Small Towns That Surprise: Acceptance is More Common Than You Think

Welcome to Transcendent. I'm Raya and I'm the daughter. And I'm Joe and I'm the dad.

We are talking about small towns today in LGBTQ issues. We've got some great stories coming

up now. Of course, I'm from a small town. We really do have very small town. Yes, it's

where I was born when you raised me and then where I came back to when I lived there.

It's a very small town. Well, how small is it? It's so small that the welcome to and

your leaving signs are on the same post. It's so small that every time I turn on the blender,

the street lights dim. It's so small that town census taker just uses his fingers. But the

truth is it really is a very small town. For example, how many how many kids were in your

high school graduating class? One for every card in a deck of cards, 52. Wow. Yeah. And it's less

than that now. It is. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a very extremely small town. You knew everybody

in your high school. No street lights. Um, no, there are some street lights. Yeah, there

really are. So, but there are not. Not in front. Yes, there are. If you go on the street

that we grew up in, now I to give you an idea of how small I'm talking about. I'm talking

about stop lights. Stop lights. Yes. There are no stop lights. That's true. But there are

street lights. However, on my street, actually, it's quite dark in front of my house. If I go

walking out when it's dark, it's actually quite dark. I have to walk down a block in order to

get some some street light there. But the house that I'm living in right now, I could throw

a stone and it would be where the house where I grew up where we were originally living. And if

I threw a stone, the other direction would be at the church that I was confirmed at. And probably

two or three stone throws away is the grade school that I went to where then my kids also went.

And just in the backyard of that is the high school. And they give you another idea. I believe

there's one grocery store. And I think there's only one gas station. And I there are, of course,

three bars. Well, do now there's some drama there. There's a handful of restaurants. But most of

those restaurants are closed. They're seasonal. And you might be able to get one. We used to have a

subway, but that's been closed down now. They couldn't make a go of it with a subway. So they're all

just small. That was a subway restaurant, not a place to ride on. So it's easy to think that

life in a small town is really bad. And especially if you come out this and you yourself are LGBTQ plus,

or especially I think for a lot of allies, it can be really scary. Oh, no, how are you doing

living in a small town? Yeah. I mean, everybody knows your business, right? That is a legitimate

concern for sure. And there are certainly places that are bad. But I want to say they're not all bad.

And one of the things that I especially like about living in a small town is that you can have

relationships with a lot of different people. So I remember times where, you know, I, in fact,

I pointed out to a friend that came to visit me. There was a poster that was up. And it was a

poster for the local ambulance and, you know, like the people that run the ambulance. And I said,

you know, see this woman's picture. She used to work for my dad. She used to live a block down

the street from us. Her daughter was in my sister's class. Her other daughter then ran again

somebody else for the school. But I mean, there were about 12 different connections that we had

with one single person. That's the level of small town that we have. And so the nice thing about

that is that then if you get along with people, you can actually do very well as an LGBTQ plus person.

If you don't get along with people, it can be really difficult. What I liked about it was that

when we raised you and your sister, when you were little, you could go anywhere. And everybody

watched out for you. Yeah. And that is still largely the case. Yeah. It's really, really nice. And

actually, as I have now transitioned and I've gone back to some people, some of my teachers that

knew me beforehand, everyone is very supportive. Now, I am sure that there are some people that are

behind closed doors, not supportive, but that's not what you do, especially in our culture. You don't

go out of your way to be mean to people. Unless I was a jerk to them, then they might use that as

an excuse. But in general, people have been great towards me. So that's been very good. And we

want to share some stories today about other small towns that can actually put a smile on your face

so that you can remember, especially as we're in a time in our country where it can feel like

so much makes us feel bad. We turn on the news and there's another story that's making us feel

terrible. Well, we've got some good stories for you. Let's start with Bisbee, Arizona. Bisbee,

Arizona is a small mining town with a big pride tradition. It reinvented itself as a vibrant arts

community. So it's LGBTQ plus story is one of local celebration growing into a community

institution. Now get this. It started in 2004 as a small group of friends celebrating pride.

Okay, that makes sense. And it has grown into Bisbee pride. This is a three day annual event

with parades and drag shows and educational events, music, and community service. It operates as

a nonprofit and it draws both locals and visitors from all over our three day event. What makes

it so notable is that it's a population under 6,000, which of course to you and me, Raya, is a big city.

And it grew its LGBTQ plus pride for two decades with very strong local support. I think that's

really cool because that demonstrates how a small community can build inclusive culture

from the ground up and not just trying to be like the big city events. This is a this is a thing

that for three days, it's hey, let's go here. There's fun. There's something going on great. All

kinds of things. I went into took a look at their website because I thought this would be a

wonderful, wonderful road trip to do sometime in the month of June. So last year, they don't have

their dates posted for this year yet. Last year it was June 13th and 14th. I imagine probably in

2026, it'll be a similar weekend. Probably the second weekend. I would seem so. They have a full

parade. So you can go for the pride parade. You can actually apply to March in the pride parade if

you would like to. If you've got a group, they have got music. They've got all kinds of fun. They've

got merchandise. They've just got an amazing weekend. It has turned into like in our small town,

we have an annual event where people come to celebrate old cars. Here, they're coming to celebrate

pride and standing together as community. How fun is that? They've got vendors. You can volunteer.

There's all kinds of tickets that you can get to go see things. Just so fun. Hey, I got an idea.

If you're telling me this place goes someplace to celebrate old cars, what maybe we ought to have

an event that celebrates old ladies and old men. Can you think of any of that might want to be

celebrated? Yeah, but I don't think they want to march in the parade. They probably want to ride

the scooters. Next, I want to tell you about a town in Arkansas called Eureka Springs. Now Eureka

Springs has a seven story tall statue of Jesus with his arms outstretched and you know what they

do with this year round? The hang pride flags from this Jesus. Wow, that's cool. Eureka Springs has

become known as a save haven for the LGBTQ plus community in and around the Arkansas area.

So it was one of the very first towns that developed a reputation for being a place where

gay and lesbian folks are welcome. It's a very small town, only about 2,200 people. That's

twice as big as our old small community. Right. Yeah, it may be one and a half times. No,

probably now it is probably twice as much as I think so. Yeah, but again, small enough that you

can kind of get to know everybody. One of the most important things is it was the very first place

where you could get married to a same-sex partner. And so they're one of the first couples that

got married were Zick Taylor and Dick Titus, one of the first gay couples and then one of the first

lesbian couples or the first lesbian couple was Jennifer Seton Rambo who got married to Kristen

Seton Rambo. That was on May 10, 2014. They made sure that they were the first in line at the

courthouse to get it done. And so Eureka Springs became known as the place where you could show up

if you needed a safe haven if you needed a place where you could belong and not feel like

you're an outsider, but you don't want to be part of the big city. You don't want to have to go to

New York City to find queer community or go to one of the big cities. You can go to Eureka Springs

and it's a great place where you can feel like you belong. The nice thing about it is that local

officials and the faith communities have really leaned into this whole idea of welcoming everybody,

welcoming all as a part of the town's identity so that it's a real regional refuge where people

can go and feel safe and feel secure and feel like they belong. It's another one of those examples

where it demonstrates how small communities can build inclusive cultures. You know, like from

the ground up, it's not just trying to make a big city event. It's another one that did one of those

events that became a big event just like Bidby Arizona. If you ever happen to be taking a trip to

Branson, Missouri, it looks like it's only about an hour away. So it might be a great destination

for you. It's just across the border not too far at all. You know, it would be a fun place if

you're thinking, where can I go for a summer trip? If you're somewhere near there,

that might be a good one to do. Another one we're talking about is a small town in Pennsylvania

downing town and they have elected a LGBTQ plus mayor, a transgender mayor. Her name is Eureka

Dusso and this is just recently. This was only a few months ago here, about three months ago,

back in November of 2025. She won that and she won by a landslide, like 64 or 65% of the vote.

The nice thing about it is when you watch the interviews with her, she says, you know what, I was

not running on a platform being transgender or anything related to my gender identity. I got

more questions about the Christmas parade than I got about my gender identity. She's 45 years old,

she's got a background in science and she just wanted to serve the community and she started to

say, here's some things I think that we could do as a small town to make the community a more

welcoming place. It's not a community that is like the first two that we talked about where

they have a large LGBTQ plus community. It's just a place where one trans woman rose up and she

said, I want to make a difference. I want to help make the place better. I want to work against

things like domestic violence. I want to help people in our community and she put out her platform

and she was elected. She's the very first transgender mayor in the state of Pennsylvania. Very cool.

What's even more interesting is there is also a transgender mayor in a small town in Texas. That

is another tiny town. It's called New Hope, Texas. It's in the northern part of Texas and this

woman became a mayor when the previous mayor died. Her name is Jess Herbst. She later came out

publicly as a transgender woman while she was in office posting a letter to all of the residents

of the town's official website. Now there were so many people that accepted her automatically

because she was the same neighbor, the same public servant that all of the people go through who

do transition. There's the same people. People understood that they accepted her and she won by

the landslide. I think it's really important, especially the fact that she is in Texas of all places

where we just talked about a few weeks ago about the Texas transgender bathroom bill that the

FN passed recently. To have people that are standing up and saying, this is who I am, I'm not going

to hide who I am. I'm not going to go back into the closet now. I'm not running away.

Just like I said, this is what gives us so much hope about small towns is that it's easy to think

that you're always going to be in danger, but it's not the way that it works at all. If you come

with an attitude of being a caring neighbor and you want to love other people and you show other

people respect, they're going to do the same for you. Great stories in this really warms my heart.

Stick around. We're going to tell you about a man who would bullied one. He was a kid in a small

town and has come back and why and how it worked out for him right after this.

Hi, I'm Andy Barrett, a Lutheran pastor and a supporter of this podcast. I see Trans

Descendant as a ministry. I've pointed many people toward these recorded conversations full of

so much heart and care and warmth, as well as some of Joe's jokes, which are hands down the worst

part of this podcast, but even they make me smile. I'm one of the many genuinely blessed by Trans

Descendant and I encourage you to join me in supporting this podcast by giving as little as three

dollars a month. Go to Trans Descendant.com and click support.

One of my favorite stories as we were researching this came from an author, Robert Misi, who came out

when he was in college as a gay man. He grew up in a small town and he always recalled being

bullied there and how everybody made fun of him when he was in high school for his gate tendencies

and that sort of thing. He was not out of the closet at all. He did not tell his parents.

It was not until he went off to college that he really felt comfortable being himself and he

thought originally this is exactly where I belong. Here I am in a larger city. He went to Winnipeg and

that's where he got his degree and he started dating and on those kinds of things. But then as he

got to midlife, he realized there were actually aspects of living in a big city that felt bad to him.

For instance, he felt like he didn't actually feel as safe there. He couldn't walk down the street

like he could growing up beforehand in a small town. He moved back to a small town with a population

of about 5,000 people. He discovered he expected hostility. He expected that people would recognize

he was a gay man and they would be really hard on him. But instead, he found neighbors that were

caring. People helping him fix his car, service techs checking in on his furnace out of concern.

Most surprisingly, he found a lot of other queer people in his area. He was not alone. Just people

getting together, quietly building community, not being difficult, not causing problems,

just being there, being together and loving one another. And the biggest twist is he went back

to his original high school now that he was coming from a different perspective. This high school

that had made him feel so small, so belittled. And he discovered that now the high school has grown.

They have now instituted a GSA group called a Gender Sexuality Alliance. It used to be called

the Gay Straight Alliance. But now they call them Gender Sexuality Alliance to be a little more

inclusive of a transgender people as well. And he found that as he said, decency and kindness

are not exclusive to big cities. This is a positive change in the culture. It's easy to think

that everything is bad, but there are good people. I want to tell you about the town that was named

the second most friendly LGBTQ plus small town city in the United States. McMindville, Oregon.

Queer culture and local leadership. McMindville is our rural town in Willemette Valley

that has gained recognition for its LGBTQ plus inclusivity and cultural events. Get this.

They have a thing called a queer wine fest and downtown pride celebrations that go along with it.

It's a big deal. A wine fest. I don't want to go to the wine fest.

That has been a family joke of ours forever since I was a kid. We've been using that joke.

That to me sounds how fun would that be to go to a queer wine fest? Do a wine tasting?

You know, in wine tasting, a lot of the times you'll go, you'll just swish it and then you spit it

out. The whole point is just to enjoy the tastes and the sounds and the smells and everything.

Among people that are supportive and are welcoming and affirming, how fun would that be? What a great

destination. The town's leadership, including the queer business owners and community organizers,

helped shape McMindville into an unexpectedly affirming rural hub. Their annual pride street fairs

drag story hours and downtown rainbow banners show how small towns can integrate queer culture

into everyday life. I want to talk about that a little bit about drag queen story hours because

I think that that gets a bad rap among a lot of people that they think that it's going to be

somebody dressing in drag and doing something really lute and gross and whatever. But all it is

is it's somebody dressing up. There's both drag queens and drag kings and I'm sure there

probably are some drag kings that come in for story hours as well. It's just somebody

wearing a different apparel and being very, very theatrical in their presentation. Oftentimes

very campy and how they present very over the top. And it would be like taking an old-time

movie star and having them come in. It's somebody playing a role as a way that's just very over

the top. There is nothing lute about it and it's not a way to trans the kids. What it is is a way

to let kids know that lots of people are different and it's okay to be who you really are. And I

think that's a great message. So the idea here is talking about when people hear small town or

rural, they often assume unsafe and unwelcoming people or they're stuck in the past. But we have

just shown you with some of the many stories we have where rural goes right. And that's wonderful.

Or maybe I should say rural goes left, huh? But really just rural goes community. Exactly.

It's really neither right nor left because love is just a value of humans. An any good person

should want to be a part of community. You know, I remember this was about 20 years ago.

There was a situation related to school and with the kids education. We were able to tour the

local police station. And I talked to one of the local police officers. And he was talking about

being out on duty and I asked him a little bit about what he did. And I made some kind of joke about

I suppose you're out there to get the bad guys. And he said to be honest, most of the people that I'm

dealing with are good people having a bad day. Yeah. And that feels like that small town. There

might be good people having a bad day. But it's mostly good people everywhere you go. There's good

people. Now, are you going to get a bad egg here? And there, of course, you are. But if you approach

it thinking, I love the community. I believe that people are going to be open and welcoming. You

are much more likely to actually find that. And that's what I think can be great. So this episode

is not about denying harm or pretending that real spaces are also great and safe. But it's about

telling unexpected stories of welcome and courage and change. These stories matter because

especially for LGBTQ plus folks who live in big cities, they have a wrong opinion of small towns.

And you hear these stories and you realize it's different. And many people who live in big cities

really are born in small towns. And there are some who stay for family and work and finances.

That's what I did. Right. Stayed for family. Yep. And there are some that can't or don't or just can't

want to move to the city. They just love the small town life. They're attached to it. But they're also

afraid maybe. We assume nothing good can happen in a real place. That's the big problem right there.

We ease people into doing brave affirming things. We leave LGBTQ plus youth feeling trapped

and hopeless. And that's tough. We let harmful voices define the story. And that's not what it is.

So when we talk about small towns, we were giving you some examples of small towns that don't

fit the stereotype because that's what it is. And the stereotype really doesn't fit anywhere.

Even in places where you expect you might find it. It's not necessarily the case. You'll see visible

signs of welcome pride flags. You'll see inclusive language on small town things on their sites in

schools. Look around. Paste communities are beginning to be much, much more quietly affirming.

In the town I live in, they have a Episcopal Church there that is very affirming and doing very

well in this small town. And the town itself, I feel, is pride of what they are offering.

I feel that many of us in the LGBTQ plus community will get together, especially in more urban

areas. And we'll say, boy, small town life is really hard and everybody hates us there.

And they don't understand who we are and they judge us. And what we don't realize when we get

together to do that is we are doing the exact same thing. And when I get around small town people

that I call friends, what I hear over and over again is we hate when people are judging us

from the city thinking that we're small thinkers or thinking that we hate everybody,

thinking that we don't have an open mind. They are doing exactly the same thing to us that

they're accusing us of doing. And I think there are lots of places where sure you will always

get ignorance. You will always have people that don't understand or don't know, but you will

find that anywhere. But I think all of the time, if we approach in good faith with a good heart and

assume that most people are good. Most people want to do the right thing. And most people are kind,

good nature, good-hearted people when you get to know them. That is always going to be our best bet.

Now, I don't ever want to minimize the true actual victimization stories of our LGBTQ plus

brothers and sisters and siblings. But I do want to set us up so that we can assume that places

that we go, that we are going to be treated with love and with dignity and that we can live in

these places without feeling like we need to hide who we are. We've moved beyond that. It's

2026. Yes, there are places where we need to be scared, but there's a lot more places where we

don't need to be scared because there's good people there. We see so many things happening in

these small towns that really become welcoming and inviting. The same small towns that 20 years

ago would not have shown that type of welcoming. But I can tell you, in many small towns, the elected

officials, the mayors and the people who are on the city council, that type of thing, librarians,

teachers, police, fire department, they all say everyone belongs here. And that's a kind of small town

you want to live in. Everyone belongs here. We talked about all of the great things that some of

these people are doing, the wine fast and the pride fast and the three-day celebrations. But

progress doesn't always look loud. Progress is sometimes just steady. It's relational

and it's deeply personal. And when you come to a town like that and you've been there a while,

you realize that it is welcoming and you're part of that. That's a wonderful feeling and a great

way to live. And for LGBTQ plus listeners, this is proof that safety and belonging are possible

outside of big cities. And that permission to hope without denying reality is right there,

right there in front of you. It's wonderful. And for skeptics, I want to tell you,

I'm offering you an invitation to reconsider what's possible. Change stuff and only come from

the coast. It only comes from the east coast and the west coast. It comes throughout the United

States, into rural America, where rural America or rural Canada exists just like it does everywhere else

and provide a wonderful place for you. I always remember when I was growing up, there was a man

in my town. He served on the school board and would frequently crack homophobic and transphobic

jokes and was known around. He was known as a guy that people thought was really funny and enjoyed

being around. But he was not the most affirming or understanding person. And now he hosts a podcast

confirming LGBTQ plus rights and relationships with his transgender daughter. Yes. And that is,

I think a picture of small town living that things have changed. Not everybody is like you. Not

everybody is Joe. But more and more people are becoming who you are. And that is what we are here

to do is to try to help those people along. So maybe you're somebody that you've never thought about

these things. Welcome. We're glad to have you here week after week as we come every Monday morning

with a message of positivity. I hope that we put a smile on your face here today as we've shared

some great stories with you. And we've given you some of your own ideas of ways that you can be

affirming towards other people around you. And we encourage you to share this with other people as well.

So when you do that, it really helps us. And the whole idea here is for us to get the word out.

There's no rest. You can turn off this thing anytime. We hope you don't. We hope to see you back

here next week. In fact, we always say with that, we'll see you Monday.

Population of about $5,000. He was not $5,000.

$5,000. Right.