The Sin of Silence: When Not to Rebuke – And When You Must [Day 131 - Orchos Tzaddikim | Flattery 5]

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You are listening to Rabbi Arya, will be of torch in Houston, Texas.

This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

Welcome back everybody.

Good evening.

Welcome to the Moser Masterclass, Moser Mondays.

We are in the gate of flattery.

This is part two, day number 131, page 741 and we are continuing flattery.

So we talked about six different components of flattery.

Today we're going to talk about the seventh, the hero, as Anshay Mekomo.

I'm Kshayar.

If someone who sees that the people of his place are of a stiff neck nature, the owner

believe on, he says in his own heart, because we mentioned previously that a person who

sees the wrongdoing of his community, of his neighbors, of his friends should reprimand

them.

Obviously, we spoke about the laws of reprimand, of Tochaha, that it must be done in a way

that will be accepted, in a way that will be beloved by those who are the recipients.

But if someone knows that they're not going to hear and listen to what he has to say,

because there are stiff necked people, the al-Qain, humonam al-Hukhikam.

And for that reason, he refuses to rebuke them, he abstains from rebuking them.

Gamze, khate, ve'avano yisa.

Just know that this is also a sin and you'll have to bear the weight of that sin.

You'll have to bear the weight of that sin because you didn't even attempt, you didn't even

try to warn them.

Ula, Yashuval, maybe they will listen.

If you gave it enough thought, if you gave it enough potential, perhaps they would have

listened.

We al-Zen-Enjuts, Sadiqim-Giboran, Bukhubanarishan, and this we see, even very, very completely

righteous people were punished during the destruction of the First Temple.

Avalim, Adavar, Goliwiyah, Dua-Lakol, Viniv Khan, Vinachhah, but if it's known to all,

and it's tested and confirmed that the sinners hate instruction, they hate guidance, they

don't want to hear it from anybody.

Kihachhote, sonem, mussevolo, Yishmalamokhikhav, we know that he hates all type of reproval,

he hates all type of reprimand, Al-Zenema, Al-Tochhach, Laits, Pen, Yisnaachah, do not

remove the marker, Lest he hate you.

And I say just, we learned this from King Salman, I say just teach us that it is critically

important to know who it is that you're talking to.

If you're talking to somebody who's not going to listen to you anyway, then why are you

bothering?

If you know that the person is going to hate you for it, then even worse, certainly

don't say anything, which by the way, I think is important for us as parents to know our

children.

Not everything that a parent sees, do they need to say.

You can see things and your child knows you saw it, and the child will grow more by

not hearing the reprimand than by hearing it.

I want to, there's so many examples I can give of my parents where I knew they caught

me red handed, and they never said a word.

They never said a word.

I was like, oh my gosh, to me, it felt like I had a bigger responsibility to correct my

way because if they would say something, okay, so now I'm not going to listen.

But they didn't say anything.

So now I better change what it is that I'm doing.

It really is.

It's an amazing, it's an amazing science of how we deal with our children.

But the truth is with any human being, every person is unique and every person is different,

and we never know what package they are coming with.

We're Umruq, he shames the Mids for Lomar Dauvarnishma, Kach Mids for Shlolo Lomar Dauvarnishma.

This is the tomorrow that we mentioned so many times from Yavamo, 65b, where the Talmud says,

just like there's a Mids for To tell somebody something that they will listen, there's a

Mids for To not say anything to the person who will not listen.

The Umruq moods of Shiyu Shogin, the Al Yuma is amazing to him.

It's better for people to sin unintentionally than to sin intentionally.

So that's another important point, is that a person shouldn't assume, oh, I can't say

anything, I'm not going to even try because they're not going to listen.

Do you know?

Maybe they will listen.

Maybe, in fact, the words that you say will inspire them and change them and guide them

in a whole new direction.

Okay.

Number seven.

Hashmini, Hashomem, Midabre, Lushan Hara, Onoval, someone who hears people speak, slander

or profanity.

Oh, Yosyev Besod Misakhakim, who boze Toro Mitzvahs, or he sits in the midst of scoffers

and shamers of Toro, and Mitzvahs, they laugh at the people who are observing the Toro,

they laugh at those who are learning Toro, they laugh at those who are observing the

Mitzvahs.

The Yodayah, Shaheim Kshayorif, and he knows that they're stiff-necked.

He knows that they're going to scorn at his reproof.

So Yikabut Oghachah, al-Khaneh, who sho-sake, Gamzeye, Onesh, Kihaya, Lo, Lannos, Lahem,

Shalo, Yomru, Ki, Hu, Kemosam.

It's important for a person not to stay quiet.

Say something, but say something smart.

Say something in a way that they will be able to hear.

Shuhu, Modul, Dvren, Ki, Vinshashosik, because sometimes when you remain silent, silence

is a form of agreement.

The Talmud says, we learn the Stikakahodah, silence is a form of agreement.

So if I look at someone doing something which is a terrible sin, and I don't say anything,

it's sort of like I'm giving a nod of approval to what they're doing.

Kiuhu, Khayev, Ligar, Bohem, Losses, Gidulal, Latora, Lahem, Mitzvahs, Likhaneh, Lichbod,

Lichbod, Hatsadik, Shih-Shia.

So you know, imagine you see someone doing something, we learned this, we mentioned this

last week when we pulled out the teachings of Ramchal.

Ramchal brings in chapter 19 of the Maseel Susharam in the ways of the upright.

He brings the way in which a person expresses his love for God.

And one of the ways in which one expresses the love for God is when you stand up for

God's honor.

When you stand up for God's honor, you see, if someone insults your friend, okay, my friend

can stand up for themselves, someone insults your neighbor, okay, my neighbor can stand

up for themselves.

But someone insults my mother, oh, now it's getting personal, right?

That's when people take off their gloves and they're ready to beat anyway.

You said, what about my mother?

It's an astonishing thing.

Why?

Because I identify myself through my mother.

So if my mother is a nobody, I'm a nobody.

If my father is a nobody, I'm a nobody.

So I stand up for them.

But what's my relationship with God?

If my relationship with God isn't that I stand up for God, maybe I don't have a relationship.

Because those that I do have a relationship with, I stand up for them.

So the Ramchal brings that the person's display of zealousness towards those who go against

God is a very, very important aspect of displaying one's love for Hashem.

He brings it raw over here in middle of, and there are many ways over there that chapter

is probably the most powerful chapter, chapter 19 in the, here, cleaving to Hashem

Deweykos, joy in serving Hashem, and then here, number three, page 395 in the Maceus

Yasharm of Arts, girl, he says, we hear the zealousness of defending Hashem's honor.

He says, yeah, all the mechanical, the shame, the shame, the shame, the, this demands that

a person be zealous for the sake of his holy name.

Zone, Esmisanov, Umystadal, Hakhni, Abema, Shiyukhal, hating Hashem's enemies and attempting

to subdue them however he can.

So that his service be carried out and his honor increased.

And he goes further over here to discuss different ways in which one can impress his love for

Hashem through zealousness.

And I think it's a very, very powerful idea that we don't want to just be sitting idly

by on the side when Hashem's honor is being decimated.

Okay.

Vizeeachad min adwaram shaba'avwuramchayavadamlaazov chhevrasarasharm, and this is one of the

reasons that a person, you have great friends, but sometimes they start talking negatively,

especially if they mock those who are doing good, the will of God.

That's one of the reasons to leave friendships.

Not many reasons, but that's one of them.

Someone who mocks those why because then you'll always be in an environment of someone

who is disregarding your growth.

Someone who's going to mock your growth and that's not a great place to be in.

Quhunanashkisha shomaya devrayam aroyam tamid vyehu anu yohal anosam.

Now over here, this person hears them doing, saying, acting in a way that's inappropriate

and he feels like he can't answer them, he can't say anything.

What's going to be ultimately the result?

He's going to start acting the way they act.

And you'll be punished, obviously, for that vidr dhava razem iforash vidivr shlamam

ala wa shlamam.

This King Salman teaches us al-takane banshe raw wal-tisav lihyos itam ki shod

yaheg elibam va amal sifsahem didaberna.

Do not be envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them for their heart-study destruction

and their lips talk wrong.

Rats al-amal, what does he mean to say here King Salman?

Shatisah khatasam ki tishma devrayam aroyam tamid vyeh tiya kemakhresh.

This is, you will bear their sin when constantly hearing their evil words and remaining

silent.

So, if a person, why, eventually it has an impact.

Eventually we are influenced by the negative environment that we surround ourselves.

Number nine at chi'i, hameqa be desurasham mach mach mach mach mach mach shalom, one who

honors the wicked by way of courtesy.

Omnum loyudab er tov ala rushi is not going to speak well of the wicked person.

Loyudu snaiq bikavod el derach chi'i'i'ach shalom, nai'adam, shalom, nai'ch badbaina.

But he doesn't give him honor where others will be led to believe that he will actually respect

them.

Kiloyech al-ekavod, he's not going to distribute honor towards them to them.

Elakad derach bani'adam, mach mach ma'ashir, miderach, silsul, wit ule tikfas, toles,

baavur ki solchah darakam.

Or he will apportion his honor only in the manner that people honor the wealthy by way

of buttering up and expectation of gain because their ways have prospered and not because

of their intrinsic worth.

So it's like a give honor, honor like anybody else gives honor.

I'm not going to show them the lo-mi-pne-chin-erqam.

But here too lies sin and wrongdoing for though it is permitted to honor the wealthy, it

is not so with the wicked.

Ve-af-bezaiyeh shiqeet fa-ashmorkiim hutul al-akhabida-ashir, lo-khayna-reshayim, a person

can never be neutral when it comes to dealing with a wicked person.

The best solution is to not be near them, at all.

But if a person is, a person can't even be cordial, being cordial means you're being

approving of it.

I'll give you an example.

If you had the opportunity to meet someone who is, you know, let's say Hugo Chavez and

everyone agree that he wasn't exactly the icon of civilization, right?

So definitely not of righteousness.

So imagine you meet the person.

What do you say?

You compliment the person, you tell him he's nice?

No.

Because it's evil.

You don't give, you don't validate such a person by just staying silent.

Kila hutul al-akhabida-ashir, al-amakhim asmora, the only way a person is allowed to

honor the wicked is on the grounds of fear.

Shayyari shayyaziklah, roshavyugumlah, hefsid-bizman shayyad, harishayim, taqifa.

The only way a person can can do that is if they fear that they will cause them injury

or loss at the time that they have the upper hand.

So you want to just keep it, it's like what people do in politics today.

I'm not saying that anybody is righteous or evil in politics today in the United States.

But we all know that when one side is on top, they're going to take advantage of the other

side who's not on, who's on bottom.

And when one side, the other side that's on bottom gets on top, they're going to take

advantage of those who are going to be on bottom.

So you want to just keep a balance.

And that's why, he says, for that reason, you can.

So again, we're doing it only for when they're in power, we want to make sure that they

don't have the upper hand over us.

It was therefore permitted to honor them as people honor the powerful out of fear and

fright by standing, deferring and the like, but it was not permitted to praise them

or to speak well of them to others.

So you don't go around and say, he's the nicest guy in the world.

You don't say that about the ayatollah, the nicest guy in the world.

You don't say that.

Okay.

And as well, our sages of blessed memory said, it is permitted to flatter the wicked in

this world.

The ayatollah sharam shayin makhanif ala hem, however, there are some wicked people

whom we are not permitted to flatter at any time, minayin.

And we will learn this from from Mordechai, the story of Haman in the Mighilah.

Shia Amro, Hachaneif Lahaman, maybe you should kiss up flatter Haman so you will be

nicer to the Jewish people.

And what did he say, and he said, do not seek their peace or their good, and how you

honor him low, shana rabbi sa'in al-Mahaneif ala shayin, minayin darke shahin, below keep

a love, kidakhsi, alokham, below zami menu.

But they said, but our rabbis taught that it is permitted to flatter the wicked to keep

the peace, Mordechai refused.

We refused to accept it, and as it is written in the Book of Esther, and he did not stand

or stir for him, for Haman.

He did not budge.

This is something which is so incredibly important for us to understand and to internalize.

There are certain we have to know who we are dealing with, we have to be wise about it.

We can't be blind, we have to know what world we are living in, and we have to know what

the status that we carry is also something that we need to be cognizant of.

What do I mean by that?

Who is Mordechai?

Mordechai was the leader of the Jewish people in that generation.

He was the leader of the Jewish people.

For him to do certain things would be different than someone else doing it, because he represents

the entire Jewish people.

You remember, I may have told you this story recently.

I remember saying it.

I don't remember if I said it here in one of the classes, but Reb Khaym Ozer, who was

a very, very prominent rabbi who lived in Europe, prior to the Holocaust, he was presiding

over a case that came to him, a dispute of two different print houses, and each one

was fighting who had the right to print the Talmud.

He listened to both sides, and one of them was a widow and her children who were orphans

from their father, and Reb Khaym Ozer gave the ruling that they had the right to print

the Talmud.

The other print house got very upset that they lost the case, and they started saying about

Reb Khaym Ozer about the leader of the Jewish people in that generation that, oh, he wasn't

being fear and he wasn't being honest and he wasn't this and he wasn't that.

They were putting out words of slander and inappropriate talk about the leader of the

generation.

They finally got to their senses, and they're like, what are the world?

What were we saying about the leader of the Jewish people, of the generation?

They went back and they asked for forgiveness, and he said, me as an individual, I would

forgive you, but I represent the Jewish people.

And as a representative of the Jewish people, as the leader of the Jewish people, I can't

forgive on their honor, because I represent them.

Meaning a person needs to know what their status is.

It wasn't an arrogant thing.

It was a realistic thing.

A person needs to know who they are.

Some people, you know, when they are in a play, I'll give you the Talmud says, that

a king who foregoes his honor is honors not forgiven.

A king or foregoes his honor, his honor is not forgiven.

What does that mean?

He says, no, no, no, you can go first.

No, no, no, that doesn't.

You represent the people.

You have a whole kingdom.

You represent everybody.

It's not your honor.

It's the honor of all of your people, all of your constituents.

And that's something a person needs to remember and stand up for.

Particularly, Mordechai did that, because he knew who his people were in his generation.

And he knew that chiming up to Haman would be a complete breakdown of that generation.

He needed to be strong.

He needed to elevate his community so that they know they can stand up against the forces

of Haman and the, you know, the evil spirit that was going around during that time of

the miracle of the Maghalla.

Alright, so my dear friends, this concludes day number 131.

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I appreciate your question.

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