680: Becoming More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier

Michael Bungay Stanier: The Coaching Habit

Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of eight books, including The Coaching Habit*, which has sold more than a million copies and is the best-selling book on coaching this century. He is the founder Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that’s trained thousands of people around the world to be more coach-like. His TEDx Talk on Taming Your Advice Monster has been viewed more than a million times.

One of the most common desires leaders espouse is wanting to get better at helping others grow. One great way to do that is to become more coach-like. In this conversation, Michael and I explore how we can do better at building this skill.

Key Points

• Care deeply for others while also being disconnected from their outcomes. Give people responsibility for their own freedom.
• Consider asking, “How much risk are you willing to take?” Allow the other party to define the boundaries.
• Bring a difficult observation as a third point. Separate the message from the person and let them decide what’s true.
• Avoid asking “why” questions of others to avoid putting people on the defensive and trying to solve their problems.
• A helpful checkpoint: is this question something that’s helping me or helping the other party?
• Silence is a measure of success. When you ask a question that lands, people need time to answer.
• Your body leads your brain. Notice your physical presence and how it manifests when you’re listening well.

Resources Mentioned

• The Coaching Habit* by Michael Bungay Stanier
• Register your book receipt for bonus items from Michael

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

• These Coaching Questions Get Results, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 237)
• Leadership in the Midst of Chaos, with Jim Mattis (episode 440)
• How to Lead Better Through Complexity, with Jennifer Garvey Berger (episode 613)
• How to Help Others Be Seen and Heard, with Scott Shigeoka (episode 654)

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