Six Ways to Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn (Job 2:11-13)

Over the last few months, while a man in our congregation was dying of cancer, I developed a burden to equip the church to minister to those mourning. Job's friends set a great example in Job 2:11-13. Read on to learn six ways to provide biblical comfort for those who mourn. https://youtu.be/Z8p6MIINBTo Learn six ways to provide biblical comfort for those who mourn. In Job 2:11-13, Job's friends set a great example at first. Table of contentsFirst, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Being Like Job’s Friends (at the Beginning)Comforting without Saying Anything?Second, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Taking the InitiativeThird, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Dealing with Silence WiselyFourth, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Being EmpatheticDistinguishing Between Sympathy and EmpathyBeing Empathetic Is Incredibly DifficultFifth, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Recognizing Some Can Comfort Better than UsChildren Comforting ChildrenThose with Similar Experiences Comforting Each OtherA Woman Who Also Lost Her Brother to a Drug OverdoseThe Bauskas Comforting the OrdwaysFeeling Inadequate ComfortingWhy Everyone Must Be Involved in ComfortingSixth, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Making Yourself UncomfortableWedding, Births, and DeathsPerfect Comfort Is Not Until the Next Life The previous post, Learning to Weep With Those Who Weep, was about what we should not do when what we shouldn’t do when comforting those who mourn. This post is about what we should do. Here are six ways to provide biblical comfort for those who mourn. First, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Being Like Job’s Friends (at the Beginning) I know Job’s friends are the proverbial bad friends. When you want to tell people they are bad friends, you tell them they are like Job’s friends. So you might look at this lesson and wonder if I made a mistake. But Job’s friends started off well. Look at Job 2:11: Job 2:11 Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. Notice three things about Job's friends: Each man came from his own separate place. They didn’t live near each other. They made an appointment to meet to travel to see Job. This is the ancient world before people had cell phones or cars to drive. I don’t know how far they lived from each other and then how far it was to travel to Job, but I’m sure this was no small thing. They wanted to do two things. First, they wanted to show him sympathy, and second, they wanted to comfort him. We’ll talk about sympathy later. For now, let’s see how they comforted him: Job 2:12 And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. They wept with him. Romans 12:15 says, "Weep with those who weep." Job’s friends are a great example of this. First Corinthians 12:26 says, "If one member suffers, all suffer together." They suffered with him as well: Job 2:13 And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. Job’s friends continue to impress! We tend to read verses quickly, but think about what this says because it is incredible: they sat on the ground for seven days and seven nights and didn’t say a word! Comforting without Saying Anything? Verse eleven says they were going to comfort him. If we were asked what it means to comfort someone, wouldn’t we think it involves saying something? But they comforted him without saying anything, and we’re told the reason why: because they saw that his suffering was great. Suffering and words are practically inversely related: the greater the suffering, the fewer the words. When people learn someone is going through something difficult, they want to visit but don’t know what to say. Most of the time, when you are with suffering people, the best thing you can do is be with them and listen. It is called the ministry of presence. You won’t probably won’t have to say much. Second, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Taking the Initiative Job’s friends made an appointment to meet and coordinate their travel to see him, but Job didn’t seek them out. When people are suffering, they don’t usually ask for help, a meal, or to be visited. Typically, we have to do these things without being asked. Social media is one of the greatest threats to comforting those who are mourning and to the Ministry of Presence. I’m not saying social media can’t be used in positive ways. However, social media makes people feel like sending a message is the same as visiting. I understand if we live on the other side of the country and it isn’t reasonable to visit, then sending a message telling people we are praying for them and asking if there is anything we can do is reasonable. But, over the years, I haven’t heard people talk about how encouraging it was when they got a message. I have heard people say how encouraging it was when someone visited them or brought them a meal. Third, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Dealing with Silence Wisely When did Job’s friends start looking like bad friends? When they started talking! A good principle is: if you can’t improve on silence, don’t. I know silence can be awkward, but when silence is best, let there be silence. But this is a wisdom issue that requires balance because there are times we should talk, and people are waiting for us to talk. So, if you’re confident you should improve on silence, let me give you recommendations: Read scripture, and I recommend going into these situations with verses in mind. Here are some recommendations: Psalm 23, Psalm 48:14, Psalm 116:15, Isaiah 43:1-2, Revelation 21:3-4, John 11:25, 1 Corinthians 15:35-58, 2 Corinthians 5:1-10 Pray for healing and comfort. Assuming the person is a believer, you can thank God for the gospel, thank God that the person’s suffering will end soon, and thank God the person will soon be in Christ’s presence. Share encouraging memories. Friends and family want to know their loved one will not be forgotten, and sharing memories communicates that the person will be remembered. Plus, hearing memories can bring people joy that combats the grief. They know the person is physically gone, but in a small way, it seems like the person is still here. Sing even if you don’t think you have the best voice. People will often sing with you if it’s a familiar song. Fourth, Provide Biblical Comfort for Those Who Mourn By Being Empathetic Job 2:11 says Job’s friends wanted to show him sympathy. I’m not saying this would have saved them from the problems they caused later, but maybe it would have helped if they pursued empathy instead. The Bible commands sympathy and empathy, and they are different: Sympathy is feeling for someone, but empathy is feeling with someone Sympathy is understanding someone’s feelings, but empathy is feeling someone’s feelings Here’s a verse about sympathy: 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, live with your wives IN AN UNDERSTANDING WAY, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. This verse commands us as husbands to understand our wives or be sympathetic to them. We should think about what our wives are going through and strive to live with them according to that understanding. But this is not empathy. Empathy means trying to experience what someone is experiencing. Distinguishing Between Sympathy and Empathy We must understand the difference between sympathy and empathy because the two verses we have been focusing on command empathy. We are not just to understand what people are experiencing; we are to do our best to put ourselves in their place and try to feel what they are feeling: Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. If this verse were about sympathy, it would say to be happy for those rejoicing or sad for those weeping. Instead, it says to do what they are doing - rejoice and weep - because we feel what they are feeling. 1 Corinthians 12:26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. It doesn’t say that if one member suffers, everyone is sad for them, or if one member is honored, everyone is happy for them. Instead, everyone suffers with the suffering person and rejoices with the honored person because we are supposed to try to feel their suffering and feel like we are being honored. Remember, Job’s friends accused him of being a horrible sinner. According to their theology, God only lets evil people suffer, so because Job suffered so much, he must be terrible. Job responded by describing his innocence and righteousness. Here's one of the reasons Job said he was a righteous man: Job 30:25 Did not I weep for him whose day was hard? Was not my soul grieved for the needy? Job declared that he was empathetic. Being Empathetic Is Incredibly Difficult I am not the best at empathy. I am not talking about this because I’m great at it. Instead, I am trying to rightly divide God’s Word and tell you what it says, and I recognize it is challenging. Sympathy is no small thing. It requires listening well, concentrating on what the person says, and trying to understand them. These things are important. But they are not empathy. Empathy requires trying to put ourselves in the suffering person’s position to feel what they are feeling, doing our best to imagine what happened to them is happening to us. ...