The young girl was REMOVED from school for TORMENTING ANOTHER child to the

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I hope you enjoy this story. The young girl was removed from school for tormenting another child

to the point of almost causing harm to herself. She kept her father's extramarital relationship

a secret from me for two years and then revealed it when I began seeing someone new.

Accused me of replacing her. I, 49F, was married to my ex-husband, Derek, 49M, for 20 years before

divorcing a few months ago. We have two kids, a daughter, 22F, and a son, 17M.

I found out Derek was having a two-year affair and my world was shattered.

But what hurt almost as much was discovering that my daughter had known about it the whole time.

She actively hid it from me for two years, lied, covered for him, and never once tried to warn me.

When I found out I was devastated, not just by my husband's betrayal, but by my daughter's choice to

keep it from me. She was young at the time, and I understand it was a difficult position for her,

but the pain was immense. I never confronted her directly, thinking it might affect her as she was

about to go off to college. I just told her I knew that I understood and tried to move on.

But after she left, I found myself distancing myself from her more and more.

It wasn't planned, I just needed space to heal, and that meant not calling her as often or

reaching out as much. Fast forward a year and a half, and I've started dating someone, 41M,

who has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Recently, we all went to Disney

together, and he posted a family photo of us on social media. For context, my boyfriend covered

all the expenses as a gift for his daughter's birthday, wanting to make it special for her.

Along with my son and me, she chose her two cousins to come along, making it a big family-style

trip that was all about her. My daughter must have seen it because she didn't call me for over a

month afterward, and honestly, I wasn't as affected by her absence as I would have been before.

I still love her, but every interaction brings up that pain. Out of nowhere, she called me in tears.

She was screaming, saying I obviously hadn't forgiven her and that I'd shed her out on purpose.

She accused me of replacing her with my boyfriend and his daughter.

She kept saying, it was a long time ago, I was a kid, I didn't mean to hurt you. She said she

thought she was doing the right thing by staying quiet, that she didn't know how to tell me,

and that she was terrified of breaking our family apart. She asked me if I'd ever forgive her,

or if I'd moved on for good. I tried to tell her that I loved her and never wanted to replace her,

but she just kept pushing that I should get over it by now and that I'd abandon her for this new

life. To top it off, my ex-husband later called me, furious, accusing me of leaving my daughter

for a younger man and a new family. He even had the nerve to call me selfish for moving on.

Ironically, his girlfriend is 30, and he's the one who blew up our family with his affair.

It's like no one understands that I'm still trying to recover from years of betrayal,

and it feels like I'm expected to just let it go, as if my pain doesn't matter.

My son, who lives with me, found out about his sister hiding the affair after overhearing

my husband's mom and sister talking. He was crushed and hasn't forgiven her either,

and they've barely spoken since. I never wanted him to know, but it feels like the entire

family is divided now, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm in therapy, but I still feel lost.

Part of me knows she was young and didn't know how to handle it, but another part of me feels like

she chose him over me. I love my daughter, but every time we talk, that hurt resurfaces.

I don't know if I'm failing as a mother or if I'm protecting myself.

I feel like I've emotionally checked out, and I don't know how to reconnect.

Edit, just to clarify, my divorce actually happened a few months ago,

not three years ago as I originally mentioned. My sister, who is a bit of a scatterbrain,

encouraged me to post here and typed out much of it for me.

In the process, she got the timeline wrong, and I didn't catch it before posting.

My daughter was 17 when she found out about the affair.

She had a lot going on at the time, including having to change schools due to some personal

issues and repeating a year. So, when I found out, it was less than two years ago.

I hope this clears up the confusion. Update 1, first, I want to thank everyone who responded

to my post. I was honestly overwhelmed by the sheer number of replies.

I tried my best to read through as many as I could, and some of the advice was hard to hear,

but necessary. It's been a lot to take in, but one comment really stayed with me.

Someone mentioned how fragile life is and how little time we really have with the people we love.

That struck me deeply. I've been so consumed by pain and anger that I forgot to think about

what I'd want my relationship with my daughter to look like in the long run.

If something were to happen tomorrow, would I be okay with leaving things as they are?

That thought stayed with me, and within a few days, I decided to contact my daughter.

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I told her I wanted us to talk, not to rehash the past or point fingers,

but to figure out how we could move forward. She was hesitant at first, which I completely

understand. We had the conversation a few nights ago, and while it wasn't easy,

I'm grateful she was willing to open up. There were tense moments, and I won't lie,

it was hard to hear some of what she said. But for the first time in a long while,

I felt like we were finally addressing what had been festering between us.

We talked about what had happened, and I finally asked her for the truth about everything.

When I first discovered her father's affair, he told me that she had always known about it.

In fact, he claimed she had been his ally, hiding things from me multiple times.

He even said that she disliked me and was on his side, hearing that from him was devastating.

I couldn't believe my daughter would do something like that or feel that way about me.

The way I found out about the affair was awful, and the idea that my daughter had played

any part in it, even unknowingly, made it so much worse. At first, she was very reluctant to talk

about it. But eventually, she opened up and started sharing everything, including what led up

to her actions. A few months before discovering the affair, she had been involved in a difficult

situation at her high school. Without going into specifics, it was a matter where her actions

led to serious consequences. The school had a zero tolerance policy, and as a result,

she was expelled. She had to transfer to a new school and repeat the year.

On top of that, her grades took a hit, and she was finding it challenging to get back on track.

When it happened, I felt it was important for her to face the full weight of her actions and

take responsibility for what she had done. I grounded her and took away her electronics,

hoping the consequences would help her reflect and grow. I wanted her to understand the gravity of

the situation and emerge from it as a better person. Her father, however, completely disagreed

with my approach. He felt I was being too harsh, insisting that she had already learned her

lesson and needed support rather than punishment. The tension in our household became unbearable.

Between my frustration with him and my disappointment in her actions, I found it harder and harder

to communicate properly with her. There were constant fights, arguments that seemed to erupt over

everything and nothing at the same time. It wasn't just them. Therapy over the past year helped

me realize that I played a part two. My hurt and frustration often came out as anger,

and instead of addressing things calmly, I let my emotions take control. I was constantly angry

and frustrated, and my mood probably created an even more tense and uncomfortable environment for

everyone. So, when she found out about his affair shortly after, she was angry at me and still

reeling from everything that had happened. She admitted that part of her decision to stay quiet

was fueled by a desire to get back at me. She felt like keeping the secret was her way of taking

revenge, though she now realizes how wrong that was. She also told me she had tried to get her

father to come clean, but he discouraged her from doing so, telling her that I had already been

disappointed enough by her situation and that she shouldn't make things worse. Feeling trapped,

she lied and kept lying, hoping it would somehow blow over without me finding out. Hearing this from

her was heartbreaking. It didn't justify what she did, but it helped me understand her perspective.

Knowing her father pressured her to keep his secret makes my anger toward him even stronger.

He broke everything with his affair and then used our daughter to cover for him,

making her feel trapped and responsible for his lies. I hate what he put her through.

To be honest, our marriage was already going through a rough patch at the time,

and we likely would have ended up divorcing anyway. However, it's one thing to fail as a husband,

but to fail so completely as a parent is unforgivable. They always had a good relationship,

and I never wanted to ruin that for her, even when I was angry. But seeing how he used her in his

lies is only deepened my resentment. I told her that I'd been hurt, not just by her actions,

but by how deeply they shook my trust in her. At the same time, I reminded her that I love her,

and I always will. I said that while I can't change the past, I want to rebuild our relationship.

We agreed to take things one step at a time. I suggested we try online therapy together,

and while she was hesitant at first, she agreed. She's already been seeing a therapist on her own

and wasn't sure about opening up in a joint session, but I think she ultimately realized how much

I want to make this work. I also brought up her brother. They've never had the closest

relationship, he's always been more of a reserved, independent person, while she's more outgoing

and emotional. There's been tension between them in the past, and ever since he overheard what

happened with her hiding the affair, they've barely spoken. I've tried to talk to him about maybe

giving her another chance, even when I wasn't on the best of terms with her. I really want them to

have a good relationship, but I also don't want to push him too much. He's his own person,

and I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to force him into something he isn't ready for or

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He's allowed to make his own decisions, and if they need time apart to heal, I'll respect that.

Someone mentioned the unrealistic standards we often hold women to, and I've been thinking a lot

about that. I don't hold her to any impossible standard just because she's a woman. She is the

light of my life, but sometimes, I realize I've shared everything in such a negative way because

of how it all played out. I'm just trying to make sense of it all. I don't know exactly where I

stand or what I'm feeling at times. I'm just moving through life like anyone else, doing the best

I can. Thank you all again for your advice and for giving me the push I needed to start this

conversation. It's not easy, but I'm hopeful we'll get through this one step at a time.

Additional information from OOP on her response to a commenter regarding the said incident involving

her daughter. OOP, of course, I haven't come to terms with it. You want to give me a recap?

Let me give you a fucking recap. My daughter participated in an inexcusable situation,

a situation that pushed another girl so far that she almost did something irreversible.

Almost destroyed herself. The other girl's parents filed a complaint against the school,

and my daughter admitted she was to blame. Admitted it and still made excuses for herself.

So yes, I punished her. What the hell else was I supposed to do?

Sweep it under the rug? Pretend it didn't happen. My husband sided with her.

Said she'd been through enough. She'd been expelled, as if that was enough.

She threw tantrums, acted like a victim, and kept saying she'd learned her lesson.

I did everything a parent is supposed to do. I tried to be the best possible mother I could in

that situation. Then I found out my husband was cheating on me. Not just cheating, cheating in

the most gut-wrenching, humiliating way possible. And what did he say when I confronted him?

That my daughter had known all along. That she'd helped him keep his secret.

And on top of that, he told me she didn't even like me. You want to talk about poison?

That's poison. Hearing that from someone you love. Knowing your own child had cited against you

in something so vile. But even then, I didn't scream at her. I didn't lash out.

I distanced myself, yes, but only because I didn't want to cause more damage.

Was I supposed to act like everything was okay? Was I supposed to just hug her and pretend

none of this had happened? Everything was not okay. But I'm trying now. I'm trying my level best

to fix this situation. My son doesn't want me to. He thinks she's toxic and tells me to stay

away from her. But I told him no. She's my daughter, and I'm going to try.

And yet here you all are, passing your random judgments. Like I haven't been breaking my back

trying to hold this family together. I didn't ask for your judgment. I was giving an update.

But fine. Screw you. Update two, I don't even know how to start. My relationship with my

daughter has always been difficult, but everything truly shattered when I found out she had hidden

her father's affair from me. She knew what he was doing, and she didn't tell me. When the truth

came out, not just about his betrayal, but about her secrecy, it broke something inside me that I

haven't been able to repair. Even before the secrecy of her relationship with her father came to

light, we weren't in a good place. We had been constantly fighting. Years ago, there was an incident

at her school that changed everything. She had bullied another child in a way that I can only

describe as horrifying, so bad that it led to her removal from the school. I had been through

something similar in my childhood, but from the other side. I was the victim. What she did brought

back memories I thought I had buried, horrible ones I still haven't fully dealt with. I might

have overcorrected in her punishment. Maybe I went too far. But I wanted her to understand what she

had done was not just wrong, it was extremely wrong. I took away her electronics because that was

the medium she had used to fuel the bullying. Everything she did online was monitored. She could

only use electronics for homework, and even that was supervised. I made her volunteer a places where

she could see the impact of her actions. I even put her in therapy. I did everything I thought was

necessary to help her, to make her grow into a better person. But no matter what I did, the

fighting continued. She resented me for taking those steps, even though I was trying to protect her

and guide her toward doing better. And then the situation with her father came to light.

When I found out she had been hiding his affair from me, it broke something between us.

I never stopped loving her, I couldn't, but I felt so deeply betrayed. I didn't confront her,

I didn't even know how to. Every time I thought about saying something, I froze. Instead,

I distanced myself in the ways that mattered most. I still spoke to her. I still picked up the phone

when she called, attended her events, and supported her financially. I never abandoned her in those

ways, but I couldn't be there for her emotionally like I should have. Every time I looked at her,

the pain came rushing back. I wanted to fix things to be the mother she needed, but I didn't know

how to be close to her without falling apart. It was so fucked up, and I know I failed her in pulling

away, but I just couldn't handle it. Now, after all this time, we're in therapy together,

trying to rebuild what's left of our relationship. I don't know if it's helping or hurting.

The first session was fine, awkward, but manageable. The second session, it felt like being gutted.

She spent the entire time blaming me for everything. She said I ruined her childhood.

She brought up the punishment from years ago, saying I overreacted and destroyed her life.

She refuses to acknowledge the harm she caused back then, or the pain she inflicted on that other

child. She also refuses to see what her father did to me. She paints him as some perfect,

amazing person, while I'm the villain in her story. Does she not see how he manipulated me?

How he broke our family. He manipulated her too, making her hide everything in the first place.

She said she was just protecting him, but how could she not see the truth?

Yes, our marriage wasn't perfect. We married for all the wrong reasons and were heading for divorce

anyway, but how is everything my fault? I've spent months trying to find peace.

I've worked so hard to rebuild myself, to find some kind of balance. And now therapy feels like

it's tearing all of that apart. I'm exhausted, mentally, emotionally, physically. I feel like I'm

breaking my back trying to fix this relationship, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep going.

President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats

in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years, but you can stop

them by voting yes by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let

voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections.

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I love her. She's my daughter, my blood. I'll never stop loving her. But I feel like no matter what

I do, it's never enough. Why isn't this working? Why can't I make things right? I've tried everything

I can think of, and yet nothing is changing. Is it me? Am I truly that terrible of a mother?

Am I really the villain in all of this? I just don't understand. How did we end up here?

I've spent so many years trying to be the best mother I could, trying to protect her, to help her grow.

But every step I take feels like it makes things worse. I know I've made mistakes. God, I know that,

but is this relationship really beyond repair? Is she better off without me? Why does she still refuse

to see what he did? How could she not see the manipulation? Maybe I was too harsh, too distant,

but why does it feel like no matter what I do, it's never enough for her. I've given everything,

but it's like nothing matters to her. I just feel so lost. Maybe I'm not cut out for this.

Maybe I've ruined everything. Maybe I'm the cause of all this pain.

She sees me as the enemy, and maybe that's all I am to her now. A constant reminder of everything

she hates. I'm breaking. I'm so fucking broken, and I don't know how to fix this anymore.

I don't even know where to go from here. Am I supposed to just keep fighting, keep giving?

Or should I just let go? I'm so tired. So fucking tired. I can't breathe through this.

It's suffocating. Update 3, hey everyone, I wasn't planning on posting again, but I've had a

few messages asking for an update, so I figured I'd just share this here and leave it at that.

I'm not looking for advice anymore, and I'm definitely not looking for judgment.

Just wanted to close the loop. My daughter decided to stop therapy.

She said it wasn't helping, and I could tell she didn't really want to be there anymore.

I didn't fight her on it. You can't force someone to heal, and trying to do that only pushed

us further apart. We're still in contact, but it's surface level now. And in some ways,

that's better. There's less tension, fewer fights. I've realized you can't really heal

with someone who refuses to take accountability for their actions. We're both still in individual

therapy though, so that's something, maybe one day we'll meet in the middle. Or maybe we won't.

I've come to accept that things might not ever fully heal between us. It still hurts, but I can

live with it. My door is always open to her, she knows that. On a brighter note, my boyfriend,

and I are planning to move in together, and it feels like the right next step.

We're both excited about it. And my son got into an amazing college. I'm incredibly proud of him.

He's worked so hard, and seeing him achieve this is honestly one of the proudest moments of my life.

Anyway, that's where things are. Thank you to everyone who showed me kindness along the way.

This will be my last update. I'm ready to let this chapter rest and just focus on what's ahead.

Take care.