The Adventures of Maisie - The Outmoded Laws

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Really, I can get super specific with dealer listings and see cars based on my budget.

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Or pick it up.

Mommy's look!

Kid is walking up the slide.

Really?

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Cars in your budget.

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One sec, sweetie.

Mommy's buying a car.

Mommy's looking!

I think Kid is walking up the slide.

Kyle, again?

Really?

Auto Trader.

Buy your car online.

Really?

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See how far a little...

Ouch.

Does that answer your question, buddy?

The Avengers of Macy, starring and Southern.

You all remember MetforGolden, Mayor?

You're his famous Macy picture.

In just a moment, you'll hear Macy in radio,

starring the same glamorous star you all

went to see and loved on the screen and Southern.

But first, you're an outsider.

And now here's Anne Southern as Macy.

Yep, I'm Macy, like the man said.

Macy was here from Brooklyn.

I've done a lot of work in the theater,

but I keep giving it up because I'm really interested

in something steady, like eating.

So I took a job as a travel sales lady

for a certain novelty company.

And after three days, I can see why they call it a novelty company.

If you're still something, it's a novelty.

And when I took this job, I was supposed to be a house to house salesman.

But they didn't tell me the houses were 20 miles apart.

And I'm hungry, too.

I guess I'll just leave my trusty old sample cases out here on this side.

Welcome by myself, something to eat in this little hamburger joint.

Mmm, that's those hotcakes and those sausages.

They're all good, yummy.

Yes, Miss, what can I eat?

Do for you.

Thanks, I didn't think you noticed me.

How much for hotcakes and sausages, my little man?

I think it was 35 cents.

Well, very reasonable.

Very.

The toast is free.

A good.

Then that's for me.

Oh, Miss, the toast is free only if you take the breakfast.

Mmm, kind of thought there was a catch to it.

I'll take a cup of coffee.

Sure, Miss.

Oh, I'm sorry, Miss, I spilled some of the coffee into your saucer.

Oh, good.

I'm a little too tired to do it by myself.

Oh, do you like drinking it from a saucer, too?

Well, not ordinarily, sonny, if I bet the only way I can drink it

and keep an eye on my sample cases out in the sidewalk at the same time.

Did you say sample cases?

Uh-huh.

I'm a traveling sales lady.

Oh, what are you selling?

Nothing.

You're selling nothing?

Mmm-hmm.

Folks in this part of the country sure have a lot of sales resistance.

Yeah, here I'll give you some more coffee.

Oh, thanks.

Miss, you ate from these parts, are you?

Nope.

Brooklyn, New York.

Oh, gosh, New York.

I heard a lot about New York.

What's it really like?

Nothing you've ever seen, Mr. Brown.

Johnny, Miss.

Johnny Clark.

Oh, well, I made you this.

Hi.

Hi.

Um, Johnny.

Yes, ma'am.

I think maybe you'd better stop pouring the coffee.

The counter is starting to float.

Oh, oh, sorry.

I guess I was just carried away, kind of.

God, give me the big city any time.

There's nothing to do in these hit towns.

No.

No, look at this place.

It's practically a cemetery with lights.

Oh, nothing to do.

No place to go.

No, those crazy laws.

Crazy laws?

Yeah.

Why?

What if a city father's against here, Johnny?

You name it and they're against it.

We got all kinds of crazy laws.

Oh, hi, officer Riley.

Who's suitcases of those out on the sidewalk?

There's one of them now.

Oh, well, those things in my office there.

I left them out on the sidewalk while I came in for a type of coffee.

Well, you should have taken them in with you.

Oh, well, that's silly.

And am I, too, a case of being coffee?

Keeps them up at night.

Oh, what a damn witty type person.

And officer Riley, she has a lot of them.

Oh, let me handle this, Johnny.

What's wrong with leaving my stuff out in the curve?

A section 252 in the penal code of this township.

That's what's wrong.

That'll be $5, Miss.

Five bucks for parking my stuff on your crummy sidewalk?

Maisy, please.

And that'll be $10, Miss.

$10?

Don't tell me I got my junk parked on both sides of the street.

You just broke city ordinance number 348.

Whereby, it's a misdemeanor by word or action to deride city property.

And that sidewalk is city property.

Officer, if you got rocks in your head.

The ordinance 529 states that insulting an officer of the law

in the pursuit of his duty is punishable by a fine of $5.

Well, I'll take $10 worth of that.

Officer Riley, I've met flat feet in my time,

but this is the first time I met one who was flat at both ends.

Maisy, please.

And if you think you can pull that stuff on me,

you ought to have your brain examined by a doctor.

And if he finds a brain, somebody ought to have the doctor examined.

Oh, Maisy, you're only making it worse.

Here's your summons, Miss.

Be a Judge Murdoch's Court tomorrow morning at 10.

And with $50.

Oh, this is the most ridiculous.

$50.

According to ordinance 833, it's a misdemeanor to talk

in an unnecessarily loud voice before 9am.

A good day, Miss.

No, officer.

Yes.

I haven't got the money.

It's too bad, Miss.

You're not going to like her, J.S.

Jail?

Jani, would they?

I mean, you think they do.

I'm sorry, Maisy.

Anything I can do?

Yeah.

Ask your chef to bake me a cake for the file in it.

Come on.

Oh, I'm looking for Peter Rockford, the lawyer.

Peter Rockford, the lawyer, miss?

Nrizier.

See, I thought it'd be expected no demand.

You're young.

Well, miss, it isn't against the law to be young, is it?

Well, it might be.

Everything else in this town seems to be against the law.

She'd just get a look at what Officer Riley handed me.

Hmm.

Looks like you had the book drawn at you.

Yeah.

I'm a regular one woman murder incorporated all by myself.

Um, Mr. Rockford, I need advice and I need a bet.

Well, I suggest you pay the fine.

Well, I don't need it that bad.

Look, do you tell all your clients to go ahead and pay the fines

without fighting the king?

You don't understand, Mr. Rivera.

Oh, I think I do.

You don't want to defend me because I can't pay you.

Well, that's not true.

It's, uh, well, my hands are tied.

You're tongue-ing.

You could tell that Judge Murdoch were to get off

with those scoobal laws.

I don't want to go to jail and be a Mark Woman for life.

You got to do something, Mr. Rockford.

I'm afraid I can't.

You broke city ordinances.

Laws that are on the books.

But they don't make sense.

What's the trouble about parking a couple of suitcases

on the sidewalks?

Well, it's still a law on the local constabulary.

Enforces that and other archaic ordinances.

Whenever the city treasury gets too low.

But what's it going to push look like me?

Gosh.

What am I going to do?

I wish I could think of something.

Come in.

Hi, Pete.

Hi, Lazy.

Just call me public enemy number one, Johnny.

Oh, oh.

Can't do anything for Pete.

Oh, I don't think we can expect any mercy from Judge Murdoch.

Oh, see that's an angle.

An angle?

Yeah.

After all, I'm a woman.

Oh, Murdoch is about 60.

Too late, huh?

If I had the 50 bucksmas for a beer, your problem would be solved.

Well, thanks, Pete, you're real sweet.

But straight as you know about me, I'm concerned about

as you folks in this town.

How can you enjoy life here?

Who enjoys it?

Find town against the law to talk loud.

Against the law to kiss a girl in public.

Against the law to...

You can't even kiss a girl in public, either?

No, passed after the war.

They'd been 12 just before the soldiers came home.

They can't kiss a girl.

It's a one of the soldiers wanted to come home.

Yeah.

Today, the newspaper should be interested in giving

a lot of space to fight in a law like that.

People are always interested in kissing.

Hmm.

I know I would be if they made it less expensive.

Well, it might help to bring...

to life to the other ridiculous outmoded by a law

as if a case like that was actually brought to court and fought.

Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find two people in town

that wouldn't mind kissing each other in public.

You mean a man and a woman?

That's the law, sonny of nature.

And believe me, that's one law that makes sense.

Yeah, but who will we get?

Folks in this town don't care much for that kind of publicity.

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Oh, what about you, Johnny?

You've got a girl, haven't you?

Yeah, I've got a girl, but kissing her is out.

We're not married yet.

Oh, how about you, Pete?

Me?

Yeah, why not?

You're tall and handsome.

Pretty black hair and the cutest dimple.

Oh, shucks.

Me and you think the girl would want to kiss me?

Well, it could be, honey.

Could be.

Yeah, what do you say, Pete?

Are you willing to play the party the first part?

Well, I guess so, but I don't need a girl to kiss.

Oh, we ask.

Oh, Pete, I don't have anything special to do right now.

Oh, amazing.

You send the new to shop around.

You couldn't know any of the girls in town.

No, I couldn't.

Let's see now.

There's Rita Howard.

Yeah, the fellows all say that she's, you know.

She's got those protruding teeth and every other one is missing.

Kissing her is like kissing a picket fence.

Well, I got all my teeth.

Uh, say, Johnny, uh, that Charlotte Phillips isn't a bad-looking dish.

Yeah, but her brother is six feet eight.

I ain't got a brother.

We need a girl who doesn't talk much, not we, Maisie.

Yep.

See now, who can we get?

Don't ask me, John.

I gave up long ago.

Hey, I've got it.

Yeah?

Who?

Maisie.

Me?

Oh, that's a wonderful idea.

How did you ever think of it?

Swirl, then it's set.

I don't know.

Well, here we go again.

Why not?

Yeah, why can't you kiss Maisie?

Yeah, why not?

Well, you're hiring me as your lawyer.

You're on my boss.

Well, what do you want to raise?

No, it's just that, wow, business and romance don't go together.

No.

Have you ever been a private secretary?

Well, let's see.

If we're going to get ourselves arrested for kissing in a public place,

we've got to pick out one that's real public.

Well, then let's go to the park.

But Maisie, a cop only goes through the park every two hours.

Good, then we'll have lots of time to practice.

The adventures of Maisie, starring and southern will continue in just a moment.

Now back to Maisie.

Oh, gosh, Peter, it's beautiful here in the park.

The full moon shine and everything covered with snow.

Cher is romantic.

Pete, I said it certainly is romantic.

Pete, I'm talking to you.

Take off your earmuffs.

Okay, there.

Good.

See, Cher is romantic here, Pete.

Well, say something.

That's beautiful darling.

Sheer poetry.

I'm sorry, Maisie, but I'm cold.

Well, it'll get warmer, send much warmer.

Johnny, you go find a cop.

I'd rather stay here and watch.

I've got a lot to learn.

You end the only one.

Go find us a nice cop, Johnny.

Okay.

I warn you when he's coming.

I'll whistle like this, Pete.

And if everything's all right, you whistle back.

If everything's all right, you won't be able to whistle back.

Oh, oh, yeah.

I keep forgetting.

Well, I'll go smell out of cop.

Yeah, and don't be long, Johnny.

Now look, Peter, we've got to make this kissing business look like the real thing

if we want the cop to arrest us.

You know, first we've got to get in the mood.

Look, Maisie, we're just doing this thing for the people.

Well, I'm people, and I like a little preliminary.

It's before the main event.

Okay, okay.

What do you want me to do?

Well, suppose you stop slapping your arms around yourself and slapping around me.

Maisie, I'm just slapping my arms to keep my blood circulating.

What blood?

Take me in your arms, Pete.

Okay.

There.

Satisfied?

Yeah, thrilled.

No, what?

Let's talk.

About what?

About the situation in Indochina, that's what.

Oh, well.

According to the latest reports, Indochina expects its government to...

Oh, shut up already.

I thought you wanted me to talk.

Yeah, but about some of mutual interest.

Me.

Oh, what shall I say?

Oh, anything that pops into your mind, like Maisie, a beautiful adorable and stuff like that?

Okay.

Maisie, you're beautiful, adorable.

Yeah, go on.

Stuff like that.

Oh, fine.

Maisie, I...

I mean it.

You are beautiful, adorable.

Oh, go on, Pete.

Go on.

Hey, kids.

A cop.

Which way is he looking?

The other way.

But don't bother me.

Probably tired.

He's looking this way now.

You better kiss her, Pete.

Oh, you heard what the fella said, Pete.

Yes, Maisie.

Come closer.

Pete.

That took my breath away.

Hey, what's coming off here?

My lipstick officer.

This man kissed me.

Oh, he did.

Well, how do you like that?

Very much.

Me too.

Well, officer, what are you going to do about it?

What am I going to do about it?

Yeah, what are you going to do about it?

I'm going to congratulate you.

She's a very pretty girl.

Oh, you really think so, officer?

I mean, what about the law?

The law.

What law?

Pete kissed me again.

That law.

Oh, you mean stat 2, 3, 4, 5, 2, 9, section B is amended,

whereby a Shelby demon lawful for two persons of opposite sexes to kiss,

embraced to give undue evidence of affection on the streets in the parks

or any public place gathering?

Yeah, that's it.

I don't believe in it.

You don't.

But you've got to believe in it.

Who says I do?

I do.

So do I.

Yeah, you better arrest them, officer, before I call a cop.

You'll keep out of this fat head.

Don't you dare call him a fat head.

You fat head.

Now, Castle Miss, I'll haul you in and find you $10 for contempt of an officer.

$10?

Well, I got more contempt for you than that.

Well, that cuts it.

I'm taking you in.

Come on.

Take your hands off her, officer.

Oh, what a wise guy, eh?

Oh, just a couple of law-biting citizens.

Who insists on the protection promised us in the Constitution to be arrested for kissing?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm arresting you for kissing.

Oh, last.

Last.

Or so for creating a disturbance, being a public nuisance, holding a public meeting after

a few hours, inciting a riot, and walking on the grass.

Walking on the grass.

Well, it's covered with six inches of snow.

Yeah, but under the snow is grass, and you're walking on it.

Come on, both of you.

Oh, Pete, we should have quit when we were ahead.

In here, Rockwood, you only got two minutes to talk to her.

Thanks, Mr. Chairwoman.

Oh, hello, Peter.

Are you free already?

Look, Maisie, they only gave me two minutes.

Well, that ain't much of a sentence.

I'll probably get two years.

I mean two minutes to talk to you, so I'll have to talk fans.

Oh, yeah.

Our case comes up this afternoon before the tough old judge Murdoch.

And I think we can beat the rap, but you do exactly as I tell you.

Oh, sure, Peter.

What do you want me to do?

I'll let me handle a whole thing.

You know absolutely nothing.

You ain't kidding, Mr. And today I proved it.

I mean, when we come before the judge, let me do all the talking.

There.

Times up, folks.

Okay, now remember, Maisie, not a word from you.

I'll remember.

Some, Pete.

And when we come to trial, you won't be taught me

because I got you into this mess, will you?

You won't sell me down the river.

Maisie, I'll be your hanged, if I will.

With that judge, that's possible, too.

Hey, you've got another visitor, Miss Revere.

You want to see him?

Miss Revere, I said, do you want to see him?

Why don't you answer?

My lawyer said, I'm not supposed to talk.

It's me, Maisie.

Oh, come in, Johnny.

Thanks.

And leave the jail door open, God.

It's stuffy in here.

Oh, sure, Maisie.

Anything you say?

Oh, no, you don't.

You're two minutes, Sunny.

Two, okay.

Pete, nice to meet you to come and talk to me, Johnny.

I'm tired of asking myself why I got into this mess.

I guess it's stupid and sick.

Oh, don't take it too hard, Maisie.

After all, stolen walls do not a prison make.

No.

Well, you could have fooled me.

She, this is an awful mess, you're amazing.

Yeah.

What are you going to do?

Five years, ten years, it all depends on Peter.

And whether the judge can be made to realize how stupid those outmoded laws are.

Huh, stupid is right.

Yeah.

I've been reading up on some of the other laws.

I think that's some real comic of villains.

Yeah.

But did you know that this town still has a law in the books

that goes back to the Civil War?

No.

Yeah.

Says, quote, no resident of this township,

shall harbor or give refuge to a southerner

on penalty of life imprisonment or death.

Unquote.

Oh, no.

Can you imagine what had happened if they tried to enforce that law today?

Hey, Johnny, that's it, maybe.

I said something.

Could be.

Johnny.

Hmm.

This judge Murdoch.

Is he an old 60 or a young 60?

Well, I've noticed them I am the local bells on windy corners,

but I never heard of the old guy making an actual pass.

Oh, then he's still susceptible.

Look, Johnny.

Hmm.

My little plan might not be as legal as Pete,

but it stands a better chance of working.

Johnny, you're my friend, aren't you?

Till the end.

Well, what I want you to do may land in jail.

That's the end.

So long.

No, Johnny, you've got to do it.

Now listen.

After I try to judge, I want you.

Hey, hey, hey, he caught us now in session.

Is that not Judge Elias J Murdoch presenting?

Peter, I've got to tell you something.

Now, Maisie, you remember, don't say anything.

Leave it all to me.

Peter, I found a lot pasturing the Civil War that was...

Oh, talking amongst the defendants.

What's the first case, Clark?

City of Cornwall versus Peter Rockford and Maisie Revere.

Here are all the charges, Your Honor.

Hmm.

Quite a few ordinances broken.

About $300 worth, I figure.

Nice work, Officer Jenkins.

Thanks, Uncle Elias.

Peter, I want...

Oh, Maisie, I'll handle everything.

Your Honor, I can explain the charges listed in the complaint.

The whole thing was a result of our unified efforts

to make a test case of that ridiculous kissing and public law.

So that all the outmoded city statutes,

still in existence, would be repealed.

Oh, you did, eh?

Miss Revere, do you have any testimony to give this court?

Or I find you both guilty.

Your Honor, what I'm telling you is the truth.

Miss Revere can bear me out.

Oh, she can, eh?

Miss Revere, you know the charges brought against you.

Tell me, are you innocent?

Well, not entirely, Judge Hane.

I know a little about the bad deeds indeed.

Yes, and I insist.

Maisie, what's come over you?

You're from the South, Miss Revere.

I show M. Judge Hegger.

I'm just a little old dick to cut,

way down young, and little old New York leader.

What?

Tell me, Honor Child, I mean who Miss Revere?

What is this man to you?

Him, while your Honor, till he came over to me in the park

to kiss me, I declare I never saw him before my whole life.

What?

Maisie.

Frankly, I couldn't blame him for getting flirty with me, Judge Hane.

I guess all you've young in our lives.

Young?

Yes.

I'm not that young, Sugar.

I mean, girly.

Amazing.

This has gone too far.

I've heard enough.

So have I.

Peter Rockford, I find you guilty of molesting this innocent girl

in the public park.

Oh, fine.

It's $200, and six months in jail.

Take him away, Arthur.

Come on, Champ.

Maisie, I'll get you for this.

Oh, did you hear that, Hane?

I'm scared.

Half was shown up scared.

Now, don't you worry, Missy.

You will be perfectly safe with that young measure behind the bars.

Well, I know, Judge Yvati, but I've still got about now

to my steady old crane leaves.

And I'm scared being all along in your city.

Is there a place where poor helpless,

but all her friend, a little girl,

like myself, can start to kill a little time

till my train comes in?

Yo.

Oh, well.

My house is just down the street,

if you'd like to.

Well, spend your last hour in town with me.

Oh, but you all, I answer.

Cokes me.

Well.

You'll talk me into it.

Shall we go?

You know, Eli, honey.

It sure has been pleasant sitting with you here

on this, uh, your pubne expression.

Love the things.

Yes, my dear.

But you still seem to be afraid of, well, something.

You keep looking out the windows,

if you were expecting somebody.

You know, Eli, honey.

It sure has been pleasant sitting with you here

on this, uh, your pubne expression.

You're expecting somebody.

Oh, well, that's just for the habit, sugar.

When I lived on my grandpa's plantation,

I always used to look out the window at the tobacco tree.

tobacco trees?

Well, when I come from the tobacco grows real tall.

Oh, come in, Johnny.

Say, how do you know who's out there?

Uh, uh, just took a while, again.

Uh-huh.

Well, well, I find you two together just as I thought.

What, Judge Honey?

What does this perfect stranger mean by that?

Yes, young man.

Do you realize you're breaking the law

by bursting in air?

I'm a contrary, Judge Murdock.

It is you who are breaking the law.

Yes, I mean, yeah, yeah.

Breaking the law?

What law?

A certain statute passed in 1863,

whereby it is unlawful to give refuge

or harbor a southerner of which this young lady is undoubtedly of.

May a southerner you all,

by that always ridiculous all in and all, Judge All.

But that law is outmoded with a,

they just forgot to repeal it.

However, it is still a law punishable

by life imprisonment, death, or both.

Oh!

Oh, we got to do something last, honey.

If I get myself involved in a scandal

like this, what will my family land the thing?

Lander.

I thought you came from New Orleans.

Well, we move around a lot.

Young man, could we all come to some kind of agreement

to have this disgraceful thing out?

Yes, yes.

I am to anything.

Oh, you will.

Good.

Then maybe you all would forget about those other silly out-of-date laws

like Kissing in Public,

and for anybody under arrest for violating things,

like that Peter Rockford made?

Oh, all right.

I agree to the terms.

Rockford will go free,

and I'll see to it that those stupid laws are repealed.

Oh, good.

Good.

Oh, Judge, I insist that you put this verbal agreement

in writing.

Here it is already drawn up.

Well, you were pretty sure yourself.

Where are you young man?

Yeah, honey.

We sure were.

What?

I mean, we sure were cozy in here until this gang

and wrapped this.

Sign the paper, Judge Honey.

So we're all from being loaned again.

Hey, yeah.

It's a loan.

Sure.

There.

Satisfied now?

Aha.

Now, Johnny, go get Peter out of the clean.

Yes, go get the hey!

You just lost your southern accent.

Goodbye.

Well, it may be a little late groove, boy,

but I just decided to join the union.

Just a moment, we shall return to the adventures of Maisie.

Now, once again, here's Maisie.

Well, that little paper wound up on the plus side for humanity.

Me and my sample cases are on our merry way

into the light blue yonder.

I sure hated to say goodbye to Johnny,

especially Peter.

After all, something might have come from our mutual attraction.

The struggling young lawyer and me did have something in common.

We both were broke.

Well, little Maisie will just struggle along

until Mr. Wright comes along.

Yes, it would be better.

When I finally put my finger in a wedding ring,

I'm going to make real sure I ain't put my foot in it, too.

Well, get going, Steve, and be careful.

You've just heard the adventures of Maisie,

starring and Southern.

Maisie was written by Arthur Phillips.

Original music was composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman.

Supporting cast, included Sydney Miller, Louis Jean Height,

Earl Ross, Peter Leeds, Frank Nelson, and James Eagle.

Jack McCoy speaking.

Alloretic here from 2311 Racing.

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