Unashamed with the Robertson Family - Ep 1413 | Nashville Couldn’t Free Me From Addiction, but Jesus Did: Ben Fuller’s Story

0:00I am on a shame. What about you? Welcome back to the On a Shame podcast. So, J's last night, I'm flying in from New Jersey. And you know how you go and you get to Atlanta and you kind of look around because you're in the, you're getting ready for the Monroe flight. So there's usually somebody you'll know or you know, I kind of laugh like I called it the last leg is you did late at night. I look around, I don't see anybody on a, which is very unusual. So I'm there, me and Lisa and Jersey Joe and Christine were trying to together. We go to get on the plane and Alice Lindsay's there and I had missed her somehow, but she was the first one in line and she was also the first one seat on the plane. So I hug her and I said, Hey, how you doing? I she said, great. I just met Ben Fuller. And I said, the singer. And she said, yeah. And I was like, well, he's coming on our podcast tomorrow. She was like, really, why about tickets to the next when he's coming back here? And so then I knew Ben was on the plane, but I had never seen, I had no idea what Ben looked like. So

1:02everybody's walking by. I think is that him? Is that him? And finally, I guess I missed a blink or something when you walk by, because I thought, well, I don't think he's on this plane. Oh, yeah. I think I've been. I think you were a victim of facial profile. He did not equate you. He didn't know as I just, I walked on planes. I do this. I just don't. And I just thought you hadn't washed your hands. I used your own. Sorry. I forgot to wash my hands this morning. So Ben, follow welcome to the podcast. And then look, then here comes, here comes a little wheel and and and the other crew from the Sadie singers. Yeah. And they've been a little worship. Yeah, the little yellow worship. They've been out in California. And then this woman sitting in front of me. She said, Oh, I heard your brother preach. I mean, your cousin preaches this morning black mountain. I was like, really? And I was then I knew everybody on the plane. And maybe you were in a fog. I probably was because I was very tired. You're paying attention. But I met Ben. Ben, this is only podcast. You'll ever be on where we literally kill things.

2:08The whole time. Welcome to Louisiana. I love Jason slapping. Mosquitoes already. But what I noticed was the paperclip here. I was like, well, that might come in handy. I'm going to put that in my Bible too long with everything. We've got a feather there for your book. For your book. I'm 91 now. Well, Dennis is nine. There are the things that fly they'll be food for you. But I'm not. I mean, I got bit earlier by Mosquito. And I love all God's creatures. But they have a place that they belong. Yeah. And it's not here. And he's giving us that authority to rule over all these. Well, in our last studio, we have, which is out on the river, there's a running loop over in our tour behind us that goes. I just thought that the day when I went through, there was some people of me getting stung by a purple tail was while we were doing the podcast. Cuting me. They were sitting. Did he scream? Oh, I, oh, yeah. I didn't scream. But he met. He did have a lot of pitch. Oh, oh, is that shirt off? That starts laughing. That's it

3:09over here. That starts laughing. He said, I'll I've never seen you move that fast in your life. Because that was just like, you know, trying to kill that stupid little embarrassing. Not to hold it goes. Just come on. I look like I've gotten slain. Yeah. We left it. We broke the fourth wall and we left it in the podcast. It was funny. And now it's on the loop, Zach and the tour. So it's it was a viral moment. That was a moment. So, Zach, you have met, you're the only one that's, well, Jayce, you met him too. Tell, tell where you met me. We did. What made you say, Jayce? Where was that? I don't remember. I remember. I remember everything that. Here's what's crazy, though. I what Conway Conway. Thank you, man. What state Arkansas? Arkansas. Yeah. We went Conway, Arkansas. That didn't seem right. It didn't sound right. Maddie would know she was. I was Carolina. Is there a Conway? Oh, sorry. I was fixed to say. So I mean, memories like I'm elephant. It's really not. But the only reason I remember this

4:10is because he can't kill things. They assembled a human trilogy there as presenters. It was me. Ben Fuller, who I'd never met up until that time in Darryl Strawberry. That's right. Wow. Oh, yeah. Just imagine this. And what a story. He is. Only in the kingdom of God. Yeah. Because those three beat together. He actually signed a baseball for me. Yeah. Me too. I have. Did he? Yeah. He did. I asked him. Yeah. And I've got a rookie card. Of one of those three, I've got the rookie card. The Ben Fuller rookie card. Yeah. I don't have that one. I do. I do. I do. I do. I got the Darryl Strawberry rookie card in my collection. When Ben came back to the lower, they did rookie cards. I was going to say, now we got to go back to, we got to go see Darryl again and ask for a rookie card. That's nice. We got. He actually was on my flight after we left and we just hung out for like an hour. He never met him. But I've heard he and his wife have a tremendous test on Jim Dayley at folks on the family's like, you have to

5:14meet with my analysis stories that you have to meet Darryl Strawberry and his wife because they have a tremendous story. He's incredible. Isn't it crazy? He was like a villain in a baseball. Because he obviously has been open about, you know, he's been having his priorities, right? Yeah. And so now only the game of a guy. And you, I was looking at your bio because I met you. I was reading his bio on the plane last night. Trying to figure out what he was on the plane. He was like, God, still didn't recognize me. It didn't matter. He had my picture right up. Well, I could've been my dad because we were talking about my dad earlier before we started there. Because he would he would always say things about people. But he was in front of you. You know, he'd be like, Fuller, I don't know whether to read you or meet you. That's exactly what he would have said. That's what he would have said. Oh, he's got a fuller over there. He's got to look about it.

6:16This is crazy. But if he had been on the plane, he probably would have said, oh, he's a singer. Sing us something while we're on the plane. He would have done it. He would have pressed you to say that. But I didn't notice that you're from Vermont. Yeah. It's a state I've never been. You're kidding. No. And I have a goal. It's just a personal thing. I would like to do in a vent in all 50 states. And I think I'm at 44. I have saved 50 last year, James. May is my last one. So you've actually been to Vermont. I've been to Vermont. Didn't do an event there. We just haven't had some friends that live there. So I spent a week in there. Sure. That counts. Well, you know, counts. I was there. Well, I'm in. I'm not saying I want to do an event. I visited all 50 states. Was my thing. Yeah. I don't want to just visit. I want to get up and share Jesus. You got a chance to one up and next time you just got to do an event. I did. I did do a free event. Oh, now all of a sudden he's done enough. Yeah. Free event. That's exactly what I was saying about free events. So the guy knows is the principal of school.

7:18And I did go and speak to the student body for free. So technically, praise God. Well, it was for the kids. It was all give it to you. So I wanted to hear about, I mean, how would you sum up Vermont? I mean, green mountains and maple syrup. I mean, it's just it's just it's a destination state. I mean, you've got to you've got it. I mean, you don't pass through it. I mean, you can in about three hours, I think. So I loved all the small those the covered things over the road, the bridges covered bridges covered bridges. Got a lot of beautiful. They were beautiful. They're awesome. A lot of wooden handmade covered bridges up there that still support and hold cars. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's a really beautiful. But there's lots of fish and trout fish and streams and Brooks and and it is you grow up doing that. Did you do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And hunt and it's a it's a very I would just say this. It's very independent. And so it's like the saying was I'm from from on. I do what I want. You know, kind of saying. And it's like nobody can tell me what to do. Yeah. And it it's just I don't know how many people

8:20are in the state now. But it was like last number I remember is like 700,000. Wow. And it's like it's just very spread out. It's very, you know, I was thinking 7,000. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Well, that's what it feels like because everybody's got, you know, 10 acres, 12 acres, 20 acres, 40 acres, you know, everyone's got their peace of land. You're right. 644,000. And there's not even like like major. A lot left and some people died. I guess. Yeah. And they don't only have any big cities, right? Even like the capital are not really huge. Yeah. I'm not peel you're I think. You know, Grace Potter. She's saying you and Tequila with Kenny Chess. Yeah. Yeah. She's from there. Oh, really? Yeah. And so we did an event up there in Burlington before I was a believer. But you know, that state is what is four, five, six, seven percent Christian, whatever it is. Yeah. It's very small number. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Jesus is a swear word up there. Yeah. And I just hold it with these, right? I mean, yeah. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So

9:22that's that because because Ben's going to I want to tell us his story because I watch the testimony last night on the plane. That was amazing. But before that, I wanted to talk about you met him where you met him and what was going on there? And I won't be in to tell that story. So yeah. Oh, yeah. I met Ben in prison. Yeah. Literally. We were in San Quentin, prison. It was God. That's going to be one of Ben's new sound. Well, this is like, it's like we just planned a mission trip. And now we're writing a country music song. Yes, sir. Is anybody got a pen? Yeah. We do. Thank you. Go for it, Zach. And I do want to remind everybody about our new platform. This is the place where you can go to get content to watch movies, listen to podcasts daily devotionals. It's not degrading your mind as you watch this content. It's called echo EKL.com. You can get this podcast on a shame ad free. No ads. I'm also we have a series that dynasty. We've got movies on there. The blinds on there. So kind of all of our stuff's on there as well as a host of a lot of a lot of other content as well. If you sign up through our code, you get 20% off

10:27at EKL.com. Our code is on the shame. That's EKL. Echo.com code on a shame. My house is over 100 years old. And I'm telling you, I made it this year. I did the landscape upgrade. And it made a incredible difference. And you guys have heard us talk on here a lot about how much we love that's great trees.com. Well, they've simplified the name brilliant marketing move. It's just called trees.com. Super simple. Same company, but it's a lot easier name. And they still are America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants to choose from over 3 million happy customers. Three of us were right here. And they've pretty much got anything you need for your yard or your home. They get fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, houseplants all grown with care and guaranteed to arrive happy and healthy. They figured out how to make this easy. You literally get them in the box. It made me look like a genius. My wife looked out there. My man's planting some trees. And they have something called their

11:29alive and thrive guarantee, which means that your plants are guaranteed to show up happy and healthy. You don't have to have some expert gardener to make this work. You can do it yourself. Right now, they have great deals on planting essentials up to half off on select plants and listeners to R.S.U.G. at 20% off their purchase when using the code unashamed at checkout. That's an additional 20% off better plants and better growing at trees.com using the code unashamed at checkout trees.com code unashamed now is the perfect time to plant. Let's go together use unashamed to save the day. Offer is valid for a limited time terms and conditions may apply. Yeah, it's like a David Allen coach. Yeah, we met. I was actually through my back out. And I get there. Of course, Willie was there and Cory. And I think with the Willie speak, yeah, he did. Or SISPO because I was there. You let it worship. There was a rapper there. Can't remember his name. Holy Gabbana. Yep. Yeah. That was a group. Holy Gabbana is his name.

12:32This is crazy transformation. He's a really sweet guy. But just he was a gangster. He was just really, really on far, far. He was gone. Drugs and guns and everything. And holy ghost got a hold of him and changed his life. And his testimony is very powerful. But he was him and I were baptized and while Willie and Levi Lusco, I think, were side by side, they were baptized anyway. And Willie comes out. He's been making fun of me the whole time about my back being heard. Like, oh, look at you. Yeah, the shape. And I mean, like, it was all day. You know, Willie gets something that might have gone. So then when the baptism started, I mean, it was a lot of guys that got baptized that day. And it was like feeding troughs, full water. But we are out in the yards. It's all dirt. Well, this gets really muddy. And then this guy walks up to get baptized. And he's probably six, eight. I'm a kid. And there's massive 380 pounds. I mean, and Willie goes to baptizing. And I mean, his leg slips and he does the splits. Yeah. Oh, wow. I mean, he finished the, he finished the baptism, but he paid the price for it.

13:35And I just was like, the Lord's so good. You know, he's so good. So anyway, I enjoyed watching the guy get baptized. And I enjoyed watching it. Willie injures himself. So then in the tables, tired of it, you were turned into Jobs friends. You were an LFS because you enjoyed it. His calamity. Yeah, I loved it. I still love it. I mean, you know what was helpful, but you know what was crazy about that Zach was like, I remember there was a comment made about the amount of guys. And it was probably close to 100 little over 100 men that were baptized that day. There's probably 1200 out on the yard. Remember when they blow the whistle and everyone hit their knees, every knee will bow. Remember how powerful that was. But I was so taken away, taken back from watching that happen. But it was, it was noted that the water never ran out of the troughs. I never did. The water never ran out. And it was, and men that saw as we're getting baptized. And I was making a lot. There's water slush. But yeah. But it was like, it was like God just just had a spring inside those. It was crazy. It never went. We never had to refill them. It was the widow's oil. Yeah, it just kept refill on my love. And tell the story you were telling

14:41before we came on about what they told you to do with size. Yeah, Uncle Si. Well, I didn't realize we had, I think I had already sung up there. And I got to lead worship and sing black sheep. And it was really powerful. Anyway, they said, hey, don't go far because Uncle Si is up. And he's going to go up. And of course, he's on oxygen. So they wheeled him up there and they said, hey, would you mind, I don't know if it was Cory or Willie or whatever it was. He says, hey, we've talked. And Uncle Si might run out of oxygen. And so would you sit on stage with him? And if he just stops talking, just start singing. And I'm like, all right. And so I didn't know what to do. But anyway, there's probably four, five hundred men, tattoos and testimonies and beards and just staring at us. You know, these just these hungry eyes just looking at us on the state. So they set this little beach chair up and I sit next to Uncle Si. And I'm just going, Lord, Father God, you know, just don't let him run out of oxygen. I said, Lord, give him the, you are the breath in his lungs. And so all of a sudden, he just starts to preach. And it was

15:52like the Lord just hooked up a heavenly oxygen tank onto his lungs. And next thing you know, I'm talking to me just fire. Let me tell you about the man. And I'm just like, I'm right over there to side. And next thing, you know, I blinked and it was like everyone was just applauding and people were cheering and holy wars. And we just got off the stage. I said, I don't even know what just happened. That is the point with Uncle Si. He sounded like it. You really? Oh, boy. I tell you that man, I've been in that position many times because Si has, if he gets off, then you need an interpreter. Yeah. And we've done it. It turns out to be funny because he'll say something that makes absolutely no sense. And then I'll have to interpret it. And then it's funny. Everybody laughs. Yeah. And we've done that a few times. So it's incredible. Just pretty funny. Oh, I'm

16:53praising God for you. I mean, that's the tab an interpreter is everything. I mean, you otherwise he wouldn't understand. Right? He starts speaking in tongues. Yeah, it's an unknown tongue. And I've tried to apply it somehow to first Corinthians because the unknown tongue. It is an one time because boy, I view his mind as the last frontier. I mean, it really is. Well, every time he's on the bar. Yeah, every time he's on the podcast, man, he's like, he's not slapping the table, but there's no mosquito. He just he just slaps the table whole time. And every once in a while, he may get lucky. Yeah. There's no mosquito. He's just like, hey, son, hey, well, he gets your attention. And he has every single eye of every one of those men just he had their full attention. Well, there's an authenticity to say, I tell people that because he's crazy one moment, but he's he's got a tender heart. And uh, the end of the day, he's real. Yeah. And the last time I was on his pilot, I was on his podcast and he said, um,

17:57he said, I said, so you got new teeth. And then he had the lactic surgery, said, I'm the glasses anymore. Yeah. He said, I'm in my prime, boys. I'm like, oh, Benjamin. He said, I'm going backwards. He said, I'm going to let the bear. 100. God is yeah. God is using that man. That's what he is. Well, I think Ben was something that really impressed me about you and this continued to impress me with when I met you, we had a conversation back in the green room. Uh, we don't think green room was a trailer that was kind of on behind the set where they had little snacks and waters and stuff. And you know, you get in these green rooms. One thing I think you eat learned is that there's a very few piece. I'm not gonna be a few. There's a few people that when they get in there, they're just as excited about Jesus in the green room as they are on the stage. And that was you, man. You I mean, I still remember that conversation to the point where I've told my kids because they're doing music, which they were commenting on you at the K-Live fan awards. Layla performed as well there. She said, man, I said, well, how was he?

18:57said, when Ben got up there, she said, you could, you could have heard a pin drop. And I went back and watched it. And um, one thing that I love about not just your story, but who you are, is you are the real deal. Like, you're filled with the spirit. And it's like, you can't fake that. You know, I mean, I've seen that from you, but I want to tell you, you've really encouraged me ever since I met you. I've kept up what you're doing. It's been one of those guys that encouraged me and someone that I've told my own kids, hey, I didn't know why he's doing it. Thanks. That they don't, he's not faking it. And you can tell. Thanks, brother. Well, tell us your story, Ben. Some people, they may not be familiar. So, well, why don't you start by reading it? I'll get to that. If you'd like to get out now, just listen to his word up the sleeve. And never, definitely listen. And I'm wrong. I say, no, I mean short, short story. It's amazing how I often think I need to really explain things to the fullest and get people to really understand

19:59what happened. But um, God just, it's amazing what he can do in such a little time. And with such a little amount of time. And I just feel like that's just my whole life. And boiled down anyway, he just, Jesus was a swear word. And now he's my savior. And to go from, from, sold Paul, you know, to go from, from killing to loving, you know, it's such a drastic change. And it's like, there's only one name. There's only one name in his name is Jesus. Nobody else did that for me. We're talking about that on the car ride over here. It's like, there's no one else. There's nothing else. There's no one else that helped me. Like he did. Like he has. But um, I grew up on a dairy farm. So I know about hard work, you know, and so it's like I, I throw in 20,000 hay bales during the summertime, double sessions football, you know, was captain had all the things together. And it just, um, I, I really felt like I was very

21:04good at height at, at hiding and plain sight, you know, and like keeping everything together. I mean, I'm a man. I don't want you to see my weakness. And that's the way that I was taught. And I think coming from a, a dad who had a dad that was like that, hey, get it together. I don't want to see you crying. Wipe those tears up and get back out there and get to work. Hold it together. What are you, you know, you're going weak on me? Are you getting it? And it's like, that was just the mentality that I had. And so we had chores to do. We had 150 cows to milk. They don't take a vacation. And so it's just go, go, go. And I was the only son, you know, um, and so my mom and my sister kind of watched this happen from a far. And dad and I just had a really hard relationship. Never heard I love you. And it just was one of those things that was like, man, it broke me, you know, because I just wanted to know that I was, I just wanted to be appreciated. We all just want to be appreciated. We all just want to be loved. We all want to be recognized for the stuff

22:04that we're doing. Even if it's small, we want to make a good job. I saw what you did back there. It was an awesome thing. So our member, well, Jace, is right alone the mid 40s. For me, that's been about 15 years ago. Up into that point, I'd never had to worry much about weight. Just kind of ate what I wanted to stay active. And then all of a sudden, I had a wall. I was holding on to fat. And the problem was I wasn't getting to the issue, which was metabolism. Right now, the GOP one shot is very popular. And they do help curb people's appetite, but you still got to get to the problem. Because even if you get rid of some weight, you have to have a lifestyle change to having a metabolism working with you. You want your body working with you, not against you. PhD weight loss. Talk me this. And they also provided food to get the weight off. And now I'm in maintenance. Here's a picture of me at the beginning of the process quite portally. Here I am later 80 pounds off, but staying off, which is the key. And so look, I've much healthier, obviously,

23:05much more active off my meds, off my CPAP machine. Enjoy my grandkids even more when I can do things with them. So right now, we want you to call, mention our Robertson. You get two free weeks and they'll pay for the cost of your food. That's a $1,500 value. Call 864, 644 1900, 864, 644, 1900, or go to my PhD weightloss.com. Because the GOP isn't to lose weight once. It's to never having to start over again. 864, 644, 1900, or go to my PhD weightloss.com. And so I turned, I got, I got invited to a party. This was like high school, whatever senior year in there, I was terrified of my father. So I was like, man, I didn't want to get caught. I had buddies drinking and all that stuff. I was like, no, I was terrified. My dad, I knew, you know, what he do if I got caught. And I was just like, I don't want to end up trying cocaine. And a man, a man, I just fell in love with cocaine. And then I realized I could drink and I could

24:09drink more and I could party more. But I also was, I was in control and I wasn't an addict because I could hold it all together, right? I was functioning. So I would get high on the weekends and I would hold it together. And then I would go to work and all things. I went to college for landscape design and I got a job right out of college. And again, I go to work 10 hour days. I would, I would break stone and I would plant trees. And I was really good at shoveling dirt and I could work. And then I, I get home and I was really good at opening up a six pack. And the next thing you know, that turned to a 12 pack. And the next thing you know, a case wasn't enough. And I'm drinking every single night. And I'm waking up and I'm going to work hung over and I'm wiping the sweat off my brow and I'm drinking water and then I'm coming home and I'm drinking beer. And it was just this hamster wheel cycle of just the slop, you know, this ferrous wheel. And it just, and my daddy always told me he was like, Budweiser is always going to keep making more beers. And boy, isn't that true? Yeah, they're just going right out. They're just going to keep making more beer. And so they did. And

25:14so I just kept going, kept drinking. And anyway, 14 and a half years of that. And it was just a lot of, I was in control. I would go through these spells of drinking real heavy and then not and then drinking real heavy and then not and using real heavy and then not December 16th, 2017. I lost my best friend Ryan. Good rich to heroin. It was fentanyl. It was all fentanyl in its system. We lost our cousin to that. Yeah. And so you know the pain. And it was like, what? I'm going to stop because I don't want to die. I'm scared of death. So I stopped my own power. And I'm like, I'm not going to do this anymore. And so I slow my drinking slowed down, my drug usage slowed down. And I was like, I don't, I don't, you know, I want to live, you know, what life is short. But of course, I stopped on my own power. So how did that work? Right? All of a sudden I started drinking again. I started doing all these things again. And in the fall of

26:152018, I sold my house. And it's so, this is crazy. I put my house up. I realized that I was going to do music. I started songwriting. I had started playing bars and restaurants out in Vermont and Hampshire. I started making a name for myself. And I started here in Vent Fuller. You ought to go to Nashville. You should go to Nashville, Tennessee. You could be a big star. And I was like, man, you know what? Yeah. This pound and stone and planting trees is getting old. I'm going to go down and be a big country star. And so that's a song right there. I put my, right after a remember saying quentin. Exactly. So all of a sudden I put my house up for sale and it sold in one day. And the woman that bought it was from Nashville, Tennessee. Oh, wow. I can't even make this stuff up. And I'm like, well, that's a coincidence. You know, that's crazy. You know, well, there's switch places. Ha, ha, ha. You know, it was that kind of thing. It was like, what is going to be right? My mind was blown. I was like, what is going on? And so I packed what I could. And I sold the rest. And I drove down to Nashville, Tennessee. I got an extended

27:18stay hotel. And, uh, praise God. It was another plot. It really was. Praise God. Did you see it? I saw it. I saw it. You got it. Praise God. You got it, Muckles. I still got it. The sign. The man. No, I did. So, uh, I stayed in his, then stay hotel. I was so terrified. I mean, I was, I like locked myself in. I remember drinking and the crazy thing about, this is the crazy thing about addiction is it'll follow you 1250 miles. It followed me all away from Vermont all the way down to Nashville, right? Yep. And I found out that again, Budweiser had beer down there and cold cold refrigerated doors and nothing changed. Yeah. And I'm drinking again because that's my comfort. That's my go to. And so I started drinking and anyway, I had had a friend reach out on Instagram. And, um, she said, hey, I play it to this place called Tutsis. And she said, uh, you might want to try down there at two o'clock on Saturday afternoons. They have, uh, they have a, uh, tryout. And you can go sign up. And I said, well, I

28:22guess I, I got the nerve together. I mean, there's sirens going on. I'm coming from a state of 600,000 people. There's sirens and people and colors and languages and, and I'm like, what is this place? I'm freaked out. I'm coming from a 280 acre dairy farm, you know, like, this is nuts. I've never seen anything like it. So I go down to Tutsis, right? And, uh, two o'clock in the afternoon, of course, I sign up. I'm terrified. I'm shaking. I've never played full band before. There's a house band in the back. And they're so good. They can play anything on the drop of a dime. I said, all right, son. This guy up in the booth. And he says, uh, uh, John Taylor's his name. He says, uh, well, we've got a guy named man, polar up in the end, father, what you going to sing for a son? And I said, well, I'm going to sing the ride by David Allen Cole. All right. Well, get you going then. Y'all make some noise for old man, polar. And everyone in the back starts clapping

29:25and all this stuff, right? And, and, uh, the band, you know, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, and I turn around. I'm going, I guess we're going now. And so I start singing the song. And all of a sudden, I just was like, man, I was like a big star. I was in, I was just, I felt like a big star. And all of a sudden, the song was over and everybody just applauded. Mr. Can you make folks cry? Can you play the song? Right? Can you play the hell? Can you pay? Do can you play? No, no, no, no, whatever. Can you, can you mount the blue? And so all of a sudden, I'm like, wow, and everyone's applauding again. And I'm like, man, I just blacked out. And that felt awesome. And everyone's going, and old John Taylor, well, let's everybody think, oh, Ben Fuller, should he come back here tomorrow? Could, should we hire him? And everyone's like, yeah. And that started my job. Wow. That took seats. Wow. And so I started there at 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning. And, uh, that was my

30:25became my church. And I was going to Tutsi's in the back room and I was drinking beer. And I was playing everybody's favorite country songs. And they would put dollars and 20s and hundreds and whatever. And a little pickle jar. And, uh, we'd sit on a stage. I was terrified of full-band stuff. And so I would do acoustic mostly. And, uh, I'd be joined by two or three other people on stage. And we'd all just take turns like a human jukebox. Right? Yeah. Hey, can you play me, Miranda Lambert? I want to hear House that built me. And it's like, can you play it? Can you play me? Yeah, I can play it. Okay. And we'd all sit and we'd watch her play it. And then everyone would put tips and we'd all split those at the end of the day. Well, that went on for nearly a year for me. And I had just realized that the drinking, the swearing, the junk that I was in, the sleeping around, all the stuff that I was doing was was still there. Yeah. And it was old and I was tired. Yeah. And I said, you know what? I need to change like something's got to give. There's more to this life than this.

31:27Yeah. What else is there? Because I've made it. My daddy has finally said, I'm proud of you because you're playing the most famous honky-tonk in all of Nashville, Tennessee. My son is playing the most famous honky-tonk in all of Nashville. And that awesome, guys, he was telling all of our neighbors, all of our friends back home. And it was like, I had finally got my dad's, my earthly dad's approval. Yeah. And it felt good. It was like, wow, my dad does love me. He does, he does want me to do good and recognize us that I'm doing good. Well, fast forward again. This is coming into the fall of 2019 one year later. This family from Vermont, the Davenport family, they had moved down in Nashville a year before I got there. They went down in 2017, I guess. Got a house, jobs, got the kids in school, family of six or seven, I guess. And they got my number. And I had met them. I had landscaped with their son for a short season

32:32in Vermont. And so they got my number and they said, hey, Ben Fuller, it's a Davenport family. They said, you remember us? I said, yeah, of course I do. And they said, hey, we're down here in Franklin, Tennessee. Do you want to come over for dinner? I said, man, I'd love that. I'm tired of ramen noodles. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Look at the holes of my boobs. You know what I mean? So I said, I'm going to go eat. And so I went, hey, and they fed me the most incredible meal. And at the end of that meal, we had dessert and everything. And I mean, it was like thanksgiving. And at the end of that meal, they said, Ben Fuller, will you come to church with us in the morning? It was a Saturday night. And I remember I brought beers. You know, I had beers like, because I couldn't be myself without alcohol, you know? And I was like, I got to have a couple of drinks to get loosened up. So I remember I brought beers with me and they weren't weird about it or nothing. They were just like, hey, will you come church with us in the morning? I said, all right, I'll go.

33:34Abortion and life is still such a huge ongoing battle, you know? And there's so many different ways we plug into the fight, adoption, fall string. You guys have been a part of that. Zach's been a part of that as well. Because here's the deal. None expected pregnancy. Lisa Womman wondering, what does she do next? That's how Alba felt when she walked into a pre-born clinic. Doctors had told her pregnancy was impossible. But then she discovered she was pregnant. And she felt overwhelmed. She received a free ultrasound when she saw her baby and heard that tiny heartbeat. Everything changed. Fear became hope. Alba chose life. Today, baby Laura is healthy and thriving. At pre-born network clinics, mothers are welcome with compassion, practical support, and a free ultrasound. When they see their baby and they hear that little tiny heartbeat for the first time, more than 80% of women choose life. And so that's why we're in the battle. That's why we're asking you to join us. Just $28 helps provide one life-saving ultrasound. $140 helps rescue

34:39babies. Please give today Dow a pound 250 and say baby, that's pound 250 baby. Or you can visit preborn.com slash unashamed. That's preborn.com slash unashamed. And I felt like I owed them something. Like they fed me and now I was sudden, right? Like I needed to pay them back for feeding me. And so I went back to next morning at nine o'clock, whatever time it was 8.30, hopped in their big, big Yukon and we drove to church of the city. Oh wow. Franklin, Tennessee. I've been there many times. Man, so we walked in there, parked the car, walked in. Everybody's beautiful, right? Everybody's shiny. It's from, I look like the Grinch who stole Christmas, walking in there like I must stop this church. Were you nervous? Oh man. I just, I was feeling everything. I'm like, I don't know why I'm coming

35:45here. Why am I going? You didn't really do church young, right? Like never mind. So this was something new. Yeah, this was a new adventure. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my, you know, and it's like I don't, I didn't really know. I didn't really feel anything. I had never heard the gospel. Yeah. Yeah. It was old people and old pews that I thought were getting ready to die. Yeah. Yeah. And they were just, they were just getting right with God before they went. Yeah. That's why I just, I didn't understand what was happening. So, all of a sudden I step in and I hear in that bass and that music. And it was like the auditorium doors are open. And I was like, oh man, they really have good worship. I felt it. And this guy speaking of good worship, John Reddick was his name. Oh, yeah. And he's up on stage singing about a God who can turn it around. Come on. And I'm going. Oh, man. And I stood and I'm like, turn it around. And I'm like, God. And so

36:54he is up to something. The bridge goes, you know, he's up to something. He's saving someone. He's he's healing someone. It's like if you haven't heard that song, go listen to it. But anyway, just unbelievable. And so there I am standing and I see all these people. That was before they did the expansion before the balcony, the big balcony project, all this stuff was up. Right, there's still 2,000 people in there. Anyway, all their hands were up and I'm going, everybody's hands were up. I said, what is going on in this place? And I'm standing there underneath the exit side, you know. And I'm like, one foot in. I'm like, one foot out. I'm not really sure what's happening right now. I don't really know what's going on. And I just I'm just staring up there at the stage and I just, I feel it. It's like a warm blanket from heaven. Just wrap around my shoulders. And I'm like, I've never felt this kind of high before. Yeah. I've never felt this kind of love before. Like what's happening to me? It was like, it's like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. You know what I mean? I'm like, the pin is blue. I'm trying to write. I got this and I'm writing

37:55on my face. I can't even lie anymore. I'm like standing there like I'm melting. Yeah. I'm melting in plain sight. I'm like, what is happening? And it's like at the same time my cowboy boots are coming off the ground. And I just Romans 10, 9 says, believe in your heart and confess it to your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord and that God raised his son from the dead. And if you believe that, you'll be saved. And there was a tiny piece of me that said, I believe that I need help. Will you help me? And in that moment, I feel like the Holy Spirit, I come to find out afterwards had wrapped, had wrapped his arms around me that holy towel, that holy warm blanket from heaven that came down around me. And I felt so loved. I felt so seen. I felt so remembered. I felt so peaceful. And I left. And so I thought, this is before I even find my seat. And I knew in that moment,

39:00this was all in 30 seconds. And I knew in that moment, I'm going to sing about Jesus for the rest of my life. I don't even know who he is. But I'm going to find out. So as hard, right? James 4 7 says, therefore, submit to God, resist the devil. And he will flee from you, draw near to God. And he will draw near to you, cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts. You double-minded. And I'm thinking to myself, I am ready for all that. I'm cleansing my hands. I give it all to you. I'm going to draw near to you and boy, did he draw near to me. And as hard as I went on cocaine and alcohol, I went on this. And I started reading the word. I started diving in. And I hate reading. I hate it with a passion. I'm not a reader. I hate it. And so he knows that. I'll read a paragraph. I'll read a few sentences. I'll read a chapter. I'll read a little bit. And he always meets me there. He always gets into me there. And it's Paul talks about this mystery of God. But it's like I tried

40:05to explain to people anyway. So the Davenport's bring me home, right? So we're church ends. We're getting it walking to the car and a, you know, B. Chase, as Charlie's wife was like, so. Are you feeling anything different? Are you noticing anything? Is something happening? Are you? Is that how? How was it? You know what I'm like? I'm fine. Yeah, yeah, right. The tapes. I'm like, yeah, it was really good. You know, it's like, yeah, yeah, it was right. I still had this like, you know, I don't want to show you that I'm like ready to just ball. So I held all it in. Well, that first night. So I come home at Sunday night. I get this, man, this, all these dreams start coming in. And it was amazing. Started dreaming about redemption and love and light and forgiveness and all these words started coming. And I started writing them down. Well, that, that was the start of all these new songs. And I started writing new songs. He put a new song in my heart. And so there was this worship night

41:08that was the, I guess the week after or maybe even the week after that was a Wednesday night worship night at church of the city. And I went. And that night we did a prayer circle. I went with the Davenport again. And we let this couple in Andy Levine and his wife. And I was like, I don't want anybody else to join us in this prayer circle. I feel comfortable with the Davenport. Yeah, like get away from me. Anyway, and in that moment, they're like, of course, you know, they're like, they break the chain of handholding and in comes this couple. I'm like, this is weird. This is strange. This is, I don't want to hold your hand. I don't even know who you are. Well, that happened in long story short, Holy Spirit just medicine that circle. And Andy ended up with his hands on my chest and just praying life and love and just praying over me, just praying for me. I lost it. And the man that I didn't want to let in the circle, I couldn't stop holding. And that's where I gave my life. I just broke everything. Everything broke. And I just lost it all.

42:10And the Davenport's and I are still really close and have relived that moment several times. But I think the crazy thing is, as he said to me, he said, even he said, it's been so hard to move to Nashville. But if God had sent us here just for you, if God sent us here just to invite you to church. That's like, yeah. God and pick up a whole family and move them. Oh, 250 miles. Yeah. To meet me down there. All my brokenness. That's all my junk. To save my life. Yeah. And they said, we had no idea that what was going to happen with you. And that he was going to exponentially just provide all, say, he's going to buy you a tour bus. He's going to put you on tour with cast and crowns. He's going to put you on tour with Big Daddy, weave and Zach Williams. And the list goes on and on and on. I play Red Rocks and a grand old opera in all the carry underwood and all the thing. Everything has happened. More than I could ask, think or imagine. Yeah. Is what this word tells me. And so therefore, going back to the beginning, I know without a doubt. I told you that it was Jesus

43:12who saved my life. Yeah. And I've had all these other things. That's why I got tattooed on my chest. John 6, 6, 8, my Lord, to whom else shall we go? Yeah. Yeah. Only you have the words of eternal life. I tried everything else. Budweiser is still making more people and it's still in do it. And so I'm just thankful that by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony, it allows me to get on these, I don't deserve it. But by his love and his grace, he's drawing more men unto himself. And he might use me for that is such an honor and such a privilege to run around this country and to tell people that his name is Jesus. And are you tired and are you sick? And would you ask him? Would you would you maybe ask him and see what he can do for you? Yeah. It's powerful. Yeah. What I love about that, what I love about that is when you that 30 seconds you described took you 10 minutes to describe 30 seconds, which is kind of cool.

44:13Right? Because there was so much back then. That 30 seconds. It's like you know that the I keep going back to this. Johnny Cash hurt music video. Oh yeah. If you haven't seen that, go watch it. But just all the flashes of memories in his mind and everything and it's all just fast and trains and hurt and crying and thorns and love and and and Christ and everything. It's all these flashes. It's this it's all in boom like that. Yeah. And he said, it's 30 seconds. But the eternity is packed in the 30 seconds. And I love it because it it answers the question. That's good. How much faith you got to have just about the size of a mustard seed. But the way you describe it, I you're coming in with like literally you know nothing about the man Jesus. The man a size that you walk in and in 30 seconds, there's an encounter with the living God and you and all you have is just I mean, you're just scraping the edge of a garment. I mean, you're not even I mean, you're just like on the periphery, but it's just I mean,

45:15you just just just a posture turn. You know what I mean? And it's like God shows up. Sometimes when people are out of town like your wife, Jay, she's getting a bind on the cooking game. But thanks to our friends at homechef.com, they've got you covered now. You're you've actually indulged in the process and you enjoyed. I think you said you made a pretty good meal out of it, right? A box comes in and I open it up and there's enough meals for every day that my wife is going. So I just thought here we go. But I was surprised how easy it was, how good it was. The key is to keep it simple and homechef keeps dinner simple, fresh ingredients, easy recipes, and meals that actually taste good. We can testify to that. I promise you weekly deliveries help you keep your fridge stocked and you cut out the hassle of having to plan plan a meal. Homechef has a ton of options like 30 minute meals, oven ready dinners, or like the quick microwave will launches. Homechef customers actually spend less time planning and shopping and they also save an average of $86 a month on groceries. So this is something that pays for itself. And people

46:20really love it. Homechef is rated number one by users of other milk kits for quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipes. For a limited time, homechef is offering listeners to R show 50% off and free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com slash on a shame. That's homechef.com slash on a shame for 50% off your first box and you get free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash on a shame. You must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Was that where black sheep that that come from this what you just shared? It was at some other place because I totally connected. I was a black sheep and our family for a period of time. When you we talked about being able to hide really well, I was that in my teenage years I gave to the evil one and had a coming back and a coming home. We talked about the part of home. And my parents loved me and gave me grace and didn't give me what I deserved.

47:21Which was somehow being made to do the right thing for a period of time. I didn't do any of that. They just said that's what we got no calls to build thumbs up. And to experience that kind of like you you were talking about your dad meant so much to me because then we were finally in the same spear spiritually but that I carried guilt for a long time because I was a black sheep and it it was hard for me to embrace that love. And I loved the song and I told you your voice and it just is penetrating and so powerful and spoke to me. And I just wondered if that kind of came out of your own experience of being a black sheep and then what it means to accept Christ's love. How's it going out there acting like you ain't scared? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How's that heart of stone? Ain't so hard when you're alone. And it's like man all the things that I felt when I stood there underneath that exit sign like well I'm either in or I'm out. It's so prophetic. The things and the moments that he's allowed me to witness and be a part of and also just meet me in and just be there waiting for me. Right. He's he his word says he goes before us like he's already there. He

48:25already knows that. And so I just I really felt like okay God I don't want to just I don't I want this music to have a purpose and I want to show people what you've done for me in the depths right says Psalm 139 if I go to the heavens you're there if I go to sheol if I go to the depths you're there doesn't matter where I go you're already there. I want to show them where you've met me and where the place is that that that where people think no way is there God there. Yeah. No way can you get out of that. No way this addiction all the stuff. No way and there is a way and his name is Jesus. Yeah. And so I just I'm just I've been praying for the words and this next season and of songwriting and all the things and so songs like black sheep have been sent Jesus another one and and if I got Jesus I got it all you know that's the opening line if I write if I if I if I've had a dollar to my name I'm literally back down to Broadway. Yeah. I've got holes on my shoes and my cowboy boots I'm like ready to quit and give up I'm paying 30 dollars to park my truck and I've

49:29made you know 31. Yeah. And I and I get my truck out of the parking lot and I go well how am I what am I going to do now you know and it's so it's like I'm just trying to sing the truth that's all I've just I lied my whole life. Yeah. Yeah. I lived a lie and I just so tired of lying and you know what my parents found out about my drug addiction through podcast. Wow. After I got saved they didn't even know. No. Because I already how are you now how are you? 32 years. Man, dad you know it was funny. We had a conversation. My dad's he's been watching this whole thing. It's just been so special and he likes I think he likes a Dave Fry and sidewalk profits more than he does his own son. Now, which is funny. He says that day fry man his voice just I said thanks that it is that it's amazing that that's act Williams. But I just love Zach Williams. He says I love Zach. Well you tell Zach I just really appreciate his music. I said have you seen Zach lately? I said dad know I have it when I will I'll tell him. Anyway, maybe Zach's listening but but it's

50:33just so funny how my dad had said to me it's just a couple weeks ago on the phone. He said Ben he said I'm sorry. He said I'm sorry that I never said I love you. I didn't even know I didn't even know how bad it was hurting you. I had no idea. I'm sorry. And he said I love you. He says he's he's told me that numerous times now. That's so good. And in fact we'll get to the point where we'll talk on the phone now. It was always well dad I guess I got to get going. Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah. Probably ought to go. Yeah, you got stuff to do. I said yeah. All right, dad. I said I love you. He said yep. Click. Yeah. That's what that's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. So next phone call whatever it says. Well dad I said I love you dad so much. He said yep. All right. Click. Yeah. That went on and on and on and on and on. Anyway. So one day I picked up the phone and all the things and we're talking. I said dad I said I got to go. I got I got I got to get out of here.

51:34I got some things going on this afternoon and he says wait. I said what? He said I love you. Click. Just left you holding the phone. Yeah. I said what do you say? And I had this moment where I just said he said he said before I could. Yeah. I was the one who was hanging up. I was the one who wasn't going to say it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that amazing. I was in a hurry and then he goes I love you. Yeah. It's so it's so where because I know I always think of what I'd take it. Maybe it's just that world then because our dad was in the same way. You were the 90 tellers the first time we were playing dominoes and he had already told mom that he was going to that he was going to tell it. He said I don't tell the boys how much I appreciate and love I'm going to do it tonight. But but she thought that man he was just like tell us individually. So he just like we're playing dominoes kids and running around you. Hey, hey, just shut everybody. He shuts everybody down. Everybody's like we're thinking his business tells us cancer here or something.

52:35And he shuts everything and you know I just want to I don't tell you all enough but you know proud of y'all and I love you. And it was just like that. It was like we all looked at each other like it's so shocked us. Yeah. You know and then it kind of just like somebody started the record back up and people started running around. I think actually our grandpa somebody said I actually slammed the domino and said we'll give me 10. Yeah. Just come on. Carnival begins again. So later, Marker is getting knocked. Give me 10. So mom told us later she said that so you know I told him a lot of it. Nobody said anything. You know made him feel awkward and she said well failed the way you did. You just kind of dropped the love. He did a few years later actually you know in his last years made a point to do that and he would tell me to you. But I you know I don't know why that was so weird. I mean we had similar stories and that his his saying when we were kids was who's a man. I was

53:39zero compassion. Zero never show weakness you know and and it scares you all up. I mean I don't know about you guys but it's made me and you're you're getting married in a few months. It's made me with my kids and now my grandkids even more. I tell them I love them every time I say them. Yeah. I know. I know. You know what I'm saying? Like because like I came from that other but I realized that lacking in me. So I've gone the other way. I mean I hug my daughters. I hug my grandkids every time. I want to hear I love you. I want to hug your neck. You know I'm going to kiss you on the cheek because I want that to go forward. That was a blessing for you now because I know you're engaged. Yeah. Yeah. So 77 days. 76. We all had to bring that baggage. You know when we all got married he hadn't had that breakthrough. You know it changed his life and it was very influential on us but he hadn't changed his his mannerisms toward that. Yeah. And so it was a different situation but still I could have used that because my first five years of marriage I kind of

54:44brought some of those tendencies you know with me and the relationship and you don't really you're not aware of it. Yeah. And so yeah I was going to say because we're almost out of time but the last night when we were talking a little bit about the airport is such a blessing now that you get to go into marriage in your wife as a believer as a son of God who understands the bride and the bridegroom and how God loves us and and Christ is the one that's now there and we have that sort of relationship with him. We understand submission sacrifice all the blessings of the word and the spirit. You get to now bring into a covenant relationship. Yeah. You know and do that going forward. And so in some ways even with your passing everything is what a blessing that God's giving you this now and you the man you are. And Peyton and I both and I appreciate you saying that and Peyton and I both have come from a lot of hardship. Yeah. And she's come from a really hard tough growing up as well and she's able to and and I think it's like we kind of we've talked about it. It's like man I just

55:47I want to hear it. I want to say it. I want to feel it. I want to show it. Yeah. And she's coming from the same. She's like I just want to love. I want to serve. I want to give. I want to do the things that I missed out on. Yeah. And so it's just I'm I'm really excited for what God has for us in the future as we put him first and and just watch what he can do. It's just it's just been so sweet and so amazing thus far and just and it's been seven years two weeks. I guess two weeks from now will be my seven years seven years seven years sobriety but also seven years of just of following Jesus. Yeah. And uh man it's just like I mean when he came he came and it was like okay I surrender. And when he meets you there you know you'll know it. It's good. Yeah. Well we praise God with you for that. Thank you for coming on the podcast. Thank you for making the track to West Monroe. I'm killing some bugs. Praise God. I can't wait. I got to come back and kill some ducks is what I got to do. That's right. We can make that happen. Uh and we also

56:47pray blessings on your upcoming marriage and your bride and in your life we can't wait to keep watching where God does with you. Uh been fuller folks of following uh follow his music go see him. I know one who's gonna be at your next concert here she was on the playing last night so uh we're excited about that so I love you guys thanks for yeah thanks for doing thanks for having me thanks for loving the Lord. That's great. That's awesome. Yeah we'll see you next time on the show. Thanks for listening to the Unashamed podcast. Help us out by leaving a rating and review on Apple podcast and don't miss an episode by subscribing on YouTube and be sure to click the little bell and choose all notifications to watch every episode.