112. Why Isn’t Everyone Becoming the One? with Sheleana Aiyana

Sometimes, in order for the manifestation to birth in your life, there's a clearing that needs

to happen first. I locked myself in the bathroom, I looked in the mirror, I couldn't recognize my own

reflection, and at that same moment, I felt as though the crown of my head just opened,

and I all of a sudden had this vision of me on stage, speaking to all of these women, and I got

this download, and it was, you're here to work with women and help them heal. That was sort of the

starting point of having an awakening, and I can remember walking down the street every morning,

and having these really beautiful visions of me surrounded by communities, surrounded by

you know, vibrancy in children, and just it was magic. And so I felt this first initial hit of

coming live and coming online. Was there a moment we were like, oh, I feel guided? There's a moment

you had crisis, or an epiphany, or was it a slow gradual awakening? You know, I think

sweet friends, it's Emily, and I want to welcome you to why isn't everyone becoming the one?

My guest today is Shalina Ayana, also known as Shea. She's the founder of Rising Woman,

and the author of a book that I felt like she wrote just for me, yet this book has sold millions

of copies. It's called Becoming the One, and it is a powerful guide into somatics,

shadow work, and conscious relationships, which is some of our favorite topics here at Ziva.

Now, this episode is for you if you keep attracting the same relationship in a different body.

If you're looping in the same patterns and thinking it's your partner that needs to change,

or if you're single and secretly wondering, am I doing this whole manifestation thing wrong?

Shea shares her journey from foster care and extremely abusive relationships

to becoming a guide for millions of women learning to come home to themselves.

We talk about the mother wound, the father wound, and what shadow work actually means,

not as self-blame, but as self-liberation. So if you're ready to stop looking for someone to complete

you, and remember that you were never incomplete, and why sometimes what feels like things falling

apart is actually the clearing that makes real love possible. So if you're ready to soften

to take responsibility for your patterns without shame and to build love from a place of wholeness,

then I invite you to enjoy this powerful conversation with Shea from Rising Woman.

Well, well, I feel so excited, like a little giddy actually, to get to meet you and to get to interview you.

For any of our listeners who don't know who you are yet, I actually feel honored to introduce you

to them. You are an extraordinary author. You are one of my favorite social media content. I think,

you know, I save things on Instagram, like under wisdom, and I think you're probably my most saved

account. Like the way that you synthesize astrology and women, and then like divine feminine,

and the way that you write is so simultaneously wise and clear. It's really rare and to have the

depth of knowledge and mastery that you have, but also the accessibility. And my marker of a master

is someone who can take very complex esoteric knowledge and communicate it in a way that people

can receive. And I think that you have that in spades. So thank you for your mastery. And thank you

for the lifetime of work that you've done on yourself. I think a lot of people think like, oh,

you know, she has 2.5 million Instagram followers. She's got millions of people who have read her

book. She's an astrologer. She's done all this work. She must have, you know, had it so easy,

or she must have come from a really healthy, loving household. And I know that that's not the case

that you were raised in a foster care system, that this work and this wisdom and knowledge is hard

to earn. And you had to practice it for your own survival. And so I'm curious to know,

like when in your journey, did you first sort of like wake up? Was there a moment? We were like,

oh, I feel guided. There's a moment you had crisis or epiphany. Or was it a slow gradual awakening?

It was a little bit of both. And just thank you also. I just want to really thank you because I feel

your depth and your medicine come through. And it's just always a pleasure to to meet people

like you. And then to hear that my work has impacted you because you're also somebody that I

really respect. So I just I really want to thank you for all that you said. And just to

gush on you a little bit more. So those of you who don't know. So I will do an intro properly,

but like Shailana Iyana, she's the author of the coming one. Whereas I read this book,

and I felt like you wrote this book for me. I have been single now for about a year and a half,

most two years. And this first time in my life, I've been single, like consciously and for a minute.

And there's so much beauty and depth and fear and shadow and all of it. It's like it's

blue light and the dark all mixed together. But for me, I can spiral into a story of like I'm doing

it wrong. Because I teach manifestation and I do desire to be in a relationship. So it's like,

well, if I'm not, am I doing something wrong? And this book was such a beautiful invitation for

me to deepen deep in with my inner child and to love myself and choose myself and be in my own

feelings and things like, of course, we know it consciously. Those of us are on the path. It's like

one thing to know it intellectually. And another thing to just be like, there's nothing wrong.

To feel it in the body. Feel it in the body. And to just keep connecting with our inner little ones.

Like no matter how many medicine journeys in Tantra, like I learned so many advanced

practices. And I just keep coming back to it. It's just about letting our little inner ones.

A hundred percent. Yeah. And I'd love to, at some point,

loop back to your point about manifestation as well in regards to becoming the one,

because and attracting a partner. Because that's something I really like to touch on as well.

So yeah, let us know like what? Because I think your journey's really fascinating to have

this step of wisdom and clarity and mastery. And to have called in, seemingly, like a really

healthy, beautiful relationship, but coming from a really intense background. I know that a lot of us,

you know, maybe for ourselves or for someone else, you might think like, oh, there's so much abuse

there. There's so much abandonment. There's so much wounding. There's no way you're going to

transcend that to get into a truly healthy relationship. But it feels like you have. Yeah.

So I'd love to just hear here about that journey. Yeah, you know, when you asked if there was one

specific moment like a crisis, you know, there, there really was, but there was also this thread

of spirit and aliveness with me from a very, very young age. So I was, you know, out of body

journeying and having pretty spiritually connected dreams by three years old. And so I really started

to have, I would say, spiritually deep experiences within myself quite young. And that's actually,

you know, at that age, I was experiencing trauma as well. And so I feel that there was a lot of

guidance coming to me through the spirit world when I was so young because I needed that tether.

And also, I think, you know, some of us who have trauma, we're just, we are more open in some ways

to both the light and the dark. So there was this thread of aliveness for me. But I did spend

a long time in a very unconscious, very self-sabotage dark place. And that was, you know,

in and out of foster homes addicted to crystal method 14 living on in and out of the streets with,

you know, sleeping on friends couches and in garages. And just generally not being a conscious

or loving person in any way. And what ages were you in foster homes? So I started going in at three.

And in and out until 16 at which point I moved out on my own became sort of like independent.

And started working two jobs and homeschooling myself. And and then by 19, I found myself in a

really abusive relationship that I'm really lucky to have survived. It was really, really catastrophic.

But there was a moment in that experience where I know will kind of save any gory details, but

I locked myself in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I couldn't recognize my own reflection.

And at that same moment, I felt as though the crown of my head just opened. And I all of a sudden

I had this vision of me on stage speaking to all of these women. And I got this download and it was

you're here to work with women and help them heal. And to, you know, heal from abuse. And it was

funny because I remember driving down the road with him one day and I told him that I had had that

vision. And he just kind of looked at me like what the heck, you know, because of course we were

in a very abusive dynamic. He's like, what do you say to that? So I obviously ended up leaving

that relationship. And then I met somebody who seemed like for anyone who feels like they're stuck

in a dynamic and they can get out of like, did you have help? Did you just like, you're like quite

cold turkey? Did you physically remove yourself? Like, or was it the fact that you have gotten the

vision that you're like, now I'm moving towards something versus away from the abuse?

So well, this is my story is really intense. So I want to be like, almost give a trigger warning

a little bit for people because the way that I got out is not, it's not a nice way actually.

It ended up being another very abusive situation. In fact, I was essentially kidnapped by

some other man when I went to go on a work trip. And that whole story is really intense, but

essentially I ended up with this other person for a while. And then I ended up in a dynamic

where he was not violent, but still abusive. And so I sort of just rested in that for a little bit.

I was quite disoriented, right? Keep in mind, I'm 19. I've come from a whole lifetime of childhood

trauma. Then I'm in a physically very, very abusive relationship. And then I get plucked out of that

into this other really disorienting dynamic. But this person is at least, you know, he's providing

stability for me. So I sort of just rested in that for a little while. And then I ended up just

packing up everything that I could one day when he was out because I had tried to leave multiple times.

And I ended up just packing up what I could and selling a few of my laptops that I had. And

just jetting and getting a little room. It was a bed in a living room with like a sheet

dividing the room up with there's three women total in this very small little apartment. And

and I just made it work. And so that was sort of the starting point of having an awakening. And I

can remember walking down the street every morning and having these really beautiful visions of

me surrounded by communities surrounded by, you know, vibrancy and children and just it was magic.

And so I felt this first initial hit of coming alive and coming online. But you know, I was 19,

20 years old at this point. So my version of awake was not that deep, not that introspective. It

was like, okay, crystals and spiritual language. And, you know, I can remember just learning about

observing your mind for the first time. And I thought, wow, what a concept. You know, I started

reading Dr. Nathaniel Brandon, how to raise yourself a steam and studying NLP. And that was sort

of my intro, right? So then I meet this guy and I'm 22 at this point. And I'm a real mess,

like totally a mess. And but he seems so kind and so nice and so safe. And so we just gravitate

toward each other and we end up in a relationship. And I, he lives in a different country,

lived in the US and he lived in Vegas at the time. And, you know, 22-year-old me thinks that's

really cool. And so he invites me to fly down there and he wants to come move to Canada,

move in with me and some of my other girlfriends. And so I fly down there and I get off the plane

and he picks me up and his car is so disgusting. Like it's full of garbage. It's just horrific.

And I can remember driving down the highway in Vegas thinking, what the heck am I doing here?

I need to just turn back around and leave. Like this is not right. But I don't, of course,

because 22-year-old me has no idea how to do that. And we get to his house and it's so dirty and

there's dust everywhere. And he doesn't have any money and he's expecting me to pay for everything.

And so I like buy him suitcases and pack him up and bring him back to Canada with me.

Oh no. Yeah, like I have some stories. So anyways, long story short with this guy is

you know, we stay together for a while. We stay together for a few years and he

just he's just a very helpless dependent kind of lazy guy. And I of course grew up with

the caretaking archetype and I learned how to be the rescuer and the saver. So perfect for me,

right? So I just step right in and I just take care of it all. And eventually we can't keep

hopping the border anymore because he's from another country and so am I. And so we get married

because we're like, what? Oh my god, this is too good. So here I am, like you know, what, 23, 24

years old. I think I'm like 24 or 25 even at this point. And we get married. And you know,

he's the kind of guy where when we're going to move, it would be too stressful for him. He can't

handle any stress at all. So I buy him a plane ticket and I send him away to go visit his friends

for two months while I organize everything pack everything, organize the movers unpack the whole

house, make it ready, and then fly him back. Okay, like we're talking serious mother son dynamic

here, like worse than because a mother, but at least teach her kid how to do chores.

Get your king and he's being treated like queen. He's being a princess. He's being a princess.

Absolutely. Yeah. So, you know, so of course, and this is something that I talk about a lot now is

now we we both played into our familial wounds so deeply together. He really held that mother wound

strongly and so did I, but we weren't aware of it and we weren't talking about it. And so our

dynamic was just really unhealthy and codependent and just not anything anybody would ever aspire to

be in. And so of course, when you turn somebody into your dependent and you emphasize and enable

their helplessness, you almost invite them to rebel against you as if you're their, you know,

devouring mother because they have to find themselves and they have to try to become a man. And so,

of course, what he did was betray me in every way. And so, you know, I lost my money, my business.

He left me with everything, all of our bills. He left the house full of his stuff for almost a year.

And he left with another woman that he had fallen in love with. Here's the interesting thing

about manifestation. Okay, so I'm laying in my bed one night staring up at the ceiling. This is

in my new book. And I think to myself, gosh, he's just such a burden and I really want to get rid

of this guy. I don't want to be in this relationship, but I can't bear the guilt of hurting him.

So I hope he falls in love with somebody else so that she can take care of him. It took two months.

There she was and she came and she took him. And so, but then, of course, because Shalina's never

done any of her inner work. She's never looked at any of her childhood wounds. She's never done any

shadow work. She's never processed anything from her past. As soon as, you know, he's gone. I see him

driving down the road. I run out there barefoot trying to chase his car down. And I am just

in a catastrophic meltdown inside. You know, I'm panicking. And then I have this vision of me three

years old kicking and screaming while my mom's just driving away after she dropped me off in the

night at foster home. So I'm having this full flashback. And in that very moment, I also had this

powerful, again, opening up the crown and just this relief wash over me because if this was about

that moment, if this was about little me, if this was about my inner child and my wounds,

then that meant that I didn't need him to come back. And it meant that I didn't need anything from

him in order to be okay, that this was an inside job. And so that was that crisis point, that

real awakening where I realized this was never, this was never about him. And so that's the moment

that marked the journey for me. That's where I began doing the deep inner work. And within a year,

I had started writing and sharing through a rising moment. It took years before I ever turned it

into an actual business, but that's how it started. Wow. Yeah. It's such an extreme, but clear example

of how that it's always about like reparenting ourselves and finding those traumatic moments

or those traumatic memories and then like being that safe, secure adult that we maybe didn't have,

but then giving that to ourselves. Absolutely. And so when you say your crown opens,

because you have twice, you look yourself in the mirror, your crown, at this moment that you're

like flashing back to your inner three-year-old who's big, you know, abandoned, which gives like

this sort of anxious attachment or hatred to the void and peace. What does that mean for you

when you say your crown opens? It's a sensation. It's a spontaneous sensation that I get. And I

write about this in my book, Becoming the One, how we all sort of receive information or insights

or truth or confirmation in our own unique ways. And I mean, you can look at human design even

for this, right? Like some of us have this emotional wave where we sleep on it. Some of us feel

this instant knowing, like I'm splenic authority. So it's instant. And you know, some of us hear

words or we see sentences or we get visual images. I get a little bit of a mix. I get this sensation

of literally a tunnel opening up through the top of my head where I just feel a connection. I don't

know what that is quite to explain it for you, but it's like a download that happens where I just

get a message. And I see full images of something and then I get clear sentences that just tell me

like one sentence of what's going to happen or what needs to happen or whatever the truth is in

that moment that will guide me. So that's sort of something that's been happening to me since I was

really small. Wow. Yeah. Cool. And you actually see a sentence. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm hearing it.

Yeah. Well, I hear it. And then I sometimes will see the actual vision, like the scene of it in

the future, which is, you know, always weird, but cool. Like I've actually met many of my friends

children before they even told me they were pregnant. And then when they have their kid, I'm like,

it looks exactly like the child that I saw. So it's fun and also weird. And it's not something

that I turn on or off. It's very spontaneous. Oh, interesting. You're not like, okay, I'm going

to go away. Like I'm reading spirit babies right now. You know, we're to teaching you how to

communicate to the unborn children. But it's so for you, it just happens when nature wants it,

not when you desire it. Yeah. I mean, I can, for the spirit baby connection, that one I can turn

on pretty, pretty quickly when I'm sitting with somebody. Generally, I'm, I'm right. You know,

I can sense what's in their field or I can see their baby. But often people's babies, they just come

to me. Like if there's a pregnant person in, in my living room, I've had this happen where

she was pregnant and her baby came to me while I was just having a shower. And so I knew her

baby was a girl, you know, just little things like that. Oh, well, I want to read actually,

because what you were just talking about, like, mothering this partner, I'm reading from your,

your amazing Instagram platform, surprising moment on mothering of romantic partner.

So good. When we mother our partners, we set ourselves up for betrayal. If you make everything

cozy for them and free from challenge, they have to rebel against you to metaphorically

individuate and find themselves. If here's the truth, the message we unknowingly send when we

try to take care of everything for them is I don't see you as capable. By caretaking them, we

think we're being loving, but we're actually lowering their sense of empowerment and removing the

challenge, the deeply crave and need in order to grow. I think this is so interesting for a lot of

of women who consider themselves like codependent or people, peasers or like avoided conflict

to keep the peace in their families and then can habituate that in their romantic partners.

Like, oh, I'll just make it really easy so that they'll love me and not recognizing that we're

then robbing them of the thing that a lot of men want, which is the challenge, the hunt, the chase,

and that the boundaries that could be like your, you setting boundaries as you kind of being in your

power and what are my yeses? What are my nose? And it's just such a fascinating,

physical relationships are an endless and ever changing playground for self and personal

development and it feels like that's been a lot of the crux of your work is using

relationships and conscious relationships as the syllabus ultimately for inner work. But can

you just explain to us like what is becoming the one and how does it emphasize

somatic work working with nature, astrology, even, and inner child work?

Yeah, so just to clarify too, I'm actually I'm not an astrologer. I have astrologers on my team

and that seems like you do a great job of synthesizing what's happening in the stars, but okay,

we're good to know. Yeah, I work with a group and I have astrologers on my team who are the ones

who are doing all the charts and then I actually help co-write everything so that it is synthesized

clear because that is my gift. But yeah, you know, are you a projector? I am six two. What's your

profile line? Five, three, but I'm a specific projector. But that's not the pride of continuing the

EOVA five. So we're both splenic projectors. Okay, yeah, I have an open throat which is, yeah,

which I think I'm like I'm good speaking in front of an audience. Yeah. Yeah, I have a defined throat

and so what's interesting is I have, there's a my marketing director who helps write my emails.

She has an open throat so she can like take on the voice of others and her and I we almost have

an identical chart except for my throat is defined and hers is open. It's really yeah,

anyways. I feel like you and I have some rabbit holes. But I've heard my friend Natalie

McNeil says that 2026 is going to be the year of the projectors because this is the age of synthesis.

Because you know, that's essentially what AI is. It's a three synthesizer and that what we need is

like not necessarily one modality, but how are all of these modalities synthesizing together to

serve humanity right now? Yeah, yeah, it's a it's something there's something there's a combination

of things that I do with people when when I work with them and it's I bring in their human

design. I get their chart red. We look at I know I know astrology very well. I just I don't call

myself an astrologer because that's not what I do, you know, but we look at their chart and we look

at, you know, what is your kairan? What where's your 10th house? Like what's going on in all of these

areas and then we kind of weave that together with the shadow work and the work in nature, but

you know, but becoming the one is a framework of coming home to yourself. And it is the idea

that conscious relationship is not about you and the other so much as it is about the cycle of you

and yourself, you and nature, you and other, you know, you and elements in spirit. And so it's

a circle of it's a web of relationship and your relationship to yourself is the foundation

from which all other relationships will either falter or flourish. And so that is the relationship

that we focus on. Becoming the one is really it's sort of a comeback to the idea that there is

a one out there for you that there's this, you know, other half, you're missing half, you know,

you're you're twin flame or something exactly. And so it's the idea that, you know,

we are actually we're programmed through, you know, religion and these types of narratives that

we're we're born sinners, we're born broken, we're incomplete. And and so becoming the one

is we are born whole, we are born complete. And what I believe is that many of us just forget. And so

it's a remembrance, it's not like a learning, it's a remembrance that we are whole. And it's a

remembrance of the divinity that is within us. And so what I see happen is that, you know, we come

into this world perfect and whole and innocent and this essence that is just so innately beautifully

connected to spirit God, whatever source energy you want to refer to. And I know this deeply

because I have a child and I see it, it's so clear. And and then through our conditioning,

because we're we're sort of cut off from that source in a way when we come to earth,

what I feel happens is that we project God onto our parents. And so we're we're constantly looking

for that source energy, that divinity. And we're eventually, you know, let down because humans are

humans and we're imperfect and we just can't get it all right. And so begins the search for divine

energy in another. And we're looking for somebody to complete us, make us whole, give us all the

love that we long for, meet those needs that didn't get met when we were small. And we can really

forget about the relationship we have with ourselves along the way. And so in becoming the one, I take

people through a journey of understanding who they are and, you know, the love that already exists

within them, but also exploring some of those wounds like the mother and the father wound. And

and the inner child understanding what is at the root of that? And if you were to

remove your mother and father from the pedestal of that archetype and just see them as human,

could that bring some relief perhaps? And if you were to tend to your inner child with the love

and devotion that you wish you had received, could that perhaps connect you back to your own

sense of your ability and capability to care for yourself? And then can we slowly move into

shadow work where we begin to see that we are the one at the helm and that we are the common

denominator in all of our relationships. And so whatever patterns or dynamics continue to repeat,

we have something to do with that. We're not responsible for everything, we're not responsible for

other people say or do, but we are responsible for the dynamic that we're in and how we respond to

it and how we show up for it. So doing that shadow work piece in a really self-compassionate way,

brings us into a state of self-awareness. And it also helps our relationships because if we are

in a constant cycle of blame and we think that the other person is always the problem, we're just

going to recycle people. Because we'll just be like, okay, well, there's something wrong with you,

things aren't working out the way that I plan, so I'm just going to get rid of you, I'm going to

find a new person and that's going to be better. But then the cycle repeats. So we have to go back

to the root, come home to the self, do that shadow work, what role are you playing in this? And then

we get into things like core values. What is it that you value and how have your values been

leading you so far? And what values do you need to bring to the forefront to lead in your life so

that your life reflects who we really are? And so that's the framework that we go into in my book,

which you've obviously read. And it feels like a really beautiful place for people to land after

any sort of breakdown or crisis or in a life transition. Yeah, it really is, it's so profound.

And I'm curious, how would you advise people on shadow work? Because that word, that term gets

thrown around a lot. I don't think I really understood it until very recently. For me, it took

someone that I love very much like bringing my shadow into, because it's in a shadow for a reason,

like we don't want to see that about ourselves. And then when we turn around, we can't see it.

So I'm curious, how do you define shadow work? And then how do you help people to see the thing

that we are actively protecting ourselves from about ourselves? The deepest fears, the things that

we don't want to acknowledge or see, sometimes out of self preservation and protection,

how do you invite people to see that with love and how do you create safety enough so that people

can even acknowledge, they don't want to see. I have a really, I can't wait for my next book to

come out. I'm going to send it to you as soon as it's out, but I have a really fun writing process

for this one. But you know, I will say it's multiple factors here. One of them is self-compassion.

You can't do shadow work if you have no sense of self-esteem. If you have a lot of self-flowing

and you already feel like you're to blame and you feel like you're not good enough, you're not

going to have that stable foundation to actually look at the role you've played in the breakdown of

your relationships or the dynamics that you're in without collapse. So we don't, we don't do what I

call shadow work or looking at our ego and the role that that guard dog is protecting, you know,

our self from until we have a base of self-compassion and we know that whatever we discover

has a purpose. So when we're looking at the ways that we perhaps aren't perfect or aren't always

so nice in our relationships or do play out our childhood wounds or do let our inner teen and

our anxiety or our anger or our fear or our resentment lead. We're owning those parts,

but we are not casting them away. We're not shunning them. We're not making them wrong. We're simply

owning them. And so when we bring these things to light, we can integrate. So a lot of my work is

actually about what what is integration. It's not about sorting through all of your parts and

getting rid of stuff. It's actually looking at the whole spectrum of you, you know, the all of it

and then bringing it into cohesive awareness. So you can also be playful with it, you know, so there's

I have a letter writing process in my my new book that's coming out next year and it's about

sort of writing a letter to your own shadow and owning it in a way that's funny and kind of

making fun of yourself a little bit for the ways that you you're not so best self. And I honestly

think that if we just bring a little bit of humor to it and we remember that there is literally

nobody on this planet who doesn't have a shadow, even, you know, these people that you think are

like so conscious and like just so, you know, self-aware and their their relationship must be

perfect because look at how they dress and they do these photo shoots in the river with their

little priestess ones or whatever. It's like no, like their relationship's probably chaos. So it's

like just let go of the comparison and the illusion and just know that, you know, everybody's human.

What's underneath there? What are those masks that you wear to stay safe? Where did you learn to

self-protect in order to be loved or to feel powerful in your life? You know, one of the masks that

I wore was like tough girl survivor. So like I'm actually super sensitive psychic, you know,

inward introspective woman has a little girl. If I'd see a criminal and his face was up on the

news, I would feel empathy for him, you know, I could tap into that so quickly, you know, even three

years old. But you can imagine being in out of foster homes and running on the streets with gang

kids who are in and out of jail, there's no room for vulnerability. So I had to toughen up quick,

otherwise I was just going to get beat up and thrown out. So, you know, the mask that I wore was

that nothing could hurt me, nothing could touch me. But in that, that meant nobody could either,

nobody could love me either. Nobody like nobody could get in. I remember at 14 years old in this

one foster home, I had this foster mom who I just loved so much. She was one of the first

loves that I had had in a really long time. And she came into my bedroom one day and she said,

I love you. And I froze. I couldn't say it back. I couldn't. And I desperately wanted to. I could

remember in my body just wishing that I could get the words out, but I was terrified because that's

how hardened I was, right? And so that's the shadow too. That's the mask. That's the protective

layer where nobody can get in. If we're able to look at those things and say, yeah, you know what,

in that dynamic, actually, I wasn't being vulnerable. Sure, maybe I continuously attract

unavailable avoidant men. But maybe actually what's true is that that's also a bit of a

protection mechanism so that I don't have to be vulnerable. If I can attract somebody who

is not going to invite me into my heart, who's not going to challenge me, who's not going to

try to see me, then I don't have to be seen. I can stay safe. And so where in our own lives,

in our own victimhood, I'm not talking about victimhood in the sense of like, you're an actual

victim of a crime. I'm talking about like that inner sense of helplessness. I have nothing to do

with what's happening in my life. And if we can identify that and say, well, I actually do play a

role, then we're free. Then we know we can actually do something to change it.

What I'm hearing you say is like a level of accountability and ownership, but not to the point

of blame or guilt, but rather like agency. It's liberation. It's liberation. And it's honestly,

it's funny in a way. It's humorous. When you really get down to it, especially when you do it

with a partner, even it's it's funny because we are all so human and we want so badly to get it

right. And we really want, you know, we want to be loved. We want to be seen a certain way. And we'll

do anything to try to get it sometimes, especially when we're living from the wound. And so the more

that we can free ourselves up to just be like, I'm imperfect. Here's where I am on a bad day.

I can be controlling. I can be messy. I can be critical. I can be harsh. I can be judgmental. Whatever

it is. Just owning it actually reduces the charge around it. The more you own something and give it

a seat at the table, the less it has to make itself known. Yeah, it feels like almost like the parts

work. Like when people do IFS or or inner child work, it's like, yeah, there's a part of me that

is guarded. There's a part of me that is jealous. There's a part of me that is terrified. Yeah.

Rather than be like, I am terrified. I am jealous. It doesn't have to be the entirety of who you are.

But if you can name it, and like you said, give it a seat at the table. There can be more love when

it's not the entirety of us. And I just theory around like monotheism and I don't even like to call

it polytheism, but just rather like seeing the many fractals of the divine and the many faces of the

divine. You know, like, how would we be different and how would we see the divinity inside of all

the parts of ourselves if we didn't just grow up with this one god, this one idea of good or bad,

right or wrong. And it sounds to me when you first started talking about becoming the one and the

work that you do. It sounds quite gnostic in its nature. It sounds like it is the gnostic

gospels of Mary Magdalene or Thomas, like these teachings that were, you know, removed from

Christianity as we know it and buried underground in Egypt, these teachings that like, hey,

you are whole and perfect. And you're not, you were not born wrong and you can bring heaven

into earth through your body. So I'm curious. You strike me as someone who's very soft. And I

mean that it's such a compliment. You strike me as someone who really chooses to have your heart

open. I don't feel a lot of guarding from you or, like, calcified shielding and hearing your

background in the ability, like the first woman who showed you like maternal, old love that you

failed out loud. I love you back. What was the process? How did you soften yourself and how do you

recommend people who are listening to this take a first step or deepen their softening process

opening up their hearts? They can not only give, but also receive more love. Yeah, it was such a long

and beautiful journey for me. And I think, you know, what I want to say is that some of the things

that I did, I actually wouldn't recommend to others. But that's why I wrote the book that I did.

And that's why I'm doing this work is because I've sort of found a way to bring people into that

space of healing without having to do all of the intense stuff that I did, you know, because a lot

of it, as you know, a six line in human design is very much trial and error and a lot of

intensity in those first 30 years. So I did so many things. I did breath work constantly. I was

doing rebirthing. I did a lot of mother and father wound work. I sat in so many ceremonies with

plant medicines of all kinds. I had some really, really potent experiences on ayahuasca, which I

don't necessarily recommend. But that was a big turning point for me, where in one ceremony,

I saw these two bubbles go up on the like screen in the sky. And it was my mother, but it was

mother archetype. And then it was woman. And I saw the split. And it was like, you have to let go

of this idea of mother archetype in this life. You didn't get that. She couldn't be that. She didn't

have the skills. She didn't have the foundation to embody mother archetype. But mother archetype is

the one who got it wrong. Mother archetype is the one who owed you something. Mother is the one,

mother archetype is the one who should have, but didn't that you're angry at. And woman is somebody

who you just have so much compassion for. Because she just fought for her life. And she's lucky to

be alive. And she did her very best. And she did love you. And she gave you all she could. And she

gave you this life. And so it was like, okay, I'm letting go of that archetype. I'm just going to see

her as woman. And so that alone really helped me because I could see the ways in which I was

attaching to this identity that she couldn't embody. And if I let that go, then I could be free.

And she could be free. And we can have a different kind of relationship. So doing that mother and

father wound work was really, really potent for me. And then doing a lot of somatic work, like a lot

somatic experiencing, different somatic practices. And understanding that the body is storing so

much memory. And so if you come home to your body, it's not enough to know the concepts you have

to embody them. Just like you said in the very beginning, you know, you're like, I have all this

knowledge, but it was something different to really feel it in the body. And that's where I like to

take people is to have the body actually digest and synthesize that knowing of wholeness. And then

of course, there's the practice practicing with I find friendships, other women, sisterhood, the

best place to practice. Like letting women take care of you and brush your hair and sing over

you on your birthday and tickle your back or give massages and just be fun and playful together.

You know, that's why I loved when in the meditation in the beginning, you were like,

broader inner children for us. And I was like, oh, that's so fun. And I really encourage women

to get into spaces where it's not competitive, it's not clicky, you know, have to be cool or

popular. You can just be yourself and you can just practice showing up as you. So those are

the some of the ways that you begin to take those walls down and through time and evidence that

it's safe, you will soften. So beautiful and so true. I just was in a seven month mastermind

with a beer sister in front of mine, Regina Thomas-Hauer and really big on sistering and like the amount

of somatic practicing and moving our rage, moving our sorrow and being in arrows together as well.

It's just so safe and so healing. And it's become such a huge part of my life. I mean,

I'm really lucky that my best friends are also like, you know, world-class somatic and totally

but when I'm so and then such a like echo chamber of it that it's hard for me to believe that

other people don't have this. I know. And I'm like, oh, why isn't everyone doing this? Why is it

everyone somatic experiencing or interrupting each other's hair or sistering each other? And

I'm curious to know your talk. Do you talk about the mother wound and the father wound? I have

this theory that right now we're I very much believe that our political leaders are like an

outpicturing of the collective consciousness right that we get the leaders that are expressive

of the collective state of consciousness. And oftentimes it's the shadow and the unintegrated

piece. And I think that for so many generations we've had like unhealed father wound and daddy

issues. And it feels like right now that is getting really kicked up in the collective in a way

that is forcing us to look at it and deal with it. And I'm noticing like I mean, I think people

have been in fight or fight for a long time. I mean, at least since 2020 quite actively is a

collective. And I'm seeing like a lot of like especially in the wellness community that people

attacking each other right now like this person hasn't posted this person did posted you posted

the wrong thing is like we're trying so desperately to find the enemy that we can persecute

because part of what seems to be happening is like look at this egregious abuse and their

potentially will be no consequences. And and then how does that kick up the victim? How does

that exacerbate the daddy wound? And and right now it feels like anytime shadows get highlighted

there is an opportunity for alchemy. There is an opportunity for integration. And so I'm just

curious if there's anything that you would like to share as to help people right now people

would have either been victims of abuse people who are finding themselves in fight or fight

people that are seeing their own daddy issues get kicked up like if there's advice that you would

give or ways that they could help regulate or ways to use this as an opportunity not only for

individual healing but also collective. Yeah well you know ultimately I think what you're seeing

is a reflection of the lack of initiation that we have in our culture. There's just a lack of

initiation and so there's nobody teaching people how to be in power responsibly and there's a lot

of abuse and betrayal and wounding that's happening and I see it as sort of a family system problem as

well because these are you know at the at the helm of in power we have all of these people who

clearly weren't loved and are desperate for power. And on a collective level there is

sort of a mass traumatization that I think is happening because of social media and the way

that we are constantly exposed to violence and abuse on a day-to-day basis at a level that is

just totally not what we're programmed for. And so you know especially right now with everything

that's happening I actually invite people especially those who have been victims of abuse and

violence to get off the screens, get off the phone and go out into nature and you know the father

wound in the collective is great and it's weaving throughout men and women it's permeating all of

our consciousness in some way and what I find really helpful again is to come back to the archetype

and to find places in nature where you do feel held and you do feel safe that you can anchor into

while you're moving through whatever it is that you're moving through. So I like to refer to

the elements for that so you know finding a place where you can just be held on a rock near a river

or being in the mountains you know rooted at their base of a tree where can you feel that

protection that safety in non-human form in the elements and it sounds maybe a little bit ambiguous

or vague for some people because they're like what are you talking about but you'll find that when

you get quiet and you go back to those places over and over and you actually allow yourself to feel

that safety and that energy you'll remember that you are whole and that you are safe and that you

can be held beyond you know the humans on this planet that maybe couldn't hold you or that are not safe

and I feel that that's all that each of us can do is actually be fully responsible for our own

healing and our own process so that we can make choices that reflect that and you know right now

what we're seeing is a real big shift and a big wake up where I think the walls are coming down

and we're seeing that we pedestal people and make them our gurus and we make them our sort of

goal posts and we don't know anything about them you know it's like look at some of these

celebrity authors and figureheads who quite clearly have a lot to work out some of them are literally

in the Epstein files and these are people that people have been following for decades you know

pedestaling and I think it's a real invitation to just come back to ourselves and to actually

anchor into self-trust again like being in our bodies and actually tuning into does this person

actually feel authentic like does this person actually have anything a value for me of wisdom for

me or are they just a celebrity you know and is there something that I could do for myself right now

is there is there a knowing within myself that perhaps I'm ignoring that I could come back to

what's I think is what's happening right now I think that's the shift that's coming

which I love yeah sort of hearing you say is like can we actually find a physical spot in nature a tree

a lake the grass the earth you can go back to and really feel held to connect back to the collective

mother I like to frame actually mother earth is our lover then we get out of this like a

martyr relationship with her and then make it more reciprocal but either way like feeling

held feeling safe yeah and then that you know that there's that we're shifting paradigms from this

guru pedestalization with politicians with leaders with celebrities with healers and instead like

looking through ourselves and I think that the tricky part there is that oftentimes part to me

part of the value of any sort of like celebrity healer is not just it's not just the person

yeah it's the community that forms around them yeah and I think there is a lot of loneliness

and silowness so it's like how do we not throw the baby out with the bath water like yes obviously

this is a sovereign journey and everybody's fucked up and everybody's God you know in equal measures

so it's like how do we not silo ourselves and be like I'm just going to do this alone

yeah while simultaneously not thinking that everyone anyone else is better than us or worse

well and I think that's the thing right is I mean I'm not suggesting that you don't follow

anybody or that you don't you know admire people's work I mean I admire lots of people's work I

love there's you know people that I will go to their workshops or take you know take a course

with them or whatever it is but I'll never give away my agency and I'll never take on their belief

just because they said that that's what's true I run everything through my own body and through my

own inner knowing even if I highly respect them you know I've worked with spiritual teachers for

years on end and I've had times where I say I don't believe that that doesn't feel true for me

I'm not going to teach that I'm not going to pass that on it doesn't mean that I don't respect

that teacher that I worked with or that I don't admire them or love what they've shared with me

but I am sovereign and what I think we all need to remember is that people are people they're

human beings there's nobody in who's embodying perfection for you so this person that you

may have on a pedestal that you think has all the answers they don't you know so they can they

can mirror certain things for you they can evoke and activate things for you they can be the person

that's there at the right time to awaken something in you and you can be deeply grateful for that

but still hold on to your own agency and allow your body to be the guide and yes to community oh my

gosh that's like my biggest mission in life is to help people heal their wounds so that they can be

in connection and it's not even about being in romantic relationship it's actually friendship

and community that I think is the most powerful healing thing and so the more that we are able

to rebuild our sense of self and trust ourselves the more we're going to call in those people

that we can actually build life in a new way with and you know it's funny how in our culture right

now especially you see the dating culture it's like oh I saw something on the New York Times or

something recently where it was like the new rules for dating in 2026 and it was like if he has a

roommate he's out or something that I was like okay I think I kind of get what you're saying and

like why not have a roommate why would you want to live alone in a box in New York if you could live

with somebody else and have kinship right it's like this whole weird thing of like everybody has to

have everything themselves and you have to do it all alone and you should you know be completely

independent and it's like actually that is not our nature our nature is skill sharing our nature is

I'm good at this you're good at that let's come together and create beauty and more peace and

freedom for ourselves you know so it's like get the ego out of the way what's true is relationship

hey man and I think I mean I hear what the maybe the the juxtapher is like hey maybe don't date

someone that you have to support and financially support they don't have their shit together but

yes to roommates in community I had a roommate two years ago I was living with Regina like we

lived together for four years and it was so fun it's so fun we would dance together and play

with my son and and it was made life so much sweeter but neither one of us were doing that because

we like couldn't pay our own rent it was like because we knew that this would be a value ad

for for our lives and it really got yeah and and you know some people are gonna come together

maybe they can't pay their own rent but if they're coming together and they're conscious and

aware and they're happy then that's really all that matters you know my husband and I we live

on 10 acres and in the forest on a little island and we have other people living on the land with us

and we have this beautiful community and my daughter got to grow up surrounded by aunties and uncles

and nightly dance parties and big family meals and we really got a sense of the village helping us

raise our daughter and I can't imagine another way oh I was just in Nosara this past week because

my son was on winter break yeah and there was like four or five friends who had their kids there

and they created a school there so they brought in like martial arts experts from China and all

these amazing teachers and all the kids would like have a bike gang to school they would surf the

morning and then bike to school together and then at night we would hang out and do dinner together

and it was it really felt like a village it was like you hit them a snack or like the kids would

hang out at their own table and it's I'm a like part-time single mom and so it's like the the

use on my nervous system from being like in a house by myself in the woods with my son to like

oh there's a whole community of other kids and other parents yeah yeah oh my gosh it's like

night and day I'm mothering with other people especially for me I found mothering with other women

around having aunties around it just made it so much more joyful you know and that's the baseline

like that's what I feel that we need the most so I'm really excited to start doing live events

and creating that maybe you'll be there I don't know so yeah I think it's really important that we

we do the healing work that's needed so that we can actually just be ourselves with each other and

and deepen those bonds because I think over the next five to ten years things are going to change

a lot and what I'd love to see is people actually prioritizing community again in a way that's

deeper than just oh I have a good friend network but like people are always saying that their

dream is to buy land and build communities together will like could we actually do that you know

and I think that it might be an SSD very soon exactly that might be part of this big awakening

and shifting of you know to me it's like the structures that have been built on unsustainable

foundations are coming down much quicker than I think we're prepared for yeah and and I think

my my prayer is that on the other side is this version of heaven on earth which certainly involves

more community more planetary paradise so I like to come back to this idea of manifesting where you

because you know a lot of people think like oh I'm gonna get what I want when actually you know

I believe and I like you do too we don't get what we want we get who we are yeah which is why

this idea of coming back to yourself and doing the inner work but coming the one healing the inner

child but like the more you can invest in your own relationship with yourself the more you can

heal and love and integrate those wounded parts of yourself inevitably that is going to change

the lens through which you perceive reality it's going to change the vibrational state of who you

are attracting and I think it changes even like what what lessons you need to learn I believe

that relationships are our spiritual syllabus and so if you can really like do that inner work it's

like then you're working at a PhD level versus a kindergarten level so just tell me about I know

there was something you wanted to come back to around metaphysical stage and and relationships

because I think that it's it's such an endless spiritual syllabus yeah and I'm curious and it feels

like you've dedicated so much of your life to it so I'd love to hear what you have to share with

folks around it yeah I want to touch on it because you know I heard what you said in the beginning

about you know maybe am I not manifesting right you know because I'm single and I hear this all

the time and I I think there's a side to manifestation that we don't often speak to which

is that sometimes in order for the manifestation to birth in your life there's a clearing that

needs to happen first and so when things are falling apart around you are everything is crumbling

or the slate is being wiped clean that's not necessarily a bad thing or a failure and it doesn't

mean you're not manifesting correctly it means that something in your life needs to be

cleared out in order for that thing that you're desiring or calling in to manifest

and to me that's a beautiful thing so there are cycles to how we live you know we operate on

these what I see is nine year cycles in numerology and so on that nine year what we see is there's

endings there's finishing there's tying up those loops right and we were in a collective nine

year in 2025 so we've just entered a one year in 2026 and I was also in my personal nine year

as well so it was double whammy but what we'll find is more in these nine years as as a collective

is there's a lot of loose ends that need to be tied up there's things that need to end and that is

the preparation so when we think about manifesting we think about the vision boards and the writing

everything down in your journal and just visualizing all the good things that happen so then when

something doesn't go our way we think all I've failed but instead I want you to reframe that as

this is preparation because sometimes we actually need to go through those painful moments to

gain the wisdom but also the capacity and the gratitude to hold what comes next.

Amen. Amen. It's just a good reminder I it's so fascinating because like what I and I think we

all teach well I'll speak for myself I teach the things that I need to remember the most

I teach meditation because I need to remember to surrender you know I teach meditation because

I like to put my attention on on what is possible but really it's been a big realization as

of lead is it really what I'm teaching I've only been teaching one thing and it's unmanifest and

manifest in order to create anything you have to go into the void in order to manifest anything you

have to go into the unmanifest that's the style of meditation that I teach you are just going into

the infinite potentiality into the quantum field and from that space of everything and nothing

is the fertile soil to plant the seeds for what you desire but if there is no space for that

you know um then you can't even plant the seeds and so thank you for the reminder that I've been

in this sort of death portal clearing the way over the past year and a half and it's easy to go

into what's wrong is there's something wrong and it's like nope this is the clearing of the

space the fertilizing of the soil the clearing the slate and and the huge expansion you know huge

amount of shadow work and inner child work so that what comes in next is like serving this next

job we're serving this next I love that and have you heard the poem by Wendell Berry about going

into the dark with the light I don't think so there's like a little song I love to sing it for you

because I feel like this one is so symbolic of what we're talking about so it's to go in the dark

with the light is to know the light to know dark go dark go without sight and you'll find that

the dark two blooms and sings and it's traveled by dark feet and dark wings

I have a little bit of a cold so it's hard to get that out but it's just it's a solstice song you

know and it's like going into the dark with a light is to know the light but to go to know the dark

you have to go dark oh good thank you for that thank you for your voice so as we start to bring

it to a close I'm curious to know like why do you think so the show is called why isn't everyone

doing this so why do you think everyone isn't becoming the one why are they not doing somatic

work shadow work why are they not investing in themselves in order to attract you know the things

that they desire there is so much distraction in the world and there are not we're not taught

that we are the one we're taught from very early that we need to conform and shift and

contort our identity in order to be loved or to be chosen and there's so much programming in the

world about you know finding a partner being good enough or being pretty enough or being

whatever enough and so it's all a distraction and so we really do forget that coming home to

ourselves is the most important foundation and so that's you know what I find in my mothering I've

said to people before I feel like my my greatest job in all of this as a mother is just to continue

to anger her back to what she already knows to be true and to be the guardrails to preserve her

essence it's not to teach her it's to help her continue to remember and so that is what I think

most of us are doing now we're remembering it's such a beautiful reframe on parenting that we're

here to learn from them really and yeah they put those guardrails of holding their connection to

the vine as long as they can and what if you could install one one coat one transmission one

gets into the collective of the species right now what would you love to install like wave

magic wand over the planet and everyone's like upgrade what would you love to have it would be

the the truth of impermanence I feel that if we could remember on a day-to-day basis of that we

are impermanent and that we're borrowing this place and that we're that would remind us also

that we're connected to it in a way that is so much deeper so I feel that our impermanence would

allow us to slow down and stop chasing and striving for more and better and bigger all the time

and allow us to really be in deep relationship in a way that is more reciprocal with others and with

the earth so help me understand because for a lot of people it's like well it's not not my house I can

just try I'm gonna go to football game and just leave my trash on the stadium grounds just leaving

how does impermanence invite us to take better care of ourselves in a way what I what I'm saying is

remember that you're gonna die not in a morbid way but in a beautiful way that reminds me of a

yeah hundred percent death rate you're not getting out of here alive so you're if you're spending

your whole life in distraction mode in chasing and striving and trying to pursue you know being

bigger and better and richer and having more but you're not deepening in love in connection to the

planet into your family to the ones that you love around you you're missing the point and so

in having a relationship with death where you remember your impermanence it also invites us to live

more in alignment with what actually matters that's it helps me all of the time because when I'm getting

distracted and I'm thinking about all these things that I want to achieve and create and I yes I

love to create I love it but that's not coming with me the only thing that's coming with me is how my

soul grows in this lifetime and it's gonna grow through love and reciprocity with the earth with

my partner with my daughter with my friends with the people that I work with and so that is the

foundation and if we remember that you know we're all gonna die we're all going back to the earth but

the earth is the thing that's holding us she's gonna continue it might shift the way that we

we operate and that would be my hope so beautiful it reminds me of they said that Michelangelo's

best sculpture was put in an ice mm-hmm I feel like that's much of motherhood right our

parenthood totally your greatest sculpture is just changing it's changing every day every moment

you cannot predict what's going to happen next well is there anything you wish that I had asked you

is there anything like man I really wanted to share this transmission or this anything you feel like

maybe no people aren't quite ready for just yet but that you're dying to share you know I think

you're an amazing interviewer and I loved this conversation so much everything that you asked

just really brought us into a very deep place I feel that we covered a lot of ground and I think

the message that I would anchor people back to is just remembering that self-compassion muscle

while you're doing this deeper inquiry of yourself and just know that it's safe to be all of you

yeah that God is not out of the light that God has got of all of it or in light your shadow

your your gifts your wounds it's all part of the comic book and I am so happy to finally meet

you think you feel I want to just really invite everyone to check out your book for coming the one

and now you have a journal yeah for coming the one a guided journal which I'm very excited to do

truly like I felt like when I listened to it I didn't read it but I listened to it

and it felt like you were talking exactly to me do you recommend this book for people who are

already in relationship or mostly yeah I think so yeah I have a lot of people who read it when

their interrelationship and helps them because their relationship better and you know people who

read it at all stages of their lives I think one of the things that I want to reiterate is that

you know when we talked about shadow work and looking at our own roles that we play in the breakdowns

of our relationships the reason that that can make our relationships better especially if we're in

one at the moment is because it also gives us the capacity to let our partners off the hook for

their imperfections so sometimes when my husband is really driving me crazy or I'm projecting a

bunch of stuff onto him I just tune in for a moment like what's it like to be with me right now

how's my energy frequency like what's my vibe in this moment actually he's also putting up with

me right and so when I can bring it home I'm not you know giving him a pass to be rude or dismissive

or any of those things I'm just simply owning my own frequency and remembering that I'm also

creating the climate in my home and it just really does benefit us all to let each other off the

hook a little bit and let ourselves be human and messy and and make it a little bit more light

and playful instead of having to be so serious all the time yeah it's just good advice that

I'm like my my coach used to say like be awesome to tell the truth too you don't expect everyone

to tell you the truth if you're terrible when you receive the truth you know and so it's like be

awesome to love be awesome to bring conflict to and that fact that's something that we can be in our

wheelhouse I love that like things are going awry how good am I to be in relationship with right now

yeah exactly yeah I used to have a spiritual teacher who one of the first things he would always

put up on the whiteboard when we would come into the room with new people if you would you date you

I would date me yeah good yeah I'm a good time

yeah it's a real good time I have no doubt about that my opinion tends to ride but it's a fun one

yes we all just want to have fun yeah exactly well I've had so much fun getting to know you and

truly thank you for your transmission thank you for the creativity and the generosity and the

synthesis that you have in this book and also on rising moment so those of you who are listening

if you've enjoyed this conversation I would love to know like what were your ahas what do you

feel inspired to check out regarding somatic work or shadow work or inner child work if you want to

screenshot this and tag us I'm at Ziva meditation she's at rising moment you can just you know

screenshot it and just say like what was your big takeaway and then in so doing you inspire other

people to receive this media as medicine and I know that both of us have big missions and we want

to birth the frequency of heaven on earth right here right now it's happening it's time like

we're in a massive transition and so I love you I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will see

you next week on why isn't everyone doing nice