The Greatest Obstacle to Your Happiness | Happiness Hour

0:00Life Audio A Today's episode of Timeless Wisdom In my book, I say you can measure the amount of unhappiness in a person's life and its prerogers equation of unhappiness. You equals I minus R. Unhappiness equals image minus reality. The difference between the image you have for your life and the reality of your life is in essence the amount of unhappiness that you are experiencing. When we were married, I think that we had that idea that we would be married and that we have children and that we retire eventually. And we have four children, but the youngest of four has autism and Down syndrome and last February was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. So there was a period talk about mourning of what that image that you had. We had to completely have

1:01a change of image or a change of paradigm and think, well, how is our life going to be different? There's that possibility he may be with us forever. And so you have to have a major adjustment and I've always thought of myself as being a very happy person no matter what happened, trying to make the best of it. And I think that in this case, I think that what you do is just that. You maybe you're going instead of having the children out of the nest and having a college education, your goal is to teach them something new. That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prigger. Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prigger. Here thousands of hours of Dennis' lectures, courses in classic radio programs and to purchase Dennis Prigger's rational bibles, go to DennisPrayer.com.

2:18Right. You should see the smile on Alan's face that I didn't sing. There's a national hatred directed at Alan. By the way, I asked you to send Hateful to Alan and some of you did. I didn't forward it to you. Did I? Because I said, why should only I get Hateful? I think Alan should get some too. So some people wrote very funny Hateful messages. I forgot to forward the deal. All right, everybody. It's the happiest hour because happy people make the world better and the world is made worse by largely unhappy people. Everybody has the right to be unhappy or not the right. Nobody has, well, the right is not the question. Everybody has a reason to be unhappy. Best believe it or not, the chronically unhappy think that they have had it worse than the, than people who are not chronically unhappy, but that is not true. That is not true. The happy have worked on their happiness and the unhappy have not worked on their unhappiness. That's the way it is. As a general rule, I know about, I accept biological causes

3:24for depression, which is why I accept biological responses such as psychopharmacology. So you have a moral duty to at least act as happy as possible. Walking around in a bad mood is like walking around with body odor or bad breath. Think of it that way. You don't inflict that on others then don't inflict your moods on others. I have increasing intolerance for that as the years progress. Now, the topic today is huge. I mean really huge. What was it? Ed Sullivan, you say really big shoe. This is a really huge topic. My book, Happiness is a Sirius Problem, and I admit that if you like the happiness hour and you haven't read the book, I am puzzled. It's fair to say. Get a used copy, borrow a copy, but read the book. It's Happiness is a Sirius

4:27Problem, and it is the first half is about obstacles to happiness and the second half is suggestions. The obstacles are pretty serious, which is why I titled the book Happiness is a Sirius Problem, because in fact it is. Now, I have always said that the biggest obstacle to happiness is human nature. Human nature itself and specifically that it's insatiable. No, that human nature is insatiable. It can never be fully satisfied. Whatever it is we want. We want more of. Money, love, fame, power, sex, whatever it is you want. Excitement, whatever it is. And that's built into us. It is built in by God or by nature or by both. However, having said that once you leave the built in obstacles to happiness, which are built into our nature, I for the first time in talking about happiness,

5:33and this is a long time, it's 20 years that I am, I think that I might be able to isolate what for many people. I can't say all, but for perhaps the majority of people, aside from human nature, what I think the greatest obstacle to happiness. By the way, do you agree? Okay, that's interesting. We didn't review this in that way. And it is in the book, but I don't have it listed as the biggest obstacle after human nature. And the reason I say this is not human nature is because this is made by our mind. This is not made by our brain. Our brain wants more. Our mind does this one. And that is images. We all have images. We can't function without images. We, you won't imagine at all what you would like in life. I mean, it's impossible.

6:35What are you, what are you aiming for? Do you imagine marriage? Do you imagine family? Do you imagine friends? Do you imagine a career? Do you imagine a home? Do you imagine traveling? I mean, we imagine it's crazy. You can't live without images. It's just that's part of what the mind understandably does. Otherwise, one, you know what I have no image? I just, whatever happens today happens today. Maybe that person is happy, but I don't know anybody who can live like that. So, here, so images is a huge deal. And they are very, very hard to abandon. We have in effect made ourselves hostage to our images. The images of what we, our life will be like and images of what our, you name it, our children will be like for that matter. Our spouses will be like.

7:40Our jobs will be like. Our health will be like. Well, put health aside because we have less, we have less, well, we have less, actually, we have less to say about all the other things that we tend to think of before, before and any event. I will tell you, I will give you examples here of, of the images issue and how hard it is and what you can do about it. Because I will be very personal. That is my, has been my greatest issue. In terms, people ask me, oh, what about you? Because I, I have worked to be and to act happy. Otherwise, I could not have written a book titled Happiness is a serious problem. I think by now people understand that a man who writes a book happiness is a serious problem is, is, is writing in terms of his own work to be happy. And I have, I have worked at it and I have done well. But it's a, people, the unhappy think that the happy

8:46have been problem free. That's, that's the, the, the, the entirely erroneous assumption that the unhappy make. Now, images are very tough and I will be very autobiographical for a moment. To give you an example, I imagined I had a very clear and powerful image of the family life that I would want. It never, ever, ever, ever included divorce. It was, it was as far from my imagining for my life as, as imagining that I would end up living in Azerbaijan. It just did not enter the realm of, of possibility in the images for my life. And I have had to deal with that because a major image for my life was, was rendered

9:48moot. It just won't be. So when I talk to you about the images issue, there, there is a very real autobiographical component as there is so often, by the way, these, these, I don't sit in abstract about life. Now, I mentioned Alan. So I was talking to Alan right before. Now Alan and, and Susie had a very strong image of, of a, of a family for them. But it didn't work out to have kids. It just didn't work out. That was, that was their image. I mean, everybody I know has had very powerful images. Unfulfilled. Everyone I know. I don't know anyone well. Let's put it that with their people. I don't know well who seem to have lived the images that they had for their lives. And I am sure that there are some people. I have to believe. I mean, there were lottery winners,

10:51right? I mean, that's a lottery win where your images comport with your reality is a lottery win. And there are people who win lotteries and, and more power to you. I, I don't resent it. I, I am thrilled for you. It's a non-issue. But the vast majority of people and everyone I know well has not had the images for their life that they had projected. So what do you do then if the images that you have so strongly held to as almost defining you? That's what images do they define us. What do you do if your image has not been painted? That's what I will tell you when we come back and take your calls on the happiness hour one eight prayer seven seven six. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. For nearly three thousand years, Homer's The Iliad has shaped

11:53the Western imagination as one of the foundation awards of Western literature. It explores permanent questions about honor, courage, leadership, friendship, justice, and what it means to live a noble life. In one of the epic defining moments Achilles returns to battle after the death of his beloved friend Patroclus, setting aside his wounded pride to confront the responsibilities that come with greatness. His decision reveals one of the central themes of the Iliad that true greatness requires more than strength. It demands character, sacrifice, and the pursuit of what is right. That's why Hillsdale College has released its newest free online course The Iliad. Tucked by Professor Steven Smith, the course reveals why Homer's masterpiece remains one of the greatest works of Western literature. Hillsdale.edu slash start now read the classics study the West Hillsdale.edu slash start now Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. Yes it is the happy earth.

12:58The happiness hour on the Dennis Prager show and I think for most people outside of human nature itself, this is the greatest obstacle to happiness. The collapse of the images that you had for life. Now, Eva tells me that a lot of you are not fully clear when you're calling in and that could be just callers. I don't know why the word image is having a problem for some people. We construct a visual, ideological image in our mind of the type of life we want. It's not the exact same thing as a desire. I desire many things but they are not necessarily the image. The image is the most important way that you want to lead your life and think that it will be led. And there are pretty standard images that people in different cultures have. That's a culturally

13:58created thing in image by the way. That's why I make it distinct from human nature. Human nature is universal. Everybody is born wanting more. Whatever it is they want more of. That's built into us. Images are culturally created. The image of a happy life that an American has is not identical to the image of the happy life that a Saudi has. That's the way it is. Or someone in rural Japan. Now there are certain universals. Most people have an imagery of a family but the way the family is constructed or behaves obviously culturally determined. And most people do not live the image that they had. Images are very powerful. That's why I think that outside of human nature it's the greatest single obstacle to happiness because images are the way we have imagined the, and I'm just being redundant really to try to be as clear as

15:06possible. That's the way we imagined our life would be and we have, we have, by doing that, we all, and I gave you examples of the two people in this studio, we have all an effect made happiness hostage to that image. If I don't have that image how can I be happy? That's my image of happy, my image of a happy life is X. Is Y is Z is not A and not B and not C. I know a woman whose deepest image in life was to marry and have children she never married and has no children. And I'm talking to all of you who have had a crashed image. What do you do? Because the vast majority of people have a crashed image. Now, A does that mean we should not have images? No, it doesn't because then why do you know

16:08what to aspire to? But there is a price paid for having images and that is the failure. So the answer is once that image has is no longer possible you create a new image. That's of a happy life. That's the answer. Is it hard? If it weren't hard I wouldn't devote an hour every week to happiness and I wouldn't write a bike a bike. I wouldn't write a bike or write a book titled happiness is a serious problem. Of course it's hard. Everything is hard. The only easy thing is lying in the grave. That's easy. Living is hard. And so you have to what you do is you can mourn that image. There may be a period of time when mourning is necessary. That might be an interesting thing to have with Steve Marmer. How long should the mourning period be? When

17:11is it unhealthy at what point is it even healthy to let go of an image in a day? Is that the healthiest person? I would seem to me not. If there's no mourning of the death of an image. I mean people have these images. Now some images are ridiculous. Obviously, if you imagine your image of life was was wealthy then that may be a ridiculous image. First of all it's comfortable as one thing. I would but wealthy is quite another but that that that I don't know how many people are afflicted with that. There might there might be some. One a prayer seven seven six let me take some of your calls. You make new images of a of a happy life. That's what you do. And we go to Jerry in Tucson, Arizona. Hello, Jerry. Dennis Prager. Hello, Jerry. Oh, too bad. That was a good call. I'll read to you what the Eva wrote. He has two autistic children and a disabled wife.

18:15And he says accepting what you have is the key. Yeah, I don't think that Jerry's image of a family life included two autistic children and a disabled wife. Nobody has that image. That's exactly right. So what's he supposed to do? Is he supposed to wake up every day and think, oh my god, this is nothing near what I had imagined? Or okay, this is what I have now what what image can I manufacture of happiness with the reality that I have that that's what you do. I don't know if you have another choice. Yeah, you have another choice. Get depressed. Complain, get bitter. And people do that. A lot of people make that choice. I'm bitter. This is not this is not what I imagined. Yes, that's right. It's not what you imagined. That's correct. Laura and Elk River, Minnesota, Dennis Prager. Hi, Laura. Hi, Dennis. How are you? I'm well. Thank you. Good. Thanks for taking my call. When we were married, I think that we had that idea that we would

19:18be married and that we have children and that we retire eventually. And we have four children, but the youngest of four has autism and Down syndrome and last February was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. So there was a period talk about mourning of what that image that you had. We had to completely have a change of image or a change of paradigm and think, well, how is how is our life going to be different? There's that possibility he may be with us forever. So you have to have a major adjustment and I've always thought of myself as being a very happy person no matter what happened, trying to make the best of it. And I think that in this case, I think that what you do is just that. Maybe you're going instead of having the children out of the nest and having a college education, your goal is to teach them something new. Or you just have to change your goals,

20:19you have to change your priorities. That's right. And you obviously seem to have done it at least somewhat successfully. I salute you. You know, I think that this applies to belief in God, Alan. I think people have images of God. Then reality does not comport with that image of God and then they become doubters or agnostic serratheists. That's one thing where I think images are destructive. God is a celestial butler, which is what most people think about God. He's up there to do me favors. It's very destructive to religion and destructive to faith. I have never had an image of God like that and that may be a reason I haven't had crises. We'll be back in a moment. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

21:32Inside, you'll find devotionals, guided prayers, podcast recommendations, and other faith-built content we think you'll love. No ads, no clutter. Just good content to help you stay rooted in God's Word throughout your week. Sign up for the good word today at lifeaudio.com-forward-slash-the-goodword. That's lifeaudio.com-forward-slash-the-goodword. Now back to more of Dennis Preggers Timeless Wisdom. One go your, your everything to fail if you win it.

22:46Thank you, Jimmy. This is Dennis Pregger, the happiness hour. And it is a big one today. Well, I often say that and they often are. What can I do? But this one is so big that I have actually said I think it is the biggest obstacle to happiness except for human nature itself. And that is the images that we construct for our lives when we are young generally. And then they very rarely pan out as we imagined our lives rarely pan out as we imagined. And then people get very unhappy because the imagery was the only way they could see themselves happy. After all, let's analyze, why am I unhappy? Why is a human unhappy? If their image has not panned out, it is because that is the only vehicle they imagine they happy life. And so I'm telling you there are happy lives available to you and other images in other realities. It's very hard. It's very hard because you have to reconstruct your brain in effect or reconstruct

23:51your mind. But it is possible. Obviously it is possible. Billions have done it. Well, maybe not billions. I don't know how many you have done it. Alrighty, let's go to some more of your calls here. And let's go to palms, California, and Diane. Hello, Diane. Dennis Prager. Hi, Dennis. I do see how images different from desire. But I don't see how it is different from expectation. It's the truth is that all images are expectations, but not all expectations are the same as images. For example, we take health. I don't think we all have an impact. In effect, we all have an image of ourselves as healthy. But it's not part of the image that I'm talking about. That's why, but most people expect to be healthy. And I have always argued, and that's a big part of my book, is that expectations lead to unhappiness, the fewer expectations,

24:56the better. There's clearly a link between a very strong link between expectations and images. You're absolutely right to make that point. And I should have made that point myself, because I have argued all along that the less you expect, the happier you will be. Yes. Oh, Dennis. Yeah. I haven't read your book because I read it about 100 words a minute, which is really slow. But I wait, wait, wait, 100 words a minute is really slow. Hold on a second. So that means in the course of an hour, you will read 6,000 words. Wait, what's 60 times 60 times 100 to 6,000? Yeah, this doesn't seem like very much. My dear woman, that is not bad at all. Most of people I know read it three or four hundred. Well, wait, wait, they read a three or four hundred a minute. I want to think about that. What is a single space times Roman 12 point normal page that we print out on our laser printer? How many? Huh? 250? No, it's more because I write an 800 word column on two sides.

26:05So 400, it's about 400, I think, on a side. Well, I read that in a minute. I have to think about that. Anyway, I think I read slowly. It's funny that you should say that. So I don't know what to say. But you should, so, but just so you'll read exactly read a page a day or, you know, leave it at your bathroom. You know, I don't need to go beyond that. All righty, let's go to where are too bad? All right, let's go to Susan and then Cino, California, high Susan Dennis Prager. Hi, Dennis Prager. Thank you so much for your happiness, our I live for it every week. Oh wow, thank you. The topic is especially timely for me because my image of my life was always that I have one child, one girl and she's 28 years old and married and all of her life I knew that she would have children and I dreamt of that child like you can't believe and she and her husband have decided that they will have no children.

27:06So my image crashed completely. Of course. And especially when you see bumper stickers happiness is having grandchildren. Well, absolutely. And of course, at the age I am 58, all of my friends, children are having children. Yeah, well, yes, of course. So I'm always at baby showers at seven. Yeah, you know what? I want to speak to your son and daughter. I do. I do. I want to understand why they made that decision. I'm not kidding. I want you to drop me an email. I want to meet them. I offer you that. I have rarely done, I offer you that back in a moment. Are you enjoying timeless wisdom? We'd love to hear from you. Call 877-243-7776 and leave a review, share your thoughts, or just even an encouraging word for Dennis. Your voicemail might just make it on the show. That's 877-243-7776. That's 877-243-776. Thanks for listening.

28:10And for your support. I'm a happy girl. Everybody knows that's the sweetest thing that you'll ever see in a whole while. Is a happy girl. That's a good choice. The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl. That is right. And given that women are three times more likely to be depressed. It is specific to happy girls. There's a lot of truth to those lurics. Welcome back. The happiness hour of the Dennis Prager show. And after human nature itself with its insatiability, the greatest obstacle to happiness is the crashing of our images. Because we assumed them as our life. And it was assumed that's the that's the vehicle to happiness. And

29:11they're culturally induced. They're not all built in. Some of them would seem to be built in, but they're also very cultural. And that doesn't make them bad, by the way. I like culture, good culture's values. The image of a happy family with kids and grandkids is not a bad image, it's just that it is not available to to great numbers of people. And even those who have kids and grandkids may have a lot more trouble in some ways with those kids or grandkids than they had ever imagined. Images, somebody once made a very interesting point about images of sexual images of women. And he made the point. He said, yeah, of course they're perfect. They have no body odor. There's a very in our images, nobody has body odor. There are no flaws. Nobody gets sick.

30:14Nobody goes bankrupt. Nobody gets fired. Right? The images that we have are problem-free. So even if your image has, let's say you do have the image of family, kids, grandkids, are there, is there a family on earth without problems? I don't mean little problems. I mean big problems. Maybe there are, but I don't know of any. And so for everybody there is an image problem. For everybody. For some it's obviously there is no image at all of it. Those who imagine children and don't have children, those who imagine grand children and don't have grand children like this last moment, I'm really curious to speak to that couple though. I want to know why 26 year olds have decided they're not going to have children. All right, one a prayer, seven, seven,

31:16six is the number. And let's go to, so by the way, let me repeat what is the solution? The solution is new images. And does it sound easy to say? Yes, it's easy to say. Does it sound easy? Is it easy to do? No, it isn't. But is it doable? It absolutely is doable. Folks, there are many ways. And this is a theme I have not even developed. There are many ways to lead a happy life. There isn't only one vehicle to a happy life. Joseph is the guy who made that point to me so many years ago. We were in our 20s and just Dennis, the fact is there were just a lot of ways to lead a good life. One a prayer, seven, seven, six, where is our Air Force pilot dreamer, here is Eric and Denver, Dennis, prayer, hi, Eric. Thank you for calling. Okay. Good, thanks for having me. I'm a little bit torn here. I'm not even sure I should have called, especially after your last

32:19comments there about changing your image. I told the screener that I was, when I was in college, this has been probably over 10 years ago. I was in Air Force ROTC on my way to flight school. And basically, I've been one of the very few flights spots that are available through the Air Force. And my last semester of my senior year, I took a class and this is getting way off the subject. But I took a class and then I failed in the class. I lost my commission, I lost my, I lost my obviously my spot to go to flight school down in Columbus, Mississippi. And I've had my wife even to this day, and she and I have been married now coming up on six years. It will be six years this September. She catches me staring at airplanes all the time and kind of knows that I'm off in my, you know, what if, what if, what if, type of my set. Of course. And I don't know how to, I've, you know, I've got a, you know, a beautiful wife and a beautiful two, you know, half-year-old son and, you know, got a good job and I still can't get past.

33:24This, you call it a mistake, you know, is it? How many years is it that you are mourning this? Ten? Yeah, that's a long time. Yeah, it is. Yeah, this is, this is now time for you to construct a new image. Right. I totally identify and understand you have to celebrate what you have. You seem to have so much that so many people don't have. And if there are other ways to be affiliated perhaps with flying, I don't know what they would be, but let it be an avocation in your life and make a living some, you know, you're obviously making a living, right? Yes, correct. Yeah, it's an entirely different field. Right. Yeah, I mean, sales. And that's, I guess that's, that gets to part of the part of my issue is that I've always been kind of more of a, of a, of a, of a doer of kind of an action, not really an action type person. This doesn't make it sound like some sort of superhero or something like that. Well, become, become a super salesman. And I'm not joking with you. That's, when I was a waiter,

34:27I remember that was, I wanted to be super waiter. But you have to construct a new image. I mean, it's 10 years. Okay, it is time. It is now time. As Alan has put it, and I quote him in my own personal life all the time on this, he has two ways of saying this, that ship has sailed. And that train has left the station. Those, those were Alan Esk phrases that I have adopted in my life. And sometimes when that ship has sailed, and that train has left that station, you wave it goodbye. But once it is past the horizon, it's gone. That is why a lot of people want to believe in reincarnation. And I'm not saying yes or no, I'm just saying it's a very tempting to believe in. And next, my soul will have a chance to be a pilot in the next life. We return on the happiness hour on the Dennis Prager show.

35:27This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Did you know there's an investment account that's been around since 1888, and most people have never heard about it until recently. It's not stocks, it's not crypto, it's a trust that was created over a century ago. And it's been averaging 29% returns for the past 25 years. To put that into perspective, it beat Apple, it beat Amazon, it beat Microsoft over that same period. BlackRock has over two billion dollars parked here. JP Morgan Bank of America, some of the biggest banks in the world have been quietly using this for decades. And they've never mentioned it to regular people. There are no commercials, no billboards, nothing, and literally anyone can start. You just need a few hundred dollars. There's a free video that explains exactly what it is and how to access it. And it's 100% worth your time. Go to myaccount29.com to check it out. That's my account, the numbers 29.com.

36:30Myaccount29.com. Now, back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. And this one, if this hour was not life changing for some of you, then I don't know what is. Because of the importance of this, and I was really open with you, I've had to grapple with this. And I explained why, and I was open about Alan's life, and everybody I know. Well, we have very, very powerful images as children. And I don't only mean when we're eight, I mean when we're 18. In fact, it's more powerful when we're 18. Of the life that we'll have. And then it doesn't pan out. And then, as I say, you have to, you have to construct new ones. And in them, and hadn't beach California, it's Joe, hi, Joe Dennis Prager.

37:33Dennis Prager, this is the least expensive therapy lesson. And that's available. Thank you so much. That's true, actually. Thank you. And it's always a pleasure to hear you. But I just have one comment, and that is a question. It's how do you reconcile if you don't have these images to drive you to do things? Oh, I want you to have the images. I said that at the outset, you can't live without images. Otherwise, while will you do every day? Right. Exactly. I agree. I guess either I wasn't as assertive enough about that or you missed it. But I did. No, no, no, no, who knows. It doesn't matter why. The fact is it needs to be repeated. And thank you for asking me to do so. I am not anti-images. In fact, I said, construct new ones. That's my whole point to you. If the last image, if the train has left the station, you get a new train or a horse and buggy or a taxi or a car or a camel. You don't stand still in other words. You don't stay at the station

38:36morning, the departure of the train. You have to mourn. You're not normal if you don't mourn the death of a dream, the death of the death of an image. Of course not. But there are many ways to be happy. That's what I'm and be fulfilled. That's what I'm trying to tell you. And that's what you must know. All of us must know. What about the person who had every image and then I'm thinking of a woman at the greatest marriage I know when her husband died and it's at 60? She has to construct new images even though she's been blessed her whole life. All right, now call in on anything on your mind. 1A prayer, 776. I hope this helped. I'm Dennis Prager. On tomorrow's episode of Dennis teaches the Torah. Whatever you asked of God, you would ask to God under any circumstance. If God allow one person to die at the inothelese mosquito, after you would have the right to ask where it was gone.

39:40No matter what the level of evil in the world, you would have a right to ask where it was God, why did we stop it sooner? How did he let it happen? And that's why the question while we all have it emotionally is not intellectually, I think that's how it. Because whatever the amount of evil you would say, why didn't he stop it sooner? And I don't know the answer, obviously. All I know is though that as soon as there's any, you ask that question. Why then did God? Why then did God now decide to intervene? I have a thought to offer you. Come back tomorrow for Dennis Prager's signature series on the first five books of the Bible. Dennis teaches the Torah. Visit Dennis Prager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis' lectures, courses, and classic radio programs and to purchase Dennis Prager's rational Bibles.

40:45We want to take just a second to thank the team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on the podcast. Go to lifeaudio.com to find dozens of other Faith Center podcasts and their network, including shows about prayer, Bible study, parody, and more. Want to learn more about God and His will for your life one first at a time? I'm Kunis Petway, co-host of the Your Daily Bible First Podcast. I'm inviting you to tune in and subscribe at LifeAudio.com.