EMERGENCY: Elis and John Megatisation Alert!

0:00Attention, Ellison John Apologists, Vibe Tasters, Hammer Legends, and all PCDs. This is a content alert. Here at Ellison John HQ, we are constantly evolving. Like Beatermax or MiniDisc, content that stays still is dead. So, after seven years of terrestrial podcast first BBC broadcasting, Ellison John is entering the future sphere. Why did I like John Riley? We're forging a path into a new digital millennium. The millennium was 26 years ago. From this day thence, Ellison John will still be available on BBC Sounds, but the Ellison John world is expanding. And as a part of that global explosion, as a part of that global explosion, if you're not listening on BBC Sounds, you will start to hear adverts. Some generic, some rift by Ellison I, as we dip our toes into the world of independent content creation. Alert, alert. This is a content warning. Ellison John. Just got megatized.

1:04Yes. From today, Ellison John are entering a brave new world. It is Ellison John 2.0. These are technically 4.0. Well, let's look at it. Let's look at it. XFM, XFM, Radio X, 5 live, podcast first, 5.0. 5.0. 5.0. Okay. It's Ellison John 5.0. For Mac users, Ellison John, Eldorado. Yes, we've got some exciting things to tell you about. Isn't that right, John? Yeah, exciting. Doesn't feel like a big enough word. Give me a bigger one. Gargantuan. More like it, Ellison. A lossal. Yes. Biblical. Oh, it doesn't get better than Biblical soon. Yes, we're launching a Christian podcast. Yeah, it's a truly religious event, this. You know, I was thinking about when my dad is very religious when I was a kid, we'd just be driving along and out of nowhere, he'd just start singing a Baptist song.

2:06So we'd be driving into this leisure song. Praise the light and sing the joy. I have a bloody old house. Yeah, but that's just like me bursting into a royal Otis song in front of my kids. Yeah, but the funny thing is about like Baptist songs is that you could just make them up because they're all about joy, light, shining. Yeah, it's very easy to power it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, tell me a story once about how he, when he was, he was driving very tired and to keep him or himself awake the only thing he could remember was the lyrics to Lord of Hins. So he was just singing Hins with all the windows open, which is the sort of thing I suppose. Right. All right, thanks for listening, see you later, Gargantuan. Anyway, we have launched our own Patreon where we are finally able to make the video series that all the big channels were too afraid to make. They were so afraid. They were so, there's a fear for quaking in their boots. They're the my cowards. They are cowards. And so we decided to make it ourselves and it will be called, John. The Adventures of Ellison John.

3:08Big time. So for all you cowardly, cowardly custard's up there, we've only gone and done it. Yeah, and we're not talking directly to you, the listener. You're not a cowardly custard. Absolutely. You're a brave Bobby. So what is the Adventures of Ellison John? What isn't it, Dave? No, let's go with what it is. Okay, what it is is... It's the Cres. It's Ellison John traveling around with Dave and, you know, a skeleton production crew. Yeah, to save money. I don't know about that. I think we've been fairly ambitious with this. Yeah, but we're not talking like I did a run-through of a panel show the other day. There must have been 50 people. And also we haven't got makeup because in the first one, I look like I've been dredged out of the tent. You look like... Yeah, you do look like the water has made DNA tracing tricky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're laying into my dental records in the first one. It was a cold day, but I think it was very cold.

4:09It was very cold. Yes, so it's a video series of Ellison and I traveling around doing competitions, exploring, excursions, doing new things, trying new things. A bit like getting to our bodies. It's a bit like the bonus content episodes we put out during lockdown. Yeah, but visualized. Yeah. And episode one is up now on Patreon where Ellison, I compete in the ultimate test with Dave in a mini Olympics. We went to Croydon Sports Arena. We did. And we had one hell of an afternoon of it. It was good fun. It was good fun. We also offer, if you become a Patreon, full length visualized episodes of the podcast twice a week. So that's like two hours of our faces, bodies, clothes, vape juice. Yes, it's twenty-first century telly, isn't it? You can actually see us eating the chocolate. Yeah, but try and smell it.

5:10And what, you can see us eating the chocolate. People always get in touch with me saying, John, I hate you eating the chocolate on the microphone. When can I see you eating the chocolate? But what we're going to do is because they make cameras so small now, we're going to put the cameras in the chocolate. And then we're going to see it travel through John's digestive system. Right, in a space, in a space. Also, we're often mentioning Ellison's thousand-yard stare or having his head in his hands. Imagine being able to see his head in his hands in HD. In HD. Is it HD? Yeah, absolutely. This is the only place, actually, that you can see full length episodes for your lives. There's also red hot exclusive behind-the-scenes content that you wrote this, that makes it sound like a sex thing. Well, I'm neat in the first one. He is. I am, though. It is a little bit scantily clad the behind-the-scenes content that is coming very soon. It's ad-free apps, and you also get first-ibs on Ellison John tour tickets. You do. Sign up simply by heading to patreon.com forward slash Ellison John on your laptop or browser.

6:10Don't do it in the Patreon app. Or you have to spend 25% extra that goes to Apple Inc. Type a new URL. Sign up there. You can then go down the app if you want afterwards. Oh, for goodness. Yeah, hog wild. Go crazy in that app. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just don't make the purchase in the app. And all of the tiers are the same, you get the same stuff. Yeah. No one's getting any extra. No one's being left behind. So, pay what you can afford, but there are different tiers. So, team number one, Ellison John Apologist, that's a five, five a month. Team number two, vibe tester, that's seven pounds a month. Team number three, hammer legend, nine pounds a month. But as John said, all the tiers offer exactly the same content. So it is a pay what you can afford, sister. We've also got a YouTube channel. Highlights of our two weekly episodes will be released in full teal tension glory. And teasers and trailers for the adventures of Ellison John will be on there too. Yeah. So you just search Ellison John and you hit subscribe.

7:11Now we've also got our own social channels. So you can find us on Instagram, which I have heard of, and TikTok, which I've never used, at Ellison John. We've got a new email address too. This is very important. The BBC email will cease to work very soon. Because they hate us. They do not. And that is, and that is, it said, conscious and coupling, actually. We're co-parenting content. Yeah, surely. That's nice. Yes, so send in all your correspondents to helloatellisonjohn.com. You will still be able to listen to the podcast as normal wherever you listen to it. Yes, including BBC sounds. Including BBC sounds. But if your as long as the mind is staying. Yes. If you are not able or do not want to sign up for the patron, you lose absolutely nothing. No, everything we have done, we will continue to do. You can only gain from this. No one loses out done anything. No, no. Yeah, so if you want to listen ad free, you can do that via the patron or on BBC sounds. And you get free highlights as well on YouTube and little teasers of our adventures on YouTube.

8:13So it's more. It's just more, more, more. How do you like it? How do you like it? More, more, more. We wish you well. We're very excited to be probably quadrupling our content output, Dave. What would you say? The adventure is a big. The adventures are big. That's flagship. That's massive. It is flagship stuff. Yeah, we've filled a couple though, and they're really good fun. They are. And the production values are really high. Because I've watched the first two. I mean, it's, it's 21st century, telly. You said it again. Well, because I've just realized what it is. So I'm going to keep saying it. No, I like it. The first century, telly, Dave. I like it. That's not, that's not been turned down by cowards. Co-parenting content. 21st century, telly. Yeah. We're going to be turned down by cowards. It's the tellbest, or he's a coward. I keep on thinking you're going to say a different word. Every time you say cowards, I keep thinking you're going to say something else. No, I'm not going to say that word. No, I'm saving that for some email. If you would like all of these links clickable,

9:14you can head to my substack, because today's, this is the 7th of April. Today's substack has all those links. I see your vibe mail. My vibe mail, yes. So, sub, John Robbins.substack.com or all the clickable links if you want them. Not to overwhelm listeners with clickable links. A, all this detail will be in the show notes. So, check your blue and description. What are show notes? Just the description of the podcast. No one's ever clicked on anything from there. Yes, they have, of course. No one's ever looked in the show description. It's a thing people say. I don't say that in front of our producers who work tirelessly to make a really lovely, flowery language. You like show notes? We've got the best in the business. Absolutely. There was a British podcast award for best show notes. Or a golden lobe. Or a golden lobe. For an area. Which we didn't get any nominations in, despite Dave slipping the manager a couple hundred grand. No, we didn't put any entries in. Is that, is that what it cost to win a golden obi? 100 grand. 100 grand, actually. Minimum. That's for the long list. I feel like we're mudding the message of this stage.

10:16Who can use to that, Dave? Hocus, pocus. Everybody folk note. No one macaroni look at this. Oh, no, this is important. I know. We've given all the information. We've given it in our trademark style. We've also got it all on EllisonJohn.com. Just to throw another little insight in the mix. Yeah. It's all on EllisonJohn.com. Yeah. It's off-scot ahead in the hands. And it's unrightened over the internet. Yeah, we're going to break it. Yeah, we're going to break it. It's pictures about buns. Is that a new reference? No, it feels like it was about 15 years ago. So, just a quick recap. Loads of stuff on Patreon. Head to patreon.com slash EllisonJohn. And it's good stuff as well. And just say slash these days. You're not going to say forward slash. Just say slash. Yeah, I knew that. Just it's quicker. It's more contemporary. Yeah. Yeah, patreon.com slash Ellison. I knew that. I'm not said forward slash for about six months. I got to play Darts soon, Dave. So can we get this done?

11:17If not? No. I've got five sets of Darts in my bag. What do you mean? Five sets. My new set. Yeah. 15 Darts. No, my old set, which I thought I'd lost. So I've got my St. Anne's College Darts with me. Oh, okay. You're nostalgia Darts. My nostalgia Darts. My Hierath Darts. I then have got two sets of Darts I bought because every time I went to play Darts, or Darts happened unexpectedly. So I had to buy Darts. How often is that? That's happened twice in the last 20 years. And then just a rogue fifth set of Darts I found whilst looking for my Darts. So I've got five sets of Darts to play with. Okay. What a, what a life. Loads of stuff on Patreon. Yeah, you said that. Highlights on YouTube. Brand new YouTube channel. Which I don't listen to. I'm curious. It's a week. It's a recap. It's a fancy bow just tying it all up because it's been a confused message. Patreon, YouTube. And everything else remains the same that you were already listening to as a twice a week podcast

12:18with the Bureau still only on BBC Sounds. Love you lots. Goodbye. Bye bye.