out and life is not bad in which case cool go job that was not the case for me and it's certainly not the case for most clients that I've met so we have to be really mindful of push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that's high performance loving everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com ultra running shoes are all about space the space to go further to feel better to do something

23:25you never thought possible and this space starts with ultra fit unlike traditional running shoes ultra fit gives toes more room to move naturally so every step is strong balanced and comfortable whatever you're leasing up for stay out there with ultra shop now at ultra running.com that's a l t r a running dot com being open to taking a look at what created our sexual identity and how we show up and instead of maybe just taking our more recent modern social cues of like just own it babe ethical slutting yeah maybe hit the pause button and say is this actually benefiting me at all is this really making my relationship better is this making me more reasonable emotionally regulated human being what is this actually adding to my life because often even people who I've

24:26seen go down this road often by way of pendulum swinging from intense Christian sexual repression via that pendulum swing I've seen it maybe because this is the nature of pendulum swing right technically you're passing through some sort of middle ground and then you just keep going keep going keep going so it says though you go from one toxic state passing through that opportunity in the middle over to another toxic state and I have seen this sort of sexual liberation completely destroy people that I know and love and I don't want to see you do that to yourselves I also don't want to sit here from like I said a Christian legalist perspective and be like all sucks is bad no one should ever have sex were marriage I know how I feel about that but it's not my job or my roller position to tell you what is right or wrong I will never do that don't care to do that and I think a lot of my beliefs around that are they're very individualized I'm not usually one to conform to one such structure of

25:31moral conviction I believe moral should be personal and it should be a combination of of course what you believed believe through learned mediums right be that books that you've read philosophy religion etc so I think those things are important although it's my personal belief that a lot of those sort of sources follow a meta narrative and meta narratives can easily be maliciously manipulated I will say to control the people consuming them so broadly I think a variety of sources consumed typically give you the best overall picture so I'm certainly not saying like read one book and then base your whole moral hierarchy personally off of that one book I think it's important to consume a lot and see what the universal truths are what lands what doesn't land what gives you

26:33that gutterall feeling we're just like oh that's not it or what things do you learn apply and see your life get better right that's that's one source and then another source really should be some sort of combination of instinct and intuition what technically feels like the truth because I do believe that human beings are built spiritually to be lie detectors I think the more we let our wounds get in the way our emotions can pull us off of that and we end up leaning more in toward instinct rather than true intuition and that's where we can shortly get pulled off of course but I think doing the work intentionally to understand what your personal moral hierarchy is is very important and I think actually not enough people do it their version of their moral hierarchy is well because this is how I was raised I'm a firm believer that if your answer to anything is like well just because or because that's what this one book says that can't actually be a concrete

27:35sustainable grounded belief I think the only way to land in a rock solid embodied belief is to learn a lot be exposed to a lot listen to and learn things that you disagree with as much as the things that you agree with if you're just constantly in an echo chamber that's mimicking everything that you were taught as a child it will be hard for you to have truly embodied beliefs that stand a test of being agitated or confronted with cognitive dissidents I've very much done the latter I very much expose myself to all kinds of things and we'll read things and listen to opinions of people that I vehemently disagree with I think it's really important when you're understanding somebody's constructs or framework that disagree with you and you can sit there and understand their arguments and understand why and and maybe even I you know acknowledge while this person is really convicted even though I personally disagree with them I can see that they are really convicted about this it should open a door for you to hopefully be able to

28:42understand your own beliefs even more even if through contrast so for those of you that believe something right now in terms of morality or religion or sexuality just because I encourage you to broke your sleeves and dig into that a bit more because in particular in this issue the just because belief system will crumble really vast as soon as you're confronted with anything that doesn't immediately match the sort of glass house of beliefs that you built yourself into so I would highly encourage that the last piece that I want to preface us with is an analogy that I use in break method when we're talking about our internal thought landscape I often will use an analogy of our new behaviors or new habits or rewired patterns that we're trying to create as being flowers when you are sowing seeds those of you that have ever guarded and you know that you put

29:43in a lot of seeds and not all of those seeds blossom why well soil conditions have to be exactly right you have to water exactly right there has to be the right amount of light on the soil and weeds weeds are a real thing and weeds can stamp out the growth of a young seedling so when we're thinking of how we are trying to grow and cultivate and develop new rewired behaviors or new habits or new neural pathways we have to know that we are battling extensive weed systems those weed systems you guessed it are your brain pattern they're all of your underlying assumptions and beliefs and your subconscious types of desire or attraction things that you've been primed with visually so we have to go into this work understanding that this isn't some happy easy gardening like I'm going to sow these seeds I'm going to give them a little bit of water if my watering can everything's going to be great no it is a full blown war it is a war against the weeds it is a war

30:48against the elements in many cases and I believe basically all our mind is truly the biggest battleground on planet earth and I think there are spiritual consequences responsible for this I many of you know I'm a believer very much believe in Jesus I would probably classify myself as a messianic Jew and from a spiritual lens I think it's pretty clear that life on planet earth is not easy there's a lot of darkness here there's a lot of wounding a lot of trauma and when you then have that micro experience of one person and he realized that most people on planet earth are having that same sort of dark battle of the mind and thoughts and insecurity and fear and phobia etc. and then you look at it at the macro level I mean it is a actual miracle that life is as good as it is I think about all the time when I'm driving on roads how crazy it is that the average person

31:52has enough mental fortitude to not just cross the line right think about that all the time we are driving cars and motorcycles and dump trucks and all types of heavy machinery and many of us are distracted we're on our phones we're emotional it is a absolute miracle that things aren't worse than they are praise God because it actually requires a lot of self control it really does so when we're thinking about everything we're going into today and understanding the role that sexual priming plays in how we can completely destroy our lives I want you to be aware of the analogy of the flowers and the weeds because there are certain flowers that if you want them to grow there are certain weeds that have to be plucked and in today's society I firmly believe that culturally, societally on social media we are primed with weeds all the time and it's almost as though they're

32:54trying to convince us that the weeds are the flowers they're like oh but this weeds really pretty they're not pretty they are destructive and it doesn't matter how you spin it or what influencer tried to convince you that this weed is actually pretty and all I can immediately think of is hungry markets a weed is a weed is a weed and weeds will eventually kill your flowers so do you want a flower garden or do you want a overgrown weed bed ultimately the choice is yours so let's start with looking at desire because I think I've made it clear at this point desires do not actually develop in a vacuum at all they're absolutely a deeper byproduct of priming that visual gaps in understanding over hearing things same with fantasy sexuality does not somehow just like pop up and alien you it's not just it's just not your nature sexuality is much more a byproduct

33:58of our nurture I'm not saying that there isn't a role that nature plays in it but it is significantly weighted in the opposite direction today's episode is diving into sex fantasy and media priming and how they all work together to destroy the flowers that many of you very much want to grow in your family in your house in your community and when you put all these pieces next to each other you start seeing a much larger pattern fantasy standards guilt shame fear social media the hyper sexualization of younger people even what we've done with aesthetics and plastic surgery tantra sex magic polyamory these all play a massive role I think and our complete downfall and destruction as a human civilization and if we're not really careful and try to do our personal work to bring it back into balance we are going to tip toe off the edge into something that I think

34:58is really scary and I think it's really very much tied into the transhumanist agenda and push toward the singularity many of you know how I feel about transhumanism and AI and the singularity as a whole I think it is very much a dark sinister and frankly satanic push I mean honestly the more you look at the people who are really pushing this they will openly acknowledge that they are summoning and some of them will even talk about how they are talking to demons that are coming through this so I don't even think that that's I think before if you said that people will be like whoa whoa whoa you can't talk about that I think we're actually way past that I think they're openly talking about it now which you know I guess that makes some of the rest of us look less crazy because we've been saying it for a long time and now that they've said it we can also say it's that's great but I think big picture when we think about transhumanism and this push toward singularity this whole idea of filters and that you can swipe and all the sudden look

36:04like you have lips or look like you know like changes your whole face all of these ideas are built to get us to not like our humanity and instead like our augmented like AI augmented duck lips better and like oh I can tap here now I have bigger boobs this idea that if I don't like who I am all I have to do is swipe and click and then look that this is this is the this is the me that I can present online that is a very dangerous precedent to set especially for younger people I feel so bad for them because they don't even know what actual pretty adult humans look like anymore I was watching I've been watching a ton of 80s and 90s movies with my older kids that doesn't exist anymore if you saw the most beautiful woman in any 90s movie today be like mid okay guys first of all they're not mid I hate that word but that's exactly what today's

37:04generation would say mid their faces aren't symmetrical they have wrinkles they they actually look their age back then that was okay that was the beauty standard it was beautiful women were considered like the most sexy women in the world with little boobs that would never happen today that's so sad and that is intentional you guys I'm telling you been saying it for so many years it's intentional they're trying to get all of us especially the younger generations hook line and sinker pulled into this idea that this sort of perfect symmetrical plumped boosted you know nip tuk snatch that's actually the standard that we want to go for because guess what that doesn't exist naturally it's not real there's so many Instagram influencers that I've seen that I know my daughter watches and I'm like a part of me wants to sit her down be like hi you do realize that even though these girls are like 20 they already have Botox and filler they're already getting threads etc like they all have

38:06boob jobs I know my daughter smart enough to know this but it's just as a mom it is really hard to watch and I think back to how hard it was for me as a teenager and we didn't have to deal with anything like this I'm 42 we had there was nothing like this nothing not a thing some of the most beautiful girl like think back to clueless you guys a leesha silverstone and clueless I mean by the way I think absolutely stunning if we think about her in today's standards she actually wasn't like the skinniest the fittest none of that like by today's standards I don't even think she would be considered beautiful which is really sad because back in our day that was like peak what you wanted to be as a girl like I feel like a leesha silverstone and clueless and 16 magazine it was like you know that's who you want it to be we've really lost our way and I do believe we've lost our way because they want everything hyper sexualized again like I said cosmetic surgery nip tuck

39:13plucked plumped etc because eventually oh you don't want to go through all that surgery cool just like put your consciousness into this clone cool just upload yourself here that is it's where it's going you guys I won't personally go there never literally over my dead body but that is where they whoever you want the day to be that's where they want us to go and I think if we don't tap the brakes and take a look at the role our sexuality and our sexual identity you please in this you become susceptible because you're your sexual desires and fantasies and all these things they do end up playing a part in you seeking out those things I don't know many I'm not to say that they don't exist but I don't know many women that get a boob job for reasons other than wanting to be more sexually attractive right I mean I personally I'm I'm not a large

40:19Justin woman to put it very bluntly in fact I have a body more like a small boy and that's okay I'm okay with that um always have been okay with that but if I go back into my 20s I've dated boys and I will explicitly call them boys that were like you'd be so much harder if you got a boob job thank god just want to say thank god it's always been my style personally to be so rooted in myself trust and confidence that I was like hmm absolutely not maybe we shouldn't date absolutely not only one time in my life did I ever get kind of gasslet into turning on myself so much that it was a very terrible relationship but there was a gaslighting scenario at a very precarious moment in my life where I was like oh am I ugly am I unattractive like do I look like a boy and then one day I had to be like you know what no I was like do you know and at the time I was a celebrity trainer I was like wait I'm an actual celebrity trainer I'm on magazines getting

41:24priests in my body I was like this is a you problem bro it's not a me problem but I almost got taken out and I think God every day that I didn't get taken out on that one because I'm still naturally me and I'm really grateful for that and I'm grateful that I get to be an example of that for my daughter and just want to say I'm not shaming anyone who didn't make that choice I will openly admit that one time in 2022 I totally got Botox and it made me so sick you guys so sick I looked great my forehead looked great and I was like oh this life people do this I just couldn't do it again just couldn't and thankfully now with Korean skincare I don't have to I mean obviously I can still do this but if I'm just if I try to chill right be to try to chill the forehead I don't have deep wrinkles think the Lord but my point is we're all susceptible and in general the in road to that susceptibility is to want to be desired or seen a certain way or

42:27possibly getting negative feedback right like you look old or like you'd be hotter if so we just have to be really aware that no matter how we look at this issue of transhumanism and where society is going or even the role you if you're listening to this as a mother as a father the role this your embodiment of sexuality and how you demonstrate this as an example in the world impacts your kids you need to be aware of it because it can release that your kids up for a really bad trajectory in life and hopefully this podcast was a warning sign that maybe you should think about it a little bit more or dig into a little bit more because as I've said there's no part in me that's trying to sit here and preach sexual repression I am trying to get you to dig deeper in what made you think feel and act the way you do and are those weeds or flowers are there different flowers that you actually want to cultivate

43:29for yourself for your spouse for your child and what weeds do we have to kill off in order to do that so I want to start here with something that I think we all remember happening culturally it was this phenomenon of 50 shades of gray up until the introduction of the movie book 50 Shades of Grey it was really rare that I heard about people kind of reading these sort of like smut books I know that back in the day you know there's like the romance novels where it would have like Fabio with the hair on the horse or whatever I get that I get that those of always existed but it does seem like after 50 Shades of Grey became mainstream via book and then of course movie all the sudden there was a massive uptick in particular in women really getting into these sort of like smut fantasy books and by the way I have friends whom I love dearly who are really into these and I'm not saying this my place of judgment I'm more just calling out that there

44:33does seem to be this domino effect of this happened culturally it went really mainstream all the sudden when we're like who okay now when you understand the worlds of kink and bdsm no matter what if you've ever been in any sort of abusive relationship or you've known narcissistic abusers or you've been gasslet or you've been sexually abused you know that these lines of kink and bdsm and all of the things that I just previously mentioned they're very very blurry and they're all very interconnected and then people will have you believe oh well kink and bdsm are a way to heal yourself from that um probably not push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that type performance loving iconic spaces that inspire personal training backed by real data unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and pilates to strength and conditioning elevate your

45:36post performance ritual with saunas steam rooms cold plunges and more everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com ultra running shoes are all about space the space to go further to feel better to do something you never thought possible in this space starts with ultra fit unlike traditional running shoes ultra fit gives toes more room to move naturally so every step is strong balanced and comfortable whatever you're lacing up for stay out there with ultra shop now at ultra running.com that's a l t r a running.com I realize that you know similar to homeopathy or certain types of medicine right sometimes we need to go into or expose ourselves to the thing that happened to us so that we can kind of reclaim our power and I I technically understand the logic behind that but I think what's

46:37actually happened and what's been pitched socially has been much more of a pendulum swing than like a little bit of that exposure therapy to help somebody recalibrate and with things like kink and bdsm becoming more mainstream because of things like 50 shades of gray we also see that pornography is obviously everywhere and all over instagram and now there's like AI pornography everywhere and now it's like AI trans pornography like there's nothing that I look at that would make me a target for that on instagram and yet and yet I feel like that is what's getting pushed everywhere I do think that there's a reason for that we'll go that into that another episode I feel and so deep we don't have time to go into that now but then with pornography and then the proliferation into things like instagram and ads and now these like sort of AI porn sort of characters that are

47:38popping up you literally can't get rid of it and then if you interface with it at all then you start to get served more and more of it and then people just literally can't get away from it and when you repeatedly expose your brain to a stimulus like this it starts to become familiar and then that familiar response if there's any sort of excitement or arousal that happens from it people end up wanting different and more and you have to increase the level of maybe kink to get the same thing it's the same with people who over drink coffee eventually what you could feel from two cups now takes four cups and then you're having a heart attack this is what happens is that the brain ends up seeking novelty to try to get that same hit and that sort of escalation itself becomes its own type of attraction because for some people a lot of this is rooted in boredom right or not liking their life or maybe not feeling like they're desired by their partner so there's

48:40usually this crack that that seeps into and then you start to seek more and more and novelty and I don't know if you've seen this interview I believe it was with Charles Manson I think no Ted Bundy and Ted Bundy surprisingly in this interview seemed like a reason to believe smart logical person which scares the crap out of me but he was saying that what pretty much all serial killers have in common is an obsession with increasing levels of more aggressive porn does that mean that if you watch porn you're gonna become a serial killer no no it does not but it does mean that porn can be a gateway for variety of really devastating things and it is highly addictive I believe they've proven that it's more addictive than heroin so if you can be aware enough to stay away from heroin you know maybe the next step is maybe I shouldn't watch porn anymore and that might be the weed

49:47that needs to get starved off but I digress I think some people have been tricked into thinking that sexual fantasies are a type of self-discovery and I have seen this in so many different communities whether they're spiritual tantra yoga etc and again I've seen this even with my own friends this can be an incredibly slippery slope that often lends itself into a pretty pronounced pendulum swing because a similar thing happens as you're exploring sexually just like with porn where it's like oh how about this category but how about this category oh if you're into that category like how about you know you can fill it in right we're just like escalate escalate escalate the same thing starts to happen with any unfortunately sort of sexual self-discovery so whether it's a category recommendation a thumbnail or oh try this instead of that oh got this book eventually

50:48it escalates and it is not likely to stop on its own unless you destroy your life and you're like whoa this is probably not good for me or maybe a friend or a loved one is like hi we need to have an intervention you're destroying your life or even worse you end up in a really sexually violent situation which I've had happen to clients and friends or you end up like Somazura who took her own life and other teachers of that same variety having done the same you can call it sex magic there is darkness to it and in general it is my belief and again this is my belief it doesn't have to be your belief I think that we have higher instincts as humans and lower instincts as humans higher instincts might be things like metacognition empathy etc where we award the desire to be of

51:52service they make us fundamentally more regulated better people that positively impact people's lives around us we also have lower instincts that I think pull us more into our animalistic side so let's say that we have a more higher evolved spirit man our higher instincts help elevate us toward that spirit man our lower instincts tend to drop us down into our animalistic side and I think a lot of these things would be included in the seven primary sins so example like to gluttony food of course I'm not saying food is evil I'm just saying those of you that have had some sort of addiction behavior around food know that food does not bring you into a higher state of consciousness it's very much rooting you into this physical earth plane and it can be it can be something that's very addictive people with binge eating disorders are it can be really challenging to break and

52:53it's very much a it's a lower type of instinct same with sex the more you start feeding that sexual impulse and desire and instinct it very much counter acts all of your higher instincts and all you have to do is be honest with yourself for about five seconds there might have been times in your life where life was going really good the job was good you're on top of the world you were going to the gym you really had it all together and then what did you do oh did you destroy all of your progress over a boy or girl respectively because you probably did most of you did that in your 20s maybe early 30s why because your sexual impulses took hold of you like a tiny addict and little by little you stopped caring about all these other things because you basically became a wild ravenous sexual animal I'm saying right now that is a great blueprint for what could really happen

53:56to anybody at any phase of life it's more likely to happen to human beings one year young before you're like whoa we can't ever do that again but that really that same architecture holds anywhere if you keep leaning into those sexual impulses it is a very rapidly augmenting scale of what you start to seek out and want to do and it will always be rooted to some sort of chemical biochemical escalation and it likely will pull you away from the flowers in your life that you probably consciously sitting here today very much want to build because I believe at the core human beings need to have a sense of purpose and utility in life and purpose and utility are typically coming from those higher order instincts like who am I what do I have to offer to the world what am I good at how can I serve people those things are all in direct opposition to

55:00like how quickly can I get off or how good of an orgasm can I have right now they're just opposites one's gonna take you straight down to the bits of hell just kidding um one's going to take you into those lower animalistic instincts and then the other one is going to help you elevate into a quality of life that actually can sustain you for the whole I've never seen people that are very much ruled by their sexual impulses have a lot of clarity and sustainability around their sense of purpose and utility in fact quite the opposite people don't have a really strong sense of purpose and utility often end up getting into fights with their spouse because sex is kind of like a like at different phases I could kind of take it early but like life is so good and I'm so filled up by who I get to be in the world and who I get to serve and what I get to create and do that you end up being more into those sort of like higher order thinking skills which can even cut you off I think from some of the sexual impulses and I do realize you know all the people that are

56:05here from a longevity biohacking perspective are like well but you're supposed to have sexual impulse it's a it's a sign of longevity I get you I do I get you I'm just saying I have seen and worked with so many high performers throughout my career when you are really deeply rooted in your purpose and your utility and you have a spiritual connection sexual impulses do not rule your day to day life at all and if they do there's probably some brain pattern origins of that that might need to be I don't know sorted through so now let's dive into the role that role playing positioning power dynamics etc play into sexual fantasy because we've talked a little bit about broadly obviously we haven't gone in depth into sort of the BDSM and kink but even things like shifting power dynamics and role play they ultimately still come from a brain pattern origin

57:08example of how this could play out would be somebody who might really be a people pleaser in their life and they kind of withhold and they're kind of weakened a mirror in their day to day life maybe they get a lot out of dominating somebody in their sexual relationship or vice versa there's a lot of evidence that suggests that men who are you know very overtly controlling and dominating actually like to be dominated by other people I'm all I could immediately think of is the TV show billions funny ones watch that all of the practitioners in training and our break method practitioner training have to watch two seasons of that because we do brain pattern analysis for all the characters and the whole show the whole thing the very opening scene is this woman quite literally peeing on the US attorney of the southern district of New York because he's into that so you see this person that has like loves the power power hungry right like very self-centered

58:14and that's that's his jam that is very common right so there's this idea of opposition right like and it goes back to this idea of the pendulum swing like who I really am not I like to pretend to be sexually because that does something for me right there's a there's something there because chemically it's exhilarating it would be exhilarating just like you know getting a little bit drunk or smoking a cigarette or smoking weed right it takes you out of your normal state and I think it's really important for us to remember that these states that make us attracted to something like this if resolved if you really truly resolved the underlying structures that cause you to crave this or be attracted to this you would not only not be attracted to anyone you'd actively be repulsed by it there is something called synaptic pruning that we know about from neuroscience

59:16and the way this works is that that what you do repeatedly starts to become prioritized and hard-wired that what you don't do starts to actually get pruned off it gets cut off it's like oh we don't use this anymore which is kind of going with this idea if you don't use it you lose it if you keep leaning into these sexual desires and you're like this is just who I am this makes me feel good so and so influencer said this is how I tap into my creativity or I unlock my one million dollar month bleep bleep blah blah whatever then what are you doing well glad you asked through synaptic pruning and obviously just what we know about with neuroplasticity you're actually increasing the likelihood that you will continue to escalate in this way whereas if you were to put on the brakes and you're like whoa so and so influencer just tricked me into thinking that this sort of increasing sexual behavior and sexual exploration will somehow

1:00:20unlock my hundred K months in my online course maybe I should put the brakes on and see actually this whole thing is rooted into a earlier childhood pattern and this is actually starting to destroy my intimate life with my husband and it's changing my whole personality maybe I should put the brakes on if you start to pull yourself out of that well guess what synaptic pruning is going to work for you and you will recover and I think that's something that's important for people to understand is if you are intentional and consistent you can recover and encode a new behavior just as quickly as you can accidentally encode and make more automatic a bad behavior and this goes back to that idea of weeds versus flowers are you pruning a flower or are you pruning a wheat which one are you going to do because your brain body connection are they're going to do it you can't prevent yourself from doing it it's going to happen so are you going to intentionally focus on flowers and synaptically prune off weeds or are you going to let so and so

1:01:26YouTube account influencer book convince you to completely unravel your marriage and start to prune off flowers choices yours you gotta be careful because synaptic pruning is not inherently good what you do and do more of you will do more of and what you stop doing and you are consistent intentional with that it will become less of an automatic instinctive response to do that and it will be easier to do something opposite push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that's high performance loving iconic spaces that inspire personal training backed by real data unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and pilates to strength and conditioning elevate your post performance ritual with sonas steam rooms cold plunges and more everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com ultra running shoes are all about space the space to go further to feel better to do something you

1:02:36never thought possible in this space starts with ultra fit unlike traditional running shoes ultra fit gives toes more room to move naturally so every step is strong balanced and comfortable whatever you're leasing up for stay out there with ultra shop now at ultra running dot com that's a l t r a running dot com one of the things that i think is also really important here and it's why we go so deep into this in module three of break method is somebody could look at how their brain pattern impacts their communication their parenting their marital life their career right you could look in all these different places and if we leave sexual fantasy and sexual desire off on the side because we're like that's taboo we don't really want to talk about that you run the risk of actually going out of your way to create rewiring strategy in all these other areas but if you keep letting that one area run that pattern over and over again in the background because you just

1:03:37decided that's taboo we don't really want to talk about that that one area can uproot the whole system guess what because of synaptic pruning and neuroplasticity if i don't as a behavior shout out if i don't capture every single area and make sure rewiring is impacting all of these areas simultaneously we run the risk that the one stone that you left unturned ruins the whole attempt because that is really the way it works and these patterns will find sneaky sinister ways too hide i have seen this hide in dream scape okay so it's gonna find a way to try to survive it's our job and obviously we do this in break method to make sure that we leave no stone unturned in pursuit of your sustainable emotional rewiring because many of you know what flowers you want to grow but you're not watering your garden or you're not even planting the seeds of those flowers or you're only watering your weeds we have to understand more about the brain's role in what we're

1:04:43prioritizing and what we're allowing and i'm telling you for sure sexual desire and fantasy can absolutely derail any other emotional mental health behavioral work that you do if you just decide that has nothing to do with this because it actually has everything to do with it because when you're having sex guess what's still there your brain guess what's still there your nervous system guess what's still there all of your assumptions all of your perception of reality all of your emotional homeostasis and all the biochemistry that you're addicted to so if you're addicted to a sort of fear shame duality you probably play that out in your sexual relationships why because of everything we've been talking about if you're the kind of person that needs to mentally check out and not even really be with your partner while you're with your partner to be in some sort of fantasy there is probably a early childhood behavioral mechanism that predisposed you to protect yourself through fantasy and if you just let that keep happening will you ever truly

1:05:48build deeper more vulnerable intimate connection with your partner no might they not have realized that that's what's happening maybe they didn't usually people kind of know and if you own it and you actually say like hey I really want to get over this and I want to stop doing it that's one of the things that you can learn how to do and break method those are things that you can actually learn how to do you are not a victim or a slave to your sexual desires and fantasy you can learn how to rewire them just like you can learn how to rewire not being an angry a whole or not binge eating or not smoking etc so I think it's important when we're thinking about sex the goal shouldn't be just to have an orgasm right and I think big picture if I look at and this is part of a lecture that we teach in break method I think often our natural sexual curiosity as children it creates a much more organic pathway to connecting idea to physical sensation and if done

1:06:57correctly we don't have all these other sort of like wicked dark overly explicit sexual images that were then trying to act out with that a lot of times touch can just be touch or touch can be like touch with my heart fluttering and I don't I'm not thinking of this as sexual just I'm connecting kind of more sensation to my heart fluttering or whatever I think of at that age as love for a lot of kids these days that whole process is completely uprooted because the kid is implanted with porn first so then by the time they're having any of the connection to physical touch the priming of porn is already introduced so that just totally disrupts the entire natural process which is so sad so I think because of that interruption that's happened a lot of people are just like sex is about an orgasm and I just like you know everything's about seeking out that that sort of orgasm and I think big picture it's important for us to remember that it should be if you're looking at it from a biblical spiritual or just at any sort of like higher connection sense it's supposed to be

1:08:03about two becoming one right it's supposed to be about true unification and connection with your partner it's not supposed to be about something animalistic and throw away like our exposure to porn has allowed us to start to enact there at one point was an innocence that was rooted into it that we very much lost which I think is really quite sad so obviously whatever you can do for your children to try to keep that innocence intact maybe we'll do a whole separate episode for that you should do that but you know for some of you your kids are older and that ship has sailed as it has for many of our kids I know my sons have got exposed to porn and fourth grade I think I've told that whole story on here before and we chose to parent around that really intentionally because that's not something that you want to just let slide and be like oh this is awkward let's just not talk about it so I think the way we parented around that snare actually really sets up up for success but a lot of times you don't end up finding out about it I just I know my son's

1:09:08behavior well enough that it took me all five minutes and I was like you got exposed to porn didn't you I could just see I saw it in his face so not some of your kids might be better at hiding than my son is my son is not going to hiding anything but so some of you might not have had that opportunity to correct we can definitely do and and we do talk about this in break method how to correct and pattern oppose for some of those things but I think big picture it is really important for us to maybe reinstill for ourselves a book or explore what do we believe the purpose of intimacy is what is its purpose in your life in your marriage in your relationship is it really just about something animalistic like that or is it supposed to be about something more and have your childhood experiences or what you've been exposed to on Instagram or YouTube or porn or what have you shifted that where you've lost sight of what that's supposed to be what role has these sort of

1:10:10like cascading images of hyper sexualized information what what is that what roles that played and maybe breaking apart what intimate connection was supposed to be about because I think for a lot of us the whole idea of what intimacy even is supposed to be about has to maybe be completely deconstructed and I know many people especially as I mentioned in kind of the sexual liberation tantric community I think they weave the two together in a way that is ultimately harmful and I'm not trying to pick on those two you know I'm just trying to make clear that depending on what you're pursuing with intimacy it's the same thing with you know if you're skiing where you look you will go if you're wake surfing where your eyes go your shoulders goes where you will go what is it that you're looking toward intimacy what sort of belief are you

1:11:15looking toward intimacy with because that is where you will go and I think many people get let us stray via belief so the trajectory that follows can be really destructive I've seen a lot of people destroy their families and marriages over following a couple of the wrong Instagram accounts and I've even seen this happen with people in you know yoga practice and things like that sexuality it can absolutely be like a hungry hungry hippo and if you feed it a little bit and suddenly wants to take over your whole entire life so we have to be really careful about who you're following what are you consuming do you actually go through your Instagram account or youtube or whatever does that you're consuming podcasts and ever just stop yourself and be like whoa what did I consume this week and did what I consume feed my weeds or my flowers and hey maybe can you even articulate to me what flowers you're trying to have grow in your life right now I think not often enough do

1:12:19we stop and actually think about what are we really trying to orient our life to achieve right now and if you're not really aware of that it can be harder to make good decisions moment to moment about what we should be feeding or starving and many of you probably need to give your old Instagram or algorithm or search history a little cleanup maybe go in there and weed because if you have a relationship that you're trying to cultivate and you want to be close and you want to be connected and unified and you want a solid marriage a lot of these weeds have to go a lot of what you consume has to go and it's so common in our society to be like well but everybody does it does that mean that it's helping no just because something's normal doesn't mean that it's beneficial to you as a human being I want to drop one more item on here and we might need to make this into a two part because there's so much more to say on this topic but I do also just want to

1:13:24drop in here that we clearly have a massive obsession with sexualizing youth and as somebody who works day in day out with survivors of sexual abuse that makes me really upset it also scares me and I think we need to be very mindful of participating in that I mean even if you go back to this idea of like cosmetic surgery and aesthetics like everyone's just trying to look young and look so young that it's like what are we doing here we're we're basically priming men in particular but also women but you know from a sexual desire impulse side we're priming men to increasingly desire youth I think there's some other sinister darker reasons for that but it is just like where your categories it's like oh we thought you'd like this since you liked this maybe you'll like this it is a road that leads nowhere good when you're part of a culture that starts to eroticize

1:14:27increasingly younger looking women and aesthetics like this exposure over time is going to lead to a cascade of problems and if I'm talking to you and you're a man listening to this right now this might be your sign to be like hey I need to social media fast hey I need to delete these accounts hey I have to block these things I've got to cleanse my algorithm today it might be the day that you're here listening to me putting your hand up and saying hey I actually do want to save my marriage and I do want an actual healthy sex life with my wife so maybe today's the day that I delete these accounts because just again because something's common or normal or it's everywhere doesn't mean that it is benefiting you at all at all I feel like polyamory has a whole other episode that we need to do with it but broad strokes what I want to talk about regarding polyamory and kind of this intersection of spiritual seeking communities sex magic um tantra etc I've worked with

1:15:32so many clients who have come to me either it actively in a polyamorous relationship or trying to recover from a polyamorous relationship gone terribly wrong in break mad and this very common I've even had clients who were in a polyamorous relationship were one of the people committed suicide over the mental harm and coercion and abuse that took place in a polyamorous relationship and like I said this deserves a whole other episode so I'm going to glaze over it but I promise I will do a whole separate episode about this there are some really clear brain pattern dynamics that end up getting pulled into polyamory and I think big picture what I want to drill home to you today and I really believe what I'm telling you and again this is my belief I really believe this to my core personally the only way to let a relationship an intimate relationship truly transform you heal you be a ground for experimentation and rewiring right to better yourself to

1:16:38to lean into those sort of higher instincts rather than those lower instincts has to be a committed not completely monogamous relationship without that there are too many areas of gray that allow enough non-commitment for you never have to actually to change or to fully be vulnerable or fully committed there is so much to learn in an intimate relationship by having your back against the wall where you are all in and I can tell you definitively at my pattern type is much more one where I am hyperindependent I can do things on my own I don't need anybody so almost all of my relationships accept my husband Gordon I've always had a backup plan or been like 10 feet out the door and I always knew like I'd be fine on my own I've never been 100% fully committed in a relationship my whole life until my relationship with my husband why because I I didn't know

1:17:40then what I know now you can't know the depth of break method and brain patterns that have been this immersed in the data of how our childhood influences impact our adult outcomes and then just turn a blind eye to it eventually you have to face it and eventually I did face it and I finally had a partner who knew the same and was willing to meet me in that place and there is so much radical transformation and emotional learning and emotional growth and spiritual growth and love that can bud from a place of all in no questions asked commitment without that there's always a back door there's always an escape hatch there's always there's always a way to never fully face it or fully own it period that is my number one reason among so many others that I personally think that polyamorous relationships are an absolute disastrous nightmare for the evolution of humanity and just

1:18:44individual people and their hearts and minds and souls and spirits it almost always descends into complete and utter toxic chaos now I'm not saying that from a place of judgment if you're listening to this and that is a lifestyle that you live and choose to enact like I said I love human beings regardless so I can love and respect you for all the decisions that you made and be totally cool with that I'm also always going to be honest and say that I have seen way too many clients who have been irrevocably harmed by getting pulled into the sort of polynonconforming community and I think with that you know the shadow work medicine journey they all tend to cluster like a bunch of snakes roughing around each other into a total toxic soup of doom and with that I would also throw in kind of the ethical slutting feeding your shadow etc it all all roads lead to ultimately the same place and I really truly believe many people that were once in the sort of like repressed

1:19:49Christian legalism eventually pendulum swing into all the things we've just been talking about eventually to pop out of that and be like oh my god what was I doing well my dear you were pendulum swinging from one to the other and there is actually a middle ground where you can heal you can oppose your pattern intentionally without pendulum swinging and you can become a healed whole person that actually knows how to show love and be loved in return to be committed and to be committed in return to be vulnerable and to be vulnerable in return these are things that do not coexist with sexual liberation as a whole they just don't are you closer to and more liberated sexually with the partner who you are deeply committed to and connected to of course but I would bet and I've seen this time and time again when you really get to that place a lot of the things that might go more in the category of of kink or fantasy they actually are things that

1:20:53will eventually start to discuss you because you realize that is playing a role it's like playing around with it because it's still in the fantasy realm because it's trying to mask something that I don't feel or give me some sort of personal controller manipulation or validation when you've actually done it the right way in the right order and you get to that place I believe you eventually arrive back at what I believe God originally designed for us about sexual connection which is for two to become one flesh and it's not something that should be taken lightly and it's not something that we should just flippantly throw around in society and you know convinced kids doesn't matter be giving you know poor like middle school kids super visually sexually explicit books I just it that kind of stuff breaks my heart when you understand how priming works kids don't need to know that one of the best things that we can do for kids is to try to protect as much of their innocence as we can without bubble wrapping them and trying to

1:21:59deceive them as if the world isn't the world right you the goal is how do I how do I show up honestly with my kids that they understand like what's out there and what's happening in the world but you also preserve their personal innocence and you also give them an opportunity to fight for their own innocence not lie to your kid and you know force them to wear a promise ring and be like if you ever do this you're gonna go to hell and it maybe you believe that and I think that's totally fine and I'm not trying to mock that I'm simply saying that might not be the strategy that actually gets your child to want to remain a virgin for the right reasons maybe trying to get your kid to save themselves for marriage in a way that is healthy is to not use fear coercion but instead to be like hey if I could go back and do it all over again you know here here's what I believe and here's why and like I want you to be able to talk to me about it those are the types of conversations that I believe really need to happen with kids on this topic because far too often

1:23:04we do wanted the other to tie it up for the bow we do it my parents did which I think was absolutely destructive or it could have gone the other way and it could have been like all the Christian homeschool kids that I had to help pick up the pieces that were dealing with you know trans identity issues and you know identifying with multiple personalities and going by multiple names and art you know being like 17 and having like 50 sexual partners already both sides are not where we want to be as a society we we have to do better and doing better for you if you're listening to this in your parent probably means starting with this process on your own first understanding where you land and what weeds have to go and what flowers you're trying to cultivate so that you can then figure out how do I help my children grow those flowers how do I help protect the younger generations from where things seem to be going right now because they're going there quickly and if we don't

1:24:06actually step up and do something either in our own personal lives or in the communities that we have influenced over I fear we're going to keep pendulum swinging and as a society we're just going to slip off of the transhumanist hyper sexualized agenda and I for one want absolutely nothing to do with that and refuse to let that be the future that my kids have to experience so what are you gonna do are you going to just keep consuming a bunch of content that's feeding weeds or you're going to figure out what flowers you actually want to grow in your garden and start to cut some things off the choice is yours I'll see you guys next week push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that's high performance loving everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com