Why Honesty Wins Over Flattery [Day 133 - Orchos Tzaddikim | Flattery 7]

In Day 133 (p. 751 in the Treasure for Life edition), Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe continues the Gate of Flattery (Sha'ar HaChanufah), focusing on its dangers in leadership and relationships. A righteous man tests two suitors for his daughter by staging a quarrel and asking their judgment: one flatters to win favor, the other honestly rebukes—the honest one is chosen, as flattery corrupts trust. Leaders (Parnas/community head, Dayan/judge, Gabbai Tzedakah/charity distributor) must never flatter, lest the community follows evil paths, litigants feel silenced, or charity goes undeservedly—flattery undermines justice and reproof.

The worst flattery is enabling sin (e.g., encouraging transgressions like illicit relations or fraud by normalizing them—"it's not a big deal, join me"). Positive examples include flattering a wife for Shalom Bayit (genuine compliments to build harmony) and Yiravam ben Nevat's merit for rebuking Shlomo (without flattery) on the Milo construction. Rabbi Wolbe stresses: do good deeds purely L'shem Shamayim (for Heaven's sake), not to impress; distance from flattery entirely; and rebuke wisely when possible—flattery validates evil, closes Teshuvah doors, and corrupts society.

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This Podcast Series is Generously Underwritten by Peter & Becky Botvin

Recorded at TORCH Centre in the Levin Family Studios (B) to a live audience on January 12, 2026, in Houston, Texas.
Released as Podcast on March 15, 2026
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This series on Orchos Tzadikim/Ways of the Righteous is produced in partnership with Hachzek.
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We are using the Treasure of Life edition of the Orchos Tzadikkim (Published by Feldheim)

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About the Host:
Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH in Houston, brings decades of Torah scholarship to guide listeners in applying Jewish wisdom to daily life.  To directly send your questions, comments, and feedback, please email: [email protected]

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Other podcasts by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe: 

• NEW!! Hey Rabbi! Podcast: https://heyrabbi.transistor.fm/episodes
• Prayer Podcast: https://prayerpodcast.transistor.fm/episodes
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• Thinking Talmudist Podcast: https://talmud.transistor.fm/episodes
• Unboxing Judaism Podcast: https://unboxing.transistor.fm/episodes
• Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection: https://collection.transistor.fm/episodes

For a full listing of podcasts available by TORCH at http://podcast.torchweb.org
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Keywords:
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