The Art of Backing Yourself, with Asher Keddie

It gave me the opportunity to really find my voice and believe that I had something to contribute

that wasn't performing. Hello and welcome to another episode of The Pay Off. I'm Sylvia Jeffries

and we have something very special for you this week. We are talking to someone you would

refer to as a household name. I love her. I'm such a fan of Asher Kitty. I think I've seen her

in everything that she's ever done and she has very kindly and generously given me some time

to talk about her life and her career and a brand new project today on The Pay Off. We're going

to hear the story of how she became one of our most loved performers in this country. The moments,

the roles, the characters with high anxiety, the neurotic ones, you know the ones who've really

embedded her as a much loved Australian actor and performer. She's such a force. She's shifted

now into production, going behind the scenes to create new pathways for other females in the

industry. She's also got a new partnership with Laurie L and she discusses how this was more than

just a business decision for her and how it really reflects where she's at in her life as an actor

as a producer and also as a mother. She also tells an incredible story about the teacher who told her

basically that she'd never make it and how that came back again to her later in life. So anyway,

here is Asher Kitty. I love her. You will love her. You will love this chart. Please enjoy it.

Asher Kitty, I am so thrilled to have you on The Pay Off. Thank you so much for giving me some time.

My pleasure. I'm thrilled to be here. I've told you this a million times but I've been such a fan

for such a long time and when I get you on the couch on today extra it's a treat but today I get

to sit down and really take a look back I think on you know on your life and your career, the life

and times of Asher Kitty. But if we can go back to the beginning in terms of you growing up as a

young girl, when did you first have the idea that acting was going to be your path in life?

Look, this is strange but because I started acting at the age of nine and I was performing

pretty regularly between the age of nine and fourteen in mini series and you know in episode

here and there and but bigger things like films as well and I guess though it didn't really

land for me that that's what I wanted to do or what I was going to do with my life is pursue

acting until I was about twenty. I kind of just got into the swing of being a teenager and you know

part of an incredible group of friends and I don't think I really had the confidence until I was

around twenty and I auditioned for the MCMTC for a play closer which I got an incredible

play about Patrick Marba. It wasn't until I was on the stage performing in that and it was the

first play I'd ever done I'd never even done a school play and I realized then oh this is fun

you know this is actually this feels like home in a strange way this feels like me this is where

I this is where I want to be. What was the first paid gig that you ever did as an actor?

It was an episode of Five Mile Creek with Nicole Kidman which I still strangely remember

shooting at the age of nine. What do you remember? What are your most vivid memories from being

on set? I remember performing with Nicole Kidman. I remember meeting her and thinking she was really

cool to hang out with. I remember and funny she was really funny and she's still funny

she hasn't changed. I remember the costumes I remember these fantastic beautiful dresses and I

wasn't a dress girl so it was a little bit uncomfortable but I kind of liked the idea of being

in something I wouldn't normally wear as well so my love of costumes really began then in my first

job. I really love costuming as part of what I do. It's a big thing for me developing

character through costume as well but I remember saying they have me in these little shoes this

is a memory from that. They have me in these little kind of merry-jane kind of shoes and I went oh

I feel really uncomfortable in these and they put me in then these beautiful Victorian boots

and I was great then because I could kind of you know low-paround in a very pretty frock with boots

and it worked and it still was period and you know it worked for them as well. So all the little

things like that I remember I remember the you know so many memories as a as a child when I was

acting. I remember not so much the performance part of it but the the environments that I was in

so you know the outback for four months shooting a new series of co-production with the US the

last frontier. I remember just being able to ride horses which is my you know very big passion

in life horses. I just was allowed to ride horses for four months and be filmed while I was doing it

and um you know those things I remember the environment I remember the smell of things I remember

the the the energy of the crews and uh learning so much about all the good and the not so good

sides of adulthood because I was kind of mixing with adults I suppose at that time. But at that

point in your life when you're still a schoolgirl was everyone in your life supportive of you pursuing

a career in acting? No, no actually there are a couple of teachers that made it

I feel looking back pretty hard for me actually to come in and out of school. I remember a couple of

teachers pulling me aside unnecessarily literally I was very I was shy like I was not um

uh particularly robust at that point I was resilient but I was shy and so I wasn't sort of coming

back big noting myself or um saying I've been doing this I just wanted to even talking about it

I just wanted to be part of the you know a group and and the cohort but I remember someone

I wanted to point me aside and saying listen you've just got to know there's nothing special about you

serious? Yeah and I remember that really hitting me wow my parents and and

my friends parents and my girlfriends and you know at the time we were so I was so young

when I first started that they were all very supportive my mum was worried because she didn't want

me to go away like any parent she was like oh both of them were my mum and my dad

I remember hearing conversations between them or my mum and one of her friends on the telephone

or whatever and expressing quite a lot of worry about me going away but she was being reassured

that I would be looked after and that she could visit every weekend if she wanted to or wherever

we were shooting and that I'd have a tutor and a chaperone and all those things were in place but

I got to say she probably did have reason to feel mildly concerned because I don't know that there

was a lot of chaperoning going on there was certainly a lot of schoolwork like I had to be pulled

off you know on an offset a lot to be chewed out which was kind of amazing having that one on one

learning for quite a few years but there wasn't a lot of chaperoning going on

and it would never happen today the situations that I probably was exposed to nothing really

nasty but that you know it's kind of not appropriate for for kids and you know no bed times and

that sort of thing no regular bed times though it was just an unusual way to grow up through those

years really how do you think that affected you in the long term that sort of early exposure to

a very adult world I think in some really positive ways but also you know I think through my 20s

I I had some difficulty I don't know it's kind of weird because doesn't everyone have difficulty

through their 20s I don't know you know what I mean like you're just growing up so much it's a

crash cause in adult life that's where you date the worst blocs yeah that's it oh there are a few of

I think though that that that mainly I had mainly positive a positive outcome from it so

the great thing for me is that I grew up really absorbing and observing

adults in a way that I think has probably helped me as an adult as an adult actor

to understand behaviour and that's what we do right that's what we aim to do as actors we have to

we have to absorb people's behaviour and their energy and understand it and work it out so that

we can deliver authentic performances so I think because I was exposed to quite a lot of adult

world when I was younger it probably lent itself to a fairly on perhaps a deeper understanding

when I became an adult actor of of behaviour that may have taken me you know 10 more years to

to kind of work out if if I hadn't had those experiences so I just see it as a positive really

and look at the truth is it just was my life that's what that was my path I don't know any different

I want to ask and I'm sure you get this all the time about love my way

which was the first show with you in it that I you know I've really fell in love

with the show but with you as an actor as well with everyone in that show if we're talking about

authentic performances every single person in that show was beyond outstanding do you get people

coming up to you all the time asking you about that show still yeah um yes it's definitely one of

the the shows that I've done that people still talk to me yesterday someone spoke to me about it

hmm and I love it when they say love my way as opposed to something else I don't know

because it really was it was a very special show and it really was a very connected um team of people

making it you know it was chaotic we were the content of the show was as you know um

um exploring life and love but but you know all the layers of it through your 20s you're late late

20s to early 30s including children new families blended families um it was it was complicated and

complex to it but we didn't overthink it I think this is why it worked really well is that

myself and Dan Miley and Brenda Cal and Claudia of course Claudia at the helm leading us all um

Sam Worthington all of us you know just had a really good time the writing was so good it was not

difficult to understand we all connected really um well with our characters I think and each

other's characters we kind of just got it it was just one of those magical kind of you know

moments where everything comes together on a project and you have an amazing time and we

went through a lot together too we were really growing up you know Claudia seemed to me like the

most mature mature person on the planet but she was she was having she had a baby she was having

another baby um she was producing I mean performing in pretty much every scene she was an incredible

example for me now you know I uh where what I'm doing now took me a much longer than it took her um

it was a very yeah it was a really interesting show I think from from an audience perspective it was

such a a raw and true portrayal of of grief the likes of which you know had rarely been seen

in Australian drama what was it like for you being on set in that final season um carrying

such a heavy narrative it was fantastic to be honest because we were all going through so much

and life had changed irrevocably because of the death of Lou and if I can just if I speak to my

character what happened to her and Charlie played by Dan Wiley obviously was that the disconnect

that became so untenable to live with really because of his grief and then being the step

parent in that family that blended family gave my character the most extraordinary storyline to

try and allow herself to grieve as well because she didn't feel she had the right to in a lot of ways

to feel as much pain and she started you know making really dangerous choices

because she was on a path to self destruction really I mean she was you know um she had lost what

she built well she felt she'd lost it and so it was just such fantastic um unknown for me territory to

explore you know I was 28 or probably 30 at that stage when we made that third series so complex

and nuanced everything in that last scene it was it was just it was so powerful and it stays with

people that show in such a special way I think um and then along came Nina Proudman in offspring

which you know oh my gosh that that do you feel like that really catapulted you

into some kind of new space in your life that show oh absolutely yeah for sure on every level

I mean certainly as uh an actor you know it's a it's a very particular thing when you're if

you're leading a show if you're and it is leading a show if you're in pretty much every frame of

the show you're it changed me and helped me to grow as a performer in ways that I'm just incredibly

grateful for it'll because of the um the pace of it each day because I was in every scene so I

was on the floor with the crew with the cast different cast coming in and out all day every day

I guess a certain relaxation kicked in because it just had to because I was so busy

and that's the best thing that ever happened for me as a performer was to just finally relax so for

me I you know it was a gift in so many ways that are obvious I guess um obviously it gave me

to open up my world as as a performer and gave me a lot more choice moving forward about the

projects I really wanted to talk to people about it gave me a voice that I didn't feel I had before

then creatively I my confidence grew and it really was time you know I mean I was 33 or something

when we started that maybe 32 33 and I I still felt really I may have appeared kind of robust

on the outside but it really wasn't I was very sensitive and I was very unsure of

not whether I could pull it off but whether I trusted myself to express what was inside me

creatively I guess and be part of making creative decisions with these fantastic directors and

producers it just gave me the confidence to own that so you know the amazing response to the show

that in in jurors now I could it's it's it's extraordinary of course all those things changed my

world and you know the loss of anonymity changed my private world as well that was a lot for a while

so all those things but the thing that for me that really changed everything was my

level of confidence and the ability to relax so that I could just really sit inside the work

and telling the story without the self-consciousness that I had had up until that point is probably

how do I what I'd say but offspring and you know I think a part of the the wonder of offspring

and definitely the relate relatability of offspring was Nina's internal dialogue which as

someone who has a tendency to catastrophes made me feel seen and I'm sure a lot of people agree

with that as well did you ever contribute to what was being scripted and said in those internal

dialogue moments and did did you relate to that side of Nina oh yeah I mean that so if I would

receive a script each script for example I would go through it and make sure in particular that the

the inner monologue was the inner dialogue was coming from a place of real authenticity but also

you know you have to the funny in it it was what made it work and the fact that it it exposed

her vulnerabilities was the fun part you know the whole show was like that it was just so fun

to to show those vulnerabilities which up until that point we all felt we hadn't really seen

in that way on Telly before in Australia so it was just so exciting to be able to do that and I get

a lot of joy out of playing characters where you know you're able to express those vulnerabilities

and embarrass yourself and things that we think inside our minds but don't express outwardly

it was just so great to do that and it was such a fantastic way for the audience to connect with

her as well and actually her true feelings but then she'd mark she put the mask on and mask them

you know with people the public in the private is always fascinated me it still does in any character

that I play and I think for with Nina it was a fantastic device so to really show how different

the public in the private persona can be well you did such a good job of it you won a gold

logo for it and you probably don't remember this but I always tell people my favourite ever

loggies moment was my first loggies and I was feeling like just some battler hood somehow

scored a ticket to like the best night in Aussie TV and I was in the lift at the Crown Casino in Melbourne

and the doors open and you walk in I remember with baby vowel strapped to your chest and I think

your mouth yeah baby I want to say it was 2015 and I was doing a Nina in my head

don't look her in the eye I don't say anything stupid I don't look her in the eye

I'm like don't embarrass yourself so yeah and then you turned around and she said I'm sorry I just

have to say I watch you every morning on the today show and I was like yeah what the hell

Ashiketti knows who knows I exist like oh yeah yeah I remember that moment because I guess you

were just like every other mum with a newborn on the couch it was only ungodly hour trying to

have a window to the rest of the world I was up a lot of the night for a year I have to say

that kid just did not want to stop eating and nothing's changed he's still the same he's huge

he's really tall and he's robust and I was like I knew when I you know when he was feeding in

that that first year or whatever he was the you've got a really big appetite it was kind of

a magical time really it was it was just fantastic and even though the whole thing was it

do you know what to be honest with you I think I was so sleep deprived I can't really remember any

of that night or that time that well I just remember the love I remember the feeling you know that

for of being with him and enjoying him but I can't remember the red carpet that night for example

I went over glue I was just in a bubble what do you do with your loggy where do you keep it

they're in different places actually how many do you you've got the gold I think I've got six or

seven there in different places like ones in a couple are in my husband studio there's some

upstairs in what we call the big room downstairs like loads of bookshelves and you know and there's

the gold loggy Vincent keeps putting it on the mantle piece here behind me like quite often he'll

bring it out and he'll put it there not sure why he does that but I always seem to pop it somewhere

else so so at this point in your career you've you've as you mentioned earlier pivot into the

production side of the business and you've produced strife your most recent project which you've

also starred in of course is Evelyn which is based on Mia Friedman's life starting up Mama Mia

what what sparked your interest in the production side of the business again I think it was making

offspring the opportunity on that show over a ten year period we shot that I did go away and

have the baby but you know it was ten years for the seven series it gave me the opportunity to

really find my voice and believe that I had something to contribute that wasn't performing and I've

got but it's a really interesting thing performing you know you're in a very particular vulnerable

place when you perform you have to be and actually though and I love I love going into that place

but I also like stepping outside of it and solving problems and finding solutions and I'm very

right-brained in that way like I kind of really enjoy all the things that you have to do as a producer

and so it just I like the conversations I mean I just want to be in conversation constantly at work

I don't I've never been good at doing a job and coming a project and coming to work and just

sitting quietly um by myself preparing to go on set and deliver a scene I've just never been

great I thought it's not it's not exciting enough for me or something else stimulating enough or

I don't know I like being in conversation with people I like finding solutions to the myriad of

issues that you face each day on a set when you're making a show and you're shooting you know up to

11 minutes a day 11 pages sorry a day it's like it's a lot um so it was a natural progression I think

and I wanted to do it since offspring but it did take me a number of years to find the real confidence

to put myself forward in that way and look at was really brewing a pap and dryer I have to say um

that when we were making nine perfect strangers was kind of like to me she was like what are you doing

like you have to produce you have to produce you should be directing you you know you you've

ah she just really helped me to own it I think and say yes because it was time it was just the right time

and since then I mean you know my creative life has just opened up so much it's so full I mean

I just had a year at home not shooting and I was working every day pretty much um you know

we were in post-production on the second series of strife strife for six months before that I was

shooting shooting and producing fake and then in post-production for six months on that

there's a lot of you go you know it's a lot of work each day um and then moving into development

on the next project and so that that's pre-production you know a development and then pre-production

is a lot as well so just feel very life feels very full in the way that I hoped it would so I just

I knew it was going to happen at some point um

but I look at just happened at the right time because when I was before when I was acting

across the ten years of offspring and the other projects around it I was really busy it didn't

feel like I had the capacity to take on anything is that then I got pregnant then I had a baby

and I just I've had a stepson as well and a family you know and then well why would I take on

something else but then when it happens you just do it right and that it you know something

new comes into your life and new opportunities and timing is kind of everything when you're ready

you're ready to try something and I just really embraced it and I love it I just love it

I wanted to if there's a you know in an industry where you're sort of waiting to get the tap

all the time is there's something empowering or liberating about becoming the one who gets to

tap and and maybe carve things out the way Bruno did for you carve things out for other people

who deserve it as well yes I love that part I love the casting casting's hard I have to say that's

not an easy part of producing and developing a show and creating it it's with writers as well

says a lot of people involved and a lot of opinions I wish I knew how many moving parts

there were when I was a younger actor waiting for that tap on the shoulder um how much has to

align for you to get a role it's a lot so being on the other side of that now I enjoyed that

process and I love giving opportunity to as do my producing partners um but I would say like

someone like image and banks is it incredible at nurturing new directors for example which we

did a lot of on offspring um and giving people opportunities to begin she does that and she's

I've learned a lot from her in that way that you've got to do that even though sometimes you might

want to um work with someone again who you really love and I do that often um and you trust

and it is his experience and you know you're just going to step in and it's going to be challenging

because they're really great but you you do know that they can manage it and it's going to be

the result's going to be fantastic right so you want to work with people repeatedly I'm up for

that I like it however emo taught me long time ago that it's just so important to nurture new people

as well and give them opportunity and she's so right it's wonderful to know that an actor's going

to get a call when you've you've chosen them for a role uh and I know how that feels like it's

fantastic you know you've recently announced another new element to this chapter in your life

which is a brand new partnership with Laurie L congratulations yeah thank you and I have to

so I was thinking I can't think of you aligning with other brands and things like that in the

positive and clearly it's something you're very discerning about so how did this come about

yeah it's my first ever beauty collaboration and there have been opportunities in the past and

that just again it's a timing thing it just haven't hasn't felt like the right thing to do

I really think with Laurel Paris that it happened so effortlessly the collaboration because

I just feel like I am absolutely in that place in my life where I'm living and properly believing

that their ethos and that you know that's been around of course since the not early 1900s 1909 I think

you know they're messaging we're worth it and empowering women um challenging stereotypes

all the things that Laurel Paris stands for I really live and believe so it just it was kind of a

realisation I thought and also I thought how how great I just feel really open to exploring a

space I've never explored before I'm really glad I said yes because it's been really enjoyable

it's also like it's iconic like who who doesn't remember Andy McDowell in the ad growing up

because you're worth it you know like this yeah you get to put your name next to Andy McDowell

Eva Longoria Julian Anderson Kate Winslet I mean Helen Mirren all of this is incredible

iconic women it's just really exciting actually and you know what they've done too when you when

you look at that list of women they embrace women who embrace womanhood and aging and all the

wonder that comes with that as well don't they yes yes absolutely as do I you know

life's not really ever felt this good it's and you know I'm 51 now and it's um still feels really

challenging but in ways that I really wanted to not ways that I've kind of find exhausting or um

confusing I don't know it's a it's a it's a great middle life is a great thing like it's a great

thing it's very empowering and and of course that has been helped enormously in the last five to

ten years by our narrative changing vastly you know and the landscape for women changing enormously

of course that has helped no doubt this mid-life time for women my age now um we're really owning it

and it's not hard to own it it feels really good you know and and it's just so great to not have

to apologise for who you are you know in a way that I think women in the past that wanted to embrace

their ambition and pursue equal opportunities and I think that it we in some way needed felt we

needed to apologise for that isn't it great living in a world now where we're just actually not

apologising for it and we don't have to care either if people don't like what you're doing

yeah that's your problem we all want to be liked we all want to be liked but I think what I'm talking

about is the or what I'm thinking about a lot at the moment is that need for external validation

that we all have at some point in our life or you know and I certainly had that need I just don't

feel it so much anymore I don't feel it so much anymore I know what feels good to me I know

when I'm feeling happy I look good as well and of course I want to and I want to perform well

and there's lots of things I want and I but I don't feel the need to prove myself in a way that

I spent 45 years doing I just it's it's a it's a good feeling yeah I hear yeah I think mother

would kind of helps with that I mean I think it helps with me I think it gives you this like

solid core of unconditional love and reality and perspective yes and your attention

she's completely because it has to in the best kind of way obviously in the best kind of way

so what's next what's next for you what can you give me a scoop on what are you working on beyond

oh yes look maybe yes maybe strive where where we're talking I'm developing with

Imagine Banks Bruno Papandreier and Steve Hutanski Katie Amos have made up stories where

my dream team of people that made strife nine perfect strangers but also aren't fake

was myself an emo emo um where developing a Sally hat worth book the soulmate at the moment

with Fiona series who wrote love my way wow so she's also the dream team like I couldn't yeah it's

really very exciting time and the story is incredible I think it's going to be I think it's

going to be a really involving and complex process to make it and that's exciting I feel really

up for that it's a very very intense psychological thriller fun what would you say to that that if

you got to meet that teacher again who said you're nothing special what would you say to her

interestingly I reveal this I was performing on stage once and at the end of the show

the stage manager said to me there's someone out there who said she was your teacher

and I knew immediately that it would be this person I don't know how I knew I just knew

oh wow um this particular teacher that who had you know felt the need to really bring me down

beat me down a bit I have no idea but now of course you know things are about other people not so much

your own your own behavior sometimes anyway it must have been something she had a gripe that

but I knew it would be her and I said no I'm not going out to say hello and at the time

I just felt too frightened to do it I felt too frightened and lo and my whole I was right because

I looked out at the wings and I could see that it was this person this teacher and I just was too

scared to do it and I remember feeling very upset and that I didn't have the courage to go out

and say hello but I still felt like that really hurt little girl belittled and undermined

and hurt and so I chose not to go out if it had been today I'd have I'd have walked on out

and said hello yeah that goes to show doesn't it these these small interactions that you can have

with people um any day of the week and the lasting impact that I can have especially on a child

like it's not a bad thing you know that that happens it's just because that that shaped who I am

I feel there was one of the things you know I don't mind all those things but it's certainly as

apparent don't you think makes you think quite consciously about everything you say oh wow and

you know we all mess that up sometimes but I just think it's yeah it's something I'm really

conscious of that what they're absorbing your kids around that yourself and your family and the

people their teachers and the people outside and I feel quite protective of that with the boys but

at the same time you know life is life and it's not always easy and you you have to you have to

sort of roll with the way other people are and realize it doesn't sometimes doesn't have to do

with you but yes it makes you conscious of how you're shaping them right as a parent in particular

okay last question before I let you go because I know you've got a lot on your plate what is your

favorite role that you've played ita ita butt troise yes you just you were ita I don't know

about that I was it was just it was a tough production too I got us to say like that was whole

but it I really I really liked that I really liked playing her water woman what didn't mean

extraordinary changemaker did she ever tell you what she thought yeah and I can't remember her

exact words to be honest because I was so overwhelmed when she was talking to me but she was very

thank god she was complimentary and appreciated some particular moments that really are resonated

and and the way I had performed them the choices I'd made she mentioned the choices I'd made

and that she felt very very pleased about that is what she said so I felt yeah I felt very

supported by ita it was great it was a fantastic experience I mean I was terrified like it was

terrifying but but I really like I mean I kind of like feeling a bit scared each time you've got

to have a bit of that you know when you go into a project this one I had quite a lot of that but

I did it you know and I felt proud of myself for being as bold as I possibly could in that role I

think you were amazing and whatever you do I will watch um and congratulations on laurel as well

no one better to represent them oh thanks yeah I'm so excited for that laurel heritage any thank you

so much for your time thanks silly and see you soon