The Stooges Learn To Drive

0:00This is called Inos Quality when he sees it. Let's go. Welcome to Senior Studios helping old geezers navigate retirement. I'm Mike. I'm Phil. And I am the guy that's got the clean colon. Whoa. Is that my colonoscopy yesterday, boys? I don't know. I'm wondering you're in a good mood today. I am in a good mood because I could have went self in a long and a quick way. It was a self.

1:00It was a self on ramp. As one of my golf partners said, make sure he takes plenty of pictures and I let that. I ain't got to happen. So totally clips in the moon. I don't know. The doctor's getting tired of seeing me, but he said, we'll see you in five years. So I'm good to go. I cleaned out to a very prep stuff is. At prep stuff is just terrible. Oh, my God. That's the worst part of it. Your eyeballs look really white. Yeah. They're clean. Everything's clean. Everything's clean except my unshaven face. Yeah, you look like a brand. We can't say brands full of S anymore. Not today or so. No, I'll tell you what, I give you a toy that will work out the last couple days. So we've heard a choking. Our water bill is going to be astronomical. Yeah, they're requiring the sewer. I wore a path from the couch to the carpet from down the carpet and into the toilet.

2:04So yeah, but I feel pretty good. All right. Well, you look the same. Unfortunately. Yes. Yeah. Well, your breath is still the same. I got to start somewhere. Okay. Well, we're off to a good start. Today we're talking about our first cars or the cars we learned to drive on and car stories. And it was a great era. The 70s, right? So once the start, who runs back then? Yeah. All right, Phil. You gear heads with no items. I don't remember that. That's right. What do you? All right. Mike, you start because you're the you're the biggest gear hit of all. Yeah. Of all three of us. Let's put it that way. Yeah. Well, the gears aren't moving too quick today. So all right. I think I learned to drive on my father's 1973 Ford Galaxy.

3:06It was a tank. It was a tank. It was a tank. So I learned to drive and I passed both my tests the first time. But I remember two weeks into my ability to drive on my own. My dad allowed me to take the car. So I went like three blocks to a friend of mine's house. And he had a side drive. And the side drive was very close to his to the property line. So the house was really, really, really close like right up against the driveway. So I got in fine. But as I was backing out, and this was a big land and stone house, as I was backing out, I didn't navigate it quite right. And I scraped the chrome right off of my dad's bumper on the side of the house. I hit the side of the house two weeks into it. And man, I'll tell you, I must I was afraid to go home. I think I almost ran out of gas driving around the neighborhood before I had the courage

4:10to go home. But I remember that that I needed to do a better job. Did you tell Tony Ernie find out on his own? No, I told him and there were a bunch of scratches on the side of the bumper. And he was like, yeah, that's okay. But that car, he, well, what happened that car like two weeks after he bought it, he took it back for service. And the car jockey or whoever was driving it took a test drive and they wrecked it. So it was two weeks into the car. It was wrecked. And I remember we had this loner car, a Ford Torino like Starsky and Hutch forever, forever because they, they took so long to fix it because it was really teaboned. And we finally got it back and it was never right, never. The paint was not correct. And you know, knowing what we know now, you know, they, my dad should have said, I don't want this car. I'll give me another one, but he took it and it never was right. So that, that scratch on the bumper was the second problem that car had.

5:14So there is, there's my story. So that's my driving. That's the best you got. You got another car that you drove. Okay. Okay. Okay. You know, thanks for coming folks. That's it for this week. Okay. So you know, it gets better. Yeah. That's true. So that's the car that we've got. And we've got underwear. So, you know, I know that that's just a tip of the iceberg. All right. I'll tell you my first car and then we're moving on. So my first car, I, I was going to buy it from a fellow classmate at school and it was a 1966 Chevy Super Sport. And he was going to sell it to me for 500 bucks because of the front end was bashed in. And my dad and I had this great idea that we were going to fix it. You know, go to the junkyard and he had a buddy that was in the auto body business and we were going to buy it for 500 bucks. So the week before I was to pick it up, this kid gets in an accident with it in the back quarter panel and the other side is smashed up.

6:15So I'm like, I still want the car. And I mean, it was, it had mags and it was all fixed up, but it was bashed in the front in the back. It did. 250 bucks. Wow. Wow. So anyway, the long story is we did put a new front end on it. That was my first and last time trying to do body work and it ran for a while and then it just died in the yard and we sold it for scrap. So that was my first car. But I remember it had air shocks, remember air shocks? And I'd have, I'd have to fill them up at the gas station every week so the back end was jacked up. And then by the end of the week, all the air came out of the air shocks and I had to go back and fill it up to jack it up again. But yeah, it had mags and baby moons and all those things we remember. So there. 250 bucks was a pretty good, I mean was, was a lot of money. Yeah, for a 16 year old kid, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, who were as a bag boy part time.

7:18So there you go. It's a lot of bags, you, you bagged. Yes. All right. A lot of groceries. Yeah. I'll go. So the car that I learned to drive in was my aunt's Pontiac Grand Prix. Ooh, those were nice. Yeah. So my mom worked, my father had passed away and I was trying to learn how to drive and my aunt was a stay at home housewife and she'd take me out driving so I could practice and it was in her car. So when I went to take my driver's test, I had to use that car and I happened to pass. But back, back where Brian and I grew up, the driving test was pretty easy. I remember about. I only got, it only took me four times. So it was easy. Did it take you to cornfields or where? Just about. Yeah. Yeah.

8:18Yeah. You go to parallel park on Main Street and you had four spaces to get parallel. And you're like, yeah, there's hard to miss. That's true. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. You still went up on the sidewalk. But something that didn't have parking meters because I would have taken out a couple of those too. And then took the change when it fell out. I don't know. Why wouldn't you? So I'm sorry, Phil. My first car that I inherited from my father and it was an Osmobil Delta 98. So it was the big boy, bigger than a Delta 88, apparently. Yeah. And it had all the latest technology.

9:20It had automatic headlight dimmers. I think it had electric power windows, which was pretty rare back then. But it was an old used car. Some but he bought it used. And I drove it for about a week and the engine blocked cracked and then it was scrapped out of that. Yeah. Wow. That was it. That was it. There was a family friend that lived just up the street and he was in ill health and he said, oh, you can drive my car. Brimble. It was a AMC Gremlin. Yep. Green Gremlin. Yeah. The ugliest green with green vinyl interior and three on the tree. And I didn't know how to drive. Oh, three on the tree. I didn't know how to drive a clutch. So I taught myself. Oh, my God. At least it wasn't a back to me. A green Gremlin when that was sitting on the street. Yeah. Well, it wasn't a pacer.

10:21Remember that? Oh, really? It looks like a bubble. One of our high school classmates had a pacer. She got it for her 16th birthday. Look like a fish bowl. Oh, that was hideous. I mean, the Gremlin looked good. Do you know how cool? I got to remember that car. Three on the tree. Do you remember the, on the inside of the pacer, there were the plastic on the inside of the door. It kind of came up higher. Maybe it was like a little wing that came up, but they had to add that because the window was so big when you rolled it down, it couldn't roll down all the way. So they had to have a piece of plastic up so that he couldn't see the window. That was some good engineering back then. Yeah. Right out of Kenola shot, right? Or was it Jamesville? Those AMCs were made. I can't remember. I think it was Kenola shot. They had a plant in Milwaukee, too, down on Capitol Drive.

11:22I think my dad started his first career there before he became a meal man. Yeah. Yeah. I remember my doctor was there. My pediatrician. Oh, God. Yes. All right. So what? All right. Let's hear it. It's the next one. Where did you get your drive after that one? What was your first car? Yeah. My first car? Who? Me? Yeah. First car. Like you? You did not have the first one I bought. I didn't have a car all through college. Didn't need one. First car I got was a Renault alliance. Oh. I remember that. Yeah. Those were tin canum wheels. They were nasty. All right. Oh, all right. All right. I do have a story about it if you got a minute. Go ahead. We got plenty of time. I got to need to hear about my car. So how did you yield my time for you?

12:23Thank you. Yes. That's it. So we got in my car to go to lunch. There were three or four of us. And the owner of the company was sitting in the passenger seat. And we drove. And as we're driving, all of a sudden, the engine just stops. And we're coasting. And we pull over. He gets out, starts back up. We get in, drive away. Same thing. The engine dies. Took it to the auto shop. And they found a wire hanging down behind the floor mat. And when he stepped on the wire, it cut the engine. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. So. And gave him a shock. Really surprised he didn't both out of that seat. Like an ejector seat. Right on the window.

13:23OK, I'm done. All right. Well, the car I believe, and I can't remember totally. But the car that I remember was a 67-buyclose saber. And I don't know if I learned to drive on that one. But that was the one. You know, my dad was a salesman. And my mom was a stay-at-home mom. So when I got old enough to drive, I told it the rest of the kids around, either to school or wherever they had to go. So that's sort of the one that I had learned to drive on. Except I remember the time to this day that I almost took out one of those traffic. One of those traffic ladies, those crossing guards, I almost took one of her. Took her away. Yeah. We were coming back from, we were coming back from high school, I think, or school. And she was out in the middle directing traffic. And it was a four-way stop.

14:24Did not see her. Started to proceed through the intersection and scared to crap out of her. So after she got done emptying her pants out, I got a lecture from her. So yeah, that was one of the vivid ones. Why can't you see her? You don't have a cell phone. I get texting. Do they have those belts on that were colored? Like, what the hell? I'm sure she had the orange vest on. And maybe the stop sign wasn't big enough. I don't know. I might have been screwing around with the radio or something. But yeah, you weren't on your cell phone. No, I stopped right before her. But she let me have it. I remember that watch sheet. And rightfully so, I was in her wrong. But, you know, so that's one that I remember in that car. And then obviously the one that we took to the Wisconsin game and came home from the Wisconsin's game and got stuck by the cop and with the beer cans

15:25in the backseat jiggling in the back seat floor jiggling and my buddies trying to put them under the seat. Under the seat. Under he's pushing them under the seat. Yeah. And then the cop gets, you know, you talk about Luke Dumlock. Cop gets an emergency call and lets us go before he could even get the well back then. It was pretty lenient as far as the alcohol goes. But he just told us to go straight home. Which again, I was so scared that my parents were going to find out that I never brought it up again. So I may be getting an lecture from my mother. I'll tell you where it's just found out. Tony Roma wishes he had that cop. Yeah, really. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, but most of the cars that I had were all company cars. It was a nice perk that when back then, instead of car

16:27allowances, you got cars. And when I was with Hillshark, we drove nothing. But Oldsmobile or Oldsmobile and Buick. Buick and Oldsmobile cutless Supremes or Kelly, Kelly. We cutless Kelly. Yeah. Yeah. OK. All right. This is trivia time. Sorry to interrupt, Brian, but it's still about you. No, you had. What color was your first company car? Maroon. What? Shoot. Then what color was the second when I joined the company? Because I remember it vividly. Then I remember your third. I don't know. Was it black? It was brown. It was bronze. Prons. Oh, yeah. Bronze. And then you got, yeah, first one was Maroon. First one I want to be Maroon. Yeah. And again, I'm 19 years old when I started them. And I think I'm driving a free car. I can gas it up for free. And I'm like, God, I want a freaking lottery here. And I was making a hefty 12, 5 a year.

17:30Yeah. Back then. And I think that was 79. And your third color was cream, right? You had a cream one too. Yes, it was. I did. Yeah. Well, the Alzheimer's is taking a break today. Mike has a mind like a steel trap. Yeah. You should open it up one of these days. Sewer trap. So yeah, it was those were good days. Those were fun days back then. It was totally, obviously it was a lot different than it is this time right now. Yeah. So. All right, joke. I got a car joke. OK, that's good. Very appropriate. Keeping with the theme. It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said, oh, heavens, no, we bought it.

18:32He said, then why don't you drive it away? Each of the women said, we can't drive. The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked, then why did you buy it? They answered, we were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed. So we're just waiting. That might be your best, that might be your best one yet. I wish I could say I wrote it. Well, speaking of writing, you can email us at seniorstuages at myahoo.com. I segue. Yeah. Good one. All right, next week. Next week we're going to super prop. Yeah. We're going to talk about football season, which is right around the corner. And we're going to make our super bowl picks. So if you normally make picks, stay away from ours because we know nothing. Actually, that's nothing. We'll see.

19:32We'll look back and see what the heck our bowl picks are. That's right. We'll keep them. All right, you can say goodbye, Brian. All right. Well, thank you for listening this week. And as always, we really do appreciate it and have a good week. Adios.