You’re Not Stuck, You’re Just Avoiding the Hard

Hello friends, welcome to Level Up with Debbie Neal. I am your host. There is nowhere I would rather be than right here right now with you.

This podcast is all about leveling up in all aspects of our lives. Thank you for being here. I am so grateful.

I'm excited to be on this journey with you. Together we are Leveling Up. You ready?

Hello my Level Up friends and family. Welcome back. I have something that I a little bit exciting that I want to share with you.

I'm just going to be like a little teaser. So I have been working on something behind the scenes. I would say for the past maybe eight months.

It's been something on my mind and on my heart for a period of time, but it's come to life in the last eight months.

And the reason I'm sharing this little teaser is because in the next couple of weeks, you're going to know about it.

And I'm really excited to share this with you. So stay tuned for the good things and the exciting things and scary things that I am going to be talking about.

So today's topic. We're going to be talking about this. You're not stuck. You're just avoiding the hard thing.

So this conversation might make you feel a little bit uncomfortable, but I want to be really honest friends. You know you could always count on me for that. That's the point.

The point is I want you to feel a little bit uncomfortable. So the truth is most people are not stuck. Like, isn't it amazing that we're stuck?

Like, no, you're physically not cemented into the ground. You're not stuck. So people are not stuck. They're avoiding. So what are they avoiding?

They're avoiding hard conversations. They're avoiding difficult decisions. They're avoiding the risk. They're avoiding the uncomfortable action that would actually move their life forward, that would move the needle of their business forward.

And when you avoid long enough, you know what happens? That's when it feels like you're stuck. Like, what do I do? I forgot what to do. I don't know where to start.

It's like you've been off the bike so long. You're literally scared to get the pedals going. But the reality is is that you are not stuck.

Okay, repeat after me. I am not stuck. You're paused. You're hesitating. You're negotiating with fear. So this is what we're going to talk about. Okay.

So I want to start with talking about the lie that you're telling yourself that saying, I'm stuck because I hear this all the time. So I might hear things like, I'm stuck in my business.

I'm stuck in my career. I'm stuck in my goals. I'm stuck in what to do next. I'm stuck in my life. But if we really slow down and look at what's happening, we peel away the layers to this onion because we want to get to the core of it.

What we often discover is this. There is something you know that you need to do and we're not doing it.

So maybe it's making the call. Maybe it's launching your business. Maybe it's showing up. Maybe it's launching the thing. Maybe it's ending a relationship.

Maybe it's setting a boundary. It might be investing in yourself. It might be investing in your business. It might be showing up consistently when motivation is gone. And because they're not doing it.

Their life feels frozen. But the truth. The truth is that growth almost always sits on the other side of discomfort. And most people spend their lives trying to avoid discomfort.

And here's the thing about success. It requires you to do the hard thing. So this is something I've learned over years in business and years in leadership. Every level of success requires a new level of courage.

Not of talent, not of luck, but courage because every single time you level up, there's a new hard thing waiting for you. So a lot of times is referred to as your lid, your lid, that next thing that's holding you back from the next level.

When you start something new, the hard thing is putting yourself out there. When you start gaining traction, the hard thing is handling rejection. Keep going when nobody shows up.

Quieting out the noise. It's keeping the momentum going. It's continuing to develop leadership habits and qualities. When you start leading people, the hard thing is having difficult conversations and reminding like really cheering people on and really coaching them to win.

So often we think if we tell people what to do, that's enough. That's not leadership. That's like being a boss. When you start succeeding, the hard thing is maintaining discipline when nobody's watching. It's feeling the temptation to take your foot off the gas and breathe.

There will always be a hard thing. And the people who grow are the people who stop running from it. Like I did an episode. I don't even know what's like a lean in. It's actually called lean in. So there's this thing called the avoidance trap. Like we get trapped in avoiding.

So I want to talk about avoidance because here's the thing about avoidance. It's very, very sneaky. A lot of times it's not intentional. It doesn't always look like quitting.

Sometimes it looks like, gosh, I'm really busy. Like I'm working. Maybe you're answering emails, answering text, maybe you're scrolling social media. Maybe you're recognizing your to-do list. Maybe you're researching and other strategy.

Seeing what somebody else is doing. You're watching another training. You're setting goals. You're making a dream board. You're asking your mentor to strategize. Like you're active.

But you're not moving forward. And because the one thing that would actually change the game, you're avoiding it. And avoidance has a cost.

And so what does it cost you? It's costing you time. It definitely costs peace. It's costing you momentum. It's costing you confidence because every single day you avoid the thing that you know you should do.

Your belief in yourself shrinks a little bit and then a little bit and then a little bit. The compound effect is very powerful.

Whether you're talking about saving a little, which turns into a lot over time, or you're kind of killing your belief a little, and it's quadrupling over time.

And that's really dangerous. We want to understand as leaders, leaders that are looking to expand and grow and evolve and level up.

Your life is built by the hard decisions. So if you look back at the biggest breakthroughs in your life, the biggest breakthroughs in your business, they almost always came after a difficult moment.

Maybe a moment where you had to choose courage over comfort. Maybe it was leaving a job that deep down felt safe. But you know that it wasn't. Maybe it was starting a business when people doubted you. Maybe it was speaking up when it would have been easier to stay quiet.

Maybe it was betting on yourself when nobody else did those moments define your life. And what's interesting is this.

In the moment, the moment they're happening, they feel terrifying. But years later, gosh, they feel obvious. Like you look back and you think, of course I had to do that.

But at the time, it didn't feel obvious. At the time, it felt scary. It felt risky. It felt uncomfortable. It felt uncertain. And that's exactly why most people don't do it.

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So I want the hard thing you're avoiding right now. I want to take a moment. I want you to really think about what is the hard thing that you're avoiding right now.

I want you to just pause because there's probably something coming to your mind. When I said that right now, does something come to your mind? Maybe it's a decision and it could be a decision to move forward. It could be a conversation.

It could be an action. It's something that you know deep in your soul, you should be doing, but you've been putting it off. Maybe you've been putting it off for days. Maybe you've been putting it off for months, but you know what happens at months, months turn into years.

And every time you think about it, your brain is giving you reasons to wait. So now isn't the right time. I need to prepare more.

I'll do it next week. Maybe it's not meant to be. I love when people say, maybe it's not meant to be. I'll do it when things come down. But here's the truth. Waiting rarely makes the hard thing easier.

It usually makes it harder. The longer we wait, the harder it becomes. Because while you're waiting, see, we're always moving.

We're always moving. Something's always happening in this place called the in between. So while you're waiting, fear grows, doubt grows, stories that don't serve you grow.

And suddenly the thing that was difficult now becomes terrifying.

But here's something I want you to get excited about. Courage, because it takes courage, is built through action.

And people often say they want to feel confident. Like I want to feel ready. I want to feel confident before they act.

But confidence doesn't come before action. It comes after action. Confidence is your reward for having courage.

Like you picked up the phone, you did the thing, you asked, you shared every single time you were like, wow, I got another notch in my belief belt. I got another notch in my confidence belt.

The first time you do the hard thing, it feels scary. The second time, it feels uncomfortable. The third time, it feels manageable.

And the tenth time, you've just created a normal. Now it feels normal. But none of that happens if you never start.

And this is where so many people sabotage themselves. They're waiting to feel ready. But readiness is created through movement.

Like you feel ready in the process, you become ready in the process. And so our goal is to have discipline, develop discipline over waiting for motivation.

We wait for motivation. We wait for the next product. We wait for the next ace. We wait for the next opportunity.

So let's be really honest with ourselves here. You will not always feel motivated friends. Every day, I do not feel motivated every single day.

But I'm disciplined to my word. You will, you'll not always feel inspired. You will not always feel excited about the work required to reach your goals. That's normal.

But successful people understand something that's really important. Motivation is unreliable. Discipline is dependable.

That's powerful. Discipline is what carries you through the days when excitement disappears, when nobody's sharing for you. Maybe you're not in a winning season, but your discipline is going to keep you going to the next winning season.

It's what gets you up early. It's what makes you make the call. It's what pushes you to keep showing up when results are slow.

And discipline is built every time you choose the hard thing over the easy thing. And I want to talk about something I've been talking about this on on a few of my team calls.

I want you to think about the choice that breaks your heart. And so when I wrote down some notes on this, this is what it came from. I was talking to somebody about my business. I felt she'd be amazing at what I do for a living.

And so what she said was that now I listened to her first before I brought up my business, okay, or reminded her of my business. And I heard her son is getting married.

And she's like, I want to help so much more than I am. The most I could give is $2,000 and that's a stretch. She's like, that breaks my heart.

Her and her husband both work as teachers. He's doing like side jobs on the side. She's like, I never see him. He never sees the kids. It's breaking my heart.

There was a few other things that she kept saying, I don't know how we're going to retire. It's breaking my heart. My parents could use some help. I can't help them. It's breaking my heart.

But then on the flip side, when I shared my business, she's like, I can't sell. And I said, look, you can make a little bit. You could make a lot.

It's what you want to put into it. I'm here to help you. I'm here to guide you. I will never work your business more than you will work your business.

It's about activity. We want to get the business in front of people. We want to get the products in front of people. And she was resistant. So she was like, I can't put another thing on my plate.

Okay. I hear you. I don't want to get on call. I don't want to get on training calls. My gosh, we have amazing training. It's all free. Okay. I don't want to get in front of people. I can't sell.

So there was so many things of resisting the change or the growth. So I said, I need to ask you a question. All of these things you told me is breaking your heart.

Are you willing to break the stories in your head that you can sell or you're not willing to do a little bit more? Like, would you rather work more hours a week?

And maybe that's breaking your, your cycle or your rhythm or what you do every day or your comfort zone.

Do you want to break your heart or do you want to break the stories that you're telling yourself? Do you want to continue to break your heart?

Or you want to add a little bit more effort into your life so you could have more choices. So this is just another layer that people don't talk about enough.

And at some point in life, you have to choose. And what's heartbreaking is that so many people, just like this story I shared, lie in bed at night, thinking about the life they wish they had.

They think about retiring comfortably. They think about being able to say yes to experiences.

They think about helping their kids, whether that be just in general or weddings or college and helping their family and helping people in need.

They think about having options, about having choices. And the truth is not having those things can break your heart.

Not having the finances to retire when you want to. Not being able to say yes to opportunities.

Not being able to give someone that needs help. Those things can weigh on you. They sit in the back of your mind and they quietly break your heart.

But here's where the choice comes in. At the very same time, people tell themselves stories like, I can't sell. This isn't for me. I'm stuck. I'm not that type of person.

I don't want to put myself out there. What if people judge me? So they decide to stay comfortable. And in doing that, they also decide to stay limited.

And here's the real question that you have to ask yourself, what will break your heart more?

Saying no to the things you want to do in this really short life or stepping out of your comfort zone, telling yourself you're no longer willing to be stuck and taking steps towards becoming your best self and creating your best life.

Because either way, there's discomfort. Either way, there's risk. Either way, there's a motion. The difference is this. One leads to regret. The other leads to growth.

And so to become unstuck, like kind of when like we're just ready, we have to shift our identity. At some point, growth becomes less about strategy and more about identity.

So if you see yourself as somebody that doesn't achieve goals, if you see yourself as somebody who's always struggling, if you see yourself as just getting by, that's your identity.

So you stop asking, we'll talk about identity, what should I do? And you start asking, who do I need to become? Do you need to become someone who has hard conversations, someone who takes responsibility, someone who follows through, someone who stops making excuses, because success isn't just about actions.

It's about identity. And every time you face the hard thing, you reinforce the identity of becoming someone who rises to challenges instead of running from them.

Because when we avoid things, when we avoid growth, when we avoid the steps that we know we should take to the life that we know deep down that we want, there is a price of avoidance.

And here's the part that people really don't like to hear, avoiding the hard thing does not eliminate pain. It might be temporary, it just delays it. And often it actually multiplies the pain.

The conversation you avoid becomes a bigger conflict. The decision that you're delaying becomes a bigger problem.

The opportunity you hesitate on becomes someone else's success story. So avoidance feels comfortable in the moment.

But long term, it's incredibly expensive. It's inexpensive to your future, to your success, to your peace, to your confidence, to your well-being, to your belief.

And the power of one brave decision has the power to change your life. So that's the good news. You don't have to fix your whole life today.

You just have to do the next hard thing. One decision, one conversation, one bold step. Because one brave decision can change momentum.

And momentum changes everything. Once you move, clarity appears, confidence grows, your energy comes back, but it all starts with movement.

So I really want to challenge you. If you're telling yourself you're stuck, I'm calling on your greatness stop telling yourself you're stuck.

Get really honest about what you're avoiding and then do the brave thing. Make the call, start the project, build the business, create a vision for your life, live in your word, just level up.

Have the conversation, take the risk, choose growth over comfort, because the life you want is not hiding from you. It's there in plain sight. It's waiting on the other side of the hard thing.

And here's what I know about you. You're capable of more courage than you realize. You're stronger than the fear that has been holding you back.

And the moment you decide to face what you've been avoiding, everything can start to change. So don't wait for next month. Don't wait for next year.

If you're listening to this on when the podcast shops, we are at the end of the first quarter of the year, the end of the first quarter. Don't wait for next year.

Don't wait until you feel ready. Do the hard thing. Step out of your comfort zone. Choose the version of yourself that your future is waiting for and watch your entire life level up.

Love your friends. See you next episode.