Sibling REFERRED to my foster child as a error during her PRE-WEDDING CELEBRATION.

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I hope you enjoy the story.

Sibling referred to my foster child as an error during her pre-wedding celebration.

Subsequently, I discovered that she has been covertly harassing her and conveying to her

that we will forsake her once we have legitimate.

Kids.

Hi, guys.

I, F32, Diana, and the eldest of five siblings, and I've taken on the role of the family caretaker

for as long as I can remember. I helped our parents until they're passing, and, frankly,

it's exhausting. Dad died of brain cancer three years ago, and it was heartbreaking to watch him

deteriorate over time, and mom passed peacefully overnight after a long hard battle with breast cancer

earlier this year. So as the oldest, I just sort of became the de facto parent.

I don't mind as I love my siblings, and it's kind of my thing to big sister friends and family a lot.

I'm sort of ship's counselor, and I financially help out my family.

I don't mind, as I work in tech, have a side gig doing art, an inherited land and money from

mom and dad all that to say it's no real loss. A few years ago, I adopted my cousin's Charlie

M45 child who I will just use her nickname Decker. My baby loves kickboxing. After my cousin

went to prison for murdering the Decker's mother in an alcohol and drug-fueled rage,

which is too long a story to add here. It was a chaotic year of mourning, paperwork and court

hearings, but the adoption was finalized when the Decker was five. Now, she's a happy, healthy 13-year-old

who calls me mom. She's in therapy, and has been since I legally could send her as she witnessed

her mother's death, and I couldn't be prouder of how resilient she is. She's my girl,

my rock star, my whole heart, and I call her that, literally my heart. Fast forward to my sisters,

Clara, F30, upcoming wedding. I was thrilled for her at first, and she asked me to be M.O.

I cried and joy and offered for my wife Honey, because we like the incredible LOL, F40, and I to

pay for it. Don't worry I asked Honey first, but during a bachelor at dinner I set up. She made a

hurtful comment about my daughter, calling her a mistake and saying I shouldn't have taken her in.

I stared at her and asked her what she meant, and she said it wasn't like I was supposed to

even have kids, as I am married to another woman, then said no hate or anything and left,

but then she doubled down that Decker is likely damaged and a handful.

Guys, Decker is the sweetest child alive. I mean she is a teen so yeah sometimes she can get

challenging or rebellious here or there, but when I say she is my whole heart, I mean it.

She made us a family, and made our house a home. She smiles easy, cries openly and has the

emotional intelligence I wish I had myself. She always asks how are you doing? And she really

means it, willing to listen to people. But she's a damaged mistake. I felt like a character in a

dark, twisted episode of a sci-fi show, defending my choice to adopt felt like fighting the

Borg, like I just wouldn't assimilate. I didn't laugh it off with my sister and her friends.

I just stared at her in pure disbelief. I think she knew I was hurt because she quickly changed

the subject. I said I better get home, paid for everything in three more rounds and went home to

my family. My sister came over the next day to yell at me for leaving and cutting them off

after the three rounds I paid for. She said I owe her a do-over for ruining the whole weekend

because I can't take a joke. Honey, who I of course told what happened, asked my sister to repeat

exactly what she said about our daughter. My sister refused and kept calling Decker Charlie's

child and I just was holding back so many tears. I told my sister that I wouldn't be contributing

a dime to her wedding expenses, that I won't stop helping her pay her rent up until she moves in

with her husband, but I won't be in or pay for the wedding of a person who sees my child as a

mistake. Honestly, I was ready to go full on Jedi and sever that connection but Honey helped me

temper myself. My sister lost it, through the can of soda water we gave her at me,

screened how am I supposed to pay for this? And I said, you have over a year, you can save up.

So left, showing Honey out of the way in the process and blew up our sibling group chat.

My other siblings are split. Some think I'm overreacting with cutting off funds for the wedding,

while others agree that my sister crossed a line and needed the wake-up call.

Now, I feel bad for my sister, I do love her and she is distressed by this, but I can't shake the

feeling that standing up for my daughter is more important. I'd offer refusing to pay for her

wedding after that. Edit, I've been working on my work project at a local brewery and have been

silently sobbing and reading the comments. Also, wow so many comments. I was trying to reply

to everyone but I honestly ran out of steam. I sent this post to my wife and also just bracing

myself to talk to Decker tonight. We want to ask her if her aunt has done or said anything cruel

to or about her. I am wishing hard that she's just confused by our questions and remain oblivious of

this shitstorm. I love my heart. Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing. Another checkered flag

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I want her to always remain the bright, fun, loving, encouraging person she is.

I don't want her to know anything about what her aunt has said.

I texted my sister if she meant this, if she really sees me, my wife,

and our daughter that way or was she just drunk and stupid and doubled down in embarrassment.

That said, I don't want her near-decker anytime soon. I feel so lost.

I wasn't planning on ever being apparent and there is no fucking manual for this.

What the fuck do I even do? Wish me luck for tonight.

I will need it because if Decker tells us her aunt has been cruel to her face,

I will have to hold my wife back from swimming on my sister.

Update 1 September 29th, 2024

I am trying to keep this short, honey and I took Decker out to the local October Fest celebrations.

She had a blast, did crafts, dance to music, had beer, it was not beer, in a pint glass,

and generally had a great time. On the ride home my wife broached the long-awaited

topic. We asked her how she felt about grandma's passing then went into how everyone handles things

differently. We asked if mama, me, or mommy, honey, ever was hurtful and she named a couple moments

we'd been snappy or wouldn't let her do things, like a party at 2 a.m., but no nothing else.

We asked about Clara and she got quiet. Honey just looked at me but I was driving.

So I just said you can tell us anything, goober, you know that and she clamped up.

I got my girl's home and hugged my heart slash Decker and went to the den.

About two hours later my wife came downstairs to me and said Decker is in bed but no

asleep and I should talk to her. I asked why and she simply said that Decker is willing to talk

about it. I went up. Decker was ready for bed, in her PJs, reading. I just sat down on the side

of the bed and asked her how she was. She just said mom told you huh? I told her I didn't know

anything in Decker then said that Clara makes her uncomfortable and said hurtful things.

When my wife and I weren't around, Clara would call her the lost puppy or the stray and once Decker

remembers her dev told her to her face you're not real family and that once honey and I get a real

child we will dump her. I can't explain the rage. The absolute total and complete red I saw as

my daughter broke down telling me that she behaves so well and is so obsessed with grades so she

can prove she is worth loving, worth keeping. After calling my wife we sat her down and told her

that she is the best thing that ever happened to us and that even if we do have more children

she is our first born in our love. I cried and held her telling her she was my whole heart and

that nothing will ever change that. She saved us and I am so proud of her and us and all we've

grown to become. I can't ever stop loving her. Neither can her mom. We love her more than air.

That will never change. Then I explained that Annie was wrong for this.

Andy is jealous of her. Jealous of how much we love her.

Andy needs help but we can't give that help so she won't be around for a while. Decker asked

us to stop talking to her like a child so I was blunt. She's my sister and I love her.

You're my daughter and I love you more. I told her my sister was wrong and hateful.

I'm sorry that she didn't feel she could come to her mom or I but she can. Every time.

Anytime. We will choose her. Always. Decker asked me if it's her fault I hate Clara and I just

hold her hate as a choice and I don't hate Clara. I do love her. But sometimes loving a person

means you correct them. Actions have consequences. My daughter got quiet and handed me her phone

and Clara had been texting her awful things since she left my home. I can't even type them

because I want to throw things but it's when I read my fucking sister texting my teenage daughter

go tell your so-called mom like a snitch and prove me right I took a screenshot and texted it to

myself. Decker fell asleep around midnight and my wife and I went to bed. I texted my sister

the screenshot and said you come into my home as my sister and treat my child like this.

No mom and dad would be ashamed of you. This is not how you treat any child. Let alone your own

niece. I have loved you since as long as I can remember. I know you were not raised to treat

children so terribly but as of now you are not accepted in my home. You will not speak to or

contact me my wife or my child. I will give you the money for October Clara but November on.

That's your responsibility. I am no longer going to help. I'm sorry. This breaks my heart

but you crossed a serious and unforgivable line. Decker is my daughter. I am her mom. Do not doubt

me here and I want to be clear if you ever come sideways at my family again or contact my daughter

at all I will take legal recourse. From today on we are low contact. If you try to make this into

a bigger issue it will be no contact. If you don't understand here are resources to help spell it out.

I love you. D. Update 2 October 2nd 2024. I kept my promise to my wife to wait before reacting.

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Grammarly.com. That's Grammarly.com. She knows me best and knew I was prepared to go nuclear.

Turns out, I needn't have bothered. Let me clear up a couple of small details and misconceptions

I've read. One, I am the eldest of the siblings. Mom and dad have been sick for years on and off.

So to those who think I'd just started taking over as some weird power trip or something, no.

I've managed their finances, maintained their properties, and taken care of all their affairs

before either of them passed. Dad simply wasn't mentally able after a while and mom never had

ahead for that sort of thing. Two, yes, I was mostly left in charge of my siblings growing up.

Both my parents had businesses and worked off in seven day weeks.

I cooked dinner and helped with homework and whatnot. I'm aware that's not very normal,

and I already know some of you will call my parents terrible for this, but they simply didn't

know better. I won't hate them for any of it and as much as it caused me some negative effects,

it also made my siblings feel safe. I'm proud of being able to protect them and be there for

them when they were young so they didn't feel how I felt. And yes, I am also in therapy.

Three, I was the sole caretaker of my parents when they passed. The reasons are complicated but

the short of it is, dad got verbally abusive towards the end and mom got severely depressed and

blunt. They were a challenge to deal with on the best of days. I hold no ill will towards them,

but there it is. My siblings didn't want to be around them. Dad was hurt and changed his will.

Mom followed suit. Four, for those telling me I am rewarding Clara by paying for literally

this month and that I'm not a real mom or a bad mom by loving my daughter's tormentor,

I'm envious your world is so black and white. Rent is literally due today and the money was

already in transfer to her via auto banking. And Clara isn't getting rewarded, she is remaining

housed. But from now on, she's on her own. Five, Clara and I used to be pretty close but she did

get distant around the time Decker was adopted. I didn't know exactly why, just that the new

dynamic was a challenge for her. I know she hates Charlie and considers him evil and irredeemable.

She had a really hard time losing our cousin-in-law, Decker's biological mother,

as they were very close so I assume her issues stem from this.

Six, I inherited the majority of everything though my siblings got sizeable sums,

three got all but one of the businesses my parents owned and everyone got trusts.

Clara spiraled after mom passed and had a mental health crisis.

Before we got her help, she traveled, drank, and gambled away her entire inheritance.

Long story for another time. I didn't have a moment to cool down and wait until today to give

myself a chance to make a level headed decision regarding my sister. Clara has spun the tale that

I am jealous she found a loving man and am withholding mom and dad's money from her.

She gave the perception that I was the one abusing Decker, putting her down and telling her

she isn't my real daughter. That shut down when I sent my text a couple days ago.

Yesterday, Clara was on my doorstep.

She was crying and begging for me to let her in but my wife and her friends were inside

and I made it clear I don't want her near my family as she emotionally abused my daughter

and physically harmed my wife. I told her to leave where I would call the police to have her

removed. I was going to call the police anyway because I told her never to come to our home

again and there she was. There's a reason I said this in text so I could in an event like this show

them clear as day that she would know she is welcome. Clara started to beg saying she will

apologize to Decker and she was drunken upset and made mistakes. I could tell she was drunk

or high or something. I told her it's not a simple mistake to bully a traumatized teen girl

and make her feel unloved and unwanted by her own family and to text her that she is worthless

and expendable. What the fuck? I got angry and just started to raise my voice.

I don't know when I started to yell but I did. I just lost it. She's a cold-hearted,

awful, self-serving brat. Spoiled beyond belief to being so delusional that this all

would just go away, that she's entitled to the money my wife and I make, that our parents gave

us after all she did. She needs fucking help and I am done being the giving tree here.

You don't ever hurt my child. She's lucky I have a head to keep my hands to myself

and luckier still honey isn't out here because she certainly would not so go the fuck home.

Clara slapped me across the face and called me a bitch and a traitor that I choose that demon

spawn of a child over her. That I love Decker more than my own real family and turn my back

on her this way. Honey must have been right by the door because before I could make a very bad

choice she had yanked me inside. Told my sister that she had 60 seconds to fuck off and slammed

the door closed. Clara left quickly but we still called the police and handed over the footage from

our property cameras of what happened, as well as the text from our phones. Clara went ballistic

over text telling me awful things ending with her hoping I'd take my own life and she would

celebrate. Absolutely unhinged awful shit like that. I blocked her, sent every piece of footage

in a Google Drive and dropped the link in the sibling group chat and sent it to Kevin her fiance.

I then sat down and cried myself into a fit before Decker came home from practice.

I put on my mom face for her and made sure she did her homework then I went to the den and

called my aunt Decker's biological grandmother and told her what happened. My aunt told me that

Clara is renewing her conspiracy that I harming Decker and that I need to be careful because

she suspects Clara is having some sort of mental break and might do something crazy.

Honey and I have spent this whole day working on a request for a protective order from her.

Making sure Decker's school knows no one is to pick her up but us.

And get a lawyer because I think legal action is needed here.

I told my eldest of the brothers that Clara needs help and asked if he could check on her because

she might be as much a danger to herself as she is now presenting to be to me and my family.

He got quiet and said can't you handle this? And said this drama was too much and he's busy.

I was so stunned I just blurted out are you fucking kidding me right now?

Before I just hung up. My other sister is now over helping me deal with this.

My other brother has gone to see after Clara but says he will only make sure she hasn't hurt herself

but beyond that she can get wrecked for what she's done. Kevin called me and said he went through

the Google Drive and begged me not to call the police on Clara. He said that she has been having

a really bad time and has struggled with drinking and has been stealing his medications and he's

trying to get her help. But if she gets arrested he doesn't have the funds for bail PR and illegal

help. I told him it's too late. The police have been called and he needs to get her into some sort

of rehab or something. He asked for our help to pay for a facility he was thinking of and I told

him to keep her away from me and my family. He started to cry and told me I'm him awful sister

that I don't care about Clara and her struggles and that she's just lost and he's underwater trying

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wherever you get your podcasts. I didn't reply after that and have just been sitting around

the house waiting for the police to call back, trying to get my crying out for the way before

Decker comes home from school. I feel wretched and terrible because not matter what I do now,

it will just never feel right. I was to look after them all and now my sister is this

lunatic hellbent on burning my life down and my brother is alarmingly just indifferent to it all.

I am used to being the one that holds the family together and handle things.

But I don't feel like I can handle anything anymore.

WTF is my life?

Comments where op has replied, peaches 728, you are in a tough situation.

Someone will have hurt feelings no matter what choice you make.

At the end of the day you must do what is best for your family, wife and child.

It's hard letting go of family when you know they will flounder but you don't want to sync with them.

I bet your parents wouldn't want you to either.

Oop, oh, my mother would be furious with me right now.

I can almost hear her berating me in the back of my skull telling me Kevin is right and I am

supposed to take care of them not turn my back on any of them and to forgive because we are

family and that's what family does. It's killing me, but it helps watching Decker.

She's out back in the pool now that her homework is done and she's chatting away with honey while

I work on dinner. I've been staring at bell peppers for like 15 minutes battling my mom and my

head with but look at her, she's safe and happy. Wouldn't you want that? Even Spoonier,

sounds like you're doing the right thing but yikes. I'm not sure that helping pay for rehab is a

bad idea as long as it's an impatient facility and there's a court order in place that will help

govern when she can leave. The most important thing is keeping her away from your family.

This would accomplish that while also allowing you to say that she needs help and you're helping

her get it and who knows. Maybe she'll actually get the help she needs. Oop, I really hope she does

get help but right now I am focused on my daughter W&D wife. She was off the rails enough to strike

me. It's not a full on attack but if she's capable of all of this I don't know what she might do

to my family and right now she's hyper fixated on us and Decker in particular. She has my other

siblings in her fiance so I will let them handle this for now. I am more concerned for the safety of

my home. I know that sounds terrible and maybe I am but I just don't have the extra space in my

mind to deal with this.