0:00
Today we are going to take 7,000 nearly 7,000 coaching calls and turn it into one
0:06
simple question that hopefully will help you actually make real progress in a
0:10
real world. When you coach that many people in that many industries from that
0:15
many countries, that many backgrounds, there are certain patterns that become
0:19
very clear. Welcome to next-level university. I'm your host Kevin Paul Mary and I'm
0:25
your co-host Alan Lazarus. At NLU we believe in a heart-driven but no BS
0:31
approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every
0:35
episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth. We bring you a
0:42
new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth,
0:48
self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your
0:54
own unique version of success. Self-improvement in your pocket every day from
1:01
anywhere completely free. Welcome to next-level university. Next-level nation
1:10
today for episode number 2,374. What are things that feel like progress but
1:16
aren't? So this goes somewhat hand in hand with what we talked about a couple
1:20
episodes ago and there was a post in next-level nation that was what's one
1:24
thing that you see a lot of people do that feels like progress but actually
1:27
isn't. And Alan said, what's the one that you're gonna bring? And I said, I'm
1:32
not gonna bring one. I'm going to ask you as somebody who is nearly 7,000
1:36
coaching calls. So from your experience, from what you've seen, from all the
1:41
people you've worked with, what do you think put you on the spot here? Is the
1:45
number one thing that people like to come to you excited about? Like, hey, Alan,
1:51
I'm so excited to tell you this. I'm so excited to tell you this. And they tell
1:55
you and you're like, oh my God, you are Jeff. Whoa, how dare you. Getting me to
2:02
say the goods. Yeah. Whatever version of that is a lot. Brother, I appreciate it.
2:06
I really do. They come to me and then inside my head, I think that doesn't
2:13
really matter that much. It's not what you think it's gonna be. One of them,
2:16
again, you're not expecting this one, but one of them is the scale jumped two or
2:22
three pounds. That's one of the most common is I lost two pounds yesterday. No,
2:28
you didn't. So what's another example? It can you, is there any way I don't want
2:37
to influence the answer? Does that carry over to business, money, relationships?
2:43
Yep. What are the versions of that? It's like a short-term volatility, short-term jumps
2:50
in pay, short-term jumps in weight, short-term jumps in dates, health, wealth, and love.
3:02
That's the three. So anything short-term. Yeah, any sort of, anything that gets you
3:09
overly excited, how do you know it's not the beginning of a new trend, though?
3:13
Exactly. Sometimes it is. And that's great. And I'm trying to think of a good example
3:19
to explain this. Okay. One guy, he has a big date, you know, this weekend. Okay, awesome.
3:31
But to me, what I'm looking at is what is the system? What, what is the process that's
3:39
leading to that? And then more importantly, your growth on the date. It's not about getting
3:46
the date. Anyone can do that. It's about, can you get a second date, third date, fourth
3:52
date? Can you, can you create a relationship that lasts? And I think that all of it comes
3:57
down to that is, yeah, you lost two pounds, but you didn't really. The scale jumped down
4:04
two pounds, and it's going to be up again soon. I care about, it all comes down to the
4:08
trend line, the trend line, which we should explain for anyone who's an ex, you can explain
4:14
it way better than I am. All right, let's say you have your weight over time
4:18
graphed, you're, I'll use me, 211, and then you jump down to 209, and then you're 212,
4:28
for whatever reason. And then you're 208, and then you're 211, and then you're 209, 209,
4:37
210, 213, for whatever reason, I'm joking about that last one. And then all of a sudden,
4:44
you're 208, 207, you're like, okay, okay, okay. The trend line is down. The daily fluctuations
4:52
are not that important. And here's my point. When you said the question of, what is the thing
4:59
that alarms you that you think in your head? Doesn't really matter. I don't want to take
5:02
the wind out of people's sales when they get a big W. So I just got five clients. Okay,
5:07
awesome. But are you going to sustain and have those five clients in three months? I don't
5:13
care that you got five clients or that you just made six grand. I care that you're going to keep
5:20
it. And I care about what you're going to do with it. And I care that you're going to still have
5:25
these clients in three, six, nine months. I care about scale and trend line and long term over
5:32
any quick hit. Like you and I had our biggest day in business, almost $100,000 a day recently.
5:38
I haven't mentioned it. And the reason why is because I don't really care that much.
5:45
Why don't I care? That sounds wrong. Of course I care. That's awesome. Unbelievable.
5:49
Right? That would be a dream at one point. It doesn't influence. But I can't let it influence.
5:58
That's a current PR. In three months, six months, nine months, 12 months, how long will it take us
6:07
to hit that PR again? That it will take us at least six months, if not nine months, maybe even 12
6:14
to get better than that. And to me, I always care more about the next PR, bettering my best.
6:23
And I think that that's what I would say to anyone to make this a value is
6:28
anytime you're overly excited about a blip on the graph versus the overall graph, I would say
6:34
you're probably losing. And this is the paradox. Clients, those of you who are listening,
6:43
I know there's a lot of you that are there right now. When you feel like you're losing,
6:47
you're probably winning. I actually mean this. Like right now, I'm really freaking hungry. I don't
6:53
feel great. I don't feel terrible, but I'm not great. I'm probably winning. Because today blows.
7:01
So that means my future is probably better. If I felt like really good, if I felt great,
7:08
and I felt like I was crushing it, most likely my future is not bright. And that's the paradox
7:14
that I think it always comes to is if you feel like you're losing on the day to day, your future is
7:21
probably bright, assuming it's by choice and like intentional and designed. You're sacrificing
7:29
today for a brighter tomorrow. If you feel great, like you and I could have celebrated the hell out
7:35
of that. We could we could both get a new car. We could get a new house. We got dominos. Right.
7:41
Okay, you got dominos. Nice. Emilia and I didn't do a thing. We cheersed. We said nice. It was
7:48
nine month goal. Kevin and I both completely out of all all that personal debt. That's awesome.
7:55
It's huge W. Don't care. I do care enough to get it. But what I care about is how do we do now?
8:02
Okay, what are we doing now? And so let's kick it to you because you're on the end where you
8:07
kind of need to celebrate the goal to lock it in. I like to celebrate for sure. Less, less than ever.
8:17
You want that or do you want my what I think is progress that isn't?
8:21
Yeah, that is. I want to stay on the for me. It's going most likely, most likely. It's going to the
8:36
same thing like the same event every year. I remember when we went to random or shards events,
8:44
I was like, there's just a lot of people that feel good here. They don't have notebooks. They're
8:48
not taking notes. They're not really learning like they're on there. They're just every time there's
8:52
an opportunity to like dance and take pictures. They do that, but they're not doing anything else.
8:56
That I think it's like the overly entertaining experiences that it feels like progress
9:06
because it's a whole thing. It's a whole week or it's three or whatever it is. But I so many people
9:12
myself included. I didn't take a ton from that. I took a bunch of notes and then I never looked
9:18
at them again. Luckily, you looked at the notes so that that was helpful. But that it's like
9:26
you can't cram a year's worth of personal development in three days. You can't. This doesn't
9:32
work that way. So they don't. They cram an hour of personal development and 23 hours of dancing
9:39
and feel good, not all of them. But that I think that's one for sure. I think that's a big one.
9:45
That's why I like the metaphor of the Mario Kart booster. Because these can be Mario Kart,
9:49
an event can be a Mario Kart booster. Next level live will be. But you've got to be going to make
9:54
up for no the rest of the year you not. And you've got to be on that. You already got to be driving
10:00
the car though. It's a Mario Kart booster. The booster is somewhere on the track. You've got to
10:05
get again. You have to be good at driving. Because once you get the boost, you have to steer.
10:10
Otherwise, you just hammer into the wall. I think that's a big one.
10:15
This is a good metaphor. You remember in Mario Kart and 64 days? Of course. The island one?
10:21
Yeah, I was not going to that one. The water. Oh, he's Jeff me. Yeah, and the crabs.
10:26
So you remember how you could go through the island if you hit a Mario Kart booster at that jump?
10:31
Well, okay, here's a good metaphor for the personal development events or what you're talking about.
10:38
You get the Mario Kart booster or the mushroom. And then you hammer it right before the ramp.
10:42
If you miss, you're actually worse off than if you didn't even go to the event. Meaning, yeah,
10:48
and if you're a skilled driver, the mushroom helps you be more skilled.
10:54
But if you're a newbie and you keep trying to do that, you're going to hammer right into the wall
10:59
and then everyone's going to pass you. I think your example is probably probably the best, though.
11:05
Because I was always that. It was like, dude, this happened. This happened. You're like, I don't,
11:09
dude, it doesn't matter. It matters for right now. Awesome. But it doesn't. That's why I do think
11:15
sustainability and repeatability are like two of the most important things for success.
11:21
Well, let's talk about some tangible examples because I realized everything I said was meta
11:26
other than weight. And I gave the financial goal thing. That was, yeah, that was a big milestone,
11:33
which is great. Milestone, inch pebbles lead to milestones, lead to goals, lead to dreams. Awesome.
11:39
But the mile marker, when you're in a marathon and you hit mile 22, you can be like, okay,
11:49
I'm making really good time, but you can't slow down. And I think that's a really good metaphor
11:55
for success. Well, what are all the things that I came to you with that were dumb?
12:01
That was start there. Yeah, nice. You used to think that a big guest mattered like more than it did.
12:09
It does matter, but it's one data point on the graph. Yeah.
12:15
So that was one for sure. That's one. It's like this, you know, if we try it, you know, that's like
12:20
the end. No, it's not the end or the beginning. This is your, this is your thing. Nothing is the end
12:25
of the beginning. Unless it's catastrophic. Yeah. And some people do destroy their careers with
12:31
awful things that like, that's fair. But for the most part, it's an accumulation. And I think
12:36
that's what does always come back to us. Let's do some others. A photo shoot for you that went
12:42
really well or a winning your bodybuilding show. No, that's her. That's like, brother, don't you
12:47
want to be fit for life? Like, who can't remember? It was naturally fit for life. I assumed that
12:52
was going to be that was just like, that was just a part of the journey. What do you mean you assumed
12:57
you were going to be? I was going to be naturally fit for life. Yeah. Hey, look, when I hit 45,
13:01
I might hop on to you. I don't know. We're going to see. We're just going to say naturally fit
13:05
for now. For now. We'll see. I don't know. But real quick. So that's why I used to say
13:11
hashtag naturally fit for life because I was never doing a fitness show to just be fit on stage.
13:19
I was doing a fitness show as one milestone on the marathon of life. And when you stopped
13:28
doing bodybuilding, you also let a lot of your standards go because your standards were created
13:33
based on a goal. And this is where I want to bring this to. I know we got to jump. If you're playing
13:39
not to lose, it actually helps you to have short-term goals that you're like, you were afraid to be
13:47
embarrassed on stage. I obviously wasn't, which is why I got embarrassed on stage. But like,
13:52
I was playing for life. You were playing to win that show, right? You, if you are someone who
14:01
plays not to lose, then you do need to create these incremental milestones that force the necessity.
14:09
To get you to do those things. I want to make sure I explain this well. When you did a body
14:16
building show, you were way more dialed in fitness than ever before that I'm assuming.
14:22
Okay. And the reason why is you didn't want to get left off stage, right? Okay, perfect. Good.
14:28
See, that is constructive. But it also came with that negative undertone of you had all kinds of
14:36
issues you got to lean. You dieted wrong. You hormones. So you, let's flip this over to you.
14:44
I think any short-term W that's like a win is only a win if it's for a greater trend line over time.
14:59
So if one day is going to lead to the second day, is going to lead to the third day,
15:02
is going to lead to your potential future partner, which you can't know for sure,
15:06
but you can know whether or not you're winning or losing at that overall. That's all it is. Zoom
15:10
out. Are you winning or losing at the long term? Because you can easily feel like you're winning
15:14
short-term. Good exact. Maybe the best example of this. I saw this recently. It was really
15:19
fucking cold this year. And people were like, oh, so much for global warming. It's like, no, this
15:23
is one, just one year. And by the way, the trend, so when the trend line is essentially a series of
15:30
averages, right? Yeah, the average is technically at a point. And it's, so if the average is going up,
15:37
the trend line is going up. The average average is going down the trend line is going up.
15:40
I have a perfect example. I'm sorry to interrupt you. This is great. So my client, when
15:43
I'm sharing this, keep an anonymous. Anyway, he has been taking this test and just grit, unbelievable.
15:49
I'm so proud of you, brother. He has failed it several times. I showed him the data. I said,
15:54
brother, you're going to pass on your ninth attempt statistically based on the trend line.
15:58
And no one will even know. No one will even know you're going to be certified. It's all good.
16:03
And he would have stopped if I didn't show him that data. I understand. Because he feels like he's
16:09
not going to win. But I said, you are winning. It was 42, 48, 52, 58. The trend lines up. Your two
16:19
points off pass fail 60 is passing. And it's a financial certification. My point is,
16:24
how many people quit too early because they don't see the trend line?
16:32
That might be like the best answer. I think that's probably the best answer.
16:36
Because everything, if it's, if you're short term, you don't see the trend line.
16:40
And you don't do enough inputs to actually move the needle. If you do, if you do it twice,
16:46
and it's a little better or a little worse, that doesn't mean it would have stayed that way,
16:51
or it wouldn't have sped up or slowed down or whatever. That's a good answer. That's a good answer.
16:55
It's good stuff. And feelings are short term. But other feelings are short term.
17:00
Self worth and self belief are long term. But the way I feel right now is like a short term
17:08
feeling. Your current state is a short term feeling. Don't make long term decisions based
17:14
on short term feelings. You said that on the previous episode I saw you on. Which, what was it?
17:18
Did I crush a clip came through of that show you were on recently?
17:21
Ah, with Zo, I believe. And you said don't make long term decisions based on short term emotions.
17:27
Wisdom, I have wisdom. Super exciting. If you're a podcast host looking for a guest,
17:32
obviously, Alan's been hammering shows and going on a ton of amazing shows adding value. I'm coming
17:37
back. Your boys coming back coming out of retirement. Super exciting. Super exciting.
17:42
Six months retirement. I feel like I've been out of the game for years. Speaking of trend lines.
17:46
Speaking, yeah, the trend line was up for a long time and then it started going down. All right.
17:51
We're not going to talk about next level of life because we said we were going to talk about
17:53
next level of life. That is a live event that happens every year. I'm not, it's not designed to
17:57
make you feel good. You're not going to be walking on fire or anything. You're going to be learning
18:00
and growing and evolving. So I'll give it a gentle, a gentle shout out. Next level nation, our
18:05
private Facebook group. We have the next level dreamliner. If you want to journal your way to
18:08
success, you aren't going to journal your way to success. It's going to help you on your journey
18:13
of success. It won't be the one thing. It'll be one of the many things.
18:17
Yeah. And if you're out there and you want someone who's going to show you the trend line,
18:22
who's going to keep you on track, keep you tracking to make sure that you're winning long-term.
18:31
I've spent my life trying to time myself a steam and self-worth and self-belief and self-confidence
18:38
to the trend line. We call it, one of my clients has a, his golden metric is trajectory over
18:43
everything. Trajectory matters more than present position and I will help you get on a positive
18:51
trajectory. And it's more affordable than you think. You can start with once every four weeks.
18:55
I have one client who just started and she's already mumping to twice or twice a month. So it starts
19:02
out with once every four weeks, once every two weeks, once every week and I have several that are
19:07
twice a week, three times a week, four times a week. So start small and we build.
19:13
As always, we love you. We appreciate you.
19:15
Grateful for each and every one of you. If you are as committed as you say you are,
19:17
it's getting to the next level. Make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be your every single day
19:21
to help you get there. Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. Next level nation.
19:27
Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. We love connecting with
19:32
the next level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything,
19:37
please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.
19:42
Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.