The Shoney’s Intervention: MRIs, Mercy Seats, and a 52-Year Masterclass in Grace

Welcome to followed by mercy with Austin Gardner.

This is where we talk about God's grace and mercy

that meets us and follows us even in our lowest moments

and lifts us to hope again.

No matter what's been broken, here's love still heals.

So let's move from pain to praise together

because surely goodness and mercy does follow me and pursue me

all the days of my life.

The restaurant back then, and I don't know if you've ever heard of Shownies,

but he went out and said, Shownies, and they had an intervention.

We weren't married yet.

And they said, you make her cry too much.

Why are you some mean to her?

I said, I'm not mean to be any.

I mean, I, uh, with friends, I like her.

And they said, you make her cry too much and you're going to apologize.

Because three of them.

I said, I'm sorry.

And they said, we want you to apologize to her.

I will.

I didn't know I was doing wrong.

They said, if you want to be a good Christian, you won't be a pastor.

You need to learn how to treat her.

Thought I treated her pretty good.

So I go to her and I apologize.

We've been married about six months.

Those three guys call me and they said, we won't meet with you at Shownies.

I said, oh brother.

I said, you're going to do it again.

But when I come to, they said, okay.

You're right.

You won't make her cry.

She just cries all the time.

And some of my friends would actually come to my house and walk in the door.

And they'd say, the room's dirty.

They start crying.

And they go, five seconds.

I got her cry.

Five seconds.

So they became the joke.

We can make Betty cry quick.

Because they found that she just cries all the time.

It's cries when she's happy.

Cries when she said she just cries.

Sorry, pastor.

I'll shut up.

One thing for the Gargable realize is he can sit here.

He can do whatever he wants, how he wants, it doesn't matter because this is really this man is one of my heroes.

And I'll never tell him, hey, it's time.

I'll never do.

I'll never, ever, ever, ever.

I do anything here that for you or to you.

But that being said, the floor is yours or like I said, we're we're doing these split sessions so that we have more.

More direct teaching for each and Miss Betty's got the one. I'm looking at a beautiful woman sitting there

And she is she is going to straighten them ladies out for y'all

Hey, she might have them ready to straighten us out. I think she is the best woman I have ever been in my life

No, I've never known anybody like her and I don't know how long we're gonna talk on this how what we're gonna do here

Well, you've got much time as you wanted it. I guess I got a wait let when the woman in her shirt's up, right?

Yeah, you're gonna talk over and it looks to me like they're doing they well

I think Betty won't hurt her to read but Betty is very uncomfortable. She is

Now she is much of people personally my family makes fun of her my children are grown

My my oldest son's 50 my youngest son's 40 and got two daughters between them and so she'll go to Costco or she'll go to Walmart or

Coals and she'd be gone forever and she comes in she won't bought two things three things

And they say do they know the term is sharing you used to be improved. They know I was born in Rome

They because Betty was now when she walks up to the clerk

She's gonna have a discussion with the clerk when I'm angry she wouldn't talk to anybody but once she started talking she don't quit

I don't want to preach at your or anything

I'll just like chew the fat with you and I

I won't mind if you want to interrupt me or ask a question and discuss it

But I would like to go back to Ephesians 525 you don't have to take notes

I'm not asking for you that but when I say husband's love your wives like cross love the church or not when I say that's what the Bible says

Probably the first thing that would come to my mind that we have got to work on is forgiveness and that's what he did he forgave us

And what does it mean to forgive?

You know, you know

He in the Bible says he doesn't remember our sins. Yeah, that doesn't say you forgot our sins

He doesn't forget. He's God. You know, you don't make mistakes and then like I always I'll

But it's like he says I choose not to remember that about you

So I choose not to remember that

forgiveness means I release you

I release you I let it go

In fact is you know here while when the word for forget is

The same root as divorce

And a divorce what do you do put away?

What is God that would your sin put away? That's a wild thought isn't it?

That's what God does did you know that he or I would tell you that you all remember more about each other

On the negative side than he does

Because he chose not to remember and there's I just like to mention to her

Two or three of those things about it that I think I really know I'll bring it to marriage one

In Colossians chapter one. He says that he nailed it to the cross

He says he blotted it out and he says he says in that passage of scriptures

He is trying picking over

Principalities over rumors over dignitaries Satan and all that junk that's ruined our lives

He has whipped it and separated it from us and nailed it to the trade and so whenever you and I

Whenever he whenever he thinks of Austin and Austin has done

Way more than enough to go to hell

And fail God way more. He looks at me and says

I put all that on the cross on the cross under my blood. It's good. It's off the record. I release. I release

I divorced I get rid of it's gone

Then another one in Psalms. He says I separate your sin as far as the east is from the west

Now I know you know all this

But you know you realize that if he to say north and south, that's a definite difference, right?

But east and west is there's no different distance

Fact is right now from y'all would say the east of you is but in Georgia we go we can see y'all y'all the west of us and

When we're in the east east is Georgia. That's the ocean in your city

Yeah, and and you know if you're standing in Utah and go east as far as you can go

You can get all with other side of the world from here. Whatever the exact spot would be which can't get you

That's how far where he separated and what I like about that is when when I think about that when he looks at you

Here's sin. He put it right back there. And so when he looks at you. He don't look at you and say I know what you did

He doesn't even think of that what he thinks of you

He put that back there and it's it's forgiven

And he says well, I look at you. I don't look at your sin. I look at your past. Can we talk just a second about

marriage now

I don't know how far along my 52 years is compared to yours because there's like they could told you the God our church

He just thought that was so cute. I think I've been married 50 years and most everybody's like wow

But that guy and he's a sweetest the sweetest you'd never be the sweeter man

But he just goes that's key, but over the years you're gonna have your little run-ins and a lot of times

What I like to remind people is it's that it's like

Little grains of sand in the bed, but he and I don't have any big rocks

I mean really she has never been with the bells. I've never been with the bells. We've only been with each other

I mean, it's just us. We've never actually spent a night apart over a fight now if we have set a step in the same bed

Mad as mad as we could be at each other

I didn't hear the coal back not the coal shoulder

I turned in that bed. I used to weigh 300 pound by it

And I bounced and I might she'd be over and up

And I just warned her. No, I was till my head

I didn't say word

Hey, I didn't say word. I didn't yell at her. I didn't buzz at her

And she goes she goes sometimes in those fights. She's a good night

I'm

I'm just saying I could be a horse of fear

You know what I mean, but see those are little sand things and if we don't get ripped

Those we don't forget we don't release that

We hold on to it. It adds up and it becomes

You can turn a mole hill

Tell us a hill, but you can turn a mole into a mountain if you're not careful. So forgiveness

Is giving us as who we are is what we do and and we do that because that's how Jesus does

He for he forgives us and he continues to forgive us. Let me just

I think this is very likely true about most of you

I'm guessing but I send more since I trusted cross

I did before I trusted crossed I

Was seven years old almost eight when I got saved. I mean, I was a wicked fellow

Yeah, but let's be honest. I was a wicked way to fail. What did I do disobey my mama? I mean what it's seven. I mean

I don't I'm smoking dope and shooting up heroin. I was seven

And and so you know cross forgives this point when we get say but he keeps on forgiving

And and that's I think the biggest lesson for all of us

Is that we forget now forgiven doesn't mean that what they did was okay

For even doesn't mean that you necessarily don't talk about it and say we need to bring this up fix it and and move on

But forgiveness is I don't lay any blame. Yeah

Forgiveness. I don't lay any blame. I release you. I divorce it from you

I know oh, I know a

a woman who

ran away from home horribly embarrassed her family and she just was still living at home and messed up and did some really bad stuff

But you know what for you miss does don't you let your come home never brings it up never brings it up

That's not who she is and that's what we got to do in marriage. I've got to constantly be

forgiving not let me just say that sometimes married people aren't on the same page

Sometimes we breathe the same book. Yeah, I mean something we know the same planet

You know we we can be married and we're not doing it, but I'd like to remind you that you are man

I don't mean to be ugly when I say this, but man up

You know what happened Betty didn't want to be with me

She didn't like me

She's I'm I'm put in to the sea. I'm a redneck country boy

I literally did grow up milk and cows every morning every night by hand

I used an outhouse to last in the 10th grade our house had four rooms in it and so the kitchen

Diner room was in his little bigger room and then the living room was a bedroom and a living room

And there was another bedroom and then there was a kind of a lean tube room on the back

Where I slept 10 roof and no no inside

So when the rain came it often leaked through the snow came through my brother tell you horse towards he's younger than me

and uh

My daddy met my wife. He loved her. It didn't I mean within two hours

And he never quit loving. He always something. He was the best woman ever walked which I agree with but

When he pulled up and saw her home Betty grew up and her daddy was a Texaco all executive

office

man

Betty's bedroom

Was as big as half of our house

She had a walking closet. We didn't have a closet

She had a walking bathroom

Where I bathed in

And my daddy said oh, I made a big mistake. He said you'll never be able to for this woman

So getting married, you know to her was was

Something beyond me and and I just want you to know

That she's side love me and you side love your spouse. I had to win Betty

When I say we're man

I don't know who if you

Without joking around. I think most of us had to pursue our wives

Betty was not an easy catch. I went to ask Betty on a date

I did not know it at the time

But she went on the date because she liked it was a double date and she liked the other guy

So the other guy Jürgen Bailey and Sally who later got married and Austin and Betty

And Betty went because she liked Jürgen so I'm the third nothing and I put my armor under that night and tried to

You know be romantic. I was hoping for a kiss

She was like a block of ice

She wrote her mother and said I had a date with this guy, but he's a redneck

I mean, I told her I loved her and she said I love you like a brother

I mean, but you know what I'm in marriage for 52 years

Because I don't care what she said I fixed it

When I married her I wore shirts that was striped down this way my pants just striped that away

I didn't know I'm a country I'm a redneck country boy. I know how close we're together

She said I was a walk in the illusion optical illusion

But I but I kept going after her so you could tell me my wife and I are on the same page and I said well man up

You can win

We did most of us not all of you some of you your wife chased you but me I had to chase Betty

I had to chase Betty. I had to win Betty. I had to earn Betty

And you know what I still have to do that

So now here I am 71 years old

Then I miss something up here boy. Oh

I

I still have to I still have to chase her. I have to work

I mean no mean this in any way negative, but you know, I don't have all the drive I had

I'm 71 years old. I have lost a testicle to cancer. I've lost my adrenal glands. I've lost a kidney

So it ain't like I feel all that romantic

But I have to

Work it. It's my job. I'm the initiator

I'm the provider and so I would like to say to you in your family

If you have any thoughts of what she needs to change

Well, that's not how it works because Jesus never says we got to change

He just says except my gift. He never says if you'll change this I'll save you

That's not what he says

He says there's a free gift

Do I have a change? No, I sense a free gift

And he says now also I want you to love

Betty I kind of love you so you don't have any excuse

To blame it on Betty or your wife

We don't have an excuse when I be excuse to do that now

I was reading a couple more verses

and

When we love like Jesus he says in Colossians 3 13 for bearing one another

Forgiving one another if any man had a quarrel against it even as Christ forgave you so also do you

Now that's Colossians 3 13

Now let's say as first it says for bearing

Now that's an old King James word that we

We don't use so let me put it in Tennessee hillbilly putting up with

That's what for bearing means

You know as if you have a good if you have a good church

You're gonna have different cultural backgrounds different ethnic backgrounds you have young you have old you have everything's different

And if we were all exactly the same we probably couldn't get along either

But we won't be the same so we learn how to put up with each other

It's like you do that in your family you got that uncle that's a little weird

I mean the one that wants you to pull his finger and he's gonna pass gas you know what I'm talking about

We've all got that and we put up with each other because we're family you put up with it

She's always in a bad mood and thanks him and that's the way it is it don't worry about she'll be all right

We because we're putting up with because that's what you do when you love

Family well, we got put up with our wife

We got to put up you can say well, you know what I'm saying you're you're asking me to fix things here

I mean you won't need to be like Jesus, but she ain't nothing like Jesus

Well, Jesus didn't ask you to be like Jesus

To getting now you're gonna turn into being like Jesus

But it's not gonna be because you worked at it

It's gonna be because you relaxed in his love and slowly you became like him. Jesus doesn't save you

I'll save you, but there's 10 things you and if you don't do them

I'll kick your rear out of here

He doesn't do that to us. He doesn't do that to us. You know what happens slowly the fruit of the spirit just begins to come out of us

Because it's a natural thing that comes out of a Christian

So it's so it's a I will change you the forbearer and he said and forgive as Christ forgave you

The Hanwardy forgive. How's Christ forgiven me

His patience knows the wind I raised four children my wife and I raised four children

Older son is 50

My kids all get together they talk about which one's a good one and which ones are the bad ones

Of course, everyone I'm saying they are and the others are you know

And it's pasted mom and there she'll go well, but you know you realize you forgive and

My kids were perfect

They did a lot of juck wrong

You know what I ain't never walked away from I ain't gonna walk away from him and

I'm gonna forgive like cross and he gonna walk away from you. How did he forgive you

How did he forgive you? How did he love you?

How did he forgive you when you weren't even asking so tonight? We're all here going well. We loved Jesus

But you hadn't always been like that. So forgive as he has forgiven you

Enversed in Ephesians 432

When you're doing like Christ and your favorite forgiving like cross he said the kind one to another tenderhearted for giving it one another as Christ for

God for Christ sake have forgiven you. I like to just a couple of words for marriage

Kind. I don't think it's a word that we use as much as we ought to in marriage

Actually the word kind is a word that describes God

God is kind his gentle and kind to us when we don't deserve it

He is kind to us

It's his kindness and we're to be kind and and and Ephesians 432 somebody how ought to be you how to be kind to you

How to be generous to you how to be loving to you how to be helpful to you how to be kind

We all know what that means. How about we do that marriage?

Yeah, how about just thinking because here's what happens my mother used to say we're the obvious to the ones we love the most

Now that's a bad thing to say, but it's pretty true, isn't it? Yeah, you'd never treat the pastor's wife like you treat your wife

Come on

You'd be kind to the other fellow's wife at church

You'd open no door you'd give up the seat you'd be kind kind but not to your wife now

I don't even know anything about anybody here, but that's a bottle version. Yeah, be kind

Be kind and then you said this is ridiculous. It's in the Bible. So you can't say you think about it

He said be tender-hearted

Yeah

You know what I mean I mean the woman runs and rescues and the husband's like maybe I

Throw some slow some iodine on it. He'd be all right. Throw some her cure. Come on. He'd be all right

But the wife

She's tender-hearted, but he's selling us to be tender-hearted with each other

We ought to be tender-hearted with our wife

Which is compassionate?

Which is feeling

Now I'm not trying to be ugly. I'm not trying to preach strong

I'm just trying to tell you sometimes you see the way a man treats his wife another man treats his wife and you're like

Hey, right

But if you look at Amira may look a lot like you

Because it's easy. I get to easily see your faults. I mean they're glaring buddy

They're just right out here where I can see him

Come on. Are you with me? I won't say mind you good

And I'm not sure how some of us are we're built we're built different

I grew up in the masculine man home

My daddy was an animal. I mean when I was like three or four years old. He cut a

He's chopping a limb with an axe. He splits his right foot and it's literally parted open

He walks back to the house filling up his boots with blood

Tells my mother who we've got to go to the hospital. I've cut myself

He drives she says let me drive because you won't pass out because blood is flying out

He said shut up and getting your seat

He drove her when he got to the doctor said we're going to put you under and fix that foot

He said I don't want you put me under normally I got like to watch

The guy's an animal. I mean he just

But you know what you know what being so tough made, you know, he wasn't very tender-hearted. I mean, I grew up. He never told me he loved me

He loved me. I didn't know that it took me years to figure out he loved me. I really thought he didn't love me

You're talking about my dad not all the tough part the party never told me that

But I never doubted it for a second. Well you idea

I thought my dad didn't love me. I'd come in I'd come in and I'd make a hundred and he would even almost be mad at me

He said why don't you make a hundred all the time

And I come in with a ninety nine. He said what were you blowing it for you get a hundred

I could never do anything. He just wasn't tender

He's getting old. He's probably my age. We're rather than I go into a day where he's from

And my daddy's in the he's in heaven now

And I've now learned how

My youthful I didn't understand my dad. He's he had his way of loving

Which wasn't my way of loving but

We ran on the road and he said son. I had I don't know if you I've told you that I love you

I mean, I was sitting over in the passenger seat and he was

He drove getting old and it was so what and he says I love you

I literally thought who it took over my daddy's body and he says he teared up and started to cry. He said I hope you know it

And he said son, you can never tell you why I said this

He's because I'm crying and mandal cry

It don't ever tell you but I told you I love you because that's not manly

Now you and I'll go that way how that's him old timers

But are you like it with your wife?

I hope not

You know, it ought to be it ought to be a consistent tenderhearted

Watcher watcher was sitting down. What does she need getting up what does she need

What kind words does she need what what

Tenderhearted. That's that's just the the Bible one and and forgiven as Christ has forgiving you and remove

All the doubt about remove all the doubt

About you don't remember what she did wrong

Now

Biblically

I've had people to have a lot of can't forget it

But biblically

God doesn't want you to forget it. He knows you can't forget it. He doesn't forget it

What he does is he chooses what to remember. He chooses what to remember

In fact, it's a beautiful thing. I've been studying and working on lately is the Lord's Supper

You know where to do this and remember it's and actually the Bible way of explaining that is remember means you stop

You go back and you get it you bring it into the present and you act this out

So that you're living the past now

That's what remembering is

But what we tend to do and and that's beautiful by the way

Because he died for us and when we take it or something we need to take it more seriously

It needs to be

I'm reliving it old testament people were really Jewish people. They're pretty crazy about it. You know

They used to live in booths

Tents for like five days

Why because they did when they were in the wilderness and and what God said

I don't want you to forget what it was like so set up a booth and live in a booth for a week

Duh and and relive it

But here's what we do we relive the hurt

We and a devil plays this game with your heart. That's why you're not on

Same page the devil plays this game where he says you remember when she

You remember and then he says relive it and we sit here and we relive it and we play it again

And here's the sad thing every time we relive it we add to the story

And we make the story worse and by the time it's over she's a wicked witch of the witch

But that's not what he wants he won't you to not remember the offense

And remember the sacrifice uh and and uh you know Betty and I've been paid a long time

I can remember a lot of things that she gonna done differently

But I could tell you this if I choose to remember the right thing

We're romantically loving each other

And kind each other because I choose to remember the right thing

Paul said forgetting those things that you're behind

And pressing forward

So I ask you to remove the transgressions as far as the east is from the west

Uh, okay

How long do I want to

What do you hear you're as long as you okay? I made a if you want to match them what okay?

I'll try to match them. How about this one now you're not going to believe this verse

But it's all Bible second Corinthians chapter 5 verse 19 and I'm going to read it to you

So that's that crazy chapter 5 verse 19 you uh

You're finding make sure I got it right here to wit

Uh

That God was in Christ reconciling the world the world as a lost world under himself

Not imputing the trespasses under them and have committed unto us the word of reconciliation

You know what God did God took all of the sins of the world off the table

And now when he looks at a lost guy

He looks in a Buddhist if he looks at a Hindu he said it's all taken care of

I on the cross I said

It's finished. It's finished taking care of

Because Timothy I believe just I have to make sure word by verse. He's the savior of the world

Especially those that believe he's earning the savior of everybody. I mean it's all bought

It's all paid for it's all done. They just need to receive the gift because he took the sin off the table

So when he looks at us

There's no sin

He took it all off the table you know

He understand he remembers nothing negative about you

Philippians

Psalm chapter three I'm gonna say verse three you can look this up later the Bible calls it the lifter of my head

He's the lifter of my head in Psalm 23

He anoints my head with all it's the same truth

When you see in and you as it flip is it Psalm 33 would you read it

But that will Lord art a shield for me my glory and the lifter of my head

So when you failed and fill the Psalm 33 David has

His absolute his son is about to kill him

Absin is slept with his 10 wives

Absolutely and the army are coming to kill David

He's been culture counsel cultured nobody loves him everybody hates him

He's he's not the die. He's ashamed. It was an honor shame

Culture that they lived in and so what do you do when you're shamed and what do you do when you stand

That's right

He comes and he reaches under your chin. He pulls up look at me eyeball eyeball

Cheek cheek face to face

So all taking care of it's finished. I paid it all you say well

What about what about when I committed adultery he goes

I took care of it

I'm the lifter of your head. I'm the anointing of your head now so what what I need my wife needs desperately

To have somebody lift her head in our marriage now the Lord's already lifted all of our heads

We I didn't understand be honest. I haven't understood that so recently. I'm an old man

I'm finding new stuff every day. It's like the this book is like

Okay, how much you studied it is like

I studied a little more. I'm like that. It's not been in there. My grandma used to say my old grandma

I'm in Tennessee

Country she said

We read that bottle through every year and she said that he keeps adding new stuff

It was my grandma because my grandmother they would read it through

But how much are we helping our wives need us they need to know

That we hold nothing against them

They need to hear it and what we're tend to each end to be is like well

You know, she's one that's been grappling. She's one's been one and she's one that's been barely aching

She's one that did she's one did that she's not she won any affection

She's not she's not she's not and if you think about it, Jesus could easily say that about all of us

But he didn't and steady says I paid all you did all your dad

You know everything you ever did wrong everything you're gonna do room

I took care of it all I've taken sin off the table. I have reconciled you to me now

Just accept the reconciliation now. Here's what God says

Tells me to love my wife like he loves me. I've walked into so many rooms

Feeling like I didn't belong and I wasn't good enough. It's always kind of a mind. I'm fat Tennessee country boy

Maybe I'm not good enough, you know, but when I start realizing whose son I am

Do you know who you are? Did you know that you guys are God's favorite?

You know this is off topic a little bit, but

In John 17 23

Jesus is praying to the father and he says

God helped him to know that you love them like you love me

He loves you the same way he loves Jesus

You know what I understand him loving Jesus that makes perfect say it's but I grew up with I don't

Surely he likes me that much

I don't read my Bible every day sometimes sometimes. I don't pray like I'm supposed to I don't share the gospel like I'm supposed to

He's probably disappointed in me

And I was reading you know when he when he when he

Uh

Jesus at the good rate of your baptized

God has like an emotional outburst and he splits heavens and he heals and said that's my boy

Yeah, he's my beloved

And I am well pleased and I didn't catch this till just the other day brother

He had yet to heal one person

He hadn't fed anybody yet raised and he did he had breached his sermons

He'd been a carpenter up go up and down

And father go that's my boy

And he said

Jesus says daddy tell him tell all him then

You love them like you love me and then you realize you loved yeah

And it's hard to love till you know you loved

But we're loved by our father and it doesn't really matter when anybody else says we're loved and always by the way

Uh, my see my wife cannot teach you what I'm talking about she ain't quit

So I got told us I can keep going but I just would like to bring your man

We've been going for 36 minutes

She's still and you're going to

She's a beautiful preacher ain't she

He isn't teasing

Do you realize can I can I show you all a couple of things?

I don't have the verse on this so I'm gonna throw it at you

You know when he gave the law and the Old Testament he never expected you'd keep the law right

He knew you couldn't keep the law

He wanted to use the law to send you to the sacrifice. That's right. The lamb and the Old Testament

Right

The law is a lot like the

Like I look I think right now. I look pretty healthy. You're probably looking at me as the next guy says he's got cancer

I've had people tell me I'll leave you got cancer. I said well, I wish my scans agreed with you

Uh, and so I go in to the law office

Of see of a see in our MRI and cats can I go in about every three months they get they know me now. I've been going for years

How you doing

Look like you lost a little weight since the last time well. Thank you very much. Are you doing good?

I'm doing good

Then they say climb in there and they it goes on for 45 minutes to an hour

They just making all this racket and I leave there and then I get to me with a doctor and the doctor says

You measure up to the law

And that's what the law was for so in the Old Testament when he built the ark you don't pay attention to this

I can show you the verse later. He built the ark and he put the law in the ark and above the ark

He built the mercy seat the mercy seat and above the mercy seat you put two angels looking at the mercy seat

And then he said when I talk to you I talked to you from the mercy seat

Did that not do anything for y'all he that talked to me from the law book because you know what it

It's not that encourage you when I knocked out that you said you got cancer buddy. You don't measure up

I need what I need to hear

I need to hear

We're gonna catch you. We're gonna

Radiate you. We're going to whatever we gotta do. We're gonna get rid of this cancer

And that's what the law does

Law says to go see the doctor who can help you

There's an old preacher named Lester Rolloff years and years ago

Lester Rolloff said the law opens it up on the table

Looks in goes. Oh, boy. He's a goner sewing back up. It's any mommy's dead

When he steps out in the office grace tag team and says let me in there and grace comes in and opens you back up and heals you

So how are we gonna handle our marriage

You are God's touchpoint to the world right here everywhere you go

He's living in you and I think one of the most powerful truths in my mind is this. I'm crucified of a cross

Never lose I live yet. Not I listen. Yes, but cross lives in me Christ lives in me

And the life which I now live in the flesh. I live by the faith of the son of God

It says I'm dead, but I'm not dead because Christ is living in me

so

literally

And don't take this as psych as sacrilegious really

But I'm his hands and his voice and his eyes and his arms to hug people

Because he lives in me

He lives all of us and every one of us

You are walking houses of Jesus

I'm gonna you know that you're the temple of the Holy Ghost he lives in you

So marriages are place

To show the world how God loves people and the church and my dad grew up rough and tough and I didn't know he loved me

but he did

But I want to decide this before I die

I think about this all time when when you know you're dying when they tell you a year ago

I was pretty sure I was going to be that in my month then I started some new medicines and I'm doing much better

But I think to myself I think I'll remember me as a loving gentle

tender hearted

kind

daddy

With that grumpy old man, you know, you know, I'm talking about come on let's be honest. I'm an old man now. I'll say it

I don't want to be that guy

I want how's Betty gonna remember me

She wants to say boy he was

Forgiving patient tender

How my green kids go remember many

How they go remember because I'm in in my life in my line of work or who I am right now with the cancer

I could have a couple three years to go because I seem to be in this weird arrest stage, but you know you don't you might die for I do

So let's work on being who we're supposed to be so I can set up here

I'll answer questions. I'll talk to you, but you won't talk about

But I want to say to you husbands love your wives like Christ loves the church don't make excuses

He doesn't make excuses. He chased us into bars

He chased us in the warehouses. He chased us into pride and anger

He did he chased and he got us. He found us wherever we were and by the way not one of those senses

He works in the other one and he came and he got us and he loved us and he turns and he says

Love her like that

Let me have word to pray with you if you want to we want to ask questions to the fatter closer down

You know, I have no idea what Betty's going to do. I would say as long as they're in there talking

If y'all have any questions

The other thing you'd like to ask him and you don't mind if I say this no

Well, there's nobody with us tomorrow, but if you have anything you'd like to ask him

Even if you don't have to do with the marriage thing

I think you're sure you'll be happy with

You think you won't talk about

Except I'm not really good about sports all a lot

Pastor does I'll say I'll ask

Because this is kind of where I'm at

But as far as raising raising kids in the ministry

um

And I'm asking this

knowing

Hearing you hearing you teach on it before

And as I told you already like I almost almost live by your notes, you know sometimes in certain situations

Uh of being in class under you and stuff, but uh

A new perspective, you know, that maybe the things that you've said you've looked back on now

um

Raising kids in the ministry

How do you tater in that not because you got four kids serving a minister and how do you keep them from being

resentful or even uh just burn out?

I think when we raised our kids and then we just say you know your number one responsibility is not the church

It's God

And that number two is your wife and number three is your children's grandchildren and four is the work the church

Now I think if they're all lined up it'll all be kind of mixed up, you know

Here's what I would say that to every one of us

This is this had the I'm gonna give you three little statements here. This is really

Driven my life lately

When you read the Bible when you think about anything think these three truths and they're all Bible you can't deny

God is love

So anytime you read the Bible anything is going on in the Bible you either don't understand it or you find the love

As God is love. He's not sometimes love. He is love the Bible says flat out

God is love. That means love is God

And so I look at everything through God is love like I got cancer

I don't think God wants me to have cancer. I know what you'd say you'd say well God gave it to you

No, I don't think that I'll leave in a damned world a sinful world that's cursed. Yeah

And God says I'm gonna help you out through that mess

I never wanted this y'all walked out the garden. I didn't walk out y'all did and so God's not

Mad at me or you and all the junk is going on. That's like God. He's love number two. He is good

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good

Blessed as a man that trusted them thee. So I know he's good and he's love

And number three every time you want to know what God thinks looks like or acts like

Look at Jesus

Jesus told Philip

John 14 is if you say me you've seen the Father

And and Philip said I didn't want to see the Father. He said how can you be with me so long

And not forget it out because we tend to think of God as

Little bit angry resentful judge. We don't think of him as daddy

God. God throw something beautiful. It has to do with being it has to do with the question in the old testament

There's only like three to five times that God is anywhere

Remotely called Father

He's called sovereign

He called God. He's called Almighty

But he's not Father and Jesus comes to the ground here comes earth becomes one of us

Let me teach you how to pray and he says something that made Jews pass out

He said pray this our Father

Our Father

Which are in heaven our Father all of a sudden now Jesus has said calling Father

And you go just a little bit further and then he's given us a spirit of Abba Father

Which is daddy Father

And in a lot of ways I looked at God more like my when I stopped my dad was

I was wrong not him. My dad could have done better, but my dad was an orphan

It's six he raised he owned the street. He was he lived my daddy was

beaten to blood filled his shoes up my daddy was shipped from one family to another and when he finally

He got saved in his 25 but my mother was pregnant with me and that's when he found his life changed

So I didn't have a close relationship with my dad

So sometimes I think I transfer that over to God

I think that God's like my dad. Well, that's not true

I dad did the best he knew I do but God does right then the

Then Abba Father's 20 heart praise that

So I think you you want to move in as I would say to you love is the atmosphere we raise everything in

Love love them when they do wrong love them when they do right

Love them by spending time. I think I think pastors. I think pastors auto work 40 50 60 hours a week

Whatever what a regular man works around here 45 here, but I think the pastors

Make a mistake

Not to you. I'm not talking about any person in particular

But they sometimes they want to overwork to make it look like they're working because they don't want and then we leave our kids

And I did that a lot. I was always so busy

So I would tell you I think it all to you times when we

All of us will quite a few of your older. I don't exactly where you are, but you're not you're not 30 on day that I can look at you day that

And so I would say this

I would say this I would say

um

We know us older men know this your kids are at your house very brief time

Yeah, when when your kids are young it seems like forever

Well one day you wake up and they're all gone. You're like where where they go

And and and and I have to fuss at Betty quite regularly because she treats my 50 year old son like he's 15

And I tell her

I should say honey. I don't like what he's eaten. He's a diabetic and

And I look and I go he's a grown man

If he wants to kill himself get out of his way

And she said I'm his mama

And so I think love I think love is expressed in time and words and things that we do together and I think that

first is our wife I challenge every pastor

I think that the the thing that most tells your kid their loved is how you treat your wife. You know

One time years and years ago Betty had a massive fight a massive fight

We were in the basement. I was a skinny young preacher and didn't have any money

And I built a wall across my basement

But I didn't know what I was doing and we needed to move the deep freezer. I was

Was had her put a scream under the front end said kind of get up and I was pushing him

And she pulled it too fast and I slipped and I hit my chin going down and it nearly knocked me out

And so I'm on the floor. I mean, I am dying. I'm seeing stars and Betty's going you okay? You okay?

What's wrong? And I finally just shut up

Back away. I'll be all right

And she says you're an animal

Well, you're doing tell me shut up like I'm just trying to tell you. I love you. I said get out of your woman

And so she gets up and leaves and I slam the door like this for my hands and the whole wall fold in

That's how good I bet wall. I'll be up

And then Betty goes upstairs and my oldest son has gathered the other little ones

And they're on their knees praying that we don't get a divorce

Of course, you know, you know, we were all right about five more minutes after I quit hurting

And Betty's like oh, he's like that. Don't worry. I should daddy

But I would say you know get on the same page if you're not

Get on the same page

We were right in the road and I'd keep it one time my son Chris was 50

He said dad

Just me and him he said that I talk to you

Sure son whatever dog tell me

He said now you know my I said why do we're a lot?

I said she's my wife the married to her oh 30 years ago. I guess I don't know

He was well dead. Yeah, she's crazy. You know that

I said what before we go any further. Let me explain something to you. I love your mother

And whatever she said, I agree with her

And he goes well ain't no you're talking to you is it

But I think that's the strongest thing we can give our kids. I think we we're we're not careful

If we're not careful they feel the distance between us

And I think if I I don't mean this in any way ugly about men my age

But sometimes we can't do what we used to do

I mean, I'm missing a lot of body parts. I have to take medicine every day just to alive

And we're so it kind of makes us angry

And we're kind of upset that life's a little rough now and ain't like it used to be and

We're not and so we don't mean to be that way

But we can come across as being harsh and distant and it's a famous thing

I think y'all know this is true

But they talk about

Cranky old men all the time and I don't want to be that guy. I just do not want to be and one of my kids were at home

I you know, I had two boys and my boys were all man my daddy's jeans

Went through me and I refined them maybe a little bit learned to say I love you at least and my boys got it

And their mama was always trying to tell them what to do and when there's about 15

I told her I said stop telling them what to do. I said tell me and I'll tell them

She said they don't respect me. I said it's not that

They want to be man and men can act like drugs

And I told her I said I don't want my boys to leave

When I turned 17, I wanted it out. I don't want to be with my mother and daddy. I especially don't want to be with my mother

I could put up my daddy a lot better than my mother and my daddy was harsh

And I said then don't do that to my kids

Don't do that to my kids and she didn't and my kids are weird. I mean we are like

The best friends I have in the world are my kids

So I would just say I think that's a good question. I think all of us all the work at and making sure

I know this my death

Is fairly imminent and you know what the most important thing to me is my wife

I'm good with the word, but my wife and my kids

You think else you buy?

I asked that because I know I'm pastor, but

I

The ones in in here to have young kids

Um

It's not just for those who are like pastor or whatever

But

Being part of the church as that's for Asian kids and ministry

And uh, that's the reason I asked that is because sometimes you see

We talk about nowadays. We don't our

Younger generation as soon as they get get ready to get out of the house they're gone

They don't come back to the church. Yeah, that's true

And that the reason I asked that is because

How we live it outside of these walls

Is what's going to keep them here or drive them away

And so what we do away from here is going to keep them or drive them out

You know when I was uh, I

Told Betty we never talked negative about church members. I was pastor on my life

So I never talked bad about the church and I told church people don't talk bad about me come beat me up in the office

You want to

But don't spread it with your kids if you got a problem just fix it some other way

Because because the last thing you want to do

As a pastor of the last

pastor's kids

They're demons

Mystery kids are demons usually they try that well if you ever watch around

So I just decided I'd always talk positively about the church

Always talk positively about everything. It was going on and I challenge you to do that

And I would challenge you to make it fun and could I tell you don't be putting a bunch of rules on them like

You know, you got to do this. You got to do that

Let the Lord work it through with

Disappleship and Bible training and gentleness and slowness because kids are I don't mean there's some any disrespect for way

But most of y'all we're all just a bunch of grown-up kids and they're just little adults

I mean, it's it's amazing. You can look at a 15-year-old and

He's grown up. He still don't act it. They don't look it

But I'm just saying so we got to really spend time with him. That's a good point

Oh

Thanks for listening to

Followed by mercy with also garter if today's message spoke to your heart share it with someone who needs to know

God hasn't given up on them. Remember your pain is at the end of your story

In Jesus it can become praise. Thank you