X Minus One - A Gun For Dinosaur

President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in

Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years. But you can stop

them by voting yes by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let

voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections.

You compare prices when shopping for flights, hotels, cars,

so why not small business insurance? At Simply Business we'll show you policies that fit your

business and a range of prices to help you save. Who knew buying insurance could be so simple?

Visit SimplyBusiness.com for your free quote today. When you've got Omaha Stakes convenient

everyday protein waiting at home that what's for dinner panic turns into your weeknight win

and now's the time to buy during the Omaha Stakes spring savings event.

Save big on their exclusive lineup of mouthwatering steaks, gourmet burgers,

air chilled chicken, pork, seafood, and more. Go to OmahaStakes.com for an extra $35

off when you use promo code audio at checkout. That's OmahaStakes.com promo code AUDIO.

Terms apply seasite for details.

From the far horizons of the unknown come transcribed tales of new dimensions in time and space.

These are stories of the future adventures in which you'll live in a million could be years

on a thousand maybe worlds. The national broadcasting company in cooperation with Galaxy Science

Fiction Magazine presents

The Night Story. A Gun for Dinosaur by L. Sprake DeCamp.

A Just Whiskey, please. No soda. Ice, Mr. Rivers. Good heavens, no. I have been in America

for some time, but not that long. Well, to a fine dinosaur. Well, now just a moment, Mr.

Selegman, I won't take you hunting late Mesozoic dinosaur. Why not? How much do you weigh about

9 stone? 130 pounds. Yeah, I thought so. It's not heavy enough, but you're advertisement.

You said safari's arranged to any time. Well, I'll take you to any period in the Cinezoic.

I'll get you a shot at any intelligent or even mammoth or mastodon that they have fine heads.

But I'll jolly well not take you to the Jurassic or the Cretaceous. He's just too small. What's

my weight got to do with it? I'll look here. Oh boy, what did you think you were going to shoot

those dinosaur with? Well, I will look over here in this case. That's my own gun, a continental 600.

That shoots a pair of nitro express cartridges, the size of bananas. It's designed for knocking down

elephant, not just wounding them, but knocking them base over apex. Well, now I've handled guns.

Look, I've been guiding hunting parties for every 20 years, but I've never known a man your size

who could handle the six-naught naughty knocks him over. For people who have killed elephant with

lighter guns, even a 375. I guess, but consider an elephant weighs, well, let's say, from four to

six tons. You're planning to shoot reptiles weighing two to three times as much as an elephant.

I tell you, Mr. Selegman, I won't take anybody hunting dinosaur who can't handle a six-naught

north. Let's pour another drink and I'll tell you why.

You see, I went into the partnership with the Raj about five years ago. I call him that because

he's the hereditary monarch of Janpur. It means nothing, of course. We both wanted to do a bit

of hunting again, and Africa's all played out. It's too civilized now. So when we heard of Professor

Prahasker's time machine at Washington University, we caught the next planter St. Louis.

The foundation administering the machine had worked out an arrangement splitting the time

between scientific parties and hunters who wanted to try their luck at prehistoric game.

Hunters paid through the nose, of course, to support the project. Well, it was about

fifth safari that Courtney James showed up. He's what you chaps call her. Playboys, a big bloke,

handsome in a way. Flurry, beginning to turn to fat, who's on his fourth wife.

And when he showed up at the office with a blonde, I assumed that this was the fourth Mrs. James,

and he left her in the outer office and corrected my assumption.

Bunny? Oh no, she's not my wife. My wife is in Mexico, I think, getting a divorce.

But bunny here would like to go along. I'm sorry. We don't take ladies. Not to the

late Mrs. Zoe. If she wants to go, she'll go. She skis and flies my airplanes, so why shouldn't she?

There are enough risks at 85 million BC without adding to them. I'm sorry, but it's against the

firm's policy. Now look here, I'm paying you a lot of money. I'm entitled. You can't hire me to do

anything against my best judgment. Now if that's how you feel, get another guide. All right, all right.

But let me tell you.

Now it ended with my telling him to get out of the office or throw him out.

And I was thinking sadly of all that lovely money that James would have paid me.

When he came another side, and August hosting a slim bull chap with glasses.

Mr. Rivers, I don't want you to think I'm here under false pretenses. I'm really not much of an

outdoorsman and I'll probably be scared to death when I see a real dinosaur. Well, most of us

have frightened at first, but I doesn't do to speak of it. Well, you see, I've always run a grocery

store till my uncle died. Well, I've got a great deal of money now. I'm building a new house.

I'm engaged, you know, getting married. Well, I'm determined to hang a dinosaur head over my

fireplace or die in the attempt. A seretopsy, and I think that's the one with a big horned

head in the frill over the neck, isn't it? Well, you want to think twice about that, you know.

If you put a seven-foot seretopsy into a small living room, there's a

app to be no room left for anything else. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm determined to do

something big for once. Since there's no more real big game hunting, I'm going to shoot a dinosaur

and hang his head over my mantle. I'll never be happy otherwise.

The Roger and I decided to make it to the Middle Cretaceous. That's about

85 million years ago. It's the best period for dinosaur in Missouri. So we drove

Holt Singer into the country to let him try the six-nought nought. It's rather heavy. Look,

you look out. There's quite a kick. Couldn't you fire at prone? Oh, not a gun that big. There's

not enough give. You'd break your shoulder. All right, take the safety off. Like this?

Take my hand. I'll help you up. I thank you. I think I better try something smaller.

Well, he took a fancy to my mantis of 70, chambered for a 375 Magnum cartridge.

It's a little light for elephant and very definitely light for dinosaur, but we were in a hurry.

And then, of course, just before we were ready to trick, James showed up and apologized for

insulting me. He'd had a run in with the girl and he wanted to go along. And so we were off on

safari. You already, gentlemen? Why, yes, I suppose, huh? I'm Mr. Holt Singer. You've met my

partner, the Roger of Jean-Paure. How do you do, sir? How do you do? Well, shall we get cracking?

After you, Mr. Holt Singer? Mr. James, thank you. Let's get going. All set.

We'll slam the hatch and off we go.

What happened? Nothing till the force field is built up.

Then she goes. What happened to the lights? Well, there's no current while we're in transition.

I don't feel well. There's usually a touch of vertigo. I shouldn't worry about it. Look,

where do you shoot for? I mean with dinosaur. What is the best shot? Well, you don't try for his

brain, you know, they don't have any. But to be exact, they have a little bump about the size of

a tennis ball on the top of their spines. And you're not likely to hit it when it's embedded in

a six-foot skull. Now, try for the heart. They have big hearts over a hundred pounds. And exploding

shell in the heart will slow them down at least. Oh, how I see. Why do we have to go so far for a

game? Why couldn't we just go back 50 years and shoot lions in Africa? Well, the machine won't work

more recently than a hundred thousand years ago. Why? Well, I know for a dimensional expert on the

subject, but it has something to do with what they call time paradox. You know, if people could

go back to recent times, they might do something to affect history or kill their own grandfather,

you know. And there's also some kind of taboo about sending people back to the same time again.

Paradoxes mustn't have them. What would happen? I'm not sure, but the university isn't taking

chances. They've got about a billion years to cover. They won't run out of ears. Hello.

Here we go. With verbo care, help is always ready before, during, and after your stay.

We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great trip starts with

peace of mind. Warning, the following zippercruder radio spot you're about to hear is going to be

filled with efforts. When you're hiring, we at zippercruder know you can feel frustrated.

For lore and even, like your efforts are futile, and you can spend a fortune trying to find

fabulous people, only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. Fortunately, zippercruder

figured out how to fix all that. And right now, you can try zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com

slash zip. With zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations because we find the right people

for your roles fast, which is our absolute favorite effort. In fact, four out of five employers

who post on zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic. So whether you need

to hire four, 40, or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to zippercruder.com

slash zip to try zippercruder for free. Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip. Finally,

zippercruder.com slash zip. Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees that I don't

really need it. Infliction is killing me. But who cares? Big retailers are making record profits.

That's why we support the Durban Marshall credit card bill. See, things in credit unions help

small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources they need. While increasing

megastore profits. They deserve it. Don't they?

Tell Congress stop the Durban Marshall money grab for corporate megastores paid for by the

Electronic Payments Coalition. Well, cheers. Well, that's done it. April 24, 85 million years BC.

Now then, careful. Keep the safety on your gun and don't shoot unless I give the word.

Why? Why should we have to wait for you? Because I'm responsible for everything you do,

especially if something goes wrong. I say, Roger, open the door with you.

In this period, the time chamber materializes on top of a rocky rise. At the west,

you see the arm of the Kansas Sea that reaches across Missouri and the big swamp with the

sauropods live. To the east, the land slopes up to a plateau. It's good for serotonpsies.

But the finest thing about the Cretaceous is the climate. It's barmy like the South Sea islands.

Not so muggy as the Jurassic. Oh, we sent the time chamber back off and looked about. It was spring,

with the dwarf magnolias in bloom all over. Down towards the Kansas Sea,

psycads and willows grew while the uplands were covered with screwpins and ginkels.

Yeah, well, I'm no ruddy poet, but I can appreciate a beautiful scene.

Well, I was looking through the haze and sniffing the air.

I got him. I got him. What the devil? You see it there, girls?

Confound it, you idiot. I told you not to shoot without word from me.

And what happened? I don't know for my own. I wandered out of the cops. Mr. James gave him both

barrels. Miss. Now look here, James. One of the biggest dangers on a safari is trigger happy

sides who get panicky. You're not to shoot unless you're told you understand. Who do you think you

are to tell me when to shoot my own game? Now look here. Firstly, if you shoot off all your ammunition

before the trip is over, your gun won't be available in case of a pinch. And secondly, if you empty

both barrels, what would happen if a big thieropod should charge before you could reload? And finally,

it's not sporting to shoot everything inside. Is that clear? All right. All right. Well, now then,

first task is fresh meat.

As I told you, a hold singer wanted to sell a topsy in head. James insisted on a tyrannosaur,

then everybody would think that he'd shot the most dangerous game. Well, the fact is that tyrannosaurs

overrated. But everybody's read about the tyrant lizard. Well, he doesn't have the biggest head

of the thieropod. Oh, and he'll snap you up if he gets the chance. No fear. Oh, we started off

searching for meat. The raja and I put the sibes in front. We told them so that they'll get the first

shot, which is true, but another reason is that they're always tripping and falling with their guns

caught. And if the guy we're in front, he'd get shot.

Boneheads. Where? See, crouching over there, eating on those psychids.

It was about the size of a man. They look intelligent, and not likely that bulge on the head is

solid bone. And I didn't hold on there, James. You had your shot for the day. Or you're fired until

holding a shoot. Yeah, sure, sure. All right, go ahead, Mr. Holtzinger. It doesn't matter,

which one? No, here. Try that one by the rock. There's a good clear shot. Well, take your safety off.

Oh, go ahead now. Well, shh. I'm nuts. I've had enough of this. James, don't.

I got him clean right through the heart. First shot. How's that? I thought you were going to give

Holtzinger the first crack. It's his turn. Well, I waited. It took so long. I thought he'd

guttenbuck fever. Very well. But if this sort of thing happens once more, we leave you at camp

the next time we go out. The next couple of days, we trekked around the neighborhood,

and then headed over to the sauropods swamp, over to the west. We were staked out along the edge

of the lake, watching a big beggar out in the swamp waving his head about, and they're the big ones.

It looks something like the Brontezore.

Can't we shoot him? I wouldn't. Why not? Well, there's no point to it, and it's not sporting.

Like, if you kill one in the water, he sinks and can't be recovered. And if you kill one on land,

well, the only trophy is that little head on the top of that long neck. You can't bring that whole

beast back because he weighs 30 tons or more. That museum in New York got all. Oh, yes.

Well, they sent a party of 48 to the early Cretaceous with a 50 caliber machine gun.

They spent two solid months hacking and sawing the carcass apart and hauling it to the time machine.

I know the chap on the project, and he still has nightmares in which he smells decomposed dinosaur.

And they also had to kill a dozen big sauropods who came in for the party.

Then they had them lying around too. They lost three men.

Reggie, duck bill, where are they? Up there, the shoreline. I keep your voices down.

You see? With a crest on the back of their heads? Mr. Rivers, I've been thinking over what you said

about those heads. If I could get one of those duck builds, I'd be satisfied. It'd look big

and awful for my men. Oh, I'm sure of it, old boy. Well, let's be off. Roger, are you right here

with Mr. James? Shouldn't take us long.

Houghton and I, Cretaceous along the shoreline, narrowing the range to the duck builds.

I think I can make the shot from here. I'll be ready in a minute, my man.

Sure is loose.

He's getting away. I won't get a shot.

I'm afraid Mr. James has fired both barrels again.

James, that's the second time you spoiled my shots. I ought to be a fool.

I couldn't let them wander into camp stamping everything flat. There was no danger to that.

You can see that the water is deep offshore. It's just that our trigger of happy Mr. James

can't see any animal without shooting. And if it did get close, all you have to do is a thrower

stick a firewood at it. They're perfectly harmless. But how is I don't know? I believe I mentioned it.

Well, what are we on this miserable trip for except to shoot things? There are certain rules,

you know. You called yourselves hunters. I'm the only one who was hitting anything.

Now, just a moment, old man. You're behaving like a confounded skyte with more money than brains.

I should never have brought you along. That's how you feel. Give me some food and I'll go back

to the base for myself. Now, don't be a bigger ass than you can help. That's quite impossible.

All right, I'll go alone. I wouldn't want to pollute your air with my presence.

That's an attractive thought, but you better be content with him. Go and get lost or starve.

All right, I'll go after him.

When we stumbled along for several more days, James on his good behavior for a change,

and on the first of May, we broke camp and headed north to the hills. That was hot and sticky.

And we were soon panting and sweating like horses. When I picked up the smell of carrion and heard

the thrumming of the flies, we found a huge set of topsy and lying dead in a little hollow on the

edge of the cups. He must have weighed six or eight tons alive. Why couldn't I have gotten him

before he died? That would have made a darn fine head on your toes, Chaps. The sauropod that's been

at this carcass is probably nearby. How do you know? We see how the hides been ripped off and the

bones are scattered. Sauropods will hang around a carcass like this for weeks, gorging and then

sleeping their meals off for days at a time. What do we do? Well, that's what we came after.

But, Roger, you take Mr. James through that way and we'll parallel you 40 feet distance.

Now, keep your eyes open. It'd be hard to see in these woods unless you're right on top of him.

We pushed through the edge of the cups, looking for the huge flesh eater who'd been at the carcass.

I could hear James and the Roger pushing ahead on my ride.

We were separated by a gully when I heard a noise ahead on our left. What is it? I don't know.

Take the safety off your gun. Oh, there it is. It's one of those boneheads. Oh, well, they're not

dangerous at any rate, but be careful. That sauropod might still be around.

I've got him. Got him clean. Well, he's done it again. He shot the bonehead. I've got him.

Look out. Look out. Tire on his arm.

The tyranosaur heaved his head out of a shrubbery just in front of us.

The scientists can insist that Rex is bigger than Tionkeys, but I'll swear that this tyranosaur

was bigger than any Rex ever hatched. It must have stood 20 feet high and been 50 feet long.

I could see its big, bright eye and six-inch teeth. He'd been sleeping off his last meal

and James fired off both barrels over his head at the bonehead and woke the tyranosaur up.

Get back! Get back! You fools! Gun's empty and Roger can't get a shot. Found it. There goes the beast in

behind those ferns. Holtsinger! Holtsinger! Come back, your gun's too light for that beggar!

James came balding back in a panic and blended into the Roger, sending both of them sprawling

under the ferns. The tyranosaur came after them to snap them up. Holtsinger began to blaze away.

He got off three shots through the beast's body with that little light gun.

The tyranosaur whirled around to see what was stinging it. The jaws came open and the heads

swung around and down again. Holtsinger got off one more shot and tried to leap to one side.

The tyranosaur continued its lunge and caught him in its jaws as he fell.

Reggie! Reggie! Stand clear!

Hot! Hot's the only chance. It's no use. There he goes. Try a long shot.

Ah, Mr. Cleen. Poor Holtsinger. Well, that's the end. Stop screaming. Did you notice?

Oh yes. Well, I expect we best track the beast. It might be dying. We should try to recover

Holtsinger's remains. Yes, there's nothing else to do. No, nothing. The bad show all around.

And our later, we gave up and went back to the glade looking very dismal.

Where have you two been? We were occupied. The late Mr. Holtsinger. Remember, you shouldn't have gone

off and left me. None of those things might have come along. It's not bad enough to lose 100

through your stupidity. What? Sure, you put us in front of you so if anybody gets eaten, it's

one of us. That's you stinking little swine. If you hadn't been a first-class idiot and blown

those two battles again, this never would have happened. Holtsinger died trying to save your worthless

life. And I wish he'd failed. All right, I ought to. Now, then, my lad, but I'm glad you did

that. It gives me a chance. I've been waiting for. Now, get up. And I'll be glad to finish off.

You won't finish anybody off. All right, put your hands up. Both of you. Put that gun away.

Don't be an idiot. I won't let anybody do that to me. You can't get away with murder. Why not?

We'll be much left to you after you're hit with a 600-explosive shell. Nobody could prove anything.

They can't hold you for a murder 85 million years old. The statute of limitations, you know.

Nice work, Roger, I'll check there. A grittacious rock. Doesn't quite have the balance of a cricket

ball, but it's a bit harder. What? Well, suppose we tie this chap up and take him back to Canberra.

When the time transition chamber finally arrived, we fell over one another, getting into it.

We dumped James in a corner and threw the switches.

You two should have killed me back there. Why? You don't have a particularly good head.

You wouldn't look at all well over the mantle. You're gonna laugh, but I'll get you someday.

Yeah, close quarters, isn't it? Some day I'll find a way. I'll find a way and I'll get off scut-free, too.

My dear chap, if there was some way to do it, I'd have you charged with hosting his murder.

A cute bestlet well enough alone. Oh, no, I'll kill you. Both of you. Somehow.

Siggared, Roger. Thanks.

When we came out in the present, we handed him his empty gun,

and off he went. We paid everybody off, found that we were broke.

But quite luckily, a steel manufacturer turned up who wanted a mastodon head for his den.

While we were standing in the laboratory at the university waiting for the time chamber,

the technician, he's a bookish chap, a theoretical temporal physicist, was watching his dials and scopes.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Rivers, you've just missed him, huh?

Miss, too. That last client of yours, Mr. James.

Well, that's good luck. And what was he doing here?

Oh, he told me quite a tale, said he'd lost his wallet back there,

said it contained some very valuable papers.

Must have been valuable.

He paid the university fee of $5,000 for the use of the chamber. He's on his way back there now.

Back where?

Well, he told me to send him back a few minutes before he arrived the last time,

and then he could see himself drop the wallet.

He's going to stand there and watch himself come out.

Yeah, but doesn't that create what you chat call a paradox?

What happens when a man tries to occupy the same time twice?

Oh, we don't know. It's never been tried before.

Oh, we tried to warn him, but he insists.

Yes, I know. He's a headstrong chap.

Still, he wouldn't think he'd chance it just with the sake of a wallet.

Was he armed?

Yes.

He had a 375 express.

375.

Well, that's odd.

He knows it's too late for Dinosaur.

Yes, but not too late for a man.

And say, Roger, you don't think Mr. James is lurking behind a bushback there until we show up again,

planning to put us as we step out.

That's impossible.

We already did step out of the chamber, or nothing happened.

Yeah, but that was before Mr. James was waiting with an express rifle caught.

Hey, doctor, you mean he's he's planning to murder the two of you?

Wouldn't be a bit surprised.

No, yeah.

And I suppose there's anything you could do to stop the process now.

No, it's too late for chambers and transition now.

Look, hadn't you better get out of here before he kills you?

There's no point in running.

If Mr. James is theory is right, we've both been dead for 85 million years.

You might as well wait and see what happens.

Transition point coming up.

Well, it's been quite a world up to this point.

Hey, Roger, it is, right?

Here it goes.

Reggie, are you all right?

Well, I seem to be.

What happened?

The time chamber.

It's back.

We'd better get it open.

Good lord, look at that.

Galskley, isn't it?

Where did it come from?

I'm not sure.

But rather, I think it came from the middle of Cretaceous era.

Wasn't here a moment ago.

Galskley miss.

Looks as if every bone was pulverized in every blood vessel burst.

And they say, but that's his gun, all right?

It's James, there's no doubt of it.

So that's the story, Mr. Silligman.

Of course, I don't understand the mathematics,

but the ideas are rather easy to grasp.

Nobody had shot us when we first emerged

on the 24th of April, 85 million BC.

So, of course, that couldn't be changed.

The instant James started to do anything that would make a paradox.

The space-time forces snapped him forward

and ripped him to bits.

Well, they know a good deal about that now,

and there's a safety margin of 500 years between each trip.

You can't have paradoxes, you know, just isn't done.

And you see, I'm a lot more careful now.

I shouldn't have taken James when I knew what a spoiled, unstable sort he was.

Well, hosting either, when I saw that he was too small to shoot a dinosaur gun.

With a heavy gun, you probably have not the tyrannosaur down

and saved his own life.

So, Mr. Silligman, that's why I won't take you to that period, to hunt.

I'm sorry, but you're just too light.

You're not big enough to handle a gun for dinosaur.

You have just heard X-minus-1,

presented by the National Broadcasting Company,

in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine,

which this month features the story of a man who develops a spaceship that travels so fast,

that its pilots vanish mysteriously into thin air.

Read the Vaughan Shelton Story, Point of Departure,

in Galaxy Magazine, on your new stand now.

Tonight, by transcription,

X-minus-1 has brought you a gun for dinosaur,

a story from the pages of Galaxy, written by El Sprague Decant,

Patent Consultant, and one of our leading authors of Science Fiction.

It was adapted for radio by Ernest Canoy,

featured in the cast where Alistair Duncan,

Wendell Holmes, John Gibson, Donald Buca,

Warren Parker, and Alan Hubert, your announcer, Fred Collins.

X-minus-1 was directed by Daniel Sutter,

and is an NBC radio network production.

Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear

is going to be filled with F-words.

When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated.

For Lauren even,

like your efforts are futile,

and you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people,

only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine.

Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that.

And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip.

With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations,

because we find the right people for your roles fast,

which is our absolute favorite F word.

In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder,

get a quality candidate within the first day.

So whether you need to hire four,

40, or 400 people, get ready to meet first-rate talent.

Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zippercruder for free.

Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip.

Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip.

Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees that I don't really need it.

Infliction is killing me.

But who cares?

Big retailers that make it record profits.

That's why we support the Durban Marshall credit card bill.

See?

Things in credit unions help small businesses make payroll.

This bill would cut the vital resources they need.

While increasing Megastore profits.

They deserve it.

Don't they?

Tell Congress, stop the Durban Marshall money grab for corporate megastores.

Paid for it by the Electronic Payments Coalition.

Warning, the following zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear

is going to be filled with F words.

When you're hiring, we at zippercruder know you can feel frustrated.

For Lauren even.

Like your efforts are futile.

And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people.

Only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine.

Fortunately, zippercruder figured out how to fix all that.

And right now, you can try zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip.

With zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations.

Because we find the right people for your roles fast.

Which is our absolute favorite F word.

In fact, four out of five employers who post on zippercruder,

get a quality candidate within the first day.

Fantastic.

So whether you need to hire four, 40, or 400 people,

get ready to meet first rate talent.

Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try zippercruder for free.

Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip.

Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip.