373: SCRUB STEP DADDY

0:00¿Quieres mejor internet? Cogs internet de 300 megas tiene las velocidades rápidas y confiables que buscas. Perfecto para streaming y gaming y trabajar desde casa. Todo por solo $45 dólares al mes cuando agregas Cogs Mobile. Incluye equipo de Wi-Fi y garantía de precio de dos años en tu plan. No esperes. Gámbite hoy a Cogs. Requiere Cogs Mobile que ganan limitar garantía de precio y incluyendo estas cargos, velocidad de datos moviles a reducer después de 20 gigas al mes. What the fuck did I talk into? Celebration. Celebration or what? What the fuck did I talk into? Celebration or what? Celebration or what? What the fuck? Celebration. I'm going to be honest, not one of these guys have a good pod. Not one of them. Are we in? I was looking at my phone to see what we were going to talk about. There's a plethora of things we were talking about. Oh, sorry. Plethora. You would read hell no. Audio books. Uh, Squadipoddy, creator, arrested in Utah for buying C, SP, got it.

1:01Wow, so that's... That's how he figured out that it would be useful. Excuse me? The Squadipod. Oh, he probably saw, like, his... He probably had kids in the basement, like, oh, damn, they need a toilet. Yo! Oh, hold on. You don't understand how stuff works. What do you mean? No, no, no. Yo, you know what it was? Wait. It was a step stool. It was a step stool to get into the toilet. That's exactly what he's talking about. Fuck! Like, I think... I don't remember being a kid, but I think you have to use one of those... I don't remember being a teenager. But, yeah, you saw... So, all we're doing is just shitting like kids are doing. Huh? Correct. All we're doing... Because a Squadipoddy is what you use. That's what kids use. Do they? Nobody in here has kids? I thought... Jack, don't you have one? I thought you had to, like, step... Yeah, they use it to, like, step up and use it for the bathroom. Right, but... Okay, first of all, okay, there's a lot going on wrong. Number one, what he bought. Insane, illegal. That's very... Can do that.

2:02Secondly, he's making money off things that are already existing. Is this right? He's making money... Like, they... Like, Fisher Price... Or whoever the fuck made these four kids to shit. He's like, oh, what if I made a business model on that for adults? I... I think the part that I'm missing is... The party party's existed for kids. That's how they get up to the... That's how they get up. Like, there's a stool next to the toilet so they can climb up on there. And then this fucking freak... You probably didn't use shit at his boyfriend's house. And then he, like, put his feet on it. Right. He had a better shit than that. And his poopies came out great. So, not only is he... Not a great guy, but he's also just making money off things that already existed. I'm trying to get this joke to work a few times. And every once in a while, I'll do it. I'll be like... If I see a bidet at your house, I'm fine with it. But if I see a squatty party at your house, kill yourself. I can't picture the thought of a grown man... You have to call it with me like... With your ass fully exposed at the door. Imagine I walk in, I just make direct contact with your eye hole.

3:04Can I say this though? It does work. And it is awesome. And it slides out. Like slides out. When your feet are up. Yeah. Like... Like just... I mean, it just... I don't even know... Like... Like frozen yogurt. Just... Just... And it's... There's no... It's just... Like an empty Pepsi bottle sound. I don't know. And, but don't they do this in Japan? I think they do a lot of stuff in Japan. They probably do. But you can't see it because it's burnt out. Zero laughs? How many laughs was that? Zero? A smurf from Alex. We liked it. We liked it. We liked it. The board liked it. The board did like it. Um... But it's... It's a crazy thing to be associated with a squatting party. And then... Then this is your next action. Yeah, buddy. Just stick to shit. Just stick to shit, man. See... Jail? For a long time.

4:04Yeah! Okay. Alright. He's gonna be squatting on some other news, Dick. That's a problem. He might like it. I don't know. Here's what I do know. Uh... Fuck. I mean... How... Go ahead, Jack. It's like... Does everyone who gets rich just become... Yes. Dude, I have a fucking joke about it. I go, what is the number? Because I need to know. Because I need to make right below that number. It's a literally new joke of my act. And I go, I want to make right then and then stop. Because... That's it. Come back, boom, jail. Literally my bit. I go... Yeah, I literally go. And then I forget about inflation. And then I start feeling it coming up. And I'm just telling the joke. And I start feeling it coming up. And I throw the person that works at a grocery store, my Rolex. And she goes, why are you doing that? Because I don't want to jerk off the Paw Patrol. Leave me alone. I love this. And that's a bit. Yeah.

5:05So this is the psychology is that the vast majority of rich people get their wealth by being selfish and screwing people over. Good people aren't willing to do that. So they get tired of screwing over adults and they start screwing over kids? Yeah, pretty much. Doing bits already, go ahead. Yeah. And that's the psychology. Good people don't tend to screw people over. Therefore they're good. Is there any CEOs that people like? That's cool. Or they all like chopped and cooked and... Chaps and cooked to me because... To just self-carrying. To his point. To his point. To his point. To each other massages. To his point though, you have to be a psycho. To get to the ranks of CEO of a major company. You have to be a psycho. You have to be a psycho to be in politics. You have to be a psycho to be a CEO. You have to be a psycho to be wealthy wealthy. Yes, sir. Do you think you're a psycho? Do I think I'm a psycho? I think I'm a psycho to a point. Yes. And then I have empathy. But I don't think... Right, right. I think these people are like money over fucking everything. It's interesting. Because money gives me power, because when I was younger, no one gave a fuck about me. Now I have power and everyone cares about me.

6:05Roll in toys or us. That felt like a Kanye West tweet. And to the new clipper, that's right there. There's your moment. If you want a clip for us, there you go. But I will say, what's funny is, these guys run companies with like 50,000 people. We run companies with three people. And none of them were kids. So the person that I'm the most insane to is myself. Yes. You know? Are inner childs. Whoa. Whoa. Hey, am I trying to fuck me inner child? If you touch yourself. Oh, shit. Squatty body. Oh, shit. Full circle. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just trying to pick up on what was going on in the news. And that was my algorithm out there. Yeah. Squatty body CEO. Can I just relax? What is happening? Absolutely. I mean, I don't get like, what is the impulse? I don't, I mean, I was, I don't fucking understand. But like, there should be, you know, there's those websites like Calche and all that. It's like, what's the next CEO that's going to go down?

7:05What's your guess? Squatty. After squatty potty, scrub daddy. Scrub daddy is great. Scrub daddy. He's going to be fucking dreaming his own cock with it one day and be like, yeah, call me daddy. Call me the scrub daddy. And what does the scrub daddy CEO look like? And please don't sue. I mean, no ill intent. If you guys want to do a brand deal, I will work. Oh, yeah, he's next. I mean, look at that thing. It's meant to get fucked in the mouth. Dude, you're right. Right. Yeah. Whoa, hold on, hold on. What, what, what if they have a scrub mama? And it's a soft sponge. And the mouth is just a pussy. It's a smile. But like, oh, they do have one. What the hell? Is it just the same thing with pink? Yeah, that's a little slow. Yeah, but they got to have like this, ooh, ooh, ooh, scrub step daddy. You just find it. You just find it. And they got felt in the mouth. I'm trying to make a flesh that they can also clean. Hey, you know what they should do?

8:06They should have a fleshlight where the condom they have to put on before you fuck to fleshlight is a sponge. So when you come, you're cleaning your fleshlight. Yo, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hear me out. You know how they, at the airport sometimes they have the saran wrap that goes around the bowl, then like rotates away. Yes. That, but in a fleshlight. I'm in. So you nut and throw it away. I'll give you 10%. Ron Shark Tank. TrevorWalls.com. I'm filming my specialist weekend in Arizona. We make Sarah's on a March 13th and 14th. I think the first two shows are sold out. So we added one. The late show Saturday, March 14th. Pull up, pull out. Do what you got to do. Very, very low tickets on all of those. I'm so excited to see you. And then a few other tickets left for New Jersey in New York on TrevorWalls.com and Boston, Massachusetts. The week after TrevorWalls.com. I love you all. Michael Blas time. Where are you going to be yelling about meat, feet, and everything above? Ladies and gents, today I'm in freaking pub desert. So a few tickets left. Go get them. March 14th. I'll be in Las Vegas. Sorry. This Saturday. My bad.

9:06I'll be in March. Jesus Christ. March 14th. Guys Saturday. Have a calendar. Las Vegas. All right. Low tickets. Biva. Sorry. Biva. And then the next date I need to do is April 9th. I'll be in Spokane, Washington. All right. April 10th. I'll be in Seattle. April 11th. I'll be in Eugene, Oregon. April 16th through the 18th. I'll be in Dayton, Ohio. May 8th. May 9th. I'll be in Calgary. May 29th through the 31st. I'll be in Charlotte. And then so many other dates. Guys, go get tickets at blog.com. That is blogcomedy.com. Ladies and gents, this podcast is sponsored by our boys at Shoppa 5. Starting something new isn't just hard as terrifying. Okay. So much work. Goes into this thing that you're, you know, you're not entirely sure. We'll work out. And it can be hard to make that leap of faith. Trust me. We know. When we started this podcast. All right. I wasn't even sure what I was doing. Okay. Well, what if no one listens? What if we made a fool of ourselves?

10:06All right. What if no one buys our fricking products? Now, I know we were writing believe in ourselves launching our podcast. Despite a little fears and hesitations, it also helps when you have a partner like Shoppa 5 on your side to help. Shoppa 5 is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world. And 10% of all e-commerce in the US from household names like skims and all birds. And dude, just fricking everyone, including us. Yes. Listen, what I love about them, they also, it's like you have your own employee. It's honestly awesome. Not only do they have 24-7 award-winning help that they can share their advice on, they also have AI that helps you with like product descriptions and like what you should write for product descriptions, pay tags on it, even enhance your product photography. Tackle all these important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and more. No need to save multiple websites trying to figure out what platform is hosting the tools

11:08that you need everything is all in one place. Making your life easier and your business operations smoother. So, it's time to turn those what ifs into cha-ching with Shoppa 5 2 Day sign up for $1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash socks go to shopify.com slash socks. That's shopify.com slash slash Oh my god. Yeah, I don't know what's happening, but I do know. What can I actually, I don't know. So scrub that issues to sponge. Yes, with a smile. All right, guys, I ran press the button. What are we doing? No, what are we doing? Why did a sponge? Why did a sponge just pick? Is it career going too well, buddy? Are you trying to throw yourself under the bus here? Why is a sponge? Dude, it's a modern day pet rock. But it's a fucking sponge. Yeah.

12:08But no, no, no, no, I think you missed my point. It's a sponge and they put a smile on it. But because doing the dishes isn't a smiling activity. So you're like, oh, these are the cute, like, buddy. You're thinking about it and like the content, like, fuck you on the comedian wave. Yeah. You got a target. And there's a mom. She's got four triplets. What? It was a buy-through. You get one free. Four triplets. But like, she got like 12 kids. She's so dragged down. She's exhausted. Yeah. Just buying all the school supplies. And then you see a sponge with a smile on it. That's kind of fun. I, I, yes. I hear that in the context of like, oh, it's a cute novelty thing. But this thing blew the fuck up. And I think the smile is literally, like, it's for something. I think you put your fingers in and your thumb or something. It's not just a smile. Well, it's for something. Hold on. The mouth is for a spoon. Say that. Oh, shit. Really? Yeah. And the eye holes are like for like a knife for you to like easily just.

13:08What about a dagger? Uh, I'll pull it up again. Yeah. Can I see a little demonstration? But, but I think this is all like an accidental mistake. Like, they made this. No, I think they, no, no, no, they did make it for that. I remember. But the outside could be for either of those either. When it's in warm water, it's soft and squishy. But when you put it in cold water. It's got some grip on the top. Yeah. It does, dude. Hold up. Yo, see? Oh. Yeah. I knew there's a reason for it. Yo, fuck. I need one of these. All right. I'm back in. But they're going to make just every e-mode ever. Like, they can make it a frowning one and be like, doesn't it show up doing the dishes? Turn it upside down. I mean, that's great. Yeah. That's a really great. Yeah. But, uh, I think. Did we watch someone's pot of fruit? But like, the whole thing is like, he made this. No one gave a absolute fuck. And he had like a whole warehouse like 80,000 of these. And then five years later, people started liking him. Oh, you're right. Remember, didn't we watch this shit? I don't remember. Um, I'm going to be honest. I need to scrub that.

14:08Because that looks. That looked it. It looks great. Anyways, sponsor the party, fucks. So this is the next guy who's going to touch himself? No, I don't know. He's probably. What's worse? Let me just do this. All right. Being a comedian, people always pitching you jokes or being on Shark Tank and everybody always pitching you inventions. Probably Shark Tank. Yeah. Because the joke is like, yeah. Bull frogs. Am I right? I thought, am I right? Yeah. So, you know, it's a stop light, but it's also a gold light. And you're like, what, where, where does this? 100 mil. Like, have you sold any it? No. No, it's just an idea. Um, no, it's got to be really annoying. Also, you sign up for it though, if you're on fucking Shark Tank. Also, you know what I don't like? I don't like when I see people on Shark Tank that I'm like, what the fuck did you do? What did you do to be on Shark Tank? You didn't invent shit. You own a company. And you're going to tell a guy who invented that money. Yeah, I know. But that's, that's so stupid. Yeah, but they need the money. So, they're going to the right people. Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying the people that are the, the host, I mean, the host telling,

15:08no, no, no, no. The host telling the people that this is a bad idea. Bitch, what did you do? You own the Dallas Mavericks? Congratulations. I don't want to hear a talking about it. I have no idea. You know what I mean? It's something, it's something to want to watch like the, not the voice. Uh, uh, what's a talent show that fucking. How's the man dials on? America's got talent. Yep. There we go. Yeah, is it? Yeah. Yeah, AGT. Who's the hidey, hidey clown? She's like, ah, I don't like you. Shut the fuck up. What does you do? You walk the catwalk. You're 5-11. Congratulations. You're telling this fucking, did you tell this guy who's making doves disappear? That it's not good? Fuck you. Yeah. What the hell? In porn stars can bring an a specialist for every single signature ever. Thank you so much, dude. And why can't AGT bring an a specialist for every talent? I got it. We got a magician. Cool. David Blaine. Yes. We got a, uh, uh, uh, a trapezo artist. Someone that does that. I like this. I like this. I like this. But don't tell me that I suck a mic thing. You don't even know. How are you telling me that? Well, that's my whole thing with, uh, uh, whatever the hell is on Netflix right now.

16:08But we love Netflix. Netflix is great. Um, what is it? Star Search? Star Search? Is that it? Star Search? Yeah. It's like Jelly Roll. Bless the man. But every person that comes up, he goes, listen, I have no idea what's going on with that type of dancing. I couldn't do that. Uh, but four out of five. You know, like, yeah. But at least he's saying it. How did it go? That's true. I'm fucking putting down a, I, I don't like, I don't like your jokes. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Let me see your type five. Interesting. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah. Well, that's crazy. Tell me. Specialist for all that. It's like, I think have on Shark Tank the four sharks. Yep. Four or five. Have the sharks. And then it's, uh, somebody, uh, an inventor or something over there who can like, um, break down logic and ask questions to see if they should want to invest. I will say, I'm going to, I'm going to retract a little bit of what I said about Shark Tank. Generally they, they do have ideas about the actual products. Yeah. But they more so ask like the internal numbers and they go, well, that's not going to work because XYZ, how many you sell. So I'll retract a bid on Shark Tank because they do understand business.

17:10But I don't like when they go, I don't like the idea. How do you know about beef jerky? I saw someone, one of the woman comes in and it's about like, um, like the, about farmers like trying to undercut the whole like meat, uh, like big meat or some shit. I'm serious. Sorry. No, but it's like, essentially, but they were like, oh, this is not a good idea, whatever, whatever. It's like, how the fuck you know about farming? You're not a farmer. Yeah. You have no idea if this is not a good idea or not. It just makes me upset. It's like fucking people, rolling people's dreams. I like the thing about the, uh, the whole, everyone said, fuck you to ring cam. And then ring cam was, oh, yeah, watch this bitch. And now it's $19 billion. Now every place has that because if you had a camera pre ring camera, you had to get like a whole ADT system installed. ADT is pissed. And you had to, yeah, why haven't they dropped their own? I think they have. Ding camera. Dang. But like to have to have a security system back in there, I feel like $20,000.

18:12I can just like Amazon some bitch and charge it once a month. Oh, brand deal for a ring camera. I mean, we need a brand deal for multiple, like, so like a multitude of brands at this point. We've mentioned like 600 brands. Ring dong. Do you have a, uh, what's it called? Security system? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. What? Talk to me, Daddy. That's something you just definitely always say yes to no matter what. Oh, you're right. Oh, you're right. No, nothing. There's actually no passcode. And also my iPhone has no, yeah, no passcode. I leave my door wide open all the time. I'm on the road at time. Yeah, my place is heavily strapped. It's all the shit. Yeah. No, I got a, I got a guy up top of the sniper. It's pretty crazy. Yeah, we're seeing home alone too. That's me. I have a kid inside. Hold on. Fuck. And a squirey party. Call back. What were you going to say? No, but I have cameras everywhere. Um, but the only reason I brought this up, I don't even know why. There's this lady in her dog. She keeps walking the dog like up to my front door step to piss and shit.

19:14Don't like it. Let me show you a screenshot. How far this fucking lady goes. Oh, air drop it. Yeah. And listen. I don't like it. That's funny. Because you talked about this a few weeks ago. I think I found my culprit. This is when I know that I'm finally growing up. Is I, I have my first, like, H.O.A. problem. You know, you know. I know. I know exactly. Some, some bitch. Oh, I got one too, but I can't go. Please finish yours. Um, yeah, I got, I got my first neighborhood beef. And I, and I get a notification almost every day. And her dog is too far on my lawn. Ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is brought to you by Factor Meals. Oh, my goodness. I've been preaching about them for a minute. And it ain't even Sunday, but I'm out here preaching. Factor Meals is incredible. It's fresh never frozen. Send directly to your door heated up in a microwave in two minutes. Every meal, two minutes. Blows my mind. Fresh never frozen. Buddy, blows my mind.

20:14Don't have to go to the grocery store anymore. I freaking love it. And it's a hundred rotating weekly meals to keep things fresh. And delicious. You know, okay, options include. I don't know. High protein, calorie smart, Mediterranean diet. And a GLP one support and ready to eat salads. All right. I don't know about you, but I hate going to the grocery store. So freaking bad. This saves my life. We are so busy. We're on the road all the time. And we don't have to freaking think. We come back from the studio. Just easy, breezy, beautiful, frickin' factor. I love it. Honestly. I'm a plug went in tonight. You should. I'm a plug went in right as I get home. Buddy, I don't know. I don't know why. I don't know if you do anything else. And can I tell you something? The best part. The best part. No cleanup. Oh, buddy. You know, I try to cook the other night. Yeah. Spend an hour cleaning. Yep. No. Zero. Throw it away. Goodbye. No cleaning. People should get on factor for the second. Just for that thought. No cleaning. No cleaning. Two minutes, microwave. Boom, boom, boom.

21:14Eat delicious flavors. I couldn't even dare whip up. Dude, literally, I feel like I have a chef that lives with me that meal preps for me. It's incredible. Okay. So, I'll tell you where to go. Head, head. It's a factor meals dot com slash socks 50 off. And use our code socks 50 off. So it gets 50% off and free breakfast for a freaking year. Okay. Offer only value for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchases make healthy eating easy with factor. I get a notification for this multiple time. Oh, my God. Oh, multiple times. Multiple times. I can't believe this. It's not on the screen. Am I going to be furious? Yeah. Yeah. I can't. I like it, man. Dude, the same lady. I've been downstairs in my office. And she's just like on my lawn with her. This is unreal. She. Yo. This is. She's on my lawn. No, no, no. This is. Oh, dude. I thought you meant like the beginning of it. No. The dog is next to the fucking front door.

22:17Like this lady. Shit. You can't do this. She walks like up to where the dog is. And I'm like, I would. Even if I was ding dong to somebody's house, I'm not getting that close to the front door. Like she. She's on it. She's on it. For audio listeners, she is pastor gate. Like she opened your gate. I have a gate to my house. She's past the gate and she's halfway up the driveway. Dude, this is. This is way, way, way, way worse than I thought it was. I thought you were like a. I thought she was like a little bit. Listen, I. And it's crazy because it because the leash is fully extended. And she's just on the phone. And she's on the phone. Yeah. I'm like, did she have to mention thinks this is her home? That's crazy. Did she pick the poop up? I do. No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if that's piss or poop, but. Zoom in. We got a residential piss expert here. Enhance. Enhance. That will be good. Enhance dog. It looked dude. It looks very much like shit. I like. Let me see how many notifications I have from this fucking.

23:17I just. And when I was. You got to start yelling at her. Get off with the other day. I got a notification. And then I go on because you speak to that. Of course. And I was like, hey, police activated. Police activated. But she'd already walked away with that. Fuck. But dude, literally every day her dog just has a thing. For my lawn. These bitches. Hold on. I'm freaking out. I'm calling the cops. Save clip. She there right now. I don't know. She's probably sticking out your place. Yo, maybe. But like, would you wear fucking red dude? Okay. So I just checked to see if I had the file that this one is from. Yeah. Look at this clip. Look at this clip. I'm so excited. This lady is just fucking strolling around on my front yard. I'm so excited. What sign should I say? I'm going to get a sign. You should say, uh, yield. Is this the same day? Same dress. Yeah. Wait. No dog. Does she just show dog? Does she work for Amazon? Deep cut. No dog. No dog. What is she?

24:17Hold on. No dog. Okay. This is. This is crazy. This is insane. This is not. I mean, this is like not even like. Get off my lawn type of behavior. This is like for real. Get the fuck off my property. What are you doing? Okay. So this. Okay. This. This was. Dude, I think this is literally a different day. What do I. What do I say to this lady next time I see her? Hey, do me a favor. Like, maybe your dog likes to pee here. But this is not a dog park. So please stop having your dog come here. But like, full on Trump and around. This doesn't make any sense. And she's in heels walking her dog. Dude, that. Do you know how deep she is on your property? Because she comes from out of frame into frame. This doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I mean, you got it. Like, I thought this was going to be fun podcast content to talk about. And it is. But I thought it was going to be like. No, no. What I'm saying is I thought it was going to be like. Oh, it's like a little bit. Oh, come on. This is fucked.

25:17This is not all a little bit. This is fucked. Gone. Literally. Like, that's so far on someone's property. It's crazy. Yeah, I mean, you're, you're linked. Because dude, if you didn't have a dog, I could shoot you. Yeah. Hold on. I still caught you. You could. Does California have a stain on your ground? Or is that only Florida? Definitely not California. Okay. So I think I might print a sign for this specific. It says like, please take your dog off my lawn. Dog, dog. I have a gun. Wow. So Michael, if that is true, then if she twisted her ankle here, she could sue Trevor. Yes. Bro, she's doing it again. And this bitch is not okay. Is she in red again? No. Yeah, she's in red again. You have to leave her alone. And I could get it like a little bit on board if it's like, if you're walking on the street and it's like to the, it's like a, like, you know, a foot into the yard. Okay, fine. It's fine. But dude, this is, I mean, she's, she could like watch Netflix on your fucking TV. Oh, she can watch me jerk off. Bro, this is also like.

26:18This is more okay than probably. Different dress. Where she came out from was so funny. Dude, her dog just like is taking laps. Like, like imagine driving up and seeing that. Oh my God. If I drive up and see that, well, there's another one where, there's another one where she's like scooping the poop. This is too, that's too much. Because you know, it's also interesting. There's not like a apartment there. And I get it if his apartment is because the dog couldn't like, piss. There's no grass. But it's like, I'm telling you, this is five feet from my door. Imagine I just walk outside one morning and see her. This is absolutely, dude, this is so deep in your yard. But this isn't even like an area that she probably has a lot. If she lives in this area, she has a lot. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. For the listeners, it's above the driveway. Above the driveway. Yeah. Which is just insane. Dude, what I'm talking about. It's like, it's like, like, it's one thing if you're just walking and then your dog like pops to the first patch of grass. Yeah. Sure. This is your backyard.

27:18She's essentially going in your backyard. I mean, all jokes is how you, maybe not in California, but you, you literally can shoot this woman in Florida, and then you'd be fine. And if you're like dinged on ditching, because I was trying to think as a kid, like, I'd be on people's lawns all the time. I'd like ride my bike across it or something. But that's acceptable. Yeah. That takes two seconds. Yeah. This is like dinged on ditch and run. She's like taking her leisure time. And again, I don't, well, I'm glad you're on board because you have a dog. Yeah. So I don't want to be a rational. I'm like, yeah, dude, it's a dog. Where's it going to go on the middle street? No, this is ridiculous. I'm good. I'm putting fucking fentanyl in my lawn. I'm putting magnetic electric strips in there. You should put on your metaglasses and go confront her. I'm just such not a confrontational person. I know how I'd want to say to my head. And then I'd be like, hey, would you mind? Like, this is a little weird. I would be like, yo, can you stop fucking coming on my lawn? I have all the videos. This is weird. This is so weird. This is really bizarre. Yeah. I would just literally just repeat what I said. Hey, do me a favor.

28:18Your dog pees and poops on my lawn all the time. This is not a dog park. It's starting to smell. Can you do me a favor and stop doing this? What did you say? If you say this is not a dog park and it's starting to smell, boom. It's also, get the fuck out of my body. I can't wait to see Amazon Assign. Don't trust pass. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. If someone, I live in California. If someone is walking their dog really, really close to my front door of my house, like literally on my lawn, she is breaking a crime, right? Breaking a crime. I mean, doing a crime. Sorry. I have an MCT oil in me. Let's see what Chad, as I said. First of all, breaking a crime is incredible. What the fuck up, idiot? I hate what Chad talks like no person. You fucking fuck making fun of me. First of all, breaking a crime is incredible. MCT oil, brain is undefeated. I'll kill you. I hate that. Now, real answer.

29:18Fucking idiot. If someone steps into your lawn without permission, that's technically trust pressing. In California, trust pressing generally means answering someone's property without consent. However, if it's an open, unfenced yard, police usually treat quick, wonk, walk-ons as minor. If it becomes more serious, if they refuse to leave, have to be an ass, repeatedly entering. So, after being warned or go beyond the front yard towards doors and windows. Damn. She's been warned. I hope you listen to stiff socks podcast. That's wild, man. Oh, what's this? Oh, what's this? It's motion-sensored sprinklers. Ooh. Yeah, but then it's going to get me. I'm going to lose my fuck. See, like, even this woman, she is outside of the fence. This is where we thought you were talking about, but she's inside of that. This is fine. Yeah. This is fine. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. For someone to put an automatic sprinkler there, because they don't want people to finish, that you're in the same person. I was in awe when I turned on the ring camera. That's crazy.

30:18That's crazy. That's crazy. I mean, dude, she knows what you're cooking. Like, she can smell it from where she is. Oh, yeah. She can tell me if I have sun cancer or not. She's fucking close. She's insane. Damn. This next ad is brought to you by Golden Nugget Online. Let me tell you something. What? Winter wins are blowing in! Golden Nugget Online Casino brings your favorite games straight to you. Play for big wins on more than 1,000 slots, including the Wiley Poplar. Huff and more puff, okay? Listen, new players get 500 spins on any Huff and puff slot. Just wait your $5 on almost anything to unlock 50 spins a day for your first 10 days on your choice of Huff and puff slots. Download the Golden Nugget Online Casino app and sign up with code StiffSox. One word, StiffSox. Then, make any moment golden with all of your casino favorites and partnership with Golden Online Casino.

31:18Gaming problem? Call 1-800 gambler. Please play responsibly. 21 plus. Physically present. Michigan. New Jersey. Pennsylvania. And West Virginia only. Ontario. Non with the drawbook. Casino spins issued as 50 spins per day for 10 days. Valid for featured game only and expire each day after 24 hours. See terms at www.goldennuggetcasino.com slash promos. Ends April 5th at 11.59 p.m. Eastern time. I'm buying a burrata. No, you have shit. This is big beef. This is big beef. Big beef. I don't like it. You said you had one. Oh, I mean, this is not even close to as bad as this one. We have two at my Barbara Complex. We have two guest spots. And we have, where you plug in your cars? Where the fuck that's called? Four places to plug in your car.

32:19But those also moonlight as guest spots. Okay. Two. What if a guest got a Tesla? Well, it's perfect. Little repaired. So, those are all taken up. And then, actually, I put it on my fucking story. But there's this massive truck. Like, think like F-250 with jacked up wheels. Massive. It's sideways parked. What the hell? In the front of the garage. Like to the right of the spots. And there are two handicapped spots. And we have two handicapped people that live in the building. They're fucking awesome. Both of them had like strokes or coolest shit, even through all the pain. So, I know that they parked there. So, this fucking F-250 with jack tires. Park sideways. Both spots are taken. And then right there is the elevated to go up from the lobby. Oh, go up. Sorry. Go up to, you know, the lobby or whatever. And I'm like, usually, I don't care about any of this shit.

33:19But in my head, I'm like, you're affecting people that live here? I know you don't live here. You're affecting the people that live here. And their ability to park, you get close to the elevator. And I know they need that, right? So, I see it. And I'm like, what in the fuck is this? So, I get, I'm fine. Then it happens again. And then maybe one day reprieve. And again. So, this happened in like a four-day period. This motherfucker is there three different times. And park sideways. The park sideways thing is like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? It makes me so mad and your truck is so fucking obnoxious. So, I call, this is the first time I've ever done this. I call my fucking the building manager. Yeah. And I felt so... He's like, bro, that's my truck. I felt so white lady to barbecue. But I was like, hey, listen. But you're looking out for somebody. Yes, yes. But I felt, but I didn't. I was like, hey, man, I don't know what this person is. But they can't park there. Please, like, you know, reprimand them with a ticket

34:22or whatever the fuck you have to do. But it's unfair to the two people that need those spots. Anyways, but that's sort of like the end of that piece of it. So, I felt very white lady to barbecue there. And then, the person that lives below me, we both have balconies. The person that lives below me just moved in. This person is a big smoker. Big smoker. Every fucking morning, chain smoking, whatever. Chain, chain, chain. Wheat or cigarette? Cigarettes. Mmm. So, ride, go outside. Excuse me. Are they Russian? I don't know. I don't know who they are. Never met them. Yeah, look over. Hey! Dude, because I'm... That's your meditation zone. That's what I'm talking about, Daddy. So, if you had a dog eating smoked cigarettes, you're on both our shit list. Bitch! So, every time I want to go out there to meditate, I'm in a nice morning. A nice morning. Thank you. You get in second hand. Stroke. Most? No, it's stroked inside.

35:22So, I'm like, I'm furious. It's fucking up my cheek, bro. It smells like cigarettes. I'm ketosis. Yes! I'm trying to be in fucking ketosis. I'm trying to meditate. Let me listen to Sam Harris. Bitch! And I know it's a woman. So, because I look down. I peek down. I think I ain't peek down. But I'm not trying to be a... I'm not... I'm trying to be a good neighbor. It's like, dude. What is the policy on that? You can't. You can't. I can't. You can't smoke cigarettes there? No. No, you can smoke cigarettes like in the front of the building. You can't smoke off your balcony because it does this to people. They live above you and below you. Oh. In my head, I just... You would think they were building outside. No, but I don't think a balcony is technically outside. In West Hollywood. I know that for, like, West Hollywood. So, this happened about... Two weeks straight. And the whole time, Michael, don't be a fucking idiot, man. Don't be an asshole. Just let it go. It's time to find it. Just throw a can of zins down there. Man. So, after, like, two weeks of this...

36:23Call my business manager. I call the building manager again. And I'm like... He's like, who's that? He's my girlfriend going... Am I a ketosis? Why am I keep calling this guy? Being a white lady and fucking barbecue. Call him again. Hey, man. Sorry. It's me. It's me again, dude. They're complaining fucking clown. And I was like, I don't know what we got to do, pero esta gente está dando mis molestos, ее ha cambiado, se hace realmente, se hace los sentos, y me gusta repasar mi nariz, y lo sé, me gusta repasar mi nariz, como mi nariz de las balconias. Entonces, todo el mundo, el mundo de mi casa, eso es una nariz, y él dice, yo me contigo, yo te quiero hablar a vos, y los unos días estoy jugando. Pero eso es como, cero de ti, bueno, espero que te pide. ¿En realidad, ¿Landlord confirmed that it is illegal to smoke off your balcony? I didn't say it illegal, but I just said what was happening and then he goes all talked about it. Because in my head, if I was her, I would assume that I'm doing no wrong by smoking off my balcony. This is where I'm at, and this is where I battle for two weeks.

37:24I go, it's not like I want everyone to be comfortable at their house. They're paying rent, just do whatever you want, just don't affect me, the problem is you are affecting me. If you did it like once a week, twice a week, it's like, all right, Michael, it's not being a bitch. Like, dude, I smoked cigars off my balcony, but I do it once a week. You know what I mean? So it's like, if you're doing it every single day... It's so funny. Consistently. You're just smokin' cigars off my balcony. Yeah. Hey. What are you bugging at? I saw nine cigars. I'm not even inhaling though. Come on. It's different. Yeah, anything about that. You're like, just not the morning, honestly. Honestly, but no, but even then, I just... The consistency of it is the thing that killed the consistency. Because if you're a cigarette smoker, you smoke every single day, and you smoke in the morning, the afternoon or night, you just constantly smoke. I didn't think about the fact that you were smoking cigars. I know, dude. That's why it took me two weeks, even saying things, I'm like... You're smokin' a cigar. This bitch below me, though. I don't smoke in the mornings. Damn. I know she's older or...

38:24I think she might be older, like 55. Like, she's not 20. You know, she's not... And the only reason I know this guy, like, look down sometimes when she's... when she's smokin' and I just saw her, like, hand and wrist. And I'm, like, inferring from that. So I don't really know how it's used. And her fucking fat, fucking dog barks all the time. Gigi. Not Gigi, no bark. Did the guy above you ever calm down? He moved. Hipopotamus? That motherfucker moved. It's my life's different. Go on. No more hippie. Zero hippie. I got no hippie. Zero. So interesting that, like, when one problem leaves, another one starts. You're right. Like, life, baby. Like, life. How do I manage it? I don't know. I call my bill. Dude, this guy's... He's the nicest guy ever. He's gonna start fuckin' raising my rent. Like, bitch, stop calling me. Yeah, yeah. Stop calling with, like, good news every once in a while. Hey, man. Just saying I love the place. Great bill. You know what he does all the time? He's super nice, but he does get annoyed because his texts are, like, kind of bitchy annoying.

39:25Like, you know, we're on the roll of time. So my package is sometimes billed up, whatever. And he'll go... He'll take a picture of the packages. He moved from the lobby up to my... He was like, got your packages again. The again is what kills me. Yeah. Oh, you're busy? Super busy? What are you doing? Bring my fuckin' mess. It's just... Yeah. Just life, dude. That's life. It's okay. You get busy and you freaked out. It's okay. If I wasn't so busy, I would be at home and I would be like, hey, you know your dog's kind of being a boo. It's kind of weird. They get a little close. So I'm a germafob. I'd make some shit up. But now, with all those anger and stress that I have when I'm home, and she's there, I'm gonna be like, you got a fuckin' stop, lady. I'm calling Peter. I'm calling Peter. I'm calling Reno911. I'm calling this assam. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm calling Asim and Jura Bitch. Get that shit out of here. Hey, I'm calling Michael Vic.

40:25Fuck. I'm just gonna get a sign of Michael Vic going like this. Why? And it says, no dogs. What? I mean, dude. Like a full fat head. Any more jumpsuit? No dogs allowed? Oh, my God. Damn. This podcast is sponsored from our friends at BetterHelp. Your emotional well-being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com. Slas socks. That is better. HLP.com. Slas socks. What is better help? You guys already know because you listen, but we will tell you again. BetterHelp is an entirely online therapy. All right. No more frickin' traffic. No more worry about what you're wearing. No more weird couches that smell like cats for no reason. Okay. It's entirely online. It's incredible. We all use it, and we all need therapy. As I always say, on this podcast with a big proposed therapy, I will be lost without it, dude. If therapy gives you the skills that you need to be a better adult, a better husband, a better frickin' mother, wife, all of it, just a better person.

41:28Okay. And therapy helps me every single moment of my life. I was in line recently. Someone cut me, and I didn't care. You know why? Because I did therapy. Okay. That's what's incredible. And it can be used in a multitude of ways. And again, sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com. Slas socks. That is better. HLP.com. Slas socks. Amen. Goddamn. Isn't that funny though? That's the problems. Ten years ago, I was like, man, then what a problem I got is not getting hose. Yeah. Now I'm like, somebody raked this shit up. Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you, we're complaining about this, and there's people somewhere else that complain they haven't had a clean glass of water in seven years. You know what I mean? It's all relative. All right. It's all relative. Welcome to the perspective pod. It's all relative. Yeah. You know, part of me is like, this is a very minute problem in the world. But listen, you give me a fucking shirts podcast SM7B500. I'm yelling about it. Oh yeah. I'm yelling about it. I'm yelling about it. It's funny. Because now I have stakes.

42:28Yeah, stakes. I got a heat arrival rate. Cheeto. Stakes. Yeah. Dude, I don't know, man. I've been a fucking therapy and probably six to seven months. Plug me up. You know? Do BetterHelp. Do BetterHelp. My point is working on leopards. You know what I'm saying? You gotta yell sometimes. You gotta yell. You gotta get it out. I think you guys would enjoy this. What's this? The Atlanta Hawks are having a Magic City Monday during their game. Not at Magic City, right? No. During the actual game. They're having a theme night. Oh my God. The event includes Atlanta's iconic cultural institution. In fact, they're calling it that. I mean, a cultural institution. You mean, talking on a dirty HPV poll? What? What? I'm so mad. You didn't go with us that night. Dude, I... Can't you be right? I was not there. And I was buttoned down my girl. Oh, yeah. What the fuck? I remember that. It's going to have a live pregame recording of the Hawks AF podcast.

43:29Featuring Magic City founder. Michael, Mr. Magic Barney. I need to see what he looks like. Yeah. Let's see. Did he run out of clubs? He looks like Cat Williams. What? Did they run out of clubs in ATL to do? Because they're always trying to do, like, some theme, some night. Like, I went to a Rams game one day. I was like, hello, Kitty night. But in Atlanta, is that... Did they run out? I mean, I love it. I would go there. But they don't want to do a waffle house night. What? Ludicrous night? Nothing. Future. There's so many. Future night. And Magic City Monday night. Essentially. I'll tell you one thing now. Oh, yeah. Did you do it to the left? Yeah. Right. This guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy. Damn, when he walks up in there, holy shit. So they're going to have halftime performances with TI. I don't make sense. DJ Esco, who is Future's DJ. Wow. And the Magic City kitchen will be serving their famous lemon pepper wings. Did you have those wings? I did, yeah.

44:29Incredible. It's so good. Tania's wings you'll ever see. But they are phenomenal. Tania. Oh, that's awesome. I will. Oh, he got torqued on on the third quarter. I will say though. I will say that jacket is incredible. The Magic City jacket they have. That. That's fucking unbelievable. So wait. So it's more known for its wings than its actual strip club. It's like both. But it's got a hand in hand. I mean, the wings are so popular that you can get them on postmates. You can send a postmates driver to a strip club for your food. How happy are you when you get that call? What other day are you seeing like actual ariolas on your food delivery? Hooters is a good delivery one. I mean, but who is it? You're all picking up for. Damn. But who does this like the training wheels of Magic City pickups? Right. It's a gateway drug to stripping. Yeah. I will say though, you know those door dashes are always going to be late. You're like, why does she think two and a half hours?

45:29Why is the bag slippery? Did you see after the USA hockey team won the. Olympic gold. They went to 11 in Miami. Right. And they had all the strippers. Like, they were singing. They were singing the stars. Oh, they're there. Okay. Why don't everybody wear clothes for this video, but play it again. There's some aerial was out there. The strippers like, how do I torque to the ship? No, 808. That is pretty awesome. That is crazy. Where is the dumb question? Where was the Olympics? Milan. So they flew to fucking Miami. Yeah. If you knew 11 night club was waiting for you at the end, you get on that flight too. Dude, that's crazy. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Good for them. And that's talking strip clubs. I mean, that's.

46:29New podcast. Present my bar. Talking strip club. Who are you right now? Those strip clubs in the world. I'm gonna say I'll never forget the strip club in Tampa. This is. I don't know if I talk about on here. It's called like Penn House. It's half steakhouse, half strip club. I think you did. Yeah, I think you have. Yeah. That place was like. It's literally like if Andrew Tade had a Fortnite map. The ship was like eating steaks with the stripper taking your order. How do you understand? You're like, maybe raw. I don't know. Shit. Throwing dollar bills from the table. God, that was crazy. Anyways, welcome back to talking. Talking tits. Wait, did you see this university, Iowa? The kids got busted for hazing. I did sort of. Can we see it? Only saw clips. I don't know. You're just walking the door. So we can't see you live here. I don't live here. It's such a fried guy answer. Look at him on the line with the. With sipping a fauna. I don't know. You got University of Iowa? Yeah. What do you do? What's your major? What's your name? What's your name? What?

47:29What's your name? What's your name? What was that? What was that? What was that? What was that? What was that? What was that? What was that? What was that? What was that? What was that? What was that? What? Who I'm talking to? I told you that. I told you that. How old are you? It's twenty-one. What's your name? You got idea or anything? It's proof. You're like a jabbo? Like I had it, too. Cause he knows we're doing some wrong for sure, probably. You finished his interview. And what you see what's behind him? It's very funny. Why he's blocking that door. ese, su picking, su taking, su picking. su picking, su picking. su picking descargado. De este guy piensa que es el el mar de la mano. su picking, su picking. su picking es una, tu. 2 de man, 2 de man. Thanks, sir. Can you have a one, 42, one by deal. Y a ver si estoy en el fratio, yo estoy haciendo lo mismo. No lo sé. No lo sé. No lo sé. Sí, por favor. En el fratio, he probablemente es en el mundo. Así que es bueno. Así que es bueno. Así que es bueno. ¡Pues de la plaza! ¡Los ríos son! ¡Los ríos son!

48:30¡Los ríos son! ¡Los ríos son! ¡Los ríos son! ¿Tú lo sabes? ¡Los ríos son! ¡Los ríos son! ¿Qué haces? ¿Pero tú es por eso? ¿Eso es un momento que estoy έχει de ser? Yo creo que lo he hecho. Si es que lo he hecho, la gente es muy cruel, ¿cómo te parece? Así que una cosa, no sé, él no puede ir a la escuela. ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué se está haciendo? ¿Qué hayas hecho? ¡Muy bien, esto no es, espéxico! ¿Dios que es para aquí? ¿Dios que es para aquí? ¡Tienes que estar atrasos! ¿Dios que es para aquí? ¿Dios que es para aquí? Yo soy tu casa, ok

49:32¿O lo estoy desbado? ¿Dios que es para aquí? ¿Dude, ¿y que hace un baño y saca su suelta? Esta es la cosa. ¡Rept! ¡Pero cómo va... Es como, no, son chicas o qué? ¿Vas a chicas? Si, me voy a chicas. ¿Ya es una bomba? ¿Y qué? Frados siempre piden el color del color dumb. Es todo el color de blanco. Blanc. ¡Dude, ¡bueja! Esto ha de haber estado en la iniciativa. ¿Como haces? ¿O qué? ¿Y qué? De acuerdo, por mí, no fue de nada fácil, pero si calzó la mancha, tu disgamento es muy bien, cómo lo hace? No sé, empezar aquí, como... ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo es la gente que está en México? ¿No está en Society? Esta en México lo hace. Esquivel esto no es, estamos en esta casa. ¿Cuánto duro es importante? Tras que no es el gran gran, la gente en Italia lo hace muy bien. Ten siempre, para elefarlas y para eso también. yo, yo necesito 6 miligramas trying to get a bit there

50:39this is the worst magic city server how stoked you if you're one of those pleasures like thank god i'm crazy someone turn the fucking lights fucking right there yeah i wanna keep correcting the body camera footage little left little left come over here i'm gonna send it and you're gonna send me buddy over here oh my god why are they all staying so still i shouldn't be like yo hello like the mannequin challenge they're making this look even more sus i know they can fly ball what's top you're having heated robbery night why is that guy still in the fucking way are you responsible for the house? no who's the house dad?

51:39how's dad? he's a fucking zombie this guy yeah because it sounds like you're responsible for the house it sounds like you have something something that someone's going on how about you ask the fucking house to end you need the 30 years to try to get hold of okay go call this guy is so mad something like a 21 year old with a 40 tries of price to use i know where's this guy for the lady with the shit on my lawn yeah they as you fucking doc what's your house i live here all like hey you guys have ideas and instead of being like yeah what the fuck's going on here no one asked me what i know and some random skinny kid in the wall be like you come over here do you need water oh my god it sounds like the worst haunted house i've ever seen in my life what is this there's still no one's moving it's still it's a frat

52:39they're gonna hate dumbass what the fuck did i just walk into celebrate celebration or what i'm the top i'm taking that guy in handcuffs and i'm putting him in the corner how have they put like a bald guy in his mouth there's something i don't know and he's in every room with them i'm gonna ask them questions about what? about what? the freak off going off in the basement i have to investigate something that's going on with that it immediately doesn't even know how bald work up on the top of stairs thank you it's grabbing property he goes in there guys don't fucking say a word we die for this frat you need better audio on his body i mean yeah god get her fucking road mic or something get something dude i want 27 can i get you back down here what's on your neck come

53:39this fucking guy this fucking dude if i'm the cop i'm taking the guy immediately to addy here that's what i'm asking what taste it? no you're low kid it's kind of the bad ass dude honestly that i can't wait for a movie to be made after him get the wrong guy i'm gonna be honest not one of these guys have a good bod not one of them i will i will fart boys i can't get no chest nothing they all have like 21% body fat don't fucking push up someone turn the fucking lights on the cop not one time was like can we turn the lights on guys why can we turn the lights on you guys are hazing what type of hazing i mean of course like baffled okay so how sad is here how sad is here let me see this guy the house that comes out of some bigger version of this guy the fuck do you guys want yeah yeah you got your two IDs

54:39go check them okay cool cool okay whoa i got your info you got enough you got fucking nothing this guy is trying to be so hard on all these dudes he's going to get more i wouldn't i would celebration good wealth bro the frat mindset is so funny crazy when you're in it but like i get this guy's standpoint when you're in it but with 21 and a cop actually not i get it if you're talking like campus police but like actual police is it's a different thing in the beginning of the video it says this guy is in jail right it said he got arrested but all the charges were dropped wow that's didn't ever come out what type of hazing they were doing dude that guy was a it's just weird because it happened a long time ago didn't like two years ago

55:39yeah it's just so funny that when she's been hoping these has gone viral oh that's funny please release it who is he? he's like emcee files no release i will file he says it is unclear if gaya their joseph is a student at university of life still unclear god i would love to like call somebody at university i wouldn't be like is 85 and a good frat like i mean i don't want to know i'm gonna be honest based on those buds it's not a good frat it's like a mormon frat or some weird it was funny because he was talking in terms of like he was a founding father correct what's going on here he's like life liberty in the pursuit of happiness all things 85 like when you're in it you don't know a world outside of that so i totally get what is crazy to me is the cops immediately didn't just arrest him i'm a cop shut up sit down right because if he's gonna keep interfering one of these shirtless

56:39boys will or 57 guys oiled up 57 dudes i don't know that's what i would say somebody has to have like one of those guys had to drop the frat i know the frat got suspended you'd think somebody would have talked about it you know there's just been until 2029 that's hilarious that there's not forever kicked off let's just go 2029 back to Iowa what's good yo we also haisin is that him he looks is he on instagram what were you on that night what gave you that much confidence he was talking like Matthew McConaughey was writing a script form the only person getting ants out of me is me and the lord there he is is that him dude go to that first pic look at his body

57:39yeah no shit buddy could i get this one yeah i mean that tracks celebration of life no really oh they're talking about him on barcel yeah that's so funny should we see if we can get him to call in absolutely this next ad is brought to you by good shop good shop delivers high quality American meat meat good shop delivers high quality American meat and seafood straight to your door vacuum sealed and frozen at peak freshness your freezer stays stocked up your store quality ever again dude i don't care how many times i go to the grocery store i go to the freaking counter i get what i think is good i take it out like three hours later i'm like this just feels weird it just smells off and you don't have the problem with good shop okay it is good quality stuff

58:39by choosing good shop you support local family farms and independent ranchers right here in the US and dude you can customize your box from over a hundred U.S. D.A. choice and prime stake 100% grass fed beef wild caught seafood organic chicken responsibly raised pork and so much more so go to goodshop.com slash podcast and use our code 50 socks to get 50 dollars off plus free shipping on your first order that is 50 dollars off plus free shipping at goodshop.com slash podcast and you put in code 50 socks go to goodshop.com slash podcast 50 socks boom if i'm like a 20 year old girl i'm throwing this guy meat i'm serious i'm serious like that back in the day

59:39got you vejeje i think that's why he was doing it like when those pledges are gonna make dude joseph fucking you know some girls like we or you the pledge master you the house daddy bitch woman guy dick is gonna rock that until he's 97 oh yeah i would i would he was sort of vaping i knew he was a legend or before he pulled his ID ripped a beer took out his wallet hit a vape and then gave the idea and then was like i don't live here and you didn't go to school but you're wearing the ios what's going on here celebration of life i mean that's so funny celebration of life i'm gonna use that for anything it's 27 dude shirtless celebration of life what in the grinders happen here maybe did you chill me with 38 women celebration of life

1:00:39it's fucking johnny man zel baya life what a wild wild thing to have happened two years ago you wake up is going hyper viral that's so weird about the internet it didn't pump two years ago it happened no one cared now massive pop barsal talking about so weird i wonder if you just act like that or saw the body cameras and like he probably wasn't putting the two and two together and so your earlier point i don't know if i would do it that heavy but i would do a little bit of that if i was in front of pledges in front of a cop because you do want the outcome to be a bunch of pledges being like yo mic motherfuckers you don't want to be like oh yes sir oh god yes sir sir and then you go back and you're like all right everybody 50 push ups you just kept the Paul Blart pussy yeah you just fucked damn

1:01:39totally cool but again you graduate nobody gives a fuck do you remember like when the moment you realize you might have even been in the front i was my senior year when you realize you go oh this doesn't matter i really putting it on job applications was recruitment chair for this attorney jobs like do you know excel or not are you aware or no no but yeah i was i was a senior when i was like oh god no this matters but dude when i got in you know where those letters like the fact i'm not getting blown right now is crazy high cap alpha yeah no more drinks but the not only when i'm on campus but back home when i was visiting my parents house for those winter breaks or the summer breaks or go to the gym i'd go to back home yeah i would like a tank top that said like delta gamma anchor splash 2000 whatever i'm like we're not on the same level

1:02:39oh you got a Nike i know women just do it i just did it yeah women but the feeling of and you still see it sometimes airports you know traveling you see and it's like knowing how they feel putting on those letters or it's like how you once felt you see girls more so you don't really feel like i see a lot like for you few people but it's not but yeah but i would wear this second i love campus i'm like i need to let people know i'm in a threat oh my god dude i remember that i'm out of it i'm like i don't go fuck i remember that first thanks giving break oh my god i mean i went to i went to the bar with all my high school friends wearing letters like someone suck me i don't care if it's a man or a woman so i mean look at this i mean look i mean it was like wearing like notes here for teax yeah it's called yeah yeah i mean i felt so good

1:03:39and especially that first one back because it was like the same time that me and other friends all joined frets so we all came back thanks giving here all wearing like our letters so three months ago we were just a bunch of normal guys when i ran for shit now we come back we're like letters on them it's gonna fucking a local bar it was it was so fun to see it was for sure but i will say though unless i was just projecting i did feel like people that was my age at that moment did give it credence like it wasn't or unless i was just making it up like i felt like there was a people looking at me a little different because i was wearing the letters or i was maybe making the whole fucking thing up but i did think i had a really cool cache to be in a frat when you were like 18 and i think other people thought it was cool too maybe i don't know for sure i mean like i i loved it i had zero grads doing it and i thought it was so fun but yeah it's like you you joining your i don't want to say brainwash but you're just so like i don't even know it feels like you're like yeah you're just you just care so much about it

1:04:39yeah i think you're you're i wouldn't even say brainwash but like that's your only perspective like i joined a frat like dude two weeks after i was in college so like that was my my first two years was that like that's all we did that's all my friends and even like my friends outside of the frat still want to all the frat parties so like my entire social circle and sororities whatever was that so my first two years like that was my entire life so that was my perspective and i remember junior i stopped i was dating this girl that was like outside she wasn't a sorority whatever so i like started to feel what college was like a little bit outside the frat and then senior i just didn't go to anything or do yeah all get right on that chip was felt because fuck are you talking about do's yeah we had a chapter i think it was Mondays I think if you didn't go there was a thing called the judicial board

1:05:39the j-board if you didn't go you would get like in trouble and then you have to go to the j-board meeting next week and then you wouldn't go and then you'd show up and you'd be like you can't be out of this party you didn't do your blah blah and you're like i'll kill you yeah move i mean it's what do you realize the rules are put the rules are held in place by other frat guys correct you know yeah it's like a thousand cops right a bar and then the cops like hey don't you're like uh no move nothing like look at these letters oh it was so fun though oh yeah i mean dude where are all my chests like i was club camp yeah i'd be like you see there's Greek letters on my chest you don't even know what this means you probably think this is a triangle bitch that's a delta so i knew that

1:06:39yeah it is a it's a fascinating like perspective to walk around with being like this is the shit but it was for two years i was i loved it i will say like walk around campus the first two weeks when i wasn't in frat it felt so alone and you know it's a campus of 40,000 people and you don't know anybody and then you start to join and you see like your pledge and you see the gatherup and then you're wearing the you're seeing the letters and then you're dabbing people up on campus dude dabbing on campus and then all of a sudden we have um like all these hosts too you got host too i forgot about them i was too busy trying to join the brotherhood yeah yeah i got a sisterhood i mean dude and then we had like we had like a bars and clubs that we had like VIP access to oh my god dude we would go right to the front of some of these dude i'm or uh uh a kryptonite there's a club called kryptonite we got

1:07:39dog we got like you can go walk right to the owner was there was like oh what's up Mike go right in i mean dude you would walk past the line of like 150 people and like they'd be like yo is this trace song dude it was so great absolutely so fun if there's anybody listening who's about to go to college next year or something you're on the fence it is very fun and you meet a lot of great people you do and you decide who you want to be friends with after college for you know i was just in San Diego some college friends it's like it is definitely nice but it is it is just funny that one day you pick your head up you're like wait i actually hate drinking i hate drinking wait there's actually isn't that great nope but but there is those two three years and i would never push anyone away from it just because you have a mom where you pick your head out of the sand you go what the fuck was it but it's good i mean yeah did the thing i mean i like to think that i got a

1:08:41majority of my drinking out in college yep yep because then i graduated and i would just like do open mics on the weekend because i was like oh i did it i did the thing it's not it's super super fun for three years that senior year i was like what so y'all gonna go to kryptonite again what's the difference you know jack and kokes until you fucking throw up in the bushes and then hook up with a three and then wake up and then lie and says you's a six she wasn't she had one eye her name was pirate it was funny when everybody turned 21 at our school it kind of flipped you stopped going out so much on the weekends because there was a bar that was called trace green goes and it was two dollar Tuesday and that was a big flex if you could get into that bar once you were 21 it was like you would go out on a Tuesday and like the move would be like you get your Wednesday class latest fucking the day at like you know one or two so you could be hungover for that so people would be like yeah you're gonna trace tonight it would be like oh

1:09:41you can go to trace because people turn 21 different times of the year you know so that's when it felt like junior year like you're like all i've mature because we would start going to the bars instead of the frat parties right was trace that really hard in ideas yeah they had a machine and put it in but that place on a Tuesday would be wall to wall but but see we didn't really had that because because we had because we had access to that bar or some bars in that club dude well yeah I had like when you were like a freshman all you had to do because you were in the frat is to show them some type of ID that sort of look here's a real feeling get in yeah i mean so i had my frat brothers i d that was expired and we sort of look like he had dark hair yeah just a piece of paper says pike on it like they're good but it was like it wasn't even close but you just had to show them that and it was fun so i could get we didn't really do

1:10:41we did some like frat parties but it was more so like all the frats and stories were go to these bars oh god yeah ours was more like parties but like yeah it was just the fact that it was like on a Tuesday you felt so like special that so many people couldn't because their IDs were so tough to get in that it was almost like the flex was going out on a Tuesday oh right i hungover on a Wednesday right oh y'all studying and you get home from uh two out of two days and there'd be people still in the study room like studying and walking their ship they're like oh it's up pooches yeah algebra idiot more like algebra let me see your yeah i'm on vine what the fuck are you talking about um yeah very funny though but uh so fun but yeah i do feel very funny that guy's just so deep in the frat i mean he was probably like uh i don't know what they called it like the pledge master he was like the guy who's probably in charge of all of them so he couldn't show them weakness yeah but now it's just so funny because he works at a hertz

1:11:41yeah and not the good shift but it is funny when you read what's the good shift fuck i don't know Monday at 3 p.m it is funny because you have that frat mentality graduate and then you're an intern and you're like oh the clock restarts i don't give a shit to society again i remember that so distinctly when i went from college to my first year in new york and i had that the way your letters on the subway they were like no it's the age and you're fucking it in that's a pipe train um what was that but i remember that first weekend when i was in new york and i was obviously around in my college friends and i remember my phone like just didn't and i was like oh fuck do you think it comes quick oh shit i'm here alone because you know if you don't go out you get a million text and you're like random girl yeah come on my fucking sorority bubble whatever and that first friday i remember so distinctly

1:12:41i was like i call my dad and i was like this is awful like i have i'm alone like nobody oh it's worst and that's why we're in a big drinking epidemic like a god damn it but thank god you know you and i found comedy early on because i just sold those weekends with like just doing open mics yeah i mean it's just i didn't want to but there's a lot of comics who mix drinking and comedy but i just never i never wanted to do that so if so i'd never drank doing comedy and you finished comedy when early on fucking two thirty in the morning we could go out now it's like now yeah i was like i was gonna oh god meet up with people at like twelve forty-five and i try and catch up you're saying five around like we're getting an Uber like and Uber i don't know my name dude one of the worst catch-ups i've ever played in my fucking life i got i was working on a golf course and i got back at like eight p.m. and my whole i had like three people living in at the house at the same time

1:13:41and they were all wasting we were about to go to some bar club i can't remember and i was like i fuck up i had this bottle of jack danes what's the smaller one it doesn't fucking matter i think i did eight i think i did seven shots like shot five seconds shot like just because they were like going to leave and i wanted to get in the shower dude i remember the last shot and then i remember waking up the next day like i don't remember dude i apparently apparently i went to the club i danced with a lot of people i went home with someone i went home with someone at our our house something happened she bounced obviously she wasn't super impressed with my performance because she bounced i woke up in my bed at whatever probably one p.m. it's fully naked being like i don't remember anything zero it was the first time

1:14:41and the last time i ever blacked out that hard we're like if you if you're a hammer like you remember certainly remember that flash i remember taking the last shot and i that's it and i remember waking up i was in my golf and you still pulled dude i was in my golf gear i remember i took a shot i was wearing my my work clothes i golf shit i remember taking the last shot i was wearing my bed naked i don't know how i get a shower you got to crack i don't know how i showered i don't know how i got it well i'm saying i still have a random woman on top of you i went upstairs i showed i did so much i drank all the liquor and then i got ready to go out i don't remember any of that then i went to the club i thought you went straight to the club after work no i went home all my friends were like

1:15:41we're about to leave we're about to leave i'm taking the hell of shots and then i'm like the last shot and that was the only time where i'm like i don't remember not one moment not one did well i wanted a ketchup story and this bitch pissed me off and i don't mean to call our b word she's not the lady with the dog of my lawn and the dogs of bitch this girl i remember this is a game of ketchup i was doing a show and i think there's a place where like malibu playhouse i was doing a show there this was a long, long time ago and this girl was visiting l.a and she had like friends or family out here and she's like come meet up with us we're at this bar in malibu so i like i think i drive there i get there i'm like i think i take five shots in a row with her like not in a row but like really close time

1:16:41i go to the bathroom i come back to the table and this is it's a bar kind of by we had a birthday dinner right there and i'm just like standing there i'm like five shots deep and i'm like yo where are you guys i'm like Texan and she goes oh we left but her and the whole group when i went to the bathroom and the whole night we're talking toxing she's like coming to the bar get there and slam five shots they leave don't tell me and she's like well come i'm like bitch i'm my fucking car here i was fuming i'm sitting in my car five shots deep oh my god the fucking position is lady lady just put me in bitch just put me in like now you have to drink and drive which don't do that or if the pay for a crazy ass uber and then uber back to my car in the morning and for no kudi

1:17:41so what did you do drunk no you didn't yeah you know this is and i don't know if this is incriminating or not but i was so mad at her that she would like keep telling me to leave and i think that my dumb brain was like if i try fast enough i can beat the alcohol oh my god so that was my college first and i don't i don't know that's a good thing to say on record but yeah i think i drove dude i drove 120,000 times fucking hammered in college dude hammered all the bars cuz my college is setup fucked up all the bars and shit are at Broadway to beach which is like a 20-minute drive and so you you would all get in the cars cars all like you know one, two shot deeps which still don't drive

1:18:41obviously but it's like you're not as hammered you get to the club you're fucking i mean just it's not funny you like drive for the club like you know your car is there and you're like i'm gonna drive there think about that dude it's a shot per hour well i need 17 hours dude i remember that theory where it's like if you take a shot and drink a couple water then you're fine let me tell you some that's wrong it's a shot to keep up cocaine is what people should have been telling you dude the first time i went out with my friend the first time i went out with my friend i had like a it's got him rich really awesome guy but he had this massive fucking Jeep Wrangler with jacks up tires and it was stick shift and i remember he was hammered like couldn't even get up hammered and this other friend brother was like

1:19:41bro man we gotta get him home uh can you drive his car and i was like yeah of course and they go oh fuck man it's stick though you don't know how to just drive and the face of these guys made i was like the hero of the night because i know you're sick dude drove stick 22 minutes wasted in a car i've never driven before a jacked up Jeep Wrangler i'm 5-8, probably 5-6 at the time can barely get in the car and i can't i don't want to move his seat because i'm like oh he's gonna get upset when he wakes up so i don't move his seat you know that's like 18-year-old thinking i can't even touch the pedals dude and then i can't see over this bitch i don't know i don't know how i drove home but i remember that moment oh fuck you drive stick you're the fucking man i got home you know you live those days

1:20:41and you go i don't know what the fuck we were doing but nobody like questioned it in your old episode we used to drive up to Cal Berkeley because our frat was also there and they would throw like you know it's University of Cal it's a really big part as we drive up there because it's like you know if you're in the same frat at a different school there's automatically like apples and we would take my buddy grants Sequoia which the speedometer broke it didn't even light up it didn't light up he had two 12s in the back the 15 of us in that car driving up to Berkeley and you're just hoping somebody wants to drive home or you would sleep there until like six a.m. and then drive home that six a.m. wake up i can't even express to you how horrible that was every time nobody questioned it now the adult and the situation be like hey so you're driving okay cool i better not see a drink in your hand

1:21:41or you'd be like okay you're driving you know one drink but you're not going for three hours or something yeah we get all in the car room yeah we get all in the car and whoever like we like go to make a toast and whoever didn't have a shot guys but you're driving oh shit yeah but you wouldn't question it but i think i miss college anyways no i actually don't drinking no hangover life on easy like can we at some point we definitely look this up but how come when you're young you're less like robots but we still get hangovers but i don't understand i don't understand why you don't get a hangover from 18 to 21 you had zero hangovers and you convince yourself that even if you're slightly off you're like oh i g talk obel and feel better and you sometimes do i don't know man wait when i wake up hungover i'm like oh this whole day is shot oh now now dude i'll convince yourself back then yes no i'm saying 18 to 21 i drink well let's on 18 to about 20

1:22:41i swear i probably drank four to six times a week and i got hungover two times like never yeah a gallon challenge and didn't get hungover dude if i drank a half a sip of vodka and then had a burger i'm out for a week oh dude wait i'm hungover all food i'm hungover all food i don't know dude i had Mexican food in San Diego friday night the next day my assholes on so much fire i was like i think i have to sit on a fire hydrant right now i'm charming literally and i literally felt like food hungover i used to drink there's a shit in our like did your frat have like families inside of it like they're like different we didn't have a we didn't have a drink ours was and i didn't get hungover

1:23:41moundue 151 and hypnotic it was called like a razor back i would drink that and the next day i'd be like y'all want to go hoop who was playing paddleball who wants to do the most physical outside activity ever and what do i mean what dude if i had and i remember that drink hypnotic dude just walking around what's good dude if you had a bottle of hypnotic everyone's like oh this guy is the wealthiest man i've ever met oh my god it's this guy the monopoly guy i felt immediate like swagger levels hypnotic hypnotic hypnotic hypnotic hypnotic hypnotic he got three options God Is this a funnilya life change it in a good way How do i do it i know

1:24:41But ii is funny that Do it have to be my girlfriend and molquito in my doggenication It's just so funny that like you know now i feel like i equate super succesive to any without it myself career wise, but like, you're 20, you're like, buddy, I had a bottle of hypnotic. It's same thing. Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, hypnotic is an effort special. Yeah. Hypnotic is being verified on Instagram. Yeah, yes. Yo. Oh my god. Dude. Hypnotic. That was even good. It was disgusting. Dude, I remember we all splurge, well, this is the last story that we'll get out of here. We all splurge on a, who's a bottle of vodka, who's a crystal head. Of course. Have you seen this? Of course. It was like, you know, $120, whatever. But we bought it for a party. Some of the worst-dasing vodka. I've ever had my entire life. It's awful. Holding that. Oh my god. In my head, I was like, we wouldn't see this.

1:25:42Yep. Head for head. Same thing. It's a one for one. There's no difference. God's so funny. Dude, in the craziest part of our last story, psych, we're going to go over another hour. So this is the, this is the, I like the frat talks. I was just going to say that. Oh, fuck. I was going to say, oh, but it was so funny, too, because if you got one of those crystal heads and you finished it, and then you put it like on your shelf for all the vodka with the empty bottles, dude, the more empty bottles with the highlighters in it, I literally felt, and you have parties, you'd be like, the fact that I'm not getting a lot of drugs now. Oh, we're throwing drugs now. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was just, but the thing was. You was Kleik's bottles, homeless people, dude. It's just crazy because the things that you equate to women are going to love this is crazy. And do we ever check with women? No. We never like, do you give a fuck about this? No, we didn't. What about my 12 snapback hats? I don't even say that. What about my flag? What about, what about my flag? It's got to get pussy, right? So out of it, it's a for the boys. You get why we should have sex. Yeah, it's got me to scratch it.

1:26:43It's crazy how you think I'd be screaming. There was a house that they covered all the one wall with like a rolling rock, like the cutouts of the 30 packs. Whole wall covered in that. Yep. Is a woman ever being like, oh, fuck, fuck cardboard. I mean, I don't know, dude, maybe. Maybe. It shows he has decor. I mean, but it's the same thing as like a... It's the same thing as like that I would do, like that attitude. That attitude is like, if you take that attitude in adult world, I mean, that feels, but like in that world, don't you feel so grown up? Like when I was in a friend at that age, I was like, this is the most adult I'll ever be. I'm so grown. Yeah. Now I'm like, first of all, I'm a bitch to society. Second of all, like, so young compared to the world. Well, you have no friend of reference, dude. That's true. Think about this. I remember when I was in eighth grade and I was like, boom, I own this fucking school. Hey. You're like, what? You don't even have pubes yet. You have no idea what's happening, but you have those moments. It was like temples in your life where you're like, you're like, eighth grade.

1:27:44You're like, I run this bitch. Then you're a freshman. You're like, oh, I don't know anything. Then you're a senior in high school. Like, I run this bitch. Then you're a freshman in high school. Then you, a college and you ain't shit. Then you're a senior in college and you're like, oh, I think I'm Abraham Lincoln. And then you go to New York and everyone's like, you're the most unfunny person in my life. And you go, okay, good. It's everything leading up to graduate in college. There's like checklist where it's like, you're the oldest of this field, eighth grade. Okay, and then you go up. Now you're a senior. You're the oldest out field. So you mentally feel like as you're aging, you're like, I'm at the top of my class for whatever that is. Then you graduate and you're like, oh, it's now until dead. Yeah, there's no classes. No, no. All right, guys, you wanna do a sock talk? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is from Brittany who wanted to share what is the most outdated life advice? So then she gave a few examples that she thinks. She said, do good and good things will happen to you.

1:28:45My experience has been, then it's just random. No, I don't think that's outdated at all. I think I really do think that's spot on and forever until humans become cyborgs. I do, I do. I think you do good, good things will happen to you. I think it's karma, I also think it's just energy. Like you're being good to people. People are gonna wanna do good things for you and then thus you will get good things. Like it's just like cyclical energy shift. Yeah, it's definitely not one for one though. No, no, just because you fucking help a kid cross a street, doesn't mean you're gonna get hit. What? Maybe. What the basement Iowa? But I think sometimes, yeah, it's not a one for one, but you also don't know when the reward is. If I help someone today, you expected that night. But you might have, this might have been, you get the reward the day before. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, I'll pay this back. Karma points somewhere else. But, or it comes later in life, or it's when you don't even know. Like maybe an axe was about to reach out to you

1:29:45then they got hit by a bus and they're like, right, see it, right, neither did she. Boom, boom, boom. Yeah, yeah. But I just don't think it's like, I don't think a universe is like transactional like that. I don't think it's a, you do one thing, you get one thing. I think it's literally, if you do good things, you will build like good sort of momentum in your life and people will see you like that and you will get good things. It's not just like I help the person cross a street. So then now I get a scratch off when I get a hundred bucks. It doesn't work like that. People still help people across the street. They shouldn't. Next one is don't go out in the rain. It'll get you sick. Well, yeah, I mean, it depends on what type of rain. I actually saw something that debunked this and said people don't get sick from the cold. Now did I do any further research? No, but there was a headline that said people don't get cold from, it's always flu. Sick from what? They said that, you know how they come in misconceptions and you go outside and the cold, you'll get sick.

1:30:45Yeah. This one was saying that it's always just like germs or like contact. It's not like if you're just out there. Which honestly, I don't believe. I think maybe there's a world. I'll track everything. I think maybe there's a world if you get cold, your immune system is worse and then you can get sick because your immune system is worse. But I don't know if it's like, oh, I'm shivering thus I will get cold. Like thus I will get sick. Let me see. Sure, don't go out in the rain, you'll get wet. You'll get sick. I think there's some village, Velidili. Whoa, really? Velidili, say the word. Validity? Thank you. Thank you. You been reading audio booking? Hey. All right, the next one is the customer is always right. This is almost never the case. Flock the customer, I'll kill you. Yeah. Depends, am I the customer? Yes. Am I the manager? No. The customer is not always right, but the customer should be given respect. But you're not always right. But I will say that if you come into establishment and you're paying money, you should get mostly what you want. But you're not always right.

1:31:47You can't walk in there, but I'd like a lobster for $9. No, I'm right, though. Here's a gun, shut up. And the last one you shouldn't live with someone before you marry them. Shut up, idiot, Mormon bitch, virgin fuck. Didn't even join a frat, pussy loser, iOS bitch. No, I think you should definitely live with them before you're married to see what, if that is going to work before you guys get married. People always say, moving in together either speeds up or makes a relationship. And I think that's true. I think there's truth on both ends. I do understand the idea of not moving in, because that's like a sacred thing. And then so the marriage happens and then you move in, you can kind of figure it out. And then you're also figuring out through a lens of like, it's a much, the foundation of the relationship is much stronger because you're married prior to moving in. So I understand that mechanism, but I would never, I would never gamble like that. I need to like live with the person to know who they are as a person, to know how they are with cleaning up

1:32:47and being in the same space as them all the time. Like I feel like you learn so much about the relationship through those interactions. I think if we're going to do that way to marriage, you have to move into a new place. You can't just move into his house. Oh, 100%. Because then it's too weird, because this is his old shit. This is 100%. 100%. But I mean, that's currently what's happening at my place. Like we are going to look for another place once she gets back from Europe because it needs to be our place, not her feeling like she moved into my place. Yeah. Cute. Beautiful. All right, and secret sock. I was like, listen, as long as daddy's got his daddy down downstairs, it's smoke proof, I can just blast the kid rock at times. I need to go off simulator to fucking ice bath and a sauna and a fucking cigar. I recently got, this is a secret sock. I recently got married to my husband in Bali, Indonesia. Good. It was a destination wedding, but my parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets in hotel. We paid for our friends plane tickets in hotels.

1:33:48Crazy. Each plane ticket was $2,000, and hotel was maybe about $300 for the week. My friend, Gemma, brought along her newly wed husband, John, along with paid for his plane ticket. The problem is that Gemma and John did not show up to my wedding. Gemma took the free plane ticket to Bali and the hotel room, and when I asked her why she didn't show up, she said that since they couldn't afford their own honeymoon, that this was the perfect opportunity, and that gym decided that he didn't feel like going. I mean, learn how to lie. Bali, you ever heard of Bali? You got food poisoning. So am I the asshole force? No. For suing my friend. Suing. Yes. Yes. Yes. Clip. I mean suing is suing. Suing is suing. I mean, do we just skip a Venmo request and go straight to the law? We would straight to Morgan and Morgan. What the fuck in Judge Judy is this? Dude, that's funny. Very fucked, but like...

1:34:48Bro, I am never talking to that person again. I mean, that is a wild thing to do. And the husband didn't go because the husband didn't want to. Hey, hey, Gemma and your fat fucking husband. Come to the wedding. Also, the wedding's one night. It's 15 minutes. But the wedding's one night. You can't say for us one night. I mean, I'ma be honest with you, that's not what happened. It's something happened. That is because no sane person is going to be like, thank you for the ticket. We're not coming to your wedding because we didn't have a honeymoon, so we're going to use this honeymoon. That none of that tracks. Unless Gemma and her husband are literally insane. The new husband cracked the crack. Somebody cracked somebody. That's what I mean. Something weird. Somebody's all there. That's a little interesting. You got to ask your husband, hey, you didn't blow him. You didn't do a little song. Yeah, you didn't bully my friend. But even if she came, how long does she have to stay at the wedding

1:35:50for it to count? You got to make it in a few photos, man. Yeah, I mean, you got to post the story once you go. You got to do the wedding. Full wedding. I mean, you can leave once they do the chair in the air, but it's not a duet. I don't know. I mean, who does? Well, she's in suits, I mean. So, like, I think there's a happy medium, man. Like, if my friend came to me, and if I found out that my friend took the plane ticket, went to my wedding and then stayed like an extra five days and then flew back, it's fine. I still don't love it, because I paid for you to get to your own fucking honeymoon. But that's okay. For you to take the plane ticket and not come to the wedding at all, is like, I think you have like mental issues. That's a crazy thing to do. Yeah, because at minimum, the girl would go.

1:36:50I'm be like, he's not feeling well, but I bought his ticket. I'm here. Yeah, it sounds like James just trying to blame her husband for a decision they both made. Dude, I mean, I'm telling you, I would model to help cocktail their living room. I'm so mad. I bet those texts are crazy. I bet you they're all in green for sure. Wow, I live for that type of like drama and somebody. I don't want that to happen to me, but I like being adjacent to that, hearing about it. Yeah, do you take them to small claims court? No. Take them to the death penalty, so hell, guillotine. I mean, dude, it... Who's got that type of time? That's crazy. Also like, dude, that's a crazy thing to do for your guest to like fly your guests out. Like, seems like the bride... It checks on if you blame. But it just seems like the bride and the groom, like they have money like that to fly out their friends. So they're going to take their friends to small claims court. None of this tracks.

1:37:51I'm guessing they don't have a lot of friends. So it was a small wedding in Bali. She kind of like invited someone that maybe isn't her. Like, you know, like those friends that are... You know that they're more friends with you than you are with them. Uh... Oh, right. Fuck, dude. That's why I just don't even go to weddings. All right. You would do it. I didn't go to mine. Don't say that. No! Don't say that. No! You said I didn't have to go. Don't fucking do it to me. I'm just kidding. That's crazy. That's crazy. I was there. Tell him. Tell Michael, I'm going there. You didn't go either. Nobody went fucking furious. All right. I want to have his birthday party. What were you, dude? All right. Good episode. Dude, it's so fun. My friend Captain, guys, that's it. That is it. We love you guys. This has been such a fun episode. Thank you so much for listening or watching or both. Friendly reminder.

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