Sibling CONTINUED to inform EVERYONE that her spouse despised our family GATHERINGS, yet

I hope you enjoy this story.

Sibling continued to inform everyone that her spouse despised our family gatherings,

yet when I approached him, he was completely clueless about the situation.

It became apparent that she was fabricating everything.

Up.

Hello everyone.

I.

26F.

Live in a small town with a lot of family.

Ants, uncles, cousins, grandparents, basically everyone related to me lives here.

My sister Lilia, 28F, married her husband Sean, 31M, last year.

I don't know him very well, but I don't have a problem with him either.

Every other weekend, my mom will host a party-type thing for the whole family.

There's food, decorations, music, etc.

Everyone has a blast.

A few months ago, my sister started acting kind of strange at these parties.

Her husband isn't a very social person from what I can tell.

He usually stands off to the side, sometimes without food.

Lilia started making comments, usually to our immediate family, but sometimes to anyone

who listen.

About how Sean thinks the decorations look tacky or Sean thinks the music is too loud.

At first it was basically harmless, but the comments got worse and worse.

She started saying things like that outside of family parties, too.

The weekend before last, she made small talk for a while before saying, hmm, Sean doesn't

look like he's having a good time.

I don't think he likes the food very much.

I can't really blame him, we don't usually eat at low-class restaurants like yours.

Her comments always pissed me off, but this pushed me pretty hard.

My mom works really hard to make delicious food for these parties.

She's a chef at Olive Garden.

I guess my mom could tell I was getting upset, so she pulled me aside and told me not say

anything to Lilia, that it wasn't a big, stuff like that.

I respected her wishes, even though I really wanted to stand up for her.

Last week, Lilia called and said Sean's best friend is getting married.

I'm a wedding planner, and she wants me to plan the wedding.

I said sure, this weekend, Sean's best friend and his fiance had a joint bachelor and

bachelor at party.

Lilia is a bridesmaid.

She invited me to come along so I could meet the bride and groom, and probably officially

become their wedding planner.

When I arrived at the club, Lilia immediately grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the bathroom.

She said, Sean isn't happy.

No one will take you seriously as a wedding planner if you dress like a slut.

You embarrassed him, and now, the groom, will blame him for recommending a shitty planner.

I had enough of her at that point.

It felt like she was just using Sean as an excuse to voice her own opinions.

I said, if Sean thinks I'm a shitty wedding planner for dressing normally for a damn club,

he can get the groom a new wedding planner.

I walked out and went home.

Ada?

Update 1, October 24, 2024.

Okay, here's the update.

Thank you everyone for your great comments and advice.

I ended up inviting Sean and Lilia out to lunch.

Lilia was still a little upset that I had dressed like a slut at the club, but mostly things

went fine.

Before we left, I asked Sean if he thought my outfit at the club was inappropriate.

He said no.

I asked if thought my mother's cooking was bad.

He said no again, this time he looked more confused.

Before I could ask him about another comment, Lilia grabbed his arm and pulled him up.

She said they had to go.

Sean looked even more confused and told Lilia he wanted to hear what I was going to ask

next.

She looked visibly angry, and after I asked him if he thought the decorations were tacky

Lilia said, if you're not coming, I'm leaving without you.

She ran to the car before either of us could stop her.

Sean was really confused now and asked why I thought he didn't like the food, etc.

I told him the whole story of how Lilia was telling me and my immediate family he was

saying rude things.

He looked completely shocked now.

He said he never said any of those things, and that he thinks the parties are wonderful.

He explained he's just a little antisocial and gets nervous around people he doesn't

know well, which I totally get.

He apologized if anything he did was offensive, but I said there was no need for an apology.

I gave him a ride home, Lilia took off with her car.

When we got there my sister's car wasn't in the driveway.

I went to my mom's house next to drop off some stuff I had for her in the car.

When I got there, Lilia's car was parked outside.

She was sitting at the dining table crying, and my mom was doing her best comfort her.

When my sister saw me, she started crying even harder.

I sat down and waited until she could calm down.

When she finally did, I gently asked why she was saying all those things.

Lilia said, I don't know.

To make you hate him, I guess.

My mom asked why she wanted us to hate him.

She kept replying to our questions with I don't know before admitting the truth.

She said she'd been feeling jealous since our brother Eric got married.

She felt like he was getting all the attention, especially when his wife announced her pregnancy.

She also said Eric was always the golden child growing up, and she wanted people to notice

her justice once.

I never thought he was the golden child.

In fact Lilia seemed to be favored over him, but maybe I was too wrapped up in my own

stuff to notice.

My sister decided to stir up some drama to get the attention back on her.

She used Sean, because no one in the family knew him very well and it was easy because

he doesn't interact with a lot of people.

She claimed she wanted the attention so badly, even if it was negative.

She wanted to see how far we'd let her go before one of us snapped.

After a long talk, she promised never to do anything like this again, and admitted she

mostly did all this out of resentment toward Eric for always stealing the spotlight.

My mom promised to pay more attention to her, and she apologized if she ever made Lilia

feel like Eric was better than her.

We all hugged it out.

Earlier tonight, Lilia called me and said she and Sean were going to try couple's therapy,

and she was going to get individual therapy for herself.

I said I was happy for her and she can come to me if she ever needs anything.

I guess that's it.

I'll update again if anything else happens.

Comments where OP has replied, comment her one.

Dang.

Personally, I would never trust Lilia with anything ever again especially because she

craved attention so much she didn't care if it made her partner, a man she supposedly

loves, into the bad guy.

What's stopping her from doing that to any one of you if she could do that to the man she

made vows with?

My mom promised to pay more attention to her, and she apologized if she ever made Lilia

feel like Eric was better than her.

I don't really like this response to be honest.

Lilia straight up admitted she wanted people to hate Sean for no reason and she gets rewarded

with love and more attention.

Oop.

My mom has stage 4 cancer, and we don't know how much longer she'll be here.

I completely understand wanting this all to just be over and cherishing the time she has

is left with her daughter.

But in a different situation, I 100% agree that this wouldn't be a great response.

Comment her two.

Is Lilia the middle child?

Boop.

No.

She's the oldest.

Eric is the middle child.

Comment her three.

Honestly OP, if I were you I'd give your sister some LC space.

Because she's acted horribly to all of you and at her poor husband's expense.

All because she didn't have enough attention.

She needs help and you need to stay away from her for a bit.

She's just drama at this point.

You can still be there for your mom while keeping low contact with your sister.

Stop making excuses for her.

Oop.

I would, but I think a lot of this was caused by mom's declining health.

I want to be there for all of my family if the worst were to happen.

My mom wants all of to be there for her as a family.

If I went low contact, it would really hurt my mom and cause other damage to the family.

I also think this is just Lilia's way of dealing with the grief of possibly losing

our mom.

It doesn't excuse her behavior of course, but I can't go low contact now when she needs

me.

Update two.

October 25th, 2024.

Hi again.

I wanted to give a mini update and answer some questions I've seen in the comments.

I am 26, Eric is 27, and Lilia is 28.

I didn't end up planning Sean's best friend's wedding.

I found out the wedding is in two weeks, and they were scrambling to put everything together,

confirm everything, even book some things last minute.

So no, I didn't take that job.

I am not trying to justify Lilia's actions in any way.

I agree that she really needs therapy.

I'm just trying to help people understand why I'm not going no contact with her.

First, there's our mom.

If I personally wanted to cut contact with her, our mom is cancer.

She wants us to be together as a family for her, and I respect that.

Also, I would love someone who's cut off a family member to comment and explain how it

all went.

Especially someone who lives in the same town as a lot of family.

My hunch is, it's not easy.

I probably should have put this in the original post, but I'm saying it now.

My father died when I was 19 in a bad car crash.

Lilia was really close to him.

My sister has been my best friend since I was born.

That's not something I want to throw away over one incident.

Yes, it was wrong.

Yes, I am angry at her.

Yes, it will take a long time for me to trust her again, but I still love her.

She's done so much for me.

Punched someone who was bullying me in the face.

Worked double shifts to help with my tuition.

Never once left my side when I suspected my ex was stalking me.

And that's just a name of few.

I don't think she's a terrible person.

I think she screwed up out of fear for our mom and the trauma of losing our dad.

The jealousy part could also be true.

She's always been a very jealous person.

It will take time for me to forgive her, but I think we can work things out.

Now onto the mini update.

I spoke with mom today.

She's also angry at Lilia, of course, but she wants to keep the peace at least until

her time comes.

She said conspiratorially at the next party, Sean's going to pull Lilia set on her.

Half joking, though it would be funny if it really happens.

I spoke to Sean too.

He's the angriest out of us, but he said he loves her and is going to try to work things

out.

They start couples therapy on Saturday, and Lilia starts individual therapy tomorrow.

I wished him the best.

Next story, family boycotted my wedding after my fiance refused to ask my dad's permission

to marry me.

Now I'm pregnant with their first grandchild and they're making demands.

Hi, guys.

I've been with my boyfriend, M25, for three years.

We both just finished school and are finally ready for marriage.

He proposed last week and I happily said yes.

I could not be happier.

I love him and he is going to be an awesome dad someday.

But my BF is very new school and my dad is kind of old school.

My dad was beyond mad that my boyfriend did not ask my dad for my hand before proposing.

My dad said he was willing to hear my boyfriend's apology if my boyfriend formally asks for

my hand at a dinner that my dad said he will pay for at the restaurant of my boyfriend's

choosing.

My dad feels like he is being very accommodating.

He will bring my boyfriend's favorite wine to celebrate.

I spoke to my boyfriend last night and he won't budge.

He doesn't believe in that tradition.

My boyfriend showed me an article online where a Pakistani woman was stoned to death outside

a courthouse because she married a man against her family's wishes.

This just happened.

My boyfriend who witnessed his father be abusive slash possessive with his mom as a child

has always felt strongly that women are not property.

He thinks the tradition of asking for her hat is repulsive.

His point is that he's met my whole family and gotten to know them.

He says they have always known his intentions and he never made its secret that he was in

love with me and wanted to marry me and have children.

He feels he was done enough to announce his intentions and all of them seem to approve

of him.

He says that at this point he only needs my approval to marry him and nobody else's.

So yesterday my mom told me that my dad who is not even speaking to me because I won't

set my foot down with my boyfriend is calling the whole family and telling them to not attend

my wedding.

My mom says that my boyfriend is the one treating me like property by not letting me have

a say in his decision to not observe a tradition that my two older sisters husbands observed.

I told my mother that I understand where my boyfriend is coming from and that I have

decided to do away with the tradition of him asking for my hand.

So my mother is obviously mad and said that I should be ready for serious consequences.

I asked her what and she would not say.

But from talking to my sister she said that they would blackball us from all family gatherings.

My two sisters and my mom have told me my boyfriend is being selfish.

The wedding is set for August 9th.

I'm worried that nobody in my family will attend my wedding.

Edit, I'm getting some comments about my boyfriend asking for my parents blessing instead

of permission or hand.

I just can't see the difference.

There might be one but I don't see it.

Is there a big difference?

Comments where op has replied, boop, thanks for the congrats and comment.

I was just thinking as I read some comments here.

One comment said that my parents should not have staged the boycott either way.

So maybe the boycott signals something more than just my father wanting to be included

in some way.

I don't know.

I'm now worried that the boycott and calling all my relatives signals more controlling issues

that my dad has that I never noticed before.

My two older sisters had no problems with their wedding because they did everything the way

my dad liked.

So, I'm scared now that maybe my boyfriend is right that it's not just a tradition.

Tilda, deleted, my dad feels like he is being very accommodating.

No, both he and your mother are being controlling.

And they are attempting to make you choose between your fiance and them.

Choose your fiance, otherwise you're setting precedent for this type of behavior slash interference

for the rest of your marijoupe, this is what I'm afraid of.

My fiance and I don't practice Catholic religion like my family does.

So I wonder what will happen when my kids aren't baptized and all that update.

The wedding went on as planned.

My parents stuck to their guns and boycotted.

One of my two sisters attended and is now happily blacklisted from our family.

Nobody else from my entire family showed up including my two brothers.

The wedding was a little unconventional.

My sister walked my husband down the aisle and then his sister walked me down the aisle.

I wanted this because my still actually introduced us and helped me get my first date with him.

There was no question about who gives away the bride or even about objections.

It was normal other than that.

There has been no contact between me and my family, other than my one sister.

My mother has made it a point to send me a card every time that they have a family gathering

for holidays or birthdays at their house to let me know that my father says I'm not invited.

I get one almost every month.

I don't even read them anymore I just toss them.

I don't why they keep sending them because I've made no effort to contact them and I live

over three hours away so it's not like I will run into them by accident.

The reason I came back to post this here is because some people here made a prediction

that came true that they would come crawling back when we had children.

I am now expecting our first child, a girl smile.

She will be the first grandchild for my parents.

My parents found out about the pregnancy a few months ago through a family friend.

They didn't waste any time in making demands, not requests, demands.

My boyfriend and I are not religious but I had a Catholic upbringing.

I don't practice at all by choice.

My mother called me back in April telling me that my father wanted our daughter's middle

name to be his mother's first name.

I said no.

My father was listening and on speaker so I went ahead and told them that they were officially

uninvited from all birthdays, graduations, and any other important dates in her life.

My father called me half an hour later crying and begging me to come stay with them for

the birth so my mother could care for me.

I said no.

He also said that he had already made arrangements for his priest could baptize her at his church

but that I needed to agree to naming her after his mother if I wanted this to happen.

He said he'd already planned a big celebration for the birth and the baptism that he was

paying for.

I said no to all of it.

He went from meekly trying to sweet talk me to raising his voice at me and I hung up.

He called a couple of more times to apologize for losing his temper and again begged me to

reconsider giving birth at a hospital near them so they could visit us.

He denied having any knowledge of my mother sending me cards to uninvite us to any family

functions and even said that he specifically asked her to invite us but he was told I declined

every time.

He lets my mom do the dirty work so he can later hide behind her and deny he had any

knowledge.

He's done this since I was a little girl.

He does this every time he wants to drop the hammer on somebody but be the good cop also.

He'll never change.

He denied having any knowledge of why anybody in the family missed my wedding.

I told him our daughter would not be baptized or Catholic at all, no offense to Catholics.

I told him he was too manipulative and controlling and I didn't want my daughter exposed to that.

He's too toxic and just venomous.

Coincidentally, the day and for several days after that phone call I got tons of calls

and emails from my brothers, their wives, my sister, and all my aunts.

They all wanted to apologize for missing my wedding and all had specific excuses and wanted

to make plans to be there for my daughter's birth.

I banned them all from her life until she's old enough to decide for herself to let them

in.

My husband was a little surprised and not sure about banning everybody forever.

He's more leaning towards supervised visits if they want to drive to us.

My dad has been calling him like crazy but we are a united front.

My husband is deferring to me but giving me ideas as to how I can give a little if I decide

to.

But with my family there's no giving a little.

They want it all.

For now, they're all banned.

I will reconsider when the youngest of our children turns 18 smile.

For now my dad will have to settle for sucking up to my husband while I stick to my gun.

Unlike him, I don't mind owning my decisions even if it means I'm bad cop.

I'm not ready to give up a relatively drama free, stress-free life to allow my dad and

all his sheep back into our lives.

Comments where Op has replied, downvoted commenter, he should have just done such a small

task and asked, like to make peace, jeez, I mean really pushing your family away for

such a stupid reason.

On their side and yours.

Oop, but that's the thing.

After that one small task they would want to name my daughter, another small task, then

they would ask I go have the baby near them, another small task, then have her baptized

by their priest, then they pick her school, then they make life decisions for her like they

tried with me and my siblings, all small tasks.

Oop replying to a downvoted comment that things have gone too far and to make amends for their

daughter, I guess I would tell you that not everything fits in the oversimplification

in your comment.

My daughter will be better off without a full family of manipulative, controlling, and

abusive people, or people who condone such behavior.

After years of abuse I was glad my husband decided my dad's demand that he asked permission

to marry me was too antiquated.

The original conflict that caused this rift was years of abuse and manipulation.

I chose to burn bridges that needed to go.

Otherwise I would never be free to make my own decisions about my own live without consulting

with my dad at every turn.