Stop Wasting Your Life Waiting for the Perfect Moment!

What's up, welcome to this is Doug podcast. Are you always waiting for something to get

better hoping that you know if I just get this done then life will be good or if I just

get to this point or have this much money? Well today you're in luck we're going to talk

about why you should stop wasting your life waiting for the perfect moment. But before

we end that if you guys have questions or if you have self-help topics you'd like us

to address please you know you feel free to drop us an episode ideas you can leave a comment

on YouTube videos or you can find our email in this show notes. Anyway so I mean now I

think this is a good topic do you feel like you've ever wasted time waiting for something

to happen and hoping? So this one this one like hits home because I have this I have

this dream life that's written down that I'm not living. It's like it's like all the things

that I want to do be and have but I'm just not doing it partially because I'm afraid

of being disappointed if I do it and it just doesn't live up my expectations. That is scary

isn't it though? Yeah. Yeah. Because then like what do you do then right? Like if it sucks.

And it's like do you modify it regularly? So yes because I would say for the most I would say like

you know 80 to 90% I'm living my dream life but there are certain things that I just haven't done

like for instance like getting a dog just because I love dogs but I don't live the life right now

it's like conducive to that and also you're also in a city and stuff it makes it a lot harder to like

yeah you know take care of the dog in general I mean like it does right so all of all of these

things kind of add up but but it's still there and actually I was I've been messing around

chat chp chp 2 a whole bunch and I was actually using that to to generate images of my dream life

I was like these are all none of my dream life generate this image and it's crazy because it does

so realistically I was almost like living there in that environment and I was like whoa that's crazy

cool and but but it's I'm holding those things I pay because also there are other things that like

I've done and I've been disappointed particularly if it's something that I buy like buying anything

I just get disappointed by stuff anymore yeah and uh well no I do too I get I find I do like

buying stuff I'm constantly just like it's very rare that I'm not disappointed things except

there's feet but I think like that's why I buy so little now because the things I do buy I usually

am pretty happy with because of the things that I really really want and really need for something

rather than just like arbitrary purchases you know no I think so in terms of in terms of those

thing I'm putting them off and then also there's the other stuff where like I I deceive myself

into thinking once I do that then I'll be prepared once I do that then I'll be confident for once

I do that then it'll be easy and that's never the case but I just dilute myself well I said I

think that's the problem that was a lot of this like a lot of this future thinking and like

I guess I would say like wishing you know for things is really self-delusion a lot of it and like

you know like even the dog like all things are trade-offs right like you know like yeah getting a dog

that comes at the time of like so many good I would argue so many good things out way that the

annoying things but there's annoying things right like even when you don't feel good you got to

take the dog out you got to feed and if you want to travel you got to find somebody who wants a dog

or take the dog somewhere and even if everything works out after eight to 15 years the dog's

going to die and you're going to be heartbroken so like all those things like I consider that

so I'm just like I'm not sure if I could handle that it's funny and I talk about that all the

times we have a dog and we take it with us when we travel because it just tends to be easier

honestly than trying to find somebody and all that and like less expensive and so like it's great

and like we don't mind but it also you know it cuts into a lot of things like you know if we want to

go out the dinner you're limited due to like you know you have to find a place and a lot of places

are pretty dog friendly now which is nice but like you know in the winter and stuff it makes it

really hard to do stuff like that so it's like you don't have the options that you would have

if you would just buy yourself so your dog gets diarrhea you're waking up every 10 minutes

throughout the night and you're going to have to replace your carpet yeah exactly right like it's

you know these things happen and you have to kind of be willing for the straight-offs but I think

that's kind of the problem though I think we have this like in our head we get these ideas of

perfection but they're never going to happen like when people think of getting a dog they think

of all the good times and they don't think of all that stuff yeah exactly whatever my brother was

telling the story about his his kids wanting the French bulldog they saw the French bulldog puppies

and they wanted it so bad and then they saw an adult French bulldog like months later and they're

like ew what is that thing and he's like that's the puppy that you wanted so desperately

and it'll look like that in about three months yeah that is the worst part yeah yeah it is funny

I feel this way all the time though I really do because it's like you or I don't like you know

it's easy to get stuck in this thinking I think where you just you imagine like all I need is this

to happen and then things will be better and then it can be it can be a sort of I think like a almost

like a form of procrastination and like self-limiting where you you put off taking action

because you're waiting for like you know like let me replace this it makes more sense it's like

waiting for the perfect moment you know like when you hear people talk like I've met people

like really one kid but like we're just not ready yet you know we just need to get this done

and this done and five years later they're still talking about that right or somebody wants to

change their job and they're like well I just need this to happen and I'm just waiting to have

this much of my bank account but then something happens like the car breaks down and then that

sets them back and you know they're still doing this years later they're still doing the same thing

so it's like we set these arbitrary conditions up thinking that that would be the perfect way for

this to happen but life's never perfect and so in a way it's like self sabotage because we're

never gonna have those conditions met they're gonna enable us like I think a lot of times it's

much better just to kind of like jump in the water then to try to like you know not actually when

you're going in water because I don't like doing that but like in life right I'm trying to get like

you know comfortable with the water just jumping in because it's gonna make things like when we

start living in an analogy not in real life yeah not I really though when it's not like it's

kind of like the same life is what happens while you're busy making other plans yeah I mean it is

right it's like yeah I think a lot of times like you know do you think everything back when you

like like a lot of times like and like the choices you've made and wondered like did I actually

make that choice or was it just like what was convenient at the time or what happened to me you

know as opposed to a choice and like a lot of times because if you look I get stuck in this all

the time we're like I look back and I have more information at my fingertips now because I see

how things turned out and so like it seems like why would I make that choice but at that time I didn't

have all of this information now like I mean we did an episode a while ago on regrets and like

one of the biggest regrets that I have is just that I didn't do wrestling in like middle school

and high school yeah cuz like I like to get into fights and I would get in trouble all the time

because of that and I like to do martial arts and jujitsu and I'm like I completely missed an

opportunity just because you had to wear a spandex and yeah exactly but like it's one of the

biggest regrets because that's that was like a free like seven or eight years of just like this

awesome education what could have been and so anyways but yeah well no but I actually

said 2020 it is it's a bitch right cuz you look back and it's like all these things you could

so clearly see because you know what you want now but when your kid you don't know and there's

all those other factors involved of like you know you're worried about your quick you're worried about

your social standing all this BS you know all that other stuff that gets in the way of you decision

making when you're young especially when you're young I would argue right I think it gets easier

when you're older but yeah it's hard it is and I think we I do think we self sabotage it in the

moment we set up conditions to kind of make it harder for us to do these things because I was thinking

you know like when we started learning program I think that was like one of the best ways like it was

not a good time in the sense that like everything was perfect because we were discussing it and you're

like now is not a good time and I was like yes not a good time for me either but it's starting now

so yeah what was doing yeah and I think that was like probably the best thing we could have done

because otherwise we would have pushed it off I mean because that's the natural thing to do right it's

like you have these dreams you're like yes I really want that but at the same time you're like I'm

also not ready because you know like starting something new is going to take a well especially

learnings like a new skill like that's going to take a ton of work which it did right it's also

going to take up a lot of time it's going to mess up your schedule completely and it makes even

though it makes like better it makes everything else harder for a while because like finances right

you have to pay for things or like this and that and it's like you have to be willing to take those

chances and it might not turn out to anything that's the other scary thing I think that a lot a reason

why we do this is that you know we have these dreams but we also don't know what's going to happen

whether we're afraid of success or afraid of failure or whatever you know we could also just not

work out sometimes and then you know it's like you you feel like a failure you spent this time and

it's like but at least you tried isn't that crazy we pretend we can we can predict the future

we're like fortune tellers we know that like once this happens then the next thing will happen

and a very rarely happens like that it never happens like that yeah it's never like that it's very

interesting another thing that I was thinking about with this like why are you waiting

is just we're oftentimes putting off actually being happy and enjoying our lives

until we have something or achieve something or get something and like I think about this

particularly with possessions because there are certain things that I buy that like before I have

them I'm convinced that like once I get this that'll solve everything and like I'll be happy forever

and ever and then I get it and two days go by and I completely forgot about it and it's gathering

dust on the shelf or whatever but like it's I oftentimes go back through my through where I live

and I just look around at these things and I'm like man this was something that like

my happiness depended upon it and now I only want to think about it and yet I'm moping around

unhappy so what's going on yeah right it didn't work yeah it didn't work out you know it's

funny you never feel bad you know you ever get something you really wanted to and like

using it involves some time commitment and then you feel bad for not doing it as often as you

thought you were going to do it when you originally got it does that make sense oh yeah definitely

yeah yeah because everything like it's I've been struggling with this lot recently is just being

over committed and not only being over committed but also wanting to be very successful or perfect

in all of the things that I'm doing yeah and that is like me insane stress recently like here's

another here's another thing that I was using chat GPT for was as basically a therapist I was

like I was like it actually is a very good therapist incredible I know they incredible they did

uh they did a study actually I remember reading about this we're like it's very good at it

apparently like and it because it listens it gets good for it empathizes with you and it

doesn't get offended no you can say whatever you want to it and the other thing and it's nice

it's private yeah you're not talking to a person so you can say whatever the hell you want and you

don't have to feel like because I think a lot of times when people go and you can delete it afterwards

yeah people rationalize and stuff you don't even have to do that with this you can just say what's

on your mind right which is kind of interesting sorry it's but no you're completely right because

it's been incredible like I just gave it a prompt like I'm you're a therapist with like very high

empathy I'm going through a problem help me with this and the crazy thing I did so like after I

was talking for for a while and uh and kind of kind of working it out I asked it I was like if

you were in your if you were in my shoes what would you say to yourself and I was blown away with

how helpful that was I was just like wow that is like spot on it's yeah so it was super

helpful I would encourage people who are to mess around I mean clearly it doesn't replace

a mental health professional it's probably better than them but it doesn't replace one

well the difference I think with a real mental health professional if you find a good one

is you have a relationship with a regular person which is a little different there is a difference

but I think that you're right because like two people have bad days not everybody's equally good at

their job chat LGBT is consistent as long as you're proud but the same it's going to be just as good

you know and I think that's kind of interesting yeah and there's this study so I listened to a

whole bunch of stuff on the feeling good podcast and anyone who's listening who deals with anxiety

or depression check out the feeling good podcast because everybody will blow your mind everybody

everybody will blow your mind but I've been listening to it and so like one of the problems with

therapists is that they're they're human and so and not only that but they're they've been trained

that when a patient criticizes you they're they're deflecting or they're trying to put something

on a therapist instead of actually that they're saying something of truth yeah the therapist might

be failing and certain respect yeah exactly and the therapist needs to find a grain of truth in it

so they went through like all of these archives of recorded therapy sessions that they had

like I think it was like 5,000 or 50,000 therapy sessions and every single time when the patient

said something critical of the therapist the therapist got defensive and said like yeah like

you're wrong or are you projecting your father on me or whatever or something like yeah that's

not surprising though because they come from academia which is very very you know like I think when

people get into higher levels especially PhDs and stuff it's like I know what I'm talking about

you're wrong and it's also just uncomfortable like when somebody criticizes you it's uncomfortable

to find the grain of truth in it and to agree with them especially in the moment too because you're

doing your job where you're supposed to be you know the therapist is the authority in that situation

so you don't want you know they thought we don't like that idea of questioning authority

challenging authority you know it's like which is ridiculous because you're just people like it's

very funny how I know up in arms you get about everything when it's like yeah yeah very very yeah

so um more about what was it what was the question what are you waiting why you so it's a stop

waiting for uh you're stop wasting your life waiting for the perfect moment but I think yeah

oh go ahead we're gonna say okay so you're saying I think this is I think this is a good thing for

like the the deathbed scenario because I do this all the time like one of them a lot of times when

I go walking I listen to like motivational videos and one of them has like the beginning of it or

somewhere and it says like if you had six months left to live what would you do differently and

every time I listen to that like I start brainstorming like if I seriously you know now it's February

if in August I was gonna die like what would I do and it's I think that's really helpful for

lighting the fire underneath you in terms of what to do because it brings it into reality

yeah no it does I think that's a really good way to look at that's a good it's like there's a lot

of good exercises you can do like that to help me think about like what would I really want

and I think the first part that's really important is stop wasting your life like and it's sad

but so many people and I did the same thing are wasting their lives not doing things that they

wanted to for really stupid reasons like you know really I and I'm not saying that like I'm not

criticizing I did I'm criticizing myself too here like just to be fair like you know we do it because

we're afraid of what other people are gonna think we do because we're afraid of succeeding we do

it because we're afraid of changing our life comfortable yeah because it's uncomfortable because

of different circumstances because we don't think we're good enough all this BS that has nothing

and instead of actually like living a life that maybe maybe won't be perfect but would be better

and maybe in one of which we'd be happier you know we settle for like just garbage and I think

that's just terrible like we could be doing so much more if we just took action but it means you have

to take action and that's the part part and I like what you said there because while you were

saying that it reminded me of like the biggest motivator for me was my life becoming so miserable

that like literally the choice of continuing that life was so painful I was like I need to just

try something differently because I can't go on doing like that right like getting rock bottom

like that was kind of the thing that was like okay it's time to start making a difference

well you know it's crazy I remember I used to read when I used to teach them bioethics we used to

you know we did a lot of anecdotal evidence from people were like how to terminate on this and

then had like they would call like miraculous recovery like they doctors can explain why they got

better but in all those cases when the interviewed the patient their lives would be totally different

afterwards because it's just like I realized like I could go at any moment most of us block that out

of our heads all the time we just ignore it we don't think about the reality that we could literally

die today and so like and all those people were like you know what was I doing with my life like

you know a lot of them like maybe got out of relationships they didn't like or quit their jobs

and did some totally different travels whatever whatever they wanted to do with their lives changed

dramatically and they were way happier and you know it's funny you see similar things from people who

like hit rock bottom with like addiction and stuff and then recover because like all of a sudden

they start doing things that they wanted to do differently or starting to deal with problems

that they were facing and stuff and getting healthy and I think it's funny that we don't take this

initiative earlier we wait till it's like so bad that it's smacking us literally in the face

where I was killing us right to realize that like oh my god I could do things differently in

literally different light yeah yeah that's crazy but yeah I believe the miraculous recovery like

all the psychosomatic medicine stuff that's all along the same lines because it's all just like

if we don't if we keep lying to ourselves our body just yeah that has to find another way to tell

us what's going on medicine is also fairly new yeah we don't understand everything yeah and

there's things that just happen like you know and they can't always explain it it's also why you get

a lot of these weird like pseudoscience remedies for stuff because the person doesn't know how

they got better they just got better and so you know yeah yeah yeah absolutely all right so other

than that I think that's about why are you waiting I don't wait I think it's it's kind of like okay

so like there I think it comes down to we talk about like values and figuring out what's important

to you and I think that's an important thing because you can't do everything and if you're if

you're in a really bad spot doing anything we'll make a difference yeah but like if you're at

a point where you're you know you've got a job you've got a family you've got kids you've got

the mortgage you've got the cars you've got the pets I mean there's just you don't have any time

so like figuring out what's most important and just letting everything else kind of take care of

itself yeah which is sometimes hard to do if not impossible because you have responsibilities

right so finding carving that time out for yourself too to make those decisions also giving

yourself time to think about things actually sit down and think about them and what you really want

rather than because I think that's yet our other problem is we get stuck in like the motions

and it becomes like automatic well it's so easy it's so easy not to think because we're constantly

being indoctrinated with all the stuff we're scrolling through and so it's so easy not so easy

to be like brainwashed yeah and people you know work comes home with people are busy all the time

so you have to like literally carve that time out right yeah one of the dudes I work with

at the co-working space he works he works like 10 hour days and I'm like what are you doing

this weekend he's like I have a whole bunch of projects and you have to finish off I was like

don't you tell the people that you like you have a life that like you work at work and

but I don't know it's hard though I think that's the other problem right it's like we take on too

much we all feel like we have to be like the main person and everything and you know we have

these we have all these false beliefs that things are going to be perfect there's going to be the

way the world rests on my shoulders kind of like the Colosseum here yeah remember I had a buddy

who called me Atlas after law school you got a job and he was like he's like well it's hard

you know he's like it's a good job but it's hard like I have to work like 70 hours a week I

said damn dude I was like what are you going to do like that's like so much things like well

we said I'll make a lot and then when I retire I'll do all this stuff I'm like that is not a good

plan that is a terrible plan because one you're going to be used to doing that grinding yeah so you're

going to feel like you know a mess when you don't do anything and then you're going to have to

figure out what you like because you won't know anymore it's a very bad health but like you won't

be able to travel because you won't be able to fit into a plane seat no you won't be able to walk

upstairs wherever you go and yeah it's crazy well there you have it though so you know stop wasting

your life waiting for the perfect moment don't do that this is the excellent stock podcast if

you guys have episode ideas drop them in the comments and youtube video or email us our emails

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out on youtube or wherever your podcast until next time no later any later Danny