The 5 Pillars Of Clarity (2382)

Okay, we did an episode on Clarity, and we talked about how you essentially have to have belief

before Clarity and this whole thing, but at the end of the episode, I said, hey, we should

really do an episode on, like, what are the five most important things that you need

to be clear on to have a next-level future, and today, we are going to discuss that.

Clarity is underneath being discerning, and you have to be discerning to be successful.

These are the five.

Welcome to next-level university.

I'm your host, Kevin Paul Mary, and I'm your co-host.

Alan Lazarus.

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Welcome to next-level university.

Next-level nation today for episode number 2,382, the five pillars of clarity.

So Alan and I discussed this a little bit before we met.

One reason I don't like to discuss things very deeply before we meet is not because

I don't want to do the prep work.

It's because I want to see what comes up in the conversation.

That's the goal for me.

I want this to be a conversation about success, next-level, and in this case, clarity.

We have some that we outlined, but who knows whether or not we'll actually agree on those

as we dive deeper.

Thoughts on that.

I think it's great.

You think it's great.

The structure and the episode feels overly structured, too little, and it feels off the

rails.

So I think we are in the sweet spot lately.

I hope the listeners agree.

I think the show has been really good lately.

What?

I literally giggled myself when we were talking about film versus movie, and I said it's

the asshole that's trying to sell to you.

I had a good game.

That is good.

That's good stuff.

That's a good little dialogue.

That was good.

Yeah.

Okay.

You immediately said one when we were talking about it.

You said, dude, one of them has to be this.

What was the first one that came to mind?

Dream partner.

So relationship.

You have to know whether you want one or not.

You have to have clarity on your dream partner.

And if you don't want a dream partner, you need clarity on that.

I know maybe not everyone wants to get married.

I don't know.

Maybe it's not marriage.

It's a long-term relationship.

But at the end of the day, you have to have clarity on what you want out of your love

life.

What you want your love life to look like.

Yeah.

I would say that is, that one is hard because it requires the more relationships I had

where it was like hell no.

I thought you not want that at all.

The more it locked in what I actually did what.

That's what it is, man.

That's how clarity, that's why failing forward is so important because clarity doesn't

come.

Imagine 15 years old, I know, for me, it's going to be this baby, not a chance, not a chance

in hell.

You go in the world and you explore and you go, nope, definitely not, that was decent.

Okay.

Maybe that's not the one, but that's, there's something there.

You got to do that.

That's why I always joke.

There are no fulfilling marriages at 15, like, not a chance.

I can't even find that.

Not a chance.

I thought I wanted to get married at 15 probably, I thought I probably knew it all at

that point, you know, I don't know anything, not a freaking thing.

All right.

One of my surprise ones was you have to know what type of paradigm you want in your life.

So we talked about this a little bit a few episodes ago, but there's like family centered

and I think of the paradigm is the thing that you think is the center of your world.

I think I like that, I like that, that helps me visualize it.

But I knew pretty early on, I think in life that like family centered paradigm wasn't

my jam in terms of like, obviously, Tyron and I, family, this, this household family,

but I didn't have a family centered paradigm growing up.

Yeah.

So when I got to the age where I could leave the house or whatever it was, I, for me,

it was like, that I'm just going to go do that because it was never instilled in me

that we're a very tight-knit family and we do family things together.

We didn't, we didn't do things to, we didn't go to cookouts, we didn't do shit like

that.

Like we never did that.

We have family reunions agreed.

So naturally, it wasn't something that I gravitated towards.

I think that's super important because just because you didn't have it doesn't mean you

don't want it, but you got to know like that, that goes with the relationship piece

too.

If you're somebody who, that's what matters most to you, it's, if you don't know that,

you are setting yourself up for a life of regret potentially.

I have someone I'm coaching who is potentially headed into a very awesome relationship and

I'm excited for them.

And I said, danger zone, I know you're listening by the way, danger zone.

When you're not with the girl, you got to focus on the goals because the goal is what

built you into the man the girl wants.

And I see him, he's in the danger zone, he's focusing more on the relationship than he,

we've all been there.

You're focusing more on the relationship than your own personal development.

Do not fuck that up, I'm telling you, you are attractive because you have goals.

That is an attractive quality.

We're not on the surface, but unconsciously and subconsciously.

The ladies want a man who is driven toward a bigger, better, brighter future who can provide.

Okay.

So you got to be clear on your dream partner, your love life, boom.

You got to be clear on your paradigm.

So we need to describe paradigm better for sure because you did a first shot.

Yeah, I feel like you have a better definition.

It's your belief about, like what is the actual definition?

You know better than I, well, paradigm is a fancy word for a belief system.

And there's micro beliefs and macro beliefs, I'm going to go brief.

A micro belief is, I believe caffeine is good, I concur.

A macro belief is, I believe the purpose of life is to reach my full potential.

That's what's called a growth paradigm.

So you've never seen the second Hunger Games movie, you've never seen any of them, unfortunately.

They're phenomenal.

I've heard great things, I just never phenomenal, phenomenal, but anyways.

So in the second one, I know most people will recognize this catching fire.

The arena is a, I'm going to give it away, sure, yeah, whatever, the arena is a clock.

And the center, the whole arena is centered around this clock that every hour it moves.

And then there's like a different danger in each section.

That's a good metaphor for like, this is the thing that you subconsciously and unconsciously

your whole world revolves around.

So for you and I, we don't really care that much about the holidays.

I mean, Christmas, I love Christmas, I don't care if it's Christmas.

All right, so you have more of that paradigm than me, but it's not the center of your universe.

Okay, so one of the things that was really hard for me after my car accident is I changed

paradigms.

I used to have a friend, it used to be achievement first, friends, second, and fun third.

Probably fun second, okay, but those were my top three.

So naturally I had a ton of friends.

I loved the show friends and high school friends, college friends, corporate friends.

And I achieved a lot.

I kept the achievement one achievement is still part of my paradigm.

The friends and fun it turns out was mostly what I grew up around.

And I don't have any like any friends anymore, really.

And I think there's a very small part of me that's bothered by that.

But it would be misaligned for me.

I care way more about growth and contribution now.

So my main paradigm now is growth.

And so my belief about life is that fulfillment is a byproduct of reaching your full potential.

And my mission like we talked about in the last episode is to reach my full potential

and help others do the same.

That's a paradigm.

So these are the different examples of paradigms you've got to figure out yours.

Pleasure centered paradigm, just people who want to have a blast all the time.

Family centered paradigm Kevin already mentioned.

Work, the workaholics of the world works centered paradigm.

I don't even think that's a bad thing necessarily.

It depends on what your work is, right?

Some is being a mom or being a dad.

So that's kind of like a subset of family paradigm.

There's a bunch of them.

Career, career centered paradigm.

What is the, and here's the thing about this, you have to be fucking honest.

People in the past, you said like you just don't care about friendships.

And it's like, no, I do.

I just don't care about friendships more than my dreams.

And I had to admit that to myself.

That was hard for me.

It's like, what a, what a prick.

You care more about your goals and dreams than your friends?

Yes.

I am now at a place where I can admit that to myself and to others.

If anyone out there watching or listening, you've got to be honest with yourself like

I was telling myself a story.

And I, at 26, when I got in that car accident, I realized that my paradigms were not my own.

I inherited them from my mom and my stepdad.

And then at 26, I freed myself from that horse shit.

And by horse shit, I, maybe that is yours.

For me, it wasn't.

I adopted it.

It's what I grew up in.

I adopted it.

It's not mine.

This one is mine.

There are many like it, but this one is mine.

That's how it should feel.

It should feel like this is my paradigm, not the conditioned one I grew up around.

And to your point, you mentioned the family thing.

I had to go explore what it would be like in a family paradigm to realize that it, okay,

that really isn't it for me.

Because growing up, I lost a lot of people growing up, family issues.

And the shortest version of it is I lost three families at a time I was 14 and there's

a big story to that.

But a family paradigm was never going to be you and I's.

But we needed to experience what it was like to realize that I enjoy it.

Like I'm very close with Emilia's family, but it's not my center.

What's the better guys is the center.

So for me, maybe that will change when I have children.

We'll see.

But I'm not like super pumped about, you know, big get togethers with extended family.

It's never been, that's never really filled my cup.

I feel like I have a success centered one more than I ever realized because so much of

what I've done is just like reckless towards success.

But I just wonder where you think you have it, you evolve into it.

It's a, is it a result of something because I can see like a different, I don't know,

I can see a different version of myself that was like way more family centered potentially.

I think it comes down to whether or not you'd be fulfilled.

I don't know.

It's so hard for me.

No, I don't think I would be as fulfilled, but like imagine if I didn't do this podcast

thing, I wouldn't, and I was, I had a success paradigm.

I think family would probably be a close second because what I'm, what I wasn't getting

from, in terms of fulfillment from the, the journey and the grind and success I'd want

from somewhere else, I'd probably get that from family.

Well, the, the key here is for everyone listening, Kevin and I included, you get one life.

You said to me, you don't care about friendships, a while back, you don't care about friendships

as much as other people.

And I said, I might care about friendships more than other people.

However, I care about my goals and dreams at such an alarmingly higher extent.

So it's, it's, it's the order of importance.

It's priority order.

All of these paradigms like, dude, I have a career centered paradigm, of course, right?

And then mission, mission is one of them, mission centered paradigm.

That's like the Mother Teresa's, the Mahatma Gandhi's of the world.

You got to, you got to, here's the thing.

And is the fulfillment and regret?

And I know we got to move on to the other pillars.

But if you're super fulfilled, like I wouldn't be fulfilled without a mission.

I know because I wasn't.

And, and so everyone has to decide for themselves.

I think a lot of people are telling themselves a story about themselves.

The story you tell yourself about yourself, I have for sure.

And, and that is going to, you're going to design a life that's not really yours.

You're going to design a life based on what you think you want, not what actually fulfills

you.

And that's a whole another episode.

It is a whole another episode.

All right.

So we get, we did two.

Next.

Sport.

Sport.

So how are you going to move your body and stay physically fit slash active, slash healthy?

Yeah.

What's your sport?

You ever, well, I can't imagine it being anything other than bodybuilding.

I can, but no, no, no, no, somebody asked me the other day that they were like, I'd really

love to start martial arts.

And I was like, that's awesome.

I love it.

And they said, you, why'd you stop when you didn't, you didn't want to do it?

And I said, because honestly, I felt like I had to pick one, I do, I have to pick one.

I can't do you can't.

So here's the, here's the thing.

You have to pick one that's the center.

And then the other ones revolve around it.

So I'm a fitness fanatic in terms of weight training.

And I also run.

I'm not a runner who also weight train.

Those are two very different things.

Yes.

And for me, I said the reason I stopped going to Jiu Jitsu is because there is very specific

times where you can go.

I can exercise whenever I want.

I can't, it's very hard for me to be on somebody else's schedule when it comes to my

physical activity because it's not super sustainable for me.

That's also a paradigm, by the way.

Freedom paradigm.

That is a big one for me, for sure.

I know.

That drives a lot of what you do and don't do.

That's a big one for me.

I don't, not that I don't, I like it.

I like going to classes and I enjoyed that.

But it's like, I can't, oh, it's 10 o'clock.

Too bad.

I can't, I can't be fucking rolling around, sweating on somebody else at 10 o'clock when

there's clients texting me.

I can't do that because the success is more important to you than rolling around, right?

This all comes down to priority order.

Yeah.

I think that that's a very mature conversation.

When you're young, you want to believe, at least I did.

You want to believe you can do it all.

I had that for sure.

Yeah.

It's like I can snowboard and play basketball and be good at table tennis and billiards and

I can party and I can be successful and and and and and and and it's like not a fucking

chance.

No way.

Like, but again, we did that episode not long ago where some people have to believe they

can be, they need to say yes to more things because they don't believe enough in themselves

and other people believe they can do whatever so it's hard to choose.

So now we've got sport, pick your sport and then I still I'm going to play basketball.

I'm still going to swim.

I'm still going to run.

I'm just that's not my thing.

I'm not a runner who weight trains.

I'm a weight trainer who also runs.

That's the key.

Syntax matters.

Why don't you, why don't you identify as a bodybuilder?

The steroids, there's very few bodybuilders who aren't who are still natural athletes.

So it's hard for me not to mention I'm focused on longevity.

These bodybuilders are not, I mean, these a lot of these bodybuilders just statistically

speaking are going to die very young.

The steroid use is insane.

It's excessive.

It's gotten really, it's gotten really excessive and your, your heart can't handle that shit.

And so I have trouble identifying as a bodybuilder because I know the implications of that identity.

I don't want to be too big to wipe my own ass.

I mean, this is, this is ridiculous with some of these guys.

I think it's, it's excessive.

It's too much.

That's my truth.

I watched a video yesterday with the world's strongest man at one point, I don't remember

the guy's name, but he won world's strongest man like five times, no, different guy.

And he was talking about his like cycle, there's, there's like this new thing called enhanced

games where like everybody takes steroids.

I think it's super cool because they're going to do research and figure out like what

actually happens to you.

So it's fucking pretty reckless, honestly, but it is, I mean, yeah, it's wearing a weird

time.

There's like 14 year old kids jumping on steroids, it's fucking insane.

Yeah.

That's different conversation.

Yeah, it is.

Different conversation.

I appreciate the question.

And this also comes down to identity, you bring up identity, all of this clarity comes

back to you.

Like what do these five things have to do with?

They have to do with who you are in your uniqueness.

All of us play sports, all of us exercise, all of us fall in love, all of us have careers.

But what's your career?

What's your person?

Like that's got to be where we go, which is you've got to be, yeah, clarity on that.

If you're not clear, like clarity, it's, it sounds like, oh, I know now, no, it, you

watched what episode seven, 84 or something, something like that.

I watched episode 25, you had a glass of whiskey in your hand, we were on some couch.

It's your couch.

But I mean, we had so much less clarity back then.

Like I was listening to myself and I, I could feel.

I could see, I could feel, I could think I could understand how little I understood compared

to now.

And I, I don't think I understood less than other people my age by any means, you know,

but I definitely didn't have this level of clarity because you just, I mean, put eleven

years on of just experimenting and getting more feedback.

It's like, okay, I'm never doing that again.

That's done.

That's done now.

But that's one of my things, and I think that this is a good insight for everybody.

Get really good at elimination.

It's like, I remember I went to dinner with somebody.

This is years and years and years ago, and I remember on the way home, I was so sad,

I just listened to like sad music and I just cried and I was like, that's the last time

I'm going to see that person.

That's the end.

Because every time I see them, I regret it.

So I got to, I wish, I wish I had infinite time.

I wish, if I had infinite time, I'd go get dinner with them again.

Never again.

And I remember thinking like, that's the end.

That's it.

You got to mourn the loss in advance.

Okay.

And that's what this is, by the way, you know, you're not going to play 16 sports.

That would be a good one is like, what are, what are the trade-offs you're willing to

make and what are the trade-offs you're not willing to make?

That would be a really dude.

That would be a really good one.

Because I think some people end up regret, I think some people get into whatever it is

that they want to do and they lose sight of character.

And they do some shady shit that you can never, you can never put that back.

Well, to the bodybuilder thing, it's like, who's the guy who died at like 26 over to

the heart attack?

That's dude.

Dallas McCarve.

There's so many.

So dude, it's like, you got to figure they regret it.

I don't know and maybe they say they don't, right?

It's like, who's the really famous one that like, Rich Piano himself?

Oh, yeah.

Rich Piano, Ronnie Coleman.

Ronnie Coleman.

Yeah, you know, he's limping on stage, like he doesn't regret it, but how do you know

that's not ego?

And again, I don't know.

I don't know.

At the end of the day, everyone has their thing, but I think a lot of that's ego.

I think if they were really vulnerable and honest, they'd say, yeah, I didn't live

an optimal life.

I made some sacrifices I can never take back.

I don't know, man, because some of the people I followed literally would talk about

it.

Like, there was a guy I followed for a while who like just ran steroid tests on himself.

He's like, this is terrible.

Like I'm not going to be here for a long time.

But he, he, he talked about it openly.

He told people about it.

And he, I think he made it to like 30.

He died at like 30 crazy, crazy.

But bodybuilding, his mom and dad were professional bodybuilders.

His girlfriend was a professional bodybuilder.

All of his friends were, but it's like, I don't, I don't know, it's weird.

It's weird.

Okay.

On a more positive note, you have to figure out what motivates you.

That was one of the ones that I said, you have to know what your M of motivation is.

So let's see if I can do this without butchering it.

Mastery.

So getting really good at stuff, you want to be the best in the world at something.

That is what motivates you.

Okay.

That's obviously going to shift your paradigms.

That's one movement slash freedom.

That's mine.

Being able to do what I want, what I want, even though I can't, I can actually do less

of what I want, what I want now than I ever have.

It feels like I do more.

That's not true.

No, no, that's not true.

You can't.

But you don't.

No, because I can't.

But you can't.

No, because all this would die.

That's okay.

That's okay.

You mean that's okay.

Of course it does.

I had an argument with one of my clients recently.

She's like, no, that's not an option.

I said, no, no, but it is.

You've convinced yourself it's not.

Well, yeah, good.

I could jump off a building and think I can fly.

That's my point.

It is an option.

You are making that choice.

And again, that's not what the episode's about.

I just, you could do whatever you want today.

If I was willing to deal with the repercussions.

Exactly.

Fair, fair, fair.

The trade-offs.

All right.

You have more freedom than you used to.

Dude, you used to have to be on a certain job site.

I had a certain time.

I realized you still have that a little bit.

But like, it's not the same.

No, it's not.

Instead of five days a week, it's six and a half now.

So it's gone.

No, it is the best.

I actually find that.

Very, very clearly, very clearly.

I love this.

All right, movement slash freedom mastery

get really good at something.

Meeting slash romance.

Alan doesn't like that.

He wants it to be marriage.

But like, there are some people out there

that are just super driven by the sex they are attracted to.

And they're not thinking about marriage.

They're thinking about boning.

And yeah, yeah.

I'm not going to say you have to get married.

How old are they?

You know, they're not going to do that forever.

Look, man, Leonardo DiCaprio is one

of the greatest actors of our time.

He is a, I won't even speak on it.

He, that man has problems.

For sure, Leo, I'm sorry.

If you're listening to this podcast,

but you got to figure it the fuck out.

He's not getting married.

I think Leonardo DiCaprio is going to get married.

I'm just saying you, you literally just proved my point.

Next level university is supposed to stand

for what's best for you.

Not I concur.

And yeah, maybe you don't want to get married.

But mating.

Look, man, I don't fucking.

I tried to find a better end.

That we need another end.

If you have a good end, Instagram DM us.

Yeah, Instagram DM.

So that's one mission.

That's a very, very big one.

Is that all five?

Am I missing one?

Movement, mastery, mission, mating, money.

Money, you forgot money.

Money slash materials.

Materials.

Yeah, money slash materials.

Nice homes, nice cars.

That's a big one.

That's a big one for me.

That's a big one for me.

So you got to have clarity on that.

Okay, so we're going to wrap this up.

Yeah, we got sport.

Sport.

Relationship.

Relationship.

Yep.

Love life, we'll call that.

Yeah.

Which, what motivates you most?

Yep.

What motivates you most?

Which we will put a digital asset in the show notes.

Five M's of motivation.

They're all descriptions.

Boom.

Paradigm.

Sport.

I already said sport.

Paradigm.

Paradigm.

And then one more.

One more.

Didn't we have one more?

Nope.

Maybe.

Maybe we did, but we're going to give a bonus.

I don't think we did have one more.

I think Paradigm screwed it up because we talked about career

and all that's true.

Well, you said you career, you got to know your thing.

This goes to the last episode.

So if you haven't listened to the last episode,

go back and listen to it.

You have to have clarity on what it is that you are going

to contribute to the world.

You have to have clarity on your craft.

I get a heavy one.

Okay, I got a heavy one.

And again, you don't have to do anything.

You, it would benefit us all from a level of clarity

to know how long you want to live on this fucking planet.

Yeah, agreed.

Because that is going to change everything.

And you have to set that knowing it's not guaranteed.

Nothing is guaranteed, but you increase your chances.

There was a study that was done where they had two groups.

One of them had really positive use of aging.

One of them had really negative use of aging.

Seven and a half years longer.

Seven and a half years longer.

That's more than smoking, drinking.

It's your positive relationship with aging.

And what they found is the people who believe

that aging will make their life better,

invest in longevity.

They do things now for the bigger, better, better future.

It makes perfect sense.

If you believe in it more,

if you believe in your long term more,

you're going to invest in it more.

And then you're going to achieve more.

And so, Emilia and I are preparing now

for our 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s.

Like I genuinely think about that every day.

Right, there are things I did today.

Like if I was only going to live one more year,

I'd live very differently.

I wouldn't be on this podcast.

You know what I mean?

It's not a lot lately.

I still think I'd be on this fucking podcast, maybe.

You might have to pull me off here.

No.

That'd be spending time with Emilia.

Right, you've got to understand.

And again, I have people that I know

that are dealing with terminal illnesses.

Like they're not supposed to be investing 50 years from now.

They're supposed to be getting taken care of this now.

And that, I know that's a heavy one,

but yeah, I think that's, you've got to,

I would say have a goal.

Have a goal.

Maybe you want to live to 100.

Maybe 80, the average life expectancy right now is 80.

It's a little higher for women, but globally it's 80.

In Japan, it's higher.

In certain countries, it's slower.

But 80 is a good thing to shoot for at least.

And it's not just about getting to 80.

It's about the quality of life along the way.

I don't want to be frail when I have children.

I don't want to be frail when I'm 60.

Like, I want to prepare for that now.

Okay.

Last piece, the craft.

So we're giving a bonus actually, because this is six.

Okay, sport, love life, mortality,

M's motivation, paradigm, paradigm,

and craft.

I use speak on craft.

I don't, when I hear craft, I think mac and cheese,

craft macaroni cheese.

I don't, for me, it's not a, it's like profession.

Okay, craft, never resonated with me.

Okay, what is your profession?

I'm a podcaster.

Okay, how do you get better at that?

Do a million episodes, all the episodes,

more episodes than anybody has ever done?

No.

Deliberate practice.

Deep practice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to get better at it right now in podcasting.

If, as I said this to you before, flowing more,

making it a conversation about success

is supposed to like, coming in and having to know

what are the five?

Like, I want to have an idea, but I want to be able

to talk about what the five are.

I just want to, I want to be more of a conversationalist

than a podcaster.

And whatever your craft or profession is,

you have to create, look up, deliberate practice.

There's bullet points.

Some people get worse over time.

There's a study about surgeons getting better over time

because necessity is so high.

You can't kill patients.

Like, you have to be, you get immediate feedback.

Emilia and I in the gym, we give each other immediate feedback.

Not so much that we kick ourselves out of flow,

but so much that we get better.

Immediate feedback is really important.

That's why coaching is so valuable.

You have someone, I actually said this to Emilia in the car today.

We got home from the gym.

I said, I'm so grateful to have a peak performance partner

every day.

Every day I have a peak performance partner.

She was on the treadmill right next to me, hammering.

It's like, this would suck.

I don't remember when I used to do this shit alone.

That used to fucking suck.

I mean, it was still better than not doing it,

but it's not even close to what it is now.

So I can't imagine I'd be a very good surgeon.

Definitely not.

I left my, I leave golf clubs all the time

on like the whole, like the past hole is all the time.

I'd be the guy like, oh my God, where's my fucking scalpel?

Oh my God.

Oh, it's still in the patient.

I'm hoping it drops it.

I'm trying to get it back.

The abdominals.

Gotta get it back.

And we're not making light of that.

And I'll practice this bike.

This is a joke.

This is a joke.

You see like the patient like walking out

and it's got like the scalpel in the back of their head.

It's like, come you, there it is.

There it is.

What do you do in the patient's head?

Out of all these, what do you think is the most important one?

We, we're not gonna get too episodes done.

Apparently we can, we can go a little bit longer.

I mean, paradigm is the most important.

Yeah.

Paradigm.

What do you believe?

This is why philosophy.

I remember there was a time in engineering school

when Greg, first name is only Greg.

He's like, I'm taking philosophy.

I remember being like, why?

He's like, that's exactly it.

That's the question, you know?

Greg.

No, no, no, it's the question.

Greg, Greg was a deep dude.

Greg is a deep dude.

I worked with him at Cognix as well.

I get a hell of a referral bonus for that.

But he was always deep.

He was existential.

He thought about why I'm doing what I do.

And paradigm is most, statistically speaking,

a lot of people are on autopilot.

I said this to a client.

I said, I've never once done something

and not first thought about why I'm doing it.

And she's like, people do that all the time.

Of course they do.

I think I was being playful.

I'm sure there's times I do that, of course.

I'm not thinking about everything I'm doing at all times.

But very rarely am I not analyzing my behavior.

One of my favorite things about this journey

is most of the things that you've been doing

for most of your life, I have it.

That's like one of my favorite things.

Why?

Because it gives me a perspective that you don't have.

Can't have, yeah.

Yeah.

And that you would never get.

I know.

And I would never get.

Yeah.

I know when I've crossed chasm,

where it's like, oh, I think differently now.

I didn't think like that before.

Oh, I can actually think like I can think

that what I'm doing with our finances,

it's like, I'm in control.

This is, it's incredible.

That's do that.

You need to teach that.

Look, look what you just said.

How easy would that be for you to sell?

I can't sell it like that.

Oh my God, I'm so shocked that I'm dialed in.

Can you imagine?

Well, tune in tomorrow for the next level financial course.

It's only three easy payments of $997.

Million dollars.

Million dollars.

Million, but Julian.

But it's just, it's a, it, but don't you see why you have to be

that?

I do.

Because you have very, you can build a bridge.

Yes.

To what was versus what is now.

Dude, I've never not tracked my numbers in things I do.

Like my mile time, 727 was my last one.

Like when I was a little kid, I knew my GPA.

I knew my, you know what I mean?

I don't, I can't say, oh, I started tracking things.

My whole life transformed.

It's like, dude, what?

I'm the opposite.

I'm like, I can't believe people wing it.

I remember when I was at Cognix speaking of Greg,

we track everything.

It's a CRM system.

You track everything.

You're in sales.

And it was easy because I just knew

I was winning.

I was at the top chart.

Like, okay, I guess I'm going to, you know, you don't,

you don't have to be all in.

You just have to be, you, let me explain this better.

Everything of high value has a scoreboard.

The box office, the NBA, the NFL,

you, you, you don't, how do you know what's valuable?

If there's no price tag, there's no scoreboard,

there's no metrics like in video games,

how do you know who's the best?

Statistics, in baseball, how do you know who's the best?

Statistics, in football, how do you know who's the best?

Statistics, like, there's no meaning

when you take away the numbers.

There's no, there's no, there's no way to measure it.

Like, how do you know what this house is worth?

Can you imagine?

Well, what's the square footage?

I don't know.

When was it built?

No idea.

Right?

It's like, is it 1950s or 2007?

Or like, well, it's got cathedral ceilings.

Okay.

How much, what's the square footage?

Uh, enough between one and 6,000?

Enough.

Like, everything is numbers.

Everything.

Everything of value is number.

Like, how do you know the difference?

Why do IMDB have ratings?

8.5 on IMDB.

Like, it means something.

So that's different.

I would push back though.

I could, this is taking out a context.

You can't say nothing.

What did you, what did you say?

Numbers give meaning.

Yeah, that's bullshit.

I don't know if that'll agree with that.

Well, we got to have a conversation.

What's the number in relationships?

Are you kidding me?

You, I'm sure you have, but I'm saying like,

how do you measure UV media?

John Godman.

Sure.

Sure, sure.

Tell me that.

I know.

Sure, sure.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

UV media watching a movie.

Yeah, not talking.

There's meaning to that.

Of course there is, but what are the fucking numbers too?

What are the numbers?

What are the numbers of fulfillment compared to with my ex

that I, well, yeah, but are you tracking that?

You are.

Yes, of course I am.

But what I'm saying is how do you know what to do

and what not to do if you don't track anything?

I just, my point, see, you are measuring it,

whether you know it or not.

Your emotional experience is a measurement.

Zero to 10, how fulfilled are you today?

Today was a terrible day, not really.

Seven today.

Okay, nice.

So, so how much more fulfilled are you with Aaron

than your past partners?

But infinite numbers.

Okay, so what do you just stumble upon?

But all I'm saying, let me build a fucking bridge here.

All I'm saying is if you're out there,

you might not be equating it like that.

Agreed.

Yeah.

You might not be thinking you are unconsciously though.

All right, let me, let me sit down here.

Okay, let me write it this up.

I always spent five hours today.

I give that a six, cool.

Into Missy last night was great.

I give that a nine.

10 maybe.

And then that's all I'm saying is,

but that's what people are doing unconsciously.

That's what the brain does.

Yes, but unconscious, we got to build a bridge to,

yeah, to making it a practice.

So, so, well, I'm glad you said that though.

And I wasn't trying to shush, I wasn't shushing.

I know, I know.

I just, dude, John Gottman Bid system was taught to me

by your wife, like she's the one who suggested that.

Yeah, yeah.

And that's all, like relationships,

I coach couples, we have number, like,

what's zero to 10, how humble is your partner?

That's a big one.

But you've got to build all I'm saying is,

you've got to build a bridge.

Like, if you're listening and you know who,

Dr. John Gottman is, you are ahead of the curve.

Like, you are in the one percent.

Like, most people don't know who that person is.

You're not very well know.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

So like, very, very, very well, we can do.

Yeah, I mean, they could predict a divorce

with 94% accuracy.

I'm just listening right now.

I was, I went back to sales,

but I was listening to the seven,

seven, some things of making marriage work.

Dr. John Gottman.

Incredible.

It's great, great.

Boring.

That's shit.

Yeah, if you're disrespectful once,

you have to do five positive things

just to gain a couple of neutral.

Yeah, the bid system.

The bid system.

Look it up.

If you haven't heard of it, look it up.

It's great.

The relationship game changer.

All right, what's your, what's your summary here?

Okay.

One of the ways to get clarity is measuring things.

So obviously, I'm on the very,

I'm on the very high end of this.

I know.

I know.

It's gotta go back to you.

I gotta laugh.

No, no, no, it's not that.

It's, that is my takeaway.

Because you're right, dude, I,

I do think that your life is entirely subjective.

Like if you take away numbers,

you take away the internet, you take away,

phones, cameras, you take away bridges,

you take away statistics, you take away sports,

you take, everything's gone when numbers are gone.

Everything, your backdrop was built in a factory

that has numbers, like physics, chemistry, numbers.

This is all, so it's not my opinion.

Like how do you know if a business is successful?

The numbers, baby.

The numbers.

Can you have a successful business

without knowing the numbers?

Yes.

Can you maximize the success of a business?

No, knowing the numbers.

No, no.

So you fly in an airplane, you've got an altitude,

you've got wind speed, right?

Everything, if nothing comes of this episode,

you have to learn how to measure your own level of fulfillment

and regret.

If you regret is at a 10 and your fulfillment is at a zero,

stop doing that shit.

If your fulfillment is at a 10 and your regrets at a zero,

do more of it, baby.

And then ride that as much,

and then go, okay, I'm doing too much, right?

You should always be your emotional guidance system

is supposed to be optimized for the best life possible.

It's doable.

It's as an engineer, this is like a,

the human condition,

brain, body, mind, heart, soul, it all aligns.

How do you determine quality of life?

So you're at a 10 now, how high is your quality of life?

Some people have a terrible quality of life,

but they think it's good

because they're around a bunch of people with a terrible one.

And all they've ever had is a terrible one.

So like, how do you know what to do

and not do if you're not measuring things?

Just the only wrong answers to not measure anything.

That would have been a good one too,

is like what are the most important things to measure?

Well, we could do it episode on that for sure.

Are you sure you still want to?

No, I don't.

I'll do it for you out there.

Whether you're watching or listening,

I think it's super, again, dude, again,

I don't, this isn't to height myself up,

but I've been measuring my weight for a long time.

I don't think it's a coincidence that,

and for a long time, I wasn't measuring almost anything else.

So the coconut milk, huge out,

we can, we should pick on me for that.

I don't know, I'm not saying we'd pick it yet.

I said, you can tell the story if you so choose.

This is the value of numbers.

Email and I have started creating making coconut creating,

making coconut rice.

It was bomb, unbelievably good.

A little bit of sea salt.

Oh, unbelievable.

And I thought almond milk is probably like what?

80 calories per cup to maybe 120, depending,

which one you get, 30.

I knew it was calories.

Okay, I wasn't that stupid.

I knew there was calories,

but I was thinking maybe 150 per cup.

Max, 400 per cup.

We did two cups per evening.

Like, I figured out why my 10 pound and 10 week challenge

is needing me to run all these miles.

The truth of the matter is,

we did this for like a week and a half.

What is that?

At least a pound of coconut milk from me.

400 per night for a week and a half.

We'll call that 7, 8, 9, 10 days.

10 days, 10 times 400, 4,000 calories.

There's a pound right there.

I have eaten a pound worth of coconut milk

in my rice without even knowing it,

because I wasn't measuring.

And that was unintelligent.

You were measuring the wrong thing.

You're measuring the taste.

When Alan was like, dude, it's so good.

I immediately was like, something is wrong.

When did you really think 41 grams of fat?

That's like that.

I didn't know coconuts had that in it.

I knew coconuts did.

And if you were getting like the thick coconut milk,

it's great.

I assumed it was like able to be poured

out of a jug, not like thick.

Yeah, it was thick.

It was thick.

Yeah, just a dash of sea salt and 40 Gs of fat.

That'll do it.

That'll do it.

That'll do it.

The rice cooker is going right now.

Only water.

It will be devastating.

It's gonna be devastating, but it is what it is.

I love the truth.

The truth is I know you don't like to pick on me.

That's not what I think pick on is a wrong word.

You don't really don't like to pick on people.

I understand.

I understand.

Neither do I.

I don't want to be disrespectful.

I need everyone to know.

I think that was idiotic.

That was genuinely idiotic of me.

I was just winging it.

Imagine, listen, that was a week and a half.

What if I went a year?

If I went a year, how many pounds would that be?

You'd be running 10 miles a day.

That's what I'm saying.

See, one miscalculation can destroy your goals.

All right, squad, if you want to make sure

you achieve your goals, we have many different opportunities

to you, whether it's Alan's coaching,

the dreamliner, next level nation,

which Alan and I are back in,

Crankin showed up to all of you for being patient

while we fucked that up, but we are back.

I promise a bunch of different places for you

to get to the next level.

So if you're interested to reach out to Alan and or myself,

directly or visit nextleveluniverse.com.

As always, we love you.

We appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you.

And if you are as committed as you say you are

to getting to the next level, make sure to tune in tomorrow

because we will be here every single day

to help you get there.

Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Next level nation.

Thanks for joining us for another episode

of next level university.

We love connecting with the next level family.

We mean it when we say family.

If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly.

Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.