The One Where We Go Deep

0:00My name is Bob the drag queen and I'm gonna exchange and this is separate rivalry I'll tell you the episode Monet had a very unfortunate incident on an airplane We play how deep will you go and we find out what made Monet say this that's a little shitty that I will never have that opportunity and you find out when we Bob say this I would love for you to call me on say on-speaker phone right now Hello everyone welcome back to Silping rivalry podcast and I have a tick-tock purchase obsession I can't acknowledge this and I bought this game a while back and it's called how deep will you go and I reckon is I think it's meant to be for people you're like really just meeting oh yeah that makes sense but there's always more than we can learn about each other I've had

1:04how much how much do you think we already know that we're gonna be like I already know the answers I feel like we're gonna say it to this already I already know the answer to this already so I'm a guy but they I just did a pull Nazum Plionism Plionism Plionism Plionism but they don't know us that well though this might be someone's first it is this your first episode of Silvin rivalry please if so comment below and what how did you find this as your first ever episode like what are you doing here the algorithm send them here like diva what are you doing here a diva is a human version of a hustler correct or hustler which is offensive to the more hustlers in a good connotation right if you're hustler you're like I think well I think a hustler also has a positive connotation which means that you work really hard and you want to work outside of typical systems to make something of it super illegally or being or being or I think a hustler generally has a negative connotation a person who works very hard to make money yeah and they have hustler I think I get to my mind judge Judy's hustlers my head you're a hustler well hustlers also a term you use to grab sex workers

2:04male sex workers right they're hustlers right right right right so I'm gonna go first you ready so diva's a female version of someone who of a person who works very hard to make money no but no but the sex worker of a man sex worker I don't know what that's what we all say man you don't know what she meant well based on the money call her gonna be called based on the money fans she had in her thing I'm assuming it's about the money I'm using context how do you get even money from the people with men I don't think so she meant but I don't know it's like I'm not from house in Texas do you have a car I mean he was in Texas you know the color I would love for you to call you on say on speaker phone right now these niggas always trying me he you know who can't ask me to do it over and over again and I try you you I think you're trying yourself you go ahead and put up a YouTube video Beyonce I'm not I'm gonna call her right now I want to what are you scrolling I'd to find her number but you don't just type in Beyonce no because I catch it's a different one like every time we talk we chat hello hey B how are you I'm good how are you good how are

3:11blue and Jay doing yeah I see you yes and you're on the podcast I'm here you have the yes and I'm a sister principal okay I don't need to our logo do podcast okay I am about to lead a session on DE I get okay why do you have any jersey okay bye why do you have on she's been in Jersey hello and she's on like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm not we're not we're like I thought I thought I thought I thought I was Beyonce for a second the other's voices way deeper than that and way country with that hello hello hello hello hello hello blue blue and Jay I find you know Jay Nova blue and Jay I've Jay Nova Easter girl is up ready for one yeah let's do level one what's your favorite thing to do alone when you're by yourself it doesn't say I just will be getting involved this is so about do what the question do not

4:13start out of your spicy I want to make sure you know what it means just do I had a I had a peel now I need the question what's your I don't this game to not and I and I how how how much will you antagonize your your your interlockener okay what's your favorite thing to do alone you answer than I answer well I answer first yes you can tell him just gave us the directions not even five minutes ago okay and my favorite thing about myself honestly is I really like to scroll through social media it's changed a lot over time and I feel like when I'm with people I don't usually do a lot of scrolling I'm usually like with people around me so when I'm by myself I have a chance to catch up on social media stuff and I'm not really someone who's like really like on their phone a lot when I'm with people so I do like to catch up on what's going on and I also like to but it depends if I'm in the car I like to listen to audiobooks or NPR and if I'm not driving then I like

5:19to be able to like look through a phone and see what's happening on social media catch up on trends um yeah that's why I like to do it on by myself I really enjoy I feel I think it's because there's a negative connotation to doing that around people I also don't want to do it around people like I'm not great I mean I would do it sometimes in bed with my partner at the end of the day mm-hmm I feel comfortable scrolling through my phone in bed at the end of the day after we after we've spent time together and and did whatever we did eat food watch the movie whatever yeah um and I'm you know we're just winding down although I do like to cuddle before a bit but I don't like color cuddle oh but I don't like to fall asleep cuddling though no one likes that it's pretty warm it's warm people people's wise people's bodies create a lot of heat and I don't need all that also at me and talus ways we have down comforters and I don't I think I'm out of it is on these feathers right yeah it's I think it's specifically goose it's too hot like it's too hot well you have

6:27to have a summer comfort on a winter comfort you use the same one all year round well the weather the weather is pretty consistent in our life like the we are not jumping really much more than 20-ish degrees and then whereas in New York City you can jump 70 80 90 100 degrees in difference the 100 is so rare bit but it never happens here it's it's it's rare in New York it never happens here you're never I would say at LA 30 of 30 degree jump is pretty it's as rare as of 100 degree jump that's not true like right now is where we're like at 105 in the winter where I'm maybe like 60 something that's 40 degrees do we have 60s in the winter yeah what's not 100 degrees but in New York what I'm getting at is in New York City it is it is a it is a vast difference but in L.A. I don't find that I have that like the winters here are not so brutal that you need some crazy comforter well that's for me for me at nighttime it's that's why I love L.A. winters

7:31because I sleep with all my windows and sit up in the AC on I put I just open on my windows which windows are open so I can figure out the north facing one got it okay you're very bad direction so you have no idea what that is yes I know north is that way south is that way so which so which which window would that be at your home yeah the north window would be the one facing the yard that doesn't have that beat up pool next to it that's your north facing now that is my east facing window it's not it is I'm looking at it I'm not facing the pool this this is north right your house is boo boo boo boo so the one north is the is the thank you so do you want to apply the east so how is the opposite the opposite the opposite the one not facing the pool that's facing like to the garage is the other so the one face if you're looking at your house the house looking at the house which way from the front yard okay the house to the the left is your north no no if you're looking at the house bitch the house and left we'll be

8:33we'll be friendly the one to the left is the north and the one to the right is the south correct so how can this one be east if that one's not going to one not facing a pool meeting a one by the big door not your pool the pool next door okay yeah yeah also I want to say during this game we have really friendly and we have to be really honest tell us are these other five rules in here nothing we should do this because it makes the it makes the game I think the game is the game more intentional well you call me a bitch three times already and I we just started so it was the three you've been counting yes because I was kind of gagged why don't we what are we going forward to be really nice each other and we'd be really honest do you think I can answer a question now yeah go ahead I read it I can't answer you yeah the question is what is your favorite thing to do alone I think my favorite thing to do alone is to couch rot and watch trashy TV what kind of shows violent USA housewives housewives isn't trashy it can't be different seasons but yeah what's trashy

9:35which ones are trashy I would say certain seasons of Atlanta have been trashy they've gotten really like the one with Neenie spit on Kenya that was a pretty trashy season I don't watch this I can't really weigh in on this how I saw like city of that trashy I don't want to I only watch Atlanta oh so yeah so you don't watch Jersey no okay um so yeah I like couch rotting especially I have the really long day of like doing like different zooms and going back and forth and like going to Beverly Hill for for this and that like when I when I've been so busy throughout the day the end of the day the last two three hours if I go to bed just couch rotting watching this program falling asleep 10 minutes into it I have to wake up rewind rewind back because I miss whatever I it's annoying but I just it's my way to decompress after very long day god I really enjoy so now you gotta pull one yeah well I think you put it in here because the otherwise they'll get mixed up all right let me sense all right level one how did I feel let's check in real quick that

10:38felt pretty easy I think I knew that about you already like I think we just checking did you did you know about me about that one for me it's probably not um I kind of assumed it to be honest although you said it explicitly like I don't think when I think about what you like to do when you're alone that's pretty much what I'm probably thinking you're doing sitting at home watching TV I'm like you like to do it's cruel like the other day we were I was late for the pod and Bob went to use a facilities and you were in every 20 minutes on your phone and the thing is we can hear we can hear your phone be like like we can hear the tiktok's the phone bitch I want to do that this is a phone nice would be nice that felt mean mean it felt what's the place you need to travel to before you die oh do you know where do you know I'm gonna say I'm bringing a system about this for decades yeah I think I know what you're gonna say and it feels like a really vague answer he's not very vague it's very specific is it

11:43specific yeah what is it I want to go to borr borr borr borr why borr what's going on in borr borr I know I just it's so it's not it's not such a different place in the world that I've never been I've never been to um it's not it's not so I'm supposed to stop Pacific it's the I know the name of it it's like mom took my time this feels really a change attainable for you I know I for sure but I think it's a very like romance if you're going there I think you're going like romantically I don't think people go you don't go with friends I'm actually you could but no you specifically I would go with friends yeah but but as I see pictures of it and it's depicted it feels very romantic you going there with like a loved one what if you go with a friend and they come out as a love one I'm I'm not dating my friends like that I see if we go into one no best friends I should be sure on that wrap that up real quick I'd be nice you know not being nice to do on what's the place you need to travel to before you die well I feel like I I don't know

12:50if this is a travel to that probably been the most these places but I want to walk the path of Harriet Tubman from Maryland to Pennsylvania you wanted to do that I want to walk it I really want to walk that path and see what it's like to make that journey you know I mean from Dorchester County to to Pennsylvania I just want to know what it's like to take that journey in general I think it'd be really interesting to just I don't know it's just kind of experience that I feel like it'd be really interesting yeah is that answer like does that answer work do you feel in this I think it works I think it works and I want to go with some friends too like how many they be great to document right I want to go with like maybe like I want to go with maybe two or three African Americans like people who are like descendants of American child slavery and take their journey although obviously my family did not escape slavery because my family still is a

13:52Mississippi so obviously we didn't go to the North and I obviously know that my family's slavery ended with the mass place of American marriage they didn't didn't get out and I discovered my aunt willy told me about her uncle who's a slave so so I didn't I didn't come from free people so to speak or Freeman but I still interested in that journey and seeing what is like even though even though my specific ancestors did not take that journey I find it really interesting to I just want to see what's like I really want to have the experience you know what I mean but yeah before you die so we finished level one how do you feel well level one um I feel I feel like it got deeper emotional I'm not emotional well that's that was that was like something called my brother I feel like it got deeper than I thought it would be on level one that felt pretty deep for level one to be honest and maybe that's part of our connection together knowing

14:54each other so well being your actual best friend um why don't you guys want to say I'm your best friend I always know either that's something suck it by eye I thought we'd be honest and honest this thing is like my eye well you got it out by rolling them yeah you don't do that no I guess I'm on my eyes by doing this as good as you have no uh uh uh uh uh uh Lid's strength I work on my Lid's strength often you think your lids are particularly strong for sure I can open open any I can open a bottle of soda on my lips see let's go on a level too ask me I go first is no yeah do we tell her just explain the rules 20 minutes ago your favorite friend group is back fx's adults follows five remains living in new york leaning on each other to navigate love work friendship and family while tackling pressing questions of your 20s like what other person who inherited your thick ideas cooler than you will ever be why does being around your family make you aggression to your worst self or maybe how do you

15:58tell your remains that you have other friends fx's adults all episodes now streaming on hulu this episode is sponsored by rula think about the last time stress anxiety and burnout started piling up that's exactly when you need someone to talk to we use our insurance for our physical health without a second thought so why should we treat our mental health any differently this is where rula rulay comes in ruler is a health care company that partners with over 100 major insurance plans making the average patient copage just 15 bucks a session and depending on your benefits it could even be zero instead of paying massive out of pocket fees or expensive subscriptions you can get real therapy from licensed professionals at a price that makes sense rula doesn't just hand your random name either with a network of over 15,000 credit therapists in psychiatrist they use your goals preferences and background to match you with someone who is actually the right fit they handle everything from therapy to medication management and there are no endless wait lists

16:59appointments are available as soon as tomorrow so get into imama thousands of people are already using rula to get affordable high quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance if you're ready to stop talking yourself out of finding care and making progress then head to rula.com that's rulay.com and take the first step what excuses do you make that hold you back oh it's me I think that I often I think I have a hard time saying focus on stuff and I think if I probably like just buckle down I'd be able to get more things done although I do get a lot done it's not like I'm not getting things done but you're like for example just to give you a small example like I always plan to pack the night before I go somewhere always that is my

17:59plan I used to do it actually but now every time I have left this town I wake up in the morning impact and even when I wake up I am procrastinating and it's it is like down to the wire and I end up leaving town with like there have been so many times where I've had to go to the next town and buy underwear or socks because I either couldn't find socks where they'd I had in the melondry that I before so I think that sometimes my the way that like ADHD affects my brain it hinders me from doing things that I want to do like I've been trying to like get better about taking medicine and stuff but like I genuinely I genuinely have a hard time just making it to the to the pharmacy like getting to the pharmacy on the way here sometimes you know what is that I remember you always AC or something

19:00it feels like no there's an airplane right outside all right we're back sorry it was raining outside which is which is so rare in LA we were all like what we just sound we're like wait what is that I've been out in LA too long six years it's crazy but yeah I think that I I refuse to get any medication for my ADHD why which I think is just something I got for my mom like I think that she instilled in me that is that it will somehow stifle my creativity it will somehow change who I am as a person and now I just don't want to do it and I feel like I've just made this far my life without medicating myself but I'm telling you right now when I go into the pharmacy is like is a challenge like I cannot I cannot get to the pharmacy and even like stopping for gas like when I'm driving home the idea of making a stop stresses me out so much making a single stop I get very stressed out if the idea of pulling over gas I will drive like I will count the miles home

20:07and I'd be like okay I'm 24 miles to Amc i am eight miles from home that's two trips I'll just get it in two days but also not very it's always not linear like that sometimes like 24 miles this isn't isn't 24 like cubic mile like it changes no the the map tells you the road miles oh that's about like when you went when your car says you have eight miles as the crow flies okay like the map tells you the map tells you in road how far you are yeah yeah so the truth is I probably should I probably should get some medication but I just don't want to and I do think that sometimes the way that my brain works really limits me from being able to get things done like I mean it took me four years right my book yeah which is crazy and now I'm writing this play and it's I just cannot I cannot sit down and write it like I cannot I have to like will myself to sit down and write it like what do you want me to start you're good sometimes yeah sometimes I'm just staring at it I'm just looking at a screen yeah and I think I'm waiting for

21:08motivation but you get there and sometimes the motivation hits me but it's like I am just so oh you got to do I'm so um just waiting so long for motivation you did you did it with the book you do with the play look up there it might take on the four years okay and it'll be it'll be great maybe I hope so actually what excuses do you make that hold you back I think sometimes I make the holes in back is it's hard and the truth is I genuinely like in my soul we don't think anything is hard I really think I can do anything I put my mind to but sometimes I use the excuse of his heart to give myself an excuse not to do the thing but what's an example of the time he's done that like uh what I started to stand up and I was like and like to like write jokes and for the longest time Michael is about me to do it and I was like and I was sitting down to write so I'm like it's too hard and this is not something I can do I can write jokes I can be funny on off off off the off the cuff on the microphone writing comedy writing jokes is not something I can do I can't do it it's hard did you ever recover help on writing jokes with anyone no I was just because I think again in the back of my mind I knew I could do it I was just using it as an excuse to not do it

22:13so that was one thing and I think even in working on his book proposal funny um I think to my soul I'm saying it's hard it's hard yeah I was like it's hard I can't sit there and I can't write I'm like and the truth is I can I'm just using it as an excuse and moving on to the other thing that feels easier because I've told myself that that's hard do you ever use the fact that you've done so many hard things as a motivation to be like well obviously if I could do that yeah I can do this yeah I think that's what's in my head I'm like I've said that about other things and I did it and I was yeah even if it was hard yeah even if it was hard yeah so I was like no there's nothing really too hard for me I can't figure it out with friends on my own or some type of 80 I mean are you good at several um no I'm very I should have be very self-sufficient when do you think you know it's a good thing I don't think is the truth I don't think it's a bad thing I think asking for help can be obviously beneficial but I don't know I was talking who was I who was I oh I was a daunting yesterday and then we were like we were doing something for the studio sitting

23:14up lights and some camera tests and light test and he was leaving he had like a bunch of stuff because I was using some of his equipment while we ordered some stuff that got in and he was like taking all to his car I was like let me help you some of the time he's like no I got it I was like Dalton I was like I was like let me help you bring some of the secret he's like no he's like I can do Dalton is a buck 15 so can wait with rain before that's being generous yeah and now he's like no I got it I was like I was like Dalton I'm gonna help him go to my car to your car he's like he's like I don't like asking for help I don't know when I asked for help when I was like Nasha Boundary I respect it and you watch those skinny ass struggles you know I did well I brought the things to his car when I'm then I asked to help him pack his car he's like I don't want to help I don't know I don't know when I asked for help I was like Dasha Boundary and I just walked away out of the car he was he was I was 100 damn car he was like I do not need your help and I was like that's you said did you want me to help I'm gonna set my fat ass up and one fact of the studio and that's about you created around that so that's kind of like me too I'm like I don't like asking for help

24:14but I will ask for help I'm not that precious about it but that I feel that work yeah it's your turn no I pulled that one three no bitch too I mean sorry no I'm a what what's the most embarrassing member you have oh my god we're level two diva we promise to be honest I never said this all out yeah I don't even know this you don't even know this what is it you do not know this okay what is it oh god I can't say this on camera I would like for you too I don't want to be I can't say on camera we're meant to get to know each other how deep will you go three years ago this is recent yeah I was on it on a gig on a trip and I was on my way to a thing and I think this was

25:20this like three years ago this was the first time Miss cyclist borer had popped up cyclist for the explosive diarrhea oh and I was on a first class fight and I trusted a part that became that leaked out and I'm sitting in my seat oh you had it I was headed to Chicago I think oh my god it's not that's not right down and I was on the thing and I before I was talking about I remember and I farted and I realized I had a leak and I started to smell the leak and you're sitting next to someone I was sitting next to someone and I think the versus mother too so now but I was I was on the window scene but to go to the bathroom we're gonna have the past this person because I was in I was in seat 3a so I'm like at least four people I know

26:25it's like go to the bathroom and the guy is sleeping next to me so I like kind of like that gym so but I did my I do my butt to the seat to not fast him I turned my crutches to him not my butt to him so I get up I go to the bathroom I film so I'm gonna now I'm afraid it has come through the pants I go to the bathroom and I in the thing I take off my underwear underwear is soiled bitch and I now I have my sweatpants off and I'm washing them in the sink the drawers no I throw the pants in the throw the underwear in the trash but he's got to the to the pants yes there's a little bit on the pants so I'm in this I'm in the I'm in the bathroom we're trying to get the hot with a hot water is not working on the planes I'm taking the soap and the cold water trying to scrub the little backside of my pants so I get the smell out and when I wear a hoodie so you can hoodie because you always wear a hoodie there I do wear a hoodie to be at port but I didn't

27:26even think about it because I didn't want to mess up my hoodie too okay it's laying unshart in my fart by Willem Belire and so I'm washing my pants in the seat now in the thing and my pants a little wet and I got I washed them in the sink and it was fine but I took you in there booty but you wouldn't you just to shirt just to shirt and now no drawers and my wet pants will have I try to wash them so that was so embarrassing and I know the guys next to me smelled it there's probably someone to seat and that is pretty embarrassing this is very embarrassing thank you for sharing that I know I've never said it all out because I've been so embarrassed to say it all out I've never said this all out I I told one person this through text this happened to me very recently I don't know if my moral compass was compromised here or not like I think I might have been a bad person for doing this I think this guy and he came over and he gave me a blowjob and it was really

28:32bad like I need this to be over level like sharp teeth just all the second weird yeah the technique is just not great and also like a lot of talk on the way over and then like none of the delivery it was not the delivery it was definitely Dijorno and then I text this other hookup during this process and I was like I'm getting the worst blowjob ever and I sent it so then that was it and then he was leaving and then as he was leaving he needed to get his car from the valley but the information comes to me so I was copying and pasting the the valley information into the screenshot the valley information to send to him on grinders where he could get the valley information but a screenshot is not a copy so I just I went to paste it my mind was like oh you copied it but I screenshot of it and then I or I checked

29:34screenshot the URL or something and I did not copy the URL I sent him the text that said I am getting the worst blowjob ever right now to the guy that was doing the guy who was standing directly in front of me waiting for his car and then he looked down and he saw it and he was like oh and then I tried to unsend it but he already saw it and I was just standing there in my own shame being like oh my god like you were never meant to see that and I basically gave him a review right there in that moment and he and I was trying to act like I was trying to move past it but he wanted to communicate about it a little bit not a lot but he was like well hope I do better next time so wait so you were so you sent the text so while he's talking to do it reportedly you sent a full text of someone else like in the moment yeah but like I'm getting the worst blowjob ever received my life right do you think you were recording it for video like well no

30:35I think he was just like he knew that I sent it to someone else but I accidentally sent it to him yeah well if I'm sucking someone's dick and they're like this the ones I'm like what the fuck are you doing up there I don't mind if someone uses their phone what are they secretly recording I mean if I trust you enough I wasn't recording I don't know that was and he knows I was recording him he just now he knows what I was what you were doing I think he thought I was looking at porn but now what he knows is that I was talking about his performance so did you apologize I said I when I first said was that was not meant for you I am so sorry and then he said hopefully I just do better next time and then I was like and then I sent him to the URL for a ticket his car and he went downstairs and he blocked me blocked you yes which is fair completely fair so fair and I was I was genuinely mortified all's fair when we say yeah I was mortified wow mortified that is come to you I think I was in the wrong oh for sure yeah for sure and I apologize

31:50he would be honest for a second girl most of us picked the bank as a teenager because our mom and Joff is there and we never thought about it ever again and that bank has been quietly in Nicholaine downing us every step of the way monthly fee here over drafts fee there fees fees on fees on fees on fees on fees is too much that's where time comes in and baby time is changing the way people bank they're not like the traditional old banks that gave you the good rewards and pile on hidden fees unless you're sitting on a massive balance time is the most rewarding fee free banking no over draft fees no monthly fees no minimum balances none of it and the benefits actually stack Bob you get five percent cash back on your time card and a category choose gas groceries whatever your life actually is what would I choose I don't go grocery shopping how do you get gas I mean at least once someone once a time that's how it needs to be more you're building credit through regular everyday spending with no credit check just living your life and your credit grows with you time saving rate is nine times the national average nine times and if you're ever in a pinch

32:55because life happens baby spot me let's you over draft up to two hundred dollars fee free no punishment for being a person join the millions who are already banking fee free with America's number one choice for banking head to chime dot com slash rivalry that's chime dot com slash rivalry sign up now it only takes a few minutes chime is a fin tech not a bank banking services and chime card provided by chimes bank partners qualifying direct deposits required terms and limits apply go to chime dot com slash disclosures for details we're level three now I was watching back it's like what's your cookie historian oh my god what's your cookie story what is something you don't tell most people I'm like I'm like this is kind of lame it is yeah but this one feels kind of lame can we do another one is so like I will allow to yes we're gonna we're gonna make his mom destiny was the was like that's something let's go dance in the rain shit

34:01let's go dancing no the thing is should we go dance in the rain should we go dance in it dance in the rain obviously we know describe your lowest moment in life how did it help you grow this is very easy besides sure was a good one this is pretty easy for me obviously you know 24 was a brutal year for me in my house burned down my mom died and and I had a breakup and some of the stuff that I don't want to talk about but it was just all it was like it was like one after the other after the other and I was like this is crazy like it was just god it was brutal it was it was it was horrendous and I think that when my house burned down I was just so like shocked and terrified at what that made for my family who lived in that home and then when I went through the breakup well the

35:03breakup didn't happen next there was something else that happened after that and I was like that kind of shook me up and then that led to next I think the breakup and then my mom passed away I can't remember the order and I don't know how that how did I grow from that I think that I was I thought it could I don't know I don't know if I have a room for me to be honest like I'm not someone who looks for meaning in every I don't know that I'm looking for meaning in everything like am I more resilient because of that I don't know I think I'm actually much more fragile than I was before like I think that I am a much more fragile person now than I was before 2024 I don't feel like I've been fortified in any way I feel like I am just I just feel very fragile often and I have like

36:07bouts of depression when I think about like like not having um when I think about like not having anything from my childhood that really is really upsetting and like not even not a not a toy not a shirt not a not a picture not even a single picture like this actual tangible picture and and then I feel also like um you know my family became really fractured yeah during that time as well and I do not think that I don't think you did help me grow I really don't I think that I'm still processing all of that and I think that

37:08is given me um maybe more understanding when people are going through hard times specifically around loss um I think that's I maybe that is some form of growth yeah I think so and I'm probably still growing from it so that gives you more empathy for other people which I think empathy is something that a lot of people don't have these days so any not opportunities are crazy work to say but like opportunities to get more to be more empathetic I think are dope and help you be a better person so I think if 2024 started like a season a new season in the TV show of my life I don't think the seasons over yet because it doesn't really unless it ends on like a sad note then I'm definitely in the next season by this point but if it's one of those shows where they whether you have some resolution then I don't know that I figured out what that is yet um do you think it's made you more resilient though no I really don't I feel fragile

38:12I feel really fragile like I feel way more fragile than I was in 2023 I felt really resilient back then I feel much more fragile now and yeah it's gonna be a lowest moment I hope I hope you grow um probably one of my lowest moments in life was when I was 13 I realized and my father had passed so I'm a very gruesome and traumatic and off-weighter he did and I think that not really giving him the chance to select connect with him that I wasn't that he was trying to when he came up from prison stuff like that so I do feel cheated of that and me being a young adolescent kid not realizing I think is that when you're young it's really hard to realize um people's mortality like you feel like everyone's gonna live forever and like it's not gonna be a thing and I I thought I had I was like you know I can connect with him later and I can give him chances later but those chances never

39:14came and they never will come because he's gone so I do feel like that was a really low moment of life and I remember like getting information and being like wow I really want to be able to and he was trying not for like him trying you know I mean he was trying but I think I was just being a you know a 13-year-old I was like whatever like it'll be fine so you're in New York at the time yeah I was living in New York at the time I'll go back to Sinclair's into summers and stuff and he was making effort and whatever so I think never being able to have that is something that I have to I don't I don't have any choice but to make peace with it and um yeah so I feel that feels that feels shitty that I will never have that opportunity do you feel like you have opportunities with June to make sure that that doesn't happen again because I know I know you've been working on your relationship with June yeah and she's trying a lot more to her like her job and everyone's really proud of her yeah she's she's trying a lot as I'm making a better effort to make space for that and give her the opportunity to do those things and she's being very forthcoming one and want to do

40:16better so I feel like I can I can be good at working with her and been doing that which feels nice how's that helped you grow um I think it is I think because of the thing I put my father I've thought about that and let's say she was the password or something happens to her I want to make sure that I create space that me here can have that so I think the the what happened with him has propelled me to be a better son to her yeah I think the death of a parent really puts your own mortality into perspective for sure and I think I don't know if any of that is based on what is like to see someone that you were once a part of pass away and then it really makes it clear to you that you your time is limited your days are numbered yeah that might be a part of it you know I mean yeah um but yeah I think I've always said that I think death is much harder on the living than it is in the dead you know yeah we don't know I assume and I might be wrong yeah well we found

41:17out to should we should we should we make sure a pack that we go out together no no no no go out together I think the thing about dying if my philosophy's right that I won't know you only know you're wrong I only I only know if I'm wrong and I'd be like oh shit I'm in hell this is crazy yeah I don't want to be in hell I know it sounds awful yeah it's telling you they describe it pretty poorly yeah except the Mormons the Mormons actually don't describe it poorly it's what just normal you're in spiritual prison you just kind of like back on earth again or there's no hell Mormons don't believe in hell you go with that I yeah I think the Mormons don't believe in hell they believe like spiritual prison it's like a whole thing I find it very interesting they were Mormons are so wild I mean all religion as well which you know I mean the Mormons are organized with a gym the Mormons believe in hell members of the Church of Jesus Christ a lot of the Saints do believe in hell but not in traditional Christian way instead of permanent place of fire retarmant

42:21for most sinners they view hell as a temporary state of of spiritual suffering or waiting a room before people inherit a degree of heaven yeah yeah that's what it sounds like you'll like miss miss miss miss miss Venezuela oh yeah and yeah yeah my turn what is a dream you let go of but it hurts ooh a dream I let go of but it hurts I don't know about hurts maybe a little pain or a little because you've been able to achieve so many of your dreams I think that a lot of people don't get to do a lot of the stuff that you've done in the world yeah maybe a general gov is maybe the idea of having like a daytime talk show like on like I'm like mashed on national television you let go of it yeah because I I generally think just because I've like even how like podcasts like how like these networks are shutting these shows

43:22out on the time I don't feel I don't think there's a space in television for that kind of program anymore you prefer daytime overnight time I think I like daytime with a night time yeah and I think because of how the television landscape is changing I don't think I don't think that's that'll be a place for me especially as we go forward with like people are trying to these exists and they've become the new talk shows and they're not like you know it's just it's just a change a lot so I don't think that's the thing would you want your show to be live and would you want it to be every day yeah I want it to be every day I want it to be a lot of it yeah I want it to be a Friday yeah I want it to Friday situation and may I offer some perspective uh-huh because you did have a daytime talk show I did so did you let it go if you achieved it I know but in like a a a national television like a syndicated like daytime television show that's across America and different on on on ABC or CBS or NBC I mean do we let the systems tell us what success is because you had a show that got millions of views some of the episodes got over millions of views and they

44:23was pretty consistently over 200 300 thousand you guys were really big guests on it you had Bob the drag queen on the show I have Bob the drag queen I mean yeah RuPaul that's a really big bitch I had a year's Zalia you did have a year's ago you almost had tire banks but the COVID fucked you up I know this is this is before we're on matter her too um but like the youth I mean you did you did achieve that so I think if you could achieve it at that level what would stop you from being able to do it again because of how the last cable told us to change and it's changing would you create the show for yourself I'm maybe one day I will you know not only have access more access to do it on my own I think there is a version of it but I don't want to exist then that way that I want it to exist and this is you want it with a live studio on it yeah yeah yeah like Wendy Williams style or more like a Kelly Kelly Kelly Clarkson style what's the difference I think Wendy Williams was I think the format is different when they did like hot topics and so yeah Wendy was just Wendy was more gossipy and stuff she didn't interviews but it was more like focused on celebrity

45:24pop stars yeah and you have like Kelly Clarkson who I think is focused more on her guest and she is on the the gossip the old girl who's focusing on like helping stuff what what what what is the ultimate monique change talk show look like to you I think is and how are you like how are you presenting it as well how am I presenting it how are you presented like are you in drag are you doing I think and drag are you doing like Fridays in drag like what does it look like I think of being dragged all the time like it's kind of like my setup I think I would I would enjoy doing that in drag all the time a set up I enjoy doing my setup and drag you know I mean so I think you know being drag it would be a hybrid of kind of like I would like to have elements of like celebrity gossip interview and also I love love love how how Carrie Carrie Kelly Carrie Hilson how Kelly Clarkson does like the music she does these covers of like all the time oh yeah I like to have like my musical guests do like covers and do like some type of music element to it so there's like a hybrid version of it I like the games as she plays you see her and a half away when they were when they were trying to sing songs but you have to

46:26like see who knows the song first and they could not like there was a song because I was like what is this fucking song and then after way that the one she was like say she and I yeah I was like how do I know my own song yeah which I do think a lot of times these shows are like fully just manufacturing one hundred percent but I still enjoyed it one hundred percent I know he's the exact clip it was Kelly they ain't no way killing it I was a damn song but I still liked it though oh that's the um the guy that you did on sliver drag race that's not my no he's not my drag daughter my drag daughter was Alex no but he was on that season though yeah but he wasn't my drag daughter no yeah okay he's very funny is he very is your comedian yeah he's not a comedian yeah okay it felt unfair all the y'all got because like when he showed up you know I wrote Alex's jokes I don't know that I actually wrote Alex's Rose and the other two kids what he wrote his own jokes and the other guy came with jokes written I was like these drag moms didn't do anything I actually wrote Alex's jokes um and it was a throw away time word what does the dream you let go of but it hurts well I think

47:29I have let go of this dream but I think I have just given up on wanting to go back to college and I don't know why I want to go to college because I uh when I'm not a good student for starters and too I do not enjoy school I've never enjoyed school since like seventh grade I've not enjoyed school like what about school to do to do the homework or the study and like what about it the homework is really not fun for me I have a really hard time going home and focusing on homework by myself like it really felt like it really felt like I was just like physically incapable of sitting down to do homework and then it's not hyperbolic it felt like my body was doing everything to not sit down like I like and even when I'm sitting down and I'm looking at the homework I can't do it even if I know all the answers like my body will not let me do the homework my mind is like fighting against

48:29doing this homework with every fiber of my being and then as I'm like writing answers and as I get to like the last like two answers I'm riddled with so much anxiety that likes to get done you like I'm almost I'm almost I'm almost there my brain like shuts down and I can't do the math or I can't answer the questions or I can't like all of my problems often skills just vanish while trying to finish get finished it up get to the finish line yeah and I don't know why I'm about it's like that so I kind of give it up I'm going back to college I'm just too busy now like I looked at going back to school actually and I'm just too busy I would have to sacrifice too much I have too many employees I I have a home that I have to keep paying for like when am I gonna go when I'm gonna how I want to be up in school but you could do it like a different way it looks like you longer obviously but you just do like one like one course at a time like one course like one course but I guess I'm sort of associate's degree but also what's the point like why am I going like what am I proving because I think when like let's say you like you go to get this like vat stores of in African-American

49:34citizens like that I think the knowledge that you're gonna gain from the professor is in and bouncing ideas off of other people in your bouncing off of the off of your colleagues and other people you're working with I think that's what college is important and that's where and that's where college becomes like a thing like when you get to talk to experts in the field and talk to other people in the course yeah I mean there's a there's kind of a dream I have to become a historian but I don't actually want to work as a historian I just want to have the credit I just like history so I would say I am a history buff and I like history but I would never claim to be a historian because I don't have that I don't have the credentials or the skill set I just really like history I have looking up stuff I love learning about American history I I genuinely find it really I just finished up the book fearing black bodies fearing the black body and as I'm like it's talking about like John Kellogg and how he like was anti skinny people like he thought being too

50:42skinny under the age of like a certain age was like bad for the white angle sex and Christian person and he thought it was gonna ruin the ruin the white race and then finding out like the Kellogg cereal literally has like a racist background is so crazy that's actually John Kellogg like Kellogg cereal and then finding out the origins of cosmopolitan and Harper's Bazaar they're racist well they are they they're rooted in racism and and a lot of fat phobia and but they were interestingly like interested in like putting women in positions of power but only if they echoed the symptoms they wanted in their books and their magazine should I say um and I just find this stuff so interesting and how it all affects what's happening today because history everything today is because of what happened back then mm-hmm everything's happening now is because of what happened in the past yeah so I kind of want to just go figure out my I kind of want to just go get my fucking PhD in history so I can become

51:50an historian because he's a long time I know but I that's why I gave him a dream because long time I mean but you have nothing but time like well so what if you get it in 15 years I think time is the one thing we don't have nothing but like time is so finite we can generate more of almost anything time is finite but you have a lot of time is that my time is finite so I say time is or but yeah yeah your your time is invisible is finite but you do have a lot of it right that's like saying like like you know if I have a gallon of a grain of grains of sand then it's a finite amount of sand but there is a lot of grains in here you know don't take me a long time to count it all but you know I you know but I don't know how much time I have like I you know it's looking like family I don't know like the fact of my name is was 70 is crazy to me people my family do not look after 60s do not my grandma got it 54 my mom got it 61 mm-hmm and the fact that my on hazel is 70 to me is like bananas I think I think I have one on who's older than my

52:57on hazel I think and willy the good Reverend and willy the good Reverend doctor and willy yeah don't forget the doctor yeah doctor of theological studies was that we we we both do one yeah yeah that was right okay yeah and now it's time for the wild card which I pick her he picks again I mean whoever picks it it's gonna be the same one so let's grab it together who's gonna read it me okay if you have one if you have one ask a question that is on your mind what do you have in your mind hmm I have one yeah I want you to go ask what are you doing Thursday I'm so so I will I have a question okay do you do you have any intentions of adding another partner to your to your life no I have no intentions no I think I am I think we've closed the doors of the club

54:00I think we're a capacity I think that polyamory is really time consuming and really expensive I think that I think that the way that me and Tows lives mesh together is really me and Tows and Jacob's lives mesh together is really who I don't try to say I think the way they mean Tows live work mesh together actually works in a way that I notice that me and Jacob's do as well and I one he doesn't live far away like a way I've had one of the partner who just far I've never done me who was far but like we were we were great like we're still friends this day but we were just so far and also like we we just want it such different things in life that it just wasn't gonna work out but now I'm with someone with two people who like Jacob and I are like locked in and I me and tower locked in and I I didn't really truly if I'm being honest feel locked in with any of my other partners like I was like I see the end of this like it was it was playing his day like I can see it

55:07I know it's gonna be coming around it should be coming around the amount of what you come see you know I mean and I think that I am I am at my limit do you think that you are what do you think are your aspirations for dating because I know that you were just recently saying that you were like not trying to date nobody yeah I think my aspirations is to really take a chill pool for a year and like sort myself out and be that way and I think I really really really I'm looking for what I see for myself in the future partner is on the same level in terms of what we want into goals romantically what do you want as a goal um I want children I don't know if I I think children I think I do want children but I want it with a partner that I feel can adequately I want the same things for my child and would raise my child the same way I would do you want to move I don't want to move I do like living in LA I want to be by somewhere like living I don't mind having two properties somewhere like with another partner to progress but I think I do want a partner that has their own like I don't think I'm interested in meeting someone who doesn't have their own setup

56:12can I translate where you're saying mm-hmm are you saying no brokeies yeah or a partner that I have to cuddle and take care of them oh so no emotional brokeies either no you can you be emotionally broke can you I think people can't be emotionally broke I don't want you don't want to be within a emotional brokeie no like you have to be a you have to be self-aware and know like what you have going on emotionally what if you're dating someone who like has a little too much going on like like like what like they are never home and they are always on they are always at work and they they're like would you date someone whose career is their number one priority yeah because I think for a long time my career and my career is still my number one priority I really love work I really really love what I do for work and but in that I still find time to prioritize myself and my partner but I think that someone who's very ambitious about their work is sexy I find that to be very charming and I find that to be very endearing so to mind that and yeah what also comes along in this year and they just sweep you off your feet and they're a newly designed feet and they don't have any of the

57:16corrects or characters listen no they have well you say you want to wait a year oh they're coming before that I'm open to it but I just think that I want someone who is emotionally mature self-aware and can you do me can you do a quick exercise what close your eyes uh-huh imagine this person and tell me like what are you seeing what do they look like what are they wearing what kind of car they keep your eyes close what kind of car they're driving what kind of job do you think they have which is just it's just an exercise like what first of all how tall are we I think you're definitely about six foot two okay and what do you think this person you know where they're from I think they're I think they're British is it British person with this is a British person okay and what do you think we do for a living I think they're in some type of like I think they're like a a manager of a MNS what's an MNS it's like a supermarket okay are you

58:24doing a thing no are you describing someone you know no okay he's a manager of MNS but a general manager so he still lives in Britain mm-hmm oh okay yes now so you're a long distance you think I think that we're a long distance but we travel to see each other often how often at least quite annually so you see him four times a year yeah right god this I just didn't expect that I really thought you'd be seeing this you can open your eyes now I thought you'd be seeing this person a lot more frequently no you know when you know this summer when I was in the country and I was like oh my god this this person to oh my close friends oh is that person MNS no no no that person is yeah the little fancy bags oh my god can you not say stuff just just stop talking just stop talking but that's a situation right they have a very nice job and I think

59:26in a situation where we see each other as often as we want to because we both have the luxury of being able to go see the other person mm-hmm but I don't I don't to quote would be Goberg I don't know about in my house for right now I think also because I'm just off of something recently I think right now I don't know about in my house was a song by uh what's today I don't like people I don't like people all up in my house I never I want people up in my house her name is Alicia no she she also did she also did earth is ghetto Alia Alia Sheffield yeah the lyrics like I don't like people no I don't like people all up in my house especially like I want to be a home by myself so why do you feel about this game what did do you recommend this game to people would you recommend to play this game with someone that you are literally just meeting yeah we both ask you what's what's yeah we ask these other question I

1:00:26didn't really have I mean I just I kind of asked I asked I expounded on it no we asked you by what I asked when I asked when I asked about the partner in the in the love life and then she asked me about all of life yeah I said I said I said I said I said I said I said you know you don't you know pay attention yeah I said I said you know if you're a laptop diva I said are you just going to get and getting another partner and having another partner we will attack you together yeah yeah made me clear it up yeah go go go go go go go go run in your rain you're right you're very more I don't know I so I I played this game I played the romantic game with the partner before and to be honest the questions are pretty similar to that and I'm like I don't know if like like how how how how how long have you been friends are you asking them this question well I think it's a game for people who are just meeting each other you know you know I mean yeah yeah clarity of clarity of me I think like how soon like a day a week I honestly I would play

1:01:34this game on a first date a first date it's crazy like even a friend date I was going to first friend date no you don't know if you live in one that would be your friend friend well I found out real quick my plan is going so are you going to judge them off the dancers and be like oh not my friend anymore um there are certain things there are things you could say to him this game that would make me not want to be your friend yes I think sure I think I would play this game with someone that I am friends with like I would play this game with Kim with me only like friends that I am very close with but I would like to go a step deeper on like find out like some of these deeper questions but not like someone I met at at hot dog on Sunday and then on Monday night they're like let's play this game like that's what I feel so intimate when I go to parties and I talk to people I really get straight to the the heavy talk like I don't stick around too long like I figure out I first find out what's your name where you're from what do you do and once you get past that I am I am typically asking deeper questions at like at parties and I and if I feel like I'm not going to get that from you I am a party pinker I ping at parties you like oh Bob and I'm everywhere until I find someone

1:02:38who's willing to get into it with me you know what I mean yeah I recommend the guy I found it's fun and I'm glad we played it together I find it fun are you learning about me yeah I did nice do you learn anything about me I did actually yeah work I especially around uh your father's passing mm-hmm and around your uh career aspirations as well yeah I feel like I've learned quite a bit about you actually yeah yeah I know I have my studio space I definitely want to do more stuff and expand and what I do also I have to realize so much filming space at my house I kind of want to do this like this this I'm gonna set up in one of the rogers like a just garage carrier situation I wonder like set up a set there I know you drag a car everything whatever which what's the idea I have for you I know and I'm gonna execute the idea in our space can I share a question oh god here we go Taylor like can I help you execute some ideas what's going on there you can help me that was what what was here we go Taylor because Bob you always on so I thought it was gonna be some ridiculous question I am always on something yes that is

1:03:39sure just for always on something what do you want mushrooms probably at this point I think you should let me help you execute something your ideas okay so we're shaking on I'm yeah we hit the test shake on it shake it looks like a jerk I haven't drizzled this alone thank you everyone