The Danger of "I Got This": Navigating the Slow Erosion and the Drift With Coach Matt & Coach Jason

This is the Alcohol Free Lifestyle podcast where you learn to live a life of health,

wealth, love, and happiness. Welcome back to the AFL podcast. This is Coach Matt. I am joined by

Coach Jason Jason, a little bit under the weather, but hey, I appreciate you showing up. You always

do. Jason, how is everything aside from the ailment that you were currently experiencing?

I am well good sir. Thank you. I always a pleasure to speak with you.

Yeah, let's get into it. Let's get into it. So today I want to talk about, because this gets

brought up a fair bit in the groups. We see it firsthand. Time and time again, people are going

through these 90-day journey with us, and they start to build up some confidence, and rightfully so,

a lot of people are just getting the reps in, doing the work, being a part of the community,

and then they get to day 90 and they're feeling like, you know what? I'm good. I'm good. I think

it and I'm good. And you and I both have experience with periods of being alcohol-free, and then of course,

what brought us back, and then, you know, the going alcohol-free again. So we have, we've got the

reps in in that sense as well, right? Trying moderations, 0% success, right? Going back in, going

back out, so to speak, right? So I want to really talk about the nature of this, the nature of why

we go back. And I'm going to actually start with your question to you, what was it and how gradual

was it for you going back to alcohol after you'd had a sustained X amount of time away from it?

Are you a high achiever ready to crush it alcohol-free? My new book, Clear, is the neuroscience-based

method to quit drinking without willpower, rehab, or AA? Get your copy at alcoholfreelifestyle.com

slash clear, or wherever books are sold. The audio book is available too. Yeah, it's really

two examples for me. One of them was around about six to nine months. I don't really recollect

in it. It was just simply, you know, telling myself, oh, I could stop off at this place I like,

get the the sandwich that I like, and all they had available was, you know, sit at the bar,

and then just happen to know the bartender, and she was like, oh, you know, hey, what can I get you?

That's how she knew me. And then I got back in the old store while I don't want to disappoint.

Whatever, I'll just go ahead and sip on it. You know, give it a couple of sips. I'll be fine,

which I wasn't finished the whole thing, of course. And then later that evening went to

got together with folks and was like, boy, I didn't really like the way that made me, made me feel.

Well, guess what they're not liking the way that it made me feel led to? Obviously being in my

sympathetic nervous system, old story, and just like, geez, I just can't break this thing.

I'll just go to the convenience store, get that nice spike of dopamine, as I'm walking towards the

the cooler, pull out that case, take it to the counter, shaking, get home, pull that first can out

and crack it. And then there you go, that sense of calm, even before I had the sip. And then the other

situation that after a year and a half was very much remaining in and connected to people in places

that no longer serve me, that I thought I could go ahead and I would be enough. My growth

would be enough to change it. And no, most certainly was not. I'm not changing anyone but myself,

my behavior, my thoughts, my actions, my emotional responses, and so on. So it really was

connected back to, again, to that people pleasing in a certain way. And that was, again, all that was

necessary for me to not even consciously think about it. Yeah, it's got it. Thank you for both

of those instances. The thing that stands out to me about both of them and it becomes, and I'm

very similar story as well, is it's not necessarily this big life event, right? It wasn't like the

loss of a parent or then you just got bombarded with everything. And it's like, you know, that's it.

I need a drink now, which is oftentimes with people think they brace themselves with these big life

events. And oftentimes, if anything, you're being very conscious about at that stage. No, I'm not

going to drink. No, I'm not going to drink. I'm going to do, you know, you have this pressure that's

coming on, you know, a top beauty, this feeling of overwhelm. And so there, you have a lot more of

this idea of, okay, what have I learned here? Like it's, I speak for myself when that sort of thing

happens, I snap into, okay, what have I learned? What can I do differently in this moment? So it's

like I have my, my wits about me. It's when it's the other way when there's this kind of like this

little whisper, right? For you is this kind of like situationally, you just so happen to find your

way to the bar, all of a sudden, there was like a person, you didn't want to quote unquote,

disappoint. Okay, I'm just going to sip the sip turn to, you know, it's just like this slow

gradual erosion that you can actually, it's almost like this nightmare sequence. You could watch

yourself do it. But it's like really, it's slow enough that you can't quite stop it. But you,

you know, and it's, but it's, it's also slow enough that you go along with it at the same time.

So oftentimes, that's that is what I look at. I call it like the slow erosion, or we call it the

drift, right? So it's not something that happens overnight. It's not this drastic life event.

It can be. I'm not saying that that's if this is an exact science. What I'm saying is pay attention

to when we talk about things like the feigning effect by us. Even when the ego starts to become

more equipped, shall we say, as you get through these different milestones. And like you even said,

yeah, I'll be fine, right? That was your famous last words. My famous last words was I got this.

As I as I brought that shot to key up to my up to my lips, I said to myself, the last thing I

said, I got this boom down the down the gullet. I did not have it. I don't tell you I with distinct

clarity. I did not have it. So a little bit of that ego, like you said, growth, my growth was

enough. Well, growth is enough for what? Like what exactly, right? Your growth was enough to get

you to where you were in that stage. Was it enough to get you over this, you know, the AUD in the

what you'd have beforehand? Well, you tell me, I mean, I don't want to speak for you, but it sounded

like, no, it was definitely not. So that's what it is, like that ego side of it as well. So you start

to couple, just you're over. And that's what it was for me. Like I was so open. I remember myself,

I was three years alcohol free. I was so open to growth and just I was very just like humble about

where I was and then all of a sudden, you know, a few things happened. I got promoted at work

and my band was doing very well. And I think, oh, if I've been honest, it went to my head a little

bit. And then I started thinking it was more me that was doing it. And I was driving the ship and

I was in more control of what I then what I actually was in control of. Right? So I had this idea.

I really started to get a little bit big headed. And of course that didn't happen overnight either.

That was such a gradual experience for me for three years to get to that stage where everything

started to shift. It wasn't like a it was certainly not an overnight thing. But by the time I got

to that three years, I was a very different person. And it was like this openness. And then I started

to narrow and close off. And then I started to believe my own shit again. Before you know what I'm

like having a you know, a sip of tequila to wetting. So yeah, that's what it is for me. It's like

it's the drift. I started drifting away from the things that got me to where it was. That wasn't

going to be quite as much or what happened as I started working out at home. So I'm like, well,

I don't need to go to the gym. And then I'm not being around people that are doing the same thing

that give you that energy. They're all there for the greater good. Now I'm back into my sort of

isolation pattern where it's just me, right? And I'm doing the work at home. But it's not the same

because I don't have as much equipment. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, well, I can get away

with a 10 minute workout today. And everything starts to reduce, reduce. And then instead of

every day, I'm doing it every five days. So very, very, very gradual. The erosion of that mixed with

like the ego coming back in. And then me believing, hey, I'm I'm pretty special here. And that's

what really led to to my downfall that first time. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. And relatable for sure.

And I think I would add in for myself that they were times and situations of being in a depressive

state. So certainly when I took that first sip, which fires up those old neural pathways with this

excessive amount of dopamine, my reward systems go, great, that's back. And it's going to fire up

those old pathways really quick. And that's exactly what happened. I've shared that with members

before. I'm like, oh, it didn't take me long at all. It was a matter of maybe nine, 10 days where

I was right back to the same level I was at. It was not a slow drip at all. It was just right back

to it. You know, that those neural pathways online, the old ones went off went, oh, we're not

using those new ones. You developed anymore. Let's get rid of those to your point and the disciplines

that I did build in went away rather quickly. The going at the time I was doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu,

stop doing that. The sleep rituals and routines to build a better sleep hygiene gone real fast.

The self-care, sad to say, you know, brushing my teeth the minimum of twice a day,

the making my bed all of that gone real quick. So, you know, I think it's important for people to

understand that on what you're sharing is, you know, hey, you know, ego, all of these things can

dictate lead to it. We have these old patterns that they're in there. And they have the potential

to come back real fast if you're not attentive to what you're doing to build upon that foundation.

100% man. And I'm curious what it was like for you, you know, we talk a lot about language and

identity in here. So, then all of a sudden, the language around me being sober starts to become

a little flimsier, right? Where it's just like, well, I haven't been drinking. I've done a lot

better, right? So, all of a sudden, my narrative starts to become more ambiguous, right? It's what I

noticed too. I wasn't being truthful. I was like, sort of lying by omission to my people that

were supporting me. My mom is often going, hey, you're at like three years or two months, right? And

then I would say something that was more ambiguous that they just thank you, right? I was, you know,

yeah, doing doing my best over here, you know, this type of thing, which I think is signaling to

other people as well, you know, that we're doing this. So, you go from my don't drink, I'm a

non-drinker too. I haven't been drinking, right? All of a sudden, the identity shifts into

more ambiguous language. I'm not sure if that was the case for you. Oh, yes. And you nailed the

language right on the head. What are you talking about? I haven't been drinking. Well, in my mind,

it's like in the last 12 hours, you know, or whatever it is. So, it was like the justification

thereof. What are you talking about? No, I'm fine. And in reality, sure, it may not have been the

last 12 hours, but I'm hungover. I'm most certainly not at my peak level of consciousness and

operations. So, yeah, it's an interesting thing to toy with or that gets toyed with that we just

start to do. So, again, I think if that starts to come up, you need to observe it. You need to

observe it and go, okay, I'm the thinker of my thoughts. I'm not my thoughts themselves. I do not

have to put action to them, you know, example being, I have a lot of cookie thoughts that go

through my head that if they were displayed to the world, they go, wow, that guy's an odd ball.

But again, I just observed those thoughts with curiosity. You know, it doesn't mean that the

even at five years at the every now and then where it's like I can think on travels, you'll see the

you know, the cocktail thing and it's up there and it's like, oh, that looks good. And it's just

that quick of curiosity where my mind goes, yeah, okay, I mean, if they have an alcohol free one,

that's what I do. No big deal, right? But it's it's being an observer of those thoughts. I think

is imperative to it. And it keeps us out of ego. I find definitely that's such an important piece

is just to ground yourself and not get an ego about you specific to drinking, right?

Yeah, I love it. And just a few other like bullet points of like how to help navigate this and

catch it early, right? And just being conscious about it without over obsessing about it either,

right? Because people are like, well, I want to get to the stage where I don't have to be like

thinking about this all the time. And you know, that's what the next podcast you and I are going to

record is going to be about why it's important to get from three months to a year and what the

differences are by the time you get because of that by that time, it's a lot more automatic where

it's like very conscious and conscious choice developing, redeveloping that new identity in the

first 90 days and going from there. So if you're other things though, as we mentioned, like the

narrative shifts start to notice it's a narrative shift before a behavioral shift when you start

letting yourself off the hook or you start speaking in more ambiguous terms to yourself or you start

looking at, okay, I deserve this or you know, I started entertaining like you said, those

fleeting thoughts of, ooh, that drink looked nice on that Disney cruise. That used to be my favorite

beer or whatever it was instead of jet like you to your point, just letting it go by all of a sudden,

you're somewhat entertaining it or you're actually feeling it and welcoming some of that romanticization

and nostalgia into your nervous system into your thoughts. Notice that and you it'll be pretty

apparent pretty quick if you are allowing some of that to have more space than you staying the

course of being alcohol free. And then really what it is is this is re-anchoring your identity,

you know, reminding yourself, I am a non-drinker, I'm alcohol free, I'm clear-headed, whatever you want

to say or however you identify and then just reminding yourself what are the identity-based habits

that keep me alcohol free. That's where you, if you start drifting from those, I mean you and I both

talked about it. For me, those are my guardrails. If I stop doing those daily habits, then there's

these empty spaces where I'm a little bit more apt to start thinking about previous things that I

used to do in that time, right? And then of course the beliefs. So the belief system is all

factored in. So it's like a triangle you got your identity, identity-based habits in your beliefs.

So the beliefs are again and that's where that narrative shift can start to happen. If you start

to believe, hey, maybe I can have that, you know, it's been three years. Okay, reel that back in as

well. So just, I like what you're saying though, really, the overview of all of that, the umbrella,

if you will, is just be be conscious of what your thoughts are saying and doing and be the monitor of

those thoughts. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, as we know thoughts, you know, watch your words,

because your words become thoughts, your thoughts can become actions, your actions become your

behavior and your behaviors. Well, there you go. That's the life you start to build. So thank you.

This is a great topic, Matt. Yeah, you bet. Thank you for coming on, Jason. Much appreciate to

thank you, the listener as well. We'll catch you on the next episode. Do you prefer listening over

reading? My book clear is available as an audiobook. Discover the neuroscience-based method for

high achievers to quit drinking without willpower, rehab or AA. Get your audiobook or hard copy

at alcoholfreelifestyle.com slash clear or wherever books are sold. Thanks so much for listening.

If you'd like to learn more about our stock drinking services, you can go to alcoholfreelifestyle.com.

You can follow me on Instagram at at James Swannick. Our YouTube channel is at alcoholfreelifestyle.com

slash YouTube, or you can send me an email at James at alcoholfreelifestyle.com.