291. Hello, Stranger: Why Curiosity Beats Charisma Every Time

What keeps us from being more social? Nick Epley calls it a “mind-reading mistake.”

We all think about what others think, particularly what they think about us. The problem, says Nick Epley, is that we’re almost always wrong.

Epley is a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business and author of A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection. What keeps people from engaging authentically, connecting deeply, and enjoying a meaningful social life? It comes down to an error of social cognition, “A mind-reading mistake,” Epley says. “If I don't think you want to talk to me, I won't try. And I'll never find out that I'm wrong about that.”

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Epley and host Matt Abrahams explore why we hold ourselves back from meaningful conversation, and what happens when we don’t. From taking an interest in others to sharing more freely about ourselves, Epley shares strategies for being a little more social — and making your life considerably better as a result.

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Episode Reference Links:

• Nick Epley
• Nick’s Book: A Little More Social
• Ep.133 From Good to Super: How Supercommunicators Unlock the Language of Connection

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Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (01:31) - Problems with Body Language
• (04:15) - Perspective Getting
• (07:14) - Asking Better Questions
• (08:41) - Moving Beyond Small Talk
• (10:13) - Why We Hold Back
• (11:33) - Advice For Introverts
• (15:17) - A Little More Social
• (18:34) - The Final Three Questions
• (24:45) - Conclusion