TODAY'S NEWS, APril 16-17, 2026

Hi everybody, welcome to today's news for April 16th, 17th, 20th, 26th.

As you can tell, I'm feeling a little bit better.

I'm almost all the way back.

Our headlines, the straight is open for business.

El Puyo Gallego faces sexual assault allegations.

This guy's going to be gone soon.

Project Hail Mary is epic movie making.

So let's get started.

The news of today is always the history of tomorrow.

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By Larry coffee once in a while.

All right, in political news, this image

is about a self-explanatory of a graphic

on how the entire world has been reshaped

as anything you could possibly see.

The red arrows here are tankers headed for the US Gulf.

All have been re-rooted from the straight of hormones.

Meanwhile, if anyone wonders who's winning,

well, Iran has just shut down all petrochemical exports

to paraphrase glorious Steinem.

America needs Iran like a fish needs a bicycle.

And Iran is now cracking like a walnut.

Then boom, shot a locket just before I posted this.

Both Iran and Trump declared the straight of hormones

completely open.

Oh, yeah.

That would be after all those little red arrows

have already loaded up on American oil and gas.

I don't you just love it.

President Trump may go to Pookie Stone,

as zero used to call it, to sign an Iranian peace deal

as Jeff Childers in his coffee and COVID quipped.

There have been two times in the past

an American president has gone to Pookie Stone,

A, never, and B, maybe wants to briefly

with a motorcade running to pick up a carpet.

A former Democrat Lieutenant Governor of Virginia,

well, of course he is, killed himself and his wife.

As I predicted the other day, secretary,

I'm sorry, Senator El Poyo Gallego,

that would be Ruben Gallego of Arizona,

is probably going to be the next to be hit here

with the sexual misconduct charges.

He's already got one launched against him.

Word is there's a second in the pipeline.

I'm guessing 80% of those people in either party

are subject to these kinds of sex charges.

That'd be 80% of those people in Congress,

or to blackmail, or clearly they're on the take

from some big something or other.

I mean, it's a question of how deep do we want to go

on these people?

Once again, taxpayers are stuck with Rudabegas Bill

as a pro-life dad whose home was raided by Rudabegas

evil DOJ won a million dollars in a lawsuit.

You know, that's fine, good for him,

but we end up paying for the evil Rudabegas.

And a million dollars these days, well,

not what it used to be.

It'd be much better to see Merrick Garland

have to sit on a pile of fire ants.

The amazing moron-zoron wants to spend 30 million dollars

that New Kabul doesn't have on city-owned grocery stores.

Even though it's been shown that these things

would not reduce prices on many items at all,

they won't be ready for five years,

by which time I'm sure New Kabul

will have the credit rating of Angola.

Oh, and instead of spending 30 million dollars,

New Kabul could have just bought these existing grocery stores

for 20 million dollars, but that'd be way too easy.

Nor is Trump playing games pulling 73 million dollars

from New Kabul until it or unless it enforces

the citizen's only driver's license mandate.

Good, break that sucker.

So far, up to five million children

have been enrolled in Trump's tax-deferred investment accounts.

Good.

This is a weird story that, I don't know,

may not be a story, or it may be a story.

I don't know.

Over the past several months,

nine scientists or researchers connected to nuclear

and high-level programs have just gone missing.

Now, kind of a tenth as a New Mexico property manager

to a high security campus has also gone missing.

So I don't know what's going on here,

but Caroline Levit was asked this the other day

by the duty boy and she said she'd get an answer for him.

In cultural news, good.

A new Idaho law ends the use of public funds

for teachers unions.

Gen Z is seeing a resurgence of faith.

In transoid news, there is no bottom apparently

to this vile that is California.

As now it wants to provide sex change operations

to homeless illegals.

Just add Nazis to it and be done.

Meanwhile, in economic news,

the Philly Feds manufacturing index came in 2.5 times higher

than expected.

The Trump economy is about to achieve lift off.

The empire survey also came in higher than expected.

Manufacturing jobs increased as well.

So I think we're about ready to explode here.

Meanwhile, the S&P and the Nasdaq both hit record highs

despite the straight or moves.

So much for Trump's or Ron policies

or killing the economy.

Latest reports on inflation are below expectations.

Those dang expectations are wrong

more than a drunk picking ponies at Pymlico.

Social media giant SNAP laid off 1,000 as it embraced AI.

The FTC has reached an agreement with major ad agencies

that prevent them from colluding against platforms

over misinformation.

Thanks to President Trump and the big beautiful bill,

our tax refunds were 11% higher than last year

and Americans like me are using it to pay down debt.

Here's a very troubling paper about AI saying,

it will destroy jobs, jobs, lots of jobs.

Researchers tried every solution to fix this,

including a type of digital transaction tax,

but it didn't help.

And while it did not transfer wealth

from employees to investors or from investors to employees,

it turns out that such a tax would cost them both.

Bottom line, by laying off people,

AI is going to be killing its own customer base.

I get this.

So did Henry Ford, who decided to pay his employees

top dollar, about 80% more than anybody else

in order to make model T's,

so that within a couple of years,

each Ford employee could afford to buy a model T.

This is common sense.

As late as the 1960s, folks,

you'd go buy any of the Detroit headquarters

of the Big Three and you would not see a single foreign car

in the lot.

If you did drive a Toyota in, they would have burned it down.

Anyway, of the 100,000 tech people laid off last year,

at least half this paper argues were laid off directly due to AI.

Spirit airlines could go out of business so fast

as passengers might be trapped at airports.

I guess you could say that the spirit has left spirits body.

In international news, a jet ski maker saw

it shares crash, the most in its history on record

due to the Iran straight closure.

This is how incredibly out of touch the euros are.

They have drafted a peace plan for the straight,

remember the straights open now,

that didn't involve any of the belligerent parties.

How do you draft a peace plan that doesn't include

the belligerent parties?

Yeah, and whose navy are you gonna use to open the straight?

Can't be the mediocre brits who couldn't even search

a single aircraft carrier for a week

due to mechanical problems.

A gigantic new study, over 600,000 research papers

found that wait for it, academia leans left,

even in its research.

The BBC is reporting the mediocre British legal advisors

are telling immigrants to pose as homosexuals

to gain admission to England.

Now that's funny right there, I don't care who you are.

Speaking of mediocre Britain and follow me now,

the brits are paying people to use more electricity.

They're paying them with tax funds.

That they just took for those people

so that the grid operators can quote,

grapple with the impact of more renewable sources

that don't produce the energy

that the people are being paid to consume

from the money they has paid into taxes.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Don't ask Stuttering Care Starmer.

He says he's fed up with the Americans

and the Ruskies dictating grid oil policy.

Now really, but you're not fed up enough

to ditch your stupid green mandates, bite me a chowder pickle.

You can't even surge in aircraft carriers.

So I'm not talking to you.

Admiral Nelson would have put a patch over his good eye

when looking at this lame country now.

Example, if mediocre Britain, all of it,

were a US state, it would come in

near the bottom economically.

The EU meanwhile is trying to incentivize people

to use electricity at times that,

well, they don't want to use electricity.

The Euros, it seems, will run out of jet fuel

in six weeks, probably not now that the straits open,

but this story was last night.

You know, President Trump told them,

you know where the oil is.

Take it, ha, ha, ha.

As David Blackman, the Russia Limbaugh Energy notes,

a major Spanish oil company,

Repsol, is reopening its facilities in Venezuela.

After President Trump required Venezuela

to open up an increased oil production

by 300% within three years.

They appear to be complying.

In entertainment news, if you watch one movie,

all year folks, it has to be Project Hail Mary.

It's an epic emotional film, a friendship

between a human and a rock creature

on a mission to save their respective planets.

Ryan Gosling is fantastic.

And by the way, he's the producer.

So Kudos, Ryan.

The in-credit song, glory, glory is 100% Jesus.

This is one by Icontina Turner.

Maybe this is one of the reasons that variety says

there is a box office revival in the theaters.

Hey, I'm not opposed to that at all.

I'd be in favor of it so long as they show good stuff.

In medical news, the CDC says there is a chocolate-related

poisoning reported in 34 states.

It seems the chocolate has some frooms in it.

I don't know what, they just eat it

and put on some grateful dead.

Xanax is being recalled nationally.

Now, realize this is an anti-anxiety,

anti-depression drug.

So there's going to be more anxiety

and more depression than ever, no?

By the way, if you want a great novel

about how something like this could work out

in another field, Kyle Mills, great writer,

he wrote his book, Smoke Screen,

about a scenario in which Big Tobacco

decides to go on strike

until the government either bans tobacco

or lets it be sold like a regular product.

And so they go on strike and I don't mean lucky strike.

It's a great book, Smoke Screen by Kyle Mills.

A deputy of Dr. Fallacy, who declined the Vax,

feared retaliation says emails.

And finally, this warms my heart.

Indiana fever forward in the WNBA.

And Caitlin Clarks on court bodyguard,

the beautiful Sophie Cunham was baptized yesterday.

We in the Valley of the Sun sure missed her, I'll tell you.

She was one of the very few of not the only female

I could ever stand, listen to, do color commentary

because she knew her stuff.

Her comments weren't, gee, you know,

they are really playing hard out there.

So congratulations in so many ways, Sophie Cunham.

And I will see all you guys back here on Monday.

Remember to please like, share,

buy Larry a coffee once in a while.

We're having a production meeting Tuesday

to get Patriots history actually started to film me.

If you want in on that, email me at Larry

at wildworldahistory.com.

And I will see you guys back here later.

Monday.