Way 17: Limited Intimacy – The Secret to Lasting Passion

In episode seventeen of the 48 Ways series during the Omer, Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe teaches B’Miut Derech Eretz (limited intimacy / controlled desires). Just like the previous way on limited business, this does not mean total avoidance or minimization for its own sake, but rather achieving balance and proper control so that physical pleasures serve their higher purpose.

Rabbi Wolbe explains that the single greatest desire of every human being is happiness, not raw sexual pleasure. God created us for pleasure and placed physical desires in the world for us to enjoy — but only in the right way, with balance, so they become real, lasting, and uplifting rather than fake, cheap, or degrading. The Ramchal (Mesilat Yesharim) teaches that man was created for pleasure, yet most people settle for cheap, effortless pleasures instead of working for genuine, godly, eternal ones.

Intimacy is a powerful barometer of self-control and desire management. The wedding blessing under the chuppah beautifully expresses the Torah’s balanced approach: certain relationships are strictly forbidden, while within marriage, physical intimacy is not only permitted but elevated into something holy — a reflection of our relationship with God. A healthy marriage and proper observance of the laws of Niddah (family purity) create 12 “honeymoons” a year, keeping excitement and freshness alive even after decades together. This explains the dramatically lower divorce rates in Torah-observant communities.

Rabbi Wolbe uses the powerful metaphor of a luxury car and a high-school graduate receiving a red convertible from his wealthy uncle with the condition that he must return it whenever called. The periodic separation heightens anticipation and appreciation — exactly what the Torah’s system of Niddah accomplishes in marriage. He contrasts this with hookup culture, pornography, and instant gratification, which provide cheap, temporary thrills but no lasting fulfillment.

Additional points: too much of anything (even barbecue potato chips or chocolate) ruins the pleasure; the Torah elevates physical acts rather than rejecting them (unlike celibate traditions); all wisdom, including scientific concepts like pi, is embedded in Torah; and marriage is a holy unification that mirrors and deepens our connection with the Almighty. The goal is not to suppress desires but to channel and balance them so they bring us closer to God and true happiness.

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Recorded in TORCH Centre - Studio B on May 13,  2022, in Houston, Texas.
Released as Podcast on June 8, 2022

The 49 days we count between Pesach (Passover) and Shavuot are an exciting time for powerful and impactful change. The Mishna (Avot 6:6) teaches us 48 masterful tools and ways to maximize life and get the most out of each day.
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About the Host:
Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH in Houston, brings decades of Torah scholarship to guide listeners in applying Jewish wisdom to daily life.  To directly send your questions, comments, and feedback, please email: [email protected]

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Listen More
Other podcasts by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe: 

• NEW!! Hey Rabbi! Podcast: https://heyrabbi.transistor.fm/episodes
• Prayer Podcast: https://prayerpodcast.transistor.fm/episodes
• Jewish Inspiration Podcast: https://inspiration.transistor.fm/episodes
• Parsha Review Podcast: https://parsha.transistor.fm/episodes
• Living Jewishly Podcast: https://jewishly.transistor.fm/episodes
• Thinking Talmudist Podcast: https://talmud.transistor.fm/episodes
• Unboxing Judaism Podcast: https://unboxing.transistor.fm/episodes
• Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection: https://collection.transistor.fm/episodes

For a full listing of podcasts available by TORCH at http://podcast.torchweb.org
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Keywords:
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