Victoria Jackson Opens up About Life, Death, and Hollywood

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Hey guys, welcome to the show.

Today I have a very special guest, a dear friend, Victoria Jackson.

You know her from SNL.

She has a new book out called Not Dead Yet.

This subtitle is a lifetime of handstands, art and poetry.

It's a very kind of like a coffee table book.

There's tons of images in it and we're going to look at some of those images today on

the show.

They're very, very funny.

The book, I've interviewed her on the show before, but after reading this, I found out

some very fascinating details about her life that I didn't know about.

We're going to get into that.

Before that, if you haven't subscribed to the show, please subscribe.

It really helps out the show.

It helps out the algorithm and also consider if you will becoming a patron on Patreon.

It really helps us out.

There's a link below.

And to all those who are patrons, I just want to just say thank you so much.

It's been a wonderful and it's so helpful.

So thank you, thank you, thank you.

But first a word from our sponsor.

I'm Christy Graham, host of the show on the ground with Samaritan's Purse.

And I recently talked to a pastor on the front lines in Ukraine.

He shared what it's been like helping his people both physically and spiritually.

We all the time preach the gospel.

We say it's not about just food, it's about the voice of God who said, I am with you in

your storm constant.

I know this pastor's stories will encourage you and your faith like it did mine.

Listen to all the ground with Samaritan's Purse, wherever you get your podcasts.

If you're a Christian man struggling with porn, there's a good chance this is something

you've never fully talked about.

Maybe you've prayed about it, asked for forgiveness, promised yourself this would be the last

time.

And yet, it keeps coming back.

Not because you don't love God and not because you don't want to change.

But because for many men, this isn't just a habit.

It's a pattern wired into the subconscious, almost like a loop that keeps repeating.

And that's why even sincere, disciplined men can feel stuck in the same cycle for years.

Nelson Whiting is a clinical hypnotherapist who works specifically with Christian men to

break that cycle at the root.

So the struggle itself begins to lose grip.

He's written a best-selling book explaining why this keeps happening and what actually

leads to lasting freedom.

Download the digital version for just $7 and get free bonus training at no limits hypnotherapy.com

slash book that's no limits hypnotherapy.com slash book or search Nelson Whiting online.

That's N-E-L-S-O-N-W-H-I-T-I-N-G to search online.

Now please welcome Victoria Jackson.

Back it gone!

And such a fan!

You're like the Beatles to me.

You're so like the Beatles because you're so brave and you're so handsome.

And you go against culture and you stand up for truth which is way more beautiful than

any song ever written.

I love that I better than the Beatles.

I've never heard that before.

Don't tell Paul McCartney I said that.

I know.

We're going to get to Paul McCartney in a minute because we have a good image of you with

him.

Now who's the person in the background on your counter?

That's Charlie Kirk.

And I love him so much I'm so proud of him.

He was a martyr for Jesus Christ.

You know right before he got shot he told the gospel they don't play that in the clips.

He told the gospel then a guy asked a question then he got shot so he died for Jesus.

I know.

I know.

Well he's in heaven now which is amazing but it's sad for his wife and kids very sad and

it's sad for us.

But okay so by the way I mean I read this book cover to cover and it is so yes look

at all my notes like it is so much fun.

Why did you do this book now is this like kind of to pass down to like you know what is

this why did you come up with us idea where did it come from.

First of all thank you for reading it that means a lot to me.

Second of all you don't have much time and you didn't have to.

Second of all was it fun or was it sad or was it happy or fun or what.

It was all of the above it was fun.

There's and we're going to get to some of these things.

There were some things in the book that were like I had no idea like we'll get to the

playboy mansion but there were things in the book I didn't know about and we're going

to get to some of those things.

So there were a lot of like the gap commercial we won't get into it now but I want you

to tell that story later because it's the funniest thing because I've auditioned for

gap commercials but we'll get to that later of okay you asked me why I wrote it.

Yeah is that what you're going to say first yeah why did you write it okay since I was

a child I have written poetry and nobody buys poetry nobody reads poetry.

A few people write poetry and they like to read their own poetry but I loved it.

My husband if you ask him if I'm talented in anything he'll say poetry.

He's done me stuff.

Well by the way the reason you're good at poetry and singing and writing songs is because

you said in the book you said you were in church three times a week and it helped you

with writing poems and rhyme right.

Well what I was saying was if if I try to figure out why I love poetry my whole childhood

was years of spending vanity and pride carrying out my Lord was crucifixing no way not to

whisper me he died a cow farry every him has that meter of poet I am big meter or whatever

and then we didn't have a TV and then we went to musicals you know the one and only

genuine family band let's put it over with Grover don't rock the boat give him your

food give you you know my whole childhood was rhyming songs I thought I was living in

a movie my whole life and their musical and I wrote the musical score to my life just

not not for anyone to see it just for me but then I started showing people my poems and

songs and then it's even more fun if someone goes oh I like that but anyway as I got diagnosed

with stage 4 breast cancer a year ago I got diagnosed with stage 3 10 years ago but one

year ago they said it's it's growing in other places in your body and I'm on a I'm on a daily

chemo pill that the Google said people take it with two years longer than they would have lived

whatever that means but anyway and then like the newspapers all had said victory jacks and dying

from there was a tumor right near my windpipe and I couldn't breathe a year ago and they

radiated it and now I can breathe oh good but it's starting to feel like it's growing back so I

just had an MRI today I just had an MRI today and they're going to if it's growing back they're

going to zap it again but anyway when you get diagnosed with cancer you start to think of wrapping

your life up it's like get a well you know get a grave finish your book and so my book was my

in my brain since I was a child I was writing my book and I wanted all my poems in one book

and I wanted all my handstand photos in one book because I've taken them since I was born I didn't

realize I was taking a lot of handstand photos in the book lots of lots well it starts when I started

doing them when I was born but I don't have any pictures until I'm like four and then I have

photos of handstands yeah see that's before I learned to be on my hands I had to learn to be on my

feet that's your dad right that's me and my dad yeah and that's our little humble ghetto neighborhood

and he taught gymnastics in the backyard and the front yard actually we had a trampoline in our

backyard and uneven bars and a balance beam in our backyard in that little humble neighborhood

where we got robbed three times and our Christmas presents got stolen but anyway so I thought I

have photographs from until I my last handstand was like on my cruise to Greece last summer and so I

thought they should all be together and then I put little stories in between and I thought I don't

know if this would be interesting to anyone else but I'll tell you what every night I listened to

audio books I listened to Martin Short's story our senior Hall's story um lies and mannellies life

story um uh I forget the other one I just listened to and I am fascinated with autobiographies

yeah so I'm hoping that people would enjoy it not just my children well my children don't even

want to look at it because they lived it and they've seen all they're not interested maybe maybe

when I die maybe my grandchildren might read it I don't know yeah it's a great legacy I mean it's a

wonderful thing to pass down um and it's great for anyone to anyone everyone should buy this because

it's really fun we'll be right back after this short break I'm Kristi Graham host of the show on

the ground with Samaritan's Purse and I recently talked to a pastor on the front lines in Ukraine

he shared what it's been like helping his people both physically and spiritually we all the time

preach the gospel we say it's not about just food it's about the voice of God who said I am with you

in your storm constant I know this pastor's stories will encourage you in your faith like it did

mine listen to on the ground with Samaritan's Purse wherever you get your podcasts if you're a

Christian man who genuinely wants to quit porn but keeps falling back into it this message is for

you many men think their problem is a lack of discipline so they try harder pray more install blockers

find accountability and while those things can help they often don't stop the cycle because for many

men this behavior isn't just a habit it's driven by subconscious emotional patterns in the brain

that keep repeating almost like a loop that's why you can sincerely want to change and still find

yourself going back if this has been affecting your faith your confidence your relationships you're

not alone Nelson Whiting is a clinical hypnotherapist that helps Christian men break that cycle by

addressing the underlying patterns not just the surface behavior he's written a best-selling book

explaining why this struggle keeps returning and what actually creates lasting freedom in record

time download the digital version for just seven dollars and get free bonus training at no

limits hypnotherapy.com slash book or just search Nelson Whiting online

thank you and there's one there's one main reason I wrote it my purpose my special purpose that

God gave me when I was a child was to share the gospel of Jesus Christ to the world to the

Jew first and also to the Greek go into all the world and preach the gospel to the Jew first

and also to the Greek and I went to Bible college when I was 16 and God tells us that our mission

is to tell people the good news that there is such a thing as eternal life that Jesus is real

that he loves you that he died for your sins and he forgave you and he hit you can live with him

forever in heaven where there is no sin if you just accept him as your lord and savior

and that's the main reason I wanted to to write the book to to to use my cookie unconventional

life to point people to Jesus Christ yeah who doesn't who doesn't want eternal life

exactly that's why I painted this picture that this picture because I'm not a painter but I try

that I painted this picture and it's near the end that says eternal life eternal life eternal

where is it oh the color one I they made it into a little did you know it's called

tile when you repeat a picture over and over it's not called wallpaper it's called tile oh okay

see this is my picture eternal life eternal life eternal life yes yes I love that

a handstand in my hand a lot of people want to live forever and they do it by putting their name

on a building or writing a hit song or a painting or yeah Barbara Streisand has her name on

Cedar Sinai right down the street on the building but you know that doesn't really help

it's a way to try to live forever and I probably guilty of that too but but um yeah because fame is

pretty fun it has a dark side but we're going to get into some of the dark side um okay so but

your dad obviously your your dad was a gymnastics coach and you said you say in the book that

you were never crazy about gymnastics but you did it because it was like the family business right

right I didn't know I had a choice I didn't have a choice it was like um every day after school

there was little tumblers in my yard or else my dad was driving me to you lead a park or North Miami

armory to to help him teach classes and I was on the competitive team and all that jazz and

but how did you get into where did the handstands come in how did that happen well it's

funny thing in balance beam bars vaulting and florex you you use the handstand yeah I mean

you use back bends back walkovers but there's a lot of handstands involved and um we used to do

contests uh all the little girls on one mat and he would go ready go and he'd go one one thousand two

one thousand three one thousand and so whatever whatever girl was stood stayed up the longest was the

winner and that was like my whole childhood when you could when you could hold a handstand for like

a long time a minute is a long time by the way yeah you can do it in your beam routine bars routine

florex you know so basically it's one of the stables of being a gymnast and and I happen to be

good at it um I don't know I mean I wasn't better than a little bit core of it but like each

gymnast has their own strengths and and my dad said he thought I was good at balancing because I had

good inner ear fluid or something like that and he thought I was good on the balance beam because

my hips were wide and he says I think that helps you balance but my legs were long and I was

short wasted so that's bad for uneven bars because you're whipping around the bars and if you have

a short body and long legs that's not good so the girls who did the best had short little

legs it's like Mary Mary Lee retten was like very good because she was so she was like a miniature

yeah yeah it's good to be about four ten if you're a gymnast it's a very weird sport I would not

have picked it for myself if I if I could pick one I would have picked dancer because dancer

gives you a great body and it's um both of them dancing and gymnastics really helps you in many

areas it helps you learn to read faster perceptual motor skills good visual recall confidence discipline

you know but I have chosen to dance thing I think yeah it helps you on Broadway too um which I had

to take dancing for gymnastics but oh okay and who is coach tell us about coach Nancy and what

happened with her but she might be listening oh she's still like

I can't you not tell that story because it's hilarious um it's not hilarious it's it's not

it's a great story because you see you can use everything for your art um and all good art comes

from pain that's my motto of life my quote uh and Lamotte said art is preaching I love that quote art

is preaching I tell like what do you mean by that well like if you go to art and basil and Miami

yeah across of Jesus with defecated defecation on it you know what they're saying they're saying I

hate Jesus it's preaching it is preaching remember the artist who did that who put the crucifix in the

toilet and it was remember that in the it was like in the 80s or 90s and it was called I don't

know I hate to say this but it was called Christ um and it was just so I remember how like

scandalous that was but yeah you're right it is preaching they're preaching yay Satan

and they're preaching I hate Jesus which is so blasphemous and um he's God they're talking about

God who made the universe and uh they won't be that casual on judgment day but anyway

uh art if you really think about it everybody is saying a message they are preaching something

and everything they do and if you I taught my daughters to watch movies that way say like what's

the underlying propaganda yeah what's the thing what are they trying to shove down your throat

in that so my work is shoving Jesus down your throat so unapologetically but you know some people

could argue that sticking my butt in the air to handstand is not doing that but I defer

it's tasteful the way you do it thank you thank you but anyway I was raised that way so

what are you gonna do so I have a lot of uh I have a lot of grace for people like I was judging

your senior hall until I listened to his autobiography and he had a tough childhood and I don't judge

him so harshly anymore uh why were you judging him harshly was he mean to you no I worked with him

a couple times I don't know I was just you know he wasn't very nice to you was he no he was nice to

me yes he was nice to me oh okay yeah no he was nice to me I you know what I try not to say anything

no I have nothing negative say about our senior what why did that even come up oh because you were

talking about um I forgot you were talking about his autobiography and now you have more

oh until you why judge because I always heard his dad was a preacher and I was like well you're

not acting like a Christian your dad was a preacher you grew up here in the past school and you

you should you should be out there telling people about Jesus and and then I read I read his memoir

he didn't grow up with his dad his parents divorced when he was very little and he grew up with a

mom who had drug dealer boyfriends in the house he grew up with drug dealer boyfriends in the house

not with her not the way I did like in church four times a week so that's why I

shouldn't judge people exactly well that's good I'm glad I'm glad you you don't judge him anymore

I like that I I used to like Arsenio back in the day um in the eight whenever his show was on

yeah I was in the half hour comedy hour with him before he had his show before we had anything

it was late 1983 the other reason I wanted to write the book was a lot of people find God when

they're dying or have cancer and I sort of wanted to say I didn't find God when I was dying I

found him when I was six years old and uh he's been with me through every difficult thing life

has thrown me for my whole life and now he's going to help me through death which is probably

the most scary thing I've probably will go through but I ask God when I die please they just found

cancer on my pelvic bomb and I and I was telling my doctor yesterday and he goes that was there two

years ago I go nobody told me anyway uh because I've been having hip pain and now they're thinking

it's not related to cancer maybe it's from gymnastics but anyway um what what was I saying I

for dying yeah well what did you what was your initial reaction you were you're talking about dying

like the the the kind of fear of dying sort of or not fear but just you know oh oh when I was

telling you what I was telling God I said God when I die could I play could it please not be scary

not be painful and not be sad because I hate to be sad I'm very I'm hardly ever sad

and because there's so much to look forward to especially if you know the Bible

yeah and I never and pain pain pills are great for pain I know they have morphine and all kinds of

things and I don't want to be scared and the Lord's gonna answer that so I'm just gonna have a really

nice passing hopefully into the but but but but when you have cancer and you're you have suffering

and pain I tell you it it really means you empathetic to the millions of people in the world who are

suffering yeah suffering way worse than me well what was it like when you first found out you had

stage three and then stage four like what was your initial reaction when you found out you had cancer

well when I first found out I was 57 and Jan Hawkes from my Saturday night live cast had just

died from it from cancer and I thought you know it's about time I had a tragedy in my life I've

had so many blessings then I thought what did I do wrong I drank too much Chardonnay yes

well I I smoked secret cigarettes not a lot a lot but a few secret ones you know is it from

sugar I I did eat a lot of sugar and bubble gum I was anorexic bulimic we know I so you think

of all of the bad things you've done to your body and try to assess how you got it because it's not

in my family and then I thought well this is gonna make my testimony way more interesting

and then I thought this is my new adventure because God is allowing it God could let me die from

millions of different things and many times I almost died once at the Olympics in a car was

be be being driven around a steep mountain with my family and we almost went off the cliff wasn't

our fault and I could kind of feel an angel pushing the car back on the road but anyway God is in

control so it's like okay God help me in this new adventure and that's how I felt when I first got

it yeah well that's good that's good I like it now there's some stories in the book I want to

get into first can you tell us the story of the gap commercial because I I you know I did I acted

in a bunch of commercials back in the day I was I auditioned for gap commercial I auditioned for

those 90s ones where you had to dance you did we're probably on this so tell us about your audition

for for gap well let's see came to Hollywood no agent no money no connections I had one connection

Johnny Crawford from the rifleman series and he hadn't worked in a really long time um he took

me to the playboy mansion he didn't want to take me to the playboy mansion because I said Johnny

you go to the playboy mansion every weekend and how am I going to get an agent I don't choose

with anyone I'm a typist at the American Cancer Society and I feed old people food at the Kipling

Hotel how am I going to meet an agent and he goes well there is Betty fanning at the William

Morse I knew Betty fanning very well she was she was one of the agents in my I was because I

was represented by William Morse as well so I knew Betty fanning very well wow she was my

bridesmaid at my wedding oh my gosh so wait tell wait oh okay so wait tell us again how did you

meet Betty fanning at the playboy mansion so basically I said Johnny how am I gonna make connect

how am I gonna get a career if I don't ever he goes Vicki I don't want to take you to the playboy

mansion because I don't want you to change and I said what do you mean he goes all the girls who

go there start drinking and smoking and get breast implants and change their name to like to like

Chloe or Tiffany or something and I said I won't change and so because I was a Baptist Virgin

1980 80 when I came here with him to be in his nightclub act so he took me there and

I very gradually started experimenting with cigarettes and alcohol I would go to the bartender

because I didn't like the movie on movie night and I would go what does the work read a taste like

and he'd give me a sip and I then I'd say oh can I try a piano call that out they're all free you know

can I try what's the hot SCX on the beach what does that taste like so anyway um I did start

experimenting with cigarettes because all of the girls there were skinny and they smoked

so Johnny Johnny kind of didn't he wanted to protect me from that but anyway while I was there I did

meet Betty Fanning and she did become my my commercial agent that's how I got the gap commercial

audition well when you when you met her at the mansion what did you say to her

did you say I want you to be I need an agent like what did you how did you get her to be your agent

oh I'll tell you you have good questions Beckett uh we our paths must have

I know we we were like ships on the night yeah well Johnny went up to her and he said

big Betty Victoria um just got a commercial I got one on my own with no agent so she was listening

and she's like oh you did and he's like yes uh she's at the variety art center doing her

I forget I forget what my first commercial was and it might have been

it might have been the telephone one where uh okay I'll think of it

so I got one by myself because I was performing at the Friday Arts Center

and someone in the audience saw me and they said you would be great for this commercial

and then they gave me an address so Betty was impressed that I'd gotten one by myself

you know when I'm starting to think the gap commercial was the one I got without her

really you know okay this is what happened I was at the Friday Arts Center and I was in a

play called Hamlet's Last Act it was a spoof on Shakespeare true Barrymore was a little kid and

she was running around and her she was like three and her mom was ill to go Jade and her mom was

there and true Barrymore's brother John Barrymore half brother was playing my love interest

Hamlet I was playing Queen Gertrude the queen quit the at the last minute they wanted Johnny

Crawford in it and he took me down there I said Johnny take me take me he goes Vicki they didn't

ask for you I thought I gotta get a job and so they know Johnny the queen quit the queen quit it was

Rory Flynn aero Flynn's daughter quit the two days before the play and so they

I go well let me audition and Johnny goes it's in two days I go just let me on and so they give me

the lines and then it was Queen Gertrude and Johnny goes Victoria it's a satire so how about if

you do it like Edith Bunker do it in a Brooklyn accent I go I don't know how to do a Brooklyn

accent and he's like Edith Bunker and I go don't you kind of talk like this oh gee by the way

glad they love play and he goes yeah yeah so I auditioned like this hamlet my son how is it

that the clouds still hang on the good hamlet do not have all what they've added lead seek for

the ignoble father in the dust thou know it's his common all that lives must die passing through

nature to eternity so that was my audition and I got the part I had to learn it in two days I was

doing that play and the gap people were in the audience oh okay I just remembered this

they said hey we're doing a gap commercial would you like the audition you know yeah

so then I got the audition then I got a callback and I thought I really want to get this I need

the money so I made up this poem about the gap and I did the and my callback audition did the

poem upside down standing on my hands holding the handstand for a minute so they remember me

because the whole room was full of blonde girls who were 20 years old I was like how am I going

to stand up and then they I got the commercial they did not use the poem but I found it in all my

piles of boxes and so I put it in the book well back then the gap doing a gap commercial was very

lucrative I mean doing commercials back in the day was like you would get you know a hundred grand

or 50 grand for doing a commercial yes and so then I went to the mansion Johnny introduced me to

Betty I told her about the gap commercial she signed me then she said I started going out for

other commercials because of her by the way I mean this is just for people who don't know about

what what a callback audition is in a callback you don't normally go in and do something off script

like you the fact that you had that idea and we're so creative about it is genius because at a

callback you just go back in and you just do the lines again that you did in the original audition

and then they you know the directors there any decide he or she decides if you're right for the

part but the fact that you did the handstand and the poem that's like completely unheard of that

callbacks nobody would do that except you it's called desperate ambition starving to death

blonde ambition I love it okay and I got free food twice a week I got free dinner so

yeah by the way okay can I tell you my William Morris story and how I got an agent there yes

so I when I first moved here I did a bunch I did some random stuff but then I had for one month

I tipped I was a temp at the William Morris agency in the commercial department where Betty

fanning was right and my job what this was before anything was digital and it was all manual like

headshots were physical headshots and so my job was to I my office was in the room where all the

headshots were all those shelves of headshots and so the agents would give me the breakdowns

the the casting director breakdowns and they would write the names of actors that they wanted

to send in a packet to the casting director to messenger over and so I would get the breakdowns

with the names of the actors and I would have to pull their headshots out of the cubby holes

put them in a packet and send them messenger them that same day to the casting director

and then after like this third or weak I was I kind of started like you I started getting bold and

and I read the breakdown of what the commercial what kind of actors they needed and what you know

like they want a you know a six foot two guy with blah blah with comedic time and I was like wait

that's me and so I snuck my headshot into one of the packets and sent it I messengered it to the

casting director and the next day or that same day uh one of the commercial agents walked

down the hall to where I was the office I was in and she looked at it by that time we had become

kind of friendly she really liked me and she walked down the hall she looked at me it was the most

and it was kind of the most embarrassing like slash horrifying moment of my entire life she goes

Beckett do you have an audition tomorrow and I was like and I thought and I was like this could

go really badly or it could go great and and then immediately she said I think it's amazing

and I want you to go go do it and so she she was like you can go leave the office tomorrow and go

to the audition and I went and I did the audition I didn't get that part but I got like two weeks

later I got a giant national Budweiser commercial and then they signed me as a client

so that's how I got it yeah and by the way when I when I got my first when I got the Budweiser

commercial I wasn't in the screen actor's guild which you have to be and uh so I didn't know the

night before the the shoot I was totally panicked about what was going to happen the next day when

I showed up on set so I drive up on set and the second AD the second assistant director comes

out to me and he's like oh Beckett you're here okay and I was like hey hey can I I need to tell you

something I'm not sag and he goes oh no no problem like just fill out this taft heartily form

and you're fine and I was like oh okay good and to this day my agents still don't know that story

they don't know that I wasn't sag because they would have never allowed me to do that um in fact

they asked me if I was sag before that that and before that audition and I said yes

even though I wasn't I said yes I'm sag and um so anyway to this day they still don't know

that story but anyway that's how Hollywood works you just gotta just do it do whatever it takes

that's a great story and it's what are you saying you did the same thing I did we broke the rules

we broke the rules when I was breaking the rules I remember thinking it's not hurting anyone

this isn't cancer I'm not I'm not doing surgery no one's gonna die yeah it's not

breaking any moral laws for you to slip your picture in there you know I could see that coming

when you said your job was to get the pictures I'm like wow yeah just slip your own picture I

know I know it was amazing um it's funny because I still have the same agents to this day but

they're it's at a different agency um I never I don't go out I don't go out anymore but it's an

APA now so but um anyway you see you had the same ambition I had the same amount of I yeah

moxie yeah um okay another story from your book tell us if the Jeff if you can I don't know if

this is I mean it's in your book you can talk about it like but tell us a Jessica Han story

Jessica Han so I got a part who was Jessica Han by the way

okay she was a church secretary for um Jim Baker and Tammy Fe Baker in the 80s the PTL

ministry that huge church and they were making a lot of money and they were on TV they had a huge

TV show they were on TV yes and um Tammy Baker used to cry and her mascara would come down

Dana was who did who did her on the S&L yeah Jen Hux did yeah she did a great job

was a genius and she did Jessica Han and Tammy Fe Baker I was I was in the cast too and I'm like

can I play one of the girls in this saga but Jen is a genius and I mostly played you know

did she want mostly not completely I think she said um didn't Jen Hux say in that in that sketch she

said demonic raisins I rebuke you I remember that line for as a kid like she was taught she was

being she was you know acting like Tammy Fe Baker and she was like demonic raisins I rebuke you

um yeah she was on church chat with Dana Carvey and it was perfect because there were such cartoon

people like you know they made it so easy to make fun of them you know and I was like a Christian

I'm like no don't represent me don't represent Christians you know but but all in all I think

their hearts were sincere and I I love Tammy Fe Baker that the movies they made have heard

the documentary about her and everything the eyes of Tammy Fe yeah I think people a lot of

people start out sincere in the ministry for Jesus and then temptations kind of take over I've

had five pastors come in adultery they were great great pastors and I've had you know um so we're

sinners so tell us about Jessica Hahn okay she was the secretary from Jim Baker and he went to a

hotel with another preacher to do some revival and he brought her along to be his babysitter and he

slipped in her hotel room and had sex with her um and said don't tell anyone and you know she

could have said no but she kind of idolized him and I think she didn't have a father figure in

her life I don't know I've heard her side and I've heard the media side so it was very sensationalized

basically Jim Baker took advantage of a young girl who loved Jesus and thought he was awesome

um so anyway so what happened was Jim Baker went to jail they lost they lost their ministry they lost

everything Tammy Feig at breast cancer nothing but anyway Jessica Hahn then she was famous

in a shameful way and I think she tried to turn it into something so she was in playboy

saying I'm not a bimbo I'm stripping and it was on the cover of playboy and one of the writers

came by my desk one day and threw it on my desk and goes hey Paul can you be quiet you're distracting me

so I have to focus on myself me me me me me at the end of my book I go on the audio recording I go

I'm so sick of talking about me let's talk about Bill Gates anything but me

okay so the writer throws it on your desk and what happens yeah and so it says I'm not a bimbo

and so the writer Christine Zander she goes that that'll be good for you and you know she's a writer

like write it but she just walked away so I was like oh yeah we're always trying to think of ideas

and we're all it's everyone's out for themselves nobody was assigned to give me lines

I'm the only one who cares if I have lines in the cast of sml so I'm like oh I could write that

and uh immediately I think of everything in a poem or song I don't know how to write characters

because I didn't watch SNL when I grew up so I wrote just because of the way I look just because

of what I wear just because of how I act and how I fix my hair you think you can label me but don't

you dare because I am not a bimbo so I wrote this song Greg at the desk helped me um this other guy

helped me with some lines I submitted to read through Lauren says now everyone loved it

Lauren said no I go to his office I go everyone loved the bimbo song and he goes I don't like the blues

because I had written it like just because of the way I look just because of what I wear this

because of how I and so he I go well we can change the music and he goes take it to Cheryl

so I took it to Cheryl Hardwick who played the piano and she's short blonde hair and she was playing

piano with a cigarette and the ash was not falling off I go to her office and she's playing Beethoven

she's practicing and the ash is not falling not falling and I go oh excuse me Cheryl Lauren said

could you rewrite the music to my bimbo song she goes huh all right and in two seconds she makes it

a pop song instead of a blues these are my friends from Phoenix hi Phoenix friends

we'll get to you later yeah so they're big fans of yours Beckett oh we okay hi yeah we'll bring them back

to say hi we'll bring them back so anyway I sing the bimbo song it's a big hit uh it's the first

moment where I felt respected by my peers because it was a news story it was in the current news

it used my whatever your talent yeah on the update desk with Dennis Miller and it was big hit

and so years go by and I get a little part on unhappy ever after and it was the producer who

did married with children it was his spin-off and I went to do the job I had to play the girlfriend

of a conjoined twin so I had to make out with a guy who's attached to his brother

I know so um it was Jessica Hahn there she and so when we were rehearsing the producer writer said

my girlfriend is Jessica Hahn and she would love to meet you and I said no way

and so she came to lunch and she's tiny tiny looking and I said oh Jessica I'm so sorry I

I kind of made fun of you on the show and she goes no that's okay you know she's very gracious

she said it was the hardest time in my life and um but I I'm glad you know you've lightened it up

I said man I would have felt terrible if I was you and I'm sorry I always felt kind of bad

because Saturday Night Live makes fun of people well yeah that's what I mean that's what sick

all comedy is pretty much that basically it's I mean if you if you think about shows like friends

and those sitcoms it's all about making fun of each other on the show that's all they do

yeah put downs put downs like in the 70s that became like oh yeah like on on good times or um you

know like yeah all in the family like that was all it was all about that it just it was constant

like put downs yeah which is the opposite of the bible which says edify one another

different strokes I never watched that we didn't have a TV and that we TV it takes different

strokes okay um so so okay go ahead we got to know each other and she's very gracious and then when

and I said let's make a let's make a sitcom a reality show together because I want to sell my my

mother's fudge and we could show what it's like for two people who know nothing about cooking

or selling food to just do the journey it would be a great reality show and it's a great recipe

and nobody knows except me and my mom and our family and Jessica was up for it and we pitched it to

a couple of places and then the fires took over our neighborhood in actin California and the fire

was lapping in like 20 feet from our house and we were evacuated and I had to think of what to

throw in my car I threw my three dogs my laptop my big bible and my lion rug my real lion

authentic lion rug which is in my book there's a poem about it anyway threw it in my car

and I and Jessica Han offered for us to stay at her house and until the fires passed and I thought

that was really really really sweet and she's still she's still a Christian now right she as far

as I know she's watching Jim Baker who's still who is now on TV again as a TV evangelist he's

re-married and Jessica Han still watches him and as a fan that's amazing now another thing that I

didn't you are on the lifestyles of the rich and famous with Robin late Victoria Jackson sped

up now expense and have money no object mentioned what was that how were you on the

lifestyles of the rich and famous that was a good impression I know I do a good Robin

mage he says like Victoria Jackson takes us on a vacation wait I can't think of the light of

on a money no object vacation of a lifetime but anyway tell us how you got on

the lifestyles of the rich and famous yes he was shouting all the time he shouted he was obsessed with

he was obsessed with manman he was obsessed oh money um well when they asked me I was like yes

because I said yes to and you know I said oh a free trip to colon Germany yes I only the

jet said elite can afford this super with vacation of a lifetime right so when I watched the show

I thought it was just a bird's like a fly on the wall watching what the rich people do but then

I learned differently basically they paid for my trip there they paid for my hotel

so that I would be doing a big commercial for them for Germany for the airline for the hotel for

colon Germany like who goes to colon Germany KLN it's where colon was invented and they mainly

stand in front of a big church but I didn't get to go in it because we were rushing I stood in front

of a castle but I didn't get to go in it because I was just doing a commercial like I want to go

in the castle my main my main goal was to see Paris so like I have to see Paris before I died

and I was 26 so or 28 so um we went to Paris and but it was right when the Gulf War was starting

and these F-14s were flying overhead when I was at the castle in colon they were flying

in a formation really loud really low over my head and I was like what's that and like the

Gulf War is starting and I thought it was maybe World War III so I couldn't ask anyone because nothing

on TV was in English I couldn't I didn't know how to find there's no cell phones so I was like oh

no it's the end of the world and my child my only child who's four was with three years old was

with my mother in America so I did not see Paris I cut my trip my free trip short and I went back

home and then so my whole life I was like I got to go back to Paris and actually see the Louvre

and the Eiffel Tower so I did when I got cancer I finally twisted my husband's arm like I have

cancer if you're not going to take me now you're never going to take me so well good and we're

going to actually we're going to get to some of the the Paris photo of you doing a handstand um

let me wait how do I do this okay so but let's I just want to go through some of the pictures

in the book and just ask some questions um this is like this is very good form here

this is anorexic bulimic Victoria and I had a gymnastics scholarship so I had a lot of pressure

to win meets and stay skinny and um Ferman was a great place because that's where I did my first

play and I got the acting bug because Rhett Bryson my professor let me audition I said I was

there with a friend and I said oh I'm not here to audition I'm with my friend and he goes no you

can audition I like I don't know how to act he goes that's okay just read these lines I know it's

a part of an airhead oh that yeah and um I read the lines I got the part and when I did that

play at Ferman in South Carolina Rhett Bryson um yeah I made people laugh then I I was hooked

so you gave up you gave up the gymnastics scholarship and just went oh so the

gymnastics thing so I couldn't afford Ferman without the gymnastics scholarship um what happened was

I made small college nationals but the coach Nancy who you brought up earlier she didn't tell me

that I made it right so I made that I made it but I missed it what happened was I got my dad the

coach got a letter from Gaysamartini at the University of Chicago gymnastic team and it said where

was Victoria they read her name at the small college nationals and my dad said Vicki what is

this I go I told you Nancy was mean to me I told you Nancy coach Nancy was mean to me

it was always like why would a coach be mean to you so she upfired and um about five years later

18 19 20 so I went to the show and three I had to come up with something for the tonight show

and I thought hey I'd already been on Johnny Carson twice and Jim McColley said he wants you back but

it has to be really big and I said well I've run out of all my material and they and they said

well um I said hey what if I do my old balance being routine and I sing a song while I'm doing it

that's never been done before singing gymnastics and I could do that so McColley I went to the

gym in Pasadena and I asked permission to work out and get my routine back but they were afraid to

let me because I was now 23 they didn't want me to get hurt and sue them so I had McColley go to

the gym in Pasadena and he he told them if they would if I'd sign a paper I won't sue them if I

get hurt and he kind of lied to them and he said he would put them on the tonight show their

gymnastic team if they let me work out and they did let me work out and he didn't ever let their

gymnastic team get on TV but they did let me work out I got my some some of my tricks back

and made up the song Angry Woman based on co-tenancy not telling me I made nationals

and so I made a song I am an angry woman yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I got a streak in my hair

I like to air my dirty laundry if you don't like me honey I don't care now see punk was big in the 80s

and I sound like missing persons remember that band missing persons walking in LA that is kind of the

same remember you don't remember that band no because I didn't know anything about any bands

I only know gospel forties music carpenters and john denver and the best of bread that's all I know

so I made up that song and I sang it on car side and it's still on youtube it's on youtube in black

and white because mccoly said would you like a copy of it and he goes I'm gonna give you the

copy in black and white because there's a legal legally they probably won't like to ever show

this because NBC owns it and Johnny Carson owns it but if I give it to him black and white there's

there's a loophole so right now Johnny Carson has never aired any of my 20 appearances but that one

is on because it's my copy and it's in black and white and it hasn't been extracted yet maybe

because of that clause and the very first time you were on the the Carson show were you

nervous or were you how did you feel right before you went out that's a great question

I everybody knew in the 80s if Johnny liked you you would have a career and after I did my first

six minutes of stand up he went like that and I called my dad and my dad goes he gave you the

sign he gave you the sign and so but before I walked out I was behind the curtain Jim Mccoly the

town scout was holding the curtain to pull it back and he was shaking and I said Jim why are you

shaking I'm the one who has to go out there and he goes because if Johnny doesn't like you I get fired

and people couldn't decide whether I was really bad or really smart so he pulls back the curtain

I go out and hit my mark I start doing my six minutes which I had done for two years at the

right yard center to hone it and I kind of felt my soul go out of my body like I don't believe in any

of that stuff and I've never dabbled in anything of cult but I remember feeling like I was in the

back of the room watching myself do the act when it because I was so nervous and when it ended

I came back in myself heard noise again saw him go like that yeah that sounds that never reminds me

of I did I did stand up comedy and for just it was a little period of time but I I was at the

mint on pico and it was a big audience and and the MC she was like and now and there were like

you know several comics and you had seven minutes at I think it was seven minutes and she said

and now please welcome back at cook and I and literally when she said my name and Mike Deluca was

in the audience like the head of new line cinema like it was crazy the second she said my name

I just felt like there was like a white light and I I was so nervous that I could just it was like

this blinding white yes I can I totally understand how you felt because I just was like I was like

an out of body experience but you did go on the stage and you did talk yeah but the funny thing is

the second I got on stage I was so nervous but I said I didn't even plan this joke at the very

beginning I just I made I made a comment about what I was wearing it like a funny comment and

everyone erupted and laughter and then I was like and I was like oh my gosh I have I've got them

like and like and then it all was great for the rest of the the seven minutes but yeah it was

very scared that was a scary thing I've ever done stand-up comedy is a scary thing you can never do

yes it is um okay wait let's look at let's look at I'm so proud of you for doing it and I think

you'd be a great stand-up and I think you should still do it I should continue my stand-up career

yeah okay maybe I'll I'll call Betty Fanning and see if she'll represent me um she just passed away

I know she's not alive okay so let's because I think you mentioned it in your book um okay so let's

look at hold on okay that's you in front of the Hollywood sign with the fire reader no that's

Johnny Crawford who gave me you know took me to Hollywood okay um hold on 20 20 years later when I was

and what's this what's this photo what that's my cigarette girl job so many great magical things

happened to me at the Variety Arts Center um I got the job doing cigarettes caches because

of 30s atmosphere and the boss everyone who worked there got to do a little act and I said to

Milton Larson he owns the magic castle too I said milk could I do an act and he goes what do you do

and I said well I can stand upside down and recite poetry and he goes this I've got to see

so he let me I will put down my cigarette tray after a couple hours go up on stage in the mic

the orchestra would play hold me throw me kiss me I would do my act for six minutes that I was

working on for Carson and then I'd resume my cigarette girl job and that's where the tonight

so Thomas got discovered man there and that was my job where was this venue in LA I don't

remember what this is well it was off the beaten track because it was in a dangerous neighborhood

in downtown LA on figure rowa okay and I did get held up with the gun there and wrote a song about

it this is my book oh yeah this is you in playboy yeah I did not give them permission for that but

that's the costume I was wearing on the half hour comedy hour that I was in with our senior hall

no okay someone must have taken it on the set and then so you were in playboy magazine but you

weren't really you weren't really like in playboy magazine exactly and this was the page where they

just put things like whatever yeah like fun stuff now what's this what's where is this

hollywood and vine and I had just gotten on the tonight show like for my first time

and I was so happy and excited and you can see the signs one signs as hollywood the other

straight signs as vine and that guy with the beard his name is Joseph Gunches and he was always

very supportive of my career because I didn't really have one I just was winging it one day of the time

that looks really dangerous though like as it looks I have you did you ever fall

I felt um I fell a year ago when I was at the plaza in New York for the

SNL 50 I was so excited I did a handstand in my hotel room and I was leaning on the bed and Paul

was like thick he don't do that and I was just so excited I wanted a handstand photo

and I fell on my head and I heard my spine go because I have bad bone I've bone cancer right now

oh my god that's a that's a side effect of chemo or something so anyway but I never felt no I never

never never felt I was about 66 but um because you know if you're gonna fall you just turn you turn

off you know I learned how to fall from gymnastics so you just turn off land on your feet

I did what's that called it's like called it called a round round up round off yeah um yeah

what's this that was the first tonight show and I put the mic on the ground so they could hear my poem

I love it that is after at the end of the poem I was out of breath so I laid on the ground

and while I'm catching my breath I do the life of a rug poem oh that's good now this is you

and Willie Nelson now was he stoned when you did this sketch with him probably I remember he

he did not come to the rehearsal and I was thinking well I wrote the song I know the song

he didn't come to the rehearsal so who knows what's gonna happen it's live TV so he the words were

on cue cards and he's so charming he just stumbled his way through it and it turned out really good

yeah I remember seeing that actually at the when it was on at that time uh okay what this is hilarious

what is this and um what is this and you have Luke 117 on your legs it's Luke 137

137 sorry yeah it's my favorite Bible verse it says for with God nothing shall be impossible

and um I I don't know if I asked them permission or not to do this but I was getting my ba

degree and I was 48 and it was Palm Beach Atlantic University in in Florida

and I was crossing the stage to get my diploma and I had to do that for my handstand collection

yeah what did they think of it well that guy is smiling but some of the people some of the

intellectual educate tours in the background are looking kind of dismayed oh yeah they yeah they were

having it now this is you on SNL with Dennis Miller um I love this picture this is such a great photo

did you and Dennis Miller have good chemistry on set only on the air off the air

he was kept to himself but I was trying to figure out how to get on the show and I didn't know how

to write characters or impressions but I didn't know how to write what I think or what I say so

somebody helped me write this it was either Al Franken or maybe that got the old guy

but they helped me write this update piece about Reykjavik Reagan was going to Reykjavik for peace talks

and the story what my news reporter story is in Russia you you wouldn't have the freedom to do the

news like this and then I get up there and then it goes on that was my first handstand on SNL

did the audience love it yes and they were surprised that is funny and did Lauren like it

Lauren Michaels yes I think so but he doesn't he doesn't give you many compliments

he just doesn't fire you

that's his biggest compliment the compliment is not getting fired and what does it say on your legs

uh in this photo on SNL okay it says I love a cop because there's there's a musical

a cop uh Paul Paul was a cop right Paul was a cop yes and the funniest story is when he was

coming to see me at Saturday Night Live in 1992 um we were dating again it was the first night he was

coming to the show it happened to be the first night he shot and killed the first man of his career

and he had to stay up all night filling out paperwork and getting counseling because I guess

that's what happens if you kill somebody and I my little joke is maybe he was anxious to see me

uh so he comes he flies to New York and he comes to the set and I'm getting out of an alien

spaceship with eyeballs on my nipples because we're doing a sketch about a planet where women's

eyes have mutated to their nipples because men stared at women's chests for so long

and he comes to the set and Kirstie Ali is our leader and I go oh hi this must be so surreal for you

stay up on night and kill somebody and see me getting out of a spaceship and he goes yes it is

so then I because that's what he talks so then I took him upstairs and I introduced him to the cast

Mike Myers and Dana Carvina everyone to go hey everybody this is my boyfriend the cop

and Mike Myers goes hey you got any war stories oh no and Paul goes I killed him last night

and there was silence and it was the greatest comedic minds of our generation could not think of a

comeback that is hilarious yeah and um was Lauren upset that you had I love a cop on your legs

no no we were always trying to come up with ideas so that was the show I was going to announce I was

engaged and leaving the show to get married and because I had a daughter and I didn't want to be

heard to go through a divorce and not have mommy at home and all that so I was gonna leave the show

six years my contract was for five I was leaving a six Lauren said I could stay as long as I want

so I wasn't fired or anything so I told the wardrobe department could you make

could you get this on my legs they're so clever those were stockings and they painted it on exactly

to be where you could read it on camera amazing yeah and then I sang a song called I love a cop

from a musical so that was my and then I showed my diamond ring it's this one and uh and you

and this is another one with you and in the book you talk about how you um got how did you get

Paul to get you pregnant because you wanted a you wanted to have a baby with Paul right so that's

his cop color I was very hard for me to move to the suburbs of Miami after being in that exciting

atmosphere in New York and it about killed me but I love being a mom but we had this one daughter

and I said Paul I want more children I've given up everything for you and he goes we already have

enough we have one oh no no no that's not acceptable I have nothing to do all day so he uh so when

he came home from work one night I held his gun up to my head and it was loaded and I said get

me pregnant now or I'll shoot myself and he was big no this is not funny that's loaded this is

a funny many not me pregnant so there's you with your babies but then he never would do it again

I want more but now I have five grandchildren so that's good there's you with Scarlet and um

and Aubrey yeah Scarlet is from the fire eater and Aubrey's from Paul

yes and Scarlet is now married to a pastor and lives in Texas with four kids and Aubrey just had

her first baby and lives half an hour away in Tennessee uh amazing amazing uh this is you

on what star are you doing a handstand in front of Billy Graham I love that why did you do that

who knew he had a star on Hollywood Boulevard I know I didn't even know that until I saw this picture

it's kind of crazy and then this muscular cowboy guy walks into the shot which was great

we did not plan that he just happened to be walking towards the garbage can what we're in general

what were people's reactions when you did handstands in public amused or ignoring me

yeah slightly amused mostly ignoring me now this is you and tell you ride Colorado I think

or no where are you yeah tell you right I think it's tell you ride I might have gotten the city

wrong but it is Colorado where there's a snow skiing place nearby um I love that shot because it's

just it's it's such a great shot with the mountains in the background uh and what other

cypals coming towards me oh wait let's see oh yeah and motorcycles I know did they have to stop

no I said Paul take the picture quick and I run out there and do it and then we ran off the street

and then you're of course you're on a train track where seems dangerous too

yes the more the danger the better the photograph the most dangerous one is me in a 30 foot tall

martini glass bathtub at the polka nose oh now where was this train track what the city was this

and I think that was Vegas oh right yeah yeah okay this is you at the 50th anniversary with Paul

McCartney and Adam Sandler and um John Lovitz was that fun well the great story of this is

it's at the end of the snl 50 show I'm exhausted it's midnight I am terrified of schmoozing and

celebrities so I just kind of kind of crept up to love it because he's the only one I feel comfortable

talking to we're still in touch by text now and then and I said John do you have a car how am I

gonna get to my hotel it's midnight I don't want to go out there and try to find a taxi do you have a

car driver or something and he goes I think there's a shuttle but you don't come with me but I'm not

leaving yet I mean look who's here and I because he loves schmoozing and like he he introduced me to

deniro while we were standing there and I don't know if deniro knows my politics but oh yeah the

deniro looks like he's always angry so I don't know what he was thinking but so then yeah that's

the ticket yeah so then McCartney and Adam Sandler mosey don't over and Lovitz goes hey let's take

a selfie and I said I was like can I be in it because like no one asked me to be in it and I know

he meant them and McCartney put his arm around me and pulled me in to the photo

oh did you see the documentary on public heartney the recent one no it's really good um it was

it was really good so he pulled me in and Lovitz took the pic the selfie and then Lovitz sent it to

me later and I go I owe you so much for this picture at well Adam Sandler got kind of cut out of

the picture almost yeah poor Adam um now I love this shot the view this is you in front of the

the the Eiffel Tower um this was when this was what year was this this was 21 and my husband took it

and I was thrilled that our hotel looked right onto the Eiffel Tower because you never know if

you buy something online and there's a language problem you know yeah so I don't speak French but um

yes I tried to learn it it's too hard and then Paul is there he's a very bad traveler

and he is always complaining so two years later I took my girlfriend with me and I got another

shot from the same hotel with my girlfriend Lolo and she doesn't complain like him she actually

loved seeing the Louvre et cetera um let's see if there's an oh and this is you in front of

Buckingham Palace yeah me and Paul went to Greece with Eric Mataxis oh right he had a cruise

to Greece because he's Greek and and he took a bunch of his fans and we were his fans so we

went with him to Greece and that was in London on the way to Greece um okay so those are I mean

there's a zillion more in photos in your book um but that's all I have but do you can you

ascend us out with a song either whatever you want not dead yet or whatever song you wanted to sing

let me well you asked me this same bimbos and bikinis yeah whatever whichever one you like best

um I think I should just send you out with this poem because this is the most important poem

in the whole world not dead yet okay not dead yet never will be because Jesus died and rose

for me that's it I love it we'll end with the bimbos and bikinis okay I'm in New York in my office where

people are closed because it's cold while you're at a beach in Miami watching bimbos walk by in

bikinis I never look at other men because I have you but you look at bimbos and bikinis do you have to

say I wrote this when the empower dating again in Miami and he took me to South Beach for a day

I'm not neurotic or insecure I'm a 90s woman and all my thoughts are mature I have the reason not

to trust you and I want you to be free but you're looking at bimbos and bikinis instead of looking at me

I don't like Miami there's too much flesh out of control when someone's boots are in your face

how can you see they're so thank you it's the best long day ever wrote because I love that line

and men just like the word boobs must has rampant and all I see are bikinis and bimbos on MTV

and magazines on the streets everywhere you'd have to be blind not to notice them there

hey if you were blind our love could work I'll just get a knife and gouge your eyes out

but I don't want you to be blind because then you couldn't see me so I guess I'll just have to work

out at a gym real hard and buy a bikini oh buy a bikini maybe the dark in the closet with the lights

out I'll wear a phone thank you all right we're gonna leave it there the book is not dead yet

a lifetime of handstands art and poetry Victoria Jackson thank you for coming on the show

okay thank you so much I want to hear more about your Hollywood stories

we'll do that next time we'll do another episode and you can stand up do a stand up back start

working on it right now I will I will I might do that I might start all right well thank you for

coming on and we're gonna we're gonna go to commercial now a commercial break thank you for listening

to this episode of the Beckett Cook show your support makes this content possible all episodes

of the Beckett Cook show are also available on YouTube for more information about Beckett in his

ministry visit his website at BeckettCook.com thank you to the team at Life Audio for their

partnership with us if you go to lifeaudio.com you will find more faith centered podcasts about

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what if your next chapter is your best one yet hi I'm Monica post of hope for the journey the

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you'll hear powerful comeback stories from women who've walked through the fire and come

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