Turning Up the Heat! w/ Ian Fidance

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We got the new merch. We got the tickets on sale. Uh-huh. Got the patreon. Uh-huh. The bad haircut and we couldn't be more

Excited they were incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest back for us again today

He's got damn family at this point. He's got a brand new series over there on YouTube that absolutely no one is talking about

But they should be at the dickhead. I'm sorry. What kind of intro is that mean that's very good up for Ian

Jonah Hill sometimes finance everybody. Thank you everybody

Thank you sathy's brother's movie. What fuck you're starting already. No, I'm not listen

Full is a little on edge because he broke his CPAP machine and he hasn't gotten a good night's sleep since the fucking ragged and

You came in that thing looks like tables wobbly. That thing looks like over head projector leaning on it. Jesus Christ

This is actually a brand new day. We the brand new table and he broke it again. Ian. Thank you for coming in. Thank you guys

Fantastic. I feel fantastic. We didn't you were an hour late and you were bitching that you didn't want to come out

That's I said I didn't you know it come out, but I didn't sleep because I got my back piece done last night

I was at the tattoo shop. Is that what you call it?

What I've got you're not gonna give me that is we're gonna do this after the cold getting come down these days

Hey, I'm into it. You know, that's how you heal the tattoo

No, I got my back piece on less. I was in the shop. How many things are gonna say back piece?

Yeah, that's what it's called. That's what it's called. Would you get a butterfly tram stain? No, it's it's it goes from my shoulders down to my ass cover

And my my whole entire back. They did they knock you off the list. No, it's right. It's why I got holy space

They said you don't have enough real estate. We're gonna wrap it up to the front. It's to scale. Yeah, it's one to one

No brand new series on you too. Everybody's excited about it. Congratulations. Thank you. It's odd guy doing odd shit eat

E and do an odd guy do an odd job. Which he loves putting his name in thing which it's it's it's good marketing

They and fully loves putting his name in things. Are you garbage?

And we're back anyway, the show is great and it's so fun to be here. It's doing well. It looks like it's doing well. It's doing great

It's part of my partner with my money. They are I heard they're out bleeding money

You got to watch you got a share if it doesn't pop up in a little bit by by funding

And dude, it's so funny because I talked about it on here sure

Yeah, and we were like oh god

Why I've been working on it for a year

I've been filming it out of pocket for a year and thank you out there to the AYG fans best fans in the world

You guys were messaging me emailing me and I got out to some jobs because of

That contacted me and I've been out and then now I have a ton of people hit me up

I just put out an episode today where I did

The people I didn't love you. I did thank you the guy in my mirror

I am gonna

I'm gonna partner up with AEW all-elite wrestling and I'm gonna go and very nice

I don't know. I don't think so. I

Anyway, I just heal to wrestling thing. I don't know. Sorry. All right. Well, you don't have to bring him up

Just because I look like a rat in a cage

Can I tell you today? It's the greatest day

It's going on the beard you're a little fluffy

It's just bitch. It's just thick. It's thicker than usual

I've been debating if I should trim it down and I'm worried about doing heavy

You look very young Spielberg. I'm saying I'm not that's rich

What what you called me heavy

I said heavier. I didn't say you're a little heavy. He's probably skinnier than you now. Are you what are you way one?

This is a fat suit 71. What are you way? What the fuck is this?

I like to go fine. That's good. Yeah, I know how much of you lost

What the fuck I don't we were I thought we were saying back in it. What do you way I wait 370? Yeah, well you lay you weigh 205

And but you're not counting that 370 tumor

Mine grew hair and teeth. Well, just air actually if you zoom in there's no teeth. They say oh Ian's look like you got dressed in his

Fuck yeah, I

I got a boss. I got that shirt. I gotta I was

A wire boss and hardcore all day. They're great. You should check them out fantastic. I did in

You dress like a homeless guy getting a job interview. Well, why do you think I'm here?

I'm literally looking for jobs. Anybody have a collar shirt. I can you look you look like a you look like a brilliant homeless guy

That's about that beat me in chess. I don't have to turn MIT on a tent. I know I look like I play like the violet on the street

And then you know, I get to the actual concert. I'm just yelling slurs

I

Have to wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt and have it breathed because my back is covered in bandage

Fuck his hat. Jesus get the CPAP

By the way, he's he's on the phone like a like a fucking auctioneer trying to negotiate a CPAP

940

900 is not a lot of money for the machine that keeps you alive

That's crazy

You spent that a lot you spent that alone on cold cuts

Yeah, I know well, the thing keeps breaking because it's out of water. He's putting grease in it

My deep fry is broken

You're on the phone with Friday daddy. I heard the guy go mr. Foley. It's not an air fryer

Ruined my chicken wings

I'm not losing any weight. I got to have breathable clothes because of my back

So college what are you talking about? It's a it's a large college. Where'd you get the where'd you get the college shirt?

You think that's that's I have a ton of college shirts in the summertime. You know when I drove a cab in the 1970

Nobody reacts like you know

I'm not accusing you of not having college shirts. Please that college shirt. Please is very outdated. Please

Yes, in the summers. I took a shirt off the back and it's covered in bandages because I was gonna

I was gonna shower this morning and come already to show

But I slept through my alarm because I was up all night in pain

Going to the bathroom because I need to be full of fluids to keep my skin breathing

So whole process shout out Tony Kaplan R&D tattoo

The best the only deal to give you the deal obviously. Yeah, look at you, huh?

There's no CPAP machine, but he cooked me out

I'll get it. You wouldn't be shouting them out if he didn't no, no, I shout them

Well, yeah, they give me they give me no, I've been going to the shop for like five years

So I'm all buds with them. Yeah, I know they know I'm like I'm the tumor

And I know they're great. They do great work. They're the best shop in town

They're better than everyone else reasonable prices fantastic work

Ridgewood Queens

Yes, go out see him and tell him your old belly incense. Yeah, now check it out. Oh

What should we say?

Holy shit. Yeah, dude. I better be henna looks like the red dragon four and a half hours

Lady would have said a canes on it. I know I had to make them make her boobs less big

But you see it's the grim reaper holding a woman because that's is always on my back

And women will be the death of me

What talk about a guy looking for an identity. That's crazy. What are you talking about? I've been wanting a cool story

I've been wanting a back piece forever back piece count it. I'm covered in tattoos from the front lot

Are you gonna get that colored in or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a process four and a half hours

I pass out of the end fainted just so did he all that got that conversation part of the show

No, I I watch the movie and face times and stuff. Yeah, look

Is that great? Yeah, he'll buck crack. Thanks. I know

Open for business. Yes, yes

And then and then underneath the the smoke they're gonna put exit only

Is that true? I'm off guys. All right, and I don't bottom. Okay. I don't I do

Hey, what a good time

Can I tell you I finally ate she crab soup. I thought you nice fucking amazing amazing. We're incredible

Uh grand central

Newer. Yeah, grandfather oyster bar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go over there. I want on a date. It was nice

We went to the whispering tunnel and then we also was but all went to

Ha, uh

Ha give it back. You guys think

You can already look away, but not the timing. Let's go speaking of things that you have and you

There, whatever this remember I bought you a cursive. Skip now. What do you have to show us here?

Ah, I bought you this is some of your skin. I'm gonna be upset

Finally it finally arrived. It's my being did you use for my back piece and this is what I got for KJ

It's a oh was a gift for the baby. Chappy rap. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Okay. Your coffee has a hair in it by the way. I visibly see that

Yeah, see it says that's so cute the least colors and it says what? I don't know when I open it up

It says little little prince of garbage. Oh, that's very nice and I can't go empty handed for the big man

No shit

I got you something and Ridgewood tattoos. Yes. I got you a gift number five for a back piece

For you with the cat. That's very nice. So then when the cat's not around you can look at a picture

Thanks, that was in here. He packaged this up. That was at your house. Yeah, I was for sure

It's a really nice. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Mm-hmm sweatshirt sweat pants bad idea sweating already

You're like breathable but here you show up looking like you're cut and wait for a rest

Take you take your shot. You're the one call me heavy. I said you take your shirt. I said you'll look at it

I don't want you to have the whole episode

Take your pants off. I'll tell you

No, I'm trying to wear breathable clothing. So I don't have to wait. There's nothing about that that's

You have multiple layers. It's loose. It's loose. Yeah, but it's that it does not really

You guys fiber the fabric fucking heat on you know anything about fashions. Are you that rich? You just run the heat first of all fully

Went back to blue belt came on with it with this summer collection on dude that thing that shirt

Yeah, we're just get back from surfing camp. Yeah, that's yeah, it's got cabana wear right now. Is this is this is 2019?

George no, that's an 89 Caldor

Barely yeah, this is from the neon tent collection

They don't

Two people are to put it on me. You gonna be hot. Yeah, I might take off a little bit

It's all right pop the top off. Um, I need to well

I don't know why you guys run the heat so hot here. We don't wrestle. It's fucking New York City

What do you fucking read? This is crazy? This is your heat radio years ago. It was in December

It wasn't cut off it broke really. Yeah, I got

How many letters did the city guy got into milk the couple with the landlord with the landlord's boyfriend who's a maintenance guy who we got into it

You've been living there for like 20 years. I know. Why do you think my rent is it's called squad is right

Yeah, you get you know you you know you're there for a month. He got mail sent to you. It's yours

Yeah, no, he's quoting some wall from 1432

Actually in the Providence of New Amsterdam

You let your head is

Promise to me

You know, quoting Vicus Gordon Wood

All right, I wish that joke would have worked. It should have you guys suck today. I know we don't

Yeah, you stepped on my red dragon joke

Now try it over there was doing my seat pack. Why is it heat so hot in here though for real?

It's like I might have to crack it door

It is a look

It is crazy also all that ink could be fucking softening into your brain and you could be having a

I'm getting it's not good to do listen by the way

Tattoo flew. Yeah, you can get tattoo flew like it after you get a back piece a couple of days after you get a big tattoo

You don't sick

You zip it for a second. Can you tell me what is the heat on currently? Listen, I guarantee it's like

70 said it. It's a radiator in

1918 there was a huge Spanish flu and they cranked the heat and you don't know control over it

Yeah, that's why the heat so hot why yes because of the Spanish flu

Yes, why Google were cold table man ask as Google if if he if radiators in New York run hot because of the Spanish flu

And if that's the case, I will suck your dick on camera

Yeah

Google if you can come pick up in

And if you need to give more teeth put in on the bottom

Looks like there's an earthquake in a graveyard. Holy shit

earthquake in a graveyard. That's pretty good. Henry Foley on the board. Yeah, it's too specific for that to be wrong

All right, whip it out

You also probably knew that you probably told him last week

Check the receipts. Hey, if your CP has broken out blow you right now. I don't do guys no more

If you're dressed like a fat X-ron in 1990s Disney movie about surfing. I'll blow you

You can't serve the big tune

My guy that hangs it on the beach. It doesn't serve any if you're waiting for a callback on a remake of heavyweights. I'll blow you

Stop being a dick bench stiller

I mean that is a I mean

It is a wild color choice for a 50-year-old man. That's all are you 50?

No, just have my birthday when last week last week. That's a birthday gift

Happy birthday

Look at all the bad choices

Did we talk to what we talked about on patreon we went out to dinner dude his birthday party sucked

What happened? It was me him new guy Luke marked the shark the new editor was a fucking work party

Ruben off in Cassidy those are my friends where the fuck was my fault when you didn't answer when was this last year?

What I called you twice and you didn't I've always called you back. Yeah, like five days later because I'm busy

Stealing

So it was a it was a work party not a work party

He's not a social butterfly

Can I tell you moments like that is so sad? I got arrested and my call was for the seller to tell them I couldn't make my spot because I can't make my

145 in but I still need the $50 pay and I'll be by the pick of my way

Shut up and laugh at that. That was the funniest thing you've ever heard

Who else is gonna who else am I gonna call cats can't pick up a phone

Man I am surrounded by the way you just the conics unleashed I did thank you Byron somebody should have put you back on a leash

You think thank you

Dude what was your what was your lead in I heard one of you did a cat story. Yeah, I talked about cats

I talked about being single I

Do you know let me pull this it was fucked up because we sat down and they told me how do you spell Ian? I was going like third and he starts a show

What he looks at me and he calls me

Well, dude, I made a joke you want a DL? I made a joke. I was like I think I said like I'm I'm bisexual when you look like me

The crowd was like the crowd was like I am by I was like pause

No

Freaking

Whatever you want to get you clean it up on I tried to say and 57 I tried to shake his hand

He wasn't I was like Jesus Christ. I've been test

He gives you not playboy. Yeah

That's a wash. He didn't fill it up

Hold on let's watch it. Hold up. You drink out of this anyway, right?

Greg Morton

In finance. I'm really trying to

I jumped up in the air and did the WWF suckets and they added it on the show Ian finance in no way affiliated

NBC production

That's funny. What's a what's a gig like that pay?

Can I don't comics on Lee? She got Bengali Blakemore and Ian finance and Vanessa Gratic nice. What's what's a gig like that pay?

Not enough

For being the richest for being the richest man in the world. Sure. He is now owns the weather channel. Well. He kills it. That'd be a Jewish guy anymore. Okay

Wow getting brave

Getting bold

Ian you're not bottom

No, well I do bottom from the top byron and what that means is I show bad

I gotta feed the fish real quick. Oh dude that was that was the first show. Okay, man. You can tell me what he was like

He was like he was like you're from New York and I go I am and he was just hanging up on them

D.P. in him as they say

What is up with you? I don't know. Oh my god. He's got the fucking school yard bully vibes with that hat pack

Yeah, whatever really my god, your mom last night. Do you have to get out of here because you have fifth grade picture day after this?

I don't want to miss the Texas Tommy's at lunch. There's still some nerd's lunch money. Ian

By the way, give me give me everything. Yeah

Cover up the bottom teeth

You're looking at acidic Jew and hiding. Well, that's why I'm late. I had to crawl out of the tunnel

Bad for me bad for me and we'll be back next week everybody

Byron come on now gang. Let's talk about aura frames

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Gang this episode is sponsored by better help as you know Kevin and I have started and continue our mental health journey

It's a thing that's never over to think that's never over talk therapy helps

Better help is an absolute fantastic place to start. We love better help if you're if you got a big problem

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Slash garbage that's better help at chlp.com slash garbage do it

What was your joke about the fish tank? Oh, it was like yeah, I'm from New York and I actually is fish

Shacks making me miss home. It's bigger than my apartment. The crowd was like no, what was the joke?

Who's the crowd? No, fuck you the crowd you're not the fish tank the crowd is paid audience members

They've been there since like one

They just broke my fucker off the state

Boo-koo money boo-koo money. Is it that Los Angeles?

Yeah, no Sherman Oaks. Yeah, Sherman Oaks

Yeah, so what's the crowd in the studio? Are they largely

African-American? Why would that be only?

More of an African-American show I would say right? I think that's fair to say

Yeah, I don't think that's crazy. Yeah, no, it's not I support the culture. It's got a black hose

It doesn't mean it's an African. Well great. More of his African-American. Oh the girls the girls African-American statistically there's so

I'm the minority and they got the weird-all white guy to round that

Dude can I tell you I was in the makeup chair. Oh my god. I was in the makeup chair and they were for black

They were like four

Come on child. She's got a hot comb in his hair. Cover me. Yeah, why don't you got a color in my complexion?

So we were in the makeup chair. We're in the back that it was running so late two hours late. I'm the last episode

You're right. It is an African-American job

Dude this woman on camera went off script and Byron goes and she's like this

Comic from Atlanta and he goes off script and he goes so I you have you have a interesting family and she goes Byron

My brother is gay and we think he has aides

Everyone's like what and the producer dropped her clipboard runs out and then the woman comes back after the show

She goes oh my god. I think I blacked out. I just started talking. It was like oh, you mean the aides thing? She was like the aides thing

I'm like Jesus. What's your other number by any chance?

You know I get tested and I'm clean. What's the matter this table pushing forward?

Holy was right about the table

Why don't you dip into the CPAP fun and get a fucking fix on the table?

Well, I mean fucking you're lined up like you're fucking doing the push push

Yeah, but also do you really think the tables are not gonna wobble when you're putting 500 pounds on it every time you lean over and laugh?

Who that was mean first of all I don't think he's laughed yet at anything you said

We're good. Yeah

You know, we keep it. I

Let me see if a sausage is made. You guys got sausages

What it pulls it out of his butt? Have you ever been the Kings?

Who are you by run out?

That was a crazy segue. I'm trying to bring us back. I know. That's where we went to dinner. We went to dinner

King's that's where we live. No fucking foley's bad birthday party. Why was it so bad?

Look like Dave just has birthday party or something. He's just like a bunch of old. I've been to one of those

I know it was a bunch of old washed fucking comics dude. So what why why was it bad really really you get out of here?

I'm not drinking. I know I'm proud of you. So these guys won't really now

Can I can I tell you bad move knowing that you're with a guy who's teetering on the edge?

I'll fucking drink right now. Do you think I'll show you? I've got a problem

Bad move drinking around them. No, it's not I think in early sobriety. I don't want that. I know

I don't enjoy themselves that makes me I know I want these guys to get fucked up. I know I know but in early sobriety

It I'd cool it on the drinks around the guy for a minute. Okay. No, let's see. I know I told you without without making you feel as if you were like the odd man

Just nobody just nobody order a drink and then afterwards maybe get a maybe get a drink at the end and so not us

We drink Ben and why was a vibe bad because they weren't drinking enough. No, no

No, there'd be four left. He's like, don't do that thing. We're gonna fucking drink it because I'm not drinking

I'm like, all right, man. And like also I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna grab. I listen. He's yelling at me to drink

I'm gonna usually suck sound about 12 manattons every dinner. He's nursing one to dessert gets there. I had one

And he was we he's we used weird. I wasn't really was he going like drink drink. Yeah, don't put the guy

Don't don't not drink and then someone or a day don't not drink because of me

But I'm gonna make it all about me by telling you to drink. I said it once

This is why he was twice three times of the folly

I really wish I'd been invited. Oh, yeah

Did you guys run a show together? No, I was never a big fan of Ian

Well, I found his comedy a little pedestrian

Well, I found you to be a bit pendentic myself

I

You did you and I did did we have something with Paul Goodman and ran Nochay together. I am not with him

No, you weren't I wasn't I never he had me like emcee Nochay and then like me. You final did something

It's some like lounge show once. I don't recall that I would black me out too

I would I would forget looking like the lion

No, I wish I'd have been there. Did you invite me or is this a little folly?

You don't wish you don't wish you were

Going up Byron Allen next week. Hey, what is keeping all you losers in the dust? What's Keens?

It's a steakhouse. I did stay say I said Keen steakhouse that you went no. I didn't someone said

I yeah, I really was you why don't you get a change of birthday with these vibes you got go

I tell you something palace. I didn't have a birthday party this year either

How old did you turn 41? Yeah, you shouldn't

I don't want last year. Yeah, 40. Yeah, my buddy. I don't want to have one buddy also for me

We're through me in birthday party to bowling alley. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it was great. We weren't invited to that

It was up in Providence. Oh, well, Providence because we were playing poor guys only because we were playing um

Comedy connection then this year I actually this year I was going to have a hot dog at

New York system act like you don't know the name of the place. Oh, only only New York system

I believe it's called no great hot dog in Providence. Yeah, they also have coffee milk. I told you about coffee milk

It's it's like Hershey sir, but it's coffee you get that and you get the

Couple dogs with chili and onion and mustard. This is the most locked in. I've seen you all I've seen right now

I'll tell you I got you to sheet crap soup to make dick dude. That was incredible. It's amazing. How was the date? I great. I

Thank you, banger. Oh, buddy. No

It will happen

We I said it was she crap soup and she said she was she crap squirt

Classy broad. Yeah, what what trucks that you picked this lady up at? Uh Molly Pritchard

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

God defer on me, MJ turnt by me. This guy knows the truck stops me a little bit of a lot.

If you put her right back on the line down and rail road after dinner, woo, woo, she put her hat back on you can't

Don't worry. I gonna get out of here, right?

Smax him on the is alright. I'll see you later. Can we kiss? No

Yeah, no, it's great. It was awesome. Um, she crap soup amazing, but uh

You pay the dinner. Come on.

We split it.

We ran on the check. My heat's broken.

No, we got to cut your train.

And we just left.

No, of course I did.

What do you do? Oh, and then it was so nice,

dude, we walked down to the subway.

And it was right after a snowstorm.

And there were, you know those puddles

that look like ice and you'll

step in them sometimes.

We were on the other side of the street

ripping sigs, making bats on who would step in the bar or not.

You and Harry go have some soup at a train station.

Go out and smoke sigs.

Yeah.

I kind of get this.

This is homeless as you get.

I love you, babe.

And then laugh at people stepping in puddles

from across the street.

Is a New York date?

What do you want?

You know, I'm a class, class, classy, classic guy.

We robbed a soft pretzel guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

To a hot car vendor down the stairs.

Hey, Bugs, we're a hot dog.

Suck my dick.

Ah, he pushed his cart down the street.

Mm-hmm.

And last, when he chased us, it was great.

It was really fun.

Well, that's good.

We've got your friend in love again.

Ah, well, I don't know.

Saying that, you know.

What kind of sigs did she smoke?

Mine, won't be red.

Oh, she didn't have her own.

Did you like the sig for?

Of course.

You like yours, hand it to her, then you do yours.

That was the classiest.

That's the move.

That's the move.

That's the move.

Takes a bunch of hits off his face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me just make sure it's lit.

Hold on, hold on.

Let me just even out there's cherry for you.

Is there poison in it?

I'm going to taste it.

I'm going to be kills on this.

Kills on this.

Let's call that the episode to people that we didn't buy.

Well, we did.

Now, now, I might, the whole point.

What are you doing here now?

It's a zip.

I don't know, but I'm not going to like it.

It's a Zipix.

It's a nicotine toothpick that's helping me cut back a cigarette.

But they won't fucking sponsor me.

That is the dirt bat, the most trashy thing ever.

Try it.

No.

Dude, they won't sponsor me.

I'm taking a wet toothpick from you.

Fucking nuts.

We're not sharing it.

Your figures have been in my pocket for seven years.

Seven years it looks like.

No, try it.

There's nothing.

No, my stepdad used to do nicoderm.

Anybody that ever dabbled with nicoderms, get the fuck out of here.

What is the matter?

I don't like nicoderms.

Hey, let me go back to my original point.

I didn't have a birthday party this year.

You had a shit one.

Let's combine, redo, folian, birthday party.

Let's take you to dinner.

Let's go.

Let's go.

It's Gene Steakhouse, and maybe pay my bill.

Let's go.

What?

Lugers.

You guys pay.

Big.

Eat.

Leave.

Bug you to hang out.

Let's go.

Can I do the show again?

Can I do the show again?

Can you do my show?

We can go bowling.

I don't want to do dinner anymore.

I don't want to do your show again.

Let's do it.

Dude, you know what would be fun if we won.

If we won Roller Scaining.

I will go.

I'll go.

I don't know.

I for sure the best.

Dude, what if we won't do medieval times?

Nah.

That would be a fun birthday.

What?

And film it for Ian's new show.

We tried that.

Then all the people paid for it.

They don't allow productions

they're owned by a huge corporation.

They don't, tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt,

Tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt,

Cable Guy.

Now, let me tell you this.

I think we really should have a joint this is your shy love off interview

Shit happens shit happens. Are you in a gang? Ian? Yes, we'll call be his city

Check out the five o'clock news. That was awesome. Yeah. Oh Andrew. He's the best interviewer

I think he's fantastic. Yeah, it's really good. I'd love to get him on the pod. I wish you I wish he was here

Yeah

You hear what I said folks don't listen to me and you're fantastic. I'm not thanks happy for you

You found love you got your you got your thing you had some soup you got your tattoo going

You got all those teeth all right

Teeth are here a borrow a couple of

You put his bottoms on your top. They're not renaissance

I'm gonna take this off sweating. Well, we should really have uh, uh, uh, we should have a friend's dinner. Yes

Yes, we should do it one day when I'm out of town

We should

That changes the whole look

Yeah, you look easier. Look at a young Jeffrey. Do I look like a vampire who's also an accountant

It looked like a comic whose bomb it

Dude, you are covered in sweat. There's no way any of that. That's all polyester. You got going on

Oh

We're gonna need a bigger mic

Holy shit dude, man, that's the flux capacitor coming pal. I have a different shirt and you are nine different people

It's crazy

You really are nine different people nine lives like a cat

It's a picture of him. I'm bad. I say up

He gets good

Talk about ring around the collar

Mm-hmm. I think well, that's like the shirt the janitors used to wear

This is my summer shirt. Will you finger-paint in an hour ago?

Take it easy, Miss lippy

Miss lippy

Billy Madison

Never saw the film. No, it's crazy. He was 32 when he came out

I just want to touch the honey. Oh

You've seen it. I know it

What

The blockbuster line. How do you know? Look at how sweaty you are also a collared shirt with sweatpants and a pair of tints

Is a wild joy

If you're taking the shirt off, let's see the back. There's a lot man

Oh my god Ian has a trash bag on his back

Now wonder why you're sweating. You said it was all bandaged up. What the hell is that dude? Look at that ass

He's got to that is a wedgie

Haha

What the wed salad

Actually, I'm looking at that keens. Do you have your tits done?

No, it's a tape under the

Looks like you got a misectomy

You can't come back in your office. You're a chamber. Get over here. You come back in. Come back in. Ian, we're not over here

We're not going to air this episode unless you get back in

I'm going to be an editman tiddle in the 13th

Ah

That's a wild pair of sweatpants. You look like a chola. I bought them at a Mexican shop. Yeah, I'm pretty good

Tell co you look at you look at you just got out of prison now take the hat off

I just want to see how many do like mr. Potato head now put the glasses on your head watch how full you want to try to eat you

Put the glasses on your head. No, what does it matter with you? I want to see how many different

You can put the teeth in your mouth, right? What the hell do you want? Now Ian put your nose where your ears are

I

Let me put my dick where your mouth is

Can be

Friend lunch when are you free? Never okay. I tell you what lunch. I like yes. I want to start shift

I'm 50 years old goddamn it. I can't be doing these dinner. Can I tell you? I do like breakfast lunch with friends

And it's so nice you catch up. You have you never invited us. You're complaining. You're my neighborhood. They're my neighborhood friends. Go with fucking haystack

Fucking slippery peep. I'm talking to haystacks cow hoon over here. Look it up. It is a good reference

Now let me

Haystacks cow hoon let's see it. This is this is gonna

Holy shit

That's dead on viewers at home. Oh, I mean they just saw it if they're watching

After you see haystacks cow hoon go over to Spotify check out Ian doing our guy doing our job for on Spotify video

It's not a podcast. It's an old school TV show. It's the only TV show on Spotify video

That's something to hang your hat on I'm not sure if it is it's the only TV show that's not on TV

It's actually on an audio medium

Well, now that you put it that way, fuck it. You're gonna radio show by mail. What are you talking

Hello, my darling you gotta wait three weeks. I know I made it

You got me and that got you

Hey playboy. He's not so much of a freak after all, okay? Give me in a big round of applause

Baby blues luncheon at when great Greek luncheon at spot in my neighborhood

And the I'm not going at the JF play to get it. I mean it's some fucking V&M's coffee shop. They were looking at me like I was fucking

Colonel Kurtz from that popular movie man

No, cuz I thought they could cut for the pig

I should have won with it. They you got me that one

Also to push back we like that place a lot. Yeah, we do it. Yeah, it was really good very V&M

Me and him go

What's the spot in your neighborhood? I'll go to you come to man hat in New York City

Let's go where man hat and where's the good lunch brunch spot in Manhattan mid-dead go to the Smith

That's

All right, I'll get my other friends to go and have a couple of cocktail

I have a couple coffee with you guys and go party with the real that's what I like

We should really do that that would be fun. I don't drink around could you mark the charge schedule

Drink around me. Yeah, cuz you're you're fiendin. I'm not fiendin for anything

Guy and a salmon shirt what he nuts is cocaine water you are fiendin for the past with that shirt, buddy. Holy shit

I am

You look like the first get out get the dutch ball get the Delorean McFly

Yeah, take the back that joke. I just made take me back to seven seconds ago

Ha

Give me back, huh your nerds?

I feel like somebody gave me a beer. I feel like the first get out and kickball

First out less picked less picked first out anyway, where's the Delorean spit take for me

I thought about it, but it would have just ran out of it. It would have been too much all it would have been too constant

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Yeah, gang. We got a brand new Merch alert and we've kicked it up a notch, baby

Hatchy-matchy. Kippy show them. We got hats boom hidden with the AYG AYG hat quality

We got a classic Bernie's dad hat. We got comfort colors tease upgraded to tease heavy weight

T's for heavy white boys. We got Uncle Henry's men's wear. We got Kippy's racing t-shirt

Kippy's racing t's we got the

Bass pro shop knockoff no big deal. I ain't that we got the palm breakfast spot

Look at that and then son backs gang and then get it for St. Paddy's day limited run kiss me

I'm trash shirt give it to it. Give it to a classy brod near you. That's real as you are you garbage dot com

Now see you're feeling hot too. I'm telling you

Yeah, it's hot. I can play. That is a good hairline. What are you gonna do with that?

Huh? What are you gonna do with that? Why is it so long? What? You growing it out for a roll or something?

Yeah, but no bread. Oh fuck

No growing up for more of a croissant

Cream cheese now. Do you like sesame bagels? No, I like salt bagels. I was joking

Like salt bagel French toast bagel banger

Had it yesterday before I

Stayed in a day. I was asking what I ate yesterday because I couldn't remember I kept going

What I ate today? You know what I hate today? What I mean? How the fuck am I supposed to know you a

I then I fainted my eyes open

Well, man. Did you get some orange juice orange juice is good for

No, I was drinking Marnelly's. I was I was eating bananas sugar

It dude the whole process was a breeze. I have nothing green stuck on a medical emergency around

Well, you know, it's funny because I was telling a story about

More ironic

More of a quip more of a story no one's here, but I know when I was a carpenter I pass out at work

And I was talking about it while getting tattooed and then I fucking fainted again, which is so weird

Talked it into exist. I talked it into existed. Now tell yourself. You're funny. I don't know about big booty latinas

Uh, no, I I dude when I was a carpenter. I made a bet this guy bet me 20 bucks. I wouldn't eat a slug

So I bet it in half. I spit it out

Thank god because if I ate it I would have went to a coma and died because I would have gotten rat long

Happened to a kid in Australia. What's rat lung rat lung? Wait, say that I'm looking at it

I'm gonna switch the earth. I checked out. What what happened rat when I was a carpenter

I made a bet for 20 bucks this guy bet me I wouldn't eat a slug. So I was like jack is construction company

Hi, I'm Ian Knoxville. Hi, I'm Ian Wilmington

I'm gonna frame a basement and eat a slug

So we didn't go through your panty drawer

So I did you support on homeowners underwear and come down

Make my coworker's laugh

He put the tool belt back on. Yeah, he knew I won six

Byron, let me tell you you ever hear the man John I'm missing

So I bet this guy bet me 20 bucks. I wouldn't eat a slug

He's been telling this fucking story

If I had to hear me the slug one more time. I'm gonna fucking eat one my ass. I didn't eat it

I bet in and have spit it out. Uh-huh. Thank god. Thank god because they have so many toxins and parasites

It would have killed me. You could get a thing called rat lung rat lung. Yeah, the remix rat lung say it fully said

Uh, dude this this kid me this kid in Australia went into a fucking coma for like 426 days

And then fucking was paralyzed and then died

I spitted out the next day exactly from eating every slug. He ate one slug

I bet I fact check look it up

It slugs that eat the poop of rats and the rats have to eat mollocks

So you have to be in like a that's like two slugs. Well, you know, that's a slug that's got to eat rat shit

That a rat was eating mussels. Yeah, fully is hungry again

Now they have those at Keen's check the menu. We're gonna get that for lunch. Somebody's rat mussels

Extra slugs for me, please

Um, wait, is an escargo slug. Yeah, snail in the family. It's all right. I like it. It's good. Oh, dude

I've only had that for Ian do I was an oyster farmer in poor things

Ian do sounds like a bad fruit

Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. I was important name and I

I was at a show Ian do in odd guy doing odd jobs

Ian do when I was little what he just called Ian doing odd stuff or Ian does yeah

When I was when I was little and I wanted to do something and bring it back to development

I

Like a chop in my partnership with why I'm age I've retained a hundred percent creative control

So no, I will not be going back to develop

Um, I didn't we buy it how long

How long I'm gonna buy it in shelf and like let's move this

South of Byron Allen

I'm beyond a network gay guy does gay shit

Coming this fall

Cracker A's motherfucker doing dumb shit

Yeah, come on fat Joe lean back

It's all you it is all you the tables lean in that way you are a fat man who leans a lot

And we are seeing the results look at that table

Yeah, okay, so I passed out 24 hours later that story does not end well if you let me finish it and it five minutes ago

Did the slug make it the slug unfortunately

He died

He uh yeah now it was bad idea, but thank God I could have died I could have died and you wouldn't you wouldn't have been here could have died

What if I did die and all of this is but a dream to give me this really should hit me

Shut up Luke

Maybe get the shark to take your job

Normally, I like that

Luke catching that

He's Jewish guy's got my

You're hired to come on

Ian one of the things

We've talked about recently and we've been talking to guests and you know, you're you know

wacky guy

Cookie guy what is one of the things that you might do it doesn't have to be expensive or anything

But that makes you feel classy and like rich and you're like oh when I do the like it could be valet in your car

It could be like you have a nice robe or when I go to the store I buy multiple things of

Paper towel just to halloween sheet crab soup. Yeah smoking a cigarette in bed

Wow makes you feel rich makes me feel alive like a real adult or putting a little bow tie on my cat and sharing a meal

I gotta give them both of them

I gotta push back. I think on both of them the laying in bed having a cigarette. I can see an ash tray in your chest

You got some tunes on the windows open the rich guys are doing it. Yeah, I'm a different type of rich where I'm not

Okay

I'm getting there now listen to my TV show

See me on the road. He invited Stockholm. I'm going everywhere. I'm booked up until 2027

Don't underestimate me

2027 yeah, I feel good to underestimate you

I

Couple guys

I'm really great but I'm in the conversation for some reason where you booked until 2027 I don't know the respect of my peers for seven

I have the respect but nobody seems to you're both on through 2027

Yeah, that's great. Yeah, yeah, good agent. Yeah, shout out CAA match ults. You're the fucking man bro

Yeah, yeah, no dude the road's been fucking great. I've been loving it. I've been selling better and better and better

And I'm really really enjoying every set I do is different. It's very like

Improving and I find a lot of the spoken word

That's always that's always the mark of a guy's spiral. Oh, yeah

No, it's great. You're you're having the you're answering questions. No one is yeah

We're moving more and more tickets. I saw more t-shirts more and more people are coming out. That's a great question

CAA says thrilled. There's no we've been working on manifesting

You're not gonna see

I'm just spelling letters. You don't know match ults. No, no, no. No my agents at alemeno are really good

Elemeno I'm just making stuff out now improv heavy. Ian fight inside

No two sets of the same. I'm improv. He's heavy

You got to see this guy

The three of us should tour that would be fucking incredible

It'd be like gangbusters dude if we did if we did a fucking bus tour and fucking filmed it and then I you mean the special we already really if we did it really

No, dude if we did an episode of Ian do what that would be you know, I'm doing an episode of production now

Yeah, I film all the time we got so many episodes bang

I film all the time. I got the guy here my job today is podcaster

No, I'm doing an episode of subway takes and I'm doing subway take my job and I'm gonna interview Kareem and then interview a couple other people

Yeah, it's dude. I'm having so much fun with it. I'm feeling the guy show yeah a little bit

And that guy just got five days

Woo you got five. Yeah, that's you show up and just take so much job doing it from customers

Let me tell you right now. Do you know how it would go down like gangbusters a bus tour me following in an RV

How did it make okay with that? I just like the sound of that better dude. What if we did what you did behind activities and camping

That would be fun

Why don't we go skiing you guys like skiing the activities are of a section

Killington stow up in Vermont. I like those places my classes went there when I was a kid

We never went. I grew up. I grew up snowboarding, but I'm a ski guy

I took myself on a one-man solo ski trip shout out Keystone in Denver

Amazing I ran into ski and ski out air B&B incredible

Fucking so much fun up on the mount for the cat. I got oh god. I would love it

I kind of want to get a new cat make him a travel cat

But then my other cats would be upset that I bring him around and they'd be jealous

Yeah, I wonder how it's gonna go over on the board meeting

He'd be voted off as like an edit crazy

That'd be a power struggle within the within the condominium. You're not a pet guy. I have a dog

Yeah, I just don't dream about taking him skiing with all those say rare

I'm

He's a wacky guy. Yeah, I'm an odd guy doing on jobs. That's what it is

All right, let's get started. What do you say get started? What have we not been recording? Jesus Christ

You guys are white coats coming to you

They got that net the dog net

Oh my job today is at the hospital

I'm gonna act like what it is to be on the page is yes. Yes, it is

Now what can they find the show?

youtube.com slash eam finance comedy. It's on my youtube page. Why am H's youtube page Spotify video?

You only video on spotifier. Yeah, the only TV show on Spotify. How many how many uh

Ian do the math who comes up Ian do Ian finance. There you go. Ian do show. Yeah

That's a black guy. There you go right here. Oh, yeah

Terry blacks. Terry black shit. Okay. Did you go to Terry blacks? Yeah, I was a pit boss a Terry black. No shit

And then hit boss. Yeah, so I learned how to smoke the meats and then I went I got adopted by an Australian family

And then I did I did uh, I was head of security at the comedy mothership. Whoa

Yeah, so I I wore head to toe tactical gear and I had like a whip and an American flag with a spear on it

To protect free speech, you know, I was like a joke because everyone thinks that they're all like marines there

It was great. It was so fun. I did a thing where I acted like I was lost in the mothership like Blair Witch style

You know, it was very fun very nice. Mm-hmm. Don't lie to me. I'm serious. I'm trying to plug your show here. Thanks

I'd guide doing our jobs episode three big guns tattoos

Yeah, I got my tattoo license in Wisconsin

Yeah, you get license to do that 65 bucks in an hour boom license tattoo artist

I tattooed that S symbol the stucy symbol, you know, and this guy's leg turn up pretty good

I'm uh, okay, say so myself. We got good. But yeah, yeah, I oyster-formed in Maine

John's River oysters. It was amazing. Just pop them out of the water. Chuck them. Eat them. Incredible. Okay, amazing. Okay. Yeah, that's good

You mean sell it more? No, no, no, you're good. It's good. Check it out, Kang

Maybe if I say a couple of words, I was people like you did battle you did battle bots. Yeah, they opened up the arena to me canine training got tackled by

German shepherds sauce pizza saucy Sicilian shout out. They watched the show. That's how I got hooked up with it

They contacted me

Saucy Sicilian. I'm Oklahoma City. Saucy sister. You're Sicilian pizzas. Yeah, really good. My favorite really good. I want to make your guy like Sicilian now

Pizza 50 50 years that diet decaf diet root bear

Sillion

Playing cheese. Are you telling us or are you telling yourself telling myself? No, he does diet root beer Sicilian and

What is better about Sicilian 8th grade or 13th? Sicilian. Oh, oh, okay. All right, so your tastes are changing

It's more than it's more of an older elder statesmen and you know what I love now. I love good and plenty's

One of those huge good and plenty guy. It's that name of black comic affiliate

Kills

It's licorice you never have good and plenty's. No really you're an old soul surprise. Yeah, a little good and plenty's it's black licorice with a little candy coating

Candy-candy I try to say with candy

Do you know I had some to keep my blood sugar up during the tattoo, but you've got a tattoo

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

We got to wrap it up with a great chorus check out Ian's brand new show

Indian doing odd guy doing odd jobs. You fucking I just called an odd guy doing I

Indue what's Ian do. When I was little I had a speech impediment

I couldn't talk and when I went to do something I would just go bring up an a

And there's a video of me staring my dad

I don't even do any song a two by four and I just annoyed him enough to where he gave me a saw that three years old

So I would just say that to annoy my parents in the letting me do stuff

So everything I do I kind of do it. How he texted us he and do podcast

So everything I do I try to give a little nod to like my family something well, I'm teasing you

We love you very much. I love you man. I love you

Thank you. Thank you about the gift. Thank you for everything. You're good. My gift is genuinely very nice

Love. Thank you. I think you don't for my gift. I said it was beautiful

So I'm gonna use it to sleep on tonight. What I love you guys. I love you the best. I am so happy for you guys

I think and genuinely it makes me smile. Shut up. I think of our memory

We should do a brunch or something. Yes, that would not just say it. Let's do it. Let's eat and do it

Let's eat and do it. What are you doing tomorrow? He and do I'm not paid a check

Eat I'll buy

I'm not split in appetizer. Yeah, right me and me and fully sharing she crab soup

The fuck at me is bread getting her feet dude

We should go eat at the seafood place in Grand Central get some she crab oysters. Let's do it up mid-day

Give you what he got for

I'll be hit the seafood place at the at the train station

We're going after this. Yeah gang. We're on the road right now shows our selling out

Get your kid. That sounded pandering. No, I'm kidding. I am kidding. Obviously

I heard your book till 2027. Oh, Byron. I'm doing Pittsburgh in Prov, New Year's Eve

But first and first and the second let's go. Okay. Uh, that's a lot of tickets. That's a big room

I sell that room out. What? Mm-hmm. I didn't hear I sell that room out good for you. It feels really good

Yeah, okay

Really trying to prove something to me. I drink diet root beer

And things are going great and everything's fantastic and only Sicilian

Gang get your tickets and merch. We did limited quantities get a while last. We love you. Love you. See you next week

Bye