635: How to Start Better With Peers, with Michael Bungay Stanier

Michael Bungay Stanier: How to Work with (Almost) Anyone

Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of eight books, including The Coaching Habit, which has sold more than a million copies and is the best-selling book on coaching this century. Most recently he wrote How to Begin, and back in 2011 he created and edited End Malaria, a book written in partnership with Seth Godin that raised more than $400k for Malaria No More.

Michael is the founder Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that’s trained thousands of people around the world to be more coach-like. He has been featured in many publications including Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Fast Company. His TEDx Talk on Taming Your Advice Monster has been viewed more than a million times. Michael’s newest book is How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Building the Best Possible Relationship*.

Most leaders recognize the critical nature of healthy, peer relationships. Yet, few leaders lay an intentional foundation for success as those relationships start. In this episode, Michael and I discuss how to start with peers using the five questions in a Keystone Conversation.

Key Points

• Nobody really like to say hello but everyone likes to be greeted. Make a decision to be the person that begins.
• Preparing thoughtful responses to the five questions in a Keystone Conversation will help you come to a dialogue in an authentic and vulnerable way.
• The responses themselves aren’t as critical as the process itself. By entering into a keystone conversation, you are laying the foundation for future dialogue and the best possible relationship.

The five questions of a Keystone Conversation:

• The Amplify Question: What’s your best?
• The Steady Question: What are your practices and preferences?
• The Good Date Question: What can you learn from successful past relationships?
• The Bad Date Question: What can you learn from frustrating past relationships?
• The Repair Question: How will you fix it when things go wrong?

Resources Mentioned

• Preorder Michael’s book at bestpossiblerelationship.com
• Bonus audio: Michael’s process for writing this book (12 minutes)

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

• How to Deal with Opponents and Adversaries, with Peter Block (episode 328)
• How to Involve Stakeholders in Decisions, with Eric Pliner (episode 586)
• How to Start a Big Leadership Role, with Carol Kauffman (episode 617)

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