WHAT% OF YOUR BFFS BODY HAVE YOU SEEN? | MOST REPLAYED OF March

Can we say it at the same time,

what we reckon we've seen of each other?

Three, two, one, nine, two,

I've seen like the top of your butt and butt crack,

but I haven't seen your whole butt.

So you're saying that my whole butt

is about eight percent of my body?

Yeah.

Okay.

I haven't seen you with your foreskin pulled back.

So that's why, that's why it lost a couple of points.

My two-year-old daughter and I are sitting on a park bench.

She says, dad, I need to fart.

Bless her.

And I go, okay, and she goes, do you need to fart?

Always.

She just ripped the big, like she does massive farts.

Yeah.

Then dad had a crack and we both giggled

because farts are funny.

Totally.

And then this like six-year-old comes over

and sort of points like at my, like,

be a pussy.

I don't like, is he pointing at my butt?

Like did I shit myself?

He is the party place.

He's here about to shame us.

This six-year-old points at our legs

of this park bench and goes, mum,

found ya.

His 40-year-old mum was sitting

under the park bench the whole time

because they were playing hide and seek.

And we just gone and sat there on top of her

and both just let it run, right?

And he goes, found your chairs.

Oh, you got me and I went, oh, oh, we got you as well.

Yeah.

So I had to have like a proper, like, pain blocker

directly into my anger.

And then what actually did end up happening was

because after the surgery,

because you still have to have the prep,

so your tummy's still like a bit like,

your sheets are still a bit thin.

But the pressure in the asshole

from the like nerve blocker felt like I needed to poo

like the whole time, like,

because it was just like pressure on there.

So you feel like your turtleneck in the whole time anyway.

And then I was in bed and I thought that I was fine,

but because I couldn't feel it, I had she.

And then I shit on the floor in the bathroom

because I couldn't feel my asshole.

And I sat in my house and I was on the bed.

And I'm getting one in a few weeks.

So I probably don't need any of this shit.

No, I don't think this will happen to you

because I don't think you'll have to have the pain blocker

thing that I had.

So hang on.

You shut the bed.

You literally shut the bed.

So there's no poo in the bed because I rolled quick enough.

But I'm sitting there with my body on the bed,

but my ass off the bed.

And as I walked to the toilet,

the sheets fell out of my ass,

like Hansel and Gretel leaving a fucking trial

to get back to the witch's house.

And then I had literal plops of shit

from my bed to the toilet.

And some on the bath mat told me

I had to put that in the Samsung washing machine.

Not sponsored, but it would be.

I don't want it.

Samsung don't want it.

Question.

I think it would be totally fair

that even though we're all adults

and you can put it in the Samsung

and you can wash it and it's fine,

something about like,

throw it out.

If human shit's been on it,

yeah, toss it out.

Yeah, just fuck it off.

So because my asshole was so sensitive,

I couldn't actually wipe the shit out of it.

So I had to get in the shower.

Do we have to put it at the morning on this episode?

This is fucking...

I wasn't actually gonna tell you so,

I've got something else I was gonna tell about.

You keep waving this fucking thing at night, is it?

And then it was so like,

saw my asshole and so sensitive.

And I couldn't really,

it wasn't supposed to let still on the toilet,

it wasn't supposed to like,

you know, spend a lot of time in there.

So what are you supposed to do?

So then I got in the shower

and with the handheld thing,

I let tried to like,

reach around and like wash myself

like a handheld per day.

But I couldn't really reach it.

And I was still not really fuzzy

and not very well from the anesthetic.

So I just stood in the shower

and pulled my cheeks apart and tore up strengths now.

He loves me so much.

I was re-moughed by a passionate person.

I can't get any lower in this chair.

I know.

I couldn't get any lower in my moral value.

So true.

I know.

Coast.

I know.

So you just spread him.

Yeah.

And he just,

yeah.

So even though I was like a low moment,

was also a bit,

it was nice.

I felt very loved like because I was like,

well, what would I have done if we weren't that close?

You know what I mean?

I'm gonna ask you something.

Yeah, please.

Because can we mention something off air

about the pimples?

The pimples.

That you were like,

sometimes if I think I've got a pimple in a weird spot.

Oh yeah, if I've got like an ingrown hair or something,

my toes will have a look at it.

Yeah, yeah.

This sounds like a weird sexy thing to say.

And that's not how I mean it.

Okay.

How much time does tourb spend inspecting your body?

Not that much.

Like 6% of his day.

No, no, no.

Like this may be once a month, maybe.

Like at the most that I would be like,

oh, can you have a look at this thing?

Just because I'm like,

well, if I can't see it,

if it's like on my bar or like.

What about?

Because that feels like a lot.

No, but it doesn't.

Like I reckon I've had six stories of guys inspecting girls

before and they're all from you.

Yeah, we've been friends for a long time.

Yeah.

So, but I just think like,

what am I gonna do?

Like if I can't see it,

I would just be like,

oh, can you have a look at this?

Or if he's like,

oh, can you have like see if this pimple on my bum?

Like, is it ready?

Cause it's really sore or whatever.

Have you popped a bum pimple off his butt?

He doesn't let me pop anything.

Yeah.

Cause he's like, no, you know,

just like take care of it self.

I just want to know if it looks like infected or whatever.

Who's got the patient?

He's very patient.

Cause when he's.

When he's.

Like he's obviously very patient.

No, like it's.

But like who's got,

when there's a juicy one that could be popped?

Who's not popping?

He doesn't allow it.

Anyway, what I was gonna show you is that

they give you the discharge documents

and I've just highlighted one line for you to read out.

And this is like, so the doctor's been in.

She's said, all good.

Everything's happened.

And then this is what they give you on the way out.

What was the last time you gave me some paperwork

with some feedback?

What was that from?

The email that I wrote to the people

reading Libby's doorbell.

Yeah.

Oh, no, there was something else that was just like,

very self-grinch of the story.

Oh, it was probably about Berksbyn of Ember.

That like, Dr. Taylor had been like,

she is well on her way.

Yeah.

Read it out.

The bow preparation was excellent.

A Boston bow, don't know what that means.

Keep reading.

Preparation score.

No.

A Boston bow preparation score.

Oh, a Boston bow preparation score.

Nine.

Charles, Google, what the scale is.

The Boston bow preparation scale.

What's it out of?

Out of nine.

Nine out of nine.

Nine out of nine.

So I turned out, I am a motherfucking higher chiever.

Yeah, I shut on the floor.

Yeah, I shut on the floor.

Oh, good, though, because I'm a fucking nine out of nine.

Yeah, you did destroy a rug, but you are now an out of nine.

Nine out of nine.

Yeah, you're probably gonna die of cancer in the next three months.

But you are a nine out of nine.

I'm not gonna die of cancer in the next three months.

I just might find out I've got it.

Oh, and that's okay.

Then what happens?

Well, then I'll deal with it.

And you've already got a will.

I've already got a will.

Not according to the hospital law.

They did not want to hear about it.

Have we updated the will since Charles has been the new dog

sit-up?

Because I remember some other dog sit-up was very high

on the list.

Yeah, people.

And some people in this room, not on the list at all.

No, no one here is on the list at all, actually.

That's what makes it time to update it.

No, I think I'm happy with where it's at.

And you know what?

I wouldn't worry, because apparently the will means nothing,

because they don't even want to hear about it.

Yeah, they can talk about it.

So I don't think it really matters.

But yeah, so pretty good for me.

So I've had my colonoscopy, very proud of myself.

You're going shortly.

It's gonna be wonderful.

I'm just having a look at my bell.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, I can't learn anything worse than what I already,

like today's been an education.

Yeah.

But it's not bad for medical reasons.

Oh, I didn't need to read that before I need one.

What did you read?

Just like the depth they got.

Oh, what is it?

I haven't read, I haven't seen that.

I just saw that I did so well, and I was like,

that's made up.

Then I stopped paying attention, yeah.

Hey, Danny, you've had a few colonoscopies,

you ever gotten a knife?

I've never really seen my score.

I have the same document thing

that I should check.

You should check it.

I'll let you know.

I bet you've never gotten a knife.

Probably not.

I wonder how many people care as much.

I just couldn't believe it.

And you know, it was the first thing that they said to me

when I came out of anesthetic,

they wheeled me back into the recovery area or whatever.

And I was just like, and they were just like,

oh, how you feeling?

And I was like, yeah, are we all done?

Like, and they go, yeah, like it was a success.

And they say, girl, you've got the cleanest art

I've ever seen.

Your bow preparation was some of the best I've ever seen.

That's what Dr. Dast said.

I'm actually not even fucking you.

And she, and I was like, can you write that down?

And she goes, it's in the report.

Cause I was like, I want to remember this.

And then I fell back to sleep.

And then I woke up and I was like,

so I think I dreamt we were talking before.

She's like, no, we were, you fell asleep.

While we were talking.

I've just had a bit of a Google.

And so they're saying a large majority of people

normally get a seven or a six, six, seven,

but not there's not a lot out there who get a knife.

That's wonderful news.

I would take that to the grave probably soon

pending the cancer diagnosis.

What should I be aiming for?

I think a seven is wonderful.

I think I've got a 10 in me.

It doesn't go to 10.

No, that attitude.

That's what losers would say.

No, it doesn't go to 10.

It says they went in 15 centimeters with no difficulty.

Cause of my wonderful preparation.

That's the word no.

It feels like a race, doesn't it?

No, it was a loopy.

I played coil a little bit.

Yeah.

I didn't give it up straight away.

That's what everybody's like.

Yeah, just gave it up 15.

You've got the easiest dots all we've ever seen.

Clean by easy.

Couldn't touch both sides at once.

Withdrawal time is funny.

Cool.

All right, well, I've had enough now.

Okay.

I've got a lot to see.

I hope you've got those there for safekeeping.

Google the Bowscale and then you click images.

A lot of those pictures show up.

Mine.

Not yours, but that's it.

One of all the peoples.

Yeah, you've just seen a lot of highnesses.

My love to see it is from Lucas.

Hi, Lucas.

I find, okay.

Wonder what Lucas scored on the Boston Bowscale.

I'm actually not joking.

When you hear about Lucas and his life,

you'll be like, well, if anyone got a 10,

it was probably this guy.

Okay.

Don't you want that energy about it?

Yeah.

Because some people just,

you know, some people just do life right.

Some people ooze excellence.

You're looking at one.

I don't think that was excellence.

It was excrement.

It was something, yeah.

Some people just ooze excrement.

Do you know what?

I found out that uncle means uncle, not uncle.

You just said the same word twice.

No, I thought it was uncle.

As in like uncle Ryan.

Yeah.

But it's uncle.

Oh.

Like that's so uncle.

I thought it was like that's so uncle energy.

Like ill cringe, but it's like uncle.

Well, that's what they're making.

It's the same thing.

Is it like uncle?

Like uncle is totally uncle.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Oh.

But uncle means uncle not.

Give me your top three uncle things at the moment.

Personally, just like I'm not really vibing with this.

War uncle.

Ah.

That's how the Gen Zs are talking about

the state of the world right now.

If we're doing a top three and that's third, that's some.

Oh, no, there's a guy from the shop.

Oh, yeah.

Um, a bad match.

Oh, um, is this for me?

Or is this like how someone would talk on the internet?

Who's to say?

It's for you.

What are you not liking?

Oh, I'm not liking that I just can't be the right temperature

at the moment.

It is the opposite of uncle.

It's auntie.

LAUGHTER

I'm a flight attendant and I just watch strangers become lovers

in 80 minutes.

A late 40s woman.

Hard.

Window seat alone.

Hard.

The last person to board the flight is this old silver fox.

And he takes the aisle seat right next to it.

Rrrr.

Hello.

Just awkward small talk, standard stuff.

Sorry, I'm rattled because I know it's coming.

Yeah.

That's him.

And it's me.

He then leans over because the type of flight attendant

is like, oh, can I get you guys a drink?

Yeah.

Bag of peanuts will be scoff cookie.

So instead of leaning to the flight attendant

and putting his order in, the silver fox

leans to the lady and goes, I'm getting a margarita.

Do you want one?

Oh.

Like, just lay it down.

He's in that the boldest, hottest movie you've ever heard.

I'm going to have him.

I would crane my jeans.

So the type is taking the order.

And they're just standing there like, how's she going to react?

Like, he's just put it out there.

We've like, I know it's a short flight,

but we've just started, you know, and like,

and she sort of, you can see her thinking,

like she's taking it, like the silence is killing me.

Yeah.

I'm like, it's like I didn't breathe.

She turns to him and says,

Dracon, they do a spicy one.

The tarpa says, we do.

I did.

I go and get two margaritas.

Spicy.

Cheers.

Where was the lot?

Did I do cocktails on planes?

I don't know the airline and I don't know

which end of the plane they're at.

Oh, it might be the...

It feels like.

Because I don't think you could...

Like, normally they say, do you want an apple juice?

We've got no ice.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's the other day on the plane that someone was like,

could I get a cup of tea?

And they're like, we don't do hot drinks.

I'm like, I can't.

Great.

Great.

So what are you offering then?

Yeah.

What do you got on a available?

Sorry.

My first day, obviously.

What do you got by people?

The two spicy mugs were gone before I could blink.

They ordered another round.

By the time...

They must have been at the fancy end

because you can't just...

Yeah, can I get on that go?

Fuck you, I'm doing the whole plane.

I'll be back in seven hours.

They don't have to be another drink, like,

down the fucking near the toilet.

The first two were gone.

She drops off the next round

and then her hand is on his leg.

Oh.

And they're chatting and having a great time.

Laugh.

I hand on the legs a nice move, eh?

Especially after the laugh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A hand on the left, though, that gives me tingley pulse.

So then the tapa is a few rows back.

Yeah.

And...

Well, because he's working, he's, yeah.

He looks back and he sees them laughing.

And, you know, he can say, like, the top of the two heads

poking above the satellite of him.

Yeah.

And then he fixes up the next person

and then he looks back and he only sees the man's head.

Ha!

Not hers.

Now, I'm just gonna read this sentence.

Now you go.

You wouldn't want someone to suck your cock

that had just had two spicy margaradas.

Woo-chow.

No.

Right in your hook and eye.

Oh.

Like, imagine, I've got chili flakes on my lips and blood.

No, I've got my chili flakes on your dick.

Like, that would be a spicy, really.

As someone who likes a ply-day peat and then went and took a pierce,

it's a no for me and I'm feeling...

Or is that that would happen, right?

Or, or is that the greatest blowjob of his life?

Do you want to try it?

Yes.

I'm just gonna read this next sentence.

What?

Tony's so hiding behind her eye, Pat.

Why are you hiding?

What's happened?

Do you want a spicy mug?

No, I'm okay.

What just happened?

No, it's okay.

Charles, what just happened?

Go on.

It's laughing about the murder rate of penis.

We ask people to share.

And I'm gonna need you to share what just went through your mind.

Sorry.

No.

We can't expect people to share their stories with us

if we're not prepared to be honest and share our stories with them.

This one is especially criminal.

Ah!

So, you know how I had to do.

You know how recently we had a lot of colonoscopy chat.

Because you and I are both having broninoscopies.

Well, in the lead up to a colonoscopy, you have to do what?

I don't know if that's going well, that's already, yeah.

And.

And you've been partaking.

Performed the physical act of love.

Which is a gob.

Yeah.

And I swallowed, because I'm a lady.

You are a lady.

And I...

And Charles is like, oh, that was unreal.

And I was like, yeah.

And it's all good, because I'm on the white diet.

Who is this super fox getting gobbed?

The fox getting gobbed on a commercial flight.

And I want to know too.

They de-planged together.

Is that like industry chat?

What's de-planged?

Like de-robed?

No, like they got off the plane together.

Like when they landed, they left together.

He grabbed her.

If you've got a connecting flight, are you re-planing?

What's the...

I don't know.

Yeah, I de-planged.

I don't like that term.

You know people like overly, like you got off the plane.

It's like, you don't need a word for that.

Just get off.

Yeah, you fuck it.

What he did.

They de-planged together.

What died?

And we're laughing, like walking through the terminal.

And all...

So the tarpa and the other flight attendants.

Like obviously there's a lot of wings and nods.

Well, they would all be...

I would be.

You're gonna be like, are you saying this?

Yeah.

So they're kind of like, oh, let's see what happens here.

So they're kind of, you know, they're all going down

to the baggage carousel.

Yeah.

And then she kind of points to her bag.

And he just sort of goes, you wait.

I'll grab your bag for you.

That's a great move.

You and Charles always do that for me.

We do.

Yeah.

He grabs her bag from the carousel.

Then hands them to his driver,

who carries them, and then he escorts her

and says, oh, just jump in the back of the black SUV.

And then he jumps in after her and they drive off.

I would suck a rich guy off on a plane.

If you then didn't have to wait for an Uber.

Confession from a tarpa.

A tarpa.

My husband has been bragging around the house to me.

Oh.

That he made me squirt.

Oh, get it.

If only he knew the truth.

When Tony met Ryan, she had a pimple on her vagina.

I, it's at the tarpa.

I've only twice got a pimple, a pimple near the vimp.

A red mole next to me, red hole.

One morning we both woke up early and it was just on.

You know those times when it's like you just like,

it's just happening.

Yeah.

Don't you like those mornings?

I do.

I think that's nice.

Yeah.

And because often in the morning it's like you get up,

you got to get your shit together.

Yeah.

Like you don't have like time in there.

Yeah.

I'm assuming it's a Saturday morning.

I thought that too.

Yeah.

It's got Saturday morning energy.

It does.

Well, you don't have to be anywhere, normally.

I don't know place to be, so I'm doing that.

Yeah.

My husband did his thing, giving me a quality five star wienering.

Nice.

Relationship dick.

Mid performance, he unknowingly popped the pimple.

I'm moaned louder than I ever had before

and the people exploded all over his stomach.

He froze and then he looked up and he looked so proud of himself.

So proud I couldn't bear to tell him the truth.

And you can't.

When you go in.

You can't.

That's yeah.

To this day he still goes home, remember that time?

And she goes, oh baby.

Oh.

That's what you said to me.

Oh baby.

How would you say it?

Hey, Tony, remember that time.

Hi, mate.

You remember that time.

Hi, mate.

Remember that job.

I remember that time I fucking threw on him there.

Fucking ten four big dog.

Yeah.

No, hey, let's.

No.

Hey, I remember that time.

Yeah.

That's what I would say.

Yeah.

And that time it's like to talk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

To this day.

Have you ever squirted?

Me.

Yeah.

What's the definition of squirt?

Yeah.

What's the definition?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is there a version of it for boys where like you don't fully come, but you like half come

before you do a big come?

You mean like pre-come.

But does pre-come doesn't feel like it just comes out.

It's like, you know.

Yeah.

So what's the question?

No, but is there a version for, or is it just one of the awesome things about being a woman

like multiple orgasms?

It's just like awesome.

Probably.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, maybe they would have.

Should we go there tonight?

I am so horny for cast.

Chris.

What's it actually called?

We're staying above cast Adele tower.

Yeah.

And I went to high school with a girl called Crystal De La Pasta and every time I see it I call

it Crystal De La Pasta, but it's called Casa De La Pasta.

Well, hang on.

We can literally look because we're on the...

Yeah.

That's right.

Casa De La Pasta.

Yeah.

Crystal De La Pasta.

That's pretty close to be fair.

It's good.

Yeah.

Let's have dinner that tonight.

Yeah.

And we're just all fucking have a big squirt.

Oh, there's tubs.

I was thinking of the big...

Speaking of the ten four big dogs.

I will never ever correct them.

No, you really...

Let him have that, I think.

Yeah.

The only reason that I would say that you should correct him is if he did it, doing something

that you don't like and you don't want him to keep trying to eat.

Remember that time when I reached around and fucking threw it in the thing and...

Well, and she got more fuck...

You think I squirted, but I actually was like thinking about the casserole I'm making

for dinner.

Like...

And that's what got her going.

Yeah, she's like, oh my gosh.

I actually have squirted once.

Yeah.

Has been someone put a delicious casserole in front of me and I just went...

What's a casserole?

Is it just anything in a baked dish?

And I know that you know what I mean.

I think it is.

Is it like, is a lasagna, basically, a casserole?

Oh, fuck.

Then, not gonna let me eat Italy, I...

Oh my gosh.

That's just no way.

You said that in an eye shot of casserole pasta.

How fucking day.

How da crystal de la pasta is going?

Probably not squirting people.

I'm juice on her husband's stomach.

Better who will mind her say.

Maybe she is.

Maybe that she's the one that didn't know.

Maybe that she's the one that didn't know.

The top of did squirt.

Just wasn't the squirt you...

Well, he...

He...

He did.

Yeah.

Make her...

Yeah.

Squirt.

Yeah.

That's what I mean, lights.

Have you popped a pimple of mine?

You've got a nice look of mine on the back of your head that I've been fucking high on.

And I'm not a big pimple pop up, but it looks good.

Where?

It's just here.

I think it's just from when you've got...

Oh, yeah.

I think it's just like from when you've got your hair cut and they've done the close-show.

You know, as I'm easily ingrown?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

No, it's not for me.

Would you make me squirt on this podcast?

No, no, no, no.

And I think I would throw up.

And so would Charles.

Well, Charles is ready to go either way.

Charles is throwing up every day since we've been going on.

Legal little, that's a hard no.

Shall I make myself squirt on the podcast?

Turn around, show me.

Fuck, it's like ready to go, I reckon.

Go on.

Oh, no, it's too gross.

Is it going to hurt?

Is it too gross?

I didn't even know I had it until you.

Ah!

Hang on, show me.

You haven't gotten it.

It just looks red and angry.

Maybe it's not ready.

No, it's me ready.

No, it's not ready.

It hurts now.

Why did you make me do that?

I was trying to make you squirt.

You forced me to squirt.

Sorry, I love you.

Why didn't you just squirt?

I'll get you some cast of Delacristo.

Crystal Delacristo would never, oh, I'm turning now.

Yeah, it looks bad.

Maybe I should squeeze it more.

And pop it.

Oh!

It's bleeding.

Show me.

Oh.

It's the eternal line squirts on the show.

We'll be back in a minute.

Hang on, I gotta get that.

Oh!

We'll be back in a minute.