Why Staying Silent is Keeping You Stuck | Ep 404

My session with Lauren was so helpful in giving me the clarity and the confidence that I really

needed to pursue speaking as a key marketing channel and strategy for me and for my business.

Before talking to Lauren, I just felt overwhelmed. Where do I start looking?

How do I even research where I should be pitching? Who I should be speaking to? Or audiences that

I should be speaking in front of felt this black hole of information where I had heard so many

different rumors about what I needed, what I didn't need, my sizzle, this, that and the other.

And it just looked me feeling overwhelmed. When I reached out to Lauren, I don't know how I can

navigate this world or find the time to navigate something that feels so hard to figure out.

And after an hour together, my speaker page was updated because of what she told me.

I felt like I knew exactly where to look to reach out to meeting planners and different

opportunities for speaking. And I just left feeling like, okay, this is not this big,

scary thing that I can't do. This is something that I can totally handle that I can totally figure

out and her advice is exactly what pointed me in that direction and really left me feeling like,

I can do this. What if the thing standing between you and your most powerful message isn't your skill?

And it isn't your confidence. And it isn't even your topic. What if it's just the fact that you

haven't started yet? One of my clients, shout out to her because she's out in Texas and she knows

who she is because she's a big fan of the show. What's been unfolding as we build this speech for

an up and coming talk, which is very different than her signature speech, has been really a great

reminder of why I do this work. She started with a general idea of what she wanted to talk about.

So a direction. And what has emerged through all of the research through the hours of writing

through this process is something that is going to stop this room full of people in their tracks.

And I want to talk about that today because I see too many talented people waiting, waiting until

they're ready, waiting until they've got it all figured out. And this episode is going to challenge

that. So if you're one of those people who has been waiting, you're going to really enjoy this.

First, if you're new here, welcome. I'm Laurie Amirabito. I'm a public speaking coach and

a visibility strategist. And I have spent over 25 years helping leaders and professionals get

seen, get heard, and get remembered in the rooms that matter most. This is the Be in Demand

podcast. And every episode is designed to help you become a more confident, more compelling,

and more visible version of yourself. So whether you're speaking on a stage, leading a meeting,

or stepping into that next level of your career, you belong here. And I'm excited that you're here.

One other thing before we get started on the episode, are you receiving the Experts Edge newsletter?

Every week I send out an email. And it has nothing to do with what you are hearing on the podcast

entirely. Different ideas, fresh perspective, and it's the kind of insight that makes you think,

I needed to read that today. So if you're not on the list today, head on down to the show notes,

because the link is down below. It's just one email a week. There's no fluff. It's just really good

stuff. People seem to really love it. Now let's get into it.

So my client could ask to speak at a conference, and she's speaking at the breakfast session. So

it's about a 25 minute speech, a 25 minute presentation. It's not her signature speech.

But the event coordinators found out about her, found out what she talks about, and they invited

her to speak. Now this invitation came months ago. And we still have a couple more months until

she actually attends and presents at this conference. What she typically talks about are the

disempowering stories that we tell ourselves. And how those stories hold us back.

And the angle that has emerged or the direction that her speech is going in is what stories are

women telling themselves about AI. And what stories are being told to them about AI. So this

bit of very interesting direction. And one that the event coordinators, the committee are just

eating it up and loving this. Now she has literally done hours of research. So she's gone down the

research rabbit hole, hours of preparation, and also trying to cross reference anything that's

any research project that has been mentioned. And she is opening a can of worms. Oh my goodness.

Without even giving away the plot about this presentation, because again, it's not fully

completed. And I don't want to give it away. But I do want to share that what she is uncovered

and what she is going to be sharing with this room is absolutely fascinating. I mean there is

real data about the bias of how men versus women are using AI and how it's perceived very

differently. So this talk isn't just about information. It's a call to action. And I say that

because I encouraged her to you have got to get them to realize the severity of this bias.

And we're going to have to do some sort of a very quick thinking exercise. And we're also going

to use an app that she can put the words, the answers to a question up on a board so that people

can really see this. And we came up with a great one, but I will tell you more about that later.

I mean, we might just have to have her on this episode after she gives this presentation.

But this is a lot like the clay analogy that I talk about a lot. You know, too many people are

waiting for the perfect angle, the perfect topic. They want to perfectly hone their message.

They want everything to be perfect before they start speaking before they raise their hand.

This is all like a hunk of clay on the potter's wheel. Here's your hunk of clay. And for her it was

the hunk of clay was she's going to speak at this breakfast meeting and they want her to talk about

the stories that hold us back. And it's working with that clay. Sometimes somebody who was working

with clay, they might say like, Hey, I'm going to be creating a vase. I'm going to be creating a mug.

I'm going to be creating. I'm thinking of different things that I've seen people create at like

and sell at farmers markets. And this one woman, that's that's exactly what she does with clay. So

yes, they have a direction. But we don't always know exactly what it's going to look like. So that's

putting that hunk of clay on the potter's wheel and molding it. And it turns into something.

And the beautiful thing about writing a speech and also working with clay is that if you make a

mistake, you get to change it a little or I don't like the way that this is looking. I want to change

the way like I feel like it should go in this direction. And you're changing its shape. The same

thing happens when you are crafting a speech. You have an idea of the, well, especially if you work

with me, you have an idea of the direction that we're moving in because we set those goals on what

is the finish line? What do you want your audience to do differently? To think differently? To believe

differently? To take action on when you're done speaking. And it doesn't matter if you're speaking

for 55 minutes or 25 minutes like this particular client. The point that I'm trying to make here is

you don't find your voice by thinking about it. You find it by using it. It's in the writing,

the research, the speaking out loud. That's where your unique perspective is going to reveal itself.

Let me repeat that because that is so important. It is when you are speaking out loud and writing

things down, whether you are crafting social media posts, whether you are crafting emails to your

team. That's where your unique perspective is going to reveal itself. That's where you discover

what you stand for. And sometimes you will find and discover things that you didn't even know

that you stood for. Is this hitting home? Are you the kind of person who's been sitting on the

sidelines waiting to speak up at that meeting, waiting to raise your hand, waiting to present

until you've got it all figured out, until you've eliminated every um and up, until your messages

perfectly polished, that day may never come for you, even if you keep waiting for it.

But I can help you stop waiting and start getting seen. I want to invite you to book a call with me.

The link is down below in the show notes. Let's talk about what's keeping you on the sidelines.

So here's the thing about finding your voice and finding what you stand for and in this case

helping this client like really craft a beautiful 25 minute presentation. It's never one big leap.

It's a series of tiny moves and each of those moves compounds on each other. This is that

compound effect. This is something that I'm going to be talking about in a future episode.

You keep traveling down the road and with each step your essence gets clearer because you

are taking action one more step, one more sentence, one more. Let me try this. Let me uncover this.

Let me discover what this actually means because you stop waiting for the perfect message.

You stop waiting for the right perfect angle because there is no right perfect angle because we're

going to learn some new things and and that right angle. Two, three, five, ten years from now.

It won't even matter because it's changed. You know, I think about there's so much research

and I've mentioned this before on this podcast that the research that we have like in healthcare

remember I came from healthcare, the research that we had like on cholesterol.

Twenty, fifteen years ago is very different than what we know now about cholesterol and I'm just

using cholesterol as one example. And the information that we have today that has come for more

recent research actually says that what we thought was true, that's not true. Keep that in mind

when you think about like what you are sharing with audiences, your voice, your message, what

you stand for will evolve over time. But here's the question that you should be asking yourself.

What do I care about right now? What's really important to me? For me, it is sharing this information.

This podcast, this is my stage, this is my platform where I get to share this information with you

because I want to encourage you and I want to impact your life so that you are living

your very best life wherever you are on that path. And that isn't exactly what this client is doing

and she is now about to stand in front of a room. We still got a couple more weeks.

And she is literally shining a spotlight on something that matters, that matters to her

and is going to matter to everyone in that room because she had the courage and she did the

work to actually share this. So what's your can of words? What is it that you want to be

sharing with people that might disrupt things that might make people a little uncomfortable

because sometimes truth does that. Maybe you'll make people think differently when you share

your can of words. What's the topic that you've been circling, but you haven't even committed to?

What is it? And I know that you have an answer to that, especially if you're not speaking up,

especially if you've been attracted to this podcast recently because you're like, I know I need to

be using my voice and you know what you need to use your voice on and you know what you need to be

sharing. You're just scared to do it. And I want to encourage you to take that first step

because what would happen if you just started writing, researching and talking it out.

You might actually surprise yourself with what you find and most importantly, who you become

in the process because if you've been listening to this podcast for any amount of time,

you know, the fact that I said yes to a speaking opportunity when I had no idea what I was doing,

no idea who I was to say yes to this, but I did it anyways and it completely changed the rest

of my life. So speaking isn't just about delivering a message, it's how you discover your message

and how you share that with others. Okay, let me just wrap this episode up because I want you to

stop waiting and start speaking and trust the process. Know that it's going to be messy at first

and that's okay. It's always messy. As a matter of fact, if you've ever seen any of my reels or

stories where I was talking about like how I write speeches, it's literally messy. I use sticky notes

and I start writing things down like here's my goal. Here's what I want the audience to do to think

those two foundation questions have to be answered first and then I just brain dump what are

the different stories that I want to teach, what are the different tips that I want to be sharing

and they all go on their own sticky note and then I literally plaster them all over a while

and then I go through them one by one. Knowing what my goal is for this presentation, for this

signature speech, does this story matter? Does this story add to it? Does this statistic add to

the conversation or is it sending us in a different direction? And that's how I whittle things

down and that's how I teach my clients to write their speeches as well. Your voice matters.

Your experience matters and there is somebody out there who is waiting to hear what you have to

say so that you inspire them to take that next step so that they have the courage to take that

next step. They're waiting for you. So every day that you hold back and you wait, they're also

waiting. Just know that. I will keep you updated on this client's presentation because this is

turning out to be really a lot of fun and I'm really excited to hear how this lands and the

conversations. She ends up happening with different audience members after they hear her speak

because the real networking and the real conversations to know the impact of your speech

happen in the hallways. Happen after you're done speaking when people come up to you and share

their thoughts, their feelings with you, the speaker afterwards. And I also want to encourage you

reminds you to get on the expert's edge newsletter. That link is down below and also I want to

invite you to book a call. If you feel like you have been waiting far too long and you want to know

like how can I get my message out there or maybe you're not sure what your message is, it feels a

little muddled. Book a call with me. That link is down below and we will talk about how to get you

more visible and remembered by the right people. So until next week, I want you to be in demand.

Hey, before you go, do you want to learn how to turn every talk into clients and cash?

Well, check out my brand new limited series podcast, public speaking monetization tips.

You'll learn how to find speaking opportunities, monetize every stage and use your voice as your

most powerful marketing tool. Whether you're a coach, a consultant or an expert, this series will

help you speak smarter, not harder. Search for public speaking monetization tips on your favorite

podcast app and start listening today.