The Kids Think Thoughts That Have Never Been Thought. (S3/Ep. 10 Podcast)

Welcome to season 3 episode 10 of the man who woke up the Buddha.

The kids think thoughts that had never been thought.

Previously, Sid gave the grandkids a Dharma talk about animal sacrifice, with a focus on

the Abraham and Isaac story by way of Bob Dylan.

Fortunately, no animals were harmed in the making of that episode, as long as you don't

count the hamburgers and hot dogs.

Looking for a match again, Daya asked as she came upon Sid, rummaging through her basket.

Someone dropped the other pack in the bonfire by mistake.

By someone you mean you, I assume.

Aren't I your favorite mistakes, it asked?

I didn't know the Buddha was so up on rock and roll.

The whole world is music to his ears.

Hmm, he's right, the Buddha admitted.

At times like this, and there were an increasing number of them, Daya found herself staring

down the barrel of several bad choices.

A, ignore him, in which case he'd say something like, jeep, don't you want to know why I

need matches again?

B, ask him what he was setting on fire this time, even though she probably wouldn't want

to know.

We're saying, okay, be right with you, I need to down 9-1-1 first.

Tempting as the last one was, she went for B. So what are you torturing now, darling?

But we're celebrating the Hindu holiday of Devali.

I'd rather have fireworks, but I'd either have to cross state lines or help Melvin find

some on the black market.

I do have some sparkles though, he said proudly.

The Melvin line was politically incorrect, even for you.

Give me an effing break, Melvin would think it was funny, Sid said, with a surprisingly

to both of them hard edge.

Daya was prepared for some unexpected post-radiation behaviors.

But since she always expected Sid's behavior, as well as the behavior of his ever widening

circle of selves, to be unexpected, she was safely on the spectrum of mildly amused to

mildly concerned.

There was still always enough of the original, like starter for sourdough bread, for him

to recreate some half-baked version of his former self.

She had to admit though that his attitude was increasingly giving her pause.

But nowhere near as much as his outfit this evening.

Right red pajama bottoms, and a plaid flannel shirt, that looked like a hip and designed

by a Scottish hunter on acid.

She was saved, kind of, by Zoe and Casper, who were tumbling down the stairs into the

kitchen, followed by Willie, who was too troubled to tumble, and B. H.A. who assumed it must

be dinner time.

They were all dressed well strangely.

Zoe was wearing Sid's bright orange high-school football jersey with the number 13 that went

down to his ankles, and a clashing red wool hat with a logo of his dad's college team

that covered his whole head.

This okay grandpa?

Before Sid could even say yes, Zoe swirled around in front of them.

She was draped in swaths of bright orange fabric, that dive vaguely remembered buying

a long time ago for curtains that never got made.

Willie followed reluctantly.

He was dressed in his usual jeans and a hoodie with his favorite football team's logo.

His only acknowledgement of the festive air was a bright red bandana that his cousin Zoe

had insisted he put on.

He did, although he shoved it mostly inside the hoodie to make it invisible.

He knew there was no way his first real girlfriend, Camille, would suddenly show up at his grandparents.

She probably didn't even know where they lived, but he couldn't take the chance of her

seeing him in such weird clothes.

For celebrating Dolly Grandma, Casper explained as he tripped over the football jersey and

crashed into his grandmother.

Salvador?

She asked, playing along, she struggled to stay upright.

Is it his birthday or something?

No, Casper, Zoe said with the condescension of omniscience.

It's not Dolly Grandma, it's Dolly.

The festival of lights that Hindu celebrate in honor of Lakshmi.

People wear colorful clothes and light candles and lanterns and other lightable things.

Lakshmi is the goddess, said brightly of wealth and prosperity, kind of like you die.

Sun sets in ten minutes, so we called out.

We've got to get the candles lit, hurry.

She ran out the door, followed by Casper, who was excited to be doing the Harry Christian

chant again.

It just made him happy for some reason.

And Willie, who was brooding about Sid's cancer, sometimes it seemed he was the only one

who really thought about what was going to happen.

Which candles are you using, Diasd?

Reassured Sid was going to be supervised, albeit by innocent children.

These sit held up the plastic bag with a few floating candles he'd found in his latest

deep dive into Dias basket.

I didn't know I had those in there, she said thoughtfully.

I found some in the attic too and just needed a few more.

Come on Grandpa, let's go, Zoe was all business.

Okay, Sid, wait a second.

The guy went into the living room and came back with a big wool blanket.

Take this, it's cold out.

And wait, where are this two?

She reached into her basket and pulled out a red watch cap.

If you're not back by six, I'm coming down to get you.

Just in both Christianists had said, there's nothing Christian I can't do.

Actually, I can think of a few, the Buddha thought, depending on his current incarnation.

When that was me, he could do just about everything.

The Buddha realized that the thought was a little arrogant, but it was true.

As soon as Sid got down to the shore, he started lighting candles and handing them to the

kids who set them out onto the water with a gentle push.

Although Casper capsized his first one with an overly aggressive launch.

Zoe hurriedly started setting out to it at time, while Willie slowly and methodically

cast them off one by one.

By the time Zoe called out sunset, about 25 square feet of their little cove was a glow

with little floating candles.

Sid had George Harrison's my sweet Lord cranked up on his cell phone and was sighing

long loudly.

The Buddha smiled, he liked the music, although he thought, the singer could see and be

with the Lord anytime.

Why did he want something he already had?

I wonder why George wanted something he already had, Sid wondered, hearing the song in a

whole new way.

Okay, gather around, little Buddhist Sid said as the song ended.

The kids sat in front of him looking up expectingly, in other words, expecting to laugh.

Devali celebrates the victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over

ignorance, Sid began.

We have the light thing happening, he said, gesturing to the candles, the kids laughed,

and you're all good little children, although I'm sure you're evil from time to time.

The kids laughed again.

So let's outsmart ignorance by thinking up things that haven't ever even been thought

before.

The kids didn't know whether to laugh or not.

Really nodded seriously like he was about to take an exam.

Zoe raised her hand since she already had an answer.

Casper looked confused.

Even the Buddha had a little trouble figuring out the logic.

I have to tell my Zen friends about it.

Gee, I made up a Zen con, Sid thought happily.

You first Casper.

Casper was afraid he'd have to go first, but he was ready.

Video games were like you push a button and it comes completely out of the screen in 3D.

Like a holograph really asked great idea Casper.

Casper shrugged.

He had no idea what a holograph was, but appreciated the support.

They've kind of already thought of that in movies Zoe noted.

She could ruin anything Casper thought shaking his head.

Excellent Sid said gauging the mood among the contestants, Zoe.

A whole new way of looking at things.

She said confidently.

What does she mean the Buddha wondered?

Meaning, Sid asked?

Well, Zoe said, thinking about it in further depth.

We can be subjective or objective.

Maybe there's another way.

Omniscience works for me the Buddha thought.

What about omniscience, Sid asked?

That's not a way of looking at things.

Zoe said, taking on her feet.

It's the way of looking at things.

So it's not really a new way, it's always.

One point Sid said, figuring out that was more appropriate than saying, Zoe, I don't

know what the fuck you're talking about.

We are out of our league, the Buddha thought.

What's you got, Willie?

Remote control snowboards, he said, finally losing his embarrassment and his enthusiasm.

They'd be like bikes, you switch gears, but you could make them flip.

Maybe you could attach some propulsion device to your back so you'd flip with them.

I like it, Sid said enthusiastically.

This can't go Jake, whether anyone's patented that idea yet.

Okay, Jr. turn.

Where the hell is Jr. anyway?

Jr. is a basketball practice Willie explained.

What about your big sister, Zoe?

Zoe looked at her watch as if she didn't know what time it was.

Probably at the dining halls, want me to FaceTime her?

Yes, please.

Ten seconds later, they were all leaning over Sid's back as he held Zoe's phone out, so

Courtney could see them.

His sister was standing in a half-crouch behind Courtney so they could see her too.

I think you've all met Sid began.

A discordant chorus of high-courtneys, high-willys, high-caspers and high-sisters rang out.

What's up, guys?

Courtney asked.

Zoe was ready.

Grandpa wanted us to each think of something that's never been thought of before.

Now it's your turn.

What did you guys say, Sister Yelda, as if her voice had to reach twenty miles to where

the four of them were sitting by the lake?

No, you have to go first, then we'll tell you ours.

Courtney held the phone further away and the kids saw a system move out of the picture.

Then her head appeared again, followed by a chair she dragged over and sat down on.

They were leaning in so they could both be seen.

Sister started whispering Courtney's ear.

Cheating Sid's head loudly and no ear nibbling either.

Sister took a little nibble Courtney's ear, which made casts for a little embarrass but

the others seemed to take it and stride.

It wasn't that they were both girls, it was just public displays of affection.

Though he wished he could have gone over to that little girl at the picnic.

Hey, where'd Casper go?

Courtney yelled, seeing him kind of float out of the picture.

I'm here, he said, hurrying to squeeze back in before he had to answer to Sid.

He's thinking about a little girl he saw at the picnic.

Grandpa?

Okay, okay, Courtney, you got one?

Courtney smiled and then blushed.

Not that kind of something you've never thought of before, said quickly.

Casper didn't know what he meant, so he wasn't sure what he meant.

Willie had a pretty good idea of what he meant and laughed tentatively.

Okay, never thought by anyone?

Yes, by anyone.

Well, basically, it's impossible to know that something's never been thought before

because of the same instant you think of it that it's already been thought.

Sid shook his head.

Courtney, you're getting as bad as your little sister.

Hey, Zoe tried to interrupt.

I'm going to tell your parents I won't pay for your college education if you take any

more philosophy classes.

Hey, Zoe objected again.

She was counting on going to like Harvard or something and hope Sid would have enough

money to pay for it after he'd covered the other kids' education.

Don't worry, Zoe, Sid said, reading her mind.

Junior's going to reform school, so there should be plenty left over for you.

What about you, sister?

Sister, who was wearing a t-shirt that said, I was wondering that myself,

immediately took on an arranging river of consciousness.

I was thinking there should be a law that the president and everyone in Congress

had to laugh for five minutes before starting work.

Like that's how they'd bring Congress in session and they'd have to mix all the Republicans

up with the Democrats and well, they can't laugh at each other or at anybody else.

They should just laugh at how much fun everything is, right?

Yes, maybe laugh at themselves.

That would be okay.

And the president can't talk to any world leader until that leader agrees to laugh for

five minutes before they start or maybe just two because while they're busy in time zones

and stuff and maybe they had some big companies should have to do it too.

And like well, eventually everyone will do it, but no one can laugh at each other.

Eat jokes or funny things they heard or best of all laugh about something and everything.

Happy Diwali, sister, the Buddha thought.

Thanks for listening to the man who woke up the Buddha.