The Musers - 840 bit Fake Nolan Ryan

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The baseball season is underway and Ranger's opening day was yesterday, the league kicked

off another season, the leagues, I guess, major league baseball, the two leagues kicked off

the day before that.

So since it's in full swing, we thought we would talk to one of the legends of the

game.

Joining us now in the ticket hotline is the former Ranger Great, the Angels Great, the Astros

Great, the Metz Great, Nolan Ryan.

Good morning.

How are you?

Good morning, you guys.

I'm just sitting around in a breakfast of wild game.

So I still got all the food in my mouth, sorry about that, it's meat's kind of tough.

What you got this morning?

Well, I'm having a barbecue condor legs and insomniated jerky and I'm washing that all

down with a tumbler of bullseam and then wow, my gosh, and of course I locally source all

my own food, I killed a kangaroo last night for my supper at local, I didn't need it,

I just killed it so I'd eat my supper without being bothered by a kangaroo hopping around

me.

They have kangaroos in the Houston area?

Well, I import them, yeah, I import them to, you know, so I can have them around in case

I want to take one, you know, Ruth, she doesn't, nothing like the proof of my being such

an outdoorsman, but I don't, you know, I don't hear complaining too much about it because

I wear ear protection when I'm around her, so I really cut down the amount of complaints

out here.

Well, it's just one game, but what do you think of the Rangers this year?

Well, Chuck, as you can imagine, I was probably about the biggest Philly fan in the world yesterday.

It's too bad, man, that's not right.

I was wearing my Bryce Harper loin cloth and, you know, as I watched the game from my

burrow and the unforgiving desertscape of West Texas and I'm out here, but, and I gotta

say, it's hard to get reception after in West Texas or game.

Really?

Yeah, I had an extra set of rabbit ears to the TV to pull in the broadcasts.

Of course, then I went ahead and ate the rest of the rabbit, but, I don't know, I think

those would work and I would hate to explain streaming to you, it probably has different

meaning.

Yeah, you know, you know, that's where you're paying for gold, right?

Yeah, fine, we'll go with that, yeah.

But you know, as you guys know, and a lot of your readers know that the Rangers are cursed

because they got rid of me from the front office of that organization, right?

And so I'm real glad that they're already struggling this year.

I think, well, maybe this will teach that little bitch John Daniel who will listen by messing

with a strikeout later.

You hold a grudge, don't you?

I do, and you know, and John tried to engineer a coupe to get me out of the Rangers, and

he failed miserably.

I mean, yeah, he ran me out of there, but, but ever since I'd say I got my private revenge

on him, let's just say they haven't been able to keep a pet alive over there at that

time.

Oh, no.

Come on.

Well, he's not even with the organization anymore.

They sell your hot dogs at the ballpark.

I don't think there's any, any riff between them.

They do.

They do.

And that and I always love the Ranger fans.

I just take John Daniels, that's why I want the Rangers to keep losing, even though John

is not there.

Okay.

Well, Ranger fans still love you, so they're probably sad to hear that.

They're very sad.

Well, I root for the Ranger fans, and I don't play when the world's serious.

But I'm a little bit fragile right now, because I'm dealing with a situation that's kind

of got out of control and spun out of my control, and I had an incident that was criminal

and nature that was visited upon me and that family, I guess who broke into my green

silo and stole over $12 million worth of GMO green that was ready for market.

Not the snow monkeys.

The dank snow monkey.

Oh, no.

They were right out of the good.

They broke in there, and that, because they were, and I don't know why they had to take

all the grain, because if what I understand, they were just breaking in to steal the flash

drive that I keep in there with some bikini putt picks, I just keep it in the green silo.

Yeah.

And they took the pictures of off the flash drive, and they made a promotional calendar

out of them, and placed the calendars in the fake tractor store they built to lure

me in there, so they could jump on back and get me in one of the level of land.

So I went ahead and bought a local snow monkey costume, and then infiltrated their sleeper

cells so that I could win them over before I'd lead in them in a snow monkey rebellion

against these AI powered drones that we got out here, and I know that they would be

annihilated, and then I would dramatically be the only snow monkey still standing as

I stood on the wind swept cliff, and dramatically removed my oversized snow monkey, and I revealed

a seven-time no-hitter hurler with stated revenge in his heart, so that's kind of what I've

been going through this morning before.

Wow.

You are really motivated by revenge, aren't you?

I am.

That's kind of the thing that keeps me going, and keeps me throwing my own version of no-hitter

hurler just like to say.

I got to go now in that.

Okay.

We'll have a good day, Nolan.

Thanks for the time.

Talk baseball, kind of.

All right.

There he goes.

The legend.

Nolan Ryan.

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This is Mike Fowlow of Lexicon Valley.

And I'm Bob Garfield.

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