Together in This World. Together in Jannah

0:00If you think you can win every single battle, you're going to lose the war. You know the long war. And I don't know if it's a good idea to call it a war because it's not really a war. But it's a war because there's so much outside influences that want to bring in shaytan's always there to mess it up. So that's why I call it a war. Maybe, you know. But if we don't do that, then we try to win every single small battle that's such short-sightedness. Because you can't win every battle satisfactorily. Eventually, all comes back to you. So you know the main thing in one of these programs is to try to answer the questions that people have.

1:08Because in a short program like this on a Sunday night, we can only cover so much. We can't cover every aspect of marriage because marriage is from the time that you do the offer and acceptance. You do the nika and it goes all the way into gender if we're successful. Because husband and wives are going to be in paradise together. You're not going to be with your parents. If we get to paradise, you're not going to be with your parents or your children or your brothers and sisters. Of course, you can meet people. But the person you're going to share paradise with is going to be with a spouse. There are no single people in paradise. Even if you die single, you will be given a spouse. Because that's what paradise is designed for. If you look in the Quran, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala talks about Fishogul in Fakihul, Al-Araik, Ma'azwajihim, Ma'azwajihim. They're with their spouses, they're with their spouses. So you are going to be with your spouse.

2:09La ilaha illa Allah. There is a sister who called me once after hearing this. She said, I'm only staying together for the children. And I'm just staying together for the children. Now you're telling me I'm going to have to be in paradise with him as well. So I had to say that looking in paradise, there's no hurt, there's no jealousy, there's no enmity, there's no... It's just enjoyment. I said, I know you won't be able to fathom this and understand this right now. But if you do both enter paradise and you're together, it will be the best thing that's ever happened to you. I know you can't even understand that right now. But that is what it's going to be. So married life is a huge journey. So how can we speak about everything? So we're not going to speak about everything. What I do is I talk about some aspects that come to mind that we ask Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala to give us guidance on.

3:11And then we open it up to questions, so whatever is relevant to whoever we can then touch on those subjects. Otherwise it takes us hours and hours to cover everything and then still you won't cover everything. Why? Because marriage is not just the religious aspects. The name of Allah is what we come together for. According to the Sunnah of Rasulullah, Al-Alahi wa Sallam, is what helps us tie the knot as such and make the solemnization of it. But other than that, there's a huge amount of culture involved in that. Marriage, a huge amount of culture involved in that. And if anybody thinks that they are a cultural, which means that they are against culture or they're not cultural, then I'd like to find that person. Is there anybody here who thinks they're not cultural? Is there anybody here who thinks they are not into culture? It must be somebody. So you guys are all very cultural people.

4:11Yes. You see, there are people, they might not like, you see, this is the kanundrum here. They might not like their culture. You know, they may be Gujarati or Punjabi or Somali. And they don't like that culture for some reason or the other. They've had that experience. I'm not cultural. Of course you're cultural. What you've just done is you've just changed part of your culture. That's all you've done. But it's still a culture. Humans can't be without culture. Because what is culture? Culture is the way you eat. What you prefer to eat and how you eat, the way you dress. And the way you live. That's culture. So yes, you may have given up aspects of Bhutan, or Punjabi, or Meman, or Gujarati culture. But then you've just probably transplanted it with either British culture or some other culture. That's it. But you're all cultural. So culture is varied. Culture is beautiful. Culture is enriching. But there are negative aspects of culture. And those are the aspects that can either make or break a marriage.

5:16The positive aspects of your culture can mashallah improve your marriage. And there are the negative aspects of certain cultures that can destroy marriages. This is what most people challenge with. Of course, that's not the only thing that can destroy a marriage. Personal behavior. Just a person's own weaknesses. Character problems. Too much anger. Too much desire for other things. Perfectionism. Perfectionism is a problem. They want the other person to be perfect. But there are no perfect humans except the prophets. And there aren't going to be any more prophets coming for you to marry. So, you know, it's not going to happen. So people have these wishful ideas and thinking. So that's another thing that breaks the marriage. So you see a culture that breaks the marriage or spoils the marriage

6:17and provides a lot of challenges. Or it's the personal behavior. Otherwise, there's external influences. Money matters is another thing that messes up a marriage. Money matters. Money is everything today. And... Mother. Yeah. That's culture. That's part of the culture. Mother in law is you can't escape, can we? The people who escape the mother in law culture are those people. So Malaysia and Sri Lanka. Any Sri Lankans here? Malaysians. So I went to a friend's, a guy he invited me for lunch. So I said, who's house is this? He said, this is my, he's a guy. He says, my father in law's house, I live here. What are you doing in your father in law's house? Because in most cultures or many cultures, you don't move into your wife's parents' house. That's not what is seen as a manly thing. That's seen as a very unmannedly thing in some cultures. So he said, what are you doing?

7:18He said, this is the normal culture here. And it's beneficial because the wife, she's actually operating with her mother, with her own mother. So there's no mother in law rivalry there. Right? And then as the guy, you get to save up and live for free for a while and then get to save up. I thought about it and I thought it didn't sound too bad, does it? Because it avoids the whole mother in law issue. Because you're living with your mother, she is going to treat you like their daughter. You know, and this is the weird thing about certain mother in law. They'll treat their own daughter like their daughter, but there's daughter in law some foreign objects. In some cases, not always, but in some cases. So these are the cultural issues. So now, since, I mean, this is not planned to have been this discussion. If you go to a mother in law and you ask her, why do you oppress your daughter in law? What would she say, you think? In most cases, this is how it doesn't have it all the time. Sometimes the daughter in law is at a crazy once. She would say that because my mother in law did that to me.

8:22That's the usual thing. This is where I learned from. This is what you should be doing. That's my role model. So you go to her mother in law. Why did you do that then? Why did you do that? Because my mother in law did that to me. Now, her mother in law go to her grave and ask her, like, why did you do that? I mean, where did it start? Did it start from Adam Ali Samad, how Ali Sam did it? It started somewhere. So just like it started somewhere, I didn't expect even how Ali Salam to do that. So just like it started somewhere, you changed this bad Sunnah. You changed this bad way and you become the new mother in law that doesn't do the oppression. So you set a new model. That's the way you change culture. Okay. So now what Allah says in this verse, the one I read at the beginning, is that it's part of Allah's sign. Allah speaks about husband and wife relationship, man and woman creation. As a partnership, as a sign of his. So in that Surah, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala,

9:22speaks about several major signs in the universe, woman Ayati, from among his great signs, from among his salient features. This one is that he has created for you your spouse from yourselves. Don't go on telling your wife that you're created from me. Meaning, you understand? It just means that the origin of man is from clay and soil, Adaman Issa. But then Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala took his rib and created how I don't know. Exactly. But the Hadith says, very clearly, the Hadith of Sahih Muslim, etc. Sahih Bukhari, that the woman is created from the rib of a man. And the rib of a man is created from the rib of a man. And the rib that it's created, woman is created from, is the topmost one which is the most crooked one. That's what the Hadith says. Then the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam said,

10:24and before I go on to that, the rib's perform a very important function. They're supposed to be crooked. They're designed to be that because they're supposed to be protecting the heart and chest area. If they were straight, they wouldn't do much. They wouldn't do enough. But that's how they're designed for Biala and Allah is the best of designers. So Allah has designed men and designed women with their idiosyncrasies, with their peculiarities, these stereotypes that you have, women are like this. They don't know how to park. Men are like this. They leave their socks everywhere. Or whatever it is that they have. This is how Allah created them. Not that you can't change things. You can change things. So Allah, the Most High, the Most High, the Most High. So what we're talking about here is that what Allah is saying, and then the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam is clarifying that if you men think that women are crooked, because some men do.

11:24If you think that's the case, then what are you going to do about it? In your mind, if that's the case, that's the reality. So the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam actually said, if you try to straighten her in your mind, Allah doesn't say in the book, and he didn't say that women are crooked, doesn't say that at all. But if you think so, fine. If you try to straighten her, you're going to break her, because ribs are not there to be straightened. That is their design, to be that way. So then the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam said, benefit from her, while they have this so-called crookedness in your mind. He didn't say in your mind, but he said so-called crookedness. So he's saying, you just can have to deal with it. If you make that a big deal, if you make that a big issue, you're going to suffer. For example, if I'm working with a few people, and they're from another culture, another ethnicity, another color, and I make that a big deal, because deep down I've allowed to fester in me, a hatred for other cultures,

12:29then all I'm doing is I'm making my own life miserable, because no longer do we live in monocultures anymore. People used to live in monocultures. Monocultures means everybody's the same for villages on end. You don't see anything else. So if a newcomer comes, they sound strange, you look strange. But we live in mixed cultures. This is our reality. It's just like if you're racist in one of those, your racism is not going to really, unless you go out. But in a culture like this where everybody's mixed, you can't have racism. You're crazy if you do. You're not going to get anywhere. You're just going to self-sabotage yourself. So you can make anything an issue. Men and women, Allah has designed to complement one another. But we can make it into an issue. I don't like women, you can say. I don't like men, the women will say. And sometimes what happens is that you've had a bad experience. So there's some men, I've seen them, and I've seen some women.

13:29They've had a bad experience with a previous marriage and it's not gone right. So now they think all the men, all the women in the world are like that. They don't want to marry again. And that is very short-sightedness, because I'm sure everybody knows very good women and very good men. Not everybody's like that. So it's getting that fact right that Allah has brought us together. You've put all of this investment on them. So it's not like, okay, I went and bought a pair of shoes. You know, I don't like them. I can go and try to change them. And if I can't, I'll just buy a new one. It doesn't take that long to buy some shoes. But to get married is not that easy. There's a huge amount of effort investment that goes in there. So you have to try to make it work. Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasam guides us. Because he's talking to the men, I don't want to make this sound like I'm telling the men off. But the Hadith I quote, because he's talking to men, that's why, otherwise the same the other way around. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasam said, a believing man should not hate a believing woman. There should be nothing there to make you hate her.

14:30Just like a believing woman should not hate a believing man. And then he clarified, it's so psychological. This is just so perfectly understood. He said, if you dislike some of the characteristics, there will be others that you should like. Because every human being, by reality, by Allah's design and creation, has good and bad qualities. Have you ever seen somebody with bad qualities only? I know there's some people who completely destroyed their good qualities. Like the world is seeing now. When they've destroyed their good, they've become pure shaytan has been, you know, completely taken over by the shaytan. But they had the capability. But it was just the complete wrong nurture and so on and so forth. Every child is born with a set of qualities and also a set of challenges, every one of us. We have to try to find those good qualities. Now this is where culture comes into it. Culture will expect you that in your marriage,

15:31for example, a guy I know got married, his uncle told him that when you get married, make sure that your wife cooks a fresh dish and makes tea for you, I don't know how many times a day. Even if you don't want to drink it, pour it away afterwards. When she asks for certain things at the beginning, she just say no, just so that you kind of moderate and balance out the demands. Now I can understand some strategy there. I can understand some strategy, but you know, it's like do this. His marriage in your marriage is two different marriages. You know, this guy he was advising maybe, doesn't even like tea maybe, you know? So it's just what I'm saying is, you can't give these kind of really specific advices to you. You can give generic advices that would apply everywhere to do these kind of things. There's cases I've had where there is a brother married to his wife,

16:35whose brother is married to his sister, or it's the case where two brothers are married to two sisters. One of those couples are happy. The other couple are having problems, and then they eventually ended up separating. Their culture is now such that the others have to also bake their marriage because of their just in alliance and in sympathy with their brother's sisters. How crazy is that? You know, you've allowed one, okay, one is messed up, and it can be messed up. Why are you spoiling the other one for? That's culture, that's pure culture. There's certain cultures, women, if they're divorced, they cannot marry again. It's considered an eye, it's considered like a major embarrassment and defects. That's not Sharia. The Prophet saw as some said, you should get married, you know, in fact, in the Sharia, the encouragement is that you'll be married even if you've got one day left of your life. You want to die married, preferably. It's a major sudden, I just encourage, Prophet, I'm very angry when people said,

17:37we're not going to marry because we want to do worship. I mean, what can compare with worship? So, the marriage is part of the design of this world, part of human experience, very, very important. So, what Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'l-Azizah, that we made it a sign, that we created your spouses from you, addressing them in, and we placed, we placed between you, Muadda Thun Wa Rahma, we placed love, affection, and Rahma mercy, between yourselves. That is by design, that's what Allah has designed it to be. So, if there are any marriages that don't have mercy and love in them, then you're doing something wrong. You're blocking it, you're preventing it. I'm blaming those people. I'm not judging anyone because I don't know anybody. But you understand, this is what the Quran has said, we've placed between you, love and affection. So, if somebody can't get that love and affection, there's somebody's wrong there. Either the wife is the problem or the husband's the problem.

18:40They're not expressing that love. They're blocking love, they're blocking any advances of love. They're just doing something wrong. They're doing something negative. What is going on? We need to diagnose that. Because by design, they're supposed to be love. A man should be attracted to a woman, a woman should be attracted to a man. That's by design. So, if that's not happening, you have problems. Find what that problem is. Allah says, in this are signs for those who think. So, if you don't think it's an issue, because Allah is saying there's a sign in here that we must think about these things. With marriage, you want to make a lot of dua because who you get, are they going to be laden with lots of cultural baggage and problems? Are they going to come with a lot of baggage and emotion? There are certain people who do come with emotion

19:41because they've had a bad experience. And the experts say that don't try to become their counsellor. They need a professional counsellor. You can't be a husband counsellor or a wife counsellor. It's very difficult because the role is different. Sometimes you can. So, sometimes people have an issue because they've had trauma in their life. They suffer the abuse. They just can't understand a relationship. They're mistrusting. They don't trust anybody because growing up, they had some abuse. Some people don't want to open up. They have issues but they can't speak. They're closed. They don't reveal anything. They're not transparent. They don't communicate. They just suffer and cause the other one to suffer. If you're such a person, get help sooner than later. You know, in the last few years, I've dealt with several marriages that are at least between 18 to 25 years old.

20:41And it's around the age of 40 when things start falling apart for some marriages. So, you know, you get married and there's an issue. But either due to the force of culture or because of some trauma or abuse or because of some other stuff, you don't deal with it. You just keep putting it under the carpet. You don't deal with it. You don't get help. What happens then is that issues will pile up because as humans we're going to have issues. And the problem is that sometimes issues are such that they're small issues. They're light issues. You just show an act of love. Something happens again. You guys go out. You know, the couple goes out and it all gets resolved. But some are serious. They're not communicated. So what happens now is they keep festering and bothering. Then another issue happens. And another issue happens.

21:41And there's 20 years worth of issues. Yeah, Allah, it is very difficult to sort those marriages out. Very difficult because how do you sort out 20 years of issues? And then the couple are... Each one is set in their ways as well then. By that time. They don't want to change. No, they want to change when they can't. Because as you grow up you get less flexible. Unless you've practiced being flexible throughout your life. That's what I've noticed. If you're a very flexible person from a young age and you're willing to try new things and you're constantly reflecting and introspecting and you're a person who wants to be better and you're willing to make that change and you take new advice, then in inshallah you have hope. But if you're not a person you're stubborn, right? You're going to really suffer. Because stubborn people never win. They win for a short time. Now what we have to... There's a one way to look at marriage, especially for those who are newly into it. And even those who are into it

22:42and can make some adjustments, is don't look at this as a win as a winning every battle moment. Like, you know, with the spouse you have three battles a week. Okay? Where are you going to go out? Where are you going for a holiday? What do we do with the children? What's the new furniture that we're going to get? Whatever. And if you think you can win every single battle, you're going to lose the war. You know, the long war. And I don't know if it's a good idea to call it a war because it's not really a war. But it's a war because there's so much outside influences that want to bring in shaytan's always there to mess it up. And that's why I call it a war. Maybe, you know. But if we don't do that, then we try to win every single small battle that's such short sightedness. Because you can't win every battle, satisfactorily.

23:42Eventually, all comes back to you. The world, Allah does not allow Hulm to continue forever. He has a time frame. He allows it for a certain amount, just like you've seen everything blown up in the media right now. It happened for, you know, 20 years, whatever it was. And then it's all come out into open. Yes, at the heart. So you can't win everything. Oppression doesn't continue forever. Allah has a meazan in this world. And eventually, it writes itself. Now, if you have children into that picture and you're trying to win every battle, eventually, it's going to implode. The volcano is going to erupt. You can consider that if you're not doing the right thing in marriage and if at least one or both partners are, there's a simmering angst and hatred and sadness and grief there. Eventually, that volcano is going to erupt. But that may be after you have four children.

24:43And that means you're disturbing the life of these children that you brought in. Just because you're arrogant. I'm not saying that to anybody here. Could be anybody. You know, like because you're arrogant, you're stubborn. You want it your way. It's not worth it. It's not worth it because you're going to have misery in your life. Because everybody is around you. It's unhappy. How are you going to be happy? You think you're happy because you just accustomed yourself to feeling that I can still go about my business, even though everybody around me hates my guts. But believe me, that lasts for a time when you're kind of fresh and youthful enough that that man you just want to settle down and relax. You want that love because Allah created us for love. So you want that love and affection. So it's not worth it. That's why I'm telling everybody, get help sooner than later if you cannot sort it out yourself. Get outside help, not necessarily from your mother. Because mothers are wonderful people. They're very loving.

25:43They're probably the most on your side, but they could be biased. In many cases, not in all cases. Get help from somebody that you both respect. That can, that understands right. It doesn't have to be a scholar. It can just be any decent person. And if not, then get a professional counselor. And we just don't have enough professional Muslim culturally aware counselors for this kind of a thing. I have to turn down so many of them because I don't have time for counseling. And literally in a week, I'll get one or two calls at least for counseling. And it's something that is a really, really good vocation for the brother and sisters. If any of you need a vocation, go and do counseling because you have flexible working hours. You do it as a chidma, but you also make the money you charge for this and it's a very, very amazing thing to do. So these are the kind of things that I'm talking about. Now, when your marriage also is not a set of laws,

26:44it's a very different relationship. If you want it to be prosperous, you cannot reduce it down to a set of laws and do's and don'ts. That's too boring. There's no fun in do's and don'ts. Right, ask anybody if they, if they're just following their deen with no love for Allah and it's missing just Allah, they're doing it just like, man, this is halal, man, that's halal. Right? That has to be observed as our framework, but we need to build our framework that all of that is accommodated, but there needs to be something that carries it which is ahtsam. You do all of this as though you're seeing Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. So how do you do that? That's why a lot of people, they keep asking me like, what are the rights of my wife? So what are my rights from my wife and what are my rights from the husband? Like I can tell you there's very few of them that you can take somebody to court for in terms of like proper legal rights.

27:45There's very few that you can take them to a court for, but if you're going to look at marriage like that, yeah, if you're just finding out once in your life just to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong fine, right? You need to know that. Am I doing the obligations of prayer? But if that's all you're trying to fulfill in obligations of prayer with no love in there and no sign in your prayer, your prayer is going to be quite ugly, right? It's going to be like this barebone structure. You want to make it beautiful and adorned. When you make a building, you can just have it simply. I mean, why do you have these asmaltul, asmaltul, asmaltul, asmaltul, asmaltul, asmaltul across, you know, the wall? Because that adorns it, it's not necessary. This must you react without that. They did not have to personalize this clock for this table. But somebody has a Hassan and they want to do these things. Right? Somebody wants to do it better than just the basics, just to survive type of thing. That's the same thing with marriage. So in a marriage, what you want to do is you want to create a love bank account.

28:48Some of you will already have these online monzo account or styling or whatever, right? You have that? Loads or whatever, right? Do you guys have love bank accounts? Have you started that one yet? Nobody's got a love bank account? It's a law book. It's a law book. Sorry? You're overdrawn on it. Yes, love bank account. You kids said you have a love bank account? Have you signed up for a love bank? No, I don't think they do children's accounts. What is a love bank account? A love bank account is essentially this invisible account, which everything you do over and above what is normally expected for your spouse, you've deposited something into that account. So for example, if on a Sunday morning I wake up and I'm like, you know, you come down in about 15 minutes, I'll make breakfast for you.

29:49Or today you go out with your friends to this program that's happening I look after the children. She didn't expect that. It's like, oh, Mashallah, JazakAllah. You know, I took her some flowers back. She's going to think, Mashallah, this is not standard. I did not demand them. He really thinks about me. Likewise, the wife, because I've got men in front of me, I'm talking to the men, but it's the same other way around. Are there women listening somewhere? Or they upstairs. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I always speak very openly for both men and women, so I don't, I'm never scared of women, right? Or men for that matter. I'm not sure. We just say what it is, right? So because al-hamdulillah, we just have to be balanced in both of these things. That's why I'm clarifying. So either way, right? If you do that, the other person is going to feel that this is not an obligation. They did extra and it's going to make their heart feel very good. You have brought soror and happiness to a Muslim. Somebody we should be doing that too.

30:49What that's going to do is just going to ease out the marriage. Now, let's just say that tomorrow, the day after, you had a little tip, a little problem, a little misunderstanding. It just came up, you know? The other partner is going to feel that, because shaytan, that's when the shaytan attacks and makes you feel that he hates you. She's got somebody else. You know, she doesn't like you anymore. He is looking, you know, flirting with someone. All of these doubts the shaytan creates. But if you've just had that good deposit yesterday, then what's going to happen? Is it going to think, no, man, he just did that for me. I can't hate me. What that does is that balance helps a lot to deplete some of that balance when something goes wrong, because it just creates this really good vibe. You have to keep depositing in there regularly, not like once in a year, and then it's like any dentist here. You need to make any decision.

31:49No, no, it just improves the marriage the more you do, unless they start taking advantage. That's a different issue. But is there any dentist here? Because you know, you're supposed to brush your teeth like two minutes a day. Somebody's like, you know, I don't have time for that. Every morning, I'm in a rush anyway. Let me saturday, I'm just going to do half an hour. So I don't have to do for the rest of the week. Can you do that? Can you just brush your teeth for half an hour on Sunday, and you don't have to do it for the rest of the week, these little kids? Can you do that? Well, you could do it without two faces, well, but yeah. You understand what I'm saying. It has to be constant. That's the best way to do it. So that really, really helps. Another thing, I'm just talking about some very random points because I'm waiting to get to the questions. Communication is very, very important. You know, as, I don't want to say Muslims. A lot of people like to stereotype all Muslims just because their culture does something. They're late. People say, all Muslims are late.

32:50No, they're not all late. You know, Turks are not late. Because those becs are not late. They're on time. Yes, Indian Pakistanis are late. Right? In many cases. What are you? Egyptians are late. Egyptians are very late. Egyptians are very late. You show them mostly. And you are? You're Moroccan. I'm not sure about Moroccanism. So, many, what was I saying? Communication. One of the problems that many of us face is that we don't have systems in place. We let things spiral out of control. Then we get angry when it doesn't go according to it. So, what we do is, something's going wrong. Okay? Something's going wrong. We don't talk about it. We just think they should understand. Like, why don't you understand? One day we'll blow up and say, don't you get it? Let me your mum teach you.

33:50Why don't you have a communication? People are brought up differently. Maybe her mum or his mum should have taught. But she didn't. So now, let's sort it out here. A woman moved from another town into London. And London water is... ...tem's water is... ...has a lot of... It's very hard. It's very hard. It has a lot of limescale. So, even when you wash, it leaves a white limescale. Where she came from, it wasn't like that. So now, they're living with the mother in London. Mother in London was like, you don't even know how to wash the bathroom. Your mum did not teach you. Like, it just goes to the mom straight away. She came from an area where you don't have to... ...dry the tub after you wash it. Because it doesn't leave stains in her area. Have you heard of Bideani? Yeah. Oh, good. I'm going to mop every neck.

34:51Okay. So, that... I was a bit scared. You didn't know, and I was going to alienate you. Have you heard about Bideani? Yeah. You can write it in the book. No, no, there's no comparison. Chicken chips and Bideani. Anyway, so, there are multiple ways of making Bideani. Bideani is a dish with a rice and meat usually, right? There's a Karachi way, there's a Bombay way, there's a Bangalore way, there's a... Even within Gujarat, there's two or three ways. And so on. So, a couple got married. And his wife has learnt to make that dish. But her mum has a different style. And his mum has a different style. He's used to his mum style. So, when she makes it, it doesn't like it. Right? So, now, there's two approaches. Man, didn't your mum even know how to make you... Teach you how to make Bideani? She did, but it's a different style. Right? You could just say, look, Mashallah, amazing, good effort. But I'd like you to learn my mum style as well. So, you can be more comprehensive. You can know two styles.

35:51Different approach. But a lot of us don't like to put a system in place to communicate that kind of stuff. Everybody comes from... I was in Switzerland recently, just to show you how extreme cultures can be. In Switzerland and in Japan, husband and wife go out to eat. They both pay their own bills, by the way. No, no. No, it's like standard. That sounds crazy here, I know. We're like usually fighting to pay the bill. We're trying to at least fight, you know? Now, what happens there is... Now, Switzerland is even more. In the fridge at home, it'll be marked, this is the wife's and this is the husband's. Everything. So, one of the guys that I met who is Albanian, he got married to a Swiss. And in the beginning of the marriage, he's like, that's mine and that's yours. He got angry eventually. And he's like, everything's both of us once it goes into Fritz. So, stop saying that. Right? So, Alhamdulillah, she changed her culture. But it's normal in their culture. It's not seen as bad. It's normal. And he's going to think it's bad.

36:52These are what you call cultures. Cultures have a massive impact. Some cultures, yeah, Allah. And again, when I say culture, I don't mean all of Pakistani culture is the same. All of Somali is the same. All goodgerati, or Egyptian culture is all the same. The culture from Saeedu Misr. Right? And the culture of Cairo is very different from Alexandria. Very different. So, you can't say every Pakistani is like something. I'm not a good, I'm Indian, but I'm just saying this is very wrong to pass that because every sometimes every family has their own culture. That's very different from the next family. So some of these cultures, they're expectations are the problem. They just don't let the couple live. They pressure them on to doing crazy things and they just don't have any sense about it. And then they alienate them. They use all of these weird reactions to this and then they just mess up the whole thing.

37:54If you have those kind of things go and get some counseling. I know it's going to be very difficult. It's not easy to change a culture that is one of the most difficult things to change. Because everybody's doing it. You're going to have to be a proper maverick to change things. Otherwise, you're just going to tow the line. You're going to have to be a proper influencer, not those online, but you're going to have to be a proper influencer to sort these kind of things out. You understand what I'm saying? And these are some of the points that I want to make. Then there's other points, but I think I'm going to open up to question. There's lots of other issues that I said there's money issues. And especially now it's getting much more difficult. You know, the first generation that came in this country in the 1960s and 70s, they struggled to just establish themselves. Their children, which is my generation, enjoyed the benefit that they had set up. Now our children, this current generation, is struggling because since COVID things are just gone crazy, very expensive. And Allah help us.

38:54Allah help us. That's why you're going to have to be frugal in your, and the problem is that because of social media, because of influences, because of promotions, everybody wants this star studded wedding and clothing and living space and all of that. And you just can't, that can't be sustained. They're looking for the richest husband. They're looking for the most attractive wife, right? Having a beautiful wife and a stable husband is a good thing. But if you go crazy and that's all you're looking for, then that's the wrong thing. Because if you're looking for somebody that is amazingly beautiful, Ahmadi Rila, but that's not all you should be looking for because marriage is not that I'm going to bring my amazingly looking wife, put her in the front room on a special stage that I will build and just watch her all day. That's not what marriage is about. That's not what marriage is about. This person I want to marry, can they also perform the other functions of life?

40:00How is he going to look after me if I'm sick? Will she have the right compassion if I'm sick, etc., etc.? Look for a package deal in a spouse. Don't look for one thing. Don't be crazy just because somebody else did it. You are your own person. So you have to find the right thing, the right balance for him. So these are some of the issues. And the positive aspects of all of this year, Allah, you keep making doah, Allah give me the right spouse. So Allah, Rabbana, Habla, Namin, Ezuajina, Or Duryatina, or Rata'a'a'yun, Wajan'a'yun, Wattakimah, Imama, our Lord give us from our spouses so the husband, wife, both can read this for each other. And from our Durya, our descendant, so Allah is not telling us to be stingy saying make doah for all of your descendants until the day of judgement, everybody to come from you. It's an amazing doah and you have to think that far ahead because I am worried about

41:01my great great great great grandchildren who I will probably not see in this world. No one will know about my children. I am worried about them. I don't want Kufr to enter. I don't want any kind of evil fitner to come in. I want to try to leave an environment that continues down but only I can rely on Allah to do that. So that on the day of judgement when we get up and Mashallah this is huge number of descendants of yours that you've never seen before and one has done this amazing thing and Mashallah that's the day when you're going to be happy. So may Allah make us happy. But we have to be focused on that. Don't be short-sighted Allah is teaching us to think ahead that Allah make from my spouses and my descendants. Zuriya is the word in Arabic right? Those that are the coolness of my sight both in this world and the hereafter and make us imams for the righteous people. Because every one of us is the Imam in the house of some sort. The Imam of the misjid, the Imam of the house, he says of the righteous people.

42:04So make us the Imam and make us the Imam of righteous so it's like this indirect dua that make our family righteous. Only Allah can say things like this is amazing. Arabic Arabic That's another dua of the Quran. My Lord give me from the righteous. Another one. Arabic Arabic Arabic Arabic My Lord make me of those who established the prayer and from my descendants. I've seen this work. The guy tells me that his parents used to encourage them a lot to pray quite strictly. Because we used to try to pray but we messed up sometimes many times. He said, but he said when I told my children to pray they are more regular than I was and I think it's because I read this dua. It's a very powerful dua. So anyway I leave that with you and we'll just take some questions down. The first thing is that I looked around and I saw that most people are probably married.

43:10That's why I targeted the married people but I tried to slip in. How many of you are not married here? Yeah that's about my short laugh. So a lot of the advices that I've given they definitely apply as you know. However as I mentioned that you're trying to get a package deal not just one quality. So don't just look for beauty. Don't just look for money. Don't just look for an amazing wealthy family or respected family. Look at the individual that's going to play the role that you want them to play. A wife is then going to become a mother. She's going to be a daughter-in-law. She's then going to be an auntie and so on and so forth. A husband he's going to have to be somebody who assists. Somebody who can take care of the family who can pay the bills, who can drive the ship.

44:10Who can deal with troublesome issues. So that's what you need to look for. How do you find these things? You find out from third parties that know the family. You don't have to send an investigator. But you can definitely find out from cross-referencing. That's the best way to do it. That's the best way to do it. So that is how you try to figure out and have a discussion that what do you expect in this case. So in my book for example I have 50 possible questions. Do not ask all 50. Do not go there with the book and ask all 50. You're not doing an interview. And then you ask those questions in a casual manner and try to get some reassurances and some answers. The second one is that when you do have a problem, I said try to get help sooner than later. Uncle here was saying that don't ever tell your mum or dad or your brother or sister. Now what I would say is that that's not like a hard and fast room.

45:10But usually these people are biased. So they're going to pull one side or the other. I have seen though in cases where they can be neutral. You know your family better than anybody else. So whoever you can get, it has to be somebody you both respect. If you're trying to bring your father in but your husband doesn't respect your father, he's not going to work. You're wasting your time. If you're getting your brother or your uncle but your wife doesn't respect him, it's not going to work. You need to bring somebody they can both talk to. So that is that's very, very important. Okay, JazakAllah here. Now there's these questions from online. Do I have to ask my first, ya Allah? Do I have to ask my first wife for permission before I take a second halal girlfriend? Technically that's what it is in this country. It's a he's saying a second wife. It's a second wife but in this country they don't allow second wives legally.

46:11So it's just a halal girlfriend. That's what he's asking about. People have girlfriends, mistresses, haram ones. So he's asking for a halal one. That's what he's saying. The answer to the question is technically no. You don't need permission. Technically you don't need permission. Does that mean just go ahead and do something like that? Well, it's up to you. You know your spouse better than anybody else. If you think that I've not known anybody to get away with it for too long. There's only one guy in another country who travels a lot. He says they didn't find out for three years. Okay, but otherwise they're going to, it's just very sensitive. People will find out. So now you have to decide why you want to do it. And my thing is that only men can do this. Only men can do this. Like proper men. Because there's a responsibility here. They just don't get so excited like I just want to do this.

47:13And because if you're going to mess up your proper wife by doing something like that and you don't even know what's going to happen with the next one. Meaning consider it properly. That's what I'm trying to say. If you really have to do something, you want to pursue something, really consider it properly. Otherwise you're going to be just jeopardizing the whole thing. Okay, how does one navigate negative traits exert stubbornness within a marriage? You see, these kind of questions are very difficult to answer because I don't know who you're talking about. Are you talking about yourself? Are you talking about the heart now? So when you write a question, be specific. How do you deal with stubborn in a marriage? I don't know. You know, because it depends on who's stubborn. If you're talking about yourself, then I can tell you that, you know, come and listen to some Achlach lessons, think about the future of stubbornness. Where is it going to get you? I already discussed it. Maybe this question came before that discussion that you can't win every battle.

48:14You're going to be, you're going to be, what is it? Celebrating alone most of the time, if you think you can be stubborn. If it's the other person, then I think ultimately you're just going to have to try to sort it out, try to bring somebody else. I get cases, she's just so stubborn. I go tell a parents, no, she doesn't listen to a parents, tell the shape, he doesn't listen to anybody. So you're just going to have to do the best. But usually what I advise is you're going to have to do something different to try to rock the boat, to try to make the person think. If you've done the same thing over and over again, nagging never helps. If you've been doing the same thing for 10 years or to try to sort the other partner out, it's not going to work. It hasn't worked for 10 years. Why do you think it's going to work? Change the strategy. Don't ask me for the strategy. You know your spouse better than anybody else. You're going to have to come from another perspective. Sometimes if you're just too hard, it's not going to work. You might need soft power, right?

49:15You might need a bit more strictness. I don't know, it just depends. This is a counselling question exactly, but I think I've given some general answers. Any advice for youngsters who do not want or are not interested in marriage? I'd like to find out first why they're not interested in marriage. I've seen a 35-year-old as a why aren't you married? I'm not ready yet. When are you going to be? What's the issue? Do you have impotency issues? Do you have erectile dysfunction? Is that why? Or you just have no money to be able to look after? If those are the issues, okay, I can discuss that with you. But if you don't have those issues, then you're just born into some propaganda. You are doing yourself a disfavor. You need to get married and stop being selfish. Unfortunately, this is increasing. It is a new lifestyle choice, not to be married. The encouragement is that you should be married. When you get to the right age, you should be married.

50:15That age is not 35. You're going to lose the best years of your life. Then you're going to be lonely. There have been people in the past who did not want to get married, did not want to think they could just walk around, sleep around or whatever. Or they didn't want children. They get older and then they decide, you know what, I've made a big mistake in my life. This is when you're going to need your family and so on. If you've had bad experiences with your own parents separating or so on, you need to get some counselling. Go and talk to somebody and sort this out because this is not right. This is not how Allah designed us. Yes, in an exceptional case it's understandable. You have to have a good justification otherwise. For the youth, is it better to delay marriage for self-development or marry early and grow together? It's too general. What age are we talking about? What else are you going to develop? What self-development are you talking about? I need those details because I don't like giving rough answers. I like to give new on-stances. So maybe ask the question again with a bit more detail. 21, 21, I think.

51:1821, I mean, you know, 21 because people are a bit... I think 24, 25, I think probably for men probably no more than 27. Otherwise and for women's probably no more than 24, 25. I'll tell you this from lots of experiences I've had. What happens is when you're 21 or less is a 24, there's going to be lots of good women, right ideal, you know, really good women for yourself. But because you're not interested in marriage, they're all going to get picked up because good things get taken. By the time you got to 27, now you're looking for this ideal person, most of the good guys have gone. So the pool gets smaller. Your choice for your choice gets smaller. Number two, as we get older, you get more particular and more discriminating. You're willing to take less risks. It's working against you. It is working against you. So somebody just mentioned that they had a daughter and a 21, 22, she didn't want to get married.

52:23The guy knew there were a lot of good guys. But she's not interested, he didn't want to force her, didn't force her or anything. Okay, fine. Then she gets to like 23 or 24 and is like, get me married now. And he's looking for the good guys, they've all been taken. And now it's more different. It's like, you're not doing anything. You understand? So I would say when it comes, because women have an earlier expiry date than men. So called expiry date. In an appropriate kind of a, you know, I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just the way it is. But biological, psychological, cultural, there's lots of things involved in there, right? So that's what I would suggest. You need to balance it out. I would say after you're of that proper mature age, then you should not wait. If you find somebody good come along, you should, you know, as long as you've done your partner, if you've got these big career ideas, then you may be, I'm not sure how, if they're useful or not, right?

53:24So it's better to discuss that. That's a big topic. If you own, as a man of house, and your wife decides to kick you out and tries to take legal action against you, take your property, what should you do? Go to a lawyer. That's what I was saying. I mean, I'm not a lawyer. But you go to a lawyer, you're going to have to sort this out. Should you not have legal marriages and our legal marriage is even halal? Legal marriages are halal. Nothing wrong with the legal marriage. In fact, in some cases, they actually saves, especially for women. It saves them. There's a lot of fly-by-night people who might come in, you don't know their family or anything, they'll get married to you. And then they dump you and they've gone and you're stuck now. Tell me when to stop if I need to stop, right? They're going to dump you. When you're a woman, you can't get married to another husband until you get divorced. This guy's disappeared. So sometimes being legally married have this sum of issues. We don't even allow you to do a Nika if you don't do a legal marriage. And I can see some wisdom in that because it's to protect. There's several people I've talked over the years that are these secret, second, holol

54:25mistresses, wives, whatever you want to call them. And now the husband's not giving them any rights or whatever, but they can't do anything. They can't even tell anybody because they haven't even told their parents. It's not healthy to get into these weird situations. So yeah, go ask a lawyer. They'll know these things. If you earn roughly 30,000 and your wife earns disproportionately more, then you, for example, 30 million. 30,000, she does. She's a 30 million. I'd like to know this is 30 million a year, like seriously. You know, okay, let's just say a million. Does that man still need to provide for her? Okay, I think this is hypothetical. Yes, you do. As long as she's doing the, she's there for you in the house and she's doing whatever needs to be done at home with you and for you, you are still obliged to essentially get her clothing, food and shelter as a man because it's the husband's responsibility.

55:25As long as she's doing her part of the deal, right? Maybe she got a big inheritance. She's got 30 million sitting in the bank. I still have to pay for her. I don't have to pay for her from her because that's not our status. But if I get a wife who shops at Harvey Nichols and self-ridges, and then I try to take her to Primark or Azda, George, it's not going to work. Because in the Sharia, this cultural aspect here is that you have to go according to the median range between husband and wife. Essentially, if you want an elephant as a pet, you're going to have to feed it. There's some guys, they buy these five-liter engine cars and they're complaining about petrol prices. What's your problem? You want to get a five-liter engine, then you're going to need to pay for that.

56:26And yes, if this wife is like, I'm going to give you a gift, don't worry, I'll take you on holidays. Bismillah. You could take that if you want to, but I'm going to say nothing. Psychologically, this is not my research. This is mainstream research. If the wife makes more money than the husband, it has a massive impact on that marriage, a negative one. It's such a degree that it actually is set to affect the male libido. I'm saying the word libido, because I think the young guys don't understand libido. Hopefully. They probably don't. Then they understand better words in that. You understand what I'm saying? It will affect your manhood. I heard this from a psychologist. A woman called me and she said that my husband doesn't fulfill my rights. Intimacy rights.

57:28I didn't make any judgments then. I ask a few questions usually because I've had several women over the last few years say that to me. It's for different reasons. I said, I kept talking and then I said, whose house do you live in? My father bought the house. She's from a wealthy family. The guy makes a bit of money. He's been psychologically. I haven't talked to him. This event happened just after I heard about this research. Why do you might sound good that I get a very wealthy wife and she's going to, Mashallah, take me in holidays and I'm going to get a free house. I've seen this in so many places by the way. I've seen this in more than now that I think about it. The wife's father has provided the house. He's provided the car and the guy is in a very strange position because does he do sugar and say, thank you very much. Now, if the wife's got a bit of a selfishness, she's going to subordinate him and that's

58:30going to lead to real upsets. She doesn't do sugar and is not grateful. That's going to create also a dysfunction you can say, right? It's a very difficult place to be. That's why a man should be a man. And fulfil a Rijal or Qawamuna al-Nisa that men should be the responsible ones. It's a responsibility essentially. It doesn't mean a dictatorship. You can't just come on and say, do this and do that. That's not what it's about. It means that that's my responsibility. The buck stops with me and I am responsible if something goes wrong. Of course, unless I've tried my best. How does someone, okay, I'm going to go quickly. How does someone know if you're truly ready for marriage is limitlessly, emotionally and mentally? We'll have to have a chat for that. That's not something easy to explain because I want to understand why you're even doubting yourself. Marriage teaches you. Marriage teaches you its laws.

59:31Before any marriage makes you read a book on marriage, we'll take a course on marriage. Our culture is so broken now and there's so much social media influence that makes sure you read a decent book on marriage. It doesn't have to be my book, any decent book on marriage or you take a course on marriage. Whether they're online or otherwise, you get some sense of what you're getting into. Then you'll understand whether you're emotionally. If you don't read or you don't take a program on that, you're going to struggle. Also talk to some of your older friends who are married. Older brothers and cousins, others who have married, ask them how it is. Don't just listen to one person because his experience will be unique to him. He may not apply to you. Talk to about four or five people. That's what I was saying. Then you decide whether you're emotional or whether you're right or not. Yes, I'm. Interracial marriage. Interracial marriage. Interracial marriage is a big problem. Interracial marriage is don't have to, but they could create problems. Why that is is because...

1:00:31Are you sharing the course of marriage? Anything. Interracial intercultural can cause issues, but they don't have to cause issues. If you want to do an interracial intercultural marriage, you're going to have to be very flexible. The person who thinks outside the box and your family is going to have to be like that as well on board. Because otherwise, somebody is going to cause issues. Right now, we're still in the third to fourth generation. People are still very cultural here. They've just started easing up. I'm seeing many more. Alhamdulillah in my family, I've got the Indian family, but one of my cousins is Maritou Amarokhan. Another one is whose daughter is married to a Turk. Another guy, his son is married to a Belgian convert. Another one is married to a South African Malay. And probably something else as well. I can't even remember everybody. So Alhamdulillah, some families are open. Other families are not open. They'll make you an outcast or they'll just cause problems. But just from a personal level, marriage is already difficult because I'm getting to

1:01:31know the other person and their own personal peculiarities. If we're the same culture, then the demands of the culture are going to be the same. We know what they are. If there is a different culture, there's going to be different demands and demands and they're going to be more difficult for me to be flexible with. So you're going to have to be a very flexible person for that to work. I've seen many Masha'Allah intercultural, interracial marriages that are successful because not everybody does them anyway. You'd have to be of a certain mind. Eventually I think I'll give you another two generations and it'll be much more open. Because then everybody's going to be eating fish and chips. By then. Yes. When you talk about the money, it's something done with the instance. You don't want to think or button it or you start. You see what the positive thing is. The life is a condition to die.

1:02:31Masha'Allah, Allah Akbar, JazakAllah here. This question and answer feature is the best. So when I got married, I was supposed to get married at the age of 25 because I graduated at 22 and then I was going to do three years of postgraduate around the world. Then suddenly a hamdulillah something came up and we got married. My parents were shocked but they Masha'Allah flexible. And then I travelled with my wife. I got married at 22. I wish I'd done it two years earlier. That is how beautiful marriages. That amount of sokuun it gives you. Comfort it gives you. And in this hypersexualized world we're living in which is now worse than it was 20 years ago and 30 and 40 years ago. Ya Allah, it's like you should because you've got a halal way. And then what it does is the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasam said that marriage is half of your faith. I couldn't understand that first. But psychologically and spiritually makes a law sense.

1:03:32Because the desire of the stomach and the desire of the private parts. That's a very important aspect in human beings. If you've got a venue to fulfil that and also emotionally so it's not about sex only. That's not what marriage is about. That's just one of the major aspects of it. One of the aspects of it. The other one is the Mahwada and Rahmah that we talked about at the beginning. The love and affection and the mercy. And if you look at the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasam's life, one of his supports were Khadija, the Allah one in those first really important years. They were, Ya Allah, she would come home and suddenly it's like all of the issues have dissipated. Find somebody like them. You come home from all, especially if you're a very ambitious person who likes to do a lot of stuff. Marriage is amazing. As long as you get the right person and only Allah can give you that right person.

1:04:33You ask Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. That is the beauty of this. Then in that you break children in. And Subhanahu Alaihi Wasam, as you see the children grow up and yes it's difficult to bring up children. That's another topic. Then you have grandchildren, MashaAllah. And then you just enjoy them. So you put all of the effort in and then after that you just start enjoying it. That is in brief essentially. How does someone know if they're yes? It's thoughts on marriage. Sister is taking advice and influence from the unmarried. Again, very general question, but why would you take advice from a unmarried person? I don't know. I wouldn't, you know, unless they're like an expert on marriage but they're not married yet. You know what? Marriage. You have to be married to understand marriage. You have to be married. It's a whole psychological experience that you go through and a spiritual experience that you go through. So I mean I can't say yes or no in that. It's just in sound right. If there is a haram done in the relationship, what steps can we take into a halal relation

1:05:34where there will be still barakah in the marriage is repentance enough? In Shah Allah the Prophet ﷺ said that, that the one who repents from sins is like he has no sin. That is what you have to look at. However, if your partner knows that or finds out that you have done wrong, this is one of the greatest trauma causing problems. There's a special area in therapy for people whose husbands or wives have cheated on them. It is quite difficult to come out of that. You should get some counselling for that if you can't get over it. They say that they've got a special word for it. You know, there's ways of PTSD right? So it's like a PTSD because it's like the trauma and then you get hyper-vigilance because you're always suspicious and worried. Then you start imagining things. It's a very difficult place to be.

1:06:35That's why don't ever cheat. Don't ever commit haram like that. And I would say that in a husband and wife relationship, be as honest as possible and even if you've done something wrong and it's going to be found out. Because otherwise if they, if the one spouse distrusts the other, that is the worst thing you can have in a marriage. Distrust in a marriage is probably one of the biggest disasters in a marriage. Trust is very important. That's why I will, I haven't done that crazy stuff, but if I ever made a little mistake, yes, I did it wrong. You know, it's easier to say that. Would that be a ground for divorce? Would that be a ground for divorce that somebody's been unfaithful? If they've made Tobano, not technically no, not from a shudder perspective. People make mistakes. I had to convince this one guy, poor guy, his wife didn't do anything wrong. She had some problem in the past, which she hadn't said to him and you shouldn't be

1:07:38revealing your sins if you've made Tobano from them. He found out two or three years later and he just can't forgive her. I'm like, look, Allah, you don't want a lot of her give you. He goes, no, I get what you're saying, but no, I just don't want to be with her anymore. I said, hasn't she been okay for the last, you know, she's been perfect for the last one year or two years or whatever, because yes. So I said, you're going to have to learn to overcome it. It's just disastrous. That's why guys and women do not flirt with people online, like on WhatsApp and stuff. Oh, it's just the harmless coworker. I know my boundaries, they say. It just creates so much problem in the marriage. It's not worth it. It's haram anyway, but it's not even worth it because the distrust, the suspicion, paranoia, it just wrecks your marriage. Is it permissible to talk to a woman wearing the process of being engaged to during Ramadan, Ramadan, obviously sensibly as well?

1:08:39Yes, why not? As long as you do it halal way, you can talk in Ramadan, you can talk on read, you can talk in hadj, yes, of course. How do you maintain four marriages properly? I have no idea. I've never tried it. There are some books that have been written. You can check those up. I don't know. I'm saying genuine, I don't know. I know it's difficult though. I've interviewed quite a few people who've done it. Most don't end up doing it well. There's some martiala success stories and we'll have to have a special class for that. It's not for today. I have a person who I like and I'm interested in marrying. How do you make parents on board when you are still young because I don't want to wait five plus years? You need to use some soft power, go and press their legs, make something for them and try to convince them. If the parents are listening, as long as your child is old enough, like 2021, 22, whatever it is, right? Stop thinking that they're still living 20 years before.

1:09:39We're living in a hypersexualized world and you think that they can protect themselves like you did yours. You know, it's difficult now. So stop doing that. All right, brother and sisters, JazakAllah. I have about 20 lectures on marriage related issues on Zamsa Makademi. Zamsa Makademi channel on YouTube, ZAMZMakademi.com website. So we can't cover everything in this, but in inshaAllah there's anababriina children. So feel free to go there. I've got a public number on there as well. Call me at some decent time if you want to discuss something. I did this. They chose this topic but my selfish reason for doing this is that, I say selfish, communal selfish reason, is that if we can save the marriages, then we can save our community because communities are made up of individual families. And if the families are having a fine every house, then SubhanAllah, how you expect the umma to be sorted out. So this is what it is. That's why I put an investment in there and get help sooner than later.

1:10:42Keep us in your doors as well. I'll give it that one. The book is handbook of a healthy Muslim marriage. Not Muslim, Muslim marriage. Handbook of a healthy Muslim marriage. Make do on time right one and bring it up children. Shau Allah. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakah. The brown sisters, Mashallah, it's very very cold today and I'm rubbing my hands. But a very important message. Would you like a place in paradise, in general, a place with bricks of gold and silver, mortar of fragrant moths, pebbles of pearls and sapphire, soils of saffron? You may have not heard me talk like this before. For Mashallah, gardens outside the palaces will have streams flowing beneath them. The streams of general will be crystal clear water and then after that you're going to have others with milk and of honey and rivers, Mashallah. Run sisters, the Prophet, Allah, who was said, whoever builds a mustid for Allah, Allah will build for him likewise in paradise, something similar in paradise.

1:11:46White thread institute which you all know in Shahrullah desperately needs to reveal, develop the center of ours to accommodate people, students and worshippers of Allah, this area doesn't have a mustid. So, we want to give service to all sections of the community once this is built, including the wider society. We need to raise 450,000 to achieve this. We just need 4,500 special people to donate just a hundred pound each to reach Kau'a target. Run sisters, the Prophet, Allah, who said, I'm going to reiterate, whoever builds a mustid for Allah, Allah will build for him similar in paradise. What an amazing reward this is. Imagine, if you just donate a hundred pound in this world, Allah will build for you a house in paradise, not just any house, a paradise house is not any house, whatever your heart desires will be in this place. Not only this, but this project is also Sadaqa Jalli, which is a continuous charity. If you donate, then anytime somebody prays here, worships here, learns anything from

1:12:49here and prays elsewhere, you get the same reward in Shah Allah. Every person who learns a Quran reads, you will get the same reward in Shah Allah. What an amazing reward. Subhan Allah, that is waiting for you. All for just a hundred pounds. Run sisters, build your home in paradise. Donate towards this mustid. On the button below, hit the link and one more thing please. Share this video and anybody else that donates because of your sharing this video, insha'Allah, you will be rewarded as well. Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa rewadu wa jazaaqum Allah khairan.