#525 - Lostalgia, Fornication Nation and Narberth to Nefyn Nude

Mega! Adjective, slang, extremely good, greater successful, week, a period of 7 successive

days. I've been having mega weeks, but does the last seven days fit the bill? On Friday, I

hosted a fundraise in quiz for my kid's school, with my combination of quick wit and ability to

read out loud questions that have been prepared for me by someone else. It became apparent from

round one, what do you remember about 2025, that the dance wanted to be me and the mums wanted to be

with me. After I asked which solo female British artist had the most top 40 hits in the 1980s,

a teacher asked for a quiet word, with spring, you are such an asset. Before pressing a check

for £3,000 into my palm, I said, please, no, I really couldn't, and I know you're depositing

a check as a real pain, and she said, no, it's fine, you can do it on the app these days,

and so I said, actually, yes, I will accept it, then, thank you. On Wednesday, the day got off to an

in-or-special start, as inspired by Greg James' incredible fundraising activities,

I trep that we tried to find everyone who had ever wronged John before putting them on trial for

comic-cruelies. Even though core proceedings hadn't begun, and we were broadcasting live from

the Old Bailey, once five live realised what was happening, we were sacked on air, and the

emergency tape of Adrian Childs, and I'm seeing the birth of Pritzlowy, was played instead.

Once I checked that we hadn't been sacked by sending a confusing text to Dave,

I then accompanied my daughter on a school trip to the cinema to see how to train dragon,

a film that disappointed me with this complete lack of any Welsh content.

Thursday night, I was on a mega bill at ABC in Cannington with James Gill,

Sessley Hitchcock, Nish Kumar, and Kevin Bridges. This is Cannington, this means more.

After forgetting a big chunk of material and realising that I still had three minutes to fill,

I was flailing. I was lost. I was in need of a hero, Dave. But this point of

vice, shouted from the bar, do your tea towel material.

The tea towel material is 15 years old and a lot has changed since then,

Brexit trump, the collapse of the international world order, mango vapes and young people wearing

big trousers like clowns. But I did some mental calculations. People still use tea towels.

I remembered the routine I did the routine. I considered updating of it 2026 by

shoot shoe honing in a reference to AI, but I didn't listen as the routine worked. I looked at my watch,

20 minutes and three seconds, was that a mega week you decide.

I'm putting it up into the floor. You went to the cinema, had a dream and did a gig.

And I hosted a pub quiz and I've got two gigs. I've got two gigs this weekend,

and I decided to come to Cannington because I had too much trump.

It's not a week. It's not a mega week is it?

I mean, I enjoyed hearing about it and I'm glad that your life is vibrant and varied.

It's not a mega, there's no downing street. No, I had two mega weeks on the trot.

You see, that was the thing. It's a midi week. You've got to have midi weeks or you can

mat. You can't just, you can't just be stimulated all the time. Life can't be constant mega weeks.

It can't. I'm going to pick out a detail that you probably, it wasn't probably a big part of

your mega week, but I'm really interested in this sort of stuff. So Kevin Bridges did the ABC.

Yeah, yeah. That's mad, isn't it? He's absolutely massive. He's preparing all of them.

We were in the same final of semi-finals, so you think you're funny together in 2005,

and our careers have gone in exactly the same direction. I have done ABC in Cannington,

so it makes sense that Kevin Bridges has because we've got the same career day.

Comedians of Kevin's fame are routinely dropping into ABC. It's a nice sponsored by ABC.

No, no, it does sound like that. But no, no, no, but it's not, I'm sorry, I'm not surprised that

he did Angel Comedy the other night, which is another really small venue,

because he's working new stuff up at the top. But it's quite a nice little quirk of the comedy

industry that I think is a little bit different to music. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That you could

just rock up to your local comedy show. Bruce Springsteen doesn't do the WC. No, I love it.

It's great. And if they do, it is on the news. Yeah, exactly, yeah, I didn't even realise Kevin had

done that. Well, I remember it happened a lot. I remember the storms in the 90s did a tour of

intimate venues, and then remember they did the Shepherd's Bush Empire, but that's still

fun to people. You can practice music on your own. You can't practice comedy on your own.

Yeah, but you're right. The other thing with, also, it would be a real abdication of

responsibility to practice new material in front of 10,000 people who pay to 100 quits a year.

Yeah, get your notebook out. This bit might not work. I mean, there are people who do that.

There are people who do do that. Yeah. But if you're, if you're you too, you hire out an aircraft

hanger for a month, like I was, I've been going quite deep into Frank's Apple stuff. When he was

auditioning drummers, he would, he would hire an aircraft hanger. He'd have like 50 drummers in a

line. All at the same time. All at the same, no, not like 50 quits. There would be a stage. All

right. You would be called. You would have to do a prepared piece from his uvra. Like a casting,

of course. Yeah, you then have to do site reading. He'd then say, do that site reading, but do it

in reggae time. So it was this, and there's interviews with his drummers talking about this process

being just that something they had never experienced in music before. So you don't, but you don't

need an audience for that. No, of course. Then when you've got your musicians, he would say,

right, we're rehearsing for six weeks, like nine till nine, six, six days a week, we rehearse,

and then we go on tour. You don't need an audience till the end, whereas if your Kevin Bridges is

an idea about, you know, you're this material and this story. You've got to hear that.

Well, you need to know whether people think it's funny or not. The other quirk of comedy is you end

up on a bill with professional comics quite early, whereas if you're in a band, it might be years

before you play with a, with like a band that's got a big record. Or never. Or never. Yeah.

The max you'd ever have is two bands on a bill, really, unless you're a festival. Yeah.

So quite early on, John and I were performing with people, you know, who were playing the comedy

store. Big dogs. Big weekend dogs. We had, we had, we had access to big dogs.

Of the circuit. Not the circuit. Yeah. Like, okay. So Paul Tonkinson, you see a big dog.

Big weekend dog. Big weekend dog. Absolutely. Yeah. I was, I was really, I was so pleased

when I used to perform with the circuit weekend, big dogs, because you're like, oh, I'm so close to

becoming one myself. So, I so love it. A little profession, isn't it? Comedy world.

It has its moments. Yeah. It has its moments. It has its ups and downs. It certainly does.

Do you want to hear about my thoughts from this week and my thoughts? Yes.

Please. So you're, so this is something you're trying out now, which is writing down.

I'm trying it out. What thinking? I'm just keep it. John's trying out a new idea for the show,

where you just think. No, but you're writing them down in your notes now, which he didn't use to do.

Okay. When I was driving into the show last week, I put on an album and I started to cry.

It was Van Morrison's hardnose the highway. Right. But the emotion wasn't sadness.

And it wasn't nostalgia. And it wasn't depression. And I hadn't gone mad. Hunger?

It wasn't hunger. And I was trying to capture what you were horny.

I was trying to capture what it was. And I was chatting to my friend Robin about this in the week.

And it was like the emotion was time. Okay, passing a time? Well, no. It was just the experience

of their being time, because I got into the album in 2005. Yeah. So when I'm listening to it,

I'm not thinking it was better back then, or I wish it was back then. It's almost like I'm thinking

there was a then. Yes. And the sort of enormity of the fact there was a then. I was momentarily

overcut on the face, going past the keyer dealership. And so many thens.

Well, exactly. The thens and before you had a life. So I'm happy now. I like being around now.

I feel very lucky to be around now. But there still was a 2005. And when I'm connected to that

usually by music or smell. Yes. I don't want to go back. No. I don't miss it. But is that not

nostalgia? No, nostalgia doesn't have to make you want to go back. It's more complicated than

nostalgia. Dave, nostalgia is for people who don't think like you and me. This guy. This guy's

going to brain the size of the big computer at the DVLA. Yeah. I was wanted to ask if any of our

listeners knew of a word, which is akin to nostalgia. But I think in I think implicit in nostalgia

is thinking it was better than a yearning to. Yeah. A yearning to return or a sadness that you

can't return. This was literally just time exists in big chunks. Yeah. And I there was a then

and a now. And I'm now being made aware of the distance between then and now. I give a lot.

Lost Alger. Lost. Lost. That's great. Right. That's first decent down. That's great though.

Lost out of that. God. Are you googling with that exists already? I'll because if not,

what's your IP on that immediately? Ellis, what's that Welsh would hear us here?

Right. Is the one I was thinking I was trying to get an English. But isn't that also a sense of

loss of some golden age? So you're in Cardiff city center thinking this will once fields and now

it's back to back Greg's. It's a deep longing for something, but especially something that's

connected to your home. There's a vintage shop in Birmingham called Lost Alger. Fair play.

Is there? I didn't know that. But I don't think then necessarily talking about the exact same

experience. No, no, no, it's great. It's good stuff. So it's a type of longing or homesickness with

a particular lean nostalgic. See, this is longing. I'm happy in my car passing the key

at the dealership. It's I'm thinking about when I tried to wangle a free bootliner off them and

they gave me short shrift. So it's gratitude that it happened. Yeah, but it's that sense of somehow

like being connected to the past. Well, that's the amazing thing with the modern age because you've

got, you know, recordings of people's voices and photographs. So a hundred years ago, well,

maybe not a hundred years ago, but certainly 150 years ago, there'd be no photographs. So if

someone died, it was all in your brain box. And that was it. Yeah. And you couldn't you couldn't show

people what people's voices sounded like or what people's, you know, what people looked like,

for instance, unless you were drawings or paintings of them in the house. So now you can,

there's a great thing with that Van Morrison record of music is that it doesn't change. You're

the person who's you're the thing that's changing. The album will always be the same. But the

line that really got me is from a song called Warm Love. And it just starts repeating warm love

and it's ever present everywhere. And it's ever present everywhere. And it was almost like time

is ever present everywhere. Yeah. So 2005, you're writing an extra chapter for your book. Time

is present. You did a coffee in New Year. 2005 is in me now. Yes. And it's the body keeps the

cool. And I forget it's there until I listen to an album I listened to in 2005 or I the smell

of the storage heaters we had in that flat. Like when someone turns on a radiator that hasn't been

on for a while and the dust gets hot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm straight back sat on that window.

But are you smoking cigarettes by the way? I wasn't depressed. Are you consuming the record in

different way though? Like does it move you in a different way? That's because the record hasn't

changed. But the record is now imbued with the fact that I'm thinking about 21 years ago when I

listened to it in 2005 even though it's made in 74, I'm not thinking there's a whole past attached

to this song because I don't have a past with it. That Morrison would do if he heard it in 2005.

2005 is the halfway point. The record being made was as long ago as 2005 is now. That is terrifying.

I know what that emotion is. That is diarrhea. But you're talking more about the memory you have

from that. So the sound, the sound, the smells and the size of the memory. There's a sensation in

you which is, I mean there's that great Philip Larkin line about aging when he says I've started

to say 25 years ago about my own life and he describes it as falling in recovering and huge

gesturing loops through an empty sky. And there is that. And there is that. All these poets need to

just eat another coffee. The feeling of like falling and trying to establish your balance and then

just like being thrown and sort of having no sense of where's up and down and left and right.

Like if you were underwater in a blind fold. Yeah, yeah. And not knowing where are my feet?

Do you ever get that? You've lost me now. I was with you for a while.

If you were flying a plane through incredibly thick clouds and you couldn't trust you instruments.

Yes, which does happen. Which does happen. It's terrifying black box recordings.

Yes. But I think what you that experience, that's a great feeling. What a great feeling to have.

Because you're you're you're I think there's a bit of pride in there probably. This is crying again.

That you're getting through life and you're changing and you're growing and you're

different to them. But you don't want to go back to them. I don't know. I'm not saying it's

so positive or negative. It was just very powerful emotion and there wasn't a word for it.

Occasionally, I will reread a book that meant a lot to me and I was younger and it often still does

but that you will interpret it in a completely different way because you're old and you know

more stuff and I find quite unsettling in a weird way. I guess it must be like for a parent when

you're reminded of when your kid was a baby. Yes. Yeah. Well, your kid is in front of you in

their 12th and you're like, how the heck are you asking me for a smartphone? Yeah, the

other time you speak, you know, you're and that sort of weird discombobulation of this person is

both 12 and one. So your story cheater is your child? The memory of my story cheater is the

is my baby. Yeah. And my child is a care dealership. Okay. That's all grown up now. But I think

I have a true electric vehicle. I might have a choice about how you look at that and I think it's

nice to spot the positive which is the growth and the change and that we're all living our life.

It's lovely. Thanks. My phone gives me photos of the kids all the time. Oh yeah, I could

screen in the kitchen. Yeah, it's so nice because you go, oh my god, that's when we lock down,

we got lost our minds. We're drinking seven bottles of wine a week. That was a good time.

Do you want my next thought? Oh yeah, that was a good one. That was a good one. I am giving you

what is this? What is this? What's happening? What would you, what would you class this

side? No, I'm trying to work out. We've got it. They would never buy this. We've

got into a situation where we're able to do what we want. I'm trying to work out what I'm doing

now. What is this? I used to work on radio stations where you'd have to dry run this for three

months. And then you get the green light from the program director. This is definitely going out.

Yeah. I'm not swearing. I'm not doing anything wrong. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I don't know what, if I didn't have a kid, what would I put as my occupation? I'm not the best

to thought leader. Well, no, well, he's a thought listener from the intellectuals. I'm a

Jason to a thought leader. Alice, when we've had the conversation we're about to have, you are

going to get a call from the CBI. Okay. Talk to our members. So where is he? She's you've

a writer performer and dad. What's your occupation? A Jason to a thought leader. Assistant to the

thought leader. Yes, assistant to the regional thought leader manager. I am giving you both a

magic alarm clock. Okay. Right. Beware. Yeah. When you set the magic alarm clock,

you get to always have exactly the amount of sleep you want. Oh, okay. All right. So you set the

time you go to sleep. I do. And the time you wake up all good so far. Yeah. But there's a little

problem with the magic alarm clock. You can only change those bits. You can only change that time

once a month. So for 30 days out of a 31 day month, you are going to be falling asleep,

bang at your dream time, a falling asleep. You are going to be waking up, bang at your dream time

of waking up. However, you need to catch a plane at four in the morning. Yes, you can use your

once monthly change and it's four AM for the rest of the month. No, it's not four AM for the

rest of the month, but you only get to do that once. Oh, okay. So and another caveat. If there's

like an emergency and someone is in real danger, you will wake up. So if the fire alarm goes off,

you will wake up. Right. If Hannah Dave is shaking you in bed saying the microwave's making a

strange noise. And I think it could be terrorism or other examples. You will wake up. However,

I don't need to wake up to that. Yeah, you don't. That's fine. But she can't shake you and say,

oh, I've had a nightmare. You will not wake up. No, I don't. She can't shake you and say,

we're getting our second plane this month. And we need to be up before you won't wake up.

So it's Matt. I was kind of into this. It's quite easy. So you basically get to pick your

sleep around plane journey. But you only get to change it once a month. 12 until late.

What? Why? It's interesting, but it's mad because I do gigs. So I'm often home. He's been doing gigs

for four weeks. No, I get the 11th. And I did one last night. I'm doing one tomorrow.

200 yards of your house. But I can't and why. But you don't need to know because you've

got the magic alarm. Well, last night I drove James Gill home. And I got home at about

20 past 11. And then I needed to pack because I'm good at Cardiff. Right. So I packed until midnight.

Yeah, that's that is mad. Why? Why? Why are you packing the day? Because I was doing stuff. I was

doing podcasts and all sorts of stuff. Quick question. I'm packing podcasts.

Yeah. On the 8 a.m. Get up. Yeah. Yeah. Is that you sleeping through every breakfast

that your kids have? No, no, no. I can get them ready for school by eight. Not when

you're sitting. No, you're waking up. If I wake up, if I wake up at eight,

I get them at the bed. Yeah. And I get them at a bed. I can get them to school by eight.

That is so insane that I've offered you the opportunity to have as much sleep as you life

like perfectly fitting into your life. It does owe you to go, if I really push this and have an

incredibly stressful 45 minute because I often I often wake the kids up at eight o'clock on the

dot. Right. So alarm goes off. He's eight o'clock and now we're into sort of stress territory.

Yeah, yeah. But that makes me I like that. Also, they can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. I'm

very proud of you. They can care. They might be awake by that point, but they can watch

telly until dad wakes up at eight. And then it's just toast. They can go outside for a

fact. They're cup of coffee. Yeah. And then we don't need to leave the house until late 45

to go to school. Yeah. It's quarter an hour to walk up. So you're never only once a month

are you able to get up before eight a.m. Yeah. And that's okay. For my four a.m. flight to Trinidad

in Tobago. Okay. And you're always up till midnight. Yeah. Okay. What happens anyway?

No, but it would doesn't need to happen anymore because of the magical half clock.

You no longer this guy who can't get to. But I'm off. I often need to be awake until midnight.

Okay. That's different. Dave, what's your time, please? It'll be half nine to half five.

Half nine. Oh, half nine. I can do out of nine. I can do that's fascinating. Is it? Yeah.

What are you doing? I have bus five. I'm running at the minute, aren't I? So once a month

for the rest of your life. Yeah. You can stay up past half nine. Hannah's going to be livid.

It's Hannah involved in this. Well, she's still your wife. She lives with you. Are you

doing it with me? No. Oh, that's interesting. Ten to six then. But then I'm not getting up

for my runs. That's still eight hours is a lot. Yeah, I don't actually need eight. That's a good point.

Ten to five. Ten to five. Yeah, because I need to because I'm running. Yeah, but when you

are you going to be running forever? Well, no, but this is now is now running for the rest of your life

this alarm clock. Is it? Yeah. This is a stupid game. Because my life changes. I know. That makes it

an interesting thing. Secondary school. Secondary school starts earlier. Okay. So I am switching to

11 to seven. Okay. And I'm having to accept that I can now only open gigs or do gigs within

200 yards at the house and not give the MC a lift home. Yeah. Okay. Okay. But that's not ideal.

I like. You close gigs within the M25. Or get in an Uber and have them carry you out to your bed.

Well, what's mine? Okay. Sure. I'm going quarter to 11. Right? Until 615. So that's seven and a half

hours. That's enough for me. Yeah. I get my lovely miracle morning. To when 615. Yeah. Okay.

And that's going to cover most flights. Oh, yeah. I'm rarely need to be away. And you're still in

charge of buying your own flights. Oh, yeah. We just don't get the duffed early one.

So did we all enjoy it? Yeah. It's a great game to play. It is. There's almost too many

variables. Also, you would have to. Here we go. And then the stuff chats. But if you're flying

somewhere, you've obviously got to fly back. So you can't get an early flight home if you're

getting an early flight to you. Okay. So it's always the time zone you're in. So you don't suddenly

start falling asleep in the middle of the day and considering. Okay. Crazy. That would be annoying.

Good. Jon's thoughts. Jon's thoughts. And I suppose we roll straight into a bit of connecting

then off the back of that. Yes. Can Ellis extend? What is this? Can Ellis extend his good run of form

by connecting with with yet another random person in Wales. It's time to find out. It's time for the

Camry Connection. It's another Camry Connection. Ellis thinks his tactic's a

shipper faction. But his questions have one direction. Where did you go to school?

Do you know Daffy Devons? No. Come on mate, you must do. And then often he will just

list a name or three. Ignoring Jon's imploring. Think like us to like us to listeners or a hobby.

If he can elevate his strategy to nifty, he'll achieve a magic 50. Ellis go connect.

Yes. And we have a lovely email from Andrew. Andrew says, Shemai Gents, I thought I'd try and

contribute to Ellis hitting the five foot on Camry Connect in the hope that the bloke gets to cut his

hair earlier than usual. That's not Ellis. That's someone who's not cutting the hair until Ellis,

his, but though I'm wonder if that was a joke actually. We have tried to get in contact with them.

They're gone very quiet. It was a joke. You're on three. This would be the fourth.

My wife and I are the pleasure of seeing Ellis perform at the Tommy Field last week.

Not only did Ellis deliver a razor-sharp set sporting out standing pair of brand-redacted shoes.

Sounds like me. But we got to witness his connecting prowess in person during the interval. It

was mesmerising. Within 60 seconds of noticing that we're from Swansea, Ellis established two

connections with each of us. No hesitation, no blind alleys, just pinpoint accuracy and painstake

king detail on each connection. They were from Birchgrove. The man is a freak of nature.

Bang, freak of nature. Having encountered Camry Connecting in the wild,

it's clear that studio conditions are hampering his true potential.

Yes. I'll always set this. I'll leave it to you boys to iron out the details,

but it's obvious to me that the solution is to embark on a 12-month Camry Connecting tour of whales.

I need to do it. I've been watching Greg James because he's raised him

if comically for this massive mammoth bike ride. He has these enormous massages

last thing at night before going to bed. And I need to be relaxed. So we need him as

sushi and a massage table and just bring Welsh people in as I'm all oiled up.

That was my turn to ask what this is. As a starter for ten, I suggest a parachute drop into

mid-wales and timing how long it takes for Ellis to stumble into a distant relative

from touchdown. Fear of heights permitting, of course, loving your work Andrew.

Okay, Andrew, what's going to happen now is three mega-minds are going to turn that idea into

a format that every channel can turn down. I've got it. I've got it. Okay. Your pitch, Dave.

Okay. And I'll be the TV commissioner. So I think you need some jeopardy.

There's competition at play here. Oh, our channel loves that.

Michael Sheen. Perfect. Okay. It's you versus Sheen. When she's telling that the channel

are a big fun off here with big fans of Michael. James versus Sheen, you both have 12 hours

and there's cameras following both of you. You're both in different parts. One of you are in

North Wales. One of you is in South Wales. Okay. It's regional. It's regional. You've got 12 hours

to connect. Right. It's a bit challenging, Annika, to connect with as many Welsh people as

possible from eight a.m. to eight a.m. because you're awake by that. It's very snackable. So I mean,

this could be shared very widely on the social. You could even go across six apps if you want to.

I'm obviously there's a story arc there. I love it. You're meeting people.

There's stories. But there's competition because Sheen's at it in North Wales and you're at it

in South Wales. Dave, I love it. And so I'm going to say no.

That would be perfect for us. So I'm going to park the idea.

It's a no from you. What you might also say is we're not looking for anything to do with anything

you've said before then making it with more famous people in a couple of weeks. Sheen's involved.

He's busy, though, with House of Games. He's busy with House of Games. Okay. So here's my

pitch. Naked Narbath. Ellis is air dropped into Narbath. Naked. And he's cupping himself.

And he's cupping himself. Yeah. He's allowed to do a big mural of

Joe Holland. He has to get back home. He has to get to North Wales. Yeah. Where do I keep my debit

cards? Don't worry about that. But you can only ask for help once you've established a connection

with someone. So the first person you meet in Narbath, obviously, you're keen to get some clothes.

Yeah. Yeah. You're not allowed to ask them for clothes until you have established a

connection. Right. So you're a nude man on the high street. Capping himself on the high street

in Narbath, you say, agent school, that throws them. I'm watching. There. By shop. Make sure it's,

yeah, make sure it's an adult as well. Yeah. They're trying to hail a police car. Yeah. Yeah.

They're on the phone to diva poets. You're not allowed to say, no, I'm Ellis and I need to make

a connection with you before I can ask for clothes. Please don't run away from me or call the police.

Yeah. So until you have the connection, there's nothing you can do. Right. But once I cut myself,

no, I am cut by myself at all times. Yeah. So the show's pre-watershed. Yeah. I'm cut by myself.

And then I've made the connection. So you can't have your head in your hands.

So they're once I've connected with them, one would hope that you can say, can you lend me 30 quid

for some trousers? Do you have any trousers? Can I borrow your husband's pants? Yeah.

General, that the general courtesy and good nature of Welsh people who I've connected with,

they will then try and find me some clothes. Do you have a flag I can drape around myself?

Yeah. You can hang a little taxi. Big beach towel. But you can't get into the taxi.

Until I've made a connection with the driver. Which I bet you could do so.

Yeah. And then I'm asking him to drive or her to drive me to a train station and then help.

So I'm a... You need to borrow money for the train ticket. You need to hitch a ride.

This is... So it's a bit like that hunted thing. Yeah.

Is there a place in... Narbaths in South Wales, isn't there?

Yeah, West Wales. Is there a place in North Wales beginning with N?

Nevin? Okay. It's Nevin. Narbath to Nevin.

Narbath to Nevin, nude with Ellis James.

Good. We need to get to the connect E quickly because we've got other stuff to go on with.

Yes or no from you, Alice? What is a commissioner? Oh, yeah. I mean that...

Can't be that. I can... I can't be... As an idea, I think it's fantastic.

So I'm going to have to say no.

He's got the hat trick. Three solid connections in a row.

Can he get four? Should listen and Nick get booking in a session with his local barbers?

Can't get hold of Nick. Yes, fictional barbers.

And this is recent purple patch has brought his success rate up to a nearly respectable 47.44%.

Yes. Can he keep it up? We have a caller on the line from Wales. Hello, caller. What's your name?

It's Chris. Hi, Chris. Ellis, you have 60 seconds to connect with Chris. Your time starts now.

Agent school. 53 went to school, initially in Porth and then to Aberdeus and Johns.

Porth in the run, though? Yes.

Okay. Aberdeus. Do you know my friend is did Francis?

Bixwanzi city fun or Steve P.S. from Northern Aberdeus, Bixwanzi city fun?

I do know it did Francis. Oh, wow. That's four.

That was calm. That was composed. Aberdeus. Aberdeus means something.

Talk to us about the Aberdeus scene. I used to do a lot of performance at a lot of

stand-up gigs and things at the call, the Coliseum in Aberdeus. Do you know Rob, who sort of

runs the theatre there? Or is that clear? I don't know. No, I went to school with it.

It's the same age as me and we're all together. Okay. Let's talk about it, did. Let's talk about

the Aberdeus scene. Oh, my God. I felt calm. You were very composed.

You were very composed. Yeah. Because my friend, well, my friend, the listeners,

the lovely Rodrian, is wife Kate. They live from near there. Kate's from Aberdeus, in fact.

So how do you know it did and who is it? If did I know through Swanzi city? I go to lots of

games with him and his kids. I don't know how I met it. I just met him through the Swanzi,

but I see it did a lot. I was with him in Cabloxagorction. And Chris, do you have fond memories of

school with it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do, yeah. I was sort of thinking about this connection for a

while and it wasn't until about four podcasts ago that we were talking about hot air balloons.

And it did its name come up. Yes. Near his wife. And I kind of thought at that particular point.

Yeah. Do you know Near? I do know Near. So I live in Kite and um,

Oh, you live in Kite. Yeah. Okay. Okay. It all comes clear.

Yeah. Yeah. Are there any other connections, Chris, that you know of?

I think there may well be. I work for the Welsh Government. And I think

Alex may know Bernadette Paine possibly. No, I don't know Bernadette. I don't think,

although if I don't. Dan Alcobruc through the Red War potentially. No, but if I do know Bernadette

and I've worked with them, I'm going to be very angry if I've somehow forgotten or mixed it up

with someone else. Welsh Government. So like civil servant more than? Yes. Yes. That's right.

Okay. Okay. Sorry. There are more. There was that civil servant who when I worked in the

voluntary sector used to put his hand on my lower back. What was his name?

Is he still working in the civil service or has he been moved on?

I've tried to remember his name. He was a nice guy. He meant, well, I just think he thought

I was a very childlike. Yeah. So he was always putting his hand on my lower back and saying

that things were fine. I can't remember his name, though, I'm afraid. Probably for the best.

Where do you work in for Welsh Government? Well, I work from home mostly, but I generally

in Catees Park in Cardiff. Did you know my friend Spike from Aberdea, who's to run the point

music venue in Cardiff, has that worked for the National Coal Board? No, we didn't. I haven't

been out in Aberdea for a long, long, long time. That's fine. Would you learn that as you trousers,

if you came up to your naked? Of course, of course, absolutely. Well, he could have a question.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. He allowed to. Yeah. That's good stuff.

That was her maiden name, but she's younger than you. Yeah, yeah. Okay, there are more,

there are more, there are more. We've got it. I know, but I'm trying to show boat today.

Well, thank you so much, Chris, for making it a forfer. It's a quad connect,

and you don't get many of them to the pound. No. So are potentially fictional listeners

made a fictional pledge for a fictional charity can potentially cut their fictional hair suit.

Did you, did you grow up with a sterifonix? Did I grow up with a sterifonix? No, but I've got,

I've got friends who are new in sterifonix. I think Nathan Bevan, you might pass. Oh, yes,

I think I have met Nathan actually. Nathan's a journalist, so that would have been another one

as well. Nathan, I think was, was good friends with sterifonix. I've, I'm relaxing. Yeah,

this is relaxing. Chris, thank you for relaxing, Ellis, and we will try to do the

five for next week. Okay, well, Ellis has connected. He feels good. He feels relaxed. Yeah. So

it's time to put that to the test in a made up game. Yes, made up game this week. This is a guessing

game I will knock you out, Steve, because I've already had to share a video for the

socials of me doing about me doing that. I have to share a video. I don't guess how

that's going to be. Not, not. This lovely, I love you. I do mind in mocking that. I'm not mocking.

Lots of listeners this show love the way Ellis has viewed you. Yeah, but that doesn't bother me.

I just, I never want to be put in a position where I'm guessing to the nation ever again. And

curtains. Yeah, especially. I mean, we play a weekly made up game. I cannot promise you.

I'll just walk. You're contracted to stay because also I happen to be sitting opposite one

of the world's greatest guesses. Yes. So it makes me look bad. I know, but we need more. So in the

world of crystal maze, Ellis needs more physical. Yeah, physical less medieval, less medieval,

more skill. Yeah, it's perfect. Yeah. I don't mind losing it to him on skill. There's just the thing

uniquely humiliating about doing a bad guess. He wants to shoot jars of sand with crystals in.

He doesn't want to have to arrange shapes into holes in the jungle. I loved crystal maze so

good. Yeah. It was great. Richard O'Brien, the heyday, glory days. Yeah. Ed was it Ed's

to depole. When my sister was at uni, someone she knew worked on the games like inventing them.

Yeah. That's cool. You know, when you do, I've played it once because there's a big fact

really big where has a crystal maze experience though, it's never as good as the CV show.

Well, these things never are. No, no, absolutely not. But the crystal maze in particular,

the crystal maze, I've done a couple of crystal maze experiences as always quite disappointing.

Yeah. Fine. Not as disappointing as when we did the escape room. I drank the potion.

That wasn't disappointing. That was one of the best bits of context. That was, I know,

it's such a mad thing to do with them, put it up there. If you are a newer listener,

do go back to the contractual obligation on location episodes, which were about 30 apps into

the five live era. There's a good one to underlam one. There's a good escape room one. There's a

weird bowling one. And there's a good crazy golf one. Yeah, a driving range.

Driving range. And a tough quiz win that never saw the light of time. Oh, in the, in the S.

In fact, God knows what that is. All right. Today's made up game. And before we get to the game,

we of course have a jingle. We will play, we will play last week's jingle again. It's from Matt,

who, as we know, has recorded a whole album's worth that I'm sure we'll get to over weeks and

months. Now that's what I call made up games. Yes. Yes. Why are you making that face?

Because we are going to do it. We're going to, we've got a trail that we've got had made.

Dave, do you think you've ever had a good idea that I haven't already thought of?

It's not possible. Even before he met you, Dave, I'm pronounced to you. Yeah. You are playing

a constant game of chess against deep blue. Yeah, but you've not watched that.

Mark Goodier. I have. So who had the idea first? I have who was just about something else.

Something else. Yeah, he hasn't given me a drill back. That was the name of his production company.

Was it something else? Mark Goodier. Yeah. This is in. This is very in. Fingers in pies, pies within

circles within riddles within ennickmas. Good, yeah. Wow. Wow. Antires. Antires.

Different. Different spelling. He was wise butter. Oh, no. A wise butter, of course.

It was a whole house of who's really in charge here. My little is just more mystery.

Sorry. It was just because John said something else and I got excited. But of course, never let

excitement get in the way of radio. In case people don't know what we're talking about,

something else and wise butter are production companies. Two production companies. One of them

was set up and run by Mark Goodier, which is now listen. Look, you can you can give the party line

all you like. They're owned by the Clintons. Anyway, sorry. That was it. That was a bit industry.

Yeah. But Matt has come up with a fantastic made up games jingle. We played it last week.

We'll play it again. It's super furry animals adjacent. Here it is.

Oh, you can play it once you're waiting in the park with the sandals, come along and play a game

to the end.

A lot of the music you like, there are elements of... I mean, that is a parody of the music.

No, I know, but a lot of the 90s music you like is quite 60s-inflected.

Yes.

But it's also that there's a bit of glam rock in there.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I went to like the sweet and ELO.

I do like T-Rex and I think Slade were great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Slade were absolutely brilliant.

So yeah, I do like it a little bit.

Do you like ELO?

I like some ELO.

Okay.

I met Jeff Lynn once.

Did you?

He's a lovely bloke.

Totally disinterested with me.

Oh, what a shame.

What were you doing, Dave?

Was this on Magic and Memories Dern Mepham or whatever it was?

It's in Memories Dern Mepham.

No, I was a radio awards do.

And it was whilst I was on the Moils show and Chris is a big fan.

A VLL.

Yeah.

So I just, I was probably just that annoying guy that had a wine.

And I was like, I Jeff, big fan of you.

What, you winched it if?

I can't get a picture because the radio percent I was with the picture

and he just was like, yeah, all right, fine.

And then it was a bit...

It was fine.

He just couldn't be bothered halfway through an awards ceremony

to a picture taking over which I get to be seen.

I was thinking about that jingle earlier on this week

because there's a piece on the super free animals

and the latest alternative words, magazine, which I was reading.

It reminded me of that jingle.

Really?

Yeah.

What a tune, what a band, what a magazine.

What a time.

This week's game comes in from Jake.

Here's a made up game inspired by an ongoing note

I keep on my phone titled Imaginary Muse Songs.

It's exactly what it sounds like.

A list of song titles that sound like

they could be songs by the band Mews.

Examples include Area 52.

Artificial intelligence here.

Oh, that's very good.

I'll go brackets rhythm.

Who are on overpopulation and co-illusion?

That's co-illusion is good.

That's fantastic.

This is good.

Who's this from?

This is from Jake.

Jake makes me laugh.

Father to meet Jake.

Because also, Mews won't be part of the game

we're about to play, but Mews are the perfect band for it.

We're not playing make up a Mews song.

We're not playing a version of that,

but luckily there are enough other acts that this works for.

So the made up game is inspired by the simpler game and it's called.

Can I do a Mews song?

Yeah, go and do some Mews wants to warm up, get your eye in.

We equals MC squared.

Yeah, yeah.

Is that work?

Sort of.

Yeah.

They're a bit spaceier than that.

A bit more space.

Yeah.

Future naught, but the naught is a zero.

Yeah, that's good.

Is that better?

Yeah, that's good.

Very good.

Oh, yeah.

It's tough like that.

It's harder than you think actually.

Well done, Jake.

Interstellar planet prison.

Interstellar planet prisons, nice.

Yeah.

So the game is called Make My Song Up.

Each round will focus on one band artist or act.

Dave will stay at the band, then like the game you did around.

Winter Olympic sports, actually it's not too dissimilar to that.

It will give you a card each with two real songs on by that band.

It is your job to come up with a made up song title and bamboozle your opponents.

Okay.

I really like Jake.

Mews' ones are still making right up.

Mews are making right up.

Yeah, they've got a tie.

I think they're a bit silly.

That's why it works.

But there's others.

Don't you worry.

If you manage to fool your opponent into guessing one of the real songs is fake,

you get a point.

If your opponent correctly guesses which song is fake,

they win the point three rounds in total.

Band number one.

You both get the same band.

Okay.

Okay.

With different tracks, obviously, that are the real ones.

Few fighters.

Okay.

John.

There's yours.

And Alice, John, yours.

No, no.

I'll give you yours after.

Yeah.

Or his John can be first to see.

You can both have it at the same time.

It really doesn't matter.

We're both doing food fighters.

Yeah.

Well, there's also a chance that the person will know the songs.

So they quite deep cuts.

Yeah.

We've tried to go deep.

Okay, cool.

So, Alice and John both have two food fighters tracks.

Of course, food fighters are back with new material.

Album, your new favourite toy.

No.

Your favourite toy is out soon.

You could do that on your Bristol show, John.

Sorry to have it in here all the time.

Don't worry, I didn't, it doesn't matter.

Now, food's not too dissimilar to mues.

Do come with a certain style of track.

Okay, I'm ready to go.

Okay.

You happy?

Yeah.

John, try and ban booze, Alice, please.

Okay.

High, high.

And I'll let Alice know that's H-I-G-H-H-O-G-H.

All right.

High, high.

High, high.

High, high.

La-D-Dar.

Hey, Johnny Park.

La-D-Dar.

Because I think I'm not sure if Dave Grohl would say La-D-Dar.

John, please reveal.

The fake song is high, high.

Well done.

Because to me that I was food fighters written all over it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I tried to write food fighters all over it.

Yeah, and it could have a little twist there because he spelled it out for you.

It's almost a distraction to him.

I'm impressed with John.

Yeah, again.

If I lose this game, I've lost to the better matches.

Don't ever make me guess again.

Okay.

Right.

So draw a level, Al.

Here's with you three tracks, try and bamboozle, John.

Disenchanted lullaby.

Renegade ambition.

Amen, caveman.

Well, bums are silly, aren't they?

Now, Elis, quite clever there.

Looked at you every time he said a name.

Oh, good.

And I love my story.

It's nice to see, actually.

It's a game'smanship.

But a game'smanship.

But all within the spirit of it.

Oh, yeah.

That's very difficult to pick.

Yeah.

I'm going to say disenchanted lullaby.

It was Renegade ambition.

It's good.

This is good stuff.

We should be in bands.

Okay.

So disenchanted lullaby.

And amen, caveman.

We're both sons.

I really like the foods.

I actually think they're decent bands.

I call it a drink with Dave Crawler.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Or is he?

I don't know anymore.

He's all right.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, then I don't know.

I don't know.

It's a complex landscape.

It is.

It is in this place.

I won't have a drink with anyone else to eat at home.

Yeah.

I'm at Dave a few times.

Nice guy.

Every time I know him.

Do you have sex with him?

No.

Right.

Okay.

Second round is Venger Boys.

Oh.

Okay.

I can think of two songs.

I can think of two songs.

There you go.

Well, there's your Venger Boys tracks.

Oh, good grief.

And there's your Venger Boys tracks.

Okay.

There is a certain style.

Pop band from the late northeast and early 90s off.

Well, it's off as an end of the Venger Boys.

Nice.

Have you heard of the Venger Boys off?

The Venger Bus is coming.

We're going to Ibiza.

Whoa.

Are you ready, Al?

I am ready.

Oh, are you?

Oh, nice.

Let us know when yours is locked.

I'm ready.

Right.

Ellis, please.

Take it away with Venger Boys tracks.

Venger Boys.

Crazy Beach.

Chica Bao Bao.

Skinny Diffin.

Can I have those again?

Crazy Beach.

Chica Bao Bao.

Skinny Diffin.

Is Crazy Beach as in Beach?

Yeah, not with a suggestion.

With a suggestion.

Yeah, I think.

Yeah.

I'm going to say...

I'm going to say Skinny Diffin.

That's a real song.

Crazy Beach.

Oh, that was one I was tempted to go for.

Yeah.

I'm annoyed at myself.

It's clever because it's in the worlds of Ibiza.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay.

I was just trying to imagine being in the Venger Boys.

I'm like, what when you wake up in the morning, what are you talking about?

It's going to be the beach, isn't it?

Oh, I don't know.

Fodger Red Bull.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

John, to draw level.

Bamboo's Ellis, please.

It is her.

It is her silly band.

This silly band.

Juice up on the weekend.

Shala la la la.

Oh, my God.

John's in the Venger Boys.

He was the puppet master.

He does like to party.

John was the puppet master.

The Venger Boys is coming.

What was the other one?

We're going to try to be fair.

We're two big hits.

Right.

Could I have them again?

You can.

Juice up on the weekend.

Okay.

Shala la la la.

24-7 in my 9-11.

I'm going to say juice up on the weekend.

Because I think that sounds more like gym speak than Venger bus speak.

Interesting.

But I must admit, it's very difficult to call.

Because the other two equally believable.

John.

Ellis, you're correct.

Juice up on the weekend.

Though I was thinking of actual juice like an orange juice or something.

That's what we've learned.

Orange juice the weekend.

Yeah.

I didn't think about the juicing connotations.

No, I didn't.

Oh, okay.

It's 24-7 in my 9-11.

He's talking about a portion.

Yeah.

Not a tragedy.

I guess he's not a haunting ballad.

And that would have been pre.

It's got to have been pre.

Pre 9-11.

No, it's the car.

The car.

Yeah, but you couldn't say, could you say, you couldn't have released that.

I got you.

I got you.

Recently afterwards.

Someone in the world is the planet's biggest Venger boys fan.

Yeah.

Not necessarily true.

Oh, yes.

No, that is true.

Like this must be someone for whom.

On the spectrum of Venger boys fans.

On Venger boys' apologists.

Yeah.

Someone is right at the top.

Released in 2000.

Yeah.

Okay.

They actually had more hits than you remember.

They got boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I want you in my room.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We like to party.

We like to party.

I was them.

I mean, they've got a positive outlook.

Absolutely.

They've got a track called Uncle John from Jamaica.

They're about to play that.

Okay.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Final round.

Okay.

This is final round.

Oh, no, that's spare round.

Here we go.

Final round.

There's only one band we can end this game with, isn't there?

It's your friend of mine.

The Red Ochilly Peppers.

Okay.

Okay.

Who again?

Daffed.

Mega Daffed.

Mega Daffed.

But had their heyday.

Make me laugh.

Oh, listen.

The Red Ochilly Peppers.

One of the biggest rock bands in the world.

But just to be unable to just stop being silly.

They are huge though.

Yeah.

I mean, they are massive.

It's mad that you could go to, like, Redding Festival now,

and see Muse and Red Ochilly Peppers.

Yeah.

And that would have been the same line up in 1997.

That is true, but I think that's a bit unfair on Redding and Leeds,

because they are very contemporary and diverse with their headliners in life now.

Yeah, but they would still book Red Ochilly Peppers and Muse.

I'm not saying Redding and Leeds are bad.

I'm just saying it's crazy that these bands can still headline festivals

30 years after their inception.

Agreed.

Okay.

You could draw, John, if you get both of these rights,

which would take us to tie a break.

But it would be nice to see a bit of success from Alice.

God, should we have been active since 1982?

Good grief.

Since I was born.

Yeah.

Good grief.

I'd like to watch a documentary where it's the power of the lives

of the Red Ochilly Peppers and John.

I mean, that's an entire career in the police force.

Yeah.

That's like, you know, retiring with your gold watch and your spitfire pictures

as Chief Superintendent.

I don't know why I've picked that analogy.

It's hard.

But that's a long career in the police force.

Well, to be fair, they look good on it.

Kidding.

Well, they're done to their body.

Yeah.

They should look absolutely terrible.

Kidding in particular.

Right.

Okay.

It's John first.

Even you, Brutus.

Oh, okay.

Chapstick, Hoodlin.

Johnny kick a hole in the sky.

I mean, you ain't giving anything out of that.

Ice is cold in this delivery.

Yeah.

I am going to go with Chapstick, Hoodlin.

What's your reasoning?

My reasoning is I'm, ah, listen.

They've got a wide and diverse canon.

But I don't know if Hoodlin is a word that Kedis would use.

Yeah.

So instrumental.

Yes.

Well, might well be, I don't know.

John, please reveal.

This guy knows his paps.

It's Chapstick, Hoodlin.

I thought that could have been an early 90s track.

Oh, Chapsticks.

Why have you ever been in the US?

It was.

You want to see my workings?

I came with quite a few.

It started as hairpin, Hoodlin.

I thought hairpin is British.

They would say Bobby pin.

So I went lip gloss serenade.

I thought he'll think I'm like Paul then.

So then I went hairpin nation.

Then I went Chapstick, Hoodlin.

Because lip sill must be a, is a British company,

but Chapstick is very American.

Chapstick is very American.

I could be American.

I could.

Well, Alice, Alice wins.

But gone for, to round out the game,

I have to look at you because there's such silly titles.

Go on then.

I'm going to look at you, Dave, because I love so much.

Meloship slinky and B major.

Funky crime.

I love sex potion parade.

Is it?

Meloship slinky and B major.

Meloship.

Meloship.

Funky crime.

I love sex potion parade.

That's tough.

Meloship slinky.

Meloship slinky and B major.

Nice to know what key it's in.

What were the other two again?

Funky crime.

Funky crime.

Love sex potion parade.

I'm going to go Meloship slinky and B major.

Are you?

Yeah.

That's so stupid.

And I absolutely love the fact that it's a real...

What are you up to?

Funky crime.

You need to do work experience.

You need to go to your dad's like pipe company.

Yeah.

They should say, listen, can someone sort me out

with a week at the crime prosecution service?

Yeah.

You need to mix cement for a few days before you're writing

Meloship slinky and the mother ship.

You need to be fair to them.

Well, Alice, finish the game, sorry.

Is it a harrowing song about loss?

Have you really stitched me up like a kipper?

No, I was just going to say to be fair to them.

Released in 1991, I'm pretty sure that is well in the midst

of their more debauchery years,

where they probably weren't thinking that straight.

Meloship slinky and B major doesn't shout debauchery, Dave.

It's shouts of someone who's lost the plot.

Yeah.

Forgotten what they're meant to be doing.

Yeah.

Get them to the crime prosecution service.

Yeah.

Get them to HMRC or the DVLA or something.

Let them do some public sector stuff.

The Forestry Commission.

The Forestry Commission.

Get these boys outdoors.

Yeah.

There's not too much time in their bedrooms.

Yeah, they could.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The song I made up, it wasn't funky crime,

it was Love Sex Potion Parade.

They could easily be a song like that.

Well, I thought that was too obvious.

That was a bit...

That was a bit...

Well, the big album.

We got an album called Blood Sugar Sex Magic.

Yes.

And I did think I...

I'm sure my own workings for a long time,

I tried to go down the fornication route.

California Cation.

I went...

I was tempted by fornication nation.

I listened to California Cation a lot when I was a teacher.

Yeah.

It was a good album.

I really liked by the way.

That was mine.

I was trying to think of slightly offbeat words for lovemaking.

I settled on fornication,

but I thought that was too obvious,

because of the California Cation stuff.

But I thought maybe...

You know, like Picasso the Blue Period.

I thought maybe Keydice had a sort of fornication period.

Maybe.

Maybe once you've written songs like that,

you actually can't retire.

Because you know when you hear the Eric Clapton's

into fly fishing,

you think, oh, it sort of makes sense.

Yeah.

What is Keydice doing?

Keydice playing for his Village Cricket Club.

Yeah.

Getting into, like...

I don't know, like historic...

Bridge.

Yeah, like bridge.

Yeah.

Oh, you're playing bridge,

and you were once underneath a bridge,

and wrote a song called Melo Ship.

What's it called?

Slinky and B Major.

Yeah.

I mean, flea the bassist is into beekeeping, though.

So...

You don't want bee stands for day,

but it's probably drugs slang.

I think it's flea that I've missed,

remember this anecdote many times,

auditioned for Frank Zappers band,

or maybe it was Chad,

and got the part,

but then Zappers said no drugs,

and he said,

Thank you.

Really?

Yeah.

So they're very good musicians.

Oh, yeah.

But that doesn't mean you make great music,

in my opinion.

It can be such a thing as too much.

Five, one, two, I list.

Well done.

Decent, very good.

Needed.

Melo Ship, Slinky and B Major.

Oh, I just got all my questions.

I didn't get to ask A, Dream.

Oh, we didn't do the ask A.

We save them.

Would you feed a tame wolf?

That's first up next week.

This isn't on the app, though.

This is the right day.

It isn't a matter of time.

It's all right.

It's in the Alice and John's Cinematic Universe.

Yes.

We will...

Well, we're back on Friday,

where we will ask Adrian questions,

questions for Adrian.

You won't tell.

Alice is yearning.

It's time to go.