"You Make 285,000 And Have Nothing To Show For It"

0:00Brought to you by CHO, a budget-friendly faith-based alternative to health insurance. CHministries.org slash budget. My husband and I have very different spending habits. He is more of a, in the moment kind of question, like, he sees something, he likes something he buys it. And then what happens is Friday comes and I can't say the babysitter. And he likes this rent and I like to be more organized with money and I respect that it's a way of living. But like yesterday we had a negative in our account. We're over $100,000 in debt and he hired guys to like do construction to extend their house. And you know, I respect his way of living, but I think you need to start respecting his way of living. I don't. That's how he's putting your entire family in jeopardy and in danger. Very stressful. I don't know how this demands respect. This isn't like, oh, he likes a shirt and he's going to go buy it. This is, this is bad.

1:01You can't, you're not even, you're not able to pay for your actual needs in life of what you're needing to do. How long have you been married? Five years. Okay. It sounds like you're at the end of your rope. Like you're like, I've talked to him. I've tried everything and nothing's worked. Is he combative? Is he defensive? What does he like when you approach him going, hey, what's up? We're $100,000 in debt and we can't pay for our bills. Are you not scared? Do you not feel a sense of urgency about this? How does he respond? He's like, no, I'm going to get at the positive next week or in a month or now. What we're fine is he's going to be fine. And sometimes he's right, but not always. No. Well, and so what what's going to have to change within him is that he may be fine, but his wife is scared to death. And his wife is stressed out. And so in order to love your wife, well, you actually have to surrender some of the things

2:02that you want in order to take care of her, right? And that's where this money stuff stops being money and it starts being marriage. It's marriage issues that your husband does not listen to you and doesn't respect you, Olivia, in order to change his behavior in order to... And again, you're not... You're... And what you're asking for is not crazy. Like, this is pretty basic math here that he's just completely going against. What can I... Is there anything I can do without changing him? I don't know if we sent myself maybe just so that I... I didn't stress about it all the time. For the short term you can, but for... That's not a long-term solution because if anything, it just continues to divide your marriage. The goal would be that you guys has a married couple, he, old, and find a path forward. And then the money habits and all of that follow. I don't want you to just avoid the issue by opening up your own accounts for the long-term.

3:03Now, for the short term, we can talk through some of that. If you really do feel like... You need enough money in your own account to pay the bills so you don't get... That's right. ...for closed-on. Yep. How much you guys make a year? When you're in the baby steps, every expense deserves a second look. And healthcare is one of the biggest. That's why I recommend Christian healthcare ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry and their program start at just $115 a month. A lot of families find CHM gives them more room in the budget and it's why members say they're better with CHM. Right now, new members can get a 50% credit towards their first month. Go to CHministries.org slash budget and use promo code Ramsey. How much you guys make a year? It's a luxury. The last year is a little bit high. High 200. Okay. Are you both working? I work for him. You work for him. Oh, I do. Okay. So how much do you bring home a paycheck?

4:05Like, does that... I don't give a salary, you know? I just work. So you work for him for this business? Yeah. And then all the money just flows into you all's checking account? Okay. Okay. What kind of work do you do? Um, you have instructions and I do is I do his books ironically. Mm-hmm. So you tell us what is the path forward for him to see this thing for what it is? You guys make $285,000 and you have nothing to show for it. You're going backwards every single month. I don't know. I guess then you can have a conversation with him, but how do I go about the conversation? Uh, usually the most productive way is more concentrating on you, Olivia, because the sad thing is you can't change him. You can... Right. You can, um, tell him and express to him exactly what you're feeling, what you're thinking, what your desires are. I mean, and at this point, Olivia, I mean, what your ultimatums are, right?

5:08Like you don't want to live like this for the rest of your life where you're scared you can't even pay your bills. And so, you know, ultimatum that if he doesn't do X, Y and Z, meaning like he doesn't, um, he doesn't spend over X amount with you without you both agreeing. He doesn't spend extra until X, Y and Z is paid. You know, these kind of things that, that is a, that's a normal way to live. And if he refuses to do that, um, then yeah, then, then you, I mean, I would be taking a salary then from the company and paying myself and having my own account until you guys can get it on the same page, right? And so there's some, um, and it's not like, um, I'm going to throw this in your face in a threatening way. It's more of a, I'm scared to death and I'm stressed. I'm losing sleep at night. I feel like I'm losing you as my husband. I don't feel like I'm being heard at all. I don't feel like we have equal value in this marriage. You know, this is how I'm feeling. And so in order for... Yes. And in order for, for us to move forward, if you don't do X, Y and Z, then these are the

6:11steps that I'm going to need to make this work for the short term. I have to cut myself. Yes. For the short term. Absolutely. Do you guys have kids? No. We have one kid. Okay. How old? How are the kids? He's one. Okay. Did that change anything for you guys and, in the marriage? Uh, yeah, I did because now when he spends on the kid, I can't see anything. He just looks for the kid. For the one-year-old. What does the one-year-old need? Yeah. Other than formula diapers. Okay. We have to see the $300 worth of toys. Okay. But you can say something, Olivia. This is your money, too. Just because it just because the purchase was designated to another person, it's your money. This is your money that he's spending, too. It's Y'all's money. I mean, that's what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say, you have as much money as you can say, and what is going on with this. And so, yeah, I mean, at that point, if you lay out your heart, and again, and we're being a little bit probably like hardcore because I want you to fight for you.

7:17But you can do this with a lot of calmness and humility and all of it, but yet be stern in what you're needing because that survival is what you're talking about. Right. And this is a solve problem because if you're high income, you guys can be debt free in 12 to 18 months. So this is not a lifetime of sacrifice if that's what he's thinking. It's, hey, we got a reset here. We don't have any financial foundation. We are at risk all over. We got payments up to our eyeballs while making almost $300,000. We should be doing better than we are. And if he can't see that, again, to Rachel's point, you're not going to change him in that point. You need to decide what you're going to do. I would not just be putting up with this going, well, he's just a stubborn guy. He has a preference to make us broke forever. It's not like he prefers tie and you like Mexican. This is far beyond that. Or he sells, you know, I don't want to be the kind of like, like, oh, I can't do this. He can't do that. He has been on that.

8:17Olivia, you're not. You're not. You're not. It's not like you guys have all this cash sitting around and he wants to go buy a ninja slushy on Amazon and you're like, you can't buy that. Like this is paying bills. This is keeping you guys afloat that you're not in the negative in your checking account. So to be out of 10, that is okay, Olivia. It calls for a 10. That is not you nagging. That's you having money. Yeah, the fact you guys make 300 grand and you're still going to debt every month, that's a problem. Yeah. And Olivia, you guys may want to go see a marriage therapist because the fact that that's even a thought within you, I need to be probably worked out. And I'm not saying that to shame you. I'm just saying like, what we're hearing the language around your marriage and how he needs to be treated. It sounds like you're tiptoeing when he needs to, he needs to get it. Man up. Christian health care ministries can save your family hundreds of dollars on health care

9:20every month. Learn more at CHministries.org slash budget.