We admire dimes and Aasif Mandvi gives breakup advice

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So hot, the mic drops itself.

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Sturder Baker Theatre at the Fine Arts

Building in Chicago, Illinois.

Peter Segal.

Thank you, Bill.

Oh, thank you, everybody.

Great to see you.

Thank you so much.

Later on, today, we're going to be talking to former daily show correspondent Asif Manvi,

who left that show in 2017 to star in TV shows and movies and plays, in which he didn't

have to talk at all about the news.

The man has timing.

So give us a call before we figure out a way out.

The number to call is 1-888-9248-924.

It's time to welcome our first listener contestant.

How are you around?

Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Hi, Peter.

This is Grace, and I'm calling from Peacham Vermont.

Peacham Vermont.

I'm going to say that if I wrote like a TV show, set an fictional but charming Vermont town,

I'd probably call it Peacham.

Is it what I imagine?

Is it beautiful and verdant and filled with interesting people, Grace?

You bet it is.

It's a beautiful place, and it's a little town about an hour south of Quebec and 20 miles

from the nearest Starbucks.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Well, Grace, let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First up, it's the comedian.

You can see April 9th at Tulip Casino in Seattle and April 27th through May 3rd at the Comedy

Cellar at the Rio in Las Vegas.

It's Alonzo Bowden.

Hello, Grace.

Hello, Alonzo.

Next, she's the comedian.

You can see in Frederick, Maryland on April 17th at the Weinberg Center for the Arts.

And host of the podcast, nobody listens to Paula Poundstone.

It's Paula Poundstone.

Hey, Grace.

Hey, Paula.

Love you, girl.

And finally, making his debut on our show.

It's a comedian whose podcast, Coastal Idiots, can be heard every Tuesday on all the platforms.

And you can catch him at the Den Theater here in Chicago as part of the Wendy City Comedy

Festival in August 6th.

It's Shane Torres.

How are you?

How are you?

I'm Shane.

That's the mystery.

So, Grace, you're going to play Who's Bill this time?

Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize.

Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voicemail or you're ready to go.

Oh, yeah, I'm ready.

Here we go.

Your first quote is about the new trend of people gambling on reality TV.

Is it legal to take a vote to Fiji and watch the finalists on the beach with binoculars?

That was a question the New York Times asked.

After news, the people are now betting on the outcome of what reality show?

Oh, gosh.

I need a hint.

Well, you can also bet on things like how many times Jeff Probe says, come on in, guys.

Survivor?

Yes.

Survivor, yes.

Good.

The prediction markets, like polymarket and calcium, they're now taking bets on the outcome

of reality shows, meaning someday, you might hear a small child say, daddy had to sell

the house because Kayla won the bachelor.

So, this is...

So, Peter, yes.

Let me ask you.

Yes.

Can I put a bet down now on this show?

Sure.

Why not?

I'm all in on Paula Poundstone.

I think, really, every minute.

Yod's, man.

You can't cook good odds on Paula.

Yeah.

If there's some sort of reality show theme during this show, I'm definitely going to be the winner.

Exactly.

I'm just going to say, as an experienced gambler from way back, betting on reality shows, reality

shows.

I put $40,000 on Young Sheldon dying in a fire.

So, thanks to these new prediction markets, you can now bet on almost literally anything,

the opening box office of the New Avengers movie.

You can bet on that.

The highest temperature in Des Moines, Iowa, next month.

There is.

This is true.

A big bet on polymarket right now on whether or not Jesus will return by the end of this

year.

Wow.

You can bet on that.

I mean, they supposedly, it's all legit, but it's a little suspicious that a guy with

the screen name Papa Leo 14 has half a million on no.

You know, if we were calling, you know, if we were trying to remove the less, shall we

say, productive members of society?

And I say, you just find whoever made a bet on that at all.

Yeah.

And that's the first batch.

You need to go.

And, you know, it's not a popularity contest.

We will.

We know we do.

We round them up.

We put them on an island.

And then we bet on that.

Here.

Here's your next quote.

Why are we wasting money making these?

Two nickels work just fine.

That was a commenter in the ABC News affiliate talking about the new what being made by the

U.S. Mint.

And the new dime?

Yes.

Dimes.

Dimes.

Yes.

In honor of the nation's 250th anniversary, the U.S. Mint has begun shipping out shiny new

dimes.

And on the front of the new dime is a profile of Lady Liberty that has replaced the old

profile of FDR.

It turns out we are allowed to have women on currency as long as the woman is imaginary.

Sad but true.

Yeah.

He's just stating a fact.

People.

It's a little controversial because the eagle on the back used to hold arrows in an olive

branch, but they have now gotten rid of the olive branch so it's more or like and

people are like, ah, this is Trump again.

He's doing this.

But no, it was actually designed under Joe Biden.

In fact, Joe Biden unveiled the new dime by pulling it from behind your ear and telling

you not to spend it all in one place.

I think it's funny that the dime is controversial because I suspect they could have rolled out

the new dimes and not said anything and no one would have noticed.

That's true.

Nobody would have loved that.

When have you left it?

When have you looked at a dime?

One's last time you used a dime.

Well, now they're going to have to bring back payphones so we have something to do with

this.

That's true.

I love to payphones.

Like in an airport when you can get the kind that had the seat in it.

Oh, yeah.

You could close the door.

The life of a lap of luxury in there.

It was.

Yeah.

It was like a refuge.

I was.

I'd get in there with my phone book and just have it at it.

I'm.

What's a payphone?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm a little younger.

All the Gen Z you listeners just, oh, there they go again.

Yeah.

There they are.

I'm talking about how they use payphones.

Yeah.

Well, you've been mentioning a phone book to a Gen Z here.

You have to explain.

It's a book that darks to everyone.

All right.

We have one more quote for you.

This is from the spokesperson for a mysterious artist who, until now, we've known only by his

name.

The artist has decided to say nothing.

That artist was staying silent after his identity was finally revealed this week.

Who is it?

Another one.

Oh, somebody helped me.

I have another hand.

I have another hand.

He was.

He is famous for the paintings he puts up on the sides of buildings, including appropriately.

Banksy.

Yes.

Banksy.

An investigation by Reuters has finally revealed the real identity of Banksy.

His real name is Robin Gunningham, which I guess explains why he calls himself Banksy.

It's going to be so weird now.

He was a mysterious figure.

Now he's just a guy.

He'll be taking out the trash.

And his neighbors will be like, hey, Robin Gunningham saw your devastating social commentary

last week.

Nicely done.

You think his neighbors are like, so that's why there were so many spray cans.

Yeah.

Every week in a row.

We just thought he was huffing it.

Yeah.

So how does this affect the value of the work?

That is a good question.

Art collectors have wondered if this revelation might negatively affect the prices of Banksy's

work.

He's no longer that mysterious.

Yeah.

One Banksy dealer doesn't think so.

My clients buy Banksy's art because of the art itself, he said, lying.

It's disappointing.

It's just some random guy.

It would have been so fun if they were like, we can finally reveal the real identity of

famed a street artist Banksy.

And it is Shaquille O'Neal.

Bill, how did Grace do on our quiz ultimately?

Grace, you got there eventually.

You are a winner.

Yeah.

Thank you, Grace.

Thank you, Grace so much.

Take care.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about the week's news.

Shane Clavicular is the now famous looks-maxing influencer.

He's done everything to improve his appearance up to and including smashing the bones in his face.

According to a report, we saw this week he had a very surprising fan.

Who was it?

Oh my God.

Please.

Yeah.

Somebody else all bounced on that.

That would be arguably even more surprising, but it's not all.

I would love anything.

I will give you a hint.

We don't know if his son has inherited this enthusiasm along with the

leadership of Iran's revolutionary council.

Oh, the new leader.

The new president.

The old one.

Oh.

Yes.

The now late supreme leader of Iran, according to a website called Tehran Dispatch,

which seems to offer otherwise very serious reports about things going on in Iran.

The late Ayatollah watched 300 hours of content from online insane person Clavicular.

This is very surprising because the Ayatollah wasn't even that hot.

According to one of the Ayatollah's associates familiar with the discovery,

quote, there are aspects of a man's private life that are between him and God.

According to God, quote, please don't drag me into this.

I'll bet God says that a lot.

That probably.

Particularly now.

Yeah.

God, where's a t-shirt that says that?

I wonder if he was watching it or was his wife like, hey, look at this.

Yeah.

Hey, look at this.

Have you ever considered shaving the beard, maybe?

Could you put the hat a skew?

Yeah, a little bit.

A little cocky kind of thing.

Yeah.

Anyway, meanwhile, I want to ask for a comment on this.

Clavicular said, quote, what's Iran?

You're so pretty.

Oh, so pretty.

You really knocked me off my feet.

Coming up, our panelists take a bite out of the big apple in our bluff-to-listener game

call.

One triple-eight, weight-weight to play.

We'll be back in a minute with more weight-weight, don't tell me.

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From NPR and W-B-E-Z, Chicago, this is, weight-weight, don't tell me.

The NPR news quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis, who you're playing this week with Shane Torres,

Alonzo Bowden, and the wedding-only Paula Poundstone.

And here again is your host at these two-the-maker theater in Chicago.

Don't know, I'm Peter Segal.

Thank you, Bill.

Thanks, everybody.

Right now, it is time for the weight-weight, don't tell me.

Bluff the listener game.

Call one triple-eight weight-weight to play our game on the air.

How you run weight-weight, don't tell me.

Hi, Peter.

This is Demetri from Elon, North Carolina.

Elon, North Carolina.

How many signatures does the petition to change the name?

Have at this point.

Trust me, the school definitely has done a little bit of a rebrand.

Yeah, so...

Oh, yes, Elon University, right?

Yes.

Are you a student there?

I just graduated from their wall school back in December.

Oh, really?

That's awesome.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

And what kind of law do you anticipate doing?

If I was to practice, I would want to do, like, civil rights,

or try to work for government agencies and make sure that, you know,

things work well and work way too is supposed to do.

I'm glad, I'm glad, at least one person wants that to happen.

I hope you get that job.

Demetri, it's nice to have you with us.

You're going to play the game when you have to tell truth from fiction.

Bill, what is Demetri's topic?

You have my regards to Broadway.

You never know what might happen on a trip to New York City.

You never know what might happen on a trip to New York City.

You could run into a celebrity.

You could step in any number of mystery puddles.

Our panelists are going to tell you about one tourist trip to the big apple,

though, so memorable that made the news.

Pick the one that's telling the truth.

You won our prize, the weight waiter of your choice and your voicemail.

You ready to play?

Sure am.

All right, first let's hear from Alonzo Bowden.

When Connor Langley from Dowell South Carolina told his friends and neighbors

he was going to New York for the first time, he was warned.

New York was a dangerous town.

Where nothing was green and everyone was dangerous.

Prepared for the worst, Connor hit New York.

And immediately he was struck by how aggressive the city was.

Aggressively nice.

When lost at a train station, an older lady helped him get to his hostel in Brooklyn.

When staring up the Empire State Building, he realized he was in someone's way

when a man yelled, hey, I'm walking here.

Step aside and enjoy the beauty of our city, my friend.

At Central Park, he asked a lady why New York had such a reputation for being mean

when the people were so nice.

And she said it was a weird thing about New York.

The people are nice, but to protect that, they act mean.

Connor just nodded and asked where to get some bad pizza

because he was told even the bad pizza was actually pretty good.

A man is stunned to find New Yorkers are filled with kind, helpful people.

Who will give you the time of day.

Your next New York minute comes from Shane Torres.

Many artists dream of making it big in New York City.

This is no different for fledgling Swedish metal band Don Durcott.

Roughly translated to death breath.

But this week ended their three-week American tour with a show in New York.

As the band pulled up to the venue for a sound check,

they could not believe the enormity of it.

After playing 200, 300 capacity rooms the whole tour,

they were now pulling up to the Javits Center.

An enormous convention center in Manhattan.

But no, Don Durcott did not hit it big overnight.

This was all a result of mistaken identity,

as the band had been booked to play a dental convention.

Because Don Durcott translates to death breath,

the slang term dentist used for halitosis,

one organizer wrongly assumed the band was dental metal.

Not death metal.

But they went ahead and played a signature song like mouth of hell

and you are the cavity of my soul.

To over 3,000 dentists, aka new fans.

When asked by the website metal injection what he thought about the gig,

frontman Jan Skarskars said,

I loved it.

These dentists are way more disturbed than any of our regular fans.

A Swedish death metal band ends up entertaining 3,000 dentists

at the Javits Center, your last story from the city

that never sleeps comes from Paula Poundstunk.

Faesau months of Schemmerhofen, Germany,

came to New York City on holiday in August of 2024

to take his bite out of the Big Apple.

By the time he left he was seeking 20 million in damages.

Quite a bite.

In fact, Mr. Mons' alleged out-of-towner odyssey

of mistreatment began when he took a bite of a taco

from Los Tacos number one on 43rd Street,

where he says his tongue and mouth were burning

and immediately worsening to gastrointestinal

and emotional distress.

So he sued.

Days later he tried to use his phone

inside the Walmart Super Center in Seacark.

It's New Jersey, probably to buy some Pepto Bismol.

His phone wouldn't work inside the Walmart.

So he sued.

This week all of Mr. Mons' cases were dismissed,

but with international tourism at such a dismal low,

the possibility of luring foreigners back to the Big Apple

with a so-the-crap but a New York City tour

shouldn't be tossed aside.

All right.

Here are your choices.

Somebody had a memorable trip to New York.

Was it from Alonzo, a person who came expecting the worst,

but received the best.

So much so that he told the news about it.

From Schemeter as a Swedish death metal band found itself

at the Javit Center, an enormous place filled with Dennis,

but was a hit anyway.

Or from Paula, a German tourist who came to New York City

and Chicago's New Jersey for the site said such a terrible time

he sued everybody for $20 million.

Which of these was the real story we found in the news

about a trip to New York City?

I'm not saying this was the real one,

but Paula's story sounded like a torque hypothetical

but I know a lot of the one else went through a couple months ago.

But I think Alonzo's story is the true one.

All right.

Well, to bring you the correct answer,

we talked to someone who reported on it.

The green salsa, Adelaide's talk is number one,

is not out of this world spicy,

but it did cause this German tourist intestinal distress.

That was Christopher Mag, a journalist on the Metro desk

at the New York Times talking about that German tourist tour

of the American legal system.

What I want to tell you, sir,

is that Paula's story was not a hypothetical.

So you didn't win, but you earned a point for Alonzo.

Thank you, sir.

A charming story.

Thank you.

About his own need of city.

Thank you so much for playing and good luck

as you navigate the even weirder things that happen in real life.

Thank you.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

This town is champagne.

So shake the bottle, pop that cord.

Or the deadliest sins are like one night in New York.

And now the game where we ask people who have done a lot

to do something else.

We call it not my job.

Now, if you're like me,

you first became a fan of Asif Monvie

during his long run as a correspondent

with a daily show with John Stewart.

But again, if you're like me,

you may not have known that he's also a long-time working actor

with roles in TV, film, and theater.

Right now, he is starring in a new comedy on Pika

called The Miniature Wife.

And he's rehearsing for a revival of Noel Cowards,

Fallen Angels on Broadway.

Asif Monvie, welcome to Weight Weight Don't Tell Me.

Thank you.

It's great to finally talk to you

after watching you for so many years.

Like I said, I always love hearing stories

about actors who were at it for a while and paid their dues.

I heard this remarkable story after starting at a Disney

theme park, which I love.

You ended up in New York.

And you did a whole bunch of jobs.

And I love this, including you worked for a company that put

on like murder mystery parties.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I used to perform in murder mysteries

where we would go undercut, like sort of incognito,

into these parties.

And then someone would get killed.

And one of the most, one of the most infamous ones that I ever did

was at an Orthodox Jewish meetup.

They were trying to meet people to get married.

Like a singles meetup.

A singles meetup thing, right?

And we go in there.

And I just want to pause and say,

somebody organized a singles meetup for Orthodox Jews

instead of themselves, you know it would make us a really great eat.

Yeah.

Exactly.

If somebody were a murder.

Yeah.

All right, you go in there.

And so I just remember that I was one of the other actors

who I used to work with at the time.

It was Connie Britton.

And she was sort of chatting up this guy

who I just remember was wearing a yellow suit.

So I'll tell you everything about him.

Yeah.

And he thought he, and she was really chatting him up.

And he thought he had hit the jackpot.

Right.

It's like this is like this beautiful woman

is talking to me.

And then about 20 minutes into it,

she was killed by that.

I've had dates like that.

Yeah.

I was empathetic.

You are going on Broadway in this revival

of the Noel Coward play with the great Rose Byrne,

among many others.

The other thing you have coming out is a TV show

on peacock, a comedy called The Miniature Wife.

And I have to say, I heard the title.

And I said to myself, oh, that must be like a metaphor.

It's about a wife.

She's going to be in the shadow of her husband.

She feels small.

That's not what it's about.

No, no, no.

It's about a man who has, he's a scientist who has designed

a sort of a serum that can miniaturize crops

to come back climate change.

So, you know, Matthew McFaden,

who I love from succession.

Yeah.

And Elizabeth Banks, who I worked with many years ago

in Williamstown, is literally six inches tall.

Yes.

And lives in the dollhouse for much.

But they hate each other.

And they're constantly trying to kill each other.

So it's, honey, I sure want the kids meets Tom and Jerry.

Did you have to spend any time on set?

Like crouching down and pretending you're talking

to a six inch high Elizabeth.

Yes.

Later in the season, I do, Matthew hides the whole storyline

of his wife from me for a long time until he finally can't.

And then there is a moment where he and I are both on the floor

talking to a small cardboard cut out of Elizabeth Banks.

Right.

And they would sort of move her around.

So to pretend like she was walking.

One more question for you.

Like I said, at the beginning, I first knew you

and became a big fan when you were on the daily show.

But I heard a story.

I don't know how this could be true.

That you ended up appearing on the daily show

the same day you auditioned for it.

Yeah.

How was that even possible?

That is true.

A couple of days earlier, I had found out that my ex-girlfriend

had gotten engaged.

And so I was very upset.

And I was writing one of those letters.

No.

You know, that you write to your ex-girlfriend saying,

how you f*** up.

You know, and I can't say that.

Can I say that?

You just did.

That's all right.

Don't figure it out.

Anyway, so I'm writing this.

I get this call to come in audition for the daily show.

And I was in such a bad place that I said,

I can't come in today.

I don't feel that can I come in tomorrow.

And they said, no, if you don't come in today, then it's done.

So I literally just like put on a suit.

And I went in.

And I honestly just had this like attitude of like,

I'm never going to get this.

This is ridiculous.

Like, I'm in the wrong frame of mine.

And John met me.

And he said, and I was a little bit surly.

And I said, because he said to me, he said, if you, you know,

have you ever performed in front of a live audience?

And I remember looking at him and just being like,

dude, I've been on Broadway.

And I had such, but I just did my best.

Even co-bearer impression, because that's all I needed to do.

And I was a fan of the show.

And he hired me right there on the spot.

And I was on the show that night.

And I didn't even get a chance to tell anybody.

And suddenly it was just, I was on the show.

And people were calling me.

We were like, there's a guy.

There was a lot of people.

On the daily show tonight.

And so I didn't even get to tell my family until after it was on.

Did it comfort you maybe given the circumstances the day?

To know that maybe your ex-girlfriend would see you

on this hit, incredibly, culturally significant TV show.

And thanks to herself, my God, what have I done?

You know, it's so funny.

Like, the minute I got the daily show,

I didn't really care about my ex-girlfriend that much.

There you go.

Lesson free wall.

It's a pleasure to talk to you.

We have asked you here today to play a game.

We're calling miniature wife, miniature groom.

So your new series is the miniature wife.

And we're going to ask you about a place you usually find

miniature brides and grooms on top of wedding cakes.

Answer two or three questions correctly.

You'll win our prize for one of our listeners.

The voice of their choice on their voice mail.

Bill, who is on the show today?

Linda Evers of Collinsville, Illinois.

All right.

Ready to the plan?

Sure.

Here's your first question.

Wedding cakes have been around since at least ancient Roman times,

but the tradition back then was a little different.

Instead of the bride and groom cutting the cake together,

what would happen?

A, the bride would throw the cake as far as she could,

and the groom would go find it and bring it back.

B, they would break the cake over the bride's head

or see they would put a live squirrel inside it

and wait for it to eat its way out,

plus cutting the cake.

I'm going to go with B.

Yes, you're right.

They would break the cake into the bride's head.

Oh, they lost a lot of good brides back then.

All right.

Here's your next question.

Wedding cakes, of course, are a tradition now.

But if you were getting married,

in 17th century Europe,

you and your guests would most likely be cutting into what

at the wedding celebration?

Would it be A, what was known as the bride's pie,

a savory pie filled with oysters,

lamb testicles, and occasionally live snakes?

B, potatoes, basically just dozens and dozens of potatoes,

or see just the air or as wedding planners

of the time called it a cake of the mind.

I'm going to say that they would just cut into potatoes,

because they just had a lot of potatoes at the time.

No, it was actually A, the bride's pie.

According to Wikipedia, in addition to the other tasty things,

they would occasionally put a live snake there to,

quote, help guests to pass the time in a wedding.

I guess they did that because at the time,

they needed entertainment and they had no DJs.

Right.

That's true.

That's true.

Did you guys didn't come around and talk about the 1800s?

Exactly, true.

Yeah.

You have one more chance if you get this right when you win.

The one tradition today that every wedding expert tells you

just to skip it.

Don't do it is when the groom smashes the cake

into the bride's face, right?

Or the bride does it to the groom.

One couple went so hard in the cake smashing bit

that after they cleaned up, this just happened in January,

they did what?

A, they did it again, smashing each other

in the faces with the entree from dinner

and then all the side dishes.

B, they handed out cupcakes for their guests

to smash on each other to join the fun

or see they got divorced.

I'm going to go with the cupcakes.

You're going to go with the cupcakes.

You're going to go with the cupcakes.

You know what I mean?

You think they got divorced?

The audience thinks they got divorced.

All right, I'll go with the audience.

And they're right.

You have to listen to the audience.

They're right.

Bill, how did I sit mind be doing our quiz?

I've got two right and that makes him a winner.

Congratulations.

It's a little help.

It's a little help.

They're all here to help each other.

It's a community.

As if Monvie is an actor that soon you can see on Broadway

and Noel Coward's fallen angel starring April 19th.

And also, if you don't want to go out on Peacock's

The Miniature Wife,

which starts streaming April 9th.

As if Monvie, what a pleasure to talk to you.

Thank you.

Thank you for joining us.

Take care.

Break legs on Broadway.

Thank you.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

That's it.

In Justinated, Bill heads to space

with his tonic and lime in our listener,

Limerick Challenge.

We'll be back in a minute with more of Weight Weight Don't Tell Me

from NPR.

Taxes and fees extra.

See MintMobile.com.

From NPR and WBEZ,

Chicago, this is Weight Weight Don't Tell Me.

The NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis,

who you're playing this week with Alonzo Bowden,

Shane Torres,

and Paula Poundstone.

And here we get into a host at these

To the Maker Theatre and Chicago La La Vida Sable.

Thank you, Bill.

Thank you, Bill.

And Justinated, Bill gets all hopped up on Limericks.

It's our listener, Limerick Challenge.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-weight.

That's 1-888-9248-924.

Right now, I'll panel some more questions for you

from the week's news.

Shane, appropriately for St. Patrick's Day,

etiquette expert said this week that doing what at a party

is actually fine.

Pinching people?

No.

And also, what would pinching have to do with St. Patrick's Day?

If you don't wear a green, you get pinched.

Yeah.

I see.

That's not a thing that just happened at my house.

Right.

No.

That was awful.

That was very panicked.

That was a terrible prank pulled on you by a mean older brother.

Oh, yeah, I got a pinching.

Yeah.

No, no.

What else could be done at a party?

No.

Something related to the Irish.

Oh.

Irish Goodbye?

Yes.

Irish Goodbye's, it turns out, are fine.

For those who don't know, an Irish Goodbye

is when you quietly leave a party without telling anyone.

You just disappear.

Some say that's bad manners, but some say it's good,

but everybody can agree that the Irish Goodbye is better

than the nowhere else to go last one to leave.

So people have said, well, the Irish Goodbye is very poor.

Poor manners, you should say goodbye to your host.

But now a group of etiquette experts have agreed

that in the right circumstances, it's actually the correct thing to do.

I would think if you had a bunch of etiquette experts at your party.

Yes.

As long as they left, you wouldn't care how they did it.

That's true.

That's true.

That's true.

Do you guys do the Irish Goodbye at a party?

Do you guys seek out the host or do you love me?

Yeah.

I'm out.

I've gone both ways, but as a host, I prefer people say goodbye.

OK.

There's on the record now.

If you go to a party at Paulus House, let her know you're leaving.

Yeah.

Otherwise, you just turn around.

People are gone.

This is a little creepy.

But on the other hand, I have slipped out of other parties before.

Sure.

Because we've all done it.

I think it depends on the size of the party.

Exactly right.

If it's a big party, why bother trying to find the person?

It's OK.

You can write them later.

But if it's too small, you can't go.

So like holiday party, somebody's house is totally fine.

Interversary dinner with your wife.

She'll notice.

Yeah.

Well, you write the letter.

But she might be glad you left.

That's true, depending on how the dinner is going.

Shane, a new study has found that birds around the world are picking up a fun new habit.

Birds, it turns out, really like what?

I need a yodeling.

Yodeling?

I'm thinking don't birds already yodeling?

They're saying.

Yeah.

They don't yodeling.

Do it, Shane.

Yodeling.

I'll give you a hint.

It turns out it's not a coincidence that bird nests are shaped like asterisks.

They love smoking?

They love cigarettes.

Yeah.

Have you ever seen a bird with a cigarette in its mouth and thought, where am I?

Parasks?

Researchers in Poland have studied songbirds and they found that some have intentionally started building cigarette butts into their nests

because the chemicals in tobacco repel parasites, the birds have figured that out.

It works.

The birds have figured that out.

They have.

I mean, this has always been true.

It's why my great uncle never had to deal with headlights until the day he died of emphysema.

So this is like an avian asbestos situation.

It's like keeping things warm.

The insulation from the cigarette butts would make their nests warm.

No, no, no.

They've actually turned out that they have figured out that the...

They haven't figured out.

They're doing it.

They're all doing it.

This is happening all over the world.

Okay, because they're doing it, doesn't mean they figured it out.

Yeah.

Birds are succumbing to peer pressure.

That's what's happening.

The birds are like other birds are smoking and like the crows are smoking and the finches are like,

well, I want to look cool too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it's keeping up with the Red Wing's Joneses.

Yes.

I actually go with you on this one, Peter.

Yeah, I think the birds have figured it out.

I'm sorry.

They have been figured it out.

I think the birds figured they said, you know what?

I, into windows.

Those birds are so...

The birds...

They saw the birds with the cigarette butts.

They were like, those are some prettier birds than us.

Right.

They talk to each other.

They say, you have any problem with parasites?

Try, you know...

Yeah.

Marbowl.

Yeah.

No, they go.

No, no, no.

Tend exterminators recommend Marbowls.

Exactly.

It's just a stupid story.

No, I mean...

This is actually me going in a few years.

I remember, I'm old enough to remember when birds actually had cigarettes inside restaurants.

Coming up, it's lightning filling the blank.

But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call it, leave a message.

A one-triple-eight, wait, wait.

That's 1-888-9248-924.

You can catch us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago.

And you can come see us on the road.

For example, we will be in Savannah, Georgia, on March 26th.

That's next week.

Come out and see us, Savannah, for tickets and information, to all our live events.

Go to nprpresents.org.

Hi, you're on what way?

Don't tell me.

Hi, Mrs. Sarah, from Perkisee, Pennsylvania.

Perkisee, Pennsylvania.

Is that where the phrase Perkisee came from?

Because you sound excited.

No, I think it's supposed to mean like the one who cracks hickory nuts or something.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Perkisee, yeah, everybody knows that.

Sarah, welcome to the show.

Bill Curtis right here is going to read you three news-related lemreks of the last word of phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word of phrase correctly and two lemreks, you'll be a winner.

Ready to play?

Yep.

Let's do it.

Here is your first lemrek.

There's a comment in outer space, ooze.

That's a bit of a party boat cruise.

You better not snitch that it's alcohol rich.

The comment is filled up with booze.

Booze, booze.

Yes, scientists who are studying the interstellar comment three eye atlas which is currently zooming through our solar system have discovered that it is full of alcohol.

Finally, a comment that has the sense to bring a bottle of wine when it pops by.

Astronomers knew something was up when they saw it weaving all over the place on its way toward the sun.

But for a comment like this to really work, it has to be followed by another comment made up entirely of mixed nuts.

How do they know the comments filled without all?

They went and had a sip.

No, they...

Do you find that it's the show gets towards the end?

The facts become a little iffy?

Yeah, it's like...

I think it's as easy, the birds are smoking the comment is drinking everybody's stressed.

Here's your next lemuric.

In the evenings my mind starts to scurry and my focus on calm thoughts gets blurry.

But I heed sage advice and put bad thoughts on ice until morning.

I postpone my...

Worry?

Yes, according to a writer in the Guardian, to combat anxiety and stress all we need to do is stop worrying at exactly 6.30pm and don't start worrying until the next morning.

Yeah, it's easy because when 6.30 comes around, you just stop worrying.

A thing you do willingly and have total control over.

Now this advice came from a therapist who said he needed to have no worry time to give his brain a rest.

He admits it's not easy and it takes practice and you have to go gradually, right?

But after a couple of months of concentration and focus, he was able to get all the way to 6.45 without starting to whimper.

I think that's logical.

I understand that it's easier said than done, but it does sound logical to me.

There are times even...

If you're worrying a lot, drink some water.

You'd be amazed how hydration changes your brain.

It's like when I broke my ankle playing football and I was told to walk it off.

Yeah.

This is not...

Here is your last limb ring.

On the surface, we bullsharks pretend that we're tough and alone till the end.

But I hang with shark bros where the seawater flows.

I get quality time with a...

Friend?

Yes, researchers were stunned when they discovered that bullsharks have rich social lives and make friends.

They made this discovery after observing a shark, take another shark to the airport.

Scientists had thought that sharks lived mostly in isolation except when feeding on prey.

They observed sharks engaged in social interactions with each other, like parallel swimming or lead follow behavior.

That's what it's called.

And these bonds between the sharks remain strong unless, of course, they start a band together.

I think that these researchers were watching one shark and they thought he was by himself.

And that shark's buddy swam up behind him and shared the researcher.

Really?

And the researchers last thought was, I'm glad they're friends.

Bill, how did Sarah do in our quiz?

Sarah will sleep well tonight. She got all three rights.

Congratulations, Sarah.

Well done. Thank you.

Take care.

Support for this podcast and the following message come from sponsor Mint Mobile.

Now onto our final game, lightning fell on the blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many of you will be able to get your first place.

And you can get 3 months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for 15 bucks a month.

If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you.

Shop plans at MintMobile.com slash weight.

Up front payment of $45 for 3 months of 5 gigabyte plan required.

New customer offer for first 3 months only.

Then full price plan options available.

Taxes and fees extra.

We'll have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer now with two points.

Bill, can you give us the score?

Paula has two, Shane and Alonzo each.

Oh my goodness.

Paula, you're in third place.

You're up first.

The clock will start when I begin your first question to fill in the blank.

On Thursday, the UK said they were ready to join efforts to ensure safe passage through the straight of blank.

Hormuz.

Right.

Hormuz on Monday.

Hormuz.

Judge temporarily blocked RFK junior's changes to U.S. blank policy.

Vaccine.

Right.

This week's confirmation hearings for DHA Secretary Blank began.

Mark Wayne Mullins.

Right.

For the ninth year in a row, Finland was named the world's blankest country.

Happiest.

Right.

Good news for people who love the worst part of a pizza.

Pizza Hut is hiring their first ever blank expert.

Across.

Right.

On Thursday, NASA said they were hoping to launch the Artemis II mission to the Blank on April 1st.

The moon.

Right.

On Wednesday, Jesse Holmes and his pack of dogs won their second blank race in Alaska.

I did a run.

Right.

This week, pedestrians in Japan were shocked when they spotted blank at a construction site.

He splatted a blanket.

Smoking birds.

No.

A mysterious...

That's fine.

The birds were on break.

It was okay.

No.

They saw a mysterious 30-foot steel cylinder rising from the ground.

Oh, yes.

The fans of Osaka, Japan were baffled when in the middle of a busy road, a 30-foot metal cylinder suddenly rose from the ground, halting traffic and prompting a citywide investigation.

Since then, crews have managed to get most of the cylinder back underground, which means when it comes back up, it's going to be even angrier.

Bill, I think Paula did rather well.

Unbelievable.

I can hardly get it out.

Seven, right?

14 more points, total of 16 puts Paula in the lead.

There you are.

Let's...

Because the others haven't gone yet.

Shane and Alonzo were tied. I'll pick Alonzo to go next.

Here we go.

On Wednesday, the Federal Reserve said they would keep a blank. Rates unchanged.

Interest.

Right.

On Monday, President Trump suggested that Gavin Newsom couldn't be president because he is blank.

What do you say he's dyslexic?

That's right. This week, Americans were concerned when the Federal Government registered the new domain name Blank.gov.

Trump?

No, aliens.gov.

According to a new study, a diet low in blank can slow, cognitive decline.

Well, obviously I haven't been eating.

Yeah, exactly.

Peter, I don't know if you're aware that the NCAA tournament started this week.

Yeah.

You've been busy.

You bugging me with all these questions.

Oh, sorry. It was a diet low in salt can slow, cognitive decline on Tuesday.

Venezuela beat the US to in their first world blank title.

Ah, World Baseball.

Yeah, World Baseball Classic.

This week, a large bear walking into her shot interrupted an LATV reporter's story about blank.

Bears.

Yes, bear attacks in the neighborhood.

KTLA's Aaron Myers was reporting live from Monrovia, California.

A series of bear attacks when suddenly a bear wandered right into frame behind her as if to say,

oh my god, are you guys talking about me?

Not only did Myers keep her cool, she also told viewers, quote,

this is the second time a bear has shown up on live TV with me,

which is probably a sign she should stop filling her pockets with salmon.

Bill, how did Alonzo do in our quiz?

Four right.

Eight more points, total of 11.

And he trails Paula with 16.

All right.

So how many then does Shane need to win on his debut appearance on our show?

Only seven to win.

Here you go, Shane.

You can do this.

Oh, yeah, you got this.

Yeah.

Sure, it'll be a breeze.

Rookie lock, here we go.

This is for the game, Shane.

On Wednesday, Israeli officials pushed back on Trump's claim that he did not know about a strike on an oil field in blank.

Iron.

Right, according to a new study, smoking blank does not ease anxiety.

Weed.

Right, on Thursday, 12th seed high point.

Beat fifth seed Wisconsin in the first upset of the blank tournament.

March, Manchester.

Yeah.

And see the blank on Monday.

Off to go cut down the net.

Yeah.

On Monday, thousands of workers at a meatpacking plant walked off the job as part of the industry's first blank in 40 years.

Strike.

Right.

This week Florida lawmakers voted to keep it legal in that state for blanks to marry.

First cousins.

Yeah.

According to new guidelines, experts suggest that people as young as 30 start taking drugs to lower blank.

Glob pressure.

No cholesterol on Sunday, sinners and one battle after another with the big winners at the 2026 blank awards.

Oscar.

Right.

This week, the passenger browsing the plus kangaroos at a Tasminian airport was surprised to find blank.

A real kangaroo?

I don't know.

Oh, so close.

A real live possum.

The passenger says he was delighted when he caught the possum, cuddled up among the stuffed animals at the airport,

and that the staff is equally excited when they caught the wild animal and got him safely out of the airport.

Meanwhile, the possum was like, damn, I'm never going to make my flight now.

Bill, Shane did well.

Did he do well enough to win?

Well, he got six right, 12 more points, and his 15 comes one short of Paula.

Great showing.

There you are, Paula.

Good job.

Coming up, our panel is predict now that his identity has been revealed.

What will the artist Banksy do next?

But first, let me tell you that, wait, wait, don't tell me he's a production of NPR and WBZ Chicago,

an association with urgent haircut productions, Doug Berman, benevolent overlord.

Philip, go to co-writes, our limb ricks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.

Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre, BJ Leederman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Durmboss and Lily and King.

Special thanks to Blithe Robertson and Monica Hickey.

If you say Peter Gwyn's name three times, he will appear.

Peter Gwyn, Peter Gwyn, Peter Gwyn, our vibe curator is a matured technical director

from Lorna Whitehurst, CFO's Colin Miller, our production manager is Robert Newhouse, our senior producer.

Is he in chillog and the executive producer?

Wait, don't tell me he's Michael Bansport.

Now, panel, what will Banksy do next?

Alonzo Bowden?

Start a podcast.

Why not? Shane Torres.

He'll be the next Bachelorette.

And Paula Poundstone.

He's going to offer his services to elementary school children for their visual aids in their reports.

Well, plenty of that happens, panel.

We're going to ask you about it.

Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Thank you so much, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Paula Poundstone and Alonzo Bowden.

A big thanks to Shane Torres for being a great debut on our show.

Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theatre.

Thanks to all of you out there, wherever you might be listening.

We're grateful for you.

I'm Peter Segal.

We'll see you next week in Savannah, Georgia.

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