What Are Things That Feel Like Progress, But Aren’t? (2374)

Today we are going to take 7,000 nearly 7,000 coaching calls and turn it into one

simple question that hopefully will help you actually make real progress in a

real world. When you coach that many people in that many industries from that

many countries, that many backgrounds, there are certain patterns that become

very clear. Welcome to next-level university. I'm your host Kevin Paul Mary and I'm

your co-host Alan Lazarus. At NLU we believe in a heart-driven but no BS

approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every

episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth. We bring you a

new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth,

self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your

own unique version of success. Self-improvement in your pocket every day from

anywhere completely free. Welcome to next-level university. Next-level nation

today for episode number 2,374. What are things that feel like progress but

aren't? So this goes somewhat hand in hand with what we talked about a couple

episodes ago and there was a post in next-level nation that was what's one

thing that you see a lot of people do that feels like progress but actually

isn't. And Alan said, what's the one that you're gonna bring? And I said, I'm

not gonna bring one. I'm going to ask you as somebody who is nearly 7,000

coaching calls. So from your experience, from what you've seen, from all the

people you've worked with, what do you think put you on the spot here? Is the

number one thing that people like to come to you excited about? Like, hey, Alan,

I'm so excited to tell you this. I'm so excited to tell you this. And they tell

you and you're like, oh my God, you are Jeff. Whoa, how dare you. Getting me to

say the goods. Yeah. Whatever version of that is a lot. Brother, I appreciate it.

I really do. They come to me and then inside my head, I think that doesn't

really matter that much. It's not what you think it's gonna be. One of them,

again, you're not expecting this one, but one of them is the scale jumped two or

three pounds. That's one of the most common is I lost two pounds yesterday. No,

you didn't. So what's another example? It can you, is there any way I don't want

to influence the answer? Does that carry over to business, money, relationships?

Yep. What are the versions of that? It's like a short-term volatility, short-term jumps

in pay, short-term jumps in weight, short-term jumps in dates, health, wealth, and love.

That's the three. So anything short-term. Yeah, any sort of, anything that gets you

overly excited, how do you know it's not the beginning of a new trend, though?

Exactly. Sometimes it is. And that's great. And I'm trying to think of a good example

to explain this. Okay. One guy, he has a big date, you know, this weekend. Okay, awesome.

But to me, what I'm looking at is what is the system? What, what is the process that's

leading to that? And then more importantly, your growth on the date. It's not about getting

the date. Anyone can do that. It's about, can you get a second date, third date, fourth

date? Can you, can you create a relationship that lasts? And I think that all of it comes

down to that is, yeah, you lost two pounds, but you didn't really. The scale jumped down

two pounds, and it's going to be up again soon. I care about, it all comes down to the

trend line, the trend line, which we should explain for anyone who's an ex, you can explain

it way better than I am. All right, let's say you have your weight over time

graphed, you're, I'll use me, 211, and then you jump down to 209, and then you're 212,

for whatever reason. And then you're 208, and then you're 211, and then you're 209, 209,

210, 213, for whatever reason, I'm joking about that last one. And then all of a sudden,

you're 208, 207, you're like, okay, okay, okay. The trend line is down. The daily fluctuations

are not that important. And here's my point. When you said the question of, what is the thing

that alarms you that you think in your head? Doesn't really matter. I don't want to take

the wind out of people's sales when they get a big W. So I just got five clients. Okay,

awesome. But are you going to sustain and have those five clients in three months? I don't

care that you got five clients or that you just made six grand. I care that you're going to keep

it. And I care about what you're going to do with it. And I care that you're going to still have

these clients in three, six, nine months. I care about scale and trend line and long term over

any quick hit. Like you and I had our biggest day in business, almost $100,000 a day recently.

I haven't mentioned it. And the reason why is because I don't really care that much.

Why don't I care? That sounds wrong. Of course I care. That's awesome. Unbelievable.

Right? That would be a dream at one point. It doesn't influence. But I can't let it influence.

That's a current PR. In three months, six months, nine months, 12 months, how long will it take us

to hit that PR again? That it will take us at least six months, if not nine months, maybe even 12

to get better than that. And to me, I always care more about the next PR, bettering my best.

And I think that that's what I would say to anyone to make this a value is

anytime you're overly excited about a blip on the graph versus the overall graph, I would say

you're probably losing. And this is the paradox. Clients, those of you who are listening,

I know there's a lot of you that are there right now. When you feel like you're losing,

you're probably winning. I actually mean this. Like right now, I'm really freaking hungry. I don't

feel great. I don't feel terrible, but I'm not great. I'm probably winning. Because today blows.

So that means my future is probably better. If I felt like really good, if I felt great,

and I felt like I was crushing it, most likely my future is not bright. And that's the paradox

that I think it always comes to is if you feel like you're losing on the day to day, your future is

probably bright, assuming it's by choice and like intentional and designed. You're sacrificing

today for a brighter tomorrow. If you feel great, like you and I could have celebrated the hell out

of that. We could we could both get a new car. We could get a new house. We got dominos. Right.

Okay, you got dominos. Nice. Emilia and I didn't do a thing. We cheersed. We said nice. It was

nine month goal. Kevin and I both completely out of all all that personal debt. That's awesome.

It's huge W. Don't care. I do care enough to get it. But what I care about is how do we do now?

Okay, what are we doing now? And so let's kick it to you because you're on the end where you

kind of need to celebrate the goal to lock it in. I like to celebrate for sure. Less, less than ever.

You want that or do you want my what I think is progress that isn't?

Yeah, that is. I want to stay on the for me. It's going most likely, most likely. It's going to the

same thing like the same event every year. I remember when we went to random or shards events,

I was like, there's just a lot of people that feel good here. They don't have notebooks. They're

not taking notes. They're not really learning like they're on there. They're just every time there's

an opportunity to like dance and take pictures. They do that, but they're not doing anything else.

That I think it's like the overly entertaining experiences that it feels like progress

because it's a whole thing. It's a whole week or it's three or whatever it is. But I so many people

myself included. I didn't take a ton from that. I took a bunch of notes and then I never looked

at them again. Luckily, you looked at the notes so that that was helpful. But that it's like

you can't cram a year's worth of personal development in three days. You can't. This doesn't

work that way. So they don't. They cram an hour of personal development and 23 hours of dancing

and feel good, not all of them. But that I think that's one for sure. I think that's a big one.

That's why I like the metaphor of the Mario Kart booster. Because these can be Mario Kart,

an event can be a Mario Kart booster. Next level live will be. But you've got to be going to make

up for no the rest of the year you not. And you've got to be on that. You already got to be driving

the car though. It's a Mario Kart booster. The booster is somewhere on the track. You've got to

get again. You have to be good at driving. Because once you get the boost, you have to steer.

Otherwise, you just hammer into the wall. I think that's a big one.

This is a good metaphor. You remember in Mario Kart and 64 days? Of course. The island one?

Yeah, I was not going to that one. The water. Oh, he's Jeff me. Yeah, and the crabs.

So you remember how you could go through the island if you hit a Mario Kart booster at that jump?

Well, okay, here's a good metaphor for the personal development events or what you're talking about.

You get the Mario Kart booster or the mushroom. And then you hammer it right before the ramp.

If you miss, you're actually worse off than if you didn't even go to the event. Meaning, yeah,

and if you're a skilled driver, the mushroom helps you be more skilled.

But if you're a newbie and you keep trying to do that, you're going to hammer right into the wall

and then everyone's going to pass you. I think your example is probably probably the best, though.

Because I was always that. It was like, dude, this happened. This happened. You're like, I don't,

dude, it doesn't matter. It matters for right now. Awesome. But it doesn't. That's why I do think

sustainability and repeatability are like two of the most important things for success.

Well, let's talk about some tangible examples because I realized everything I said was meta

other than weight. And I gave the financial goal thing. That was, yeah, that was a big milestone,

which is great. Milestone, inch pebbles lead to milestones, lead to goals, lead to dreams. Awesome.

But the mile marker, when you're in a marathon and you hit mile 22, you can be like, okay,

I'm making really good time, but you can't slow down. And I think that's a really good metaphor

for success. Well, what are all the things that I came to you with that were dumb?

That was start there. Yeah, nice. You used to think that a big guest mattered like more than it did.

It does matter, but it's one data point on the graph. Yeah.

So that was one for sure. That's one. It's like this, you know, if we try it, you know, that's like

the end. No, it's not the end or the beginning. This is your, this is your thing. Nothing is the end

of the beginning. Unless it's catastrophic. Yeah. And some people do destroy their careers with

awful things that like, that's fair. But for the most part, it's an accumulation. And I think

that's what does always come back to us. Let's do some others. A photo shoot for you that went

really well or a winning your bodybuilding show. No, that's her. That's like, brother, don't you

want to be fit for life? Like, who can't remember? It was naturally fit for life. I assumed that

was going to be that was just like, that was just a part of the journey. What do you mean you assumed

you were going to be? I was going to be naturally fit for life. Yeah. Hey, look, when I hit 45,

I might hop on to you. I don't know. We're going to see. We're just going to say naturally fit

for now. For now. We'll see. I don't know. But real quick. So that's why I used to say

hashtag naturally fit for life because I was never doing a fitness show to just be fit on stage.

I was doing a fitness show as one milestone on the marathon of life. And when you stopped

doing bodybuilding, you also let a lot of your standards go because your standards were created

based on a goal. And this is where I want to bring this to. I know we got to jump. If you're playing

not to lose, it actually helps you to have short-term goals that you're like, you were afraid to be

embarrassed on stage. I obviously wasn't, which is why I got embarrassed on stage. But like,

I was playing for life. You were playing to win that show, right? You, if you are someone who

plays not to lose, then you do need to create these incremental milestones that force the necessity.

To get you to do those things. I want to make sure I explain this well. When you did a body

building show, you were way more dialed in fitness than ever before that I'm assuming.

Okay. And the reason why is you didn't want to get left off stage, right? Okay, perfect. Good.

See, that is constructive. But it also came with that negative undertone of you had all kinds of

issues you got to lean. You dieted wrong. You hormones. So you, let's flip this over to you.

I think any short-term W that's like a win is only a win if it's for a greater trend line over time.

So if one day is going to lead to the second day, is going to lead to the third day,

is going to lead to your potential future partner, which you can't know for sure,

but you can know whether or not you're winning or losing at that overall. That's all it is. Zoom

out. Are you winning or losing at the long term? Because you can easily feel like you're winning

short-term. Good exact. Maybe the best example of this. I saw this recently. It was really

fucking cold this year. And people were like, oh, so much for global warming. It's like, no, this

is one, just one year. And by the way, the trend, so when the trend line is essentially a series of

averages, right? Yeah, the average is technically at a point. And it's, so if the average is going up,

the trend line is going up. The average average is going down the trend line is going up.

I have a perfect example. I'm sorry to interrupt you. This is great. So my client, when

I'm sharing this, keep an anonymous. Anyway, he has been taking this test and just grit, unbelievable.

I'm so proud of you, brother. He has failed it several times. I showed him the data. I said,

brother, you're going to pass on your ninth attempt statistically based on the trend line.

And no one will even know. No one will even know you're going to be certified. It's all good.

And he would have stopped if I didn't show him that data. I understand. Because he feels like he's

not going to win. But I said, you are winning. It was 42, 48, 52, 58. The trend lines up. Your two

points off pass fail 60 is passing. And it's a financial certification. My point is,

how many people quit too early because they don't see the trend line?

That might be like the best answer. I think that's probably the best answer.

Because everything, if it's, if you're short term, you don't see the trend line.

And you don't do enough inputs to actually move the needle. If you do, if you do it twice,

and it's a little better or a little worse, that doesn't mean it would have stayed that way,

or it wouldn't have sped up or slowed down or whatever. That's a good answer. That's a good answer.

It's good stuff. And feelings are short term. But other feelings are short term.

Self worth and self belief are long term. But the way I feel right now is like a short term

feeling. Your current state is a short term feeling. Don't make long term decisions based

on short term feelings. You said that on the previous episode I saw you on. Which, what was it?

Did I crush a clip came through of that show you were on recently?

Ah, with Zo, I believe. And you said don't make long term decisions based on short term emotions.

Wisdom, I have wisdom. Super exciting. If you're a podcast host looking for a guest,

obviously, Alan's been hammering shows and going on a ton of amazing shows adding value. I'm coming

back. Your boys coming back coming out of retirement. Super exciting. Super exciting.

Six months retirement. I feel like I've been out of the game for years. Speaking of trend lines.

Speaking, yeah, the trend line was up for a long time and then it started going down. All right.

We're not going to talk about next level of life because we said we were going to talk about

next level of life. That is a live event that happens every year. I'm not, it's not designed to

make you feel good. You're not going to be walking on fire or anything. You're going to be learning

and growing and evolving. So I'll give it a gentle, a gentle shout out. Next level nation, our

private Facebook group. We have the next level dreamliner. If you want to journal your way to

success, you aren't going to journal your way to success. It's going to help you on your journey

of success. It won't be the one thing. It'll be one of the many things.

Yeah. And if you're out there and you want someone who's going to show you the trend line,

who's going to keep you on track, keep you tracking to make sure that you're winning long-term.

I've spent my life trying to time myself a steam and self-worth and self-belief and self-confidence

to the trend line. We call it, one of my clients has a, his golden metric is trajectory over

everything. Trajectory matters more than present position and I will help you get on a positive

trajectory. And it's more affordable than you think. You can start with once every four weeks.

I have one client who just started and she's already mumping to twice or twice a month. So it starts

out with once every four weeks, once every two weeks, once every week and I have several that are

twice a week, three times a week, four times a week. So start small and we build.

As always, we love you. We appreciate you.

Grateful for each and every one of you. If you are as committed as you say you are,

it's getting to the next level. Make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be your every single day

to help you get there. Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. Next level nation.

Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. We love connecting with

the next level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything,

please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.