Spouse of three decades UNINTENTIONALLY BETRAYED and sought FORGIVENESS, so I advised her

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I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse of three decades unintentionally betrayed and sought forgiveness,

so I advised her to leave and we ended the marriage. Together for 30 years, myself, partner,

two children, two grandchildren, and our family. Love them dearly.

Background, we met at a nightclub back in the 80s where I was working as a bouncer,

went out for a date and two months later moved and together, two years later married,

we had a good life, work, play, having children. I went from a very active job to a sedate job and

put on a lot of weight, to the extent that I couldn't even finish sex as I would get a asthma attack.

We tried different things to spice up our sex life and were always monogamous. I have been

cheated on in the past so infidelity. Was a red line that my wife and I never crossed,

we loved each other and thought we would die together. 33 years married is a long time but

I loved her more after every year that passed, after 20 years of a dead bedroom I made a decision

to lose the weight, so after two years I lost 80 kilograms, 176 pounds, and had a tummy tuck.

I know it sounds vain but there were three main reasons. One, was so I could see my grandkids

grow up, my health obviously in three, to rekindle our sex life, and it did four.

The last two years we had sex about three or four times per week and my wife enjoyed every second

of it. I knew this because her body doesn't lie, so we were in a position where we can enjoy

our lives with each other. She still says she is in love with me and I with her. I have never

cheated on her and I know she had never cheated on me. It's just one of those things. Well,

that was until three days ago. She went on a holiday with her two sisters, headed off interstate

with them. I had no. Problem with this as I trusted her, but she knew that cheating was a deal

breaker with us and even after 33 years it still is, we had a relationship where nothing was hidden.

We had apps on our phones where we could see each other's whereabouts. This had nothing to do with

a lack of trust just simple safety. No phones were hidden and we both had access to our messages

and emails. Trust was never issue. When I lost my weight and started to look better I did gain

more attention from woman but I always brushed it off as I was happily married. My wife would

comment that she felt a little insecure now that I was being found attractive by others and she

had put some weight on. This never worried me as I love her no matter what she looks.

Like, I tell her daily I love her and how beautiful she is. Our sex is amazing and I am regretful

that we didn't try hard enough earlier on. Anyway I had just finished work and was heading home

when I got a phone call from my wife. She was very upset and asked me if my sister-in-law had spoken

to me. I said no why. I asked what was wrong. Never thinking that I would hear what she was about

to say. She told me she cheated and had sex with another man. She is so sorry. She didn't know what

came. Over her, I was shocked and my heart just broke. I sat in my car numb while she continued.

She said her sisters and her were having a few drinks and a married couple joined them.

They drank until 2am and her sisters had already left to go back to their room. The bar closed

and she told me that she was very drunk and went with a couple to their room to keep drinking and

talking. They both were very complimentary and kept telling my wife how sexy she was and her

husband was a lucky man, though. Man then started to touch her and the wife encouraged them both.

They told her no one would know and to just enjoy it. She said she felt that it wasn't even her,

but she had sex with the husband while the wife watched. In the morning when she woke up she was

in bed with both of them asleep and ran back to her room. Her sister caught her and she told her

everything. Her sister told her she had to tell me or she would. She told me all this while

sobbing over the phone and begging for my forgiveness. I was just numb. How could she just throw away

our lives? She was crying and kept saying she is so sorry and she hates herself. How much she

loves me and made a terrible mistake. I told her she didn't make a mistake she made a decision.

I then hung up on her and turned off my phone. I went home and just sat in a chair trying to

work out what is going to happen now. I cried over the loss of my wife as I knew her in the years

we had together. I cried over the loss of our future together in them. Afector decision will have

on our family. My life as I knew it was over. I shut myself off for the last two days and then

turn my phone back on. Needless to say there were hundreds of messages from her and her sisters.

The last one was she is on her way home. My kids have also tried to contact me as their mother

was ringing them to see if I was alright and if they had heard from me. I rang my kids and told

them what happened and that I am as okay as can be expected but I will be leaving home.

To go sort myself out before she gets home I asked them not to tell her where I am going

but I need to come to grips with the end of my marriage. I have just sent a text to my soon

to be ex-wife telling her we are getting a divorce and I don't want to hear from her. I don't

care about the details and I now don't care about her. The pain is incredible. I would never

have thought that our love could have been destroyed so quickly update. I may ramble a bit

but I have a lot going through my mind and it keeps jumping from one thing to another.

Couple of clarifications. Our dead bedroom wasn't completely dead but compared to the last two

years it seemed so. The active job I had was in the military and I got injured on a training exercise

which led to a desk job then medical discharge and then my wife and I brought a small business

together. Now before I speak to my wife I have spoken at length to my sister-in-law and her husband

the story my wife gave me was certainly different to the one she gave me when she first confessed.

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CTNC's 21 Plus sponsored by Chumla Casino. My kids were horrified about what happened and just

want to support me. I have explained to them that though they may be angry with their mother she

is still their mother and the grandmother of their kids. She loves them and what she did to our

marriage does not change that. My wife and her sisters did cut the holiday short and came home.

I left a note for my wife telling her to pack and go stay at her mothers. She did this.

The details of how it went down are much worse than what my wife told me though she confessed

under the threat of being exposed she didn't tell the truth no surprise there.

My wife broke down to her sister and apparently told her everything. I won't know what to believe

until I sit down with my wife. The story she told her sister went like this.

She loves me and loves our marriage. She never expected to do this. She blames our active sex

life we have had over the last two years to explore what else she had been missing.

She felt this way because she was always the attractive one in the relationship but now

she believes the roles are reversed. She was insecure and needed to be wanted by someone else.

She swears it was the first time but she did plan it. It was fantasy she acted on.

She was scratching her itch and was never going to tell me. Unbeknown to her sisters the couple

she met were interstate customers of ours. I haven't met them but my wife spoke with them all

the time over phone. My wife went for drinks to meet up with them but her sisters tagged along

so they pretended to be strangers until they left. She did drink but was not falling down drunk.

All three had this plan before they went away. My wife is coming around this afternoon to talk

but apparently she is beside herself to what will happen. I already know what I will do. She chose

to cheat but everyone will feel the repercussions of it already the truth about her cheating.

Though makes it more devastating to me makes my resolve stronger. I didn't cheat. I didn't force her

to lie. Her feelings that she has lost me and her marriage are spot on and I don't give a shit

how miserable she is. She did this no one else but we will. Now all have to deal with it.

We are over and will have navigate our changed lives.

Firstly, thank you to those 99% that showed support. It really is helping for those others that

blamed me. Well I have no doubt that you have your own issues to deal with and good luck with that.

This is a long post as once I started to type I could stop. It felt good to get it down and

print so to speak and was a little cathartic. This will be my last update for a while and for

those interested in what happens I will post in a few months time to let you know how things are

going. I had the talk with my wife yesterday. After so many years together we both find that we

don't sleep very well without the other beside us. It's been like for decades. Well last night was

the first night that I had a very good night's sleep without her there. She came around home and

walked through the door. She looked terrible, lack of sleep, guilty, scared, and readied. Normally

my heart would break and I would make her feel better but not this time. I was sitting at the table

and she started to cry again and rushed in for hug blubbering she fucked up and is so sorry

etc. I put my hand up and told her not to touch me and sit down. She sat down. I asked if she wanted

a coffee as I was going to make one and she accepted so I made the coffee and went back to the table.

Her eyes never left me. She started to speak but I told her to be quiet and answer my questions

and listen. This isn't about her but me and the marriage. I told her at this point we were done.

She had made her choice and this is about making mine. I had already made my choice but I wanted

to get some semblance of truth out of her and I thought if she thought she had a chance she would

be at least be a little honest. I told her I have spoken with her sister which was true

and I had spoken with the couple which wasn't true but she didn't know that. I had the strangest

feelings inside of me. Happy that she was so upset but sad for us at the same time along with

disappointment, anger, and all that. Normal emotions you would have but I was calm and this

freaked her out the most. Honestly I felt I was doing a job interview. I asked her how many times

she said physically once and twice on video chat. I told her to explain how it happened.

She told me that when they were talking business it turned to flirting. Then when the wife said it

was okay and got involved over a couple of months it moved on to watching them have sex.

She told them that it has always been a fantasy of hers to have sex while the wife watched and

they were all for it. She was crying when she told me this and said it went too far. She knew it was

dangerous which made it more exciting for her. She started to tell me that she felt insecure but before

she could continue I told her I don't want to hear her bullshit excuses and justifications. I had

to wait about five minutes until she could pull herself together. I even got up and got her.

Tissues she said they met up as arranged and after her sisters had left the bar they went straight

to the couple's room. I asked her if she ever intended to tell me and she said no. It was just a

fantasy that she thought she could fulfill and never think about cheating again. I called bullshit

and asked if she had cheated over the last 33 years. She said never. I told her that now it didn't

matter how many times she cheated either once or a thousand times the result would still be the same.

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The only one it will hurt if she is lying is our kids and her relationship with them and our

grandkids. I told her I don't believe her but at this point it's irrelevant. At this she started to

realize I had no intention of working through her infidelity. She begged me to work on our marriage.

She would do anything. I could do anything. She would let me have affairs if I stayed. She promised

she would never cheat again. I told her to listen to what she was saying. She has degraded herself

enough. I would never cheat in a marriage and if I did sleep with another woman it would mean

we were separated with no chance of reconciliation. This is the last thing on my mind. She reached over

to try and grab my hand but I told her that I will never touch her again. It's not that I am

judgmental of anyone's lifestyle. It's their own business and I understand people do have affairs,

open marriages etc. But the point is we didn't. The trust and respect were destroyed when she planned

to have another man's dick inside her. I have always been a pragmatic man and I just felt relief.

I told her we will make this as easy on us as we can. She took this as hope for our relationship

but I told her no, we are done. I will never touch you again and I meant it. I could never forget

that she fucked another man and the woman I loved and married is now dead to me. She died when

you not only fucked another man but planned for it all. The good memories we have will remain,

the holidays, building our first home together, having and bringing up our children, all the laughs

and life we face together are just that. Memories, we are now going to have separate lives and I

for one am looking forward to see what happens and they will not include you. When I do meet another

woman I hope to start new memories with her and hope that I do find love again. She was shaking

and crying when I told her this but it didn't phase me I just. Wanted this woman out of my house,

she couldn't continue with the talk so I went down to shed and reached out to my kids by phone

while she composed herself. I told them what was happening and they were very supportive and said

to not drag it on and just finish it. I went back up and as soon as I walked through the door she

started again with the sorry and we can make this work. I sat down and said we are going to sell

the house and business and split everything 50-50, you can have the car and. I will take the truck

and my motorcycle, she can take the cats, I then told her not to ring me, text me or contact me in

any way unless it's about the kids or grandkids, I will contact the lawyers and start the ball rolling

for the divorce and she is free to go fuck anyone she wants as she is now a free woman. She told me

that she didn't want to fuck anyone else and I was being deliberately mean and unemotionally.

I told her that I was being honest and her actions had put me in an emotional.

Void, I told her that she is the only one to blame for the destruction of a marriage and no one else.

I loved her unconditionally and she is the one who fucked it up. I then left the house so she could

sort herself out and take a few more things with her and went over to my daughters. I stayed there

for a few hours talking with her and played with my granddaughter. When I got home she had left and as

I said I had the best night's sleep without her I have ever had, now to see what happens over

that. Next six months or so, update, thank you to all the messages and responses, it has helped me

maintain my focus. Well, it's been five hectic weeks since the soon-to-be ex-wife threw away our

marriage, I have had a lot of time to reflect on my decision and I still believe I have made the

right one, I could never trust her again, I could never touch her again, seriously it makes me sick

to even think about it. It was her decision to cheat and destroy our marriage for no other reason

than she. Thought she could get away with it, she is still staying with her mother and I have been

getting the house ready for sale, we had been in this house for 20 years so a lot of shit needed

to be done and cleared out, but I did it and we put it on the market, there are a couple of eager

buyers so I am hopeful it will be sold in the next week or two, the business has already been sold.

Thankfully one of our clients wanted to expand and I accepted the offer last week, settlement will

take place in. About a month, you always hear about divorce but it is already a pain in the ass,

where I live you have to be separated for 12 months and one day before you can file for divorce,

then it takes four months before it goes through and that's only if it's uncontested,

property settlement is a separate issue and is not done until the divorce is finalized. I don't

plan on having anything left of our joint possessions left to settle and as long as she continues

to sign the sales contracts it will make my life a lot easier to move on. Her way of thinking

is different though, my son has only spoken to her once and apparently as was not a nice phone call,

to be clear, my children are grown adults with children of their own, I told him it will take time

but she is still his mother and she was a good one, don't let her decision destroy our relationship

with her, my daughter on the other hand has been talking to her throughout, she is ashamed of

what her mother did but has been supporting her through the breakup, my daughter is a.

Very honest person who tells it like it is and is giving her mother the warts and all repercussions

of what she did, my STBXW however is deluded enough to think that I will get over it and forgive her,

she thinks that all the years we have been together will be enough to make me change my mind,

when she came over to sign the real estate contract and told me that I will change my mind,

that I still love her and she will be a better wife when I do and we will still grow old together

and have a wonderful life with this as a speed bump in our marriage that we will both get over,

I was gobsmacked, I just looked at her and said she was a thing that's to think any of that,

she lied and cheated in the worst way, she had another man's dick inside,

her, she sucked another man's dick while his own wife watched, how the hell would I even want

to touch her again, she said she knew she shouldn't have gone through with it she didn't know what

she was thinking, it wasn't even that good, I told her, to shut up that I didn't want to hear

if she enjoyed it or not, the point is she affinged it, I told her that we have zero hope of reconciliation,

I want nothing to do with her and I am looking forward to getting on with my life without her,

I think she is in massive denial about the what is happening and she no longer has any control

over my actions or is entitled to, her scheming and cheating on did a loving marriage,

her actions is why this is happening, she knew this before she did what she did so she can't

be so naive to think it's not happening, because it is, the funny thing is that I am getting a

fair amount of attention from other women now, I am certainly not interested in having anything

to do with women at this time but, it's nice to know that when I do I will have plenty of options,

the soon to be ex-wife even got angry that woman we know have been over to visit and bring me dinner,

just to talk of course, she told me she wants me to get it out of my system and she will be waiting,

I mean seriously how fucked up is she, the only thing I want out of my system is her, emotions

are still a major factor, hate, anger, disgust, the feeling of loss, betrayal and sadness,

but I am a strong man and I will deal with them, my goal now is to focus on getting rid of any

financial entanglement with my wife and get on with my life, update after three months divorce day,

anyway, three months down the track and I have moved things very quickly, business was sold,

houses sold, legally separated waiting for the divorce waiting period, but for all intense

purposes I have separated all our joint assets and are starting on the road in my new life,

I would never have thought that I would be where I am today three months ago, I had them,

life I wanted, a loving wife, self-employed, great family and friends, nice home,

I was looking forward to having my wife with me for the rest of our lives,

then my soon to be ex-wife fucked it all up for her and for our family by lying,

cheating and being disloyal, we had our problems like every long term couple,

but we always stayed true to each other, when she got caught, it destroyed me,

the loss of our lives together was devastating, and I could not fathom why she did this, but

this is where my life changed for me, it was not what I wanted but was decided for me by my cheating

wife, I am a pragmatic man who have always had strong family values and this has made the transition

to where I am now easy for me, I have made the decision to not let my feelings make me wallow

in self pity and I, refuse to act the victim, it gets you nowhere, with the sale of the family

home and the business, after splitting everything equally with the soon to be ex-wife I had

enough to buy. President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you, Republicans want to steal

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Two small units near my grandchildren, my son and daughter live in different states with their

partners and kids, I did this because I want my own space but be close enough to visit,

I am still working, as a previous business competitor offered me a part-time role which I have

taken up, it still gives me a lot of free time to start enjoying life again, there was a couple of

weeks that I didn't have anything to do, so I jumped on the bike and went riding, no destination

just stopped for coffee. And sightseeing, stopped at pubs at night and enjoyed a couple of drinks

before heading off the next day, what has surprised me is how the whole casual relationship seen

with woman is, and I must say I'm liking it, hooked up with a couple woman over the two weeks

with no expectations, just sex and fun with no emotional baggage, I am surprised how well I am

feeling. A few people have asked me if I ever contacted the couple that my wife cheated with,

no, I see no need, nor do I have any desire.

2. It was my soon to be ex-wife decision to cheat on me, not theirs, I want no contact with them,

they mean nothing to me, honestly the best revenge against a cheating partner is a display of

apathy and just get on with your own life, sure, you still think about what happened, but life goes

on, concentrate on yourself, my soon to be ex-wife is apparently still diluted and thinks once I calm

down and get sick of not having her there I will take her back, I have told her in no uncertain

terms that our marriage is over with no chance of reconciliation, I also told her I no longer

care what the fuck she does or who she does, it no longer has anything to do with me, just as

whatever I do no longer has any to do with her, my daughter told me that her mother is still in

denial and is very sad and embarrassed, for what she did, and she wants her to convince me to take her

back, I told my daughter that will never happen as she is only sad end, embarrassed because she got

caught and I followed through with leaving her, life is certainly different than I expected but I

am really looking forward to the future now,