The Adventures of Maisie - The Green Suit Bank Job

Hi, a baby. Say how about that? Ouch.

Does that answer your question, buddy?

The Adventures of Macy, Starring and Southern.

You all remember, Metropolitan Mayor's name is Macy Pictures.

In just a moment, you'll hear Macy in radio, starring the same glamorous star you all went to see and loved on the screen, and Southern.

But first, you're an answer.

And now, here's Anne Southern as Macy.

Yeah, if I'm Macy, like the man said, Macy Revere.

I'm of the theater. Of course, I could have had speaking parts in the legitimate dramatic productions that wasn't for one handicap.

I was born with a Brooklyn accent, but I ain't kicking about that.

Look at the handicap of scum comes into the world with.

Anywhere there's an awful lot of people in this world that are worse off than me.

Of course, I have only one pair of shoes, but so what? I only have one pair of feet.

So you see, that's why I'm out today on an errand of Macy.

I'm going from door to door, gathering old discarded clothes for the poor folks linked as blessed as you and me.

Now, here's the house I'm sure has lots of old clothes they don't need.

I can tell by that post through in the window, Alphland and the president they never throw anything away.

Yeah, good morning, madam.

I'm collecting old discarded clothes for the needy of this town.

Goodie, goodie for you. Good day, Miss. I've got a lot of things to do with you.

Oh, please, madam. This is really an emergency.

While there are little boys in this town who have to go around barefoot it, you wouldn't want your little boys to go around without shoes, would you?

I'd love it. Then maybe my furniture wouldn't get so scratched up.

Now, if you don't mind.

I'm sure you don't have something worn and useless around the house that you could give to a poor family.

No, not a thing.

Well, what about your husband?

Don't be silly. What would a poor family do with my husband?

Good day, Miss. I'm sorry I have no clothes to give you.

Oh, well, what about your grandchildren?

Grinch? Miss, I'm a very young woman.

Oh, well, perhaps it's that horrible looking dress you're wearing that makes you look so old.

This dress makes me look old.

Mm-hmm. Why? Like you're at the age where a cup of tea would rest.

Well, I'm taking it off right now.

Give it to some poor woman.

There you are.

Thanks.

Madam, I'm sure some poor person could use that girl you're wearing.

It's much too small for you, you know.

It is.

Oh, my corset here charged me $30 for it.

She charged you $30 for that girl?

Yes.

Do you think I was taken in?

Yeah, but not enough.

Well, you may have it too, then, for the poor.

Help me get it all.

It's all right.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, who's there?

I'm sort of a charity worker.

I collect all clothes for poor unfortunate people.

Oh, good.

I can use a suit and shoes.

Well, I came here to see if you had some clothes you don't need.

Are you kidding?

I got a new audition for a partner playing.

I'm sitting here wrapped in a blanket.

Oh, are you an actor?

I ain't an Indian.

Hey, say maybe you got a suit or something I can wear for the audition.

Well, I've collected so far as it rests in a girdle.

Say, I'm still making rounds for discarded clothes.

Maybe if I had an idea of your size, I could dig something up for you.

Open the door.

You open it, lady.

I'm too weak to turn the knob.

Well, I don't know about shoes, but a suit maybe.

Bill.

Bill not.

Oh, I see.

Amazing, Rafael.

Don't mind the way I look, Maisie.

They ain't making these blankets with as much drape as they used to.

Oh, gosh.

Bill, it's good to see you again.

I haven't seen you since we did that picture together in Hollywood.

Yeah, what have you been doing lately, Maisie?

Oh, not that.

I got a chance coming up to audition for a tryout for a benefit.

Oh, well, things not breaking for you, too.

Yeah, pretty slow.

But that audition a year is for the show, Bill.

You mean you don't have a suit away?

Oh, nothing, but that one over there.

Oh, I see.

Looks like a sunset with sleeves.

Oh, I don't mean the color.

Green with yellow stripes is real smart, Maisie.

The latest thing from London.

Everybody wears suits like that on the other side.

So smart, I'll say.

Maybe you should wear that one on the other side.

It probably looks better with the line and show it.

Well, it's not that, Maisie.

Take a good look at it.

Ever see as many wrinkles in your life?

Yeah.

If it had cords, you could use it for a Venetian blind.

Oh, why not take the suit to the tailors and have it pressed?

When do you need it for it?

Tonight, but...

Oh, that broke.

And I can't budge from the room, either, Maisie.

In case a call comes to my agent for something better.

Well, look, I got to drop these old clothes off to a poor old woman

who lives with her unemployed son, Roland, down the slums.

The salvage outfit gave me their address.

And I'll take your suit to the tailors on the way.

Oh, you know, Maisie.

I don't think you've got a selfish bone in your body.

Ah, I don't kid you self, sonny.

You should catch me racing for an empty seat in the subway.

See you later.

Well, gee, Ma, I'm so excited and nervous.

Just think this is my first job.

And if I make good, Ma, I'll take it out of this here dump

and buy a real nice clothes.

Oh, Roland, my son, I'm so proud of you.

When you were a little boy, your father and I

thought you'd never amount to anything.

But just look at you today.

Ready to rob your face bank.

Yeah.

Well, it's getting late, Ma.

I'd better get the way past.

Sonny, you crazy?

You're not going to rob the bank in your new suit.

Why not?

Why not, yes.

Suppose you get shot, you'll get a hole in it.

Hey, shall you go grab him, Ma?

You duck in a kitchen, son.

And don't let me catch a swipe in any of them cookies I just baked.

If there's anything I can't stand, it's a crook.

Go on now.

OK, Ma.

Yeah.

What do you want, girly?

Good afternoon, your poor old thing.

I'm heading out close to the needy.

Can you use this dress, Ma?

Oh, yeah, dearie.

Bless you.

Well, then here you are.

I say, that's their suit over your arm.

The green one with yellow stripe?

Yeah.

Scary looking in it.

Not for my son.

In this family, the men folks are sort of used to wearing stripes.

Could you maybe let me have it for my role and maybe have?

Oh, well, I'm sorry, Ma.

But they owner it through the jet.

I'm just bringing it to the tailors to be pressed.

You see, the owner needs it for a job.

Oh, please, Miss.

My role and needs a suit too.

He also has a job.

Only he has to go there without a thing to wear.

Where is this job in a Turkish bath?

Uh, no.

He's, um, shall we say, enter in a bank?

Oh, and the green suit matches the money.

Yeah.

Oh, well, see, I'm off, sorry, but the owner of this suit.

Roland would only need it for about an hour.

Oh, just long enough to cinch the job.

Yeah, you might say that.

It's his first job, Miss.

And I promised his poor old father before he was electric kid.

Before he passed away,

that I do all I could to see that Roland got a chance

to carry on the family heritage.

Your husband was a bank worker?

Exclusively.

Oh.

And he always wanted Roland to follow in his fingerprint.

I mean, footprints.

Well, I promised Roland's father.

Well, Bill, really don't need this suit till tonight.

He can have it back in an hour.

I'll press it for him too.

Well, all right.

Here.

I'll be back for it in an hour.

Oh, thank you, Miss.

You're very good.

Tell your friend I'll pray for him.

Who was it, Mom?

Santa Claus, look.

Look what she left you to wear when you robbed the bank.

Gee, a green suit with yellow stripes.

Hey, ain't that going to be sort of conspicuous?

That's the idea, Jake.

When you get through with the job,

the suit goes back to the goon that owns it.

And then when the cops look for a guy

wearing a green suit with yellow stripes.

Oh, gee, Mom.

You're the crook of this connivinous name I ever knew.

Ah.

Yeah, just saying that because I'm your mother.

Say that again, Maisie.

What happened to my suit?

I told you, Bill.

I was walking along the street

when this boy came up to me and said,

give me that suit, lady or I'll shoot.

Hmm.

And what did this boy look like?

Well, he looked like he meant it.

Maisie, I don't believe you.

You mean you don't believe a man held me up?

Man.

Before you said it was a boy.

Well, he grew up.

How could he grow up so fast?

Spider-man pills.

Oh, Maisie, I have an audition tonight.

And I want you to get me that suit right now.

You mean the green one?

Yes, the green one.

And I want it before it gets dark.

Oh, we won't get dark, Bill.

It'll always stay green.

Get me that suit.

That's all the money for the second national bank job.

Ma, believe me, $28,000.

Well, it's about time you got back.

What took you so long?

On the way out, I stopped to get my pocket check validated.

What a dope.

Here is the green suit with the stripes that I wore.

Ma, there's a little bullet hole in the sleeve

and a coat from one of the God's bullets.

Well, thank goodness it just went through the sleeve.

Yeah.

Yeah, if I were shot through the heart,

it might have given me hotburn, huh?

That must be the damn back for the suit, son.

You'll go into the bathroom and take a bath.

Okay, Ma.

Where are my toy bolts?

They're still in the tub from last month.

Hello, Ma.

I came back to the suit if your son is through with it.

Oh, he is, dearie.

Here's the suit.

And here's the dollar bill for your kindness.

She had dollar just for lending you a suit.

It's real generous of you.

God, I hope Bill never finds out where this came from.

I hope nobody finds out.

Amazing.

There's something funny about this.

Funny.

When you took this suit, it was in perfect condition.

And now, look, there's a hole in the sleeve.

Oh?

Oh!

A moth, aided.

A moth?

There are powder marks around the edge of the hole.

Powder?

Oh, and maybe it was eaten by a lady, ma'am.

Oh, ma'am.

That burned hole in the sleeve couldn't have been done by a moth.

And where did this dollar bill come from?

The Mint in Washington.

I see.

No DC.

Look, ma'am.

How are you going to do with the dollar?

Frankly, I haven't thought about it very much.

Maybe I'll buy myself a couple of yachts.

Ah.

I'm glad you can still make jokes.

That means you forgive me.

Yeah.

Now, what?

How about this dollar?

Well, now that's what I've been thinking.

You ought to take that dollar to the bank and start an account.

That way you'll never be so broke again.

Amazing.

Do you think we can find a bank that'll handle as large as some as a dollar?

Well, sure.

I'll wait outside when you're getting your suit.

And then we'll go down to the second national bank and open an account.

But you must have gotten a look at the crook, Mr. Grindel.

After all, it was at your window that he stole the money.

But I didn't see the hold-up man's face inspector.

All I noticed about him was that he had a red handkerchief over his eyes

and he was wearing a green suit with yellow stripes.

A green suit with yellow stripes?

Yes.

Norseid in combination.

And don't you think?

You're disgusting.

Yes.

Thank goodness all those dollar bills were marked with axes.

Grindel, if you should ever run into the hold-up man, do you know what you're going to do?

You mean after I faint?

Yes.

If any of those marked dollar bills show up, I want you to call me.

I'll be in the president's office for a while.

Yes, sir.

Amazing.

I feel silly coming into a big bank like this and opening an account with a measly dollar.

Well, don't be ridiculous, Bill.

Trist is a wonderful thing.

Yes, folks.

And what can I do for you?

I'd like to open an account.

Oh my goodness.

Oh, the green suit.

Gee, I knew that suit was terrible, Bill, but I didn't think it would scare people.

Oh, look, Teller.

I'd like to start a new account here.

Start a new account?

Mm-hmm.

Well, if you're all out of new ones, we won't mind taking one that's already started.

Look, I want to start my account with this.

Oh, a dollar.

See, Bill?

And you thought they wouldn't accept such a small amount.

You thought you weren't wanted.

Oh, you're wanted all right, sir.

But badly.

Oh, gee, thanks.

So you stay right here.

I'll be back in a teensy, wienzy second.

Amazing.

There's something screwy about all this.

I think so, too.

You do?

Yeah.

Bill, that clerk was sure anxious to get your dollar.

Maybe this bank hasn't been doing much business lately.

These are the people that wanted to open the accounts, sir.

Well, we did, but we've changed our minds.

Come on.

Wait a minute, lady.

I've got a gun.

Oh, gun or no gun.

You can't force us to open the account.

Now, look here.

You're making a mistake.

You made a mistake when you came into this bank with that green suit to make a deposit.

Well, we didn't want to deposit the suit just a dollar.

Yeah, look at this dollar.

Under Washington's picture is an axe.

You mean Washington couldn't sign his own name?

You're under arrest.

Both of you.

Under arrest.

For robbing this bank, Macy.

Macy, what's all this about?

Where's all the rest of that money?

Search me.

It led me.

I didn't mean you, you wolf.

Well, come along.

I'm taking you both the headquarters.

The adventures of Macy, starring and southern.

We'll continue at just a moment.

And now back to Macy.

Oh, so that's the story, Mr. Vier.

This whole thing is just one horrible mistake, huh?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

We put you to all the trouble of arresting us.

It's a long inspector.

Just a moment, Mish.

The cell door is closed.

Well, you opened it at once or one of us is going to be mine.

He saw it.

The one of us?

Yeah, me.

Yeah.

Mr. Vier, you're a very pretty woman.

You've got a lot to live for.

You don't want to spend the next 20 years of your life behind bars, do you?

Well, frankly, I haven't given him much thought lately.

I never planned very far ahead, you know.

Oh, now, look, Ms. Vier, you can do yourself a lot of good if you listen to reason.

Jail isn't a place for a girl like you.

Well, that's what I keep down your inspector over the door, please.

Sure, sure, but first, Ms. Vier, I'd like to make you a little proposition.

Why, Inspector?

Yes, please.

You don't get what I'm driving at.

And you don't get what you're driving at.

What I'm trying to say, Ms. Vier, is that if you turn state's evidence and pin that bank job on your boyfriend,

Norton, you can walk out of here a free woman.

It's Norton, we're after.

But Bill didn't do it, Inspector, he's just an actor.

Yeah, how do you get that bullet hole in his suit?

Well, some actors ain't as good as others.

Look, I know who robbed that bank and I can prove it.

Why are you in jail, Ms. Vier?

Oh, I didn't think of that.

Okay, Chum.

I'll talk.

Now you're cooking with gas.

Well, when I tell all I know about Norton, he'll be cooking with electricity.

Here, fine, fine.

Okay, Sergeant, bring Norton in.

Don't, Inspector.

And here, Norton.

Macy, Macy, are you all right?

Don't talk to me, you whome.

Whome?

What are you so about?

You're the one that got us into this?

Don't give me that big loy.

Big loy?

Alias, then he's a dip.

Alias, sound the log.

Alias, Terry, the pirate.

Say what is this?

You can stop making with the innocent act, Norton.

Your lady-branders confess.

Confessed?

But she didn't do it.

Of course I didn't, Churrat.

Macy, what's gotten into you?

There are little common sense.

Not when you're going to jail for 50 years.

But what I can't do 50 years.

But there was much as you can.

I mean, I gotta be out of here by tonight.

I've got to audition for a part in a play.

I'm an actor, Inspector.

An actor.

Yeah, and a pretty good one at that.

Yeah.

When you showed me all that dough you're wrapping them other banks,

you maybe believe you wanted on a sweepstates ticket.

Macy, that's ridiculous.

Look, Inspector, I can prove I wasn't even in that bank.

My land lady.

Won't see you for a long time, Norton.

Lock him up against her.

I'm on top.

Take your hands off her.

Well, that cleans up this case.

Miss Revere, you're free.

Thanks, Inspector.

So long, Bill.

And just to make sure they don't keep you in jail more than 50 years,

I'm going to send you a calendar.

Wait a minute.

Did you say she's going to go free, Inspector?

Like a boy, champ.

Like a boy.

Oh, so that's it.

I'm the fall guy.

Macy?

Macy, how could you do this to me?

I thought you were so good.

So kind.

So warm, huh?

I shut up.

Take him away, Sergeant.

He's got none of my knives.

And mine too, Chief, was any of your hollering one?

Come on.

Yes, so long, Norton.

See you in court.

I think not, Inspector.

And I don't you start, Captain.

We got the guy that robbed the bank and I can prove it.

Amen.

What else?

You'll have to find a new pigeon, Inspector.

Norton here has got an airtight elevator.

I have.

I mean, I have.

But he can't have an alibi.

Norton's landlady said he didn't leave his room all day long.

Well, Macy?

Well, don't be mad at me, Bill Norton.

I was only doing this to get the goods on the real crook.

But I don't want the real crook.

Now, I mean, get the goods on it.

Well, I think I know who it is.

The only thing I can do is to get the goods on the real crook.

But I don't want the real crook.

The old lady's son, Rowland.

Rowland?

You think you can get the goods on it?

Well, Rowland's a man.

So?

So, I'm a woman.

So?

So, didn't your father ever tell you about the birds and bees, Inspector?

Oh, you mean...

Ha, ha, ha.

Well, I inspect your blushing.

Yeah.

I'll need a little help on this, Caper, Inspector.

A good actor.

Well, Norton is an actor.

Well...

Yeah, but this isn't my kind of worker.

I only act for money.

There's a $500 reward for the capture.

What do you want me to do, Maisie?

Well, I ain't sure yet, but here's the general idea.

I'll drop in on Rowland and make like a gun mule.

Yeah, that's mall. A mule is a jackass.

Yeah.

Like I was saying, I'll be a gun mule, Bill.

Give me a few minutes alone with Rowland.

Oh, gosh, Mom.

Well, we're going to put all this loot from the bank.

It sure takes up a lot of room, huh?

That's your fault for taking only $1, Bill.

Didn't they have any 10s and 20s?

Say, Mom, maybe I could have a couple of bucks to maybe take out a girl.

Take out a girl.

You Rowland?

Well, sure, Mom, I've got to do something for excitement.

I ain't getting a kick out of them comic books like I used to, you know.

Well, you stay away from women, Rowland. They're slow poison.

They are.

They are.

I'll go see if I can find a safe place to stash the dough.

You keep an eye on it.

Yeah, sure, Mom.

Never mind, James. Just watch the dough.

Who is there?

It's experienced, Rowland.

Experience?

I don't know nobody but that name.

I'm a girl, Rowland. I'm Rowland.

A girl?

Yeah, you think girls in the bathroom think?

They're the ones that dance backwards.

Let me enhance them.

Oh, gosh. A woman?

It's just a second.

Oh, cold, dark, and...

Blacky from shy sent me to look you up.

Blacky from shy?

Yeah. Oh, I don't know a blacky from shy.

Oh, you know, whitey?

Nope.

What colors do you know?

Well, as your brownies...

That is it.

Brownies sent me to look you up.

Oh.

I just got out of sing-sing, Rowland.

Oh, you did?

Sing-sing?

But they only have men there.

Then I got out just in time if you know what I mean.

Just in time?

You don't know what I mean.

Say.

You're even handsome or the brownie told me.

Yeah, hey.

Does your mean is hey?

I should do hey.

Come closer, Rowland.

Much closer.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

Stay away from me.

You female.

You, my mom, told me that women are slow poison.

Well, what's your hurry?

Come on, kiss me, handsome.

I'm in the mood.

Did you really think I'm handsome?

When I'm in the mood, anybody's handsome.

Come on, shoot the lips to my doll.

Okay.

Here, hold my bubble gum.

So, just like I thought, there is another man.

Oh, sit down, mister.

We'll be through in a moment.

You're married.

Hey, you didn't tell me.

You didn't ask me.

I didn't her.

I didn't know he was back, Rowland.

I ain't seen him in years.

Well, I was in prison in Afghanistan.

Fine time to let me know.

Why didn't you write and tell me where you were?

I couldn't spell Afghanistan.

Rowland.

Rowland.

Don't look at me.

I can't spell it either.

I mean, I'm sorry I got you into this mess.

Don't shoot him.

But don't shoot him.

Shoot me.

Too late, babe.

Well, how will you have it, Rowland?

In the back.

Or through the head.

Well, my head's been aching.

Shoot me.

He's desperate, Rowland.

Give him anything to leave us alone.

Give him money.

I'm money.

I'm money.

Yeah, sure, sure.

Look, all I got is the dough from the bank job.

They're only once.

Once?

Yeah, I'm only a beginner starting from the bottom.

Okay.

Let me have the dough.

Yeah, but look.

Better let him have it, Rowland.

He's a killer.

He's a very bad actor.

Who's a bad actor?

Why, Miss Revere?

I'll have you know tonight.

I feel like there's a fine time to get hammy.

Hey, there's something fishy here.

Oh, I'm sorry, Macy.

I...

I...

Okay.

Reach for the sky.

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, Mom.

Don't shoot.

I can explain.

Save your breath, honey.

You ain't got much more breathing left to do.

Well, son, what are you waiting for?

Do something.

Oh, yeah.

I'll phone the cops, Mom.

Save your nickel, Rowland.

We're here.

She should've got here fast, didn't they, Mom?

Why, you...

Drop the rod, Mother.

We got you very nicely covered.

Hey, you got here just in time, Inspector.

Well, there's your loot.

Yeah, and there's your crooks.

Yeah, Inspector.

Oh, look, Dad, Mom's getting away.

There she won't get far.

The Drake's surrounded by cops.

Well, tell them if they have to shoot.

The shooter in the hand.

Why?

Some poor old woman can still use that dress.

In just a moment, we shall return to the adventures of Macy.

Oh, what's again?

Here's Macy.

Well, now that Rowland and his mother are safely behind bars, I can breathe again.

I let Bill take all the reward money.

He did miss out on getting that action job.

Besides, he needed the money more than me.

But there's one good thing about being broke.

Anything that happens after that's an improvement.

Well, like the fella said, the best things in life are free.

And when he said that, he just wasn't beaten as gum.

Take a little thing like water.

Simple, ain't it?

But did you ever try to take a bath without it?

And air.

Just try breathing something else and see how far you get.

Well, I still got some old clothes collecting to do for the unfortunate.

So if I happened to not take your door from this person to start it, things don't turn me down.

You know, you'd be surprised to find out how warm you can feel.

If they give your old coat to somebody who really needs it.

You've just heard the adventures of Macy, starring and Southern.

Macy was written by Arthur Phillips.

Original music was composed and conducted by Harry Zeberman.

Supporting cast included Sidney Miller, Joan Banks, B. Benadarit, Frank Nelson, Pat McGeean, and Peter Leeds.

Jack McCoy speaking.

Thank you.