The Michael Knowles Show - YES or NO: Jeff Dye

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Can you believe we were just pants and people?

Yeah, you'd wait for your friend who trusts you.

To be like holding a tray of food or something, and then you would just pants him.

If he told on you you'd act incredulous, like, oh god, here we go.

All we did was pull his pants and underwear down, and now he told on us, we're gonna have

to beat this out of that guy.

Welcome, the yes or no, the Biblis battle to discover who knows whom better.

My guess today is comedian Jeff Dye.

Sorry, I'm googling Biblis.

Biblis, that's a great word.

That's a ten dollar word when a nickel would have done it.

He is a stand-up comedian and an actor, and here is how it works.

I'm gonna ask Jeff a yes or no question to lock in his answer away from my prying eyes.

I will try to guess what he chose.

If I guess correctly, I get a point.

If I guess incorrectly, I will lose a point.

No matter what, I usually say I'll end up drinking, but mercifully, Jeff took pity on

me today because it's in the morning, and I don't have to slam a martini right when

I wake up.

I'm having a tasty little smoothie.

Then it'll be Jeff's turn.

Neither of us has seen the questions beforehand, whoever has the most points at the end of the

game wins, the stakes could be higher.

Do you have a wager, Jeff?

First of all, thank you for coming on this show.

Thanks for having me.

I'm a big fan.

I'm excited to be here.

Yeah, pleasure's always.

Smoothies.

Hey, my alcoholism worked out to your advantage.

You don't have to drink today.

I am so happy you're an alcoholist.

I did not.

And the fact that you come on, the one thing I'm irritated about, you had two sold out shows

at Zaini's last night.

Yes.

Nobody informed me of this fact.

I got to work on your team.

I know.

So, the shows went great.

Yeah.

Now you're here.

We're smoking.

Nice tasty breakfast.

That's very excited.

Cheers.

Well, I thought about this all morning, you know, it's, you know, when you prep for a

show like yesterday, no, it stopped thinking about a little bit of nerves, you know, a little

excitement.

I was racking my brain.

I figured a fair wager, you live in Nashville, I live in Los Angeles, whoever loses has

to move to Iran.

I think that is.

That's a pretty, you know, because we both love where we live.

Yeah.

But, you know, if this is going to mean something, that is, look, all right, that's fair,

because I was going to say, I was going to say, if I lose, I'll give you like a box of

cigars or something.

Oh, yeah.

We'll go with cigars, we'll go with cigars.

Yeah.

And if I, but now, what are you afraid about real estate in Iran?

Yeah.

And now, and on top of that.

And afford it with your big fancy show.

Oh, what an out of the prices in Iran, I don't know what the, I can't always, I was, I

would rather live in Tehran post-Rubio than at the Trump Hotel in Casino in Gaza, which

also will be built.

So we have the stakes on the table.

Okay.

Got it.

You know the rules?

Yes, sir.

I don't really.

I ask every nine minutes.

I was lying when I said that, but I just figured, you know, say it with confidence,

we'll roll through it and edit it, you know.

This is life.

Of all the modern medical diagnosis fads, which increasingly seem to be ways to dodge personal

accountability is dyslexia, just an excuse for not wanting to proofread text messages.

That is absurd.

That is absurd.

I have to guess how you would answer, but it's well written, it was very funny.

It was written by dyslexic.

I'm not even joking.

I know, but it's very funny.

Actually, it was written.

Well, I just like, which increasingly seems to be ways to dodge personal accountability

is very funny.

Yeah.

Now, do you have your answer?

I haven't locked in.

You would.

Yeah.

It is locked in.

We got to sign my thumb.

Yeah.

It's not, so it's not just an excuse, but is newsem dyslexic, do you think?

I don't know.

He says he is retarded.

And we should never, ever conflate dyslexia with retardism, be unfair, be insensitive.

Yeah.

Also, it's just like the medical colleges don't teach that dyslexia and retardism are very

different.

I'm a sensitive guy.

I'm trying to be sensitive to these subjects.

Yeah, I have dyslexia.

Do you know that?

Do you?

Yeah.

But it's fine.

Yeah.

Can you, because newsem said, it flares up every once and again, not a big deal.

Looking at yes or no.

And then it switches.

Yeah.

But times I've noticed it in my life is like, one time I was, it's a glass door and on this

side, it said pull.

But because it's a glass door, the pull was backwards and I'm sitting there pulling.

And I think I'm going crazy.

I'm like, am I not?

It says pull.

Yeah.

My friend's like, it's on the other side.

And I was like, oh, but like, it was a very, those are the kind of moments where I see

it rear its head.

But who cares?

Do you, do you find, so I've found that my buddies who are dyslexic actually are better

at show business because they have better spatial reasoning.

It's not a punch line.

It's not a joke.

I actually think they, like their brains work in a different way.

So Newsom said, because he's dyslexic, he doesn't read.

He can't read.

Do you read?

I read all the time.

Yeah.

So he's just, that's a completely redid.

I think it is true.

People use it as an excuse.

I use it as an excuse growing up.

I go, I can't do this.

I have dyslexia.

I would go, I got a little excuse to not have to do the thing.

But I listen to books.

Yeah.

That's better.

I'm a better listener than a reader.

Also, you can multitask.

You can't like hold a book and like drive your car.

It's a, yeah.

You can put it on the thing.

Yeah.

And dyslexia is kind of an advantage.

I don't know.

I have dysphoria.

I've gender dysphoria.

I don't have dysphoria.

Oh, you do.

That's huge right now.

It is.

It's a big one.

It's a new excuse to be a perpetrator.

Yes, right.

It's more.

Okay, you're up.

All right.

So I'm gonna unlock.

No.

Are you comfortable with the fact that if you died today,

your tombstone in public opinion would read the guy who wanted to eradicate

trainees from public life entirely.

Public life.

Yeah.

Oh, moderate Michael's rattling the fence again.

Oh, yeah.

What does that mean?

Like my tombstone in public opinion, what does that mean?

Yeah.

My obituary?

I don't know.

I don't know.

But yeah, I think that they're suggesting that if you died right now,

this is what would be on your tombstone.

Wow.

Which I disagree with the premise.

But if that is true, would you be comfortable with that?

I got my answer.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go out with no.

Yeah.

All right.

Get that point.

You're moving the tape right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you said yes.

Yeah.

You'd be comfortable with that.

Yeah.

It's okay.

No, you wouldn't.

That's fine.

First of all, I'd be dead.

So I'd either be in heaven, in which case I'm comfortable with anything,

or I'd be burning in hell, in which case I couldn't ever be comfortable.

It isn't.

Are you comfortable now in that state?

Am I today?

Or would I be comfortable?

Are you comfortable with the fact?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Am I going to talk about the sense fear?

Yeah.

You're not dyslexic.

You read that better than I read that.

Well, I'm obsessed with words, you know.

But it's like.

Am I comfortable with that?

I would be angry for you if that's how you remember.

Yeah.

Okay.

Look, I'm comfortable with it in the sense that.

Mm-hmm.

I rejoice in my sufferings.

You know, what am I going to do?

If I am, if I even merit an obituary in the New York Times or something,

some liberal paper, it's going to say, like,

this ugly, stupid jerk died today.

Yeah.

And we're, you know, look, an ISIS commander dies.

They say the austere, brilliant, beautiful, really smaller,

the poet, whatever.

Right.

And then Scott Adams dies.

And they say, like, racist cartoonist dead celebrations today.

It happened this week, actually.

Chuck Norris' thing was like, maybe his politics will take away

from his, remember, being remembered.

And then, but you see, like, what they wrote about Rob Reiner

and it was like the most sweet, nice thing.

Yeah.

Or the Ayatollah.

Yeah, yeah.

So, I guess I'm comfortable with it in the sense that,

yeah, if I, if I even merit an obituary,

it's going to be the guy who wanted to genocide the trannies

and merit an obituary.

Yeah, I don't know.

My uncle Al got no obituary and you're way more successful than him.

He was just some creep.

What did they, what did they say about uncle Al?

Nothing.

You know, he was survived by his fifth wife.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess you're right.

I'm more comfortable with the tranny things.

Despite all the holes in his resume, he said he had money.

You know, it's, it's, I'm not comfortable with that for you.

I think you're a great man.

And I hate that people write weird things like that.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Well, actually, I guess my obituary is going to be in Farsi if I lose this game.

So, we'll find out.

This is a video prompt that we have to watch before I...

Oh, cool.

He's going, you know, they're going to let a trans chick fight a biological female.

I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I don't, you know, hey.

I mean, you know, hey, why do you care, man?

She wants to fight.

She can fight whatever she believes she is beautiful.

You know, it's nice.

All right, that's good.

That's nice.

Go along, guy.

That's good.

Trying to be nice.

Want to be everybody's friend.

Want everyone to get along and say, let it, you know.

And then you, the fight came on.

And they were like, in this corner, Tamiqa.

She's like, hi, I'm a regular lady.

I'm happy to be here.

Happy to be here.

And they're going in this corner.

Fallen fox.

She's like, whoa.

Oh, god.

I was like, oh, god.

I was like, oh, they're going to fight.

And Brandon's like, that's what we were telling you earlier.

I think I have some opinions, actually.

I've suddenly formed a few opinions.

I'm no longer going along, guy.

They shouldn't do this.

The fight went exactly how you'd think it went.

It was about 12 seconds of Fallen fox gone.

Tamiqa's skull is breaking into...

We agree men shouldn't beat up women.

Right.

Side question.

Will Gina Carano beat Ronda Rousey on May 16th?

All right.

What you're going to say is...

You know, I got it wrong.

You think Gina Carano's going to be Ronda Rousey?

Well, this, the big reveal on these is very strange.

I know.

They just kind of tell you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think Gina Carano's going to win.

Why do you think that?

Because I bet with my heart, not with my brain.

Yeah.

Do you know why I...

Actually, look, I love Gina.

She's been on this show.

Gina, though.

How do I say this?

Because I'm a married guy.

I don't want it to seem like I'm...

She's got...

Yeah, yeah.

She's kind of...

She's slim to even a little bit.

And I just fear...

And she's always been gorgeous.

She's always been beautiful.

Very beautiful.

I fear that now, her even being a little trimmer,

that's going to give her a disadvantage in the fight.

Oh, by the way, I should be very clear on this.

When I'm talking about her body,

it isn't about weight fluctuation.

I'm just like...

I'm not into big, strong chicks.

Yeah.

There was the muscle thing.

It's like...

Yeah.

There were times where Gina was like,

maybe that's not as hot.

She beat the hell out of me, you know?

Yeah.

But she's always been beautiful.

She's always been cool.

I'm going to that fight, by the way.

All right.

Can I...

I love Gina Carano.

Yeah.

It's my preference.

I hate watching women fight.

Yeah.

I mean, I like watching them fight in kind of like in the office

when they're just being caddy to each other.

And that's kind of...

You've been into physical fights?

I have to walk.

I'm a U.S. UFC.

And the girls start fighting.

I go get a drink.

Interesting.

I cannot watch it.

I don't know.

It might...

Maybe I can't tell if it's...

Why do they think that is?

I can't tell if it's chivalry.

Yeah.

It might be just chivalry.

I don't want to say...

Or... I don't know.

Maybe I'm just nuts.

What if we gave him weapons?

And would you be in?

Well, yeah.

If I didn't have to look the loser in the face afterwards.

Yeah.

Because she would be splattered out, you know,

splattered on the mat.

And maybe I could do it.

I'll admit this here.

I'm not really into any fighting.

Even the guys.

I'm going, Jesus.

If these were dogs, this would be against the law.

You know, like, this is crazy.

Like, I watch fake wrestling.

Or like, I watch WWE and AEW and stuff like that.

Like, I like that it's predetermined.

I like that it's a show.

You know, I know they're not really hurting each other.

I know their buddies.

So to be honest, any kind of fighting,

it makes me a little, you know, not...

Not comfortable.

But I'm friends with Joe and I'm friends with Brennan Shob.

And all these guys who love it.

Yeah.

And so they've kind of made me into it just because I like them.

I like being around them.

But I also have...

I'm a hater when it comes to Ronda Rousey.

I've always been a hater.

I don't like her attitude.

I know that she's a badass.

And she's the best at what she does.

And I respect that.

And Joe loves her and defends her and says she's like a competitor.

But I like people that are nice.

And so...

Could you beat up Ronda Rousey?

No.

No, I don't think so.

I don't...

See, I remember we asked each other.

Let's get that out.

Let's get that out.

Let's get that out.

Man, that would be a great game.

Yeah, you'd watch that.

I'm learning stuff about myself.

We asked some, like, millennial...

This is 10 years ago.

One of the millennial staffers, back when we were young,

when millennials were young.

And we're like, do you think that a woman can beat up a man?

And he said, absolutely.

I was like, I don't think that basically any woman can beat up...

Basically any man.

Yeah.

It's like when that tennis player, Carson Brosh played this...

Yes.

They really buried that.

Yeah.

You can't almost find that anywhere on the internet.

You got to do some deep diving behind that.

Yes.

Yeah.

All right, so the only way to find out, if Ronda Razi could beat you up,

it's to film it on this show.

I think I could knock her out.

Here's what I think.

I think I could knock.

I got the reach.

I got big fists, whatever.

But I think that, like, she would try to do something warm-y thing

where she gets me on the ground and then she break my arm

and then everyone would laugh in my face.

That's what I think would happen.

Because she knows judo.

She knows what she's doing.

So, like, I would say if we thought she would indefinitely win

for sure.

Because she'd get wormy.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, she's all squirreling on it.

But I think I could maybe just rack her one

and then people would be like, oh, dude.

But that's...

These kind of conversations are tricky, you know?

Like, one time you might...

When you're doing a beating win.

Yeah, you know?

I mean, I see it on Mortal Kombat all the time.

Yeah.

It's only Blake is beat up by Sub-Zero and no one says anything.

This is like that.

I talk about knocking out Ronda Razi.

Everyone's like, can you believe what he said to Michael Long?

Yes.

This is the trash talk before the fight.

Yeah.

She's going to get wormy and squirreling.

I'm knocker with a right hook.

Okay.

You're up.

I know all my exes and o's with that talk, Donner.

Well, me, my buddy was laughing about one time.

He's always coming up with these things.

He goes, man, you think a chimp could beat up a guy?

And then every way he talks about, you know,

these monkeys have strong there and all this stuff.

And I go, dude, it wouldn't go the way you think it would go, dude.

What would happen if they'd have some guy out there, like Bobby Lashley?

Like, I'm going to beat up this monkey.

And then the monkey's just kind of doesn't even know.

He's in a fight.

He's smoking a seat.

Bobby Lashley's like, boom, just killed the monkey's dead.

And then everyone's like, we shouldn't have done this.

Because the monkey don't know he's going to fight a guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

Everyone's standing by the cage going, God, he just killed that chimp.

If at least the monkey put up a fight, I can tolerate it.

Everyone just knows why we do this.

Yeah.

We give him lessons.

He kept saying, you're going to fight this guy and he wasn't listening.

Oh, he doesn't have a...

He's eating an apple.

Yeah.

That's sad.

This is sad.

You got to clear your answer.

It's a video or photo prompt.

Oh, dear.

That's your password.

Sorry, boy, sorry, boy.

Man.

There's an Africa out there.

What's up, fat elephant?

Listen.

I need a couple of lighters.

You got a couple of lighters.

You walk around with them.

Oh, you walk around with them.

Oh, you walk around with them.

Oh, you walk around with them.

Get in here.

I don't know.

You walk around with them.

Oh, you want a.

You!

Are you arm, man?

Don't catch your pins in a bunch.

You need to step the!

I don't know where the!

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Are you arm, man?

Don't catch your pins in a bunch.

You need to step the!

I'm telling you that.

Get in here.

I don't know.

You like it?

That who Ces華 collected from the amazing racists?

Yeah.

Which was live on my space.

Man...

That really takes me back to...

That's old.

racist. Hmm. I have to think what you're going to answer. You know, I said no, yeah, give

me that point. All right. No. No, it's not because truly that to me is the peak unracist.

No, it's not. When you get the clansmen and the black guy, it's not because. Yeah, let's

just be clear. Yeah, I want to start with hands. The clansmen calling a black guy fat

elbow and boy, boy, boy. And he's carrying a crucifix that he needs lighter fluid form.

Yeah, lighter. Yeah. No, it's because as I can tell, the 90s into the 2000, actually

probably pretty much right up to Obama, there was no racism. The racism was kind of over.

Starting, I would say post Rodney King pre Obama. There was this period where race relations

were as good as they've ever been. And so the joke here is that like a black guy and a

white guy will be in this sketch and it's totally fine. It's even that supposed to be kind

of offensive, but it was all funny games. Yeah. Whereas now, it got more real. I don't

know. Like it seems, it seems like all of the really edgy accounts online, all this stuff

they're posting is like, Hey, hey, do you know about IQs and stuff? Hey, do you know

about it? Do you know that in Somalia, I guess like, yeah, I know I get what you're saying

that they had with the handsome black people that they, yeah, I know, I know what you're

saying, man. Yeah. But they mean it really seriously. I think whereas there was this kind

of, but is racist mean seriously? Yeah, I think to be a real racist because things are

racist that are funny. That's racist, but it's also hilarious and it's satire and it's

absurd because like like Yosemite Sam is absurd, but he's kind of circles back around

of funny because it's so like they read it, you know, and like, yeah, like this is, there's

racism that is terrible. And then there's some racism. There's just funny. Yeah. Yeah.

Racist job, but it's damn sure. Racist. Well, you have to start with the premise that

all stereotypes are true. Every stereotype is true. By definition, that's how it became

a stereotype. And so if you, like if you say, I'm trying to know, I can't think of a good

example. I'm standing across from a comedian. I can't think of a good, like funny example.

But if you were to make some stereotypical observation about my guy or Mexican or whatever.

He's like, you know, here we go. Jamal over here. Yeah. And your pals about it. I don't,

I think racism implies animosity. And I think it implies. Okay. So that's what you meant

that that there's no animosity in that. Yeah. Not at all. It's really the opposite of that.

Whereas today, like if you, if you make even the IQ thing or like, you know, he crossed

the street when that guy's walking in the street. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to see it like

this, like, you know, right? I'll let you know that 13% of the population, that's

50, 100% of the growth, whatever it is, is we whisper when we do statistics. Yeah. So

we do. We do. The whispering. Yeah. Does I think give away a little of the animosity?

Sure. So I think that, no, I think that was probably the least racist America ever was.

And it was downhill from there. Yeah. I can agree with that. But I think that like, I

dabble in, like, in jokes because I live in joke world. You know, so like I'm just trying

to have a good time and be playful. But like, that's what people go, that's sexist. You

go, yeah, sexism's funny. Yeah. Right. It's bad to be sexist, but it can be funny. And

that's the kind of the, the point is we're taking the light out of things. So it's like,

yes, racism is bad. Don't be racist. But it's funny. Yeah. And like we can use jokes and

tape, make light of it. You can, there's a, there's a nice side of these things that you

can, you can use. Yeah. What that could be the next special, the nice side of racism.

Yeah. What do you think? To me, the case in point is that Chris Rockbitt, the famous

Chris Rockbitt from the 90s, where he's like, you know, I love black people, but I hate

mm-hmm. He's talking about what's the rest? I for what's that word? Yeah. Where's a, I

don't know this bit. Where's Kramer when you need him to go? He's a, so, so he does this

bit, you know, and it's very, very famous. Yeah. It does it for years. And then at some

point, he stops doing it. Right. And he said he stopped doing it because of the wrong

kind of people laughing a little too hard. Interesting. And it was, it was like when he did it

in the 90s, it was all good. Yeah. But then it's, it's not that the bit changed. It's that,

it's not that white people and black people change, but the culture change. Yeah. To the

point that he was like, you know, all right, this is no longer, it doesn't land quite

like it used to. Right. That's interesting. You know, the times kind of change around it.

Yeah. I just think that like the jokes are such a good thing for all that. That's why

it's weird that people get so mad at comics and me in general for like making these things.

You're like, well, that's the kind of the point. You know, like people are going to hear

these opinions, you know, like they don't want to hear CNN talk about trans people. They

don't want to hear Fox News talk about trans people. It's going to be considered so tumultuous

and angry. But like you'll go listen to a comic talk about it. Yeah. And I'd be like, oh,

I get that. Like you'll hear it if it's coming through a joke or a comedy club. Right.

And that's a kind of a fun, you know, thing for us. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. So then

I guess the follow up would be like, what's your least favorite race? Hmm. Good question.

Oh, guy, I got to go with the Filipinos, I think. That's like the nicest one. I know.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just fresh for my brain because like Theo Vaughn always is talking about

the Filipinos being the best. And I just go worse. I don't. Yeah. I don't have a worst.

I got a favorite Mexican. It's my favorite. Really? Yeah. Their culture is the best. They're

very, I'm being sincere. I go to Mexico all the time. Yeah. The Mexicans have the best sense

of humor. Right. As far as they're like, they're never complaining. They're always working really

hard. They're always they'll do anything like as far as like nothing's above them or beneath

them when it comes to like a job or a family. They always got a nice family family values.

Yeah. They're very, they like pro wrestling. Yeah. They've always got a. That's true. They

have two families. One, but they left behind one in one in the States. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, I just I really value Mexican culture. I like it. They seem to be grateful and happy.

And I really like that. Wow. Yeah. You can go up to I'll give you an example because I used

to have a travel show on NBC. We go to all these different countries. You can go up to a bunch

of strangers in Mexico and be like, there you are. Yeah. These are just happy. They even hear what

you said. You know, but try that in Russia. Yeah. If you go up to just some guys drinking vodka

with oranges like in a parking lot, he's calling pieces. They'll kill you. Yeah. The Northern

peoples, they are more alcoholic. I think the most alcoholic country in the world is Iceland.

Icelanders are great people, but they're very kind of dark, ironic, alcoholic. And yeah,

the maybe those Southern people. I don't think I got that kind of like everybody's Sullen kind

of comi look. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like 80s villain. But I think Mexican culture is very light. It's

very like the even even just going into a restaurant. You're a tourist, right? Which everybody

every country for somehow now hates tourists some reason. But I don't know why that's a trend.

Give us too much money. Yeah. I don't know. I hate that they come here and love what we do and

give us money. But that's the new thing is to hate tourists, but not in Mexico. They're like,

how are you guys? And like there's a good morning. And yeah, I remember like one time I drank too

much, which is why I'm clean now. But I just woke up on the ground in Mexico with like a sore

job. Like I must have said something and someone punched me. And so I just wake up in the gravel.

And I was just like, whatever. And this dude coming from a resort that worked at the resort goes,

oh, my God. And I was like, hello friend. He just saw some loser that got knocked out the night

before. It was clearly got a drinking problem. And he's working at a resort. And he saw me and

thought, hello friend. Like that's like so nice. That's nice. That's the best way.

All right, because I previously hated Mexico. You're a good person. Yeah. All right.

How many wins? Okay. All right. If you had to choose a struggle between being Spanish,

French, Canadian, German, and of Jewish descent, would being Canadian be the heaviest burden of

funny question? If you had to choose, I know I'm trying to figure out what it means. If you had to

choose a struggle, a comp, as some have called it, between between the Spaniards, the French

Canadians, the Germans, and the Jews, did the Canadians have it the worst? Well, this is more of a

joke than a question, isn't it? So now hold on. You got to put your answer. I'll get your answer.

According to Wikipedia, the Canadians have the heaviest burden.

Yeah, how did you say it was it would be in cigar by the way? Thank you. Thanks. I appreciate that.

How often do you smoke cigars on this? I very rarely actually on this show. Nice. But when you

came in, you said, oh, I wish we were having a cigar. I was like, cigars? I know.

What are the humidor immediately? One time I had a meeting here and I asked if I could meet you.

And I went into your thing and you were just in the middle of working or something. I was like,

hey, I'm like walking around. Hey, what is this? I'm really into cigars and you're like,

all right, I can tell you're like, I'm stupid. Who is this guy that's wandering?

But I remember thinking of smoking cigars with this guy. Another solicitation for cigar is coming

by. Yeah, I'm glad we got some eggs. But we did it. Yeah, we're smoking cigars. Okay.

What do you think I wrote to this verbal nonsense?

This plithy display of words. Okay. I say yes.

Nope. Ah, point, Jeff. Who is it, the Jews? No, French Canadians.

French, can it?

And they know what it is. Everything in my life is valued by kindness, right? You can make

whatever joke you can do whatever you'd like. Really, you could have terrible values. But if you're

kind, that's what I like. I like nice kind people. And so that's why I like the Mexicans I was

saying earlier. But French Canadians are. Yeah. Yeah. There's some mad all the time. I'm always

trying to cheer them up the whole time I'm there. I'm like, what's your problem? And they're like,

like, they're just always they hate Americans. They hate, I don't know. Everything. They hate Canada.

Yeah. So that's the, that's the greatest, oh, so the Canadians doing it. Well, hold on.

But it's the heaviest burden, like they're the most put upon people. The French Canadians behave

like the most put upon people. But they're not really. No, they're not. They have a silly little

province and a silly kind of air. Right. They're safe. Because of us. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, it's

sort of like these Canadians. Somebody's got to put them in check. My, my argue, we could take over

that place. And I don't know, 30 minutes. You, you want us to come get it Canada? Hold on. I'm

getting. Tighten up. I'm getting another interruption in my ear. Davey says that's not what I

mean by the question. What do you mean? Davey, you want to pull up a chair, Mr. Davey,

you used to explain your question. Yes. What bring him out here? According to Wikipedia,

he's still Wizard of Oz is going, that's not what I meant. He's like, pay no attention. A,

okay, according to Wikipedia, what? Oh, so he says, so Davey's who didn't write any of this in

the question. He says, you, oh, me, you are Spanish, French, Canadian, German, and Jewish.

Dude, it's hilarious that I read all those and didn't even put that. That's wild. This falls

on me. I didn't even know. I just see myself as a white guy and didn't even think about where my

parents are from. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. But don't edit this out. I think all that was fun.

You know, that's okay. My, that was my fault. Which of, of all of those? Which do you want us to

identify? Oh, that's hilarious. None of them, really. No. Because my mom does genealogy. So

she's, and if you don't know what genealogy is, it's, she just finds everything. Your whole,

all your family tree and it becomes so uninteresting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like you,

sounds interesting. And then your mom's like, did you know that you're great, great, great, great,

great grandfather worked in a store. There's no one famous, no one gives the whole family tree as a

joke. And so the truth is we're just super like American at this point. And like even that lineage

of French Canadian and Spanish and Jewish and German goes so far back. Yeah. That I don't really

link any of it at all. And also like my mom, she's always finding new information now that the internet

is growing so rapidly. They're like, I'm not even sure how Jewish we are. Yeah. You know, like it,

it's like, you know, but being Jewish is somehow this like starlit thing in Hollywood. So like

when she said it, I go, am I doing it? Yeah. Did you, did you, whoopie Goldberg at like pretend to

be Jewish? No, never. Never. Never. No, never. Hi, Jeffrey died. Yeah. Cause it's so not

anything. We don't celebrate none of it. I think my mom just mentioned it. It's like so far back

that, you know, Jeffrey Goldblum died. I get to go to Israel for free. Yeah. I'm one. I'm one.

Yeah. The other thing about the genealogy stuff is if you get the websites or the apps like

ancestry.com, it'll say you'll like do it because a bunch of people just add their trees to it.

Sure. It'll say like you're descended from Henry the eighth in Genghis Khan. Oh, yeah.

Eventually. Of it. Yeah. And it's like, I emailed. I, this is embarrassing. I emailed the

College of Arms in the UK to see if I could use the Noles crest because I was descended from

the skies or Francis Noles who was the keeper of the previous person. I emailed them. I was like,

I just found this out. And then they responded to me and they're like, actually, no, you're not.

You're not. You made that up. That's not. He was like, all those websites are bogus. Yeah.

And it's not true. And you don't get to use the arms. Isn't it weird? First of all,

that sucks that that happened. Yeah. I'm sorry. Thank you. But also, isn't it crazy that we live in

the most conspiracy-obsessed world, right? The internet has really turned us on to all these things

where we're going, oh, did you know maybe this and these people are lizard people and you know,

this is all everyone's freaking the heck out. But then we're so comfortable just sending our DNA

to some warehouse. Where am I from? Yeah. You know, dude, they can just rack it up. Everyone's DNA

in these buildings. They can frame you for any crime anytime. We're just making another one of you.

Yeah. Well, I'm not worried about another Jeff, but I'm worried about them sprinkling it on some

girl that's missing. Yeah, there's DNA's all over this chick. And I don't even know that lady.

You know, like that's what I'm afraid of. It's a very specific example. Hold on.

This is the... Well, it's making a murderer. You know, when they found Steve and Avery,

like they found that they had punctured the samples from his prison DNA. Really? Yeah. So they,

like, they found blood on the girl's car and they're like, well, his DNA was on it. But then they

went to the prison and somebody had tampered with all of his blood samples from the prison.

This is going to be what the cops point to when you get arrested for killing that lady.

And they'll say, no, but my defense is, I talked about how I definitely didn't do that.

I'm like, so therefore... This clears me. I'm innocent. Yeah, okay.

You're up and I'm clearing my answer, okay?

All right. And of course, and also apologies to the Wizard of Oz on the last question.

You made a good question and we all ran him over the holes. We did...

Increasingly of all the conspiracy theories about strange humanoid beings, aliens,

Candahar giants, Bigfoot, is Bigfoot now actually the most ridiculous?

And I have to say what you're going to think. Yeah.

Correct. You got that right?

They're... Guys, because there's way more absurd ones than Sasquatch.

Yeah. Also, you'd have to be, you're way too smart to think that that's the most absurd.

Thank you. There were just reports of a Bigfoot.

Like, again, it's like that's probably not real. But what's the craziest one?

Well, actually, before we just mull over that, that's ridiculous.

There's always reports all the time.

Just because it made it to Yahoo News doesn't mean that you know they just had a few reports in Ohio.

Yes, every day people are seen bipedal hominids in the woods.

Also, monkeys that walk upright isn't that absurd, especially if they're nocturnal.

Yeah. Living in the woods. I think there's thousands of them. It's just a descendant of

Giganticus when the Asian land was like, they think they migrated over here. These are just

descendants of Giganticus. So you're a totally Bigfoot build? Yes.

And also, I'm happy to talk about Bigfoot with anyone who thinks it's real or not real.

If they've done any homework, that's the problem as people go, oh, that's all made up.

And I go, but you don't know about it. Yeah. You've not read a single thing.

Yeah. You've not looked into it. You've never asked Indians or

loggers or people that are out in the woods all the time. You don't ask any of these

guys that are out there. Yeah. It's wildly likely that there's creatures in our caves that we

don't know about, that there's hominids or primates that we just haven't discovered. We have people

we haven't discovered yet. Yeah. And yet we think that like, oh, Bigfoot's not real. It's like,

you live in Sherman Oaks. What the hell do you know about Bigfoot?

Yeah. So it's always people that know nothing about it who want to tell me that it's fake.

Yeah, they're a weird multi-color light-up fish at the bottom of the ocean that we just

discovered like six minutes ago. Well, you know, pandas, these people in China are going,

yeah, we're seeing these black and white bears and everyone's like, you guys are idiots.

And like, so pandas were just considered like nonsense until not that long ago.

And then even gorillas was like 1890 or something, which is a long time ago.

But that means all the way up till 1890 people were like, oh, sure, there's a giant

or like human looking thing with muscles. And you're like, and now what's going to happen is

Bigfoot's going to get discovered or killed or put in a zoo. And everyone's going to, and everyone's

going to go, oh, yeah, we know. You know, what do you mean? You're all going to be crazy forever.

Yeah, they're going to gasize your art. Are you, where do you stand on aliens?

Oh, aliens are definitely real. They're real. I think they're totally.

I think they're here. I think they've been here. I think there's lots of different types of aliens.

Do you think they're okay? Because I, I think if it's a real thing that people are seeing,

I think it's probably demons. Like they're not, they're not physical beings.

Sure, virtual beings. Are you, you think it they're physical?

Little, little, I don't know much about it. No, that's the thing. My favorite thing about

conspiracy is not pretending to know the answer, but just knowing that there's a possibility of it.

You know, I'm saying like, I don't know that 9-11 was an inside job. I just know that what they're

telling us isn't true. But that doesn't mean I pretend I know what's real. You know, I think

when you show me a thing and we can prove that it's not, I go, well, that's both.

And then the news might have lied about that. It doesn't mean I think there's some coup

or that America did it or anything. I just know that like some of the things they're telling us

happened aren't true. That's all. You know, I think so we were talking about your ancestry and

everything. Yeah. And because some people said, oh, the Taliban was harboring these people who

came from Saudi Arabia and there were 19 hijackers who approved, but speaking of your ancestry,

no one ever talks about the French Canadians. That's right, dude.

Ever points. Yeah, we know how we know it wasn't the French Canadians.

No, wow, because that would just be us. Canada is like a woman, you know. Canada's like,

keep us safe, keep us safe. And then you're like, oh, are we together? And they're like, well,

we know we're like, what? Canada can't keep talking about America when we've been keeping

them safe forever. How about a little gratitude? Yeah, and you never get it. They talk so much trash

about us. And I'm like, we love Canada. Yeah. We love them. We keep them safe. Like, I don't

know. Like, oh, she's in pain. It's so nice to say, wow, thanks for looking at me. Yeah.

It just did. It was like three weeks ago. I hate it. They're looking over at China. Yeah. Well,

it'll, like I said, it'll take us 30 minutes and all my Canadian friends are going to be like,

dang it. We shouldn't have talked on that trash. Yeah. Yeah. We're going in liberating Tim Hortons.

Abortion happens fast, folks, speaking of death. Right now in towns and cities across the country,

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this ultrasound as they said, man, can I have babies? That is actually a club sub.

This is not a baby, Jeff. You don't have to keep coming in here. You're a guy.

Oh, so conservative. It's fine. Here's another 28 bucks. Give me my ultrasound.

No, my hospital was so republished. It's just Chipotle again. I want a baby.

Are you ready? Yep. For the rapid fire around. Let's do it.

Requestions. 30 seconds. No time to outthink each other. The score, wow.

Score right now is tied. We're both at negative one. That means neither of us are going

to run Iran. Iran, Iran. What is it? I, a very Iranian, but it's Iran. Yeah.

So that's a fun, weird, phonetic thing. I change it based on how American I want to sound.

No, that's interesting. Remember Obama really shifted? He was, he was, he was,

he was on. Pakistan. Yes. He did that whole thing. And so then we reflexibly on the right,

shifted to Iran or whatever. Yeah, I go back and forth. I'm just smug about that stuff.

Like when a girl will be telling a sentence about she'll be like, oh, and my,

she's like his panic. And she's like, my grandma makes the, the best tortas. And you go,

why did you just say tortas like that? Yeah. Like she'll say just tortas in the Spanish dialect.

Yeah, I hate that. And it's like, so I think if you're saying the whole sentence in English,

you should be like, my grandmother makes the best tortas. Yes. But if you're saying it in Spanish,

then definitely hit all those things. Yeah, no, when I do, they'll yell at me sometimes on the

show and say, actually, it's Pakistan or whatever. Yeah. Actually, it's, but yeah, or whatever.

I speak English. Yes. I think I go to an Italian restaurant. I'm, I'm with Italian

extraction. Yeah. I go to an Italian restaurant. I don't sit there and say, uh, you know what?

I would like a glass of iced tea. And I would like a plate of the Spaghetti Alacarbonne.

Yeah. They'd be insulted. Hey. Yeah. I don't, you know what I do. It was very silly. Yeah. But

what's your advice? Grujigles, gigilig. You don't do all the things for like wine. And that's annoying.

You can't do that. No. Well, I like it. No, it's, I do though when I go to laundromats. His

example is better. I, I, when I go to laundromats, I do speak the only Chinese I know.

Oh, that's it. It's probably hate that. And my grandma taught it to me when I was a little boy.

Oh, really? And it is, of course, no tiki, no washi. You ever learned that when you were a kid?

I don't think that's Chinese at all. It's, I think it is. Okay. Ready? Here we go.

Well, our eggs meet.

Correct. Yeah.

Amy's once asked me during Lent. He says, he said, I said, I was, I had eggs for breakfast on

a Friday. He said, is eggs not meat? That was the direct quote. Is really not meat? That's a very

arrogant way to ask that. Yeah. Yeah. No, they're not. It's not fertilized dummy. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. I'm going to take that clip out and just text it to me.

Is anything worth stealing worth stealing twice?

Oh, you got it wrong. Answer. Oh, I got it wrong. That was your answer.

Did you put your answer, my answer? I put my answer. Yeah. Okay. All right. You say no.

Shoot. I'm going to have to. Yeah. Because I don't think people should steal anything ever once,

twice, 20 times. Well, yes. Thiefs are pieces. So I initially just went to know. I think it's

the lowliest crime. I think we should cut people's hands off when they steal. They used to do that.

They should. You know what else they stole that? Because you're the scum of the earth when you steal.

And it starts small. You steal a candy and you think, oh, you know, I'm only stealing this because

it's gross. And you can teach people about ethics real easy with Thief. Is it the worst crime?

No, but it's just like this scumbagery. Yeah. It's like a little rape just taking someone's

thing. Yeah. Yeah. A little rape. It is. They call it orgasm, the little death. It feels so

rape. It feels so like intrusive. Like someone's rummaging through your things and took your stuff.

And yeah. And it's so grubby because they're only focused on a material good. Yeah.

They just want stuff. You just take it from someone. Like obviously, you know, there's

levels of it. But I think it's the worst. Yeah. Okay. All right. I might.

Yeah. Sorry. Davey still wants to have a conversation. You can make time with my assistant.

If you want to have a meeting with me afterward. But right now, I'm speaking to my friend Jeff

Dye. Okay. So can we. I love the dynamics of the place. It's just unbelievable. I'm trying to

like I was really clocking the hair and makeup of their dynamic between those gals. Oh, yeah.

It's my favorite. There. That's the highlight of my day. Dude, it's been I get thrown in with my

producer, Mr. Okay. This is a real rapid fire run. Last question. Is gatekeeping men's spaces

and hobbies from women necessary to preserve them? Yeah. Certainly. Yes. You have to. It's not

in. There's some people say, well, you know, and women can have their own cigar club or whatever.

But I think no, the whole point you need it. If you want to have a space just for one group,

you have to exclude. Sure. People. You get to see no sometimes. Yeah. I think and also,

I think there's nothing wrong with men's spaces. There's nothing wrong with women's spaces.

Yeah. That's healthy. Yeah. I got to understand like, you know, people talk about like men's,

but it's men's sports. Yeah. Sorry. That's a men's space. No, they won't let us in the locker room

to interview the boys. Yeah. Well, this is a men's space. Yeah. Stupid. Yeah. Where do you don't go?

Man, I can't interview the girls while they're just showering. No. Well, I got to get the best

beat on Angel Reese's seven point game. You know, it's okay to have girl things and guy things.

Yeah. Don't be a jerk about it. It's fine. It's like you join the country club and it's like,

look, this is a white's only space. Well, that's where we get carried away. Yeah. Yeah.

But like men and women's spaces, like, that's just totally normal. Yeah. Like, like, I go to the

cigar lounge by my house and I listen to these men complain about their wives and kids, which they

love. Yeah. They love their wives and kids. They just need a place to kind of go get it off their

chest. They don't mean it. They just want to go, hey, you know, my wife bought a blender that's

$500. They they they don't really care. Yeah. But they just want a guy to go, yeah, you know,

my wife, don't you don't get me started. And then they go home to their wives and kids who they

love. Yes. And I imagine women are doing that also. Like, my husband's being annoying and there's

like some space for that. That's very healthy. You need to because I know I remember I was watching

you do a whole bit on this. And I was like, that's so true. Were I little confession here?

I get very sappy with my wife and kids. Yeah. I'm a real softie. You're nice. Yeah.

I'm, yeah, thank you. But, but you do need to be able to get me like, you know, let me tell you

about the old ball and chain. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, we think, I think about my dog. Like,

he couldn't be more perfect. But I'm still like, I got to take this thing out to pick it up and,

you know, bag, you know, but I mean, I don't like my dog. Same thing with it. Yeah. Yeah.

And I don't want to say that in front of my dog. And I don't want to, I don't want to say in front

of your wife. I think those are comparable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, people we love,

the other and the other and the other sad thing too. It's kind of like the monkey in the boxy match.

The dog is probably not even going to know. Right. So you're going to feel bad. He's in a year. I'm

talking smack him. He can feel that energy. He goes, he's tired. You're up. Hold on. Mr. Davies wants

to talk again. Please, please tell me this is the yesterday game with Mr. Davies. Please.

We only you can hear him. So you sound like you're going crazy. Wait, Holly, he's bringing

something up about rape. Sit, wait, what? Oh, doctor. Is that another ad rage? Did you rape the

your Mr. Davies wants to know? Yes. This is his show now. I guess. Yeah. He wants to know,

did you rape the Jersey that you stole twice? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, that was more of a funny gag.

See, everything gets dismissed when it's a joke in my life, you know. Whenever I do something,

I'm like, I was playing around. Yeah. That was more, that was, I guess, yeah. Yeah. But it wasn't

it gross, you know, when I stole that jersey. That'd be a great game. Like when you get in the

box and you're with the monkey and you just kill the monkey and you're just like, ah, what a game?

It's funny. What a game. All right. Could AI eventually replace stand-up comedians entirely?

And that's a, we do that one. You can ask him. My is my answer.

I think you think I'm hoping. Yeah, no, I cannot. Yeah, good, good, good. No, he can't.

I really, I don't even think specials could, could replace the actual club work of comedians,

because it's so interpersonal. Yeah. It actually, even if you're not Don Rickles or something,

well, you do, you do crowd work. It's like that you actually, the comedy does come from an

interplay of the real people. Sure, it's a dialogue, which people don't think it is, but it is. Also,

comedians too tricky. You're playing with too many nuance things mixed with like, you're saying

a thing that, like, we don't ever do that with the Bible, right? Like Jesus goes, you know,

forgive your enemies. And we don't go, but we don't know how he said it. You know, maybe he was

like, oh, forgive your enemies. You know, like, you don't, there's too many different ways to say

a thing that I don't think AI is smart enough to be able to figure out. The other thing, it's the

same reason AI can't really write a poem is to do comedy. You have to create a fresh image in

people's minds, like not a dead metaphor, not a cliche. It has to startle people by its

incongruity or its absurdity or something like that. So it has to be a sincerely new metaphor.

Right. A lot of the time. And AI actually can't do that because an AI is only trained on

language that exists. So dead metaphors and there's no sensory experience. So it can't really make

those new connections. It would have to steal some stuff that's already out there. That's all AI

is a big search engine, right? It's just like, how it's accumulating all the things that are

already out there and then searching it, right? It's a thief and a rapist. Yeah. Okay.

There's a bunch of stuff on here. Do I keep asking the ones on here? Okay.

Is podcasting just therapy for men who won't go to therapy?

What do I think yields that?

You got it wrong. It's nice close. There's some confession. It's therapy for men who won't go

to therapy. And it's good. I highly recommend confession. But no, you know what's even said

podcasting? Yeah. It's often a social life for men who increasingly don't have social

lives. Sure. Women still to some degree, which is weird because women don't have deep friendships

and men do. But women still do social things. They go out and see people. Whereas men increasingly

do not. And I mean this both for the podcaster and the podcast D, people who listen to them,

but at least every white man in America now legally has to have a podcast. So they're actually

a little bit of people. Yeah. And they, so it's this, it is social, certain sense. But it's kind of

one step removed. It's almost parasocial. It's not. So you replace your, like you'd go hang on

with the guys you go to the cigar club, whatever. You replace it with, like I feel like I am friends

with a lot of people because I listen to their podcast. Yeah. And often I haven't even met them.

I speak to them. Right. I think therapy, I think podcasting, at least my podcast is therapy.

For sure. For me, because to steal from the great Jordan Peterson to talk is to think,

do you do a Jordan Peterson impression? No, but I, I respect him too much. I actually get mad

when people do an impression. Yeah. Because I like him so much that I got stopped making him sound.

It'd be like I just love him too much to receive any good impression of him. I don't, I don't

have a good sense of humor about it. You know, so that's all it is. Those impressions are hilarious.

And he does kind of sound like Kermit and all that. But it'd be like if I, they will find it the way

but open action. Yeah, but it'd be like if I'm like, Hey, check out this impression of your wife.

And you go, Hey Jeff, that's not really funny to me. I love my wife. Yeah. That's how I feel about

Jordan Peterson. I'm like, yeah, I get it, but not get off the guy changed my life. Yeah. But

Jordan talks about, I don't know if it's even his idea, but he says that, you know, we're going

around thinking we're thinking all day, but we're not really thinking we're kind of going to like

mental habits. You're just kind of going there about your day. But when you podcast or when you

talk to a good friend or when you talk to someone, you're forced to articulate all of your ideas

and thoughts and ideas. And that is therapy. Having to put it into the words to explain or

defend your position or justify your idea or justify your moral stance on something. And

that is therapy. Because now you're like, wow, like, like some things that you think are normal

once you articulate, you realize are absurd. Yeah. Like I, I mean, my therapist would talk about

the 90s. And I'm like, can you believe we were just pants and people? You know, like, I've never

really thought about it. It was just like, yeah, you pants, but we really had to explain what

it was. We're like, yeah, you'd wait for your friend who trusts you to be like holding a

tray of food or something. And then he would just pants him in front of the whole school,

yeah, which is a trauma for sure. And then if he told on you, you'd act incredulous. Like, oh,

God, here we go. All we did was pull his pants and underwear down in front of the whole school.

And now he told on us, we're going to have to beat that out of that guy. He snitched on us for

the crimes we did. Then you're now your friend starts wearing his sister's eyeliner to school.

It gets really into the cure. He starts working at GameStop for 30 years all because you and your

buddies wanted to say what you have to say it. Then it becomes you realize the gravity of all

these things. Yeah. You know, like explain why you feel this way about your daughter or something.

And when they have to like really say it, they're really thinking about it. And that's why they get

choked up or that's why so I think to speak is to truly think. And that's what therapy is supposed

to be. Yeah, it's right. Yeah, it's true. But it's not like philosophy. It's like a kind of

introspective social thinking. And that's why young people have when like you see these man on

the street things, we might dismiss these things on daily wire or any of these things when you

some a guy goes and asks a college kid to be like, you know, and those are kind of fun. Got you

a real like look, this kid's an idiot. But it's because that young person is probably never had to

really explain how or why they think the thing they do. And so it's really healthy to make them do

that. Yeah. Because then they're going, damn it. Like I've never I don't know. I'm just I'm working

on feelings. It feels right to defend these marginalized groups or feels right to defend trans people.

But when I really have to put it into words, the logic isn't there. No, that's good.

And all that stuff isn't there. So like the feelings are good. I'm glad these kids have all

these great feelings because the heart is good. But now we're forcing them to use the brain. You

know. Yes. Yeah. The question clearly meant to deride podcasting by comparing it to therapy.

But you actually made it seem good. Yeah. I think it's healthy. Yeah. It reminds me when I was a

freshman in college, I was talking in my roommate. And we're talking about politics, what we're

thinking about. And I was like, Oh, yeah, I'm on the right side because I think this and that.

And why is this good? Well, because I think this and why is this good? Because it leads to this.

And finally, we got down to I said, Well, because you know, it's about liberty. And my roommate

asked me this question that that's floored me. He goes, Well, why is liberty good? I got really

angry. So are you? Of course. Yeah. Yeah. But so that's actually a good question. Yeah. Why is

I had never I was at that time a libertarian. Right. I had never even considered why liberty is good.

Yeah. I can go a step further. Having to explain if you just start going why? Why? Why? Why?

Having to explain why it would be immoral for someone to be attracted to young people or

children or animals or something, trying to defend that position of why that is immoral,

which we all think is absurd. You would never even have to do that. Yeah.

But by having to explain why it is obviously I'm correct. You shouldn't be hooking up with animals

and children and things or minors, especially young animals. But by explaining it, I did get this

overwhelming sense of compassion for people who might struggle with that. Yeah. Because now the

feelings got involved where I'm like, Man, I can imagine being in a position where you're so

where you're conflicted with these attractions to things that are immoral and unjust. And I think

that's where a conservative struggle. I'm a conservative and I struggle with I'm so right about

a lot of these issues because I've brain busted the words and the articulating and the defending

and the arguing. But I haven't been very nice about it because I'm so it's liberty stupid.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. But then that forces you to go, okay, you know, this is a fair question

and I need to work on my heart about this. Yes. Like I'm being a little hard on these trans people

and I should be more sensitive and then they're going to hear it because I've got all the

facts. No, it's so right. Yeah. It's very easy to be nice to mother Teresa. Sure. It's actually

hard to be nice to the guy in prison or the thing or whatever. And then you think, well, the

the grimeiest, most wicked type of criminal is a pedo. Yeah. You think, well, hold on. But

aren't I supposed to at least be somewhat gracious in how I think about things? Yeah.

Even as I'm trying to explain something profoundly evil. Like because you know, you can you can

convince people as to why it's bestiality or something like this. Yeah. But then what if when

you have to explain to someone, a brother and a sister, they're both 65 years old, well-passed

childbearing age, they want to have an incestuous relationship. Is that wrong? Right. It is. But

why is it wrong that you have to defend it? That's right. Like you have to explain why that's

and you can't based on how most people think about it. The reason they think it's wrong to sleep with

animals or children or something is because well, there's no consent. Yeah. But in the case of

the 65-year-old siblings who want freaky, they can consent. What if the animal is entering the

person? What? That's consent. Yeah. That's an image in my mind now that I did not

correctly expect. Because you can say that's that's too that. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? But

that these are the kind of conversations where you have to like really defend your bad position

on it or know maybe the one thing that I think with like what you just reminded me of what we're

talking about is that like you know like racist like racist racist people. Yeah. There are very

evil racist people or not evil but they're the racist people and we're taught and we're teaching

young people to just hate them. Yeah. They're the worst and that's the worst thing you can be

or it's to be nice and teach them that being racist is ignorant and stupid. Yeah. Where's

a compassion for these people? Yeah and called for let's let's reform them. Let's make them not

racist. Yeah. Let's not just go and beat them up and get that's just probably going to make

them a little more racist. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that like you have to have all angles of those

things. Like you can say you'd be like look racists are very very bad. Yeah. They're not as bad as

gypsies. You know. Yeah. Okay. All right. You get it. All right. There's one more. One more.

Okay. Generally speaking is a relationship between a 37 year old woman and a 20 year old tiktok

too large of an age gap and I have to think what you would say. And this started with

generally speaking by the way. Yeah. It is. It is. But only because he's 24 and she's 37. Like if

he were 54 and she were 67 it wouldn't matter. Yeah. But because he would ostensibly the point

of the relationship is to get married if you're a 24 year old guy. And probably the point of getting

married is death kids. And if you get married let's say they get married 38 39 the odds of having

kids are very very low. And so you'd be you'd be subverting the very purpose of the marriage. And so

the relationship would be pointless. Yeah. But do we need to be making more tiktokers? You

know. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. This says of an age gap for what though? For you know for

a healthy relationship for a nice family. Who knows? Who knows? Yeah. So you're right. That's

a good way to take the tiktokers out of the blood. Yeah. And also it's like it's like for what?

I don't know. Like people date all the time. I'll see some old guy with some young chick and I

roll my eyes. But if they're happy. Yeah. Right. But if you see an old lady with some young guy

I would be like you go girl. Look at her. So it's like who cares? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I

but I got that right. So you're going. Got it right. Okay. This is rough.

I have one chance to redeem myself. Before we get to that though you watch the show. You love the

show. You know you need you need New York. Well you can get your hands on the game. Yes or no

game. Yeah. Here it is. Best selling most important day with the daily wire only available daily

wire.com slash shops. It's simple. It's addictive. It will tell you exactly how well you really

know the people in your life hundreds of cards up to nine players. No liberal nonsense. Plus you

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for a limited time. Go to dealer wire.com slash shop and order the yes or no game today.

Are you ready for the final round?

This prompt. This prompt. Well you see we changed the lights. This the prompt will be read.

We will both lock in our answers and then we will move our glasses to yes or no to see if we can

read the other person's mind. The round is worth double points. It could change everything.

The score right now we're we're tied at zero. Oh yeah. This was all pointless.

Okay. So we put the glasses so here I'll put mine on the wrap all under it. Yeah you yeah you put

yours on. No you put yours on die. Oh die. Okay. I'm going to read the prompt. You lock in your

answer and then you move my glass to where you think I would go. You got it.

Is a video prompt. Okay. Today is the day. I spent the last two years studying every post,

every video, monitoring likes, engagements, who's being rewarded, who's being promised. Look

at order one bottle of champagne called my agent got the okay. They said they don't love it but

they understand. They've already had other clients drop something similar. It is through a

celebration. So if you have sparklers too, that would be good. Benefits of supporting Israel

are relic of the past and today it is I will drop my pro Palestine post. One flag, no word

simple, elegant. Some even might say courageous. Who the fuck is Venezuela?

Post October 7th, is this the most difficult time in history for people in entertainment to

take a clear political stance? Is this the most difficult time? Yeah. Everyone talks about oh this

is bad for the Jews. Oh this is bad for the Palestinians. What about the people in show business?

Is this the most difficult time for people in entertainment to take a clear political stance?

And I put what I think you'll say. No, you put what you think. I put what I think. Yeah, the

okay. And now we move the glasses to where you think the other person would go.

We might be tired again. We both lost. It was both. Yeah. I was going to say the harder time

was in communism when all the Hollywood people were communists. Yes. You know, the committee

on on American activities and McCarthyism. But there it was easy. They all pretended not to be

communists. Sure. We're communists. Right. This one is hard because you go, you've got a

fun guy on the right, a guy on the left, a Democrat, a Republican, whatever. You don't really know,

especially with young people, you really don't know what they think about Israel, Palestine.

Sure. You just have no idea. Yeah. And also they're all like, they're all liars. That's how

Hollywood works. They're actors. They'll say like whatever they think that they will get

cheers for. What are they going to get cheers? Ice. And then they say, it's so then they go,

I know to say that one, you know, and I know to say this one. And they learn all those things

because they're these little like night crawler shape shifters. Yeah. And then the truth is is like,

I can't tell you how many Hollywood actors I've met. Very famous all the way down to like

delist reality stars who are liberal, this liberal that and then they get me and they go, hey,

you know, actually, they're all closeted conservatives. The thing with the left right now is

some of the power players, some of the elite lives are still pro-Israel.

The whole base, the whole group of young people and many of the eccentric people are pro-Palestine.

On the right, the boomers, very, very pro-Israel, they accept some of the boomers, the old paleocons

don't really like Israel. And then you get to the young people and it depends how edgy and online

they are. Most of them probably anti-Israel. Sure. Some of them still like, you know, young Republican

club, red tie, pro-Israel. So you're doing a show, let's say you're doing a show for it's a

split house, you got some lips there, maybe you got a lot of conservatives there. And you need to

make a joke. Yeah. What do you, I just go for the joke, whatever it is. Yeah, no matter what,

those are the rules. But I think why I'm having successes because I don't talk about things that

are that complex. I'm kind of your everyday man as far as just in general, not by design, it's just

who I am. You'll never hear a joke from me about Israel, pro-Israel, but because I don't know,

it's very complex. I can find 10 reasons on this side why these people can justify their behavior.

I can find 10 people or 10 reasons on this side. And so for me, it makes it very tough to make a joke.

But you don't have to be a genius to go, that guy shouldn't be swimming with those girls.

Right. And so that's kind of an obvious one. And then people hear my comedy and go,

yeah, because it's on my simple dude, you know, it doesn't take much to go, yeah.

I was sign-filled in the early part of the Trump era. He famously said, he was asked why he doesn't

do jokes about Trump. And he said, I don't want to do jokes about Trump. I want to do jokes about

strawberries. Right. I want to make total sense. Yeah. I think the Israel-Palestine thing also

furthermore is like really helping politics in a way because it's forcing people to kind of

get out of their tribes. All of these Jewish people who thought they were liberals for so long

are now going, oh, this is interesting. This is how people think. Be like these libs hate Jews.

But also some of these conservatives hate Jews. Right. I need to move to Iran after, yeah,

because maybe now it'll be a kind of... And it's the first time they've ever been like, maybe

I'm not a Democrat. Yeah. Ever in their entire lives. And like the only argument I've ever heard

against that was my buddy Alex, who's a very funny comedian. He said, he goes, well, I advertise

Samatism's been on both sides forever. And I'm like, what a great excuse to just stay tribal,

you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It reminds me of, because like norm would do, he would do,

he would tackle political issues. Sure. But it was always in the craziest way. So he instead of

just kind of making a little bit of a joke about, you know, Jews or Palestinians or whatever,

he would just do a 15-minute bit, needling someone on like a Holocaust in Ireland. Right.

And it would just, you go so far. Well, that's how my show is. Like I'm talking about everything's

political now. So like it's, you know, essentially, 100% of my act is political. But I just think

it's better to go after things that aren't as complex as that. And maybe you want to really,

like, do you remember during COVID, when like people are like in the stores, like in early COVID?

Yeah. And you have like, you know, the liberal ladies wearing like a space suit while she's

at Whole Foods. And then you had like a guy like my dad who's just like, no mask. Yeah. He's like,

I'm not doing it. He didn't get an angle in the store. Yes. Yeah. And he's like spitting like,

and he's like, this is all a scam. And, you know, like, and you're listening to the space suit

lady go, you got to wear your mask and the guy like my dad's like, I'm not doing it, boy. And she's

like, girl in there are you know, whatever. And I remember thinking when I'd see those videos

on the internet or see it happen in real life, that I'm like, this psycho, I don't agree with her.

And this psycho, I don't agree with him is like, can we both just work this out? We're going through

something together. Can we both just figure this out? And that's how I think about Israel and

Palestine. Yeah. And I'm like, can we just figure this out? Yeah. But a thousand more years of

this warring. Yeah, it's like, no, I think similarly with COVID, I think like, can't we just

inflict a bio weapon on the entire region? Exactly. Okay.

Last one. Last one. Final question. Q the lights.

If you had to repeal one amendment in the hopes of a greater flourishing and safety for people

in America, would it be the 19th amendment? Now if we could just get a quick refresher on the 19th

year. You know, for the audience. Yeah. Not for Jeff. Jeff knows lots of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Very

smart guy. I once had the right to bear arms. Everyone knows that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know,

we all know the 16, 17, 18th and just just for refresh. So people, I had this debate with a

major politician. And it was people always go for women voting. But it was an implicit

debate because we were talking about all sorts of different amendments. There's how many of them,

something like 26. That's what I heard. Then we're around there. Maybe. Yeah. Okay.

I already told him what the 19th guy doesn't understand. Can we please get a new producer

to this show? He tells, he goes, you should tell Jeff what the 19th amendment is. Oh, yeah. I

just really graciously did that. Yes. I just read. You see how I did that. These broads vote

non-stuff. Yeah. They don't want to. And then he says, tell him it's women voting. No. Let us vote. Let

us vote. But we refuse to go to battle. Yeah. Let us vote. Let us vote. But I don't want to plumb

or be a construction worker or do any of what the real workforce is. I like the verb plumb.

Like the one who goes a plumb. Yeah. I'm a plumber. You need plumb. I'm a plumb man. Okay. So I give

my answer. And now what would you say? I wrote. Yes. You got to move where mine would go.

This is tricky. You got it wrong? No, it wouldn't. It would be the 14th amendment.

The 14th amendment, which is that it'll get me in trouble because that's like equal protection

and all this stuff. Yeah. They're going to call me racist also because of the whole rest of

our show. Yeah. Charlie Kirk said some of us civil rights and nobody refused. Yeah. Nobody ever

listens to the second sentence of his argument. Yeah. That's what that was all going around.

They called him a racist. They still be innocuous. It's so insane. But no, the 14th amendment is

really bad because it basically just blows up the whole constitution. And it actually changes the

structure of the constitution. And then it let's these lips do whatever they want. So we're

going to redefine marriage and we're going to execute the president because of the penumbras

and the shadows of the 14th amendment, equal protection, substance duty process.

Well, let's talk about the 19th. Yeah. That would be the second one we repeal.

But the first one, maybe the 17th one. Did it say first? Yeah. Is that if there were one? Wow,

that's crazy. So the final score, because of that, we're tied until the last. Yeah. Because of

that, the final score is zero, me, to negative four. Negative four. Yeah. That I would say it

probably just be zero, zero. Isn't that how scores work? Yeah. So you all I'm saying is when you

move to Iran, I'm going to I'm going to teach you one little phrase that you're going to have to

use around the light. You assume you don't speak for a seat. No. Write this one down. Okay. No

tiki. No washing. Yeah. There it is. Be sure to check out Jeff's new podcast. Die hard with

Jeff Die. Available now on YouTube also from dating disasters to brutally on his take some modern

life. You do not want to miss Jeff Die's tour happening right now. Fast, fearless, just a little

bit inappropriate. You are going to want to see this live. Get your tickets now. I already said it.

Did you buy them already? Get them now. While they last Jeff Die.com, we don't have a teaser from

his current tour. It's too fresh. It's too real. But here is a clip from the last cowboy in LA

to give you a taste of what you will miss if you don't grab your tickets right now.

I hit rock bottom in Hollywood, California. That is a bad place for rock bottom because everyone

is mean to you there. In Hollywood, everyone, my entire career, everybody in Hollywood has been like,

you're not even famous. I've never heard of you. You're not famous. You're not famous. You're

not famous. I have never heard of you. You're not famous. You're not even famous. Okay. And then

I have one bad day and it's like famous comedian. Crash his car. Oh my god, damn it.

There he goes. It's a lot for us. Yes. Yes. Also, if I'm honest, I actually like trans women better

than I like regular women. I do. Have you ever talked to a trans woman? They're great. They're like

dudes. Rodog and life. This is brave. What I'm doing right now.

I like her. She likes naughty words. She's probably not a smart subject to do on my first

special, but, you know, I just started cancer. I like the start of cancer. All right.

I will first of all, Jeff. Thanks for coming. Thank you, man. You're the best. This was excellent.

Absolutely. I'll see you on the next episode of Yes or Now.

Yeah.

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